The Psycho Ex Wife

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There was a time when the consummate projector, PEW, would claim that every time the children were returned to her, they were sick. This was when I was an non-custodial parent (NCP) and during the school year, I only had them every other weekend typically. Reality was, they were very often entering whatever minor illness from which they suffered when I picked them up, but PEW never let facts get in the way of her penchant for crying “victim.”

We’re now in a week-on/week-off 50/50 arrangement. My last 4 custody periods - one of the children have been delivered to me suffering from some minor illness. No big deal, really - it’s just that time of year. Colds, stomach virus - these are not uncommon ailments. These are ailments that are typically handled at home (for me) with plenty of fluids, fever-reducer, and rest. We have immune systems to handle these common ailments. I’ll normally put a call in to the doctor for some advice, describe the symptoms, and they’ll tell me to do just that. Not so for PEW, she’ll take the kids to the doctor at the first sign of a sniffle, when she’s not diagnosing them herself, because you know - she’s a lawyer, a doctor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, etc. She knows better than anyone else about everything.

She lets me know over the weekend that S2 is under the weather again. Fever, sneezing, sniffles. I acknowledge it and am prepared to handle it as I have for the last 4 times that they were with me. After last night’s exchange, the ride home saw me listen to the children describe Fifth’s Disease. Apparently, this is what Dr. PEW has suggested to them. I guess Fifth’s Disease sounds way cooler than - a cold.

PEW, in her effort to demonstrate that she is the concerned mother, will incessantly badger me as to their condition. She will make suggestions to me as if I have no idea how to handle a sick child - something I have been doing since they burst forth from the birth canal. It gets annoying and very often, I don’t respond to the incessant texts and emails that follow an exhange of sick children. This latest set was particularly laughable and annoying.

In addition to the lesson in Fifth’s Disease that I received from the boys, I was also told that Aunt PP stayed overnight again, because “the wind was too scary for her to go home.” We have a history that you will learn more about - one that saw great conflict over her in her untreated bipolar state - watching the children on her own. Personally, I don’t like her spending any amount of time with them, but it’s not something over which I have any say. I can only hope that she didn’t sleep in the same bed with one or the other. I wasn’t home but a few minutes Sunday night when I get this text:

3/9/2008 @ 6:39PM

“PP said that if you get in a jam and need a sitter for S2, give her a call.”

Now, PEW clearly has blocked out the reality which has been that I don’t want PP babysitting our children alone ever. Ever. One thing PP can count on is that I will never call her under any circumstances to watch the children.

I don’t reply.

Yesterday morning, I’m on my way into work and get this text:

“How is S2 this morning?”

Under normal circumstances, this is probably not an unreasonable question. We don’t have normal circumstances. Further, he’s got a cold. Give it a rest. You can call anytime in the evenings when we are home and speak to him about how he is feeling and if there is anything of an urgent nature to be communicated, I will certainly communicate them. Always have. Always will.

Anyway, I’m driving to work. I have a meeting when I get there. However, this isn’t about S2 at all. It’s all about her. It’s about her requiring interaction with me. The child isn’t in the hospital. He is not bed-ridden. He has a freakin’ cold. While in the meeting 40-minutes later I get the following text:

“Why do you have to ignore me? I don’t do that to you.”

I don’t reply for obvious reasons. It’s the typical “I’ve contacted you, stop what you’re doing and reply to me RIGHT NOW!”

This is followed an hour later by an email:

LM,

I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to let me know how S2 is today? If I have to call the school and say, is S2 in today, because he was sick when I sent him to his father’s and I’m worried about him and my ex-husband will not communicate with me (much like I did when S1 was sick) It’s going to make you look like you’re a total weirdo.

It may seem neurotic to you, but as a mother, I worry constantly about my children. S2 is my baby. AND a close friend of mine just lost her son, so I’m a little more neurotic than usual, so for my peace of mind….and as to NOT let yourself look like a bigger jerk, could you please let me know how he’s doing?

PEW

Yet another example of her seriously overblown sense of mothering and infantilizing S2. He has a cold, people. Maybe she fears this cold will lead to death, I’m not sure, but I find the loss of a friend’s child, unspeakably tragic as it may be, a bit dramatic a reason for the incessant contact regarding S2’s cold.

Interestingly, while tossing out her customary insults and threats - she still manages to portray herself as Mother of the Year and helpless victim.

He has a cold, people.

She can call like any normal person does - after we get home from work. She doesn’t do this because I simply give the boys the phone as I have no desire to speak with her unless it’s a matter of importance. Of course, that’s why she doesn’t. She wants to interact with ME. If she were to simply check on the children after work, she can’t portray herself as the victim of a non-communicative, meanie ex-husband who doesn’t care about her overwhelming care and worry about her “baby” who is suffering from the dreaded, debilitating common cold. She can’t imply to the children’s teachers that I don’t communicate and therefore she is forced to call the school to find out about whether or not S2 will pull out of this dreaded malady. She can’t direct me how to care for the long-suffering child. She can’t demonize me.

Much like I did the last time she pulled something similar to this, I do reply:

PEW,

He is still sick. Feel free to call this evening.

~LM

Okay. Short. To-the-point. Low-contact. She has her update. Does it stop? Of course not:

LM,

does he still have a fever? this would be the fourth day…maybe you should call the Dr.

~PEW

There it is, the same suggestion she’s made every single time. If it isn’t “maybe you should take him to the doctor” it’s “maybe you should call the doctor.” I don’t respond. I predicted to DW that I would get no fewer than 3 email replies to my update. Oh, the Fantasy Email Replies that could have come from some of this.

[fantasy email]PEW,

PP’s services won’t be necessary. DW is an actual real-life mother and knows how to take very good care of the children. She has everything lovingly under control. No worries.

~LM[/fantasy email]

I did get two more emails after that, though they were unrelated to the illness. She did call and talk to S2 and there was more discussion about Fifth’s Disease and I said loudly while they were st
ill talking, “S2, you don’t have Fifth’s Disease” and then laughed.

S2 didn’t have a fever all day, was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I got home from work and will be able to return to school this morning.

People - he had a cold.

…..

UPDATE 9:40 AM 3/11/2008: After telling her last night that S2 was fever-free and would be going to school, only moments ago I get another text message from PEW:

How is S2? Did he go to school today?

Scary. Stay tuned… I’m sure there is more to come…

Another example of her Domestic Terrorism