Welcome To The Psycho Ex-Wife
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Over the last 4 years I have been involved with a man who has a psycho ex wife. Psycho. She has wrecked havoc on our lives and the lives of our children. The sad part, SHE divorced HIM. And yet, she can’t let go. We have been through 3 custody evaluations, 6 false contempt petitions, 3 custody schedules, 1 psych evaluation, 1 false child abuse allegation, 2 false calls to the local sheriff’s office, 4 years of parental alienation, $80,000, 1 break in, 1 case of stalking, 1 restraining order, and we FINALLY have 50/50 custody of their children.
We know we aren’t alone. We have fought a legal system that keeps children with their mother no matter what she does. So we are going to lay it all out for you here. We will be weaving our story through the present and the past, a past that also includes e-mails and IM’s from the time they were married. We hope you enjoy watching the trainwreck, we hope you find the help if you are in a similar position, and we hope you will share us with your friends.
December 29th, 2007 at 4:43 am
Just finished reading the whole thing. Nicely done. Looking forward to more.
January 7th, 2008 at 2:53 am
Don’t know that I can read this whole blog…because I would wonder if someone else was living the life my husband and I have been. Like you, my hubby has 2 boys, and I have a son and daughter. My ex also has a PEW…except with the added benefit of her being remarried to a registered sex offender…which she kept hidden for three years. And yet, it took years of court battles (we stopped counting at $35K…probably closer to $75K). So there are others out there who know what you are going through; the absolute frustration and fear for the kids.
On a bright note, my husband does have sole custody, but his PEW currently owes over $16K in CS, and God knows how much for the medical and counseling…which we’ll probably never see, but at least the boys are safe. As long as PEW and her even more psycho mother don’t show up from 2000 miles away demanding to see the boys, as they have tried.
Just know that (unfortunately) you’re not the only ones who have had to go through this. *sigh*
January 7th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Oh, do we ever know. Welcome to our story and thanks for sharing yours. We hope you’ll stop back.
Best wishes to you and your family.
January 10th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Well let me start the popcorn and take a seat.
January 10th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
lmao, soul… you better have a might big bucket o’popcorn!
Thanks for stopping by.
January 11th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Thanks for stopping at my blog and commenting. It is so unfortunate that these tragedies to people’s lives occur with startling frequency.
I do encourage you to blog, silence on these abuses is our mutual enemy. It is only when people learn of these stories and knowing that it could easily be them that will get people to take notice and demand changes.
Also by sharing stories you are providing valuable insight for people who are in the middle of this crap and to distraught to think straight.
Thank you, I look forward to reading more.
January 12th, 2008 at 1:37 am
I just started reading your blog and I love it. The increasing prevalence of PEWs is amazing. I too am married to a wonderful husband and father of two plagued by a PEW. Until reading your blog and comments, I thought I was the only person living a re-run from Desperate Housewives–over and over and over and over again!
I agree wholeheartedly that the legal system is biased towards men. My example…the PEW assaulted my husband and even though she admitted the same to the arresting police officer and the judge, the judge dismissed the case on the grounds that the PEW was provoked. That he (the judge) himself may have reacted the same way if in the same situation and therefore he would not “tarnish” her record. What you ask was the provocation? The PEW was violently shaking my stepson and trying to force him to get in her vehicle. My husband stuck his hand in the PEW’s vehicle and turned off the engine. He did not want the PEW to jump in the car and drive off with the children after displaying such aggressive behavior. The PEW turns around and begins punching my husband in the head, back, face, etc. I called the police and the PEW was arrested.
Tell me where was the provocaton? She was free to leave no punishment, even though two years ago she was on probation for previously assaulting him. Thank God the civil court realized the danger — we were at least awarded a restraining, which she violated twice the day it was issued and we were forced to call the police.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:15 am
The long and winding road… Wishing you all brighter days ahead! Thanks for sharing.
March 12th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Oh. My. Goodness. I am SOOOOO glad I found you guys!!! I feel like we are related! LOL. I am the not-so-new g/f (20-something yrs old) of a now divorced ($100,000 in legal bills later) late-thirties man who has the PEW to end all PEW’s! We call her Hoser….it started as Hose Bitch and evolved from there. 2 year divorce, attempted restraining orders, lying to the police about assaults, requests for $30,000 per month lifetime alimony on an 8 year marriage, going to a TMobile store to have an employee there call me to find out who I was, deposing well over 30 people for standard divorce proceedings, asking me to produce all receipts of anything that had been purchased for me over the past 2 years, racing to to the school to see who would be able to get the kids before the other, screaming phone calls and more screaming phone calls, informing half of the city in which we live that my b/f was gay and that’s why SHE left HIM (couldn’t have been that he hated her and had found someone hotter and 11 years younger, could it?), instructing her 6 year old not to touch me, refusing to give my b/f 50% custody even though he said he wouldn’t take a reduction in child support. Dropping off $90 she owed my b/f in pennies at his office, in a bag. Refusing to take the kids for 3 days this coming Spring while we will be out of town, but also EXPRESSLY OBJECTING (as her attorney wrote), to us using a babysitter. The list goes on. And on. And on. And ON. Next move - we’ve requested an independent psych evaluation. Wish us luck! I don’t know who put this woman on the planet, but I don’t think it was God, we’re pretty sure it was the other guy. P.S: The only saving grace is that she looks like one of those troll dolls and it makes me laugh. Maybe that’s why she straightens her hair, to keep it from sticking up like that LOL
July 11th, 2008 at 1:53 am
I posted a comment elsewhere, although I want you to know that I feel for you, and hope everyone in this “dramedy” find some measure of peace. But I have to ask: How did so many men manage to marry so many PEWs?? There must have been something attractive in the beginning? And with so many children involved, well… you loved her for 2 minutes, at least. I’m just befuddled by so many men (and occasionally, women) bemoaning the nightmare ex they’re dealing with, but you MARRIED this woman/man! Oh well… this was my other post:
Okay, I know I’m inviting MASSIVE ABUSE if I say this, given the outpouring of love and adoration from posters previous. But… I’m just a little bothered by the venom here. Especially by the new “B/F and G/Fs”. Laughingly referring to the ex’s as pigs, jabba, OLD and any other number of lovely descriptions. One of you even said an ex might be upset because her husband found someone younger and “hotter”. Uh… yeah. Ladies, all you beautiful, younger, saner G/Fs and live-ins… look, you’re all going to see your 30s. Maybe your 40s. God help you in your 50s. And you won’t be so “hot” anymore. Believe me. I was unbelievably hot in my 20s. 40’s been hard. And yes, I’m an ex. In fact, I’m called a “psycho ex”. But there’s two sides to the story ~ MY ex was a well-known meth head for years running. His meth addiction led him to late nights at strip clubs, which led to his hooking up with all number of nasty and unsavory, uh, hotter and younger women. I stayed there through all of it, thinking we’d turn a corner. He turned my life into a living hell for 4 straight years. He literally brought women into our home to SCREW in the other bedroom. I was so beaten down by then, I would just go to sleep. Did I scream? You betcha!! Did I act BPD? Oh yeah!! Did I finally pick myself up and leave?? Uh-huh. He moved in a girl about 15 years younger the next DAY. But I never called him again. Never drove by that house again. Sent him the divorce papers with a note that just said “sign”. After 10 years together, I walked away with less than nothing, and slept in my car for a month. Oh… he kept the house. The hidden bank accounts. The girlfriend. I kind of understand that there are always TWO SIDES to every story, and maybe some of you guys weren’t the peaches you claim. She probably IS a nightmare, but it just turns my stomach reading all these other “women” claim to be the sane, beautiful, younger replacement. I can’t wait. I’ll stay tuned 10 years from now. Oh… I’m married to a hot foreigner now, and it was the best thing I ever did.
July 11th, 2008 at 3:30 am
Mrs. Sharif… your comments are very welcome… and very funny, too - be they serious in part or in whole.
Let’s see…
How did so many men manage to marry so many PEWs?
The reasons are too many to list and I don’t know the entire relationship dynamics of everyone who posts here. In my case - the simple answer is this: I was an idiot and have admitted as much many times throughout this “dramedy.” I ignored many red flags that pre-dated the actual marriage and forged ahead anyway. Obviously, I had some issues of my own back then and throughout the marriage and kept myself “in it” when I clearly should have cut & run, for everyone’s sake - including PEW’s. You mentioned “and occasionally women, too” - probably on par with men. Neither gender has the market cornered on foolish relationship decisions.
I’m just a little bothered by the venom here. Especially by the new “B/F and G/Fs”. Laughingly referring to the ex’s as pigs, jabba, OLD and any other number of lovely descriptions. One of you even said an ex might be upset because her husband found someone younger and “hotter”.
Regarding the “venom” you occasionally see posted here - yes, I will occasionally say some unkind things about the PEW. I’m human. I understand how it must appear to some and while two wrongs don’t make a right… given what I have endured, I may let loose with a comment such as that in the interests of both “release” and humor.
The “hot” comments were intended as humorous, sarcasm, and to provoke a *rolleyes* or perhaps a laugh. We know we’re not as “hot” as we allegedly think we are!
[Your personal experience]
We’ve also mentioned many times here that there are “PEHs” as well as “PEWs.” They read, comment, and email here, too! Many of the suggestions I/we offer are beneficial to both genders who may be dealing with a high-conflict ex-partner.
We’re also THRILLED that you married a hot foreigner! Onward and upward for you!
August 21st, 2008 at 3:04 am
I just stumbled across this and I am just taking the first steps in what I anticipate to be a long journey with P(soon-to-be)EW. Every journey must begin with the first step and I am ready. Your blog will serve as a grat read I am sure.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:24 am
Wow! what can I say but thank you! Never thought I’d find a place like this while researching on my honey’s(soon to be husband)own PEW. I’m an RN and I knew there was something seriously wrong with her from very early on. We’ve had custody of his son for nearly a year(by the boy’s choice and then by police recommendation-they were called when PEW was trying to pull said 12 year old out of Dad’s car by his hair, screaming and hitting at him), and yet now, he’s begging to go back to his abuser since she doesn’t yell at him anymore. CPS has been involved(they removed his daughter from the PEW’s house due to drug use, yet did NOT give her to dad-gave her to the PEW’s mother, per the PEW’s request. Said PEW has gone through CPS hoops and is trying to get both kids back, and unfortunately, it looks like she just might. Though, despite the PEW’s accusations of abuse by my honey(erm…’scuse me but he’s never touched me), and drug abuse(he’s passed every test with flying colors), and still, he might lose his son to a master manipulator. We’re fighting with everything we have, including school records from before he came to live with us, when he ditched nearly every day and started fires in the school bathroom, got arrested for shoplifting. And yup, she might still get them both back. Talk about a nightmare!
We are both exhausted, completely and totally. We were completely amazed though, that our ‘cast of characters’ is almost identical! Including my ex, who’s a little out there but is at least personable with me, my honey(who’s not perfect, but isn’t BPD either), the PEW’s mother(whos nearly as crazy as she is), the PEW’s brother-who is a wannabe cop, the PEW’s little sister who got pregnant at 16 and managed to piss off PEW enough that PEW assaulted her while pregnant, hmm…am i forgetting anything? lol It was nice to be able to laugh in the face of such horrid dealings…and heart breaking sadness we get from these wonderful kids of his.
October 10th, 2008 at 4:44 am
daelyn263,
I can sympathize with you, as my husbands ex (never wife) is also a master of manipulation. She’s just the kind of sly thing that rarely gets caught (drugs, theft, etc)… and when she does rats on others to sneak her way out of any charges. These are the worst kind of PEWs because there’s the burden of PROOF. Fortunately for us, we’ve had many character witnesses and random helpful citizens (she passed on a double-solid while speeding with the child in the car).
“Our” daughter has been safely with us for over a year, But my concern lays with the other TWO (different Father) who still reside with her… and there’s one more on the way!
October 25th, 2008 at 6:23 am
I just started reading your blog, and I have to say I am quite entertained. DH also has a PEW, and we are currently going through a custody battle for SS12. I wonder if the PEWs of this world have a class they take to become PEWs. They all act the same, crazy!
After reading your blog, I am almost tempted to go back through our 3 years of notes on our PEW to get a couple of laughs. But I’m not that sadistic.
Thank you for sharing your life with us!
October 26th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Just a quick update on my situation. Final (?) trial was 10/15/08 (divorce (after 35 years)..no minor children).
To jog your memory my PEW charged almost $7000 to credit cards despite court order against using the card, had 2 knew replacement surgeries (although the doc originally said he wouldn’t do them).
I got the normal man hosing in court. She was “punished” for defying court order (and for removing $1800 from my account while I thought we were trying to reconcile) by loosing 4 months of support. The problem is the months come 11 years & 4 months from now (yes, that is how long Ohio court ordered me to support someone who walked out on me while I was at work)! If she does anything in that time (like remarry) that stops support there won’t be any consequences of her action! As a bonus I was saddled with half of the debt (a total of $15000 inc. the latest $7000). Court wouldn’t listen to my complaint about that.
As a further bonus she walked out of the trial and proceded to use the card 2 times AFTER the divorce!
I tried to cancel the card (couldn’t do it before due to the court order) and SHE put a password on the account so I was unable to do anything! After filing a motion to have her charged with contempt she called (@ 1 am) and left a voice mail telling me the password is…get this…TODD! The burning question I get now is: “WHO THE HELL IS TODD”? I haven’t known anyone named Todd since high school and I REALLY doubt she thought of him as a password. But I DO know that, one of the things, she charged was a couple of nights in a motel (different times not in sequence)! Things that make you go “hmmmm”!
Anyway, the card is now closed so, naturally, the court refuses to charge her! Doesn’t really care that she commited the act…the card is closed so no foul!
She attempted to change the password used to get into the secure storage area where stuff is kept from the house (didn’t accomplish this because the company told her the unit was in my name).
I’m still waiting on the amount of support. It is now in the hands of an accountant. Seems the court ordered suppport to be set at an amount that equalizes income AFTER taxes! She works 4 hours a day and I make 5 times what she does…wonder how THAT will come out?
I’m not sure if I will waste my time trying to appeal the decisions…or just be glad its over!
I can only repeat THANK GOD THERE WEREN’T ANY MINORS!
October 26th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Dave, I am wholly unsurprised by what you describe. It benefits the courts in situations like these to treat the women as helpless victims of circumstance. They probably figured it is easier to treat your PEW as someone who was in “financial need” and you, as the man, could handle just a *little more* expense.
It’s happens every single day and thousands of times across America.
Some things are just not worth fighting. History, in your case, seems to indicate that it’s a losing effort and to add more expense to that sum would probably be foolish.
Be glad she’s gone.
October 29th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Hi, I was just browsing looking for ideas on how to handle the latest PEW crisis and found your blog. Our PEW left my husband to be 7 years ago for another man. We have been together 6 and life is a never ending battle. We always try and see the humor in everything she does, even when she broke into our emails, wormed her way into our home by pretending to need to go to the toilet and then cut up my clothes and sending the child abuse and sexual assault squad to my home (before we lived together). This is just a very minute sample of the things she has done, but as I say we take it with good humour, brush ourselves off and don’t retaliate we have however made it very clear that we won’t be manipulated by ignoring her taunts and sending having the police speak to her. Getting her into court has been a nightmare, here in Australia the court system works differently, you now must go through mediation, we tried court earlier, but as she keeps getting pregnant (just had her 4th child to a 4th different man) she has the court dates put off constantly. She refuses mediation - but this is about to catch up with her and she will have no choice but to participate or risk loosing her child support.
As we don’t have legal custody (and by the way neither does she!) it puts the whole family into disarray, she only lets my partners parents and sister see the little girl on the condition that they don’t allow my partner to see her - they often agree and then have my partner accidentally pop into see her! This is putting a big strain on all of our relationships though, particularly as his parents are elderly and his mother can’t believe that this “lovely girl” that was part of her family would behave like this, so she talks to her constantly, sends gifts to PEW and her new boyfriend for their birthdays and believes all the stories this nutter feeds her, until we prove her wrong again. She has been proven to be a liar time after time, but my in laws to be are so afraid of not being able to see their grand daughter that they bow to her demands. I can’t help that think that if we all showed a united front this nightmare PEW might back down. Family relationships are really suffering now, our wedding is about a week away and it is just taking the shine off the whole thing and we were quickly loosing our sense of humour! But THANK YOU your blog has made us feel much better, knowing that we aren’t the only ones that suffer through this stuff!
November 28th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
I am so glad that I have found this site. After my separation almost 5 years ago I vowed to not fight anymore. I lived in the same neighborhood for 10 months and tried to maintain my relationships with my daughters.This entire time my PEW was doing the scorched earth thing. Every effort was obstructed and manipulated. Every friend and family member had to be on her side or she no longer spoke to them and my children were not allowd to see them. I chose to move on and start a new life. I moved to Colorado 1700 miles away from my daughters. I bought them cell phones and those calls were interupted. Every attempt at visitation was controlled. I made frequent trips back to Philadelphia to see them and each visitation was controlled and manipulated. I could never pick them up at the house. It had to be in an open public area. Mind you there was never any abuse or even accusations of abuse to the courts. I could not understand. Every court decision went her way. I gave her whatever she wanted and did not fight. My point is that I am concerned that my approach is not working. I wanted to stop all of the fighting for my daughter’s sakes. I thought that they would see that I do not bad mouth there mom. I even sent holiday and birthday cards util she insisted that I stop. I was trying to be civil. The current court order states that I can call them on Monday and Wednsday evenings. Most times those calls are interupted. and I have faithfull called for 4 years. The conversations are so strained. Any attempt to spend time with them allone has been denied.I did not fight this in court. I am waiting for them to be ready but I fear that they will allways remain poisoned.
December 7th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Hi,
Somewhere in one of your posts you asked if you should contact your PEW’s first husband.
I highly recommend it. Hell, he’ll probably congratulate you on getting free. Maybe even buy you a drink.
I talked to a lot of my ex wife’s friends and wondered why they never kept in touch after the divorce and found out my ex had told them all sorts of lies, that I hated them, never wanted to see them again…ect
We sat down and talked , putting 2 and 2 together, realizing for the first time what a deceptive, manipulative person my ex was, ( still is ).
I also contacted her ex employer, as I had always wondered why she suddenly was let go from a great job.
Well, the employers wife found out her husband was having sex with my ex. I guess that was a deal breaker.
What made us ever want to marry this person in the first place ? I should have seen the red flags when my ex’s father’s comment on seeing the engagement ring was ” Well, you’re stuck with her now ”
Peace and Faith, my friend.
Warm regards,
R
December 18th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Hi,
I am working on my PP questionnaire today and was surfing for info when I found your site, this propted a two hour delay in my completion of the evaluation form it also has prompted a long (after hour) conversation with my lawyer ($500 I am sure) but most importantly a eye opener and complete revision of what I had filled out before. I have a nice long story of PEW involving all the “normal” cast of characters False DV charges, parental alienation, lies, RO order, financial alienation, thousands of dollars with lawyers ($10k a month for last five months), gender bias….. Every time I have paperwork to fill out I say the same thing to myself “I am not going online” because my eyes will be opened wider to the reality of our Family Court System and just how bad it is for Fathers, and yes it does get worse. Keep up the good work I really like you site, when I have more time I will contribute some more.
C
December 19th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Welcome, Chris. Hang in there.
January 10th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Hello, I know that each of you have one hell of a fight on your hands and a hard road ahead that never appears to get better, Let me rephrase, it does sometimes appear to get better, but once you know to be on guard 24/7 you do not buy into the whole “i’m really ok with your marriage now” (last week I was trailor trash wh–e, even though I am an educated, attorney. What really gets me is (emphasize) (I met my current husband several years after he and psycho divorced. I DID NOT CONTRIBUTE TO THE DIVORCE Granted they did still do things together as a family for the sake of their 2 year old, but once he and i became serious and were discussing marriage, he stopped letting her control him; he stopped the family vacations etc. all hell broke lose, my hubbie is 65 i am 40, we are both lawyers, he has been a prominent attorney on Louisiana for over 35 years. She concoccted some bs story and went to the police and accused him of identity theft and had him arrested with his fAce plastered all ov er the news, fortunately th ecommunity knows him and her and the da and ag determined she had no evidence (how could she) why did they take her word (because victims rights laws require the police to make an arrest based soley on th allegation of one witness, and this one is pyscho. well it has been 6 months, their daughter is with us after the custody hearing and now she is caling and wanting them to be friends like before, she is just so sweetm that is when i get scared. so far thanks to your website he has handled her, not returning calls that require no response, like “well are you bringin Logan to me at 6″ uh yes as i have forever and never missed a day, thanks for your site, it is saving our marriage
February 12th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this site…I am close to “losing it” with all the crap I’ve been dealing with for almost two years now. I decided to “google” step mother dealing with psycho exes and your site showed up. As I read I felt more understood than I had in a long time. I am sure I will read and comment more in the near future but right now have to face the PEW at the kids swimming lessons. Fun, fun fun…
February 12th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Everyone is welcome, Dorothy. I hope you find the site and the contributors helpful with your plight.
February 17th, 2009 at 1:54 am
This website is great, Thanx. Isn’t it ironic, many women are writing in support of their spouses, and their dilemmas. I’ve heard it all, and been through it all, for just over ten years now. In my experience, these ex’s are an evil force with major sociopath and narcissistic characteristics, ones that we are somewhat afraid of. That’s why they feel they have the power. Luckily my spouse has sole custody of his three children. We were fortunate enough to get monitored visits paid by her in 2005. And to date It has been 8 months since the ex has seen the kids, but the false accusations never end. When will these women see, fathers, like my husband, are the lifesavers for the kids who are exhausted trying to appease the ex wife and her evil agenda.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I am reading all of this and it reminds me of our delightful situation with my husbands PEW. She is on drugs, her visits are sporadic, and she is constantly calling our home and leaving strange messages on our phone. My husband has sole custody of his son. She only has 2 visits a week. She knows the court orders but is constantly calling us asking if we can bend the rules for her. When you tell her no she flies off the handle and will become irate. I don’t think these PEW’s realize how much they are harming their own children. I never talk badly about my step son’s mother because regardless of how I feel for her she is HIS biological mother. But I truly can’t believe how rude and immature her behavior is. If I were on drugs and wishy washy with visiting my son. I would be glad that someone else helped him with homework, fed him, and loved him like he was her own son, when bio mom for whatever reason is UNABLE to do. But all I get is name calling and immature taunts at me. I never expected her to love me but the immature bullying wasn’t something I thought a grown woman would start. Geez I’m saddened by the whole situation and wish she could see how her behavior is HURTING her son.
April 5th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Yes psycho ex wives can be an absolute living hell. The nut job i am dealing with actually is remarried to an old man that his pyscho ex ruined their life. But yet this crazy b*tch is doing the same to us. She is insane. Cares nothing for her children. She cheated on her husband (my boyfriend) and left him for another man and now is married to that man, but she refuses to leave my boyfriend alone. She manipulates through the kids, she even tells the kids awful things about me when I have never done anything to her. I mean seriously who is that evil of a person to drag a 7 and 10 year old into the drama. Why cant we just get along. She is remarried its time to move on. I assume she has still had control over him up until the point when I entered the picture. Now he is not kissing her ass as much. ANd she doesnt like it. But who cares!! She left him. Hasnt she out this man through enough. Now she doesnt even want him to be happy or move on, even though she did. The is no talking or reasoning with this woman. I do beleive she is disconnected from true reality. Her mom and sisters wont speak to her because of her lies, manipulation, oh and she is a thief. Maybe she will leave us alone eventually. Cause i love this man and we are getting married and both of us agreed she wont stop that. We both agree that we are soul mates and belong together. And will not let a jealous, old, bored, and completely insane woman tear us apart.
April 6th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
So, I’m sitting here on the verge of tears and I Google “I can’t take his ex-wife” and it directs me to this site. I feel for EVERYONE. Trust me. I have been with my husband for five years and I can’t shake this woman! From the minute she has found out he was with me, she started calling me, telling me all of these horrible things about him, coming to my house to try to convince me to break up with him. I wasn’t rude to her at all. I actually listened to her (what was I thinking?) and broke up with him (took him back, broke up with him, took him back…) You know, it was supposed to be a “we women must stick together” kind of thing. I was a true idiot! I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. I knew that he had two children, and they always seemed like good girls, but I still wasn’t prepared to be a stepmom. Well, he got divorced, she basically got everything (the house, the car, maintenance/alimony, a ridiculous amount in child support) and he got…drama. She’s also not responsible for taking care of her kids (that’s our job because everything is our, or his, fault for leaving her). He and I ended up getting married and having a child of our own. The kids are all great. I am the stepmom and I do get put into the “evil stepmother” category once in a while, but that’s expected, right? She has not stopped taking him to court for more money, more money, more money (I don’t get it, you receive so much money a month and the children are with us the majority of the month, why in the hell does the freaking judge keep granting her wishes? I blame the attorney.) My husband is not a millionaire, he’s not even a thousandaire (is that a word?) yet, she is nickel and diming him every chance she gets. She is also living with someone (a man old enough to be her father, better her than me) that is loaded, I mean RICH, yet she keeps trying to get into my husband’s (empty) pockets. The only good reason she keeps screwing with him that I could come up with is, she is still in love with him (YUP THAT’S RIGHT) and given the chance, she would love to have him back (she might make him beg, but for only like two weeks). Take it easy all the ex’s reading this! It’s the plain and simple truth. Here’s the thing, a woman who doesn’t give a rats behind for a man, simply, doesn’t want anything from him (except to never see his sorry a$$ face again), yet, a woman who still cares for a man wants to ruin his life in any way she possibly can (in our case, it’s our wallets, which really sucks because I haven’t paid the gas bill in about 5 months) because she is so pissed that he chose another woman over her (PEW thoughts: The grass is not greener on the other side, he’ll see and he’ll come crawling back because I am the best wife ever. How could he even believe there is someone better out there? He just has to learn the hard way and I’ll show him how hard it will be. Until then I’ll wait. Ummm…keep waiting). To me, she can’t let go because in her eyes he chose wrong. No, these women probably weren’t psycho before these men married them, but they turned into the crazy, psychotic, lunatics because they can’t have exactly what they want and what do women want? EVERYTHING! As you can see, I’m very frustrated that I have no way of paying my bills and tomorrow we have court because she needs more money (for what, I assume to get her nails done). Arggggggh…I’ll be sitting in the dark and she’ll be off vacationing in Florida…she sucks!
April 13th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Well my boyfriends ex-wife is an educated attorney in louisiana, she us to have the respect of the community before she got strung out on narcotics and cheated and tore the family apart. She is making up lies about me, causing problems so I cant see the kids. And the lazy druggie never takes the kids to soccer practice or attends one game. But since I been in the picture, she showed up at my boyfriends house and demanded he drive her and the kids to soccer game. I mean why couldnt she drive herself, why does she have to ride with him. She is just making things hard. But I know she is doing that for that reason. So I am just shaking it off and we are letting it go. We are actually learning to laugh about it. Yes she is nuts. Most nuts are funny. All you can do is laugh. But if she ever goes to far with her nuttiness. Then I guess I will take care of it when that day comes. Hopefully the senior citizen she is married to wont croak any time soon cuz if he does she will be even more crazier and vendictive to us.
April 18th, 2009 at 7:14 am
I can’t believe how similar our stories are - and I’m writing this from New Zealand! my husband has the psycho ex wife and we’ve been through it all - custody, coaching the kids, child support and a fabricated assult claim just cuase she couldn’t be bothered dropping them off. NZ courts seem to be the same, biased towards the mother even though she left the kids. we have discovered the parenting orders aren’t worth the paper they are written on. it has cost us $ to try to get it enforced when she won’t follow it only for the court to do the oh well poor her thing. I’m sure you know what i wish for at every opportunity
someone should really offer a service.
April 18th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Wow! I have been the target of my husband’s extremely vindictive ex wife since we started dating almost 5 years ago. We married a year later. She has accused me of everything under the sun, filed numerous false police reports against me, and sent DHS over to our home regarding an unfounded and totally ridiculous claim that was dismissed. She talks bad about us in front of the kids, and if they ask for a little more time with us than the every other weekend they have now, she falls to the floor crying (literally according to the kids) and makes them feel guilty. There is SO much more I could write, but I must say that I am just so pleased to see this website! I feel like there are people out there who DO understand our situation. I remain very friendly with my ex husband (we have 2 sons), so it’s just unbelievable for me to see a parent dealing with things this way. It hurts the kids so much. My “bonus kids” came to me recently and begged my husband and I to let them move here with us. They told us some awful things that have been going on at their mom’s, which explained why they are so unhappy. We are going for a modification, but after reading about evaluations, and knowing how my husband got the shaft in the court room previously on custody…I am biting my nails on this one.
April 20th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I haven’t started reading the site yet - only the posts/responses so far. I did a google search on “ex-wife child support legal battle should we call off wedding” - and found this! I am so tired, and scared, and unsure at this point. Why doesn’t this lunatic, and her enabler (the judge), understand THERE IS NO MORE MONEY…unless of course she wants to get off her lazy ass and go to work for it like the rest of us do??? So maybe **I** can have my OWN child??? And MY money can go towards that instead of indirectly supporting her and her child, since my fiance can’t contribute anything to our life thanks to this judge. And then I’m supposed to have a smile on my face when his child is with us, and we get to pay for even MORE for him?? I know it’s not his fault, but damn he’s an expensive kid - this is just ridiculous. I don’t even know what else to say, I’m so exhausted and disgusted. I’m going to start reading the site now.
April 20th, 2009 at 10:02 am
…and I apologize - let me restate - “…my fiance can’t contribute anything *financially* to our life…”. He certainly contributes is heart, love, and soul to our life together. He doesn’t deserve this
But I don’t know how to go forward into this mess knowingly 
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
wow, i’m not alone in this mess and that kills me because I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. fell in love with the One this year, an amazing, generous, sweet, intelligent and wonderful man, who just happens to have a sociopathic ex-wife. i grew up in a house destroyed by narcissistic personality disorder (which most of the PEW’s have, pretty sure) and knew for certain, 100%, that I was back in hell when she broke into the house a few weeks ago while we were having dinner, screaming something like “don’t you ever ignore me when I leave messages for you motherf—–!”.
that was the garden spot, its been downhill from there. she is a high-functioning NPD, which means a master of pulling the wool over people’s eyes, and she tortured and cuckolded my bf for a year before she actually left for another man. she dropped her bf a month ago and now she’s back trying to destroy our relationship. she’s destroying the kids and in turn, ripping my bf apart. on my birthday last week she pulled in behind us in the driveway as we were pulling out, blocking us in, and pulled him out of the car in front of his 12 yr old son, screaming about him not buying a house she was trying to force him to buy (realtor, wants the commission). it was probably one of the most horrible scenes ever save a few from my own childhood (i’ve been here before), and i want to run run run as far as I can away from this woman except for one thing, i can’t leave him.
i’m in this for the long haul, and its looking like a horrifying road, but we’ll stick through it together or this will tear us apart, we’ll see.
for anyone looking for answers there are a lot of abuse recovery websites dealing specifically with NPD and sociopathic disorders.
keep you all posted as we start heading into it.
A
July 6th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
AHHHHHH!!! This woman has a new husband. She married him 2 weeks after hse met him and had ME babysit her kids for the weekend while they ran off and got married. She lied and said she had an emergency funeral to attend. The new husband sells drugs out of the house and just went to jail for shooting someone. She spent all of her money on his bail and lawyer and then has the nerve to ask us to pay for the kids soccer because now she cant afford it! She asked us to take the kids because she cant handle raising them, but quickly changed her mind when she realized she would no longer recieve food stamps and medicaid without the kids. Altogether their are 6 children: 4 at our house and 2 at hers. One of hers children is my husbands and the other isnt, but we take both children for her everyother week and this weekend she brought the children over throwing up in the car and got furious when I told her I could not afford to get our other 4 kids sick and asked her to take them home. This woman has not cut her kids nails in 5 years. I gave them their first haircuts, potty trained them, brush their teeth, taught them the ABC’s, drive them to soccer practice, all wile she is busy buying her husbands affection and letting him break her arm and steal her car. Her father even pays her mortgage…so what does she do?? She hustles me and tell her kids that I amjust a babysitter and to think of me as nothing more. In 5 years I have never said no to her until this sick weekend and now she is threatening to never let us see the lids again. I said, “Yeah, you take care of your own kids? That is hilarious and doubtful.”
July 6th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Vanessa… if there isn’t already one, you guys are long overdue for a court-approved custody agreement.
July 13th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Hi Everyone,
Man, I love this site. What a great refuge to come and read stories of people living paralell lives.
I have been with my guy and by extension his parasite PEW for over 8 years.He has 3 sons with her, I have 1 son and we just had a baby girl together. When we are in the dark depths of PEW’s terrorism and she is yet again denying my guy his visitation or we get yet another letter from her attorney packed full of fairly tales and instructions on how we should conduct our lives….(even though they have joint legal custody, so what he does with the kids is completely his decision); this is what we do.
We put it all aside for the moment, we get out of the house. Go for dinner or a movie or to the park and we plan for our future together. You know, when the kids are grown and you can make choices based on what you really want and not always what you have to do for your kids. Weather it’s traveling the world or moving to a farm, whatever it is, that day will come!! And if your with someone who you can see spending your golden years with, then think of these difficult times now as the “opportunity cost”
Furthermore, in a weird way, you must acknowledge that if your guy had not married a PEW, then perhaps he/she would still be married to that person and you would never have gotten to be with them.
And remember, despite their outward “apperances” people with BPD usually feel intensely alone and can never really be close or happy with someone.
Just think about how lucky you are to be snuggled tightly with the person you love and cheerish.
My prayers are with everyone out there dealing with the crazed antics of someone with this disease.
Mamma Bird
July 24th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
This site has probably saved my marriage. Thank you!!
August 1st, 2009 at 9:01 pm
So far, this site is saving my life, but not my marriage. I am on that thin line of going on divorce #2 because I cannot handle my husband’s PEW…. ANYMORE. She actually subpoena’d my financial documents… all because he wanted visitation for 2hrs. away from our home, every other Sunday (he gave up visitation 2 1/2 yrs ago because of the emotional abuse PEW was inflicting on those poor kids, and probably still doing, but not as frequently we hope). Just because I am married to him does NOT mean I am EVER going to contribute to her expensive vacations or BOOB JOBS. Lord knows the money does NOT go to the kids. Lawyer lawyer lawyer fees… when all that money SHOULD be going to the kids (my husband is pro se btw…. can’t even afford HIS own lawyer). I am so depressed and most nights pray that I will go to sleep and not wake up. But I have 2 beautiful boys, and they need me so I keep on waking up every morning taking care of them. I cannot believe how unfair and disgusting the “family” court system is. Should be called “who has the boobs and the fancy lawyer WINS no matter what” court system. I’m so revolted! And so very very sad…
August 1st, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Justice… consider registering with our forums… a lot of good people over there and wonderful ideas that may just help to get things on track.
I’m grateful to hear and proud to share with you that I often hear “…your site and your suggestions have saved my marriage…” so… maybe we can all help you, too.
Hang in there.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I have been dealing with all of this and more, courts, accustations, public humilation, etc. 2 ex wives that have teamed together to make my life a living hell. Moved my family 1800 miles,3 years ago to a small town to live with my fiance. Half the town believes these sociopaths. It has lead to my having a breakdown. I love my fiance but feel know that this is unhealthy for me and my children. It is nonstop. He has been divorced for 19 years and 12 years. they left him ( of course for someone with more money) and have since been through multiple divorces. Typical phsycopaths.they just do not want to see him happy. His kids are a total mess because of their mothers. 1 lives with us half time and is now taking his frustration out on my dgt. My fiance says they will tire out. It’s been 3 years, I am so emotionally fragile and always waiting for the next thing to happen. I am looking to move to another state to start over. my fiance is quite upset. am I doing the right thing?
January 2nd, 2010 at 12:11 am
I’m involved with someone who has a PEW. I’ve been receiving emails & texts through his accounts from her saying terrible things…I never respond…I had the joy of meeting her once when she tracked me down one time. I ignored her & left the siuation. She fights with him in front of their children calling me names. I’m afraid the kind of impact it will have on their relationship with me in the future…I’m in this relationship & love him, but it sometimes scares me. I know that’s her intent & don’t want her to win…but what do you think?