Orthodontist Braces Update - 2010 Edition
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The conclusion of this story wraps up what was started in Orthodontist Braces Update - 2009 Edition. Not unlike so many of our other issues, this one is protracted. So, the related events in 2009 pre-dated my 2010 job. That employment started us on the path to getting S1’s braces taken care of and yet… more bizarre circumstances will occur…
In December, when the final details were hashed out, PEW knew I had gotten a job. Now, keeping in mind that she was having financial issues of her own, the braces battle had gone into remission. My new job would change all that. I had barely gotten through introductions at my new place of employment when I got an email, my first day on the job…
LM,
Waiting to hear on the braces? If I don’t hear back by friday, I’m going to take off one day next week to file the paperwork for a court order. This can’t wait any longer.
~PEW
Are you kidding me? Waiting to hear “back” on the braces? Her last communication, aside from the “fuck you fest” was that she wasn’t pursuing the braces and she couldn’t afford it. Now, she’s “waiting” to hear back from me? Whatever story works on any given day.
I suggested waiting to find out what kind of insurance coverage I would be getting. I suggest this in the interests of not only saving myself money, but saving her money, too. The company is in the process of reworking their insurance and also trying to get it to me ahead of schedule. Worst-case scenario is waiting until April 1st, 2010. We go dormant on this issue (because there were others) again until February 3rd…
LM,
Did you find out if your new insurance has any coverage for orthodontics? we need to get this taken care of
~PEW
I reply with the update…
PEW,
I should know next month what the status of dental insurance will be. Whether it becomes available or not, we should be able to proceed. The company is in the process of securing a dental plan and they “should know” by March 1. If they don’t, they don’t.
~LM
Either way, we were going to move ahead anyway. Most orthos offer fairly decent payment plans for their fairly expensive procedures and I was working again.
LM,
we’re not waiting another month for something that is just a “possibility”. I was told to shop the price around because [Ortho1] said $5k and [Ortho2] said $7k and some people in work are saying that’s way too much. I’ll let you know what I find out.
~PEW
Remind me to someday thank PEW for letting me know who the mystery orthodontist was. I was able to call and confirm that he had seen S1 and his conclusions were the same as [Ortho1], however he said it really wasn’t a formal consultation. I would ultimately schedule one with [Ortho2].
More of PEW’s genius at work. Again, this wasn’t an emergency. If dental insurance was on the docket, the savings would probably start at $1,000 and end up maybe being more. Given the fact that she has been a financial mess (while being gainfully employed, collecting rent from her sister, and collecting child support), let this be an example of PEW’s financial acumen.
Nevermind that we’re absolutely going to wait because there isn’t much else she can do about it.
PEW,
Yes, we are.
I heard [Ortho1's] $5K price is about the norm from a dentist who highly recommended both him and [Ortho2]. If you find something better, let me know and I’ll run the name past him, too.
I’m very happy with using [Ortho1].
~LM
Drumroll please…
LM,
Yes we are.
~PEW
Oh, geeze, no, she’s pulling the toddler card. No reply and all goes quiet for about a month when I discover and disclose to her that there will be no dental insurance, “probably not” until June.
Now, from here on out, it’s really important that you pay attention to the dates, because this will show the lengths she will go to in order to lie… lie on her petitions… lie to custody evaluators… like to the judge and the court… lie to anyone who might have a chance to believe her bullshit.
MARCH 15TH, 2010
LM,
If you do not have additional coverage for the orthodontist, I would appreciate it if you went to [Ortho1's] office and signed the consent. Otherwise I will have to just go to another orthodontist who will not require the consent. What are you waiting for?
~PEW
She can do almost nothing without threatening tones, language, or both. Bullies. Her, her sister, her father, from whom they learned their bullying behaviors, language, and threatening tones.
That said, Dental Insurance still isn’t a guarantee and since I’m working, I agree, we should move ahead now. I reply… ON MARCH 15, 2010…
PEW,
Nothing. I’ll drop something off to them next week.
~LM
I was in [home-state] that week and would be returning to the office on Monday, March 22, 2010.
ON MARCH 22, 2010, AT 2:52PM, I receive…
LM,
Will you please drop off the consent to Dr. [Ortho1's] office please?
~PEW
I had already called their office on Monday and I was unable to get out during my lunch to get there with it. I had confirmed dropping it off to their office the following day. I reply…
PEW,
I expect to do so tomorrow.
~LM
Not satisfied with that response, psycho tosses out this gem…
LM,
Thanks to you S1 gets to start out middle school with a huge gap between his teeth…..great job Dad.
~PEW
Sad and pathetic. Reality is, if we did it in August of 2009, he starts school with a gap in his teeth, necessary for phase 2 - the installation of the braces. Reality is, no matter WHEN S1 starts with the expander, he will spend some time in school with a small gap in his teeth, which is absolutely no big deal to anyone but her. The things she worries about are astounding when you consider the things she’s not concerned about…
- Unfettered, unsupervised internet access even after the porn incident.
- Their health, their diet, and their weight.
- The crazy, gun-toting, lethal weapon owning neighbor kid who vandalizes her home and shoots our children with bb-guns.
- Buying them and letting them play adult-oriented video games that are rated “M for Mature” chock full of significant violence, vulgar language, and who knows what else.
- The whole “WWE” wrestling stuff that has been going on for years, including taking them to the uncensored live shows, this despite my previous protests and the fact that WWE’s own website says that their act is inappropriate for children under 14 (and I would argue inappropriate for children under 18).
That’s just a small sample. I ignore it. Continuing on in the afternoon of March 22, 2010… consider that I’m at work (because PEW doesn’t) and the email barrage begins…
LM,
Appointments that are available …this friday at 4:30 or Sat 4/10 at 9am to get things started….those are the two soonest appts and he’s with you both days….what do you want to do?
~PEW
LM,
I can take him on friday if you can’t….but [Ortho1's Office Manager] said if she doesn’t hear from you by tomorrow S1 can’t come
~PEW
LM,
So 9am on April 10th is ok?
~PEW
I am finally able to reply and do so at 9:08PM…
PEW,
Regarding S1’s appointment with Dr. [Ortho1]:
- I can’t do this Friday as I may have to go out of town for the day. If you would like to take him, that’s fine with me, I can just take the boys home from [their school event].
- If you can’t, I will call [Ortho1's] office and make arrangements for any appointment to take place during my next week. No problem.~LM
So, the reason I want people to pay attention to the dates is that this entire discourse takes place after she filed to sue me for full custody of the children again. She actually did so the morning of March 22, 2010, the time stamp indicating around 10:00AM. I wouldn’t find this out until a week later (and I would say nothing to her about it). But to be clear, everything in her petition is patently false, but this is one of the more glaring and easy issues to refute and prove again that she filed false accusations (and probably nothing will happen to her for it).
- On March 15th, I told her I was signing the consent and we were moving forward due to the lack of solid information on dental insurance through work.
- On March 22nd, I reconfirmed for her that I was dropping off the consent the following day - March 23rd, and that’s exactly what I did.
- She initiates and engages in primarily positive planning discussions all the while knowing that she filed a petition that is a lie, as if she didn’t do what she did on the morning of March 22nd, and continues those discussions for the balance of the week, even attending joint sessions with Ortho2 as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
- Even today, she continues to lie about the chain of events despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.
It’s downright freaky, but most definitely PEWish.
Then without warning, comes news on March 25th from work that a new dental insurance plan has been achieved. Further, the dental covers as much as $2,500 for orthodontics (one-time). I write her a message to hold up on the Ortho appointment.
PEW,
I was just handed a new benefits package that includes dental that looks like it has a fairly decent coverage for child ortho.
It’s supposed to be effective April 5th. I have to review the packet and take care of any questions that I have tomorrow.
So, don’t schedule anything for before April 5th.
~LM
There would end up being more normal discussions as we headed into and through April. Bottom line is we ended up switching to Ortho2, because he was in the network and Ortho1 was not. While Ortho2 was more expensive, he reduced the fee in addition to insurance coverage which will ultimately save us both a good chunk of change over the long-haul.
And for all of that effort and savings, I get sued for full custody for the 5,742nd time in the last six years.
Anyway, I’m pleased to report that the process has been underway, everything is going along smoothly, and no emergency, crisis, nor other catastrophic situation has resulted from waiting until we actually had the ability to pay for the braces, something PEW often fails to consider when undertaking major expenditures.
July 28th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Wow.. as a step mom and custodial mom, This is all so VERY familiar. But in our situation the psycho bio mom has “won”.
July 28th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Sorry to hear that SadMom.
The problem with this whole mess is that people tend to fail to look at the reality that a failure to be able to pay your ortho bill means that the ortho stops providing treatment.
Starting and stopping would be FAR more detrimental to S1 than waiting, starting, and finishing. Instead, we’re debating shit that doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things.
Starting now is going to be far more beneficial to S1 in the long run than starting then and running into a problem of payment.
CSE’s threats don’t make money magically appear. All it does is start the chain of punitive treatment that doesn’t do anyone any good, most especially the children.
Those things don’t matter to PEW… only the here and now… the instant gratification… and someone acceding to her demands under threat of escalation.
July 28th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
What? No “thank you’s” for securing a job with ortho benefits or for patience resulting in savings for her?
What is her basis for the custody suit this time? Oh that’s right, you breathe. And it’s ALWAYS wise to go back to court when both parties are financially suffering, right? Because that helps the kids out trememdously!
Sorry for the dripping sarcasm, but she makes me want to vomit. She’s even worse than our PEW… and that’s a pretty hard act to top! Glad your son is progressing well through the treatment.
July 28th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
OK, so lest I repeat myself. There are ways to write off medical expenses as a company expense for kids that don’t live with you full time but are still yours (whether by adoption or biology).
You need to have a company (not sure where you are as tax law is different for C corps, S corps and LLC’s in different states (so making dobble head dolls out of your kitchen with the “expectation” of profit) works well. Then “employ” child in cleaning up house. Business pays for medical expenses either through a medical benefit trust with before tax money that “employee” or son in this case takes off his paycheck from you or through company paying for medical insurance. It’s alot harder than it looks here but it means that you are able to pay expenses with income before you pay tax on the income. (100% of money rather than trying to pay expenses with 60% of the money you originally earned).
July 29th, 2010 at 12:04 am
Just reminds me of my hubby’s own PEW - who, when informed that SS needed ortho treatment - refused to pay for such a “cosmetic” treatment. (Probably because she was in debt for her boob job).
July 29th, 2010 at 6:49 am
Funny, with my husband’s PEW we had the opposite problem. Oldest daughter needs (still) braces. Went to 2 orthos who both gave the same opinion - that she has functional issues with her teeth that will worsen over time. Not hard to figure out, since she has adult teeth that haven’t come in yet (at 13) because of crowding.
Despite these facts, pew doesn’t “feel they are necessary” (ie: doesn’t want to pay for them). I guess she knows better than the orthodontists. She sent my husband a long winded letter about “victimizing” their daughter by “subjecting her to cosmetic surgery without her consent”. Then filled the child’s head with all kinds of BS about how horrible it will be to have braces - how much it will hurt, it will be so embarassing, other kids will make fun of her, etc. (I guess walking around with missing teeth is ok.)
Of course PEW won because she’s the CP, so that means she gets the ultimate decision on whether or not the child gets braces. So child was rewarded with a new bedroom set. (ie: pew had the money to pay for braces, just won’t).
Of course, dental hygiene has never been a high priority in pew’s house. My husband has always had to literally force her to take the children to have their teeth cleaned, or just take them himself during his time if it wasn’t a weekend. The youngest was 6 before she ever saw a dentist. That happened because my husband filed for custody, and all of a sudden the kids were seeing the dentist and all the other things that pew never did.
Their daughter, who is still too young to know any better, thinks her dad is a big meanie for trying to make her have braces.
July 29th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Just wait until the college wars start. My husband’s pew started in april 09 looking at 40K schools (none were prestigious just easy to get into), told her we would only pay 1/2 of a state school which is what both parties can afford. The email wars continue for a year and we are consistant, 1/2 of state school, we got accused of not responding to what we will pay, even though we repeated it many times. Then of course the child gets accepted to said 40k school and we get a suppoena for increase of child support (no children will be at home this is youngest), and change divorce decree to 50/50 of college costs..Her lawyer drew up divorce decree and put the wording that basically stated whoever could afford it so we were not held to 50/50 but paid 50/50 for oldest child (because we want children to go to college) however, now we are back in court and guess what we got what we said we would do 1/2 of a state school and a cap based on the state school However, in Pew fashion they lie and all the information we recieved in court about 1st year costs were wrong and there was an increase of $1000. (we do have the cap but it gets better) of course that get tied to who gets to take dependant on income returns, person who is paid up with college expenses. So lie 1 total tuition cost, lie 2, payment plan and what we were supposed to pay. Lie 3 due date of payment Lie 4 on vacation right after court so we can not get the “actual bill” to review #’s. Pew’s attorney told us to just send money to said college with no account number etc…Amazing…now have bill, payment has increased, bill was actually do July 1, Pew and probably attorney had new bill and new of increase all during negotiations and during court hearing. Now the emails are flowing about how my husband can bring himself “current” and he needs to “pay up” or son can’t step foot on campus. All those emails were 1 day after sending the “actual” tuition bill with the right numbers. So that is now we know the next fight, my husband can not take son on income tax returnes because he paid the college tuition late!!!!! Where do Pew’s find attorneys that lie just like them, I would like an attorney like that but I have yet to find one. Oh and Pew is off on another vacation, so she happened to go on vacation directly from Monday court hearing, come back the following Monday send bill, send threatning, manipulating emails and then is leaving on Friday for another vacation.. This PEW changes jobs every few years but seems to get 5 weeks vacation every year. Good deal with barely an education and a work history of about 14 jobs in 10 years! The are misarable beings and of course all three children are all screwed up and of course it had nothing to do with her, she is Mother of the year….4.5 years and counting, we are done..what a celebration we will have!
July 29th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
I hope we are not in for a ride “Medical Expense” train. After not letting BF talk with the girls for three days, she actually returns BF’s call (this never happens) but of course it’s b/c PEW wanted to inform BF of the “dental surgury” that SD2 was having in the morning. She asked “Do you want me to bring you the bill at exchange on Friday?” BF’s like “What are you talking about?” PEW’s like you are supose to pay for half .. he told he would check into it. He is supose to pay for half, but she is also suppose to consult with him during the decision making progress on non - Emerg medical. I hardly think the night before telling BF is considered consulting. They have state dental so I’m not sure how much or if any BF will have to pay. BF said he will get a bill directly from dentist so PEW doesn’t pull a fast one. BF said he will either pay his share…or tell her he is taking it out of the daycare/childsupport money that she owes him for past due child care he had to pay a few weeks ago. I’m not sure if that would fly in court if she took it there, but BF has to make his own decision, I can only give my opinion and advice!
July 29th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
ps…I ranted about our current issues but to sympathize with your orthodontia issues, This is what happened when s2 needed braces. my husband (dad) and me (step-mom) both worked and had dental coverage 1500 each, total cost for s2 was 3500, PEW after both our insurance was to make the remaining 500 payment, she was set up on payment plan of 65/month and kept emailing my husband that he owed half to her each month. As you can imagine the emails would start you are now 2 months in arrears to me, 3 months… every month for a year….No matter how many times we tried to tell her that 3500 - dad’s insurance 1500 =2000… and she owed 1000…because step-mom kindly put their kids on her policy, she only owed 500. Because we both worked and paid each pay period for a dental policy that saved her 500 she told the kids that my husband was a dead beat dad who would not pay for his son’s braces.. we not only heard this from the kids’s (heartbreaking) but friends who knew friends of Pew’s heard horror stories about what kind of a father would not pay for braces. That was 10 yrs ago..
July 29th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
I had an odd experience with my PEW (she really is psycho) several years ago also relating to braces. I had no idea that braces have become a part of the arsenal used by unstable women in the courts. My PEW sent me a letter - hard copy - stating that our son needed to “begin braces” as she put it - and that she needed 2000 dollars from me to pay for this. She brought her request to a judge who was about to order me to pay the 2000 dollars - when I intuitively asked the judge to have my PEW provide a contract from the orthodontist showing a dollar amount. The judge agreed with my request. It turns out that my ex had never even taken our son to the othodontist and there was no contract nor was there a need for braces at that time. I won.
I have been in court for 15 years, I have been lied to, lied about, slandered, blackmailed, threatenned, stalked, insulted, mocked,and humiliated during this time.
I have a relationship with our son that I fought for at great cost. I won. But I had to pay child support when my son lived with me.
It seems like most of the judges are women. Yet, the laws are mostly made by men to catch other men lying. Men lie about different things than women do. So-called family law allows women to lie because the laws are written to catch men lying not women. So we have things like braces, false accusations of child abuse, false statements of support, and so on. Society is not ready to accept that women lie.