This is Age Appropriate Television Viewing?
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Last night, I get an email from The Psycho Ex-Wife which is a follow-up to a voice mail my oldest son (9-years old) left me the previous night begging me to watch WWE’s Monday Night Raw.
Now, when I was a youngster, some 25-years ago, my brothers and I were sometimes watchers of the then World Wrestling Federation. The WWF was just coming-of-age then, and the basic premise was classic “good vs. evil” without all of today’s over-the-top storylines, which are far more advanced in age-appropriateness than professional wrestling was when I was a pre-teen and teen. Back then it was Saturday morning fodder. There is a reason why it’s often on at 9:00PM or later and pay-per-view. Today’s WWE is for ADULTS (despite all of the kids you see in the stands at events). Further, while I don’t agree with the low-end of the age group - even WWE’s corporate site specifies that it is “tailored to ages 12-34″ and that nearly 80% of their fans are 18-years of age or older.
I’ve explained to the children why I don’t like it. I’ve explained to the children why they’re too young to be watching the show. I’ve explained to them that the moves are orchestrated, very dangerous, take a lot of athleticism - and that they should never, ever try doing any of those moves ever. I told them stories of kids getting seriously injured and even dying from screwing around trying to emulate the wrestlers’ moves. They know my position without question.
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Hi LM,
I assume you got S1’s message about how he wants to watch Monday Night Raw. I respect your position on the wrestling, but I just want to let you know a couple things. I think that if you watch it with them you can censor it. S2 ALWAYS falls asleep by 9 anyway. You could tape it too if you don’t want them to stay up late.
This has been a huge upsetment every week when it’s time for them to go to your house. I want them to enjoy their time with both of us. It would be good for your relationship with them if you could explain that these are trained athletes and actors (which is what I always tell them) and tell them when you feel certain parts of the show are not appropriate. I don’t see that it’s more violent than football or hockey, so if they are so interested in the wrestling, I don’t see why we shouldn’t educate them on the subject. They would probably appreciate their father’s view on this subject more than mine. I don’t want them to be upset with you over this, but they keep telling me that they feel it’s unfair and that their upset with you over it. I don’t feel like I should make them stop watching it when they are here because I watch it with them every minute and I tell them explictly the parts that I think YOU and I do not like about it. And I always say “This is WHY DAD does not want you watching this”.
I think you should test drive it. Think about it. Watch it. See what you think. It has become such a huge thing for them. Particularly with S1 it brings up the whole subject of athleticism and the “being in shape” He idolizes these guys. Unfortunatly its so huge with all the kids at school so depriving them of it is only going to make them angry with you.
Think about it. I don’t want them to resent you over something that you could easily handle in your diplomatic way.
~PEW
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I did handle it in my diplomatic way: Kids, you’re not watching WWE. Discussion over.
Keeping in mind that my children are currently ages 6 and 9, allow me to share with you a “highlight” from the USA Network’s website regarding one of the many current storylines…
Mr. McMahon wanted his bastard son Hornswoggle to join the Kiss My Ass Club. When it came time for the little guy to pucker up, though, Finlay interrupted. After much yelling from Mr. McMahon, Hornswoggle finally leaned in … and bit his freshly buffed buttocks.
This is just a drop in the bucket. This isn’t the WWF of days gone by. It’s a “sport” that is rife with illegal drug abuse (primarily steroids and human growth hormones), the foulest language, promotion of excessive alcohol use (Stone Cold Steve Austin, a spouse-batterer would enter the ring and chug beer before matches), over-the-top violence (however fake it may be), objectifying and sexualization of women (the WWE Divas) - just to name a few.
The following are the names of some of the “signature moves” of the characters that my sons “idolize:” The Money Shot. The F-U. The S-T-F-U. The Backstabber. The “Cracker.” The Hollycaust. The Clothesline from Hell. I cringe when I hear them talk about these moves. I’m horrified that they are probably discussing this at school. Yes, I tell them that it’s inappropriate without telling them what some of those acronyms stand for. Yes, they know I don’t like WWE (for their ages) and will not allow them to watch it while they are in our home.
The PEW is insisting that I allow the children to watch this shit every week as she does. This, on a school night, when their bedtime is 8:00PM, a two-hour event which starts at 9:00PM. Mother of the Year.
Now despite everything I’ve written here, what burns me up more is the email. I’ve spoken about Parental Alienation Syndrome before. Now, it isn’t glaring in this email, but it’s barely subtle. I’ll break down some of the specifics.
What is written: This has been a huge upsetment every week when it’s time for them to go to your house.
What is implied: They don’t like that you won’t let them watch it when I do and I do nothing to explain to them the reality that it’s inappropriate for them to watch. I’m the good parent. Dad is the bad parent.
What is written: It would be good for your relationship with them if you could explain…
What is implied: You don’t know how to foster a good relationship with your children. I do. I’m going to tell you how…
What is written: I don’t want them to be upset with you over this, but they keep telling me that they feel it’s unfair and that their upset with you over it.
What is implied: I don’t want them to be upset with you over this, but I’m not going to lift a finger to stop it. I have no concept that it’s past their bedtime and that it’s inappropriate programming for children. However, that makes me the cool parent. You’re the bad parent. Pretty much whatever they demand, I will give them. It keeps me from ever being the bad parent.
What is written: And I always say “This is WHY DAD does not want you watching this”.
What is implied: Do I really need to explain this one to you readers? The all-caps isn’t by me, the emphasis is hers. Dad = bad. Mom = good.
What is written: I don’t want them to resent you over something that you could easily handle in your diplomatic way.
What is implied: Watching it is appropriate because I said so. You should do what I say because I have no control over their being mad at you because you won’t let them watch this crap.
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Unfortunately, from experience, nothing I could say in reply to this email is going to make a damn bit of difference. It’s the unfortunate byproduct of parallel parenting with a borderline. I simply cannot control what she does as a parent when they are in her “care.” I assure you, I’ve tried. It doesn’t matter. It only serves to escalate into a war, many of which you’ve already read here.
The big irony here is that she opens her email claiming to “respect” my position regarding the children watching this show and then proceeds to do everything in her email power to bend to the children’s desires. Worse - she
does nothing to reinforce the position I have on the issue with the children of which, the children are well-aware.
She truly lives in abject fear that if her children are upset in any way at her - she will lose them to me. It’s why they get toys every single time they go shopping for anything. It’s why she allows them to watch this kind of tripe despite the fact that it is completely inappropriate for children their age. She even trots out the sad “everyone else’s kid is watching it” as justification. It’s why they are confused by the normal parenting that takes place when they are with me 50% of the time, and the “Disney parenting” takes place when they are with her 50% of the time. Even when they have had disciplinary issues at school - she sloughs it off suggesting that someone at the school take care of it. I tell the school I will continue to address those issues at home.
It’s why they appreciate nothing that they receive. If they don’t get everything that they wanted at Christmas - they express displeasure for the things that they didn’t get, not appreciation for the things that they did get. Of course, mom rushes right out to satiate their every whim in the aftermath of their complaints.
It’s why they don’t often like the regular foods that I prepare for them for dinner. They get the easy, fast, junkie garbage that mom feeds them nearly every single night.
It’s why she would historically call me anytime there was some trouble to perform what I call “phone discipline” until I put a stop to that. I walked right into that “dad = bad, mom = good” set-up a few times before I wised up.
Rather than work in the same way that most normal parents do, she will almost always take the path of least resistance. Give them everything that they want to avoid upset because if they are upset, she must not be parenting properly.
I pray that when they come home and say, “well, everyone at school is doing drugs!” that she doesn’t encourage that, too.
~LM
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DW’S COMMENTARY:
Other than what LM said, here is what stands out to me. PEW cannot fathom having her children mad at her. She certainly can’t imagine that LM would be okay with his children being mad that he won’t let them watch a TV program. What the hell is she going to do when one of them comes home and wants to do drugs or drive while drinking? I know it seems like a stretch to normal people, but understand that this is the woman who does nothing when her son punches, chokes, spits on other kids at school. She doesn’t know what to do when there is a problem, and so she either gives in or ignores it. Sadly, it’s obvious that she believes all other parents should do the same, mostly because it’s causing problems for her at home. If LM gives in, then she won’t have to hear about it and have to solve a problem, which she clearly doesn’t know how to do, and so it’s going in a big circle.
Let’s just hope the circle chokes her at some point.
February 10th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Gag. Seriously. A couple of things stand out to me immediately.
First, what the heck is “upsetment”? Is that a new word? And could she possibly use spell check? Is this some sort of innate trait that comes right along with a BPD? Because it seems to be very common in the psycho ex-wife circle out there in the blogosphere. I know our ED uses terrible spelling and grammar ALL the time.
Second, and more important than my initial nit-pickiness, is the “I’m trying to so hard to be the good guy, but I’m stabbing you in the back RIGHT NOW” thing. We have received many similar e-mails and have had similar issues with ED over things she feels are appropriate (I’m certain in a survey of 1,000,000 people, she would be the only one) that we do not… like watching American Pie, for example, when you’re 10, 8, and 6.
And her statement “I don’t want them to be upset with you over this, but they keep telling me that they feel it’s unfair and that their upset with you over it.” — she absolutely wants them to be upset with you. I’m sure she told them, “I’ve e-mailed Dad to try to straighten it out with him,” and when you don’t fall at her feet in submission to her obviously superior judgment, she’ll tell your kiddos that she tried, but Dad’s just unreasonable. She might even show them the e-mail. Who knows?
Sick. It’s just sick.
I hope, for the kids’ sake, that she displays some more of her true colors in particularly colorful fashion… in front of a judge.
February 10th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Believe me, this is not just a problem with her, there are plenty of parents out there who behave exactly the same, divorced or not.
This is common behavior with a lot of the kids and parents I interact with at school. You should hear them on the phone with their parents, making demands and telling them what is going to happen. And the parent always does it! [Some] parents are so scared of their children being upset with them even for a fraction of a second that they cater to their every request.
They are more concerned with their child’s immediate happiness than with what would be good for them in the long run.
Keep up what you are doing, it does make an impact on them. I can tell the kids that have some amount of structure in their lives, it does make a difference and they will look back later and understand the choices you made.
How about letting your four-year-old watch all three Jurassic Parks? Yeah. It happens.
February 10th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Clevergirl,
Tis true - the “instant gratification” mindset in today’s society has been a long-time in development. Too many parents today don’t understand the long-term impact of such short-term thinking.
If you go back to the emails about Christmas this year - you can see how she typically handles things when the children don’t get everything to which they believe they’re entitled - she goes out and gets it for them, even when she admittedly can’t afford it!
This is what the child support goes towards instead of their needs - like haircuts, clothes, activities. It’s toys, electronic gadgetry, videogames… nothing to foster good interpersonal relationship skills. It does nothing to instill how to work hard for the things you want and to prioritize on the things you need.
It’s just more of the “me me my my mine now” mindset that pervades too many families today.
And no, I’m far from the perfect parent.
~LM
February 13th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Mister M,
I feel your pain, I do. I won’t let my 6 year old stepson watch the last star wars movie (Episode 3) I don’t care that he’s already seen it and I don’t care that he knows what happens. I don’t care that his genius mother took him to see it in the theater when it came out at the age of four! It’s PG 13, and he is 6. I told him we would discuss it when he was older, perhaps ten or so then MAYBE. I realize that many parents think that it isn’t a big deal but I feel like it is important for kids to hold onto their innocense as long as they can. That movie ends with Anakin being burned to (near) death after having all his appendages lightsabered off quite graphically over a river of molten lava. I just don’t think it’s ok. If that makes me a bad parent, fine. Hate me, I don’t care. Surely there is something else we can all do that would be equally as fun.
Sorry…. What I am saying is Awesome job there Dad! You stick to your guns. You can’t control what Ex does but you don’t have to agree with it and you don’t have to do it too. Those kids need a strong parent and I’m really glad they have on in you.
February 17th, 2008 at 7:44 am
I see no redeeming value in WWE, I don’t know which is worse that children are exposed to it or that adults aren’t smart enough to avoid it. It’s no longer a sport, its a perverted drama.
Why not a real sport, high school wrestling, martial arts, football, hockey that could all provide the excitement rush within some type of boundaries and rules?
February 17th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
JQ - what the hell are you talking about? No redeeming value? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT THE ACTION FIGURES ARE FLYING OFF OF THE SHELVES!?!?!
lmao
May 30th, 2008 at 5:07 am
I would like to present, for your consideration, my step-daughter’s 10th birthday party. Her mother, our own version of PEW, let her have a sleep over - and then rented R-rated horror movies to show a group of 4th grade girls. Is the inability to distinguish what is appropriate viewing content also a result of BPD?
Although SD has seen all sorts of violent and sexual content at her mother’s, we do not allow it over here. She might get bored with Dinsey channel and Nickelodean, but oh well.
June 8th, 2008 at 6:41 am
Wow. I can really learn a ton from you two. I had a similar experience only slightly different. The ED told us that youngest stepdaughter has nightmares every night. So of course we were worried and did everything possible to stop this. Not one night has she had a nightmare at our home. And when asked about her nightmares she says this: ” I only get nightmares when I watch scary movies.” Keep in mind she is 6. So we ask what kind of scary movies because as a 6 year old some “kids” movies could be a little scary. She starts naming movies. The texas Chainsaw massacre, the one where the girls head spins around because of the devil(now I am assuming its the Exorcist). I am continuing to read your past posts and hope to learn a lot more. We are puting the minimal contact approach into play and so far so good.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Just got one like that myself…
I know that things have been hectic, with your work and it nearing the holidays, but we need to talk about some issues.
I understand (based on what Brendon has said, and what D1 has requested) that Spongbob is being viewed by them? That had not been an issue before August, as that had been viewed as being inapprpriate for their age group. I would like to keep with our previous educational programming, when they are watching such things. Go, Diego, Go!, Dora, Little Bear, Franklin, Max and Ruby, Micky Mouse Clubhouse, Little Einsteins and such were and still are much more informative when they are watching. The Leapfrog video’s are also wonderful, and we know the kids love them. I would appreciate it if we could make the decisions together, as we previously had done.
Even with what we, as parents, are doing…the children need us to continue to have the same guidelines as before and the same consequences. Do you agree? So, what can we, as parents, do about it?
Thank you,
Satan’sdirtysmut
My fantasy reply…
As stated before, if you have concerns, relay them through my lawyer. Especially after today’s interrogation of me by you on the phone, the asking S1 if you can talk to me again, then hanging up, the taking “Your” kids socks off in the van when it’s 19 degrees out so I do not manage to steal them, and other foolish behavior, I am not interested in discussing anything with you. As will be relayed to your lawyer by mine: If you wish joint custody, you need to start providing for basic needs. That includes but is not limited to:
1) Diaper Wipes
2) Diapers
3) A place to stay
4) A job to fund these items
5) Etc
I have already invited your mother over to come pick up some more toys so there are more available at her home.
After your recent activities, I am not interested in supporting you anymore. You cheated on me at least once, probably twice. You asked for a vacation to Blank, US and I said yes without knowing it was so you could go screw some guy you met on the internet. You squandered 2 months that you had to search for jobs before I lost my patience with you making masturbation videos and trying to set up your own little nasty porn thing, you even sold panties you masturbated in. Most of this while the children were upstairs, and the porn chats and phone conversations while they were in the room. You had 2 months that you did this while I bit my tongue and tried to be patient, hoping you’d actually try, and you made minimal effort. You knew we were having financial problems. You started hoarding everything from important docs, to electronics in your van. You stole my mail and hid it from me. You tried to destroy important possessions and attacked me when I tried to stop you. Remember the ride in the police car and the night in the jail? Bet you made new friends there. You call my work trying to stir up as much trouble as you can.
I am not at all interested in talking to you about anything except you getting out of my life as much as possible. The kids seeing SpongeBob 2 times in the last month is the very least of my concern. Go get some mental help and show improvement and then I may be willing to consider talking to you again.
Is this clear enough for you?
Still going, nothing can stop the PEW…. they keep going and going and going….
February 4th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
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