The Psycho Ex Wife

Have your own psycho ex? Get a FREE Report on "Why Co-Parenting Doesn't Work", or learn how to win child custody with a custody coach.

It will be the only time they ever do. ‘Twas June 30th, 2005.

The call was one of many early on which would degrade into one of the regular useless discussions we had. Obviously, this is way before we learned about low-contact methods. This was the first summer that DW and I were living together and the earliest part of our re-ignited custody battle. This argument centered around her changing her (alleged) plans at the 11th-hour that was going to upset a portion of our scheduled vacation. It was a vacation that had been planned more than 3-months earlier and for which we had agreement on when it would start and the exchange particulars.

Somewhere along the line she asked to speak with DW. I was initially against it and gave both of them several opportunities to say no. Neither did and, against my better judgement, I reluctantly handed over the phone to DW.

From here, the rest of the story will be DW’s to tell.

~LM

—————

I wasn’t exactly thrilled with PEW, as you can imagine, but frankly we needed to get it over with and the conversation began as “I just want to get things settled so we can start getting along.” Okay - great! Haha, pulled me right in, didn’t she?

So things start off with PEW saying she wants to settle the summer schedule so she never has to talk to LM again, I reply, “Well then sign the boys over for the summer like you know you should and then it’s all done.” She agrees and I tell her to have her attorney draw up the paperwork. The reason I said this is that she had a very long history of agreeing, then LM would pay to have the paperwork done, and of course she never would sign it. The prior day PEW had told us she had a new attorney (that would kick our ass of course *rolleyes*).

So, she surprises me when she says, “oh I don’t have an attorney.” I call her on the lie and she spins a story about not being able to afford to pay her, blah blah blah, and what does she do then? She ASKS ME to pay for her attorney. Yes, a woman whose ex-husband I am dating, asks me to pay for her attorney to keep his children away from him. Hello? Can you say psycho? I calmly decline and she begins the downward spiral starting with, “Well, LM is just using you for your money, and you only have money because your parents put you through school.”

Here’s another thing about BPD’s - they try to go for what they perceive to be your weak points, but PEW really didn’t know me. She literally had only seen me for 2 minutes at a time and done some research (stalking) about me online. She falsely assumed a lot of things which just made me laugh. My parents are dirt poor and I worked my way through my degree, but even if my parents had paid for it, I find it funny that she would think that was an insult to me.

From here on out PEW basically tries to throw anything and everything at me hoping something will stick. “Well I just want you to know that I am here for you when LM starts abusing you, because no one was there for me.” First of all, she would have called her Daddy about .025 seconds after something happened if LM had actually abused her, so I didn’t believe that line at all. Then she tries to go after my ex-husband saying she wants to talk to him to let him know “what kind of man [I'm] living with.” Anytime she was met with facts like, “well PEW, we’ve been dating for 11-months now and he has yet to hit me or yell at me, when is this supposed to start?” - she would begin calling me names and telling me that I’m “just like him.”

After a little while we get on the subject of how she introduced the kids to her (short-lived) boyfriend after only 3-weeks, this after arguing that the kids shouldn’t meet me as we had only been dating for 6- or 7-months at the time. She had just lied to the custody evaluator telling her they had been together for 6-months and I called her on it. So what does she do? She asks me if I would like to talk to him because HE IS SITTING RIGHT THERE. Okay, this woman has been talking to her ex-husband’s girlfriend for an hour with her boyfriend sitting there by himself? It’s no wonder he dumped her ass shortly after the call. Anyway, he gets on the phone and I ask when they started dating. He verifies the exact timeline we had told the evaluator. So, PEW gets back on the phone and I call her on it. She starts backpeddling saying they “were dating but not telling anyone.” I asked her if he was aware that they had been dating, she immediately began calling me names again. The more I laughed, the more undone she became.

So then she starts calling me on my education and company background. She apparently believes that she has “earned a psych degree because she worked with kids for 5-years!” (I explained to her that she works with kids because they are the only people who look up to her because they don’t know better. This is supported by the types of problems she had when working with adults in a professional setting.) She went on saying that she has, and I quote, “lived psychology.” I simply replied, “being mentally disturbed, and having 3 family members with bipolar disorder, doesn’t in fact mean you have a psych degree.”

I continually tried to steer the conversation back to the issues we were supposed to be discussing, such as the story she kept telling family members about how LM took the van and left her with the (allegedly) “shitty car.” The reality? She had, in fact, chosen that car in the divorce settlement because it meant she got more money. I asked why she had wanted the marital home sold and the boys kicked out of the only home they had known, etc. She had no answers and would simply start calling me names like a 6-year old.

Since I wasn’t believing her story, she agreed to do several things to prove it all to me. She was going to print all the e-mails she had from LM showing the abuse. They never materialized. Not a single one. She said if the evaluation came down indicating LM as the “better parent” she wouldn’t go to court. Ha, she not only went that time, but again and again, and again. I made a $100 bet that no matter what the evaluation said she would say the counselor was snowed over by LM and that he needed psychological help - she lost, she never paid me. (Yes, CE #2 actually indicated that LM was the better equipped parent, but apparently not enough to give him primary custody. Her recommendation did increase his time, though.) PEW literally used that exact wording - “LM snowed her.” Interestingly enough, I can remember the first thing that custody evaluator #2 said when LM and I went in for our joint session with her. “Well, what are we going to do about PEW?” I kid you not. What do you say to that?

One interesting thing PEW did admit in the conversation was that her parenting skills are poor. Yeah, I was as surprised as you are. I said, “Yes, the children are better behaved when they are not with you.” What did she do? She turned that statement around the next day to everyone in her family and the police claiming that I said “the children were better off without you” and that she was threatened. This incident led to our first threatening phone calls from her family, police calls and visits, which we’ll include at some point.

Believe it or not, I was nice throughout the conversation, never called her a name, never really put her down, until towards the end of the call. She ended up getting so frustrated that she kept repeating over and over that I was “nothing.” I just told her if that makes her feel better to think so, whatever, I know the truth. So she tries to go for one more attack, her favorite: “So, can LM get it up?” Remember, her boyfriend is right there next to her! My response was calm and cool, “Actually yes, on demand, but that’s probably because I take care of myself unlike you,” *CLICK* She hung up just as I was about to add, “you fat pig.” I just had to after listening to her ramblings for an hour and a half. I added a few more sentences that were vulgar just to see LM’s reaction as he didn’t know she had hung up. His mortified facial reaction was priceless - that was the highlight of the call.