Stalker Stuff (Cyber-Stalking)
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Every once in a while, something happens that makes me cranky for longer than a few minutes. The last few days would include one of those instances.
During a short exchange regarding getting the children this week (right of first refusal issue) - PEW did what I’ve described previously as either letting me know she knows something she shouldn’t (always nothing major, just enough to let me know she’s stalking) or tips me off about something she has planned, which is always helpful to me with preparation.
The latter - I’ve already discussed. She’s planning on taking a run at more child support when the year since the last order is up - October. It’s kind of a big deal in that even though the risk of an increase is small, the amount I know it could increase will end up being a substantial burden (a few hundred bucks). However, it could go my way, which would result in a reduction of a few hundred bucks. At least I have the time to prepare and get my paperwork in order. She’s probably suffering from significant withdrawal symptoms given that we haven’t seen the inside of the court room or conference room since November of 2007.
The other thing was a bit more of a shock to the system. In terms of the big picture, it doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. However, the reality that there was only one way she could have come about the information is alarming (and a Federal crime, if only there was some way to prove it).
She made a less-than-nice reference to the place we rent where I work including some specific detail about the exterior. Now, below the surface, it might indicate that she came onto the property. However, I’m not convinced that happened. She could have simply come into the knowledge given a description of the residence by the boys. In order to have seen the place for herself, she would have to drive up a 1/4-mile long driveway and past the main house (landlord’s estate) in order to see it for herself. That would take a lot of guts and risk. (Of course, the owners are aware of no gory details, so I imagine she would only have to say she made a wrong turn if confronted anyway.) DW believes nothing would stop her from crossing such lines. I suppose I do, too, after all, she went head-to-head with Judge Contempt with no qualms at all and engaged in heated debates with her. I can be strong-minded, but that’s a line I wouldn’t dare cross.
I’m considering taking a picture of her car, it’s license-plate and giving it to the property owner and telling them, If this car enters your property, call the police and have her arrested for trespassing. I’m on the fence about whether or not to do that. Our landlords are great and I don’t want to cause them any undo worry or, in a worst-case scenario, give them a reason to find new tenants.
The bigger deal was…
She wrote a sentence in an email that included a few words regarding a disagreement DW and I had over a minor issue earlier this year. While it was factually inaccurate, I think it was deliberately so. The point is, the knowledge surrounding the general issue was enough to send the message ‘I know something… I saw something… and I’m letting you know I saw it in a place where your security was violated.’ As the matter was discussed only between DW and I verbally and a few emails, there is only one way she could have come about the information. DW and I discussed it with no one outside of ourselves. No one. It means the only way she could have known was by being in an email account I have in which the discussion took place.
So, I immediately logged-in and looked around. I didn’t think I had saved anything and I’m usually very diligent about purging my emails. When I go into the sent folder, I see that the email doesn’t automatically purge sent items like some do. Going way back, I found ONE email that contained just enough detail for her to let me know she “had something” on me.
This disturbed me to my core. Not in that I thought she was beyond that, quite the contrary. I’m at fault for leaving a password on it that, while obscure, dated back to something that she could have guessed, even on a lark. I thought about “forgot password” options where you need to answer a few questions that anyone who knows you could probably answer quite readily. In this case, it resets the password, which means I wouldn’t have been able to login. We wracked our brains. It’s the ONLY way.
So, I’ve changed all of my passwords. In my reply, I tried a very roundabout way to try and coax an admission out of her so that I actually had a shot at taking some action. It didn’t take and I let it go because I didn’t want to prolong a discussion about something that was none of her business nor had any bearing on any issue that has existed or may arise between us.
I’m pissed that there is nothing I can do about it and that put me in a cranky place for longer than most things I usually just find a way to disregard or otherwise just laugh-off as more of her mindless, delusional ranting. That’s two felonies she’s committed and I either can’t prove it or simply don’t have the funds and wherewithal to pursue.
It would appear that no matter how hard I wish and pray she would just stop - she isn’t going to. Very frustrating.
LESSON: USE STRONG PASSWORDS. CAPS, LOWERCASE, LETTERS, AND NUMBERS, FOLKS!
Chances are, your ex-spouse or ex significant other knows what hospital you were born in, your mother’s maiden name, your first pet, the first time you shaved your ass, any school you’ve ever gone to, your grandparent’s first and last names, the first time you masturbated, your first car, your first job, etc. I wish that email systems would just allow you to do a password reset based on you answering your own custom questions. Dumbasses.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:48 am
LM - don’t beat yourself up too much. I posted a comment recently saying that my husband’s PEW had hacked into his e-mail account and had been reading his e-mails for at LEAST six months before we figured it out. It’s extremly disturbing to realize that anyone has invaded your privacy like that - even more so when they try to use it to hurt you.
My husband finally figured it out when some the e-mail traffic between he and his PEW was deleted. In them she had been arguing with him about physical punishments her fiance was inflicting on the children. There were some other things going on as well (visitation denial, etc.) and he had decided to go to court. I had forwarded him some information that my father sent me, and within minutes the e-mails he had been saving from her were all deleted.
He confronted her on it, and told her that the e-mail provider gave us a list of the IP adresses that had logged into the account, so we knew it was her (a bluff), and that he was going to press charges if she didn’t return all of those e-mails. Within a few minutes she forwarded almost all of them.
We learned two lessons - the password one that you just learned, and that if there is anything that you might need to use in the future - save it to a folder on your desk top. Oh, and if your PEW or her friends know anything about computers - never download anything that she sends you. There are keystroke programs that you can imbed in a file, and ant-virus won’t pick it up.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I warned you didn’t I????
Yup, psycho and desperate do NOT go together.
Sister/wifie and PB have also committed quite a few felonies and just like you–I don’t have enough proof to get them.
Another tip–where do you get your mail? Do you have a PO Box? Sister/wifie came into the small PO where I had a box one day and obtained my financial documents and other personal things before a court case. The post mistress felt that because she was with my kids, she was ok.
Imagine my surprise when I found out that my “sister” had been in a few days before me to pick up my mail. I have 2 sisters, but I knew neither of them would have done it. I asked what dear sister looked like, and it was HER. She was clever enough to take my children along to give the impression that all was well.
Would I alert the property manager now? NO, that can backfire too. Mr. M, when people find out you have a psycho ex, many just don’t want to deal with it. I found this out when I tried to move after PB was slashing my tires etc. People are looking to protect their investment…the idea that you have a “stalker” on you…well…I’d just keep it to yourself. In my experience, that’s a tip for many to find new tenants. Legal no, does it happen?Yes.
I have my accounts password protected, and I’ve done other things to protect them. I change email passwords frequently–we use non-sensical military combinations, and I have a notebook where I keep them, which is carefully guarded.
Is that the Mission Impossible music I hear playing??
I’m trying to bring some levity to a very serious, scary thing. When ex did this stuff to me, I felt so violated. When sister/wifie did it, oh, how violating and replusive.
He still tries to stir the pot every so often….especially when he’d come down here to visit. I’m glad he hasn’t been here in a while.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Luckily my DHs PEW isn’t smart enough to figure anything like that out. She’s smart enough to manipulate DHs whole family into thinking she’s a good person, but not enough to figure out a computer. I think I’d rather her figure out the computer (we don’t do much on it) and stay out of our lives.
By the way, LM and DW, it’s sad to say, but I feel so much better knowing that someone else is going through the same types of things DH and I are going through. You know you’ve found a good one when she sticks with you through all of this drama!
August 19th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
One of these days I will stop being dumbfounded by the incredibly low levels to which people stoop.
August 19th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Or… how about this one?
A man with a PEW, three years out from the divorce, joint custody, 50/50 parenting time; she threatens to take him back to court continuously. So he journals all of her crazy stunts. He downloads all of her psycho voice mails into wave files. He stores her vicious e-mails. He stores it all on a removable disk drive.
One day, PEW has given him a new incident to record. So he reaches for the drive… cannot find it. Looks everywhere. Gone.
Enlists the kids to help him find the drive. For two hours, they all look everywhere. Finally, the Dad makes a comment about how he is going to be pretty angry if he finds out that one of the kids knew where the drive was and wasn’t telling him.
That’s when the 10-year-old daughter confesses: “Mom told me she wanted to give the drive to her attorney. She said that if I would sneak it to her and not tell you about it, then she would buy me a new Mo-ped.”
Stalking… ouch. Trespassing… ouch. Violated… oh heck yeah.
But that doesn’t hold a candle to having your own children bribed into stealing from you so that you can be vulnerable to assault from the PEW and the legal system one more time.
I mean, that’s just so wrong on so many levels, that it still takes my breath away.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:57 am
I’m with Kiki on this one. The sad thing is that because she’s a she, there really is no recourse for you. A call to the police would probably have them laughing.
If she were a he (you, for example), however… jailtime would be on the immediate horizon, just on your suggestion that she (he) possibly, might have, maybe, could have, seven years ago when the moon was full… stalked you for any reason whatsoever.
Stupid court system.
Great reminder to the rest of us dealing with crazy every day to check our passwords, though.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
In regard to the security questions, I came up with unique answers to those questions that I had to memorize because I’m afraid to use the real answers because of this same problem I experienced once. The feeling is awful.
August 21st, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Your PEW has a long-lost sister in Florida…I assure you any usernames you use have been searched online inside and out as well. So change that username for the Axe Murderers Society before she finds it, eh?
I’m not surprised at the depths their behavior will sink. It’s like they’re completely hollow inside and need to fill themselves with tidbits from other people’s lives, drama, and bullshit.
August 24th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
\Just this past year while dealing with a stalking issue of my own, which you know all about…we went into our emails and changed all of the answers and questions to the “forgot password” section of our emails. An online friend brought it to my attention that email was sooo easily accesible.
I hate the feeling of violation. It rocks me to the core that there are people out there that think this way and come up with ways to violate privacy. It is un-nerving. But that being said…don’t worry too much. One day it will all come back to bite her in the butt. Nasty woman..that sucks.
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
harleydakotadog aol stalker/preadtor he is adult so ppl please be careful if you or your kids are online do not let kids talk to him.