The Psycho Ex Wife

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The other morning during breakfast and while preparing for my shower, I had another in a long line of regular experiences that was a disagreement between S1 and S2.  The subject of the disagreement was, as it often is, just plain silly.  However, it descended into the usual sibling joust of yes-it-was, no-it-wasn’t, yes-it-was, no-it-wasn’t, YIW, NIW, YIW, NIW… round and round we go and where we’ll stop, nobody knows!

I usually greet this with a firm, “You two will stop that now, please!” Since I already had two cups of coffee by this point, something different happened.  I got silly and still shared an important message… OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO ANNOYING!!! I began to sing a Christmas Carol, randomly replacing the regular lyrics with their discussion.  I did so at an elevated volume and in my best faux-opera voice.  You’ll all be singing this, too, in no time at all.  However, I would strongly recommend that you not do this, as I did, while they are in the middle of eating a hot bowl of oatmeal.  Sung to The Twelve Days of Christmas… and I’ve gone right to the twelfth day for two reasons:

1. That’s what I did when it happened.
2. It’ll save me a lot of typing.

On these days be-fore Christ-mas, my two boys argu-ing…

12 Yuh-huh-huh-huhs

11 Nuh-uh-uh-uhs

10 Yuh-huh-huh-huhs

9 Nuh-uh-uh-uhs

8 Yuh-huh-huh-huhs

7 Nuh-uh-uh-uhs

6 Yuh-huh-huh-huhs

5 Nuh… uh… uuuuuuuuuuuuhs!!!

4 Yuh-huh-huh-huhs

3 Nuh-uh-uh-uhs

2 Yuh-huh-huh-huhs

And now their father is completely in-saaaaaaaaaaaaaane!

Well, I only got to about “10″ before S2 was laughing so hard he lost some oatmeal onto the table, but I did the entire thing without stopping, and did so repeatedly.  They both began laughing so hard I was afraid that they may not be able to inhale.  Of course, then I started laughing.  Now, I’d like to think that you’re all sitting there finding this incredibly humorous.  Visualize it.  I’m in pajamas, walking around the kitchen, singing this loudly… and I don’t stop… replacing the lyrics over and over and over again at random with things like…

12 No it isn’ts

11 Yes it is’s

10 No it isn’ts…

and…

9 Do not touch mes

8 I’m not touching

7 Do not touch mes

6 Yes you ares

5 NO I’M NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS!!!

The uproarious laughter continued as did I, at least when I could control my own laughter to get back into twisted, contorted face opera-man to barrel on.

4 That thing is my-ins (mine)

3 No, it is my-ins

2 Yes, it is my-ins

And now their father is completely in-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!

Eventually, even though they were still laughing at me, they began to plead for me to stop… repeatedly… and for a short while I wouldn’t, standing there all pajama’d up (red pants with sleds on them), hair straight up in the air like the Heat-Miser, belting out my dulcet opera tones.  Finally…

S2: DAD!  PLEASE STOP!!!

Dad: S2, have I become annoying?

S2: MY GOD, YESSSS!

Dad (with a smile to the both of them) - Good, now you know what you both sound like when you start doing that only it isn’t as funny.  Knock it off, please.

With that, I turned on my heels and went to get a shower.  As I showered, all I could hear was their duet: 12 Yuh-huh-huh-huhs, 11 Nuh-uh-uh-uhs, 10 Yuh-huh-huhs… followed by their crazy laughter which had me grinning from ear to ear all morning long.  They stopped bickering.