The Psycho Police Blotter
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From the ‘hindsight is 20/20′ file, while preparing for the upcoming hearing (re-scheduled to June 24th), we decided it was time to do some research to nail-down when Psycho-SIL really became a resident of PEW’s household. The bottom line is this, it’s been on-again and rarely off-again since she bought the home in 2005.
Well, a simple search led from one thing to another and it would seem that there is plenty to add to the “PP - Her Story” thread from many moons ago. We started searching public records from PEW’s township/county and surrounding counties. Psycho-SIL has been diagnosed as suffering from Bi-Polar Disorder. If you read the back-story, her behaviors, suicide attempt, substance abuse, lack of effort on obtaining and maintaining treatment for her condition is quite concerting, particularly with the rather high level of interaction she has with the children. Early on in this custody process, I even petitioned the court to limit both her involvement as well as “EE” (PEW’s drunk father). I wanted them to be prohibited from having any unsupervised access to the boys. My efforts were to no avail.
Let’s review what we’ve uncovered since the split in 2004, shall we?
- June 2004 - Plead guilty to Public Drunkenness and Similar Misconduct.
- November 2005 - Found guilty at trial for Public Drunkenness and Similar Misconduct.
- June 2006 - Plead guilty to Public Drunkenness and Similar Misconduct.
- January 2007 - Traffic stop for an as-yet unspecified reason, plead guilty to Failure to Maintain Registration Card Signature. Dismissed for Failure to Maintain Financial Responsibility (Insurance). Plead guilty to Improperly Displayed Plate (unregistered vehicle).
- September 2008 - DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE!
The last one is a beauty. She was charged under the “highest” category for intoxication. She had a BAC of .16, twice the legal limit! She was arrested after being found driving on the sidewalk!
Now, I may have detailed a story here about a time (pre-divorce) where I found the iron rims on the right side of her car destroyed and when I confronted her about it, she denied remembering what happened. She denied drinking and driving, she just “couldn’t remember doing anything” that would have resulted in a pair of seriously bent RIMS on her car.
She’s a black-out drunk, it would seem. I was talking with one of my brothers and asked the simple question, “How fucked-up do you have to be and what do you have to be doing in order to be seen and stopped for public drunkenness?” We had no answers, but surmised that you must have to truly be blasted out of your gourd.
So, the path leading to my worst fears seem to be coming to fruition, much to my dismay. She’s far too close to the children and clearly continues to be out of control. Making matters worse, I can’t imagine what the hell is going through PEW’s mind by having her so close to the children.
Now, given her vast history with public arrests involving the abuse of alcohol, you might think that she wouldn’t be eligible for a “diversionary program” that would result in her record potentially being expunged. Of course, you would be mistaken, but boy am I glad we looked before that happened!
Her punishment:
- License suspension for 1-year.
- Take and pass Alcohol Highway Safety School.
- CRN Evaluation and Treatment (Court Reporting Network to assess your substance abuse issues).
- PPI Evaluation and Recommended IN-PATIENT TREATMENT.
- Community Service Program.
These events, and I am sure those remaining undiscovered, have me back in full alarm mode and I’m strongly considering moving in the direction of a restraining order to prohibit her contact with the children in any capacity, while hoping for a minimum of no unsupervised access. That means, no babysitting. No driving them anywhere. Nothing. This, I expect to do without warning.
Further, despite the assertion to the contrary in the conference room prior to the hearing, I don’t believe that Psycho-SIL has moved out of the house. I’ve had enough of the lies. I’ve had enough of the bullshit. I’ve had enough of the children living on the precipice of potential danger of not only living with one suspected mentally-ill parent, but having a diagnosed, untreated, bi-polar mentally ill Aunt.
I’m not sure you grasp how serious this is for me. I’m not sure I even know because I vacillate between a semi-sort of “I’m really quite concerned” calmly to a “tremendously stressful, heart-palpitating” fear. My two children spend 50% of their time, with not one seriously disordered parent, but two seriously disordered parent/parental figures. Neither of them is receiving treatment. At least one is a serious substance abuser and has been most of her adult life.
Despite these realities, I’m not sure it’s enough to convince a court to alter custody. I certainly can’t prove that PEW is BPD without a formal diagnosis. That’s not going to happen in a court room. So, all that she needs to do is give Psycho-SIL the boot (for the alleged third time) and that “threat” is mitigated. I’m not sure, as I sit here, what my approach is going to be. However, I think a restraining order is probably the way to go. If Psycho-SIL is moving out, then I need to have a document that I can wield like a weapon when she suddenly reappears at PEW’s home. Or, I hear she is driving the children anywhere (alone or with others). Or, I hear she is babysitting.
She is a threat to my children’s safety and I must take action. She always has been and I believe she always will be. Here’s a woman who can’t live on her own but PEW allows to “take care of” the kids. Frankly, PEW is a threat to my children’s safety because she allows her sister to spend any appreciable time with them, sometimes alone, knowing that she’s tried to kill herself. She has physically assaulted the children. She has made fun of them in horrible ways with name-calling.
It’s days like these where I despise not having the power and the backing to get something done QUICKLY about such matters. I’m angry at the moment.
—–
20/20 Hindsight observations:
- Psycho SIL’s car always seems to be at the house no matter what time of the day it is. ( I don’t stalk, I know this from dropping the kids off and from multiple subpoena service attempts.)
- PEW is often driving Psycho-SIL’s car and it never dawned on me to wonder why. Very often, Psycho-SIL is a passenger.
- The more she accuses me of “stuff” - the more she lets me know she’s engaged in it in one way, shape, or form. Whether it’s hidden income, substance abuse, lying, planning something underhanded… she’s a pretty easy read.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Mr. M,
I am sorry that you are going through this. I am sorry that the children are living in this situation.
One of the hardest things..is knowing when to take action. And the one haunting question that always surfaces is…
What if….
What if you did nothing and she crashed the car with your children inside.
What if she tried to kill herself in front of your children.
I know we are not supposed to live on the ‘what if’s’, but when it comes to your own child..what if you did nothing and what if something did happen. For me personally, when issues arise that you feel put the children at risk..the what if question always surfaces.
I know your heart will lead you in the right direction.
June 2nd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Yep, this is serious stuff. There can be a tendency to read danger or malice into every little action or behavior when you’re entrenched in a custody battle, but I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. Psycho-SIL must be prevented from driving with the kids — this was not a one-time .09 lapse in judgment — this is a pattern illustrating a serious problem and danger to the kids.
How do you search the local public records? I found a site that does free criminal searches. PEG had some traffic violation in Arizona a few years ago, and a warrant for “failure to appear” was later issued. But I am fairly certain she’s got other incidents on her record, because as a BPD/NPD, the rules do not apply to her and chances are she’s gotten into trouble, and I’d like to know some details.
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:01 pm
I have to admit from an MRA position the power PEW tries to weild sucks but as a sufferer of BPD 2 ( Bi Polar Disorder 2 ) seeing people who dont want help, who destroy themselves and others disgusts me … 2 pills a day is all it takes to help. M for this you should do whatever it takes, the law is there use it in any way you can for the saftey of your kids, they are all that should matter to her, its obvious that they are all that matters to you.
June 3rd, 2009 at 7:04 am
I read a website years ago about a dad who fought for and won custody of his children. He was very detailed about everything he did to help his case, including hiring a private investigator to prove his wife was doing drugs, taping and transcribing all phone conversations, and videotaping every drop off, etc. I know you are doing a fine job with this, and that sometimes the system is against you no matter what. I agree trying to get a restraining order is a great tactic, and maybe it’s just time you starting thinking outside the box and ramping up your actions. Hit ‘em hard, in other words.
And I will tell you this, from growing up with an alcoholic father, your SIL is going to drive even without the license (I’m sure you know this) and a person does NOT have to be psycho to allow someone in their life to be a drunk and interact with children. They somehow justify it, even if they are normal and responsible in every other aspect of their lives. But it’s WRONG and it’s incredibly dangerous. Do whatever you have to.
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:18 am
For what it’s worth, been there, done that. Am doing it. I grasp the seriousness. Right now, I am off to interviews with police, counselors etc because of the abuse my kids have endured. We are 4 MONTHS into these interviews and yet they say they still can’t do anything, although everyone is alarmed.
It’s HARD to have custody revoked. And we have some SERIOUS sh#t going down on this end–and we have PROOF of the stuff too. Still he has his rights.
Restraining order–probably NOT going to happen unless she’s made threats. Don’t waste your money–I think it’s over a hundred bucks to try for one anyway.
The driving–sis’s ex also drives all the time without a license. Can’t tell you how many times he’s been tagged for it. I think it’s a misdemeanor in that state, so he gets fined, pays the fine(or not) and goes on.
I know what it is like to turn your kids over to 2 seriously disordered folks. Luckily, we don’t do it 50% of the time.
Your best bet–and even that is a long shot–call the CPS people. Better yet, have DW call that way it can’t be construed as a vindictive ex making complaints just to get back at the ex. They’ve threatened to revoke my custody because I complained about issues. Things that are VERY wrong.
Good luck Mr. M.
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:25 am
Pursuing an RO costs nothing in my county. And VAMomma… still praying for you and the kids. Stay the course.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:04 pm
This post really struck a nerve for me, that feeling of knowing the kids are endangered but also knowing very few people, if any, are going to take it seriously until something dire happens. It’s not fair to the kids, and it is insanely permissive to the parent who cannot care for the kids or protect them like a real parent. I hope the restraining order and other actions are as effective as possible.
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I feel your… anger.
We recently found out that BMD (Bio-Mom’s Father) has been driving D around with a suspended license AND is in court for a DUI!
I am now getting his entire criminal history (it’s amazing how helpful the DA’s office is when you mention there is a child involved).
The sad thing is that BMD is the ONLY good person in that family. Obviously not good 100% of the time, but truly the only one who is not evil. He has allowed himself to be trapped in his life with TWO border-line women (his wife and his daughter) and has taken to drinking to cope.
Luckily D only visits that family 15-21 days each year, but we are scared to death each time she’s there, because it takes but ONE mistake…
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Cool. RO in B CTY costs $150…more if denied. I’d pursue it.
Check to see if there is a child advocacy center in your cty. They will help–sometimes have free lawyers. That’s another great option.
Good luck. If I find out more options to help on this end, I’ll share them with you.
June 3rd, 2009 at 7:41 pm
How is that job search coming along?
June 5th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I know this has to be tough for you. I also know that you’re an underdog as far as getting what you want/is right.
good luck buddy. I hope it happens for the boys.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
[...] Get updates for FREE by Email or RSS, follow us on Twitter or get a FREE Report on “Why Co-Parenting Doesn’t Work”. Thanks for visiting!In the event anyone wanted to know, driving with a suspended license is not a crime unless you’re pulled over for another traffic violation. I recently spoke of Psycho-SIL’s brushes with the law back in Psycho Police Blotter. [...]
August 14th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
[...] We’ll start Monday, August 17th. For some background, re-visit The Psycho Police Blotter. [...]