The Psycho Ex Wife

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This call will be little different from the last one shared in part 1, which demonstrated the subtleties of the malicious mother engaging in parental alienation and how it’s done over the phone.  Here in part 2, I’m going to go ahead and put out the front-end of the discussion as another in a great many examples of why we so strongly suggest low-contact.

In this particular case, I had to cut our vacation short due to an emergency situation at work that I needed to cover.  So, the boys and I came home mid-week while DW, SD1, SS1 and some other family stayed behind for the week.  I had informed her of this the day before another in a long line of phone-call barrages by the PEW, but that didn’t deter her.  Me?  As usual, I got sucked right into the childish back-and-forth with her demanding that the phone call flood never take place again, particularly while I’m at work. It’s July 13th, 2005:

PEW: Hello?
LM: Hey.
PEW: Hey, what’s up?
LM: Well, the first thing I’m gonna tell you is that, as always, I’m recording everything.
PEW: Okay, that’s good.
LM: And, I want to start by asking you why you felt it was necessary to call me 6 times today, text message, email, when I told you, when I get them home from work, I will give you call.
PEW: I, because I, hadn’t spoken, the last time I had spoken to S1 he was very upset. And I just thought it was very strange that I get this message from you that your vacation was being cut short and you’re back [at home].

First delusion - S1 wasn’t very upset.  However, I will give her the benefit of the doubt because in reality, S1 did tell her that he cried for her every day, despite telling her that everything was great and fun during the same conversation.

LM: That necessitated you calling me 3 times in work, text messaging me in work, and everything, all of the rest of the antics today?
PEW: Yeah, well, you were supposed to be on vacation. So.
LM: That still doesn’t answer the question as to why you have to harass me and harangue me with excessive phone calls, text messages, and emails during the day?
PEW: I wasn’t harassing you, you weren’t, if you’re not answering the phone, that’s not harassment.

Only in a PEW’s mind is 6+ contacts while I’m at work, one after the other, not harassment.

LM: It is harassment because I told you I will have the boys give you a call when I get home from work. Was there anything unclear about that message?
PEW: Well, that’s unacceptable, especially in the, um, with the situation being what it is.
LM: It has to be acceptable because you are not to be bothering me in work with incessant phone calls, especially when I give you an answer that it’s in accordance with the current agreement.
PEW: No it isn’t.
LM: It doesn’t say that they are going to be available anytime you wish to call and that you can harass me during my work day and that you can text message me and call me three times and call the house and email me and do all that stuff.
PEW: Well, I’m supposed to have reasonable access.

More psycho-ex logic.  “Reasonable access” = anytime she wants to call, I MUST be available for her.  When the queen calls, you drop everything and answer!

LM: Reasonable access is me saying when I get home from work, I will have the boys give you a call.
PEW: No, that’s not reasonable at all.
LM: It is reasonable and it will continue to be reasonable. And If you continue to harass me, particularly during the work day…
PEW: Nobody was harassing you.
LM: You called me six times today when I had already told you twice I will have the boys give you a call when you get home from work.
PEW: No.
LM: Do not do that again.
PEW: Well…
LM: You will get, the boys will call you when I get home from work each day, or shortly after dinner.
PEW: When are they coming home? When are they coming home? Hello?
LM: Yes?
PEW: When are the boys coming home?
LM: They can come home Sunday if you want.
PEW: They are coming home Sunday.
LM: Okay.
PEW: I would like them to come home sooner since you’re not on vacation.
LM: Since when does vacation mean I have to be away from home?

More psycho-ex logic.  “Vacation” = you have to be somewhere other than your home, otherwise, you’re not on vacation and the children MUST be returned to her on-demand.

PEW: I just find it very odd the whole situation.
LM: What you find and what we have agreed to to this point are two different things. You find a lot of things odd.
PEW: I think the court’s gonna find it odd.
LM: The court’s not gonna find it odd.
PEW: They are gonna.
LM: No, they’re not.
PEW: Yeah.
LM: That I had to come back to work because a situation developed that my boss is gonna be out of town next week?
PEW: Well, I hope your boss is, umm, gonna back you up on that.
LM: Yeah?
PEW: Mmmhmm.
LM: Great.
PEW: And if I call the kids and you don’t call me after I call 10 consecutive times because I’m worried, then that’s your problem.
LM: I told you you have no reason to be worried. You’ve had no reason to be worried in the past. And I told you that you would get a phone call when I get home from work. And from here on out, that will be acceptable. You are not to pester me in work because you have this paranoid idea that there is something wrong.
PEW: It’ll be, it’ll be up to the judge whether that’s acceptable or not. It’s not up to you.
LM: Until then, you are not to badger me with phone calls. Go back and read the agreement. Okay?
PEW: Well, umm, don’t hurt the kids and then have them talk to me and then have them talk to me and then have me get all upset.

More psycho-ex logic.  When you don’t get your way = make a false accusation that you’re hurting the children.  I still laugh at “…after I call you 10 consecutive times…” Psycho.

LM: I don’t hurt the kids and have them be all upset.
PEW: Yeah, yeah, when they talk to me, and then I won’t be worried.
LM: Well, you’re gonna need to get your paranoia under control. You’re not to pester me anymore like you did today.
PEW: I didn’t pester you today. Stop makin’ up stories.
LM: Yes, you did.

“Yes you did, no you didn’t, yes you did, no you didn’t, yes you did.”  Ridiculous.  This is not how two adults are supposed to act.  If you don’t stay on guard, learn and live low-contact, you can end up being just as ridiculous as they are, no matter how good your intentions may  be and no matter how “right” you are.

PEW: No, I didn’t. So, where are the kids? What wonderful things are they gonna tell me today? Hello?
LM: What?
PEW: I said where are they?
LM: They’re downstairs.
PEW: And?
LM: No more pestering.
PEW: Huh?
LM: No more phone calls during my work day.
PEW: I didn’t know where you were, LM, today, how was I supposed to know you were at work? You were supposed to be on vacation.
LM: I call you and give you the appropriate information. What your mind conjures up as a result I cannot control. Okay? From now on, you’re not to do to me what you did today.
PEW: I didn’t do anything to you today.
LM: Yes you did.
PEW: No I didn’t.
LM: Yes you did. Six phone calls, a text message and an email is unacceptable, particularly given the fact that I told you when I get home from work, I will have the boys give you a call.
PEW: Mmmhmm. Yeah, well, like I said, we’ll see what the judge says and then, when the judge tells me that…
LM: That’s fine, in the meantime, you are not to pester me like you did today anymore. Okay?
PEW: No, it’s not okay, we’ll see, like I said.
LM: Don’t be calling me six times. I will call you with the boys in the evenings, it’s the same courtesy I give you. I don’t call you at work and demand to talk to them right away.
PEW: I didn’t call you at work, I called you on your cellphone.

More psycho-ex logic.  Calling you on your cellphone during the workday is “not calling you at work, it’s calling you on your cellphone.”  AT WORK, you crazy fruitcake!

LM: You called my cellphone during the workday, it’s the same thing.
PEW: But you’re supposed to be on vacation.
LM: You know I’m at work.
PEW: No, I didn’t know you were at work. Stop trying to, stop trying to make stuff up.
LM: I didn’t tell you yesterday that I was coming home because I had to go to work. Is that what you’re telling me?
PEW: Did you? I don’t. No, no, you didn’t.
LM: I didn’t?
PEW: Put my kids on the phone, please.

Put “MY” kids on the phone.

LM: I’ll put YOUR kids on the phone. Stop lying. Stop creating distorted realities.
PEW: You know what I think happened? I think you and DW probably had an argument and you came back up here…
LM: You can create whatever, you can create whatever fantasy world you would like. I had to come back to go to work.
PEW: Well trust me. The truth will come out. Trust me. It will.
LM: Okay.
PEW: Okay, let me talk to the kids, I don’t want to talk to you, never did, never will again.
LM: Well good, well, the six phone calls today would indicate otherwise, so I suggest you stop. Thank you.
PEW: I don’t… I didn’t call for you.
LM: Who’s first?

Catch your breath?  I’m certain that this was about as irritating to you, the reader, as it is/was to me.  Sorry about that.

So, from there, it was onto the discussions with the children, with S2 going first…

S2: Me. Mama!
PEW: Hi, how you doin’ buddy? What are you doin’?
S2: Good.
PEW: Good. So you’re back from the shore, huh?
S2: Yeah.
PEW: Yeah, did you have fun?
S2: Yeah! (to Dad) Daddy, what did we do?
LM: (inaudible)
S2: I said to daddy… we went to see animals!
PEW: You did, where?
S2: I played games.
PEW: Yeah?
S2: I played Sorry.
PEW: You were playing Sorry?
S2: I got a Sorry card and I put Nanny Suzie back in.
PEW: Really?
S2: And I pooped on the potty.
PEW: Good boy. That’s good. I miss you. So, are you doing good?
S2: Daddy… Mom, can I say bye?
PEW: Yeah.
S2: Bye, I love you.
PEW: I love you, too, S2.

Pretty straightforward and uneventful.  S2, though, wasn’t the one she would typically work over on the phone.  That was usually relegated to S1.

S1: Umm, hi, Mom.
PEW: Hi, S1, how ya doin?
S1: Good.
PEW: Good? You sure?
S1: Yeah, I’m fine!
PEW: Okay. You sound like a little down in the dumps or something.
S1: No, I’m fine.

No hesitation whatsoever.  Right back into the negativity and, when S1 answers that he’s just fine, she presses him further because that’s simply not the answer she wants to hear.  This time, it’s not enough that she’s trying to elicit a response that indicates something other than he’s fine and happy, when he gives her the answer she doesn’t want, she persists in suggesting that he might not be.

PEW: Okay. Do you miss me?
S1: Yeah.
PEW: I miss you, too.
S1: You know, I just can’t wait until it’s ov… until I get to see you.
PEW: I know. Daddy said he’ll bring you home on Sunday, okay?
S1: Okay.

All about her.  And… just like the first conversation, she lies to S1 again, telling him that I said something that I most certainly didn’t say.  You see, she was required to come back down and pick them up.  I wasn’t going to bring the children all the way back to her, particularly given what she did on the front-end of my screwed up vacation period.  So now, she’s attempted to put S1 in the middle of another grown-up mess.  She’s planted the seed that I would bring them all the way back to her on Sunday and set me up as “the bad guy” when the kids would be told I was not taking them back on Sunday.  Given that we had a court date on the forthcoming Wednesday, I would give her the option - come down and get them or I would keep them and drop them off to her on Tuesday since I had to come up there for court anyway.  Oh, let me tell you - she didn’t like that at all.

PEW: That’s good, so what are you guys gonna do the rest of the week?
S1: Umm, I haven’t found out yet.
PEW: Oh, okay. Well, I hope you do something fun.
S1: Yeah, I’m gonna ask daddy.
PEW: Okay.
S1: (To Daddy) Dad? Daddy, is there a miniature golf course?
LM: (inaudible)
S1: Okay, can we go to it?
LM: (inaudible)
S1: Later on in the weekend my dad said we could go miniature golfing.
PEW: Oh, yeah?
S1: Uh-huh.
PEW: Ohhhhh, that would be fun. Good.
S1: Soooo…
PEW: Soooo…

This is the uncomfortable silence… the pregnant pause, if you will.  If she wasn’t asking about negative stuff - she really had nothing to talk about with the kids.  It was actually quite uncomfortable to listen to.

S1: Bye.
PEW: What? Did you say bye?
S1: Yes.
PEW: Okay, buddy. So, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?
S1: Okay?
PEW: I’ll call you around bedtime probably.
S1: All right, well, I love you.
PEW: I love you, too.
S1: Bye.
PEW: Be good. Bye.
S1: I’ll give you to dad.
PEW: What?
S1: I’ll give you to dad.
PEW: Oh. Okay.
S1: Bye
PEW: Bye.

I would take back the phone and we would have a short exchange that went entirely the same as the discussion that opened this post… with a few extra allegations that my not answering the phone on-demand was a violation of the court order and me “keeping the kids from her.”

In the next installment, she’ll ramp it up even more, buying the children things, telling them about it, and prompting them to ask me to come home early so that they can have their goodies.  Then she’ll lie her ass off to me about it when I confront her.