The Psycho Ex Wife

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Most bloggers use “Part 1″ or “Part I” so look at me! I’m shaking it up a bit! This’ll be “Part A.”

We’ve heard many a debate over when it is appropriate for your new significant other to meet your children from the prior relationship. I don’t think that there is any real hard-and-fast rule, I tend to think most people tend to believe “after about a year” - figuring that’s a really good time-frame in which to determine whether or not your relationship is “serious.” Obviously, this will vary depending upon the age of the children and, of course, the circumstances as they exist with your ex-spouse, psycho or otherwise.

DW and I had existed in a long-distance relationship, but still one where we saw each other often. Due to our respective custodial situations, it worked out that it was fairly easy to enjoy each other’s company when our arrangements left us without our children. It wasn’t long after we started seeing each other that we mulled over the prospect, discussed our respective positions on the topic and decided, when it happens, it happens, but we’re not going to force the issue and we will take whatever steps necessary to avoid it in the near-term.”

I remember meeting SD1 and SS1 sometime in December of 2004. It was one of those “unavoidable” situations where POE needed some coverage during his custodial time and I happened to be there. I remember sitting on the sofa when they were dropped off. I was reading the paper and made a point of not getting up and being in their faces with some formal introduction. They were youngsters at 5 and 6 and I wanted to remain as unobtrusive as possible. I simply said, “hi” as they came through the door and made a bee-line for their toys. I left it at that. I would follow their lead in terms of talking with them or otherwise interacting with them, without being stand-offish or overtly avoiding them. We just let it all play out on their cues and it worked out rather well. We let POE know of my presence in advance and he was okay with it. The alternative was me cutting my visit short and driving 3+ hours back home and that wouldn’t have been any fun, either. Personable little squirts that they are, it went perfectly well and there didn’t appear to be any discomfort on the part of anyone.

This is what happens when seemingly normal parents operate in the post-divorce situation. While unexpected and I’m sure that there had to be some reservations (that were never divulged to me), it would seem that POE was in one of two mindsets:

1 - It didn’t matter, he needed the children to be watched and he was desperate.

2 - He trusted DW and hoped that I was as good a guy as I’m sure she told him I was. Nothing to fear here.

A very uneventful meeting. To my knowledge there was no arguing, hemming, hawing, crazy emails between the two of them, etc. Dealing with The Psycho Ex-Wife on the other hand, would be a touch more bizarre.  That’s not to say I wasn’t a little anxious at how it would unfold.  I certainly was.  However, they just buzzed in the door, with great big smiles and said, “HI!”  Then, they went about their childhood business like I was just another piece of furniture.  Well, not exactly.  They were friendly and I sat here thinking about it for a moment, it’s hard to imagine how I had gone from swearing off women and relationships 9-months or so earlier, to sitting in DW’s living room and meeting the children for the first time.  SS1 may have even asked me to help with a thing or two during the day, but I don’t recall specifically what it was… shoe-tying or building some toy or something (just letting you know that they didn’t ignore me all day or anything like that).

Part B unfolds in a more surreal fashion…