Early Pressure from the Kids to Marry
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On a Fall evening back in 2005 came a memorable bedtime conversation that involved S1 and S2. At bedtime that evening, my sons brought up the subject of marriage with the DW, S2 informing me that S1 told him that DW said we wouldn’t be marrying any time soon.
Back then, S2 was totally in love with the DW in a way that only a 4-year old can be. On that particular night, he gave me his blessing to marry her because, as he put it…
“I love her, so you should marry her. So she could be my step-mom.”
I told him that we can’t get married until I ask her and even then, she would have to say yes. As the logic of a 4-year old would have it - comes the simple solution…
“Oh, well go downstairs and ask her then. Come back up and tell us what she says.”
Hmmm…
At this point, S1 comes into the room from a teethbrushing. He said that the SD1 told him that she talked to her mom and she said that “…you two weren’t getting married.” Then DW, rather defensively, denied having any such conversation with the SD1. Yeah. Anyway… S1, 7-years old at the time, was probably the one I’d have been most concerned about regarding the possibility of such a development. Still, he tells me it’s okay to get married to DW because, as he put it…
S1: She cut him off the hook you know.
Dad: Cut who off the hook?
S1: Her husband. She cut him off the hook you know, so, you know, you can marry her. Why don’t you go downstairs and ask her and come up and tell us what she says?
Dad: Your brother just said the same thing. Why are you guys pressuring me?
S1 & S2 both laugh and I do, too.
S1: Well, you know, you’re going to have to stock up and stuff.
Dad: Stock up? Stock up on what? Food? Drinks?
S1: No, silly, like a wedding ring and flowers and stuff.
Dad: Ohhh… good idea, S1. Smart thinking.
S1: Yeah. Then I can call her Mommy.
Dad: (shocked) Well, I’m not sure that’s the best idea, but we’ll worry about that when we decide we want to get married, okay?
S1: Sure. I’d be HAPPY if you two got married!
Dad: Thanks, S1. Time to get to sleep.
These kids were really something else back then, still particularly innocent, kept outside of the messiness for the most part, and a little more able to speak freely without fear of repercussions. Oh, and DW really wasn’t all that defensive, either. She simply said that she hasn’t had a conversation about marriage with either SS1 or SD1. Then, she started to shake and sweat… (Okay, not really.)
That was the first time but it most certainly wouldn’t be the last time that the kids would all express their love for us, recognize our love for each other, and “get on our cases” about getting married. Having them all together for the first extended period of time in months has brought back so many great memories with all of them and we all can’t wait to keep making more.
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:36 am
Reminds me of when DH talked to each of the boys and asked what they thought about him marrying me. The oldest and the youngest (12 &
both said that it would be fine. The middle one (11 and secure in the ‘favorite child’ position at his mom’s house) replied “I guess it would be ok as long as I don’t have to live here”. So time went on, and DH picked the day to ask me and was romantic about it and all (flowers in the fridge with a card and so on). He chose a day when the boys were here, and called them all in from the pool and found an excuse to get me to open the fridge. I was busy oooing and aahhing over the flowers and explaining to the boys that it is always nice to buy your lady flowers even when there is no reason at all. I missed the card and so he had to redirect me back to the fridge. I open the card and the boys see my reaction and the little one says let me read it, so I give it to him. He gets through it all and at the bottom it says C- will you marry me ; the little guy’s interpretation was “C- you will marry me!” I could not have asked for a better proposal. 
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:31 pm
we told the children we were going away to get married. my children we very excited, but DH’s kids hated the idea and me. they still don’t accept it after 3 years. PXW is still telling them that DH and I are getting a divorce and that they will one day be a family again, even though she is currently living with her boyfriend of the week.
June 24th, 2010 at 8:11 am
That is wonderful. My soon-to-be SD wasn’t told until a few months before the wedding (which is a week from today) because of some stuff going on with her mother at the time. But she’s very happy now.
And before she knew, she’d mentioned a few things that showed she’d be okay if it happened. She’ll be the flower girl and the ring bearer at our tiny wedding, and she couldn’t be more excited!
June 24th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
BF and I are in no rush to get married, but SD has suggested we have a ceremony where I wear a wedding dress and we “make promises and stuff” to each other. I asked if she’d be my maid of honor, and she said yes. That’s a stamp of approval, if you ask me.
July 3rd, 2010 at 8:51 am
My husband told his kids, who were 6 and 8 at the time, that he was planning to ask me to marry him. He wanted to make sure they knew about it ahead of time, and that they were ok with it.
I guess he forgot that 6yo little girls have a really hard time keeping secrets. The second SD2 had me alone she says “I know a secret!” Me, thinking it was some crazy story about her mom, said “Oh yeah, what’s that?” and she says “My Dad’s gonna ask you to marry him real soon! He even got you a diamond ring!!”