The Psycho Ex Wife

134 Responses to “Job Loss/Child Support Update 8/7/09 - Hearing Loss”

1. Kate Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:25 pm

   WOW! This sucks beyond belief! In our state, they calculated based on CURRENT income. If you are currently on unemployment, that is your income. They don’t care what happened prior to the filing date, just what the current order is, and what the formula spits out. I ran your numbers, and in my state, she would be paying you $270/mo.

2. slippits21 Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

   I am so so sorry!

3. dallasstepmom Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:30 pm

   Jesus, what a fucked up system.

4. Kou Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:30 pm

   Times like this make you wonder when, if ever, it will be worth it. Fighting to be a part of your kids’ lives, and for what? So PEW can reap the benefits of an unjust system by winning battles like this? BULLSHIT.

   It’s SO. FREAKING. UNFAIR.

   I am furious for you, Mister-M. So very sorry and so fucking pissed off.

5. blendedfam Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:40 pm

   I’m sorry this is tough on you. I’ve been on both sides of this. It appears that, using only your unemployment income, you are paying about 16% of your monthly income for two children. Really, it’s not that bad. And why are you concerned about the affect on DW? She knew what she signed up for, a dad with kids who live primarily with their mother = child support in 99% of the cases. Life sucks, it’s not fair. I totally get it. I don’t have a lot of sympathy if you lose the apartment; you chose to move to another state away from your kids. Call it Karma. Good luck finding another job!

6. Mister-M Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:48 pm

   Try getting your facts straight, genius… the children live with me 50% of the time. I make less money now and am still forced to pay child support.

   I’m sorry… my mistake… it isn’t child support… it’s “ex-wife entitlement.” Unneeded and unnecessary at that.

7. Mister-M Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:50 pm

   Kate, in my state, she would owe me $480/month.

8. Kate Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:55 pm

   Mister-M - I just ran rough numbers, so it could have been more that she would owe you here. I get sick to watch the money drain from DH’s pay so that PEW can sit on her butt all day and get her hair done. The only thing that helps me is counting the time until the oldest is 18. We have less than 5 years until 18 and graduated….

9. blendedfam Says:
   August 7th, 2009 at 1:57 pm

   From everything I’ve read, she still has “primary” residency. The time may be close to equal, but one parent is usually designated the primary residential parent.
   You may make less money RIGHT NOW, but the judge was right to take into consideration ALL the income for the year. No one says you’ll be unemployed forever.
   Since you don’t have a job in away-state anymore, move back by your kids and live in your apartment. Sell the other house you claim you can’t afford. Being near your children is the most important thing. You claimed you originally moved away for a job…well, that’s gone. Time to move back.

10. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    You have a lot of catching up to do, blendedfam. Go read more of the blog and when you actually understand the actual circumstances and logistics… you can come back here and spew your tripe but at least have your facts straight.

    Thanks in advance.

    I can’t spend all day correcting your errors for you. I have to find a job.

11. blendedfam Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    I’m sorry if I’m wrong. Do you live near your children again?

12. Kristie Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Wow. I’m so, so sorry. Good luck to you guys. You’ll figure out how to make it work and one day, when they’re old enough, all of your sacrifices will pay off when they fully understand and appreciate your efforts for their best interest.

13. DW Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    BlendedFam - He has a home in another state because he has a relationship there, with me, and 2 stepchildren, and has had them for 5 years. His children also have a relationship with me and my kids. I guess he should just sell the house out from under us, so we are left homeless, and leave our positive relationship and subject his kids to the end of their relationship with us as well? Makes perfect sense, destroy the lives of 6 people just so he can pay more money to a woman who doesn’t give a shit about her own children.

    And NO, I did not know I would end up having to be financially responsible for PEW’s household and children when we started dating. It’s ridiculous that I am put in the position to try to pay for 2 houses almost entirely by myself to ensure that LM maintains custody and doesn’t end up in jail. All while PEW eats out, has her hair and nails done, and whines about how she can’t afford the mortgage that she got when she was making $20k a year less, explain that one to me? She’s making $20k more not counting her hidden income, and yet can’t pay her bills so we should move into her house and pay them for her? This whole situation is a crock of shit, and I’m tired of it. And I’m especially tired of women coming here and saying that mothers deserve child support and alimony, and everything else while men are treated like shit, and the women that love them are treated even worse. MY KIDS are the ones that have gotten the short end of this shit for 5 fucking years, and now it’s going to be worse. I’m glad I worked my ass off for them to go on vacations this summer, since THEY hadn’t been on one in 4 fucking years, and likely won’t be on one again in the next decade.

14. DW Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Kristie, As much as I tell myself the same thing, day after day, I highly doubt it. The boys will have even less now, especially when they are with us, and of course it will be “dad’s fault” they can’t do this, and that, and they will turn towards Psycho Disney Mom even more. when given the choice, the boys will choose her because they are brainwashed, and as of yet, have never thought for themselves, they don’t know how, and never will.

15. Kate Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    blendedfam - PEW doesn’t have primary residence, it is 50/50. That means full joint physical and legal. Also, if the judge is going to average his income for the entire year to make a ruling, he should get a credit for what was paid from Jan 1 as well. They can’t just say his income for ALL 2009 = $x, so we will start the new amount now. Also, because Mister-M has 2 homes, doesn’t make him any less of a parent. My sister has 2 homes, one closer to her job and one closer to her activities. Should she be considered any less of a member of either community because she doesn’t have only 1 home?

16. Kate Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    DW - I know exactly how you feel. I too feel like my kids are the ones getting screwed because I am the one funding everything for our household while DH’s income goes to a PEW that refuses to get a job. My step-kids too are brainwashed by PEW, and as they get older it only seems to be getting worse no matter how much we do “right”. Everyone keeps saying that the kids will see one day all we have done, but I have serious doubts. The kids see PEW not having to work, having fun, and not a care in the world. They also see us working every day, can’t get housework done, always tired, always on the run. Hmm…they want the lazy life and if I could sit on my ass all day watching TV while someone else paid my bills, I might just do it too.

    At some point this madness will end because the kids do eventually grow up. I have been in the nightmare for over 4 years now. I did not sign up to support not only my husband and my house, but feed his kids, buy them things such as necessities, etc. I signed up to be married to someone that had a child support obligation. I did not sign up to pay for EVERYTHING PEW doesn’t do, and have the kids treat me like shit, use me, etc. They look at me like an ATM, and are all nicey-nice when they want me to buy something, but ignore me otherwise. They are users just like PEW, and with age and time things have only gotten worse.

    I really do feel for you, DW. I wish there was a better answer than time, but even times brings more emotional wounds. All I can say is “been there, done that, bought the shirt.”

17. blendedfam Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    DW~ I get it. I was married to a man who had a child. He owed a fortune in monthly support, and we only had children after we knew we could make our obligations. Support skyrocketed, we actually wound up having to live with family for a few months while she had annual Disneyland passes and took vacations. IT SUCKS, I get it. When he got custody of their daughter, he STILL had to pay support…and mom saw her once a month and made 60K. Now, I’m divorced from him, have our three children AND his daughter from a previous marriage that I’m supporting, and he’s WAY behind in support payments. Fair? No. Life? Yes.
    On a side note, didn’t you already have the house? Weren’t you already paying for it on your own?
    LM decided to leave his children and move in with you “for a job” and now that he’s set up a “new life” with you where you are doesn’t mean he doesn’t belong near his kids. HIS kids got the short end of this stick, far more than yours. It’s a sad situation all around, but it’s reality. When you hook up with a man with children, the X has you by the child support short hairs. (I’m marrying this month, and he pays support…so I KNOW what I’m signing up for…crappy as it is most of the time… she spends $$$ on hair and nails, and I get to pay the bills.)
    I don’t think you guys are crappy people… and I agree, “judicial discretion” is a crock…

18. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Here’s the beauty of the system (for those who profit from it).

    ALL THIS TIME, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how, given the state’s statutes, there was any way I would be paying child support given my circumstances.

    Today, I got the explanation: JUDICIAL DISCRETION.

    So, for those of you not paying attention there is:

    Guideline Option A.

    Guideline Option B.

    Guideline Option C.

    And when none of those options has dad paying child support, there is “JUDICIAL DISCRETION.” There is no law for that. There is no guideline for that. It’s call the “judge can do whatever the fuck he wants non-rule.”

    So, I asked D-Mac, in an effort to gain a critical understanding of what I was facing, the following question, using nice round numbers and splitting the year in half to make the calculation easier…

    D-Mac, so what you’re saying is, take for instance I get laid off on June 30th and there is no severance and no vacation time. I file a petition for a child support modification on July 1st.

    My income through June 30th was $50,000 and I was paying child support based upon that figure ($100,000/year). Now, my unemployment income through the end of the year will be $1,000/month. Mom makes $36,000/year.

    Are you telling me that the judge can take all my income and pro-rate it over the course of the year so that I’m paying child support on a $56,000 income, instead of $100,000 income… and I won’t have a termination and reverse of circumstances based on my actual income as of July 1st at $12,000/year?

    That’s exactly what they do. There is no guideline for that. I checked, albeit not closely (you know I will, not that it matters).

    This means that, despite everything written into the child support statutes, the judge can do whatever he wants. That is what was going to happen today.

    So KATE - your supposition is INCORRECT… because the calculation is now based on a “calculated income” of $X,XXX per month starting from now, so I don’t get any credit… the new order starts from today based upon my fabricated $50,000+ “income.”

    I’m not fucking kidding.

19. DW Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    Kate, I’m right there with you on lazy users. Nothing pisses me off more, in adults or kids, and it’s the one thing I struggle the most with LM’s kids. If not forced, they would sit on their ass all day long, until it was time to ask us for something they wanted. I’m tired of being treated that way by kids, PEW and the court system. I have no rights in this situation, but all the responsibility. Of course I can just leave them all in the dust. Always a choice. Not one I want to make, at this time.

20. Just Me :) Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    i just want to pitch a fit for you. but we all know that won’t do anygood.

21. DW Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    BlendedFam, You still don’t have the story straight, and I don’t think you are being rude, you just can’t place some things because you don’t have the facts.

    1 - We bought the house together.
    2 - He did not LEAVE his kids, he was already relegated to SIX DAYS a month with his children we he moved in with me. When he moved HE STILL SAW THEM those six days a month. Because WE drove 16 hours every other weekend in order to make it happen. ME AND MY KIDS did that drive, to ensure he and the boys were safe. That was a raw deal for my kids. They missed countless soccer games, parties and other events, because it was more important to show the court we were being extra cautious, as we were fighting for increased custody.
    3 - While overall his kids to get the short end of the stick, it is not because we are choosing this, their mother has chosen this for them. She chose to try to minimize his time with them in order to maximize her money from Day 1 of the divorce. If he lived in custody state FULL time, he would not see his children ONE SECOND more, because she will not allow it. We know, he used to live here, and she would cart them to family members, friends, anyone, just so he could not see them. This has not changed, and will never change. Because if it did, her money machine would end.
    4 - My children miss time with me because of our custody with the boys, I miss their events, I miss parties with them, they miss time with my family, and financially they suffer way more than the boys in our home, all because PEW is inflexible, and hell bent on making LM “pay” literally and figuratively for her being unhappy.
    5 - My ex actually suffers under the current scenario as he has to take my children additional time (he loves his kids, don’t read it the wrong way, but he doesn’t get a single weekend to himself due to Sunday exchanges, and he deserves time to himself) so that we can meet the court ordered exchange times. He also switches weeks and days when needed to deal with other custody situations, holidays, etc. He has to be completely flexible just so I can maintain a reasonable relationship with the man I’m in love with. How fucked up is that?

    I don’t expect life to be fair, and if you knew anything about my background you would understand that, but I do, despite reality, expect people, MOTHERS to be responsible for their own children and lives. And the more we allow this system to go on, the more good men we lose, and the more children grow up entitled to everything they want, perpetuating the system.

    Women with sons should not stand up for this, women with daughters with loving men should not stand up for this. And MEN, you SHOULD NOT stand up for this.

22. blendedfam Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    DW, If you’re missing your children’s events, parties, and time with them because you CHOOSE to join LM for these vistitation arrangements/exchanges, you are clearly sending the message to them that they are not your first priority.
    YOUR kids should be YOUR first priority; it’s not their fault your boyfriend/husband (not sure which) has a crazy ex. Your responsibilities as their mother should be more important. I’d walk through fire before I’d let my new husband’s EX take me away from my kids.
    Maybe that’s why your kids are suffering??

    PS: Do you really think $400 a month is a “money machine?” That’s $50/week/kid… not exactly supporting a life of luxury.

    As crappy as today went, be glad the support order didn’t INCREASE, which was a possibility. I hope LM finds a job… I know what it’s like…

23. DW Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    BlendedFam, Of course I’m choosing to leave my children, but it’s not quite as simple as you think. I am there 50% of the time for my kids, period, I rarely miss any of those days, and if I do, we typically trade another few days during my exes weeks, no problem. I miss the things that I could be there for during my exes weeks because I have a relationship with a man that I love, and his children. We chose a blended relationship, and I try to balance all of them, because they are all important to me. But, usually due to money constraints, I may have to miss my kids events because it’s time to be in custody state and we can’t afford to drive 2 cars every week so I can leave when needed. When gas was $4 a gallon, we were paying $1000 a month JUST in gas. So I would choose to miss an event with my children because I didn’t want to go an entire week without seeing LM or my stepchildren. These are choices we have to make, and no I don’t always choose that way, often I stay home to attend the events and miss time with LM and the boys, but I’m not going to be a stepmother and just ignore my other family. You can judge me on that how you want, ALL of the kids get a raw deal, I get a raw deal, LM gets a raw deal, and PEW has to take no responsibility for anything. It doesn’t have to be that way, and shouldn’t be that way, but with a PEW, that’s what we deal with.

24. vamomma Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Mr. M–I’m so, so very, very sorry.

    I hate the “judicial discretion thing” ; I’ve had some of it too this summer–not financially, but otherwise. The judge used his judicial discretion in our sitch too at the beginning of the summer.

    1 cop call and 2 ER visits later….

    YEAH.

    The system seems to protect the offenders. I do NOT get it. In my situation, the PEH is the one getting the protection of the system…and the kids suffer…boy do they ever.

    DW, I’m sorry. I see how much DH goes through and I see and know how much this all weighs on him and our child together. I see how DH spends father’s day driving with me so my kids can see their dad. His day is destroyed mind you. He’s given up lots of other things just because the court order rules our lives–and because the ex is totally unreasonable. It’s sad–that’s being kind to say that too.

    I wish you both the very best and I hope that Mr. M a new job is just right around the corner.

25. Ellen Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Wow - I am SO sad for you!! I am going through the EXACT same thing next Wednesday. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. In my case, my husband’s PEW does not work at all and gets $6,000 a month ($3,000 child support, $3,000 alimony). My husband lost his job in March and has kept up his payments and filed on 4/1/09 for a modification. We will see what the judge says, but it doesn’t look good. If this goes wrong, we WILL lose our house. Oh, and when we filed for the modification she filled a counter claim requesting money for college and she’ll probably get it!! UGH, I’ll be glad when his three children are adults. No wait, we still have to pay until they get out of college. Eight more years and counting…

26. DW Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Also, $400 a month, when you only bring home $2200 a month, is a lot. LM can’t even pay for the apartment and utilities on what he is left with, not to mention our home, which his entire unemployment check wouldn’t even cover the mortgage WITHOUT them taking child support out of. So yes, I do think $400 is a lot. That’s a car payment, we have 2 cars, both with over 150k miles (and I work from home, want to know how much we pay in gas each month? a lot) and one or both will probably die pretty soon. That’s a month of groceries. That’s almost 2 months of heat. Should I go on? It’s funny how when you are receiving $400 it’s not much, but when you have to pay it, it seems like a lot more. I imagine you feel that way when you pay bills too.

27. blendedfam Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    I’m truly not trying to pick a fight with you. I remember how I felt when my husband (at the time) was awarded custody of my stepdaughter and her mother got visitation 1x a month. He was ordered to pay child support, keep her insured, AND pay for the transportation for visits. I had never felt that deflated, frustrated, and angry at a ruling. She made just as much as he did, and had no other children. He had three additional children. We got screwed. And now that I’m supporting this same daughter? Do you think either he OR her mother are paying support? Heck no.

    Yes, $400 can go a long way with bills. It’s the lowest award I’ve ever heard of for ONE kid, let alone two. I was just trying to point out that it could have gone much worse.

    For comparison’s sake, my X is supposed to pay in excess of 1800 a month for our three (no order for his daughter) is currently unemployed (and has been for nearly a year) and owes a small fortune. Believe me, I’m NOT on the sides of moms who sit at home whining about being a “single mom” while cashing the support checks and having every other weekend “kid-free.”

    I understand where you’re coming from…it sucks, I could have said the same things you’ve said for many years… I really do get it. Unfortunately, things are what they are, and you can’t make PEW stop collecting anymore than I can get my x to start paying. Just remember, this won’t be forever… at some point, support will end. Thank heavens he doesn’t pay alimony, too.

28. DW Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    Yes $400 does seem low for 2 kids, but he has them 50% of the time, not every other weekend which is what most support calculations we see are based on. He was paying $1400 a month when he was on that schedule. I firmly believe that in a 50/50 arrangement there should never be child support, to mother or father, period. My ex and I do not pay each other and at times he has made more and I have made more. We simply take care of our children, the way adults should.

29. ImOver Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    Blendedfam - let me ask you a question. If we took a dollar and split it in half, meaning you get $.50 and I get $.50 who would get more? Neither of us would and if you want to see my logic, if MisterM has the kids 50% of the time and the PEW has 50% of the time who has the kids more? Take into account also that the PEW makes more money now and tell me how you get to the point that $400 is not that much money for 2 kids for child support? PEW should be paying support logically to MisterM?

    MisterM, I am very sorry this did not turn out like it should have. This system is broken and no one wants to do anything to fix it.

30. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    Let me more blunt… BlendedFam, you’re ignorant. Please stop comparing situations to yours as each situation is unique. You’re on record in this thread as being very judgmental and completely misinformed on the facts.

    You’re position has clearly been stated:

    - $400 isn’t a lot.

    - I should be “happy.”

    - DW is a shitty parent who should be completely unaffected by the impact of my predicament on her just because she “chose” to be with me and her feelings shouldn’t matter.

    I won’t pull any punches. And it doesn’t matter how disingenuously you close each subsequent post with transparent good wishes.

    Thanks for your contributions, we’ve gotten your message loud and clear.

31. evil_stepmom Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    This makes me absolutely sick to read. My DH pays child support on 3 kids, we have 1 together, and I have 1 from a previous relationship. I do not receive child support (even though it is ordered) and have sole custody. DH gets only every other w/e because SHE moved away with the kids. I pray that this never happens to us, but I know all to well that anything is possible when judicial discretion is used. I truly believe unless there is some sort of abuse or neglect that it should be 50/50 with no c/s to either party. I have yet to see one reason why this is not beneficial to children.

32. beatdowndad Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Earning Capacity.. WOW I hate that term. My ex, took my kids and moved back to the state of our youth. I tried to get my high $$ earning job to transfer me to that area and they refused. I began my search for a job close to my 3 kids and finally found one. Unfortunately the pay was about 35% lower. When we went to court for the support hearing, my income was based on my earning capacity at the higher previous pay. My ex, who is a trained, bar certified attorney, that chose not to work, was given an earning capacity of minimum wage.. Talk about Judicial Discretion..

    I feel for you Mister-m and DW. I know exactly were you are!

33. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Reason #1 - An entitled mother isn’t getting paid from the hard work of another.

    Reason #2 - No child support order = no government control over divorced families lives.

    Reason #3 - (Or should this be #1?) - No child support order, no federal funds flowing into the state for the gargantuan divorce and family court system.

34. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    We’re all slaves… welcome to the plantation.

35. Changingtunes Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Blended

    My DSO pays $162 per month for 2 kids and has them 50% of the time.

    We think that’s ridiculous because it should be that neither parent pays CS if the custody time is equal but life sucks.

36. Schottsax Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    That sucks….not sure I understand the math yet that the judge used but smells fishy.

    I am sorry. This “in chambers and then sweat em” crap is all a ploy. They scare you, you settle, and then you have no recourse. They can say whatever they want at this point there is no record…it always starts like this….”the judge is inclined to….” IMO it is all BS (and I know several Father’s Rights activist who agree….never settle….get everything on the record).

    I did fight back one time although I was in a much different economic situation….while unfortunate you probably hedged your bets the right way here given that this will be a temporary situation. The best thing to do now is get another job. Tech seems to be leading out of this recession and the economic situation seems to be MAYBE turning a corner. Hang in there and keep knocking….you will find something. If you get in trouble on the mortgage go to the bank and try to renegotiate. With good credit, some monthly income still coming in via DW, and the declining real estate values they are highly motivated to prevent a default.

    Also DW you said “the boys will choose her because they are brainwashed, and as of yet, have never thought for themselves, they don’t know how, and never will.” The professionals I talked to along the way did not agree that this was true….it was a big fear of mine…they argued with me that the research also supported that it was not true. They told me that several factors would prevent the alienation ….one…like Mister M my kids are boys and so the father is the most influential role model in the end, and second with 50% or greater custody and an actively involved father…true alienation is almost impossible. It doesn’t mean she isn’t going to do some damage along the way but the kids will learn and somewhere in their early teens will fully get it and gravitate to the healthy household more and more. This came true with my 15yr old who now lives with me full-time because he can’t put up with PEW. He knows she is nuts and while I am sure he loves her, he chooses to only see her occasionally for short periods.

    She has a miserable life, she will always have a miserable life no matter what the courts do or say. You have a great life….you have a love which she can never experience and in the end her kids will largely reject her….how sad for her…..don’t give her the power to tarnish what you have and don’t let this temporary situation ruin your long-term reality.

    hang tough….business cycles are cycles!

37. Nomoredrama Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    What happened to you sucks, but is not surprising. My dh has full custody and bm only pays 15 wk for TWO kids! I’m sorry rarely pays 15 wk and believes she shouldn’t pay anything. She only sees them for 3 hrs eo week! There’s been abuse and a lot of other drama. It’s all not fair at all. I don’t give a crap about fair for me and dh or fair for bm. It’s not fair for the kids. The same goes for your kids. If the court wants the kids to be supported, how can that happen when they’re stripping you of what little you have? It you were ncp it might be a little different, but you’re not. You are paying because you are the father. If things were reversed, I bet she would not be forced to ’support’ them in the manner that you have to. Our bm doesn’t work and complains of having no $ to pay support but can afford ebay shopping. dh and I work our butts off and take care of all the kids needs no matter what. We can’t say ‘oh sorry kids we don’t have the $ to feed you this week’. Ok, I’ll stop, I’m just getting myself upset. Lol. I hope things work out for you and dw. P.s.: blendedfam-just because lm’s kids are not dw’s bios does not mean they don’t matter also. Kids don’t care. They just want to be loved and felt like they matter. If she didn’t make the effort to be there for visits, how do you think they’d feel? Also, you’re not in their situation and have no right to judge. Just mho.

38. Caine Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    I wish I was in your shoes. I got accused of child abuse a month ago, got regulated to supervised visitation (cost of $480/mo) and $1573 in child support. (she’s now got 365/year, luckily they imputed $9/hr to her or it’d be worse) Even with all the sick stuff I had documented evidence of, all it takes is a bruise on my youngest’s butt to suddenly be child abuse and she’s the best parent. (I make about $4400/mo, military) Needless to say, I’m not making the mortgage payment this month or the next 5 or so till the case gets reevaluated… I’m done defending this crap…

39. Caine Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    by crap I mean this country of crooks…

40. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Schott’s… I agree in part with what you say… but we’re pretty much tapped out and I just didn’t see the point of going through 4 billable hours of a hearing. The credit card has been abused as it is and if/when I get a job, there will be more stuff to contend with.

    We’re at our wit’s end. At $400/month, I already paid 10-months worth of that in legal fees to learn about “judicial discretion” and averaging out the income.

    The math isn’t funny. The money from the severance + what I’ll take in from unemployment thru the end of the year is what they say my income is for the year and on that - they base the child support.

    The math isn’t fishy… the fact that this is what they do is what’s fishy. Spending another $1200 on my credit card to have it part of the record just isn’t worth it to me. We’re just fucked a $1200 faster is all.

41. Nomoredrama Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    Also, in our state(and I imagine in most others) child support is based on as if mother and father were still together. So, that means if LM and PEW were still married(happy dance that they’re not:) and LM lost his job, $400 would magically appear from somewhere?!? They would be having a harder time financially like he is now. But now the kids are going to suffer much more than they would if pew was normal and just said to call it a wash till you get back on your feet(which is still unfair since it’s 50/50). If they were still married, she would also take a hit financially, but instead the system made it so she can continue the same lifestyly while the kids suffer more abundantly with LM.

42. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    DING DING DING!!! We have a winner.

    $400 is food for the month. So, they just took a month’s worth of food out of the household and gave it to PEW.

43. Nomoredrama Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    That is total bs. But, of course, ‘it’s in the best interest of the children’.

44. witsend Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    So sorry, Mr. M. I really had high hopes for your case.

45. Mister-M Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    Schotts probably has a great point. If I had any buffer whatsoever, I would have told my attorney… I want it on the record that this is what the judge wants to order.

46. Hindustan Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Geez. I am sorry to hear this. The American Family Court system is so fucked up and anti-male that the only rational response is for men not to have children or marry American women. Too late for you. Too late for me too.

47. Mark Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    I’m really sorry to hear that. It’s really a bum deal for everyone, but of course PEW and the family court system.

48. Caine Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    Yeah, I stopped at 2, love my 3, but still it’s waaaay worth it to not get married in the first place. IMHO.

49. Enough Already Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    I’m cynical, I’m jaded, and I have no faith in Judges to follow the law as it is written…especially when “judicial discretion” comes into play. I’m also a lawyer (hah).

    In our case, DH’s child support was calculated on his full time job…that job has vanished with the economy…along with the rest of the company.

    Fortunately, he was able to get a part time job…and that job is also suffering…down from reasonable part time hours to 3-4 half days a week. He’s raking in less than a 16 year old at the ice cream sundae house.

    Based on our past experiences and what we together (and I personally) have learned about the Court, we decided that the best decision for us would be to keep paying the support that was based on his former job. We figured that the money spent on lawyers…missing work…fighting about custody and visitation (because once you’re in Court for anything, you’re in Court for everything)…would end up exceeding any “benefit” we might get from petitioning the court to modify the support order.

    I’m not suggesting that this was a good idea, or what anyone else should do…just sharing my own cynicism. I expect to be fucked by the Court…no matter what.

    As sorry as I am for you Mr. M…I’m completely unsuprised.

50. Caine Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    See what I mean? I’ve been fighting for over 13 years to defend this bullcrap… My faith in my country is at an all time low.

51. DaveH Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Hindustan Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
    Geez. I am sorry to hear this. The American Family Court system is so fucked up and anti-male that the only rational response is for men not to have children or marry American women. Too late for you. Too late for me too.

    Believe me it isn’t any better when there are no minor children. Being a male means you pay no matter what the situation.

52. blendedfam Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    I’m sorry you think I’m so judgmental and ignorant. Truth is, you only want to hear from people who will join you in the “this is what’s wrong with the world” spiel. You’re more than welcome to engage in it; it’s your blog.
    I was simply saying, IT COULD HAVE GONE WORSE. You say so yourself. The order could have increased. So, instead of glass half empty, try to take a step back and be grateful it’s wasn’t more.
    DW, I think you have to be a strong person to deal with this crap. You’re not a shitty parent, contrary to what LM thinks. Being a step parent is the worse job in the world.
    Have a cheap bottle of wine. It will look better tomorrow.

53. Mark Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 12:14 am

    That’s like saying you should be grateful that only got punched in the gut, as opposed to kicked in the balls. Or that the fact slaves were expensive and therefore generally well treated means that slavery wasn’t such a bad institution.
    Honestly, if you are so fucking stupid you can’t understand why allowing a court where a judge has wide ranging powers to simply ignore the rule of law to exist is dangerous, then please do us all a favor and put a pistol in your mouth.

54. Mister-M Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 12:21 am

    Blendedfam… that’s not exactly true… and truth be told, I do count my blessings every day (and even did so today talking with DW and family after-the-fact).

    It’s obvious you still don’t quite grasp the predicament we’re all in and no amount of your claims that you’ve been there and/or understand make the immediacy of the experience less stressful or aggravating.

    Tonight I’ve laughed, enjoyed a couple of television shows, and just sat here and chilled out with DW. This too shall pass and maybe you do have good intentions, you just don’t appear to have much tact.

    Mere acceptance of such injustices does no one any good. Is it all right with you if I take 24-hours to be upset, pissed off, sad, hopeless, and aggravated before getting back to the matters at hand?

55. Mister-M Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 12:23 am

    Yeah, Marc… I could be fucking dead. HALLELUJAH!!! lmao…

56. livinonfaith Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 12:55 am

    So terribly sorry Mister M and DW. This is so wrong in so many ways.
    I don’t know how religious you guys are, but I am, so I’ll say a prayer for both of you and your family. (Can’t hurt!)
    Just ignore blendedfam. She’s obviously living in some drug-induced or psychotic alternative reality. One that makes her say nasty things and then cover them with empty words of support. Or maybe she has some sort of brain tumor that prevents her from understanding financial matters or relationships. (I better pray for her too, just in case. LOL)
    Anyway, you already know it, but I’ll say it anyway, you have every right to be really upset about this. We have to find some way to get our government to understand the real damage that is being done to families like yours.
    I won’t be here next week. (vacation) but maybe we could have a major brainstorm on the blog to come up with ways to change this.
    I truly do hope that you find a good job soon.

57. johneycage Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 2:39 am

    Real sorry MR M. Hope you’ll give us the long version soon.

    I’ve been feeling down lately with all that has been going on in my life but I saw this vid on U-Tube and it had me laughing my ass off. Hope it cheers you up as much as it did me.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgFgEqm3o60

    Its nothing to do family law or divorce just funny as hell

58. Jill Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 2:39 am

    The system is so fucked up I can’t even see straight. My bf is going through similar shit and the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. You, he, and everyone else in this position are at the mercy of people (judges) who have no idea of the impact of their decisions. Half the time they are overworked with little to no time to fully review the details of the case (as in our situation where the judge complains about his workload during a hearing). They never know the whole truth of the matter, as they are faced with hearing one side vs another and never knowing the true character of the people. The judge makes a decision on his perception, and that is NOT acceptible. I feel for you. I really do. Why can’t someone do something!!!!!!!

59. tracy Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 2:48 am

    Man oh Man, the whole content of everything that blendedfam has said here, simpy amazes me! It is obvious to me, as it must be to others who read your blog faithfully, the blendedfam DOES NOT READ THIS BLOG, AND DOESN’T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED WITH YOU AND YOUR EX.

    Tact is a good word to think on blendedfam…it definitely is something you have little of. How can you have the nerve to visit someone else’s webblog reading just part of what this family has suffered in the last few weeks, and be so callous?

    What I am hearing from you, I am trained to hear; and that is YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS WHINING INSIDE, AND FILLED WITH ANGER ABOUT YOUR OWN SITUATION WITH A MAN, that you decided to dump it all out here on people you don’t know. And, I would bet money that you haven’t won many battles in your life when trying to control the people you do know. Aren’t you just the self-righteous one? Please!

60. tracy Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 2:52 am

    By the way Mister-M, I am so sorry for all that you and DW are having to endure one more time out of a thousand other times. I pray things will get better soon, and that you all can enjoy some peace with all of the children…that you will find work…the bills will be paid…the craziness will end. Blessings…

61. tracy Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 3:08 am

    and another thing…LOL,

    blendedfam, when I said “just part of what this family has suffered in the past few weeks”–what I mean is that what you read recently is just one tip-of-the-iceburg story in relation to what this family has suffered due to a mental deranged individual who refuses to see that she is mentally deranged, and therefore will never seek help in order that she can become a responsible woman in charge of her own mental health, excepting the consequences of her actions.

    In case you have trouble figuring out of whom I am speaking, I am referring to the psychotic ex-wife of Mister-M.

    I can’t help but wonder, in regard to the very few people who have visited this site to leave ignorance for everyone to read, if there is not some sort of mental psychosis going on within them as well….hmmm.

62. Mark Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 3:43 am

    In Germany they first came for the Communists,
    and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.

    Then they came for the Jews,
    and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.

    Then they came for the trade unionists,
    and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

    Then they came for the Catholics,
    and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

    Then they came for me —
    and by that time no one was left to speak up.

    We’d all do well to remember this poem from Pastor Martin Niemoeller. Imagine if tomorrow we started operating criminal courts like we allow family courts to operate. Judges would have the power to ignore constitutional rights, because instead of justice, the court’s new standard is “the victim’s best interests.” Imagine being able to affirmatively prove you were not guilty of what you had been accused of but told you were going to jail anyway because it was in the best interest of the victim. Happens to men all the time in family courts when they can prove genetically not to be the father, but are forced to pay child support because the court thinks it’s best for the kid. That’s were we are, we have a system of courts that is responsible for the lion’s share of the cases in litigation in this country that openly operates disregarding centuries of American jurisprudence, the constitution, and the law when it wants to do so. So yeah, first they came for the “deadbeat” dads……

63. sarah Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 7:13 am

    blendedfam is our PEW! if not sounds just like her. that has happened a few times here, all of a sudden there she is spewing her shit and hate. I am so sorry misterM and DW, I have to thank you again, both of you, for being here and helping so many of us. THANK YOU. I also have another point, my brother has a now 18 year old daughter, went through what we all have or are going through, she came to him this year, loves him and thanked him for always trying. she has figured out her mom and now sees him more. his ex called him when she (daughter) was graduating high school this year and apologized, for the last 18 years…..idiot! so much of life passed and that is sad but hang in there everyone, the kids figure it out. good karma to you misterM and DW and thanks again.

64. JCB82 Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Im so sorry for you Mr M and DW. I hope things turn around for you soon and your life gets a bit better. My husbands PEG has now affected our lives so badly that my husbands left me so I dont see him or my stepdaughter any more. After all Ive supported him through and put up with, you can imagine how I feel about that cow of a PEG winning, as her aim was if she cant have my husband noone can so she will make our lives as crap as possible. But, life goes on. And I will continue following your story in the hope that things can get better for someone at least.

65. blendedfam Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    You guys are really funny. First, I’ve read this blog for about a year now, and have found it entertaining/depressing. The fact that kids are involved is a travesty. I realize that this latest “event” is only the most recent in a long string of drama fueled legal issues this family has faced. How can I be ignorant, when I’ve been on both sides of this coin? Rather, it appears that those claiming my ignorance are in fact the ones who are ignorant… they are mainly the “new wives/girlfriends” of men who have children and hate the fact that money goes to the other women to suppport the kids. If you don’t like it, you have two choices: get over it, or leave him. The chances that it will change are almost invisible. You will never dictate how that money is spent, and you will have no say in the amount of the order.
    In all fairness, I AGREE that mothers have an equal responsibility to financially support their children, and that appears to be ignored by the court system at large.

66. Mark Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Like I said, put a gun in your mouth and there will be one fewer moron on the planet. Your kids will better off for it.

67. Originalflowers Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    Blendedfam, why do you feel the need to comment on this blog? He wants to vent, his perception is that the situation is unfair. You disagree, fine, you stated your case, move on. What do you get from repeatedly telling him to get over it or forcing your opinion on this matter? do you think you’re helping matters? Do you think you’ll change his perception? I guarantee you you’re not and you can’t. So leave it alone and concentrate on your own life.

68. Mister-M Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Ignorant: Unaware because of a lack of relevant information or knowledge.

    It wasn’t meant as an insult, it was meant as a fact. And, if you have been reading this blog for “a year” - I surmise you would have known the following important points:

    - We have 50/50 custody, both legal and physical.

    - I live in close proximity to PEW’s residence.

    - That a normal human being would be sympathetic to the impact of any given situation on DW and the fact that she is “only” a stepmother in no one relegates those feelings to secondary (or no) status.

    I could go on, but these are the most glaring examples of your ignorance and what prompted me to call you same.

69. blendedfam Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    OriginalFlowers, I didn’t say HE needed to get over it. I said the whining, complaining new wives/girlfiends need to get over it. And I’ve been once twice, so I’m NOT ignorant.
    MrM, your SECOND, non-primary home is in close proximity to PEW, right?

    I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. Honestly, I’ve been in the crappy “child support system” long enough to know this was coming. When I read how you were going to be paying “zero” and “probably collecting” CS, I knew you were headed for a huge disappointment. The system sucks, it’s broken, you got screwed (I agree!) and the beaurocrats that wrote the laws won’t gain anything by changing them, so fathers down the line will continue to be screwed. For whatever reason, the prevailing opinion is that mothers shouldn’t have to support their children. (Which I disagree with.)
    If the boneheads who commented actually READ what I wrote, they’d find I’m really not that far from their perspective.
    Oh, well, good luck. You’re gonna need it!

70. Schottsax Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    Ok I think I understand the math now…

    He did not “impute” any income to you he just used what you actually got and are getting paid “smoothed out” for the calendar year as your annual income number?

    Because he smoothed out the number you remain the superior wage earner and continue to pay her. If he calculates based on actual flow of income you pay her till severance and vacation runs out and then she pays you.

    Is it the act of “smoothing out” your income that causes the problem because of the relationship to her income element in the calculator.

    Smoothing out income is standard practice when you have variable income component (which makes sense)….it seems that the legal question would be whether the judge erred by including non-recurring income (severance and vacation) from a job you no longer have to support an ONGOING award that remains beyond the point where it is a fact you will no longer be receiving this income….I wonder what are the specific law or guidelines on this…treatment of non-recurring income?

    Yeah judicial discretion…..discretion is not the word I am thinking of.

71. rj Says:
    August 8th, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    WOW!!! I cannot believe how raw a deal you were given for this. Your Pew reminds me of mine. To stay out of court (which is looking smarter and smarter all the time), I have 85% custody of my son and am paying 300.00 each month alimony for 2 years. Despite this, her harrassment of my girlfriend (she has a boyfriend, and I don’t harrass him), she is still constantly asking me for more money. Honestly, this makes me sick and as bad of a person as it makes me, i would love to punch her in the face for all she has put me through.

    Good luck with this…eventually, everyone gets what they deserve.

72. Ms. G Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 1:11 am

    Wow, Mr. M… I’m so sorry for your outcome. I’m pretty nervous now… we’re in the midst of a support battle due to my DH’s job loss. No offense, but I hope we’re not in the same state as you!

    I’m sending prayers for you and your family… a job has to be coming your way soon.

73. Mister-M Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 10:13 am

    Yes, Schotts… they use a methodology that is designed for seasonal workers or workers who have income that fluctuates with weather conditions (for instance: construction, roofing, farming)… and then apply to someone for whom that doesn’t really apply.

    Theoretically, they could do this to ANYONE who gets laid off and, depending upon when during the you became unemployed and whether or not there was a severance package - you’re still paying! Your circumstances are immaterial.

74. Jessica Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 10:56 am

    I think that what is happening to you is just outrageous! I too, agree with DW on the 50/50 arrangement - fortunately, that is the path my ex-husband and I were able to take. I will never forget, though.. my lawyer was very surprised and actually tried to talk me into still receiving child support! Not only that, when I stood my ground, he tried to get me to at least get back child support from my ex for the time we were separated prior to our mediation. I was baffled, needless to say. Now, on the other hand, my BF and his PEG came to an agreement at the beginning of this year (FINALLY) where he is able to have his daughter for nearly 50% of the time - the biggest catch, however, is that his CS payments to her remain the same ($400 a month). That was not too big of an issue until recently… he was laid off from his job!! Thanks Mister M and DW for sharing with all of us out here.. I know it helps me. Thanks for letting me vent too!

75. Blueydmuse Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 11:32 am

    The family court system in this country is so broken. I’m sorry things turned out this way for you guys.

76. Manibeaux Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    Oh, Mister-M. I am so, so sorry.

77. allabouther Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    I am so pissed off, right now, I can’t stand it!!!!!!! UUUGGGHHH!!!!! This is exactly why I’ve been afraid (I hate to admit it, but it’s the truth) to do anything about my child support situation. I have one of our kids, she has the other. I waited to do anything about support until after the legalities of the parenting plan were out of the way, but then got scared. I got laid off and decided to do something about it, and got scared again, because of “judicial discretion” aka “legal f—ing over kids and dads”. Now, I’m just sucking it up, trying to let it go, for my own sanity, but she wins. Our kids lose.

    UUUGGGHHH!!!

    and she has the nerve to tell anyone who will listen that she pays support. what a joke.

    Is there anything that can be done???? Seriously, is there? It’s really screwed up when a man has to sacrifice doing what he knows is right for the sake of survival. But what other choice is there?

    blendedfam should get off her, welfare paid for it computer, and just enjoy sitting back collecting more and more $ for having kids (that “we only had children after we knew we could make our obligations”, ahahaha that cracks me up) yeah, waited until she had enough of them she could afford to mooch off the system in one way or another and have a grand life-style, especially since she took in the way-ward one that no-one wanted and now, this poor unwitting fool that she’s marrying this month is buying into the whole sad situation. Wonder how long before he’s sent packing; Wonder how many kids she’ll birth from him; Wonder if she’ll be the wonderful, loving woman that she is and take-in his poor kids from a previous relationship and give them the secure, publicly assisted home she’s provided for the rest of them. Or, is it that she’s completely full of shit and just enjoys causing trouble and putting the focus on her?! Definition of PEW?!

    But, blendedfam, I wish you the very best in life, and good luck with that!! (gag)

78. Schottsax Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    Mister M;

    I definitely think it is wrong to apply the smoothing in this situation, particularly in this economy — whether the law agrees with me is another question. I remember another case in California where the guy was a professional football kicker. Talk about seasonal and unpredictable income. Toward the end of his career he would never know if he was gonna be picked up. If he was not, he got paid about the same as a teacher….if he got a contract he made big money. As I recall the court went back and forth in sync with his actual employment. When he wasn’t kicking it got set to the teacher’s salary and when he was, it went up again. They were in court constantly but the judge never gave the PEW the kicker CS calculation unless he actually had income to support it — despite her arguments about how she was entitled cause that was what he made last year and there was no reason he could not make it again this year (IMPUTED and smoothing arguments).

    If you don’t have a new job by the 1st of the year I would re-file this case with the argument that the current agreement was based on the prior year’s annual earnings including the job for 1/2 the year and being able to find a new one before the 1st of the year. CS at this level past that point is not correct (ideally D-Mac would have gotten some kind of timeframe into this agreement but c’est la vie)

    Also in PA…not sure if it is true in your state, the statute states that NOT considering unique actual expense situations relating to the kids is a misapplication of the guidelines. If you are literally losing your ability to keep the apartment and see your boys then this is pretty unique and effects the “best interest of the children.” The court will recognize that you have both step parent and bio parent responsibilities (despite some of the idiots on this board who keep saying things like you should just move back). I think you have a good argument here as well at least for some relief. Call a child psychologist on this if you have too — -judges are very reticient to make rulings that ignore their pronouncements unless there are two experts with opposite opinions.

    Still the best scenario for everyone is to find a job…..hopefully that will make all the rest of this irrelevant.

79. blendedfam Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    For clarification’s sake, and because there seems to be some concern that tax dollars are supporting my children and my x’s daughter, let me say this: I get no assistance. I work, support, and insure my children. I also receive no alimony or child support. We live in a large, brand new, 5 bedroom home and I drive a late model SUV.
    For the final time, I AGREE the LM got SCREWED. I think PEW should financially support her children, too. I believe that the system is unfairly slighted toward mothers…even those WITHOUT custody. In this economy, men with support orders are pissing up a rope with no hope of change.
    Sheesh, what an angry bunch.

80. Tim Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 10:48 am

    I just got my new child support order this morning. As mentioned before, I too have had my income imputed and set at an amount that is more than I’ve ever made. My new order has me paying $1200/mth for one child. My unemployment is $1100 a month, but I’ve been unemployed for so long now, that is within in just a few weeks of running dry. You do the math!

    No one has looked harder than I have to find work. I’ve had 3 jobs since I was laid off of a long standing job 3 years ago. Each time I got a job, I notified PEW, showed her my pay stub, calculated the new amount using the on-line calculator that the courts use in my state, and paid her accordingly. And each job I’ve been laid off again due to a failing economy. Above and beyond that, I’ve taken care of vehicle expenses for my daughter who’s about to attend college, along with some college expenses. PEW says she’s 18 and on her own and won’t help her at all. My daughter worked hard in school and recieved several schlorships that has practically paid for 4 years of tuition and housing, but she still has out of pocket expenses to get started. How can I not help her if I’ve got a penny left to my name. She’s helped herself and she’s still my child. Any of you can say she’s own her on like PEW, but I don’t see it that way. She also was working to make money for a vehicle and for college, but she too got laid off. So I took most of everything I had left to help her get started and to provide her a vehicle.

    Now, I barely have enough to pay bills as I work any job I can find to make a dollar here and there. I’m on the verge of losing everything I own and now I’m hit with this new child support order because the court ruled I’m willingly unemployed/underemployed. I feel like I have just been diagnosed with cancer or something. I am being destroyed by a PEW and an unfair legal system. I can’t afford an attorney anymore, so where does one go from here…besides a nut house?

    So Mister M, people can take shots at you all you want, but I feel your pain. I whole heartly understand where you’re coming from. Anybody can say what that want about me, but what’s important is what I know inside about myself. And what I know is I’m doing all I can do, and not taking anybody down with me as I go. But this sucks!

    I thought maybe if I vented here for just a minute, it’d help. I guess the jury’s still out, but I’m not feeling all better just yet.

81. GGRR Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 10:50 am

    Mr-M and DW: I am sick about the outcome of the hearing. I wish I could do something–anything–helpful or useful.

    With all the intricate discussion in this thread, one shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that at any time PEW could have been a human being and worked with you on this one, for the sake of the children, at least.

    On the issues regarding DW and choices: all blended families have to make choices and sacrifices–it is never easy, and always a balancing act. My DH and I were talking last night about the dilemma of taking care of ourselves in the face of multiple demands and responsibilities from our families: it’s mind-boggling. LM and DW have always acted with great thoughtfulness and consideration, not to mention love, for each other and all the children, in the face of extreme obstacles and provocation–all obstacles have been completely unnecessary. The explanation “that’s life” or “shit happens” isn’t good enough. This isn’t about illness or acts of nature: it is about one human being, PEW, choosing to make the lives of everyone around her worse than miserable. The outrage about choices and choosing should be directed at PEW, who could have stopped this scenario at any time, and CHOOSES not to.

82. Kate Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 11:57 am

    GGRRR - You are so right that the person that could have done the right thing here is PEW, and she refused. Not only did she refuse, she fought hard the opposite way. PEW does not do what is best for the kids, she does what is best for PEW. Because she is the way she is, PEW has no ability to see beyond her own world.

    Mister-M - I so feel your pain as DH and I went through the same thing when he was laid off. We were VERY lucky that by the time we got to court, DH had another job, although it paid less than his last job. The court saw him making an effort to stay employed and saw that PEW still had not done anything for herself since the last time they were in court 2 years prior. Maybe it partly had to do with the referee being a working-female who probably is sick of seeing women leeching off of their exs. We had offered PEW a settlement prior to going to court, but she insisted she wanted to see what the court said. Court set support at about $50/mo less than our offer to PEW, so she screwed herself. Although we did get a reduction, we are still dealing with DH having a lower income than prior with zero benefits. We are grateful that he is getting more than unemployment would have paid, and even more grateful that PEW had to share the pain. DH probably would not have gone for a reduction if he felt the support money was being used on the kids, but PEW uses it on herself. To watch the kids go without basic needs while PEW gets her hair done really makes DH and me sick.

83. MR Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    Mister-M: Judicial discretion, BARF. I totally understand your reasoning for not proceeding to a full hearing. But it is too bad the judge is not on the record. I really think what more fathers need to do is to challenge “judicial discretion” by saying, at the conclusion of the hearing, “I would like the court to provide a written ‘Finding of Fact’.” In other words, “I plan to appeal.”

    Of course, this is not a practical option for you or 99% of other screwed-over fathers, because just to file an appeal costs $5K. They know you are already tapped out and won’t/can’t do it, so they trample all over you, your kids, and the law with “judicial discretion.”

    Tim — why are you obligated to pay CS if your kid is 18? Do you live in an “adult support” state. There are only a few of those, I think. I know MA is one.

84. Tim Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    MR,

    The new order is based on only one child now. This is the new amount I have to pay. I was paying lower on two children over the last 2 1/2 years or so, because of my unemployment status. But PEW takes me back to court when my daughter was about to turn 18 and the judge decided that I had had long enough to be earning my “earning potential” from my job 3 years ago and then added about $7k a year to it. I guess that was for raises or something that I should have had…who knows. Not only did I get stuck with an anormous CS payment, I was also stuck with arrearages based upon back to when her motion was filed, which was two months prior to my daughter turning 18. That amount alone was almost $3000 bucks. I just know that I’m in an impossible situation now and you’re right….no money to appeal anything. UGH!!!!

85. got.her.number Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Ugh, I’m so sickened by this. My heart just breaks for all of you and what you are going through. I thought our PEW is bad (and she is especially evil in her own ways) but she doesn’t hold a candle to some of these situations. Granted, the divorce isn’t final just yet, but she has the sense of entitlement and financial power to crush my partner to smithereens. I just don’t get it, I don’t get why family courts are so anti-father. There is such rampant discrimination against men… in the family court, in mental health, in domestic violence, in child welfare. It’s insane. It’s like the pendulum has swung to the complete opposite side.

    Mister-M, Tim, and all of you out there in these same situations… I suppose our only hope is that Karma is real and what goes around, comes around and knocks them on their asses. Oh to be a fly on the wall in their next life.

    DW… do you blog regularly about what it’s like for us, the loving, caring sane partners of these men dealing with PEWs? I’m finding myself in some crazy ass uncharted waters, for sure.

86. DW Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    got.her.number - I do occasionally, but I need to do some more, especially after the last couple of days.

87. tracy Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 12:53 am

    Blendfam : Got news for you! I was one of the ones to accuse you of being ignorant, and NO, I am not a wife or girlfriend of a man who has children from a previous marriage; so kiss my ass!

    I am a product of a broken marriage!! I have lived this shit, and to be frank, neither of my parents should have become parents…though, I have worked through the issues and have accepted them, AND respected them for the good they both gave me.

    Having said that, I am married to a man of 16 years, and even with my own mental health disorder,(chemical) we gave of ourselves to the community by doing foster care for other people’s children. Your assumptions and presumptuous commenting is an absolute disgrace to those of us women who live with dignity and integrity. The comments you are leaving here are fucking embarrassing. I feel embarrasssed for you, because I know you don’t feel embarrassed.

    I truely believe that because you think you know everything, and can judge us all, doing no wrong yourself, that YOU have a borderline personality.

    Get a grip, and quit assuming things about those of us (most all here) who are commenting back to you.

88. MR Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 11:58 am

    “I just don’t get it, I don’t get why family courts are so anti-father.”

    Follow the money. Redistribution of wealth to the politically-entitled class (women and the holier-than-holy “single mothers”), and into state coffers via Federal matching funds.

    Read “Taken Into Custody” (link in the Book List banner) and you’ll totally understand, got.her.number. I really do believe that someday the public will look back on the Divorce industry, “visitation,” child support policy, the whole ball of wax — and wonder “what were we thinking??” But right now it’s the modern-day equivalent of Jim Crow. It just really, really sucks to be a divorced/separated father, and there are very few in power willing to change it.

89. blendedfam Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Tracy~
    Learn how to spell. You’ll be taken more seriously if you’re literate.
    And the fact that mentally, chemically unbalanced people such as yourself can foster children is a travesty.
    MY tax dollars at work. Maybe that’s the problem…you collect government funds for fostering!! I get it now!!
    Loser.

90. thealienatedparent Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    i’m so sorry this has happened to you. we just received word last night from my DH’s kids that they want no furth contact with him because, “they” feel $1,600/month in CS plus $4K+ per year in one extracurricular activity isn’t enough, and that he’s not “jumping through enough hoops.”

    i’m told karma will strike … my question though is when?

91. April Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Wow. Just wow. LM I am so sorry it turned out this way. I had all my fingers and toes crossed for you.

    DW, I can hear and feel the pain and anger in your words. I have, many times, felt the same things you are feeling. I get angry that my kids are suffering financially (and so many other ways) because of PEW’s bullshit. I get angry that I have to suffer; I didn’t marry her. So many times that anger has been overwhelming.

    Remember why you love LM and his children. Take a step back, regroup and keep plugging away. You will figure it out, I don’t know how but I know you will.

    I am sorry for both of you. This isn’t right.

92. tracy Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    Blendfam:

    LMAO…you are trying to get a rise out of me, and you won’t do it; not here and not ever.

    Would you mind pointing out all my spelling errors in the comments above? Perhaps you never make a typing error due to the fact that you are typing a hundred words per minute..because I seriously doubt that you can; but just point out all of my errors to me, would you? Just for the sake of my knowing.

    The only thing I have to say to you about MY chemical imbalance, is that I will live with and manage my health thankfully and graciously, to not ever be the kind of person you have shown yourself to be in this dialogue.

    As far as the fostering is concerned, once again you are terribly misinformed. Do you honestly think that a social services system which is worth its weight in gold, would allow someone to foster a child without checking every damned piece of the person’s background? Perhaps that happens in your neck of the woods, but not here! Those people who trained my husband and I to become fostering parents, knew more about me than God!! I have one of the most genius psychiatrists in the fucking country! He’s been all over the world studying medicine and researching the field. HE wrote the letter that I was required to submit to our department of social services…telling them that I was not only capable of fostering the county’s children, but that I was also in an excellent position FINANCIALLY and mentally to adopt children. Throughout the 17 years that I was in his care, he learned about our finances, our homelife, just basically the kind of people we are…

    So once again you have assumed something about a complete stranger, and have totally gone over the top… and you are wrong on ALL counts regarding those assumptions. My husband and I are financially very stable people. For God’s sake woman, are you aware of the actual money that people receive as a stipend for taking children into their homes?????? Hell, I raised two foster daughters all the way through their teen years. I also did respite care for 10 other children throughout the years we fostered. Not only was EVERY DIME of the MINIMAL monthly stipend spent on our girls and them alone, we also pretty much broke our bank as we spent OUR OWN MONEY on the girls. Soooooooooooo, once again you have proven yourself here before the world, to be an ass. MY taxpayers dollars were at work for raising OTHER people’s children. And I don’t know what the hell YOUR taxpayer’s dollars were doing through those years. My daughters are in college, paying their own way through college as a result of the care they received from me.

    Let me remind you that the reason I mentioned the word chemical in the information I gave, is that I knew you being the fool that you are, would come back with something mean and hurtful about me if I only mentioned the words “mental illness”. If you only truely knew the painful experience of being an intelligent and insightful person who just happens to have a mental health concern, perhaps you wouldn’t have been quite so harsh in your comments to me regarding my stability, my finances….ha, or my spelling errors?

    I dare say that with all the pain I have suffered in my young life to strive to be well and healthy and whole…you couldn’t make a pimple on my ass for mental wellness. Let’s face it, if you can come on here and say the horrible things you have said to all of us, then YOU are the most mentally unstable. And the sad part is, you won’t get help…you won’t seek to be a decent human being. You have proven that over again with each comment you make here.

    So, I’m LMAO because I know that you will come back with something even more hurtful, even more judgemental, even more crude…on your next comment. And, if you don’t, it will only be because you wish to prove me wrong on that thought…LOL.

    I’m not the loser here…LOL

93. Terrapin Flyer Says:
    August 11th, 2009 at 8:02 pm

    I’m in a same/similar boat, but one step away from jail. My child support was “imputed” when our divorce was final. I was unemployed then, and am still seeking employment. The amount was imputed from earnings from my last job, and $$ taken from our 401k to survive. I tried to get my support reduced, showing that I was worse off now. Nope, that didn’t work. Instead they tacked on another $100/month for arrearages. So I’m up over $2k now, still looking for some way to make a living, and wondering when they’ll toss me in jail. Due to debts & a foreclosure, my credit is shot. So any employer checking that turns me down cold, even if I’m the best candidate for a position.

    The ex walked away with a bundle of cash, but wants even more. God I wish I could meet my obligations, and I’m trying, but it’s not enough.

    The system is seriously fucked.

94. blendedfam Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:59 am

    TRACY ~ I was right!! You’ve been taking government $$$ for foster kids!!! I needn’t say more.

95. johneycage Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    # blendedfam Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:59 am

    TRACY ~ I was right!! You’ve been taking government $$$ for foster kids!!! I needn’t say more.

    SO WHAT!!!
    How much is that, like 7k per kid? Show me one GUY who is a NCP with a good paying job paying less then that? The GOV says, “all you need to raise one of our foster kids is 7k, BUT if you get divorced and make 100k a year your gonna give (let’s say) HALF of that to your wife for CS.” How does a system Justify taking 50k from someone and calling it CHILD support

    I am a single parent and receive no CS. PEW lives her life how ever she wants to, and frankly I don’t want her money. That being said I have always felt that CS should be caped at the amount that the state pays for its own children.

96. blendedfam Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    The STATE has children??? I didn’t think the STATE could have sex.
    If Tracy had adopted “her daughters,” she wouldn’t have been able to keep collecting the gov’t cheese.
    In my state, foster care payments range from 350-500 per month (depending on age) PER CHILD and the child also has their medical and dental fully paid for, plus child care costs and assorted other expenses.
    Hmmm, Mr M is complaining about how much $400 is for TWO kids, and everyone seems to agree.
    So, which is it? Is it a minimal payment, or is it really a decent amount to receive?
    You guys seem to talk out of both sides of your mouths.
    And, Tracy, if you spent SEVENTEEN YEARS with a shrink, you must be seriously F’ed up.

97. tracy Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    BlendedFam: Once again you have proven what I and Mister-M said is true: You are misinformed and don’t have a clue, AND without tact.

    Did you not read what I said? MY HUSBAND AND I HAD NO NEED FOR THE STIPEND WE RECEIVED FOR THE CHILDREN WE TOOK IN!!!

    And, once again, I don’t know what they do in YOUR state, but in MY state their was no extra funding for government cheese, as you so eloquently put it.

    Talking out of both sided of our mouths are we? THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE UP TO HERE. Lady, not only are you ignorant, you must not be working today…is it your day off or something? Because today is my day off work for the first real time in 2 weeks!

    $400 a month is NOTHING to feed, clothe, have extra-curricular school activities…and the list goes on. The girls I raised were not up for adoption; due to the on-going battles that social services had with their biological parents and other pieces of information which is none of your damn business. In fact, not any of the information I have given here is any of your business.

    See, this is the kind of person you are, you say things to strangers, in order to get a rise and learn new information which can assist you in your next comments to get a rise. You’re good at this, and I pity the poor children who had to tolerate the likes of you.

    So by your most recent ignorant comment to me, you are saying that I should have just taken in children who I didn’t help create, as a charity gift to their abusive and neglectful parents? Is that what I hear you saying? Just because my psychiatrist wrote the letter that I was able to adopt, doesn’t mean that our department of social services always sent us adoptable children. YOU KNOW NOTHING AND YOU A BITCH, AND MOST EVERYONE ON THIS SITE THINKS SO….so, what are you doing today? Shopping, hair appointment, soap operas, gossip with friends like yourself?

    Oh, and you failed to inform me of all the many spelling errors I made above, when you referred to me as illiterate. I’m waiting????

    Poor excuse for a human being who is supposed to have a heart and mind working properly. As for my 17 years with my psychiatrist of integrity, I wasn’t ill or “fucked up” as you call it during all that time. When a person takes responsibility for themselves, they take whatever advice or medications needed to manage their good health; similar to a diabetic who must take insulin, while checking with their medical doctor regularly. Oh, but you wouldn’t know about people who seek to take responsibility in life. If you were half the woman I am, or the others who visit this site, you would be able to look into a mirror and see yourself for the idiot you are coming to us as in these dialogs.

    You know, everything I’ve said to you here is something I would have no problem whatever saying to Mister-M’s Psychotic Ex-wife….but, as with you, it wouldn’t do a bit of good…because borderline personalities don’t think they have a problem.

    Good luck with your misery…

98. tracy Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    BlendedFam ~

    Just so you don’t have to bother looking up words or grammatical corrections, let me help you with this last post of mine:

    Because I type fast:

    I meant to write, “Talking out of both sides of our mouths, are we…”

    AND,

    “YOU KNOW NOTHING, AND YOU ARE A BITCH…”

    There, now you’ll only have to go back and look up the other many mistakes I have made with spelling, grammar and the like…you’re welcome…LOL
    You enjoy using the workd “travesty” quite a bit. That’s it, that is the best word yet for you: You are a travesty! LMAO

99. tracy Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    Let me help again: “…the word travesty…”

    Damn those fast fingers of mine….LOL

    ASS!

100. blendedfam Says:
     August 12th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

     Tracy, ask your shrink to up your meds.

     PS: I’m not listing out every spelling error (I have better things to do with my time) and the fact that you can’t find them makes it even funnier.

     “So by your most recent ignorant comment to me, you are saying that I should have just taken in children who I didn’t help create, as a charity gift to their abusive and neglectful parents?” You said you “gave of yourself” for the foster kids, but neglected to acknowledge that you TOOK as well. And you say I’M ignorant.

101. tracy Says:
     August 12th, 2009 at 2:58 pm

     BlendedFam for Mister-M:

     Mister-M, please forgive me for using so much space to speak to this,…you fill in the blank. I pray you are not set up on your site in a way that you can be overcharged. I would speak with her otherwise, but she fails to offer that information.

     BlendedFam: When Mister-M spoke of $400 being a good amount, he meant because his Ex-wife only keeps and pays for their chidren half of the time!!!!!!!!!
     I kept and paid for our daughters full time: the one graduated from highschool sooner than the other, and whenever her stipend ended, we kept feeding and clothing her. We kept buying her gifts on Christmas and birthdays, or she would have had none!

     Mister-M is correct in saying that $400 per child is a good amount, when his Ex-wife only cares for the children half of the time. When they are in her care, they eat cheaply, the television babysits them…and the list goes on.

     Thank you Mister-M ~ I have learned alot from your site; and as you can plainly see, I am understanding how dealing with a borderline personality disordered person can cause you to want to pull your hair out. Though, I had a “friend” who is borderline…I use the term “friend” lightly because, well, you know
     I tolerated her for over 30 years…all the way through gradeschool; I suppose because she did begin as a childhood friend. Finally, I said, “NO MORE”. So, before I came to your site and began to read those months ago, I already had experience in coping with borderlines…many years.

102. tracy Says:
     August 12th, 2009 at 3:01 pm

     BlendedFam: Peeing my pants, you are so funny. I TOOK the children into our home and loved and cared for them as I would my own child. This is why I spent our money on them as well. I did not TAKE from my children…I gave my everything to them.

     As for the spelling errors, I KNOW what they are or are not….Laughing my ass off…I just wanted to see if you knew…and, obviously you have nothing. SO funny…must suck to be you….ha, ha, ha, ha

103. blendedfam Says:
     August 12th, 2009 at 3:16 pm

     Tracy, you don’t KNOW what takes place in PEW’s household. You are only hearing ONE SIDE of that story. I’m fairly confident that PEW would have a different story to tell. You also SAID you didn’t NEED the stipend, but you certainly cashed those checks!! Please.

     IF you do the math… let’s use my state’s foster care financial assistance amount. Let’s say LM has 1 child under 12 and 1 child over 12. $500 + 426 = 926. Divide in half for 50% custody time = 463/month. That’s STILL more than LM was ordered to pay.

     Besides, have you forgotten that LM received (between severance and vacation pay) the equivalent of 12 weeks of pay when he became unemployed (roughly 3 months’ worth.) After the first week or two, he was eligible to collect unemployment. So for the first 2 1/2 months he was unemployed, he actually brought home MORE than when he was employed. Why would that not factor in when setting the support amount? His income had actually INCREASED temporarily, before dropping to just the unemployment levels. Had he been in less of a hurry to file for a support modification and taken a look at the BIG picture, this may have dawned on him. Let’s work in round numbers just for the sake of ease… 6 months employed, 3 months of severance + unemployment, and 3 months of unemployment for 2009. Really, it all averages out to pretty close to even on a 12 month schedule.
     Of course, the LAWYER won’t tell him this, because she would have lost out on the $4K in legal fees!!

104. Mister-M Says:
     August 12th, 2009 at 3:32 pm

     Blended, your ignorance is showing again.

     The court clearly can do whatever they want.

     I will explain some things a little more succinctly one more time to you to demonstrate your ignorance of the reality and promise you that from here on out, I will delete further misrepresentations of my situation by you.

     #1 - PEW was entitled to an increase during that period of time. I disclosed to her each and every single time I received each subsequent payment, and she never filed for an increase. That (should be) her loss. Even so, the amount I’m forced to pay for the foreseeable future is well in excess of what the increase would have been over that time period, we did the calculations.

     #2 - I was not guaranteed the severance and couldn’t afford to NOT act quickly. Why? In the past, I have been burned on severance packages. Yes, even those in writing. Further, in the past, my experience (and the experience of most FATHERS) is that modifications are retroactive only back to the date filed. So, had I not received the bulk of the severance in May, my downward modification would have only been retroactive to the date I filed… at least 3 months after the actual date of layoff. I did look at the “big picture” and was faced with a catch-22… wait or file. I chose to file because guessing wrong would have hurt the household.

     #3 - The application of “salary averaging” is usually relegated to seasonal workers whose salary fluctuates with weather, change of seasons, and ups and downs in employment. This is clearly a misapplication of those guidelines.

     #4 - Regardless of what I made in the beginning of the year, what I make now isn’t that. Averaging the income from the first half of the year and applying it during a period of time when it isn’t there is financially detrimental to the household and the well-being of the kids. Spin it however you wish. As of today, PEW brings home approximately $1,000 in pay more than I do. When I was doing that, I was paying. Now when she is doing that, I am still paying.

     An intelligent person as I’m sure you consider yourself, cannot begin to justify taking what amounts to food and utilities for the month out of the household where the children reside 50% of the time and giving it to the other parent in a situation like this.

     Finally, I didn’t secure legal counsel until well after my early mistakes, and according to the guidelines, this shouldn’t be the end result. But even she can’t fight “judicial discretion.” As Schott’s previously said, I should have (and would have if I thought it was worth it in the SHORT TERM) fought it, at least insofar as having the judge put his ruling on the record on the off-chance an appeal was affordable or warranted. My choice to just sign-off on it precludes that now and the court can say, “I didn’t misapply the rules, Mr. M signed an agreement of his own accord.” And they would be correct. Shame on me.

     So, you characterization of my attorney, who has gone above and beyond in the past to SAVE me thousands in legal fees, is grossly off the mark.

     Screw up your assessment of my circumstances again, and I’ll be sure it disappears whether you or anyone else likes it or not.

     Thank you for your consideration going forward.

105. Hadtoomuch Says:
     August 19th, 2009 at 9:10 pm

     DW and Mister M, it is like My fiance and I are living your lives…lol. My fiance lost his job also in March, we have 50/50 custody of his two children and HE IS STILL having to pay her the same amount! Now, she is complaining that this is not enough and trying take him back to court. I really believe she has a chance to get more too because of what he made last year! When not only do we (I say we because at this point I am paying it too because of job loss) pay support but provided school supplies, uniforms for school and they live with us half the year so all of their basic needs here. I am sorry that this happening to you both and can honestly say I understand, I am living it. I what to change things in the legal system so bad about fathers and their rights. I have been trying to find ways to change this or even start going about it, to stop the continued abuse by users of the system and the courts allowing it. Have either of you checked into changing or adding laws that could fix some of these problems with the system?

106. cb Says:
     August 25th, 2009 at 9:57 pm

     Mister M; Seeing how much you are on this spouting your frustration and anger why not apply that to looking for a career. Here’s a kicker for you! While i was prego; i lost my job. I called up every contact i had and got a job a month later. Yeah, i sent out probably 100 resume’s that month and heard from maybe 3; but you do what you need to do. Plus to top it all off; I was working full time while my crap of a boyfriend for 6 yrs worked under the table and took up another girlfriend. We split up when my daughter was 2 1/2 months old; now we are going to court. He could possibly get child support from me cause in essence he’s got me by the balls. Claiming he watches her while i’m at work. I don’t want that option but he know’s i am tapped out financially and can’t afford daycare cause i pay for everything. He’s a deadbeat who hangs out in the bar all day claiming he’s watching his daughter; when she is really with grandpa. Plus he works under the table so i can’t get crap out of him. I buy all the clothes, food, diapers, insurance ect. He has a college degree who chooses not to work; and he has the audicity to try to come after me for support. And to add insult to injury; he has moved in with the new girlfriend now that her husband has commited suicide because of the affair living off his life ins (yes, it does pay out after suicide) and social security for his children. So i hate to tell you this put your big boy pants on and suck it up. You’ll get another job; just start using the energy that you are exploiting her to your job search.

107. Mister-M Says:
     August 25th, 2009 at 10:16 pm

     CB - why do people like you come on here and think I haven’t done that? Because I don’t spend fully all of my waking hours per day just job searching?

     Were you “preggo” and laid off in THIS atrocious economy? If so, God Bless you for finding a job “a month later” because there are hundreds-of-thousands across this country who simply aren’t able to pull off the miracle you apparently have. Pick up a newspaper and check out the latest unemployment figures, genius.

     I’m sympathetic to your plight, assuming it’s even true, I guarantee you that. A bad parent is a bad parent is a bad parent. However, when I hear stories like yours where the ex has a college degree, is working under the table, is sitting at the bar drinking all day while leaving the child with grandpa, all while living off of his girlfriend’s ex-husbands suicide life insurance benefits and social security… and every other single thing you listed above, I can’t help but start to smell a heaping pile of bullshit.

     It’s simply too easy to prove what you claim regarding him and do something about it, especially for such glowing perfection of motherhood and parenthood and employment that you appear to be.

     Move along… we’ve seen your kind before and frankly, you’re hardly believable.

108. jatc Says:
     August 28th, 2009 at 2:39 pm

     Mister-M,
     Grow up and quit your whinning. Focus on what is important… your kids. I can’t imagine that if they were living with you, that you would have fewer expenses. Kids take money to raise and they are entitled to support from both parents. PEW’s pay is irrelevant. Only your’s matters. Now, I agree, if you both have them exactly 50% of the time, both provide 50% of clothing, incidental, medical, and other necessary expenses, then yes… no one should pay the other child support. But otherwise, there should be some burden shared. Just because you imagine the PEW should be able to survive with the kids on her salary alone, this doesn’t entitle you to decide you no financial responsibility to your children. Since when did a PEW EVER opt to foot the whole bill for kids while you live life the way you choose with no responsibility for your kids. You are not paying for your X you are providing for your kids… period. It should not matter what she chooses to do with the remainder of the money she makes that she doesn’t spend on her own household and for the children. If she’s lucky enough to have a job, why should she and the kids go without because you shoose not to contribute. She is entitled to her own income too.

109. jatc Says:
     August 28th, 2009 at 2:42 pm

     By the way… you have spent several months worth of child support fighting it/paying court costs and for a lawyer when that money could have just gone to the kids this whole time.

110. Mister-M Says:
     August 28th, 2009 at 5:01 pm

     JATC… welcome to the group we like to call here “the misinformed ignorants.”

     #1 - In our state - both of our incomes matter.

     #2 - We’re 50/50 shared custody. In fact, I have a shade more than 50% of the custody at 51.24% to be exact.

     Therefore, the rest of your blathering on is irrelevant because you don’t even know the facts of this situation, clearly. Other than it makes you look like an idiot.

111. Liz Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 12:08 pm

     Mister M-
     I’ve been checking out your site and I’d have to agree with the other users…if you put 1/10th of the effort forward that you’ve spent creating and maintaining this site into finding a job, maybe you’d be employed right now. Also, why do you get so upset when people point out that we’re only hearing your twisted point of view? The fact is…it’s a little scary that you have spent a year writing all these articles about your PEW….doesn’t that bother DW at all??
     Liz

112. Liz Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 12:29 pm

     BTW…I know your PEW and she found out about the site from your son…because you’re ALWAYS on it…and yes, he read it….good parenting!!

113. Mister-M Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 12:31 pm

     Liz, permit me to point out a couple of things for you.

     #1 - The “other users” to whom you refer are a decided minority of overall visitors to our site. Further, and it’s easy to see in what they post, they very often don’t have the “facts” as I’ve presented them (and for your benefit, I put the term FACTS in quotes to demonstrate my understanding that readers only have my version of events).

     #2 - Those “other users” - of which you are one, oftentimes just make stuff up as you go… like the allegation that I get upset when people point out that they’re hearing only my “twisted” point of view. I have always and repeatedly acknowledged that they are ONLY GETTING one side of this story and it’s up to them to believe it in whole, in part, or not at all.

     #3 - One of the classic things those “other users” say is that “…if you would only put forth the same effort in your job search as you put into this site…” - which is about as mindless a retort as I’ve heard here, as if the writing that I do here takes much effort at all.

     The reality for #3 is - if I put the exact same effort into my job search as I put into the site (let’s not even say “half”) - I would never find a job. It doesn’t take very much effort at all. Like everything else here, you can choose to believe it… or not.

     I’ve spent more than a year writing about my experiences… not “about PEW.” That’s something only a PEW would believe. In addition to writing about my own experiences, I also write about a number of other grim realities about family court, among other issues I find important to discuss, as do the readers.

     It doesn’t bother DW at all if you’ve read any of this site, but like the few “conscientious objectors” that have passed before you, my guess is you haven’t read a whole lot.

     I hope I’ve answered your questions satisfactorily.

114. Mister-M Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 12:58 pm

     BTW, Liz… that’s not how she found out about it, but then, I understand that as one of PEW’s advocates, you would believe the lies she tells.

     I do have to give you credit, though - at least you stepped up and didn’t hide behind your agenda and allegiance and chose to come right out and say so. Most people wouldn’t.

     That’s not to say that he doesn’t now know about it, though, because much like everything else, such as court matters, legal issues, and parental disputes - she violates the orders by sharing inappropriate things with the children - something I simply don’t do.

     Go on believing and supporting her, though. It’s people like you who fuel her ongoing fury.

115. DW Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 1:02 pm

     Really Liz? She found out from her son? They why would she have to consult a child psychologist to determine if she should tell him about it? Umm, because HE DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW ABOUT IT. SHE told him, we know, now you can all try to come up with a different cover story.

     And if you care about the kids at all, tell her to stop getting them to be her “spies”, it’s fucking sick. Let them be children for God’s sake.

116. admin Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 1:14 pm

     Also “Liz”, he couldn’t read the site at our house, because he’s not allowed on the computer without us, unlike yours, errr, I mean PEW’s house, where he can look at whatever he wants, including Porn. Good parenting!

117. Liz Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 2:02 pm

     Really? OK thanks for clearing it up for me…I’m so sorry. Speaking of lies…who filed 3 petitions recently in CS? Who has intitiated MOST of the litigation in your case? Who spent $4k on an attorney while claiming not to have any money for S1’s Orthodontia? And BTW, you’re hot? In what sense of the word? PEW is NOT the crazy one here…you two are.

118. Jae Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

     If this is PEW it probably violates low contact by responding to her obnoxious posts.

119. admin Says:
     August 29th, 2009 at 7:35 pm

     Jae, you are correct. Of course Liz still has her “facts” wrong, as is typical of PEW’s that rewrite history to fit their argument. Anyone with access to the court records will see who has filed what, and we are most certainly not responsible for the majority of filings, and the things we did file, like contempt issues, PEW was clearly found guilty, so we were right in filing them.

     As always, none of this will be about the children for a PEW, it’s all about them and how they’ve been wronged. Which is why this site was started, to share with others that have gone, and continue to go through the same things. “LizPEW” will never be convinced to do what is right for her children, because it would include things that aren’t in her own best interests.

     Just in case anyone else is in this same situation, it is the RIGHT thing to do to ask for a modification of child support when you lose your job, I’m 100% certain PEW would ask for an increase in child support if she lost her job, of course “irony” isn’t in her vocabulary. Contrary to popular opinion amongst a lot of “single” moms receiving child support, it’s not only right to take more when your ex is making more, it’s right to take less when he is making less, just as you would if you were still married. It’s time to end the sense of entitlement some mothers have when they get divorced.

     And just for the record, I am divorced, share custody 50% with my ex, and have never taken a penny in child support, because it’s not right. We put the kids first, not money and arguing.

120. Liz Says:
     August 30th, 2009 at 8:16 am

     DW -
     does this sound familiar “LM, I would be happy to drop the CS, you just have to pay half the health ins ($25) and your portion of the childcare ($120)-PEW” to which LM responds “No, I will file formally”…and BTW the reason you don’t get CS from your ex is because you make about double what he makes genius. Does he know that you make $100k/year? Poor guy….that is what makes this site sooooo hypocrytical..you both pontificate about how men should be entitled, yet there is your ex?? It’s not about what is fair…it’s about your vicious hatred of PEW….LM hates her because she left him…you hate her because you believe everything he spews. Instead of putting your talents and energies into this, why don’t you start a site that will actually help someone? cure cancer or something..this can’t be healthy for either of you.
     Liz

121. Bob Says:
     August 30th, 2009 at 12:15 pm

     Liz,
     If you are the PEW, I feel sorry for you….I think it’s a little scary that your ex husband saved 13 years worth of stories and emails and Instant Messages. Have you considered a restraining order? Normal people don’t do this kind of thing. The fact that he saved personal IMs between the two of you when you were married, in itself, shows “Extreme Emotional Disturbance” on his part. I may be able to help you..please contact me at bwbobbo@gmail.com.
     Bob

122. Carolyn Says:
     August 30th, 2009 at 9:44 pm

     PEW, I mean Liz, I’m wondering how you know how much DW’s ex makes per year? Have you ever even met him? What he just called you up and told you how much he makes? What does he do? Where does he work? Or is this another situation where you just pull something out of your ass? It doesn’t make sense, have you met him? From what I’ve read on this site, this seems to be a situation where you just make things up to fit what you believe. LM and DW have proven what they write about you by putting up actual emails you’ve sent them, and actual transcripts and voicemails, I wonder if you can do the same. For some reason I doubt it. You seem more concerned with calling people names.

123. Jill Says:
     August 30th, 2009 at 10:13 pm

     Liz - I find this comment interesting:

     “And BTW, you’re hot? In what sense of the word?”

     In this email you sent you say DW is attractive: http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/pew-harasses-the-entire-family/ and now you say she is ugly? I guess it’s another one of those BPD things, whatever fits your argument at the moment, you use. When you want her to be on your side, you compliment her, and when she chooses the obviously normal side, you call her names. Classic BPD.

124. liz Says:
     August 30th, 2009 at 10:28 pm

     Carolyn(DW),
     I know what he does for a living and he’s not making 6 figures doing it…not in this lifetime. DW and LM don’t PROVE anything with the emails and transcripts…let’s be clear on that. It proves that LM is a weirdo and you know it. And Jill (DW) ummmm she has a nice figure…and she’s 10 years younger than LM….the figure and age are about all she has going for her…and the 6 figure income. The personality….pure evil.
     Liz

125. ImOver Says:
     August 31st, 2009 at 11:45 am

     Wow Liz/Bob you guys are awesome. I feel so bad for you because I know what troubles you go through. All you want is what is in the “BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN” and that is not to have their father in their lives because he is so evil and dangerous. You are a hard working “SINGLE MOM.” You need to have his money to support your kids in the way they should be supported and he should not be able to have any “VISITATION” to his kids because you are such a great parent and he is not. You can provide everything to the kids as long as he gives you “MONEY.”
     You are AMAZING! and if you do not see the sarcasm then you really need to get some help

126. rj Says:
     August 31st, 2009 at 3:23 pm

     Bob,

     What I find amazing is that he HAD 13 years of stories, emails, im’s etc to save. Even I don’t have that, and my ex is nuts.

127. Star Says:
     September 3rd, 2009 at 7:44 pm

     Wow, i just read about half way down through the posts and now iam scared. My father has custody of my 2 kids, while i have custody of my youngest. I am taking him to court, once again, to try to get visitation enforced. When he received custody i was ordered to NOT pay child support. So he went and got on welfare, with welfare they MAKE you take the non custodial parents to court. He didnt even show up. So, no i pay 488.00 a month child support. When i was working i was only making 1200.00 a month. That was before taxes. Now that iam laid off from my job for good, iam asking for my child support to be adjusted. At least untill i finish with my degree. Their father has never paid any support for our 2 girls, and is hiding in another state to avoid paying. They based his amount off of min wage. and mine off 10.00 an hour 40 hr week. I really feel for you. When i had my girls i never pushed for CS from their dad. I just told him to be a dad to them and i would sign him a receipt saying he paid. He couldnt even do that. I really feel for you. I so agree with you about the courts.

128. Witness Says:
     September 10th, 2009 at 8:42 am

     LMAO!!!!!

     It’s just gets richer and richer. Just one thing I don’t understand, Liz/Bob…..why not just register as “PEW” if you’re going to blow your cover in your first few posts? “Bob” was kind of a silly touch, too. No “Bob” involved in a divorce from his own PEW is ever going to choose the PEW’s side….ever.

     What should be a sad situation for three families trying to hang on and cope through all kinds of problems, threats, hatred, lies, vindictivness and utter lunacy is becoming a true comedy of errors.

     Give it up, Liz/Bob. Do what’s right (and ordered) and get on with your life. Just stop the torture already.

     Sincerely yours,
     Witness

129. admin Says:
     September 10th, 2009 at 9:40 pm

     What’s really amusing about PEW saying she’ll stop child support, but then not doing it, AND trying to force the braces issue, is that if she just did the right thing and stopped child support based on LM’s current income, he would be able to help with braces. Shocker! If the rules were actually followed, the kids would be taken care of! But PEW would rather take money that isn’t hers, away from the children, so they suffer. Ah, but at least her hair and nails will be done this month.

130. Todd Says:
     September 26th, 2009 at 12:36 pm

     Write you representatives in government. Get the laws changed. Unfortunately the only answer.

131. Kate Says:
     October 5th, 2009 at 7:04 pm

     Sounds like what my husband and I went through today… Our PEW (who has 2 B.S. degrees in social work) is consistently making less money and is now working a $13/hr job at a vet clinic. The courts think that is perfectly fine, AND that because of this, she is entitled to more money. Since her daddy is a doctor and she grew up never having to work and always getting her way anyway, she LOVES using the system, because, just as you have pointed out through your many instances, it’s designed to be a free hand out to the “poor mommy” who doesn’t want to be accountable for the welfare of her family.

     The judicial system is an absolute joke, and the people who have never had to deal with someone that insane can’t judge anyone for keeping 13 years of correspondence. When you are forced to have daily/weekly/yearly communication with someone who LIES and is BI-POLAR (and yes, this is more than just an opinion in our case), you have to cover your ass… We keep every single email too.

     If you haven’t been through it, you cannot form an opinion… AT ALL.

     Good luck to you two… I completely feel for you, and am glad I stumbled across this site… Even if it just proves that my husband and I aren’t the only ones going through this…

132. newwifey Says:
     November 4th, 2009 at 2:26 pm

     Liz/PEW whoever you are, for your wellbeing and the children seek professional healthcare. The kids need to be kids and not tortured emotionally like you are doing. I bet that you don’t understand or see it that way, but truth in kids grow up and they will see it like it is, and they will end up hating you for what you are doing right now. End the madness, get help not just for you, but for your kids.

     Carolyn/DW- keep your boundaries set. LM married you and you married him. Unfortunately it means taking on the PEW and all her mind games. Don’t let her into your life. Shut the door on her antics as much as you can. You are 100% correct, your kids have paid more than you will ever be able to see. It is so freakin fustrating dealing with the system and PEWs… I am in your boat as my husband has a very crazy PEW. I have her blocked from any and all access to me. She went on a manic mode one day and sent over a dozen text messages telling me to stay away from her children…. yeah ok wtfe….

     LM- have you thoght of talking to a new attorney??? Seriously… this is a cancer… if you were told you were going to die wouldn’t you get a second opinion??

     Keep the kids and their wellbeing a priority. DW- make sure you kids get priority time too. I am willing to bet that they do. Ignore PEW on here. When people with BPD get called on the rug for their actions, they tend to change the facts (aka lie their asses off) and try to put the blame on the ex spouse. My poor husband gets blamed for his PEW bouncing checks all over Alabama!

133. Second Wife Says:
     December 17th, 2009 at 7:22 pm

     WOW. Just found this site and your story is exactly like my husband’s. EXACTLY. It’s a sick and wrong system.

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