The Psycho Ex Wife

Have your own psycho ex? Get a FREE Report on "Why Co-Parenting Doesn't Work", or learn how to win child custody with a custody coach.

Given the rather significant change in circumstances that was pending, I contacted my attorney and asked him to float a custody proposal to the psycho ex-wife’s attorney.  THIS time, I wouldn’t make the same mistake as I did in the fall of 2004.  I would account for the summer.

Dear PEWAttorney1,

As per our telephone conversation, I write to confirm that LM has accepted a change in jobs and will be relocating to [home-state].

We would propose a modification of the custody schedule as follows:

• During the school year, LM would have the children every other weekend with PEW having primary physical custody.
• During the summer, LM would have primary physical custody commencing one week after school ends with the children being returned one week prior to school commencing in the fall.
• PEW would have one additional week of vacation of her choosing.

As for the holidays, alternate Easter weekends with PEW having the children in 2005.

Alternate Thanksgiving weekend (defined as Thursday through Sunday) with LM having the children in 2005.

Alternate Christmas (defined as Christmas Eve through Christmas Day) with PEW having the children in 2005.

Mother’s Day weekend with Mother, Father’s Day weekend with Father.

LM advises that the distance is approximately 3-1/2 hours and would propose that the parties split the driving by either meeting half-way or by one party driving to pick-up and the other party driving to drop-off.

Finally, I have spoken to LM about the matter of child support and he is getting together the necessary financial documents which I will forward to you as soon as I receive them.

I look forward to hearing from you at your convenience.

Sincerely,
LMAttorney1

Yeah, looking back, it’s kind of weak.  Still.  Anyway, I expected a counter.  What I didn’t expect was that it would be so ridiculously restrictive as to be completely worthless in terms of a settlement.  The PEW was a pathological persuer of conflict and she had an enabling attorney to whip her into a frenzy.

Dear Mr. LMAttorney1,

I have reviewed your client’s proposal with my client.  The proposed schedule is too onerous for the children.  PEW will agree to the following partial custody with your client:

1. Two weekends per month.  One in [home-state].  One in [custody-state] at the father’s expense.  If father would like a second monthly visit in [custody-state] to be with one of his local family members, PEW will assist with the driving.  As for the one visit in [home-state], PEW will meet half-way in one direction work schedule permitting.  LM is to provide transportation solely for the other visit.  The visit to [home-state] must be Friday to Sunday as Saturday to Sunday is too much traveling for the boys in too short a time period.
2. The summer shall be shared 50/50.  If this is acceptable, we will discuss a schedule.
3. If our client’s can agree on a basic custody schedule, we can fine tune the holidays.
4. Based on your client’s history, PEW will insist that a custody order include a provision for monthly drug testing as this move means the children will spending extraordinary time traveling in a car.  We can make this provision apply to both parties if LM would like.

Based upon our previous conversation, it is my understanding that LM will be adding the children to his health insurance after 90 days of employment.  Based on this, PEW will temporarily add the children to her health insurance policy.  I remind you that this cost will be $276.00/month.  Be advised that PEW will have to seriously alter her work schedule to accommodate LM.  If she loses her job as a result, there will be no health insurance and support will have to be adjusted until she can find new employment.

Very Truly Yours,
Asshole Attorney

With terms like that, why bother having custody at all, eh?  What a joke.  It would have been less offensive for them to respond on the firm’s letter head, “Our response to your custody proposal is NO.”

Dissecting the response to demonstrate how ludicrous it is beyond the surface text:

Item 1:

They expect that I will agree to something that will become a court order that will, in part, require me to impose upon my brothers, who themselves have families and lives to lead.  So, that part is impossible.

The driving “assistance” must have been conceived by an imbecile.  For visits that would take place in [home state] she would “assist with the driving.”  Ummm… if I have to come all the way back to [custody state] THERE IS NO ASSISTANCE WITH DRIVING THAT WOULD BE AVAILABLE TO ASSIST WITH! So, she put in a provision that would require her to do - nothing.  Good for her.

The primary motivation behind taking the new job and relocating was due to the financial strain I was under with a $1,400+ per month support order that was forthcoming.  So, in order to make things more difficult, I would have to bear the expense of hotel and eating out for 2-days and 2-nights during my mandatory [custody-state] visit.  No, being cooped-up in a hotel room for the weekend wouldn’t be “too onerous on the children.”  What a loon.

Keeping in mind, her current job at the time had her working 2nd-shift Friday nights and back-to-back double-shifts Saturday and Sunday.  So, when she says “schedule permitting” for assisting with the one-way driving for the one permitted visit to [home state], her schedule wouldn’t permit it at all!  Perfectly idiotic.

Zero concessions there.

Item 2:

The summer will be 50/50 and if I agree to that, we will discuss a schedule.  Can you say, “billable hours?”  What the hell would there be to discuss, exactly?  Further, it’s not enough that she has primary custody for fully 9-months of the year, she can’t even relinquish primary custody to me for the not quite 3-months that make up the summer.  The only thing should could have done to be a bigger bitch about this was to say, “no.”

Item 3:

IF I agree to their basic custody schedule, we can “fine tune” the holidays.  What the hell is there to fine tune?  Did I ask if anyone reading knew of the term “billable hours?”  It’s a rather basic, standard holiday custody schedule and they were prepared to nitpick the shit out of that, too.

Item 4:

No shot.  I actually verbally agreed to it, but told them that they would have to bear 100% of the costs of the testing and I would be the one choosing both the test method and test facility.  Needless to say, they didn’t go for that.

As for her closing statement, I actually heard a rumor that she was going to be taking a new job working regular hours.  If you’ve been following along, she only worked this job and this schedule as leverage to win the custody war.  She said all along that afterwards, she was going to switch to a regular job and put the children in daycare.  I will post soon about her taking a  new job at the same time I was and making good on that threat, too.  Her plan worked to perfection, God bless her… and she played everyone of the professionals in the system like a seasoned fiddler!

It also meant that the whole dramatic “alteration of schedule” and possible “job loss” was complete bullshit, too.

We had researched case law that without any ambiguity, supported the custody request I  was making.  Mom gets primary during the school year.  Dad gets primary during the summer.  Of course, the same should be applied with the genders reversed, which I also suggested but was turned down, unsurprisingly.

Some 2-weeks later she made a new overture about settling the custody matter.   I had enough of floating proposals on anything, so I emailed her saying…

If you have a proposal, please have it drawn up and sent to my attorney for review. Sorry, but given past mind-changes and alterations/changes made (by you) after agreements between you and I had apparently be struck, it is simply the only way to proceed.

She sent me a proposal that was no different than the one detailed above. I kid you not. So, in an effort to wrap this mess up, I offered three scenarios on a “take-it or leave-it” basis and then I would just go to court because I did still manage to believe that I had a good chance of getting more than the shit they were proposing. Here was my last attempt:

PEW,

Scenario 1:

My preference would be to have primary physical custody of the children during the school year and you to have primary physical custody during the Summer. If that is something you would agree to, just reverse the following two scenarios. If it is not something you would agree to, please consider the following two scenarios.

Scenario 2:

1) I get the boys every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night, beginning March 11th.

2) In the Summer (after school ends), you get the boys every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night.

Effectively, you have primary physical custody during the school year, I have primary physical custody during the Summer.

Scenario 3:

1) I get the boys every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night, beginning March 11th.

2) After S1’s school year is over, the following Summer schedule is proposed:

- 6/26 evening until 7/3 evening with Father.
- 7/3 evening until 7/10 evening with Mother.
- 7/10 evening until 7/31 evening with Father.
- 7/31 evening until 8/7 evening with Mother.
- 8/7 evening until 9/4 evening with Father.
- 9/4 evening we revert back to school year every other weekend schedule with you having primary custody.

Effectively, you have primary physical custody during the school year, I have primary physical custody during the Summer.

Our current holiday schedule would remain the same with some tweaks necessary for days/duration.

If you agree to none of these, I will simply understand and we will have to find out what happens in court. I will not engage in a back-and-forth and back-and-forth with you as we’ve done in the past because that hasn’t worked. I’ve offered three very reasonable scenarios. I don’t need you to reply about who you’ve talked to and what they’ve said about who will win what. A simple choice of a scenario or a polite refusal to accept any of them will suffice, please.

~LM

Needless to say, there would be no agreement. We would go through another custody evaluation (CE2) and have several hearings before the matter would be settled, if you can call it that, again.