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That was our rule for a long time, but we sorta drifted away. We used to tell them not to bring anything with them because they wouldn't need it.

They would invariably want to bring a stuffed animal or their favorite blanket, and we didn't want to make the transition from one house more difficult by depriving them of "comfort" items like that.

Stuffed animals turned into new shoes, which PEG would then bitch to high heaven about when they returned to her. "Their new shoes are RUINED with scuff marks!!!" Okay, rocket scientist, how about you not send them to our house in their brand-new church shoes if you don't want them getting the shoes dirty??

New shoes turned into PEG's old purses.

PEG's old purses turned into my jewelry box.

*sigh*

The more I think about it, I feel like my gut reaction not to have things being brought to and from each house was the best solution.

DH is still so upset that he’s actually sick to his stomach. We talked to his mom about cancelling our vacation plans to her house at the beach. We don’t want to deprive them of their time with her, but she agreed that a vacation is a reward, and they don’t deserve rewards right now. We briefly toyed with the idea of her coming to our house to visit, but I don’t really think that’s fair to her, either. She likes to spoil them rotten, and she wouldn’t feel comfortably spoiling them right now after what they’ve done. She did offer to be the “outsider” and talk to them to see if she could ascertain if there were any underlying issues going on here (stealing for attention, etc.) that they wanted to talk about.

When I called the police on son because he was out of control and I didn't want to beat him, the cops told me that I should beat his ass. (PEW also called the police when son hit her and the police from a different locality asked why we didn't beat his ass for it).

If I were DH, I would strip their rooms of everything fun for a few weeks, then give things back little by little. Also, I would search them EVERYTIME they plan to leave the house for any reason.

I have 3 stepkids ranging in ages from almost 5 to 9. It is NOT difficult to make sure that kids this age arrive and leave with the same stuff. I say this with all the sympathy in the world- IT IS NOT DIFFICULT and anybody can do it.

The kids walk in from PEW's house. Anything that is not clothing (toys, jewelry, etc) goes into a bag next to the washing machine. Then they change into clothes from our house and bring them out to the laundry room, where we have a small hamper specifically for clothing from PEW's house. I check to make sure they each have a shirt, pants and underwear (except for SS7- PEW hasn't bought him underwear in almost 2 years) in the hamper, as well as socks if they were wearing anything but flip flops. I wash the clothes and they get folded and go back in the hamper until the kids leave. Shoes also stay in the laundry room for the entirety of their stay.

If you can't remember everything they came with, keep a checklist.

If PEW complains that the kids are ruining their shoes at your house, buy them shoes to wear at your house.

I read about all these issues with belongings going back and forth between houses, or kids refusing to part with a stuffed animal. You are the parent- enforce your parenting rights! The day one of my stepkids tells me they refuse to let me put a toy from PEW's house away is a cold day in hell. My house, my rules. I'd rather go through the steps I've listed than to a) risk them stealing something, or b) have PEW harass DH with nine thousand emails talking about how SD4 didn't come back with her cheap-ass $2 plastic earrings.

Guys, this is just the saddest thing ever. We just got the kids back and gave them "the lecture." SD5 admitted that she took the jewelry and put it in SD9's purse. We asked her why she did it, and if she understood that we were going to assume SD9 took the jewelry because it was in SD's purse.

That kid looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I was trying to get her in trouble."



We asked her why, and she said, "Because she's mean to me."

We addressed that behavior on so many levels, but guys... this is a mini-PEG. It's heartbreaking. This child watched PEG and PEG's whole family attack me at a custody exchange and then lie to the police and say that I started the whole thing to try to get me arrested for something I didn't do. They set me up for a crime that I did not commit in front of these kids. The girls knew those people were lying, and that they were lying about me to try to get me in trouble for something I did not do because they were mad at me.

And now SD5 thinks that when she is mad at her sister, she can do something bad and set her sister up to take the fall for it.

PEG: "Please keep in mind that SD5 does not have the reasoning skills to steal. She is not being malicious merely 5. Just teach her to respect others belongings. She Does not know the value of jewelry or money yet. Enjoy them!

DH: "SD5 told me that she put the jewelry in SD9's purse because she was trying to get SD9 in trouble. She said SD9 was being mean to her. She may not know the value of the items, but she clearly knew that what she was doing was wrong. She was being malicious. I have addressed this and other problematic behavior, and they are being punished. They will call you tomorrow."

PEG: "she is five that is normal behavior."

I'm gonna go with... no, it's not. Spilling the milk and saying she doesn't know how it got knocked over? That's normal. Breaking her sister's toy and saying she didn't do it? That's normal. Fake-crying for attention? That's normal. Dropping a hulking deuce in the toilet, not flushing, and then blaming it on the dog? That's actually pretty normal for SD5, too.

Opening my bedroom door, walking to my jewelry box, taking several piece of jewelry, sneaking back into her bedroom, stashing the jewelry in her sister's purse because she was mad that her sister was being mean to her, and then waiting patiently for her sister to get spanked when the purse was opened?

That's not.... umm... normal. I've never met a 5-year-old who could craft such an elaborate revenge plot and actually keeping the whole thing secret until it played out.

I love the anti-logic here, though.

First PEG sends an unprompted text announcing that SD5 had no reasoning skills and was not being malicious. PEG knows this because she is a mind-reader.

When confronted with SD5’s own admission that she was quite clearly being malicious (aside from her reasoning skills being shockingly advanced to plot and execute this plan to get her sister in trouble), PEG completely reverses her tactics and enables the behavior by dismissing it as “normal.”

Children might not respect boundaries at that age, and they may have very little concept of “valuables.” They make mistakes, and they do things that are wrong and hurtful. But if you dismiss those mistakes as “normal childhood behavior,” it will eventually turn into “antisocial adult behavior.”

Omfg, you moron. Let’s give SD5 a cookie for all her efforts.

"Enjoy them!"

Fuck you.

Salamander, you just reminded me of SS talking furiously to (mostly) himself, saying that he was going to force some boys who were "mean to him" into girl's clothing---frilly dresses, skirts and makeup---and force-march them in front of other kids to humiliate them-- "get them laughed-at and hated", as he put it--like he'd been humiliated.

DF was horrified he'd even thought up such a scheme at his age; that level of revenge shouldn't be in his mindset at five. DF blamed his PE for this idea; maybe she'd threatened to put him in a skirt lately when he'd misbehaved.

At this point I can't blame PE for the details of the idea, but surely the concept of deep humiliation and slow revenge may have come from PE.

PE is a man-hater of the first degree and she's always made SS feel inferior for not having been born female. He says if only he were "Anna Ashley" (not the name he uses but similar for anonymity's sake) he'd be smarter/more capable/a better person.

These PEWs are an STD in the crotch of mankind and damn, I need penicillin!!

Kids can be very conniving at young ages. SD5 knew exactly what she was doing.