The Psycho Ex Wife

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Continuing from Part 3… This exchange focuses primarily on the events of the second custody evaluation sessions and a debate over who is bitter, angry, and dwelling on the past…

PEW:

LM, I am not bitter or angry. I am not trying to get back at you for anything.

LM:

But clearly you are. It was evident in the custody evaluation. It is evident with each new embellished or fabricated accusation. It’s clear in most everything you do or say. Out of one side of your mouth, it’s all about how I don’t help and how I am “not there” for the children and yet – you are fighting tooth & nail to prevent just that from happening in a capacity that is least disruptive to the children’s educations at this point. You talk and talk and talk and type and type and type and yet, you can’t (or rather won’t) resolve the huge conflict between your words and your actions. If there is one thing that I am angry about regarding the divorce – it’s the effect it has on the kids, which you have yet to take responsibility for. They had a loving home with two parents, you took that away from them as well as the only house they had known. I had no illusions about our marriage, I was there for the kids, not for you. As with everything else in your life, someone else is to blame so that you can play the “victim”.

PEW:

I couldn’t be happier to be rid of you, however you do make things very difficult for me where the kids are concerned. I feel bad for them that you “use” the kids because you are still angry about my filing for divorce.

LM:

Is that what you believe? You’ll notice that in the evaluation – you repeatedly attempted to badmouth me and “tell the whole (alleged) truth.” You were repeatedly stopped or otherwise interrupted by Gloria. How many times did she say, “that happened a long time ago, we need to focus today and the future” ??? Only you spoke of the past wrongs that have been allegedly perpetrated upon you during your marriage. I certainly wasn’t the one dwelling on the past and the marriage. I was the one dwelling on the children and their future.

PEW:

The years I spent with you were the MOST unhappy years of my life. The only good thing to come out of being with you are S1 and S2……

LM:

Hey, I understand your feelings. You don’t have to repeat them to me. You made that clear when you attempted, and then quit (again), marital counseling.

PEW:

if only you could put aside your anger and just help me parent them and stop wanting more more more for yourself.

LM:

That’s precisely what I am trying to do. Isn’t this the part where you tell me that I am the “greedy” one for wanting to spend the majority of two months out of the twelve in question with my sons? I can’t help parent them if you CONTINUALLY FIGHT my time with them. Or am I supposed to just be the disciplinarian over the phone so you can be the “good” parent you so strongly want to be? You want to be the one that buys them things, and then send them to the phone so Dad can reprimand them and correct them when they misbehave. That’s not parenting. You continually say, and so do ALL the counselors they have seen, that they need time with me, yet you fight me in court to take that time away? There can only be one reason for that PEW, it’s all about you and not the boys. It never has been about the boys with you.

PEW:

Always wanting things your way, which is the way it always was. I find your assertion that it’s “my way or the highway” hilarious.

LM:

You wanted me to sell the house. You ultimately got it. You wanted the car and $5,000 cash. You got it. You wanted to modify the custody agreement (twice) after we had worked things out. You got it. You wanted alimony to continue until we got our divorce decree. You got it. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, PEW. You keep deluding yourself into believing it’s the other way around. More classic projection on your part. Throughout this divorce, and it’s proven in court documents and attorney work product, it has been ME giving in on property settlement and custody agreements in order to end the fighting. That ends here. Those boys need me and I will fight for the time I am entitled to, and the type of parenting they need.

PEW:

You are the one who keeps bringing up the past by continually saying, I filed for divorce and what a terrible decision it was. It wasn’t terrible. THIS is terrible, but every day I pray that you’ll get over it and just be happy that you met DW. If she even “likes” you, consider yourself lucky and move on because you are NOT an easy person to get along with. God Bless her, the poor thing.

LM:

More distortions of reality, PEW. My reminders to you that you filed for divorce, are only to bring reality back to you when you, yet again, lay 100% of the blame for all of your problems at my doorstep. Like living in an apartment for a year - your choice for not taking the settlement. Driving the car – your choice over the van because you wanted that money. The list goes on. The truth is out there, PEW, you just need to face it. Someday you will be an adult and understand what your actions have caused and hopefully you will take responsibility when those boys ask why they didn’t see Daddy as much as they wanted to, it’s because of you. They will someday see the court documents and wonder why, when you say I’m such a good father and that they needed me, that you stopped me from seeing them. They will know the truth in time.

PEW:

I am waiting to go to court and whatever the judge decides on the summer and the school year, I’ll live with, but first I’m going to make sure that the “whole” story is told.

LM:

Right… and, as usual, this conflicts with your assertion that you are not bitter and angry, an assertion made in the opening of this very email. And what is the “whole” story PEW? Again, it’s you living in the past as you keep saying you are moving on. Mark my words right now, should the judge give me more time than you think I should have, for whatever reason, you will say the judge was wrong and was duped, because you can never accept that you are wrong and responsible. It’s a sickness.

PEW:

I want the kids to have a good relationship with you, but not at THEIR expense, or at the expense of their relationship with me because you could have been here in [custody-state], co-parenting, like a good father should, but this is what YOU chose, not me.

LM:

At their expense? Wrong again, not spending time with me is at their expense. But it certainly sets up your future victim stance doesn’t it? As soon as something goes wrong with them it will be my fault because I wasn’t there, even though I have been forced to fight to be there for them by their mother. Again, you will have gotten what you wanted only to find out it wasn’t what you could handle and I will receive all the blame, though you are the one stopping me from spending time with them. Also, it’s not at the expense of a relationship with you, PEW. You have a primary relationship with them and even if you would just stop fighting over nothing and agree to a reasonable Summer and school-year schedule, you will continue to have a primary relationship with them if that is what you want. Further, you continue to ignore the fact that we would be in the same situation whether I lived in the areas that were realistic options for me (and the children). We would be going to court over the summer (because Lord knows you wouldn’t agree to a reversal of custody during the Summer months regardless). However, acknowledging the realities of options not taken would mean you having to face truths that you are clearly not prepared to face.

PEW:

I got a divorce because you are totally unbearable and “over-bearing” to quote Sonya (CE1). Anyone who knows you, knows that it was the best decision I could have made. You need to stop dwelling on the divorce….it’s done.

LM:

You keep bringing it up, PEW, not me. Additionally, what you should have written was “anyone who agrees with and supports my distortions of reality about you” knows it’s the best decision you could have made. Those who don’t – you abandon. Counselors, friends, neighbors… anyone who questions your version of events is cast aside as “the enemy.”

PEW:

Please stop saying I am standing in the way of your relationship with the kids because I GAVE you 50/50 custody even though Sonya recommended 70/30.

LM:

No, you didn’t. You see, there is where you fail to accurately portray reality (again). Yes, originally, in December, we agreed to 50/50. However, you and your wonderful attorney modified the original agreement between us twice subsequent to that. Remember how you chopped out my every other Tuesday because of how difficult it was going to be ON YOU? This wasn’t my way or the highway, this was, as usual, your way or the highway. These are the things you do. And the reason that you did this was so that you could – yep, you guessed it – get more money! You modified the custody agreement saying, “I won’t go after you for more money” – and right there, in writing, in the middle of January – you filed for a modification of support! It’s all about you and the cash, PEW, and yet – you tell anyone who will give you an ear that that is my modus operandi. The truth is out there. You get what you wanted and then have the nerve to complain about the burden driving them to school was (the whole 10-15 minutes that drive was). Then, when I suggested a reversal because I would have no problem taking them to school EVERY day, you refused. Why? Because then you couldn’t portray yourself as the victim. Also worthy of note – Sonya recommended a reversal of the custody arrangement for the SUMMER – conveniently ignored by you? The only difference was that you would get 1 overnight the week of your off-weekend whereas I was only granted a dinner visit. That’s almost identical to my first proposal, by the way… since YOU bring it up. You never gave me 50/50 custody, the paperwork proves it PEW. I hope you don’t plan on spinning these lies in a courtroom. Spending time with both parents is what’s best for the boys, you’ve said it time and again, and as I’ve said before, you have yet to come up with a reason that you are fighting it. Again, it’s all about you and not about the boys.

PEW:

I gave you every weekend, and you asked for a weekend “off” from your kids. I gave you every other weekend when I didn’t have to. I keep you in the loop about everything. Then I was about to give this summer thing a try and I realized, “why should I, when I truly don’t believe it’s best for the kids?” Because you’ve proven, time and time again that you don’t care what is best for S1 and S2.

LM:

Laughable. Your delusions know no end. You didn’t “give” me every weekend. You worked that ridiculous schedule for a number of reasons:

#1 – To maximize your financial stream. The ONLY reason you changed your schedule was because I wouldn’t agree to give you 50/50 money when I was going have them 60% of the time at your original schedule. That’s a fact.

#2 – You worked that ridiculous Friday night and double-double weekend schedule to minimize the actual time you had to spend with the boys during week. Sure, it was all fun and games hanging out at your parents and down the shore all Summer. But one-on-one time with the kids was minimal at best and I imagine with both of them in school (S1 full time), you had what? A few hours 4 nights per week with the children? 2 full days with S2 and 3 partial? And most of those evenings you were at your parents. Talk about doing things that aren’t “best” for the boys.

#3 – I didn’t ask for a “weekend off from the kids.” I gave you a weekend with the children since you had so little actual wake-time with the boys during the week. So I traded you a single weekend per month in exchange for a couple of days during the week so that I could do homework things for them and take them to school once in a while in the face of your constant complaining about having to drive them each day. I specifically called it an “off-weekend” in exchange for week nights. Nice try to twist it up, though! Bravo!

PEW:

You are about to find out that your “Plan B” is going to fall through. You should have just taken my proposed summer schedule.

LM:

What “Plan B?” Call it what you like… my desire to spend meaningful time with my children is not a detriment to them despite your desire to make it so. If you cared about the kids and appropriate parenting from their father, you wouldn’t fight about this. But it’s not about the kids, it’s about your ongoing desire to control things and get back at me for the awful marriage you purport to have had.

PEW:

Again, I’m going to implore you to get some counseling through a good Psychiatrist. You need meds.

LM:

You need to take a good, long, hard look in the mirror, PEW. Keep projecting, it just proves your need for a diagnosis. Focus on the children. Focus on moving on with your life and stop dwelling on the past.

She should have been a fiction writer. I have known no one and hope never to meet another who can just completely create a scenario that seriously and significantly breaks with reality.  I have to give her credit for her relentlessness.  Even when I repeatedly return the volley with actual supportable facts, she just runs right through it onward to her next delusion.  The unmitigated gall of this bitch to be sitting in the position she was in daring to contend that all I wanted was “more more more” and I was the selfish one.  Holy shit!

It continues in Part 5…