The Psycho Ex Wife

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As we continue on from Part 2, the discussion continues on custody but also gets sidetracked by discussions regarding my alleged “deadbeatedness” - another break from reality. She starts by telling me that she’ll provide me the alleged receipts she was paying Mrs. JM for watching S2 for three half-days per week - a total of $160/week. Receipts that she would ultimately never produce.

PEW:

I had the copies of the checks to Mrs. JM and [childcare center] sitting on the table to give you when you dropped them off.

LM:

Okay. You can mail them or put them in the bag for the forthcoming weekend. I also have copies of the health insurance cards made and laminated. They are the same (one card for both boys) but I made two copies of it. I was going to just mail them to you.

PEW:

If anything I’ve paid way more than what is in the support order because of days off etc….for S1 when he can’t go to [childcare center]. I am also going to ask the judge that you pay for part of S2’s tuition for this year. Also, my salary is not going to wind up being $31000 for the year, so we might be going back to a support conference anyway. I have missed a lot of time with the kids being sick etc……not that I mind being there for my children. It’s just hard when you have NO other parent around.

LM:

For someone who doesn’t mind being there for the children, all you do is complain about it. So much so that even Gloria floated the idea of switching custody, which I would welcome.

PEW:

Listen, you don’t set me straight on anything with your emails. It’s all your little fairy tail in your head…everyone knows that LM. Nothing you ever write is true.

LM:

Documented facts say otherwise.

PEW:

That’s fine about the 25th, but I am not agreeing to the summer proposal. Not at all, you’ve refused to work with me, so until you have a court order.

LM:

6 revisions to the original request says otherwise. Thank you for the understanding regarding the 25th. I truly do appreciate it.

PEW:

You’ll have them for the two weeks you requested and every other weekend after that. I’m not in contempt of anything. You better talk to your lawyer before you start making threats.

LM:

I repeat, I’m not making threats. There is a court order in effect. There is an interim agreement for the balance of the school year which we both agreed to in front of the master. I am not threatening you. I am reminding you that there are consequences for taking a hard-line that is not in compliance with orders/agreements currently in existence. Remember? You asked for “no surprises” and “no underhandedness.” Again, doing so in the face of your combativeness to no benefit of my own.

This would end the 5th or 6th exchange. She lies about having receipts or canceled checks for Mrs. JM (because she wasn’t paying her anywhere near $160/week, if she was paying her anything at all). She ramps-up the projection, telling me that “nothing” I ever write is true. She thinks she’s entitled to an increase in support for time she misses from work. She (again) complains about having to care for the children.

The only good thing was that she backed-down in the face of me holding my ground on the upcoming weekend that was in question. The next back-and-forth…

PEW:

I’ve never complained about “being there” for the children. I’ve only complained that you are not there for the children therefore making it very much more difficult for US.

LM:

No, you complained about how much of a burden is was for you… a burden that would exist whether I was in [Neartown1] or [home-state]. [Neartown2] or [Neartown3]. [Neartown4] or [Neartown5]. A burden that exists because you wanted a divorce. As usual, your lack of foresight prevented you from understanding just how difficult life becomes for everyone involved when you make such a decision.

PEW:

There are no documented facts, just you and your ridiculous claims. Speaking of documents though, I can’t wait to go to court, because I have a few documented suprises for you.

LM:

I’m sure you do. While I want to focus on the future and the children, you want to focus on telling everyone who will give you 5 minutes to speak how awful I allegedly was during our marriage. Heck, even Gloria struggled to get you re-focused on the matter at hand and not complain about what happened a year ago or longer.

PEW:

And your revisions were ridiculous. You are ridiculous. I am the only one who ever made concessions, since day 1 which started May 1st 2004.

LM:

No they weren’t. Each time you created a new “issue” - I revised the schedule to accommodate each new roadblock. Each time, you would come up with something new after I gave up MORE meaningful time during the Summer, and then I would adjust again. That’s the reality. First it was the travel frequency. Then I adjusted. Then it was the time away from Mom. Then I adjusted. Then there were adjustments for vacations (normal). Then you requested adjustments that would chop more weekends out of the schedule. Adjustments for a Special Saturday. I mean, just as with most “negotiations” in the past - once I adjust to your latest “issue” - you come up with a new hoop to jump through. Then, you agree to my proposed Summer but “don’t want to make it a part of an official order” because you want to see how the kids adjust? Rarely do your requests amount to much more than superficial delays and roadblocks. As I’ve said before, I will say again - it’s a matter of “control” for you. There is really is nothing more (of major concern) that needs to be ironed out. If you agree to this reasonable Summer/School schedule, it doesn’t leave a whole lot for you to hold over me now does it?

PEW:

The court order that we agreed to in front of the master is for every other weekend. That’s it, that’s all….that is the court order…..and it was “temporary” remember? I was trying to be nice by letting you try that situation out first. I didn’t have to agree to that.

LM:

The agreement in front of the Custody Master was for the remainder of the school year so as not to disrupt the school schedule. That’s what we agreed to. And no, you didn’t have to agree to it, but the end result of that decision would have been “no agreement” and the existing order would remain in force until we had a modification hearing.

PEW:

Again, I can’t wait to get in front of a judge this time. You are not going to get every other weekend and you’re not going to get the summer proposal. You’re not. No judge would give that to you when you’ve been so irresponsible and cavalier no matter what Gloria puts in her report.

LM:

Perhaps not, but one thing is for certain, I’ve neither been irresponsible nor cavalier on any of these matters. That’s simply another one of those things you tell yourself and others in order to convince yourself you are “the righteous one” through all of this. I’ve been exceedingly responsible, from providing financial support, providing emotional support and remaining in constant contact with the boys (when you actually answer the phone or have them call me back when you’re not available when I do call). Your problem is that you can’t dictate all of things that I do and I am not there to say “how high” when you say “jump.”

If you would just wake up someday and decide that you are no longer going to be angry and bitter about the past and come to agreement on what is very reasonable Summer and School schedule, the overwhelming majority of “issues” are gone. However, that will leave you nothing to argue about and cry “victim” over, and right now, you don’t appear ready to move on.

I suppose court will tell what the ultimate outcome will be. Just remember, should I end up not receiving the schedule I have requested - I hope that when you sit down in the aftermath you will find that your efforts were worth it. That using the kids to “get back” at me was worth it. And when you’re whining about how I am not there for the kids and can’t help you and don’t do things with them - it will be because you fought to make it that way. Though that won’t be your version of reality - it will be reality just the same. What a total tragedy that you can’t think of the kids and agree to let them spend primary time with me for 2 months out of a 12 month year because of your bitterness. You never have bridged the yawning chasm that is the gap between your contention that the boys need me in their lives more - and your efforts to prevent it. You couldn’t do it in the custody evaluations. You can’t do it during our discussions (via email or voice). Your argument that it “needs” to be with me living in [custody state] is self-serving and has nothing to do with the children.

Are you exhausted yet?

She’s already prepared to dismiss Gloria’s report if it doesn’t go in her favor.  I can tell you this… Gloria had her pegged in our sessions and was really concerned (details later), particularly about Psycho-SIL living there.

The only other comments I’ll make here was to note her comment about “having documentation” that would surprise me.  After 5-years, not one surprising document has been produced.  There aren’t any.  Not a single police report despite her telling people that there were.  Not a single bad review at any workplace.  No police record.  Nothing.  To this day, though, she still believes a great many things that simply don’t exist… including all of these “documents” that show how awful a person I am.

Part 4 looms… and you’ll watch me repeatedly beg her to just stop the madness. Of course, you know now that it’s 2009, fully 4-years after this exchange… and she hasn’t. And she won’t.