The Psycho Ex Wife

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Back to the good ‘ole days…

Christmas 2001 was a surreal experience. The holiday was already an unmitigated disaster dating back to Thanksgiving. My grandmother had died and PEW saw fit to descend to new depths of disrespect and viciousness. It was pretty tough. I was dreading Christmas at the Dysfunction Compound (the in-laws) but we were going just the same.

The day was progressing innocently enough. That was, until S1 (3-years old at the time) was chasing a toy under the dining room table and smacked his head on a support. No big deal, a short duration of crying and no real damage done. However, one of PEW’s brothers (the most normal one) saw fit to use that situation to make fun of S1’s head and then subsequently his ears.

Remember now, since nearly the birth of S1, I have had to deal with withholding my anger at PEW’s family who are incessant verbal abusers of one another under the guise of being funny. I did (and do) my share of that with my own brothers. I’m sure it exists in most families. This is different. It’s mean-spirited most of the time and not done in true good humor. PEW’s sister and father (no surprise) were masters. Anytime I broached the subject with PEW, she’d have a near panic-attack and assure me that she’d address it. I believe sometimes she did and sometimes she didn’t. However, when no one in your family has any real respect for you, the effect was typically short-lived.

Now, we were all in the living room sitting on various pieces of furniture, I remember I was laying on the floor facing the dining room where S1 had just smacked his head, and PEW’s bro was tending to him. Truth be told, I have no doubt that PEW’s bro was not being malicious. That wasn’t the point. After the 3 comments about the size of S1’s head, and despite S1’s clear upset at it, he made fun of his ears. Twice. I watched the whole thing unfold.

I said something. First time ever.

I wasn’t outraged. I wasn’t loud. In fact, I was trying to be as discreet as possible given the holiday and the company. Low volume, hoping only he would hear it, I simply and calmly said, “Bro, please don’t make fun of S1 like that.”

He didn’t hear what I said and asked, “What?” It was as if someone turned off every noise in the room. I think I may have heard crickets. Still, I calmly repeated myself, “I just asked you to please not make fun of S1’s head or ears.”

Just as he was replying, surprised, “Oh! Okay. I’m sorry” and as he was turning to S1 saying, “Hey, little guy, I’m sorry for saying that.” All hell started to break loose.

PEW got the rage-face on and asked me what I had said as Psycho-SIL (PP) was listening intently to me respond, calmly, “I asked him not to make fun of S1’s head and ears. No big deal.” She began to lay into me about how rude and inconsiderate I was. I said nothing as I rose and removed myself to the kitchen. They followed me (PEW and PP). The volume started rising as the both of them launched into a high-volume, expletive-laced tirade about how it was the holidays and how could I embarrass Bro like that and I should have taken him aside (as if that would have mattered).

My voice rose as I bellowed back, “Everyone needs to calm down. This is no big deal. I made a request of Bro, he acknowledged it and apologized, and everyone needs to stop, especially in front of the kids!”

They didn’t stop. Right then, S1 comes toddling into the kitchen followed by PEW’s mother, MM. Uncharacteristic of her, she yells, too, with S1 standing right there, “All I know is that I can’t stand any more of this fucking bullshit and everyone better stop it!”

At that point, I had nothing more to say. I forget if it was PEW, PP or both of them - I was then ordered to leave. As I looked around the room and no one stepped up to say, “HOLY CRAP, THIS IS A COMPLETE OVER-REACTION” - I kept my mouth shut, walked out of the kitchen, donned my coat, kissed the boys, and left. I got in my car and I drove home on Christmas Day 2001 and spent it watching television alone…

…because I asked someone to stop making fun of my son.

I was ejected from Christmas! I was pissed beyond all reason, but the time alone saw that subside and I just decided that was enough. I wasn’t going to discuss the matter. Lo and behold, I got the silent treatment for most of the rest of the holiday season.

I can’t recall what precipitated this IMversation which occurred on 1/3/2002, based on my re-read, we must have had a serious discussion about things in the day or so prior to it which is when I likely broached the subject of bipolar disorder. Her older brother is diagnosed bipolar (treated and manages it very well last I heard). He had an episode or two a handful of years earlier. Her sister, PP, is diagnosed bipolar and generally was a complete uncontrollable mess during this time (untreated still as far as I know). Further, I had been researching it as the behaviors sort-of matched, and I was feeling like I was reaching my breaking point. So I confronted her about my suspicions. If you’ve read my post titled “When Psycho Sisters Attack“ - you’ll further understand the depths of my fears that these two primarily parent the children when in PEW’s custody.

PEW: got a minute
LM: Yep.
PEW: i just want to make sure before I make the appointment to see a Psychiatrist that we are on the same page
LM: k
PEW: so if the Doctor says that I am “normal”…..we can part ways….amicably??
LM: We’ll see.
PEW: well i need more than we’ll see……i mean that’s pretty much what you’ve been saying all along
LM: Sure.
PEW: sure?
LM: Yep.
PEW: i don’t understand what you are saying
LM: Sure, if you aren’t diagnosed with anything, you go ahead and file. I’ll have been wrong in my beliefs that it can be fixed and you do what you need to do.
PEW: well I can go ahead and file now…..
LM: You sure can.
PEW: the piece that’s missing is your cooperation
LM: There is nothing that I can do to stop you from filing.
—————

How much more “blessing” does she need? I told her to see a psychiatrist of my choosing. If after going through some meaningful therapy she was given a clean bill of mental health - I would give her a divorce.

—————
PEW: i need that so that I can get my half of the house and move etc…. i can’t move with NO money
LM: We’ll do whatever the judge says.
PEW: well I can’t get legal aid unless I move out
LM: Unless ordered by a judge, I will not continue to further bury the family financially.
PEW: i’m kind of in a pinch here
LM: Well, selling the house for you to file for divorce isn’t an option. Sorry. Borrow it from y
our dad or something. He’ll get his money back when the judge makes us liquidate.
PEW: well then i’ll have to move in with my parents. there isn’t any other option because I can’t get legal aid while we live together and it’s going to be a mess
LM: Sorry.
PEW: it’s a shame really. it’s only one month sooner than I originally said. what’s the problem
LM: Yeah, it’s a shame.
—————

Okay, now after all of these years of badgering me for a divorce, I essentially give her a yellow-light with a green-light pending, and she has a host of demands that I should just willingly go along with so that she can do it with as much ease and without financial burden as possible. Yeah, okay.

—————
PEW: why would you want to be married to a “crazy” anyway
LM: I love you.
PEW: well, I love you too, but #1….I am not going to married to someone who thinks I am Bipolar….
LM: IF you have an illness of some sort, you’re not “crazy.”
PEW: #2 ….I’m not going to be married to someone who is so unpredictable…..
LM: Fine.
PEW: #3…I can’t be married to someone who is at odds with my family
LM: Okay. I’m not at odds with your family.
PEW: you’ you’re not?
LM: Your family is at odds with me because they can’t deal with being told not to make fun of the children.
PEW: yeah. well listen…..I’m not going to the Psychiatrist because, the same thing will be accomplished by me moving in with my parents
—————

Yes, it sure will. Hindsight seems to indicate that you never should have left your parents home. Ever. Between wanting to move our family on top of them to always running and leaving to go stay with them, it was clear that’s where she wanted to be, though Lord only knows why.

—————
LM: No it won’t.
PEW: yeah…it will
LM: And be assured, you’re not moving in with your parents with the boys.
PEW: we’ll go to court….and a judge will decide. what are you going to do. you can’t stop me
LM: I’ll file for custody of the children, ask for an immediate judgement because I can’t have my children living under the same roof with an alcoholic.
PEW: well i’ll just tell the judge that you wouldn’t move out…..so I had to
LM: Nor can I have them exposed to the periodic visits from somebody who is suffering from a mental illness, is prone to violence and stalking, and has tried to kill herself
PEW: he isn’t going to take the kids from me because of my family
LM: Yes, he will. Count on it..
—————

Foolish me believing that would matter. Obviously, based on my post from the other day, none of the (3) custody evaluators, armed with that knowledge, even from PEW’s own mouth and writings… seemed to think that was detrimental to the children, so what the hell do I know?

—————
PEW: you’re prone to violence too. don’t try to scare me LM
LM: I’m not.
PEW: whatever happens ….happens…..i think you’re mentally ill…..i also think you are an alcoholic
LM: Now, this conversation is over. You have your answer.
PEW: so they are better off with me
LM: I refuse to argue with you anymore on any topic.
PEW: well….i’m moving to my parents house
LM: Okay.
PEW: you leave me no other choice
LM: I won’t be home for lunch. I’m going directly to the courthouse. Sorry, you leave me no choice.
PEW: well if you would move out for one month…..
LM: No.
PEW: it would save us both alot of heartache
LM: No it wouldn’t.
PEW: well then i won’t move in with my parents….i’ll take that discover card with the $15000 limit and charge an apartment
LM: If you don’t want to be near me, and your parents is the only place you can go… then you can go there when I get home from work for a month.
PEW: NO. i’m not leaving my kids. no way
LM: Nor am I.
PEW: you can move in with one of your brothers for ONE month
LM: Sorry.
PEW: while we sort this out. you are so mean
—————

There I am again. Mean old me, the big meanie because I won’t do as she commands again. Bastard!

—————
LM: No, I’m not. I only talk to you nicely at home. I’ve told you to do what you feel you need to do. And that is all I have to say on the matter pending a visit to a doctor.
PEW: well i’m not going because after that you’ll just come up with something else. you need the Psychiatrist
LM: Okay… bye-bye.
PEW: if you asked me for a divorce….you’d have it. the discover card it is then
LM: Good luck. It’s in your name. Don’t abuse it.
PEW: so what…i’ll get $30000 when the house sells
LM: You wish. We’ll take a bath on that, too.
PEW: i only need about $2500. no…we won’t. the house is worth about $230000. Plus i’ll get 1/2 of your retirement. both [401K-1] and [401K-2]
LM: lol
PEW: you’re a rotten person
LM: You’ve got it all worked out, don’t you? See ya.
PEW:not really
—————

Isn’t that interesting? Yet another example of how she has all the financials figured out while incessantly accusing me of “only being about the money.” It’s the fallback of many disgruntled ex’s. If you want the children, it must only be because you don’t want to pay child support. It must only be because you want to keep the house “for yourself.” Well, unfortunately, people can’t argue one side of that coin without considering that the other side of that coin has just as much merit. Mothers who want custody of their children must only want them because of the income… the assets… the cars… etc. Classic projection.

I said one sentence at Christmas and I’m the one at odds with her family. I got “thrown-out” of Christmas Holiday, but I’m the one at odds with her family. Half of her family had a meltdown but it’s me. That whole family is a pack of sick people.

Nice pick, eh? Pure genius.