The Psycho Ex Wife

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The Psycho Ex-Wife, as many regular readers already know, is the master of “everything is always someone else’s fault.”  This is not only for situations that are relevant to herself, but I see it in dealings with the children as well.  Even in the prior post about differing approaches to a disciplinary issue, there is an underlying theme of minor acceptance of the boys’ responsibility for their actions but something else precipitated it.  The boy that S1 made fun of for his weight issues is “annoying and nerdy,” for instance.  With regard to S2’s racially provocative comment to another child, she wondered “where he got that from.”  You’ll see more of this attitude in today’s post.

This situation did not see me contacted directly first.  I was copied an email that PEW had sent to S1’s teacher.

Hi Mrs. S1Teacher,

I was not sure the best way to reach you. I left a voicemail, so I figured I would email. I got S1’s report card and I saw that his reading grade went from a 96 to 82 and his writing went from 94 to 82. I don’t recall his grades ever taking a plunge like that so I was wondering if this was correct or a mistake? If it is not a mistake I wanted to set up a conference with you because obviously I missed something in this marking period. I do not recall getting any tests that were under a 90%. He did receive honors but I would still be very concerned at such a drop in his grades.

Thanks,
PEW

A mistake?  I doubt it.  I do appreciate the concern PEW has as I would have the same concern about a slip in the grades (and do).  While I understand that there is more than one way to approach any given situation, I’m not sure coming right out of the gate and suggesting the possibility of a “mistake” on the part of the teacher is the best.  Also, while I’m on board with finding out the details of the backslide, it is a slight backslide and we’re talking about Bs here, not Cs, Ds, or Fs.  I mention this now because PEW’s tone would go right to near full spazz in short order.  Also, I can’t help but get a sense of “not MY child” developing, even with this first email above.

I send PEW an email:

PEW,

If you get the opportunity, fax me a copy to [my fax number].

Most of the stuff I’ve seen and checked has been very good or excellent, too… save for 1 item I signed this past week.

~LM

The one item I speak of was a test that was a low score and several pages of the test were marked “0″ because none of the questions were answered.  During a busy evening where we had to head out for S2’s scout meeting, we quickly reviewed the tests & quizzes (which I’m required to sign) and we speak about going over them in more detail later.

Her reply:

LM,

Hi I can send it to you tomorrow, I don’t have a fax at home.  I hope it’s a mistake….if not I’m going to go ballistic on Mrs. S1Teacher.  Not to mention that she gives him all Ns for his conduct…which is crap.  He got honors again so I don’t see how it’s possible.

~PEW

I’m correct.  She’s already positioned herself to “go ballistic” on the teacher.  Yes, I would also be concerned with “all Ns” (needs improvement) on his conduct areas, because I know that I haven’t received any notes home regarding poor conduct and I’m assuming that PEW hasn’t, either.  While that certainly justifies further inquiry, preparing to “go ballistic” on the teacher is both childish and inappropriate.  I reply by writing simply, “The only problem I have is that if these are problems/issues - she hasn’t sent a single note home that I can recall.”

She responds:

LM,

exactly…I haven’t heard a peep from her since our conference….and it was not a very enlightening conference either….I felt like I was talking to the blackboard.

[She] didn’t respond yet….she’s way too busy and important to be bothered.

~PEW

While I found Mrs. S1Teacher to be what can best be described as a little “airy” for lack of a better term, I found her friendly, engaging, and seemingly excited about the work she does with the children.  Of course, PEW has a nastier view of Mrs. S1Teacher and my guess it’s based on her “not MY child” attitude.  After all, not only is nothing ever her fault, it would seem that nothing is going to be the children’s fault either.

Mrs. S1Teacher makes contact via email which PEW forwards to me:

PEW,

I was out of the building on Tuesday and with the delay on Wednesday, I did not have an opportunity to respond to you sooner.

S1’s grades in reading include 100’s, 92, 83, 85, 79, 79, 78, 92, 82, and 0. All papers, as they were completed and graded, were given to S1 to take home. The pages with the 0 were to be signed and returned which Mr. M did, but there was no evidence of S1 correcting his work as I asked him to do.

S1’s writing grade is comprised of his spelling average, his grammar average and his composition average. An 82% is the accurate grade for writing.

If you would like to set up an appointment for next week, I am available Tuesday and Thursday at 3:30.

Sincerely,
Mrs. S1Teacher

So much for PEW’s contention that “Mrs. Blackboard” was “too busy and important” to reply to her.  I can’t stand PEW’s nastiness.

One thing did strike me from the email, though.  I don’t recall ever seeing a “0″ on a test.  Now, short of sitting in your chair and just refusing to take a test, it’s hard for me to imagine any child not knowing the subject matter so badly that they would get every single question on a test incorrect.  Had I seen a “0″ on a test, I most certainly would have raised the red flags and seriously questioned S1 regarding what had occurred that he managed a 0 on a test.  The boys are very bright and very smart.  I would demand an explanation.  Also, I was unaware of any requirement that the children are supposed to correct the tests prior to returning them to the teacher.  That doesn’t mean that we don’t go over the tests, discuss the trouble areas, and work on understanding what was done wrong and how to do them correctly, but we’re half-way through the school year and this requirement for corrections is news to me.  When I was in school, we went over tests and made corrections in class, not at home.  (And besides, since I get a bunch of tests at one time, in a bunch packet, it would take quite a lot of time in addition to the regular homework, to go through a bank of 4, 6, 8 or more tests and do all the allegedly required corrections.)

Now, there are several possibilities here:

1. As the tests requiring signature all come home in bunches, there is certainly a chance that I missed it.
2. There is also the chance that the test wasn’t in the bunch sent home with the signature sheet and that my son, afraid of me seeing a “0″ - just didn’t want me to see it.
3. I may have mistaken that specific test as a page within a test that was marked with a “0.”

My guess is that there is a misunderstanding here somewhere.  Either someone is holding back the tests and there is a delay in them being presented to me/us from time to time, or the “0″ wasn’t a test in and of itself, but something within the test as I recalled.  It’s a bit hard to decipher from the email.

Still, if there was something as alarming as a ZERO on something so important, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for either PEW or I to expect a higher level of contact from the teacher.  A phone call.  An email.  A special note sent home.  That didn’t happen, but again, I need to understand the entirety of the situation before making an assessment in that regard.

Attached to that reply from Mrs. S1Teacher, are PEW’s increasingly angry words:

LM,

See Ms. S1Teacher’s note below.  Needless to say not only am I upset that SHE didn’t let me know S1 got a zero on a test, but YOU didn’t let me know.  Also every test that comes home needs to be corrected…did you know that?  you don’t just sign it and return it to school.  I know your busy writing your [column] and messanging on Twitter, but the kids homework and grades are VERY important.   S1 is capable of so much more and if you’re going to be too busy with other nonsense….it’s going to be a problem.

Both kids have been home sick all week.  Just FYI.  I have a meeting with Mrs. S1Teacher next week.

~PEW

Followed shortly thereafter by…

LM,

as of right now I don’t need to discuss it with you.   I asked Ms S1Teacher to send the test home, I want to see the test….I told her I cant imagine why a zero didn’t warrent a call home to ME….if it was sent back to school NOT corrected…it should have been sent home with a note and marked as incomplete homework…..S1 says he doesnt even remember getting a zero.  I will deal with the school about this…not you.As for the nasty attitude, have I ever called you psycho or crazy in any public domain??  What happens between you and I is not fodder for DW.  You’re not even married to her….she’s not their stepmother…..she’s not even nice to them.  As for her saying she’ll have another opportunity to have me arrested….no she wont….not ever.

No, she hasn’t found this place, though I sense she’s getting closer.  However, there is the hidden message, “I’m stalking you and DW again.” She did find a rare, very old comment that DW has posted elsewhere about a specific crazy goings-on that had the potential of occurring.  That was 6-months ago. It was one comment.  Plus, she doesn’t even have her facts straight.  I don’t write a column for the project she’s discovered.  Someone else does.  She assumes it’s me.  The rest of her assumptions are, not surprisingly, PEW fantasy.  You can see that the tone continues to be “someone else’s fault.”  And no, I was unaware of any requirement that the tests are to be corrected at home before being returned to school.  I’m very involved in helping the children with their work (some might consider too involved), but there was no note in the homework journal ever indicating this requirement, and frankly - it’s not one I wholeheartedly agree with.  We always go over the tests (as previously described) to work on the weak spots and understand what went wrong and what is the correct way to do things.  However, my opinion is that test reviews and corrections are the teacher’s job.  The kids have plenty of homework as it is.  Again, this from a parent who monitors things rather closely and believes all parents should within reason.

My reply to PEW was simple, “When you decide to take your nasty attitude and shelve it, I’ll be glad to discuss the matter with you.  Until then, I won’t.  Let me know how you wish to proceed.” And I’ve not discussed it any further with her since then (approximately 1 week ago).

To be continued with Part 2…