The Psycho Ex Wife

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Yeah, I guess we should have named this “Differing Approaches Month.”

In amongst the other issues I’ve written about this past week or so, I’ll add what was a developing bullying situation involving S2.  There have been intermittent run-ins with a boy we’ll call, Johnny McBully.  Johnny McBully has repeatedly assaulted S2 at various times during the school year due to what I understand to be inconsequential encounters.  McBully is a little bigger than S2 and acts out rather often.  The boy apparently has some behavioral issues and has a reputation both at school and at the aftercare program.  He’s a bit of a troublemaker.  These handful of situations (maybe 3 that I am aware of) haven’t been handled in what I deem to be a very effective manner.  The one for-instance I know of was a time when S2 claims to have inadvertently bumped into McBully in the line for lunch.  In response to this allegedly inadvertent bump, S2 was punched, kicked, and shoved to the ground.  Whoever was in charge at the time felt that moving McBully to another table for lunch was appropriate.  Me?  I think an assault like that warrants being sent home for a few days, no questions asked, but maybe I’m a little over-reactive, I dunno.  So, there’s your minimal background.

On Monday, January 26th, I picked up the boys from aftercare and asked them as I usually do, “How was your day today?” S2, looking forlorn, said, “My life sucks.” I asked him why.  He told me, “Johnny McBully again.” I was pissed.  S2 seemed so down about it and it made me very upset, though I didn’t show it.  I told him that I would handle it with the school and that I was unhappy with how things were handled so far.  In the meantime, I explained to him that whatever the story was, he had to tell me the complete truth (again) even if he did something wrong because if I approach the school and I find out the story is different than what he tells me, it would make any future situations very difficult to help him out with.   This approach is my effort to prevent “boy who cried wolf” situations from occurring.  It’s also my effort to make sure I don’t look like a complete jackass if I’m going to escalate the situation because my son set me up with misinformation.

The short version - during recess, S2 was playing with a friend and was approached by McBully and threatened.  Another boy intervened and defused the situation before anything physical occurred, but given how S2 was feeling many hours later at the end of the day, it was clear something more needed to be done.  I was not happy that my kid is going to school prepared to potentially have a run in with Johnny McBully.  I advised S2 to avoid McBully at all costs for the time being and that if McBully approached him for any reason - even a friendly one, he was to tell a teacher immediately that he wanted McBully to leave him alone.  Again, it stinks that I have to prepare my child for dealing with a bully as part of his daily routine, but it’s what needed to be done for now.

As I was pushing this to “urgent matter” status pertaining to the children, I informed PEW of what took place and that I was contacting the school about it the very next day.  Of course, PEW had to email the teacher and relayed the following:

LM,

Just letting you know.  I emailed Mrs. S2Teacher about S2 and this kid McBully.  She said she noticed that they don’t get along and keeps them separated as much as she can, but she is not at recess where most of the stuff is happening.  So I emailed Mrs. Principal and asked if maybe you or I could come observe at recess a few days to see what’s what.  Who knows, S2 is obviously letting himself get into the situations if he even gets close enough for stuff to happen.  I told him to stay away from McBully and he says he is.

~PEW

I did not reply. The next day, I did speak to the school’s guidance counselor. I called to speak to Mrs. Principal, but she was out of town on business, so I took the next person of importance after describing the situation briefly to the receptionist. Rather than give you a long explanation of our discussion, I will share with you the update I sent PEW which does it rather succinctly.

PEW,

In the absence of Mrs. Principal, I spoke to the Guidance Counselor, Mrs. Counselor. I laid out the situation about the ongoing and sustained bullying by Johnny McBully and our collective disappointment that whatever minimal sanctions that they’ve undertaken are clearly not effective.

She will initiate dialogue with Mrs. Principal upon her return and I will follow-up to see that’s happened (and if not, give the same schpiel to Mrs. Principal).

She also suggested that I call Mrs. Aftercareboss at Aftercare since some of these occurrences are happening there as well.

She will make an effort to see S2 today and see where his head is at. He was pretty upset yesterday, telling me when I picked him up at aftercare that McBully is “making my life suck.”

That’s where we stand at the moment.

~LM

It was a good discussion with Mrs. Counselor and I was fairly satisfied with her checking-in on S2 in the meantime. Then PEW sends back this delightful message…

LM,

Thanks for letting me know. I feel like calling the parents because I’m a crazy bee-atch or telling S2 the next time he touches him, to jump on top of him and just pummel him. I wonder where the adult supervision is when these things are happening. Mrs. Principal isn’t back until Thursday….I heard that from Mrs. S2Teacher.

~PEW

If only I could believe that she really believed she is a “crazy bee-atch.” And what is with her writing the non-word “bee-atch” to me on any matter, let alone a serious one? What is she? 12? Have I asked that question before?

I also appreciate her line of thinking. Yes, ordering our son to “pummel him” as a solution will help matters. Now, I’m no pacifist, but with the (usually) zero-tolerance extreme ways schools deal with some things nowadays, my preference is avoiding such situations if it’s reasonable to do so. I have no problem if my kid lays a beating on someone if it’s necessary to extract themselves from a situation where the absence of a beating to get out of it is “virtually” impossible. That should seriously limit the potential of their involvement in a physical altercation. PEW? Just get to the pummeling already!

What I wasn’t aware of, until after PEW forwarded me an email from Mrs. Principal, is that PEW also mailed her the same day she emailed Mrs. S2Teacher.

Mrs. Principal,

Sorry to have to contact you again about this, but all of last week S2 was complaining about Johnny McBully in his class again. Everyday last week when I picked him up, he was upset about some exchange between him and McBully. One day he said McBully pushed him and his back went into the thumbtacks sticking out of the board…another day he said McBully screamed in his face. Whatever is happening it’s having quite an impact on S2. I emailed Mrs. S2Teacher and she said she has noticed that they haven’t been getting along more than usual and does keep them separated as much as she can in the classroom, but most of the time things are happening at recess. I’m kind of at a loss and I’m thinking maybe I should come down a few days at recess time and see what’s going on. Maybe I can figure out where S2 is going wrong because I’ve already told him to steer clear if it’s that much of an issue and he’s telling me he is so I don’t know what else to do unless I see for myself.

Let me know what you think.

~PEW

Not bad. Not too bad at all. She even came dangerously close to considering that there is a possibility that S2 could have some culpability in the circumstances, however unlikely that may seem to be.

Dear PEW,

Thank you for sharing this information with me. I apologize for not getting back to you sooner but I was working outside of the district and did not have access to email. The icy weather negatively impacted travel across the state so I’m glad to be back safely!

Upon our return to school tomorrow, I will be meeting with the children and staff members involved to address this matter. In the meantime, I have contacted Mrs. S2Teacher in regard to this situation and she informed me that upon receipt of your email earlier in the week, she spoke to both boys privately and they shared similar concerns. McBully stated that S2 is bullying him and never wants to be his friend. S2 stated that McBully is not nice to him at recess and aftercare. She also indicated that she had no knowledge of any incident where S2 was pushed into a board with thumbtacks. In fact, she was confused as to what he was referring to because she doesn’t use thumb tacks anywhere in the classroom. She said that she puts everything up with tape or staples, including the hallway bulletin board decorations. Additionally, Mrs. S2Teacher tells me that she has not seen any major incidences with S2 and McBully in the classroom, nor have the Recess Assistants approached her about any incidents at recess. Nevertheless, she did speak to our guidance counselor Mrs. Counselor who will be meeting with S2 and McBully to discuss what is going on and help them with their conflict resolution and friendship skills.

Thank you for your patience and you can rest assured that I will follow-up promptly. Additionally, I will share the information/outcome with McBully’s parents as well as Mrs. Aftercareboss who is directly responsible for matters pertaining to aftercare. You can expect an update from me tomorrow.

I appreciate your ongoing support! Be safe in your travels!

Sincerely,
Mrs. Principal

To be continued in the Part 2 conclusion…