The Psycho Ex Wife

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Continuing from the previous installment…

I sent an email to Mrs. S1Teacher:

Mrs. S1Teacher,

I just wanted to let you know that I’m aware of the slip in grades for S1 in the Reading & Writing and I will continue to work on it with S1 on the home-front.  I did want to let you know about a couple of details that I think are being missed in the discussion:

- I was unaware that S1 received a “0″ on any test.  That would be alarming to me and I assure you that I either misread a test that was sent home and I signed, or I didn’t see the test at all.  Had I noticed a “0″ on any test, it would have raised serious red-flags for me.

- I do recall seeing a test that had several pages with “0″ on them, which I did sign.

- I review each test with S1 and we go over the areas where he had any struggles.  That said, I was unaware of any requirement that S1 was to physically make corrections to each test to be returned to school for review.

I do have a couple of questions.  Does S1 receive a packet of completed tests to bring home for review and signature or do you send them home as they are completed and graded  (individually)?  Your email seemed to indicate that the tests are sent home on an “as-completed/as-graded” frequency and I can tell you that all year long, I have typically received a bunch of tests in a packet for review and signature.  If they are sent home on an “as-completed/as-graded” basis, then that is something I need to address with S1 as it would appear that he is saving them up and then presenting them to me in bunches which would be a concern to me.

I would be interested in your thoughts on S1s slight backslide.  From the looks of things, I believe we can get him back on track rather easily, but if there are some underlying issues that are occurring at school, I would like to know what they are so we can remain focused on getting his grades back up to where they usually are.

Thanks, Mrs. S1Teacher.  I appreciate your assistance.

Sincerely,
LM

You see, before I can make an official judgment on where the disconnect occurred, I do my best to avoid confronting the situations with both barrels blazing.  Ask questions, make an assessment, and then act to correct the situation.  This was sent on Friday morning and I didn’t receive a reply before the end of the day. On Monday, I did receive a reply…

Dear Mister-M,

Thank you for your email and for your continued support at home.

S1 did not receive a 0 on a test. The zeros were on graded classwork. I told S1 that if a parent signed and returned the pages, and if S1 corrected/completed the work, I would re-assess the work. As we were dismissing at the end of the day, I double checked with him to be sure he had the papers in his backpack. He left them upstairs in the classroom. He went back to get them. The next school day they came back signed but there was no evidence that S1 had made corrections for me to see.

Work, including tests, is returned to the children as soon as it is graded. If there are 2 tests on a given day, like a spelling test and a science test, and both are graded over the weekend, then both are given back on Monday. Tests are never intentionally bundled together for a once a week signing. No school work is ever “saved” for a bulk signing.

S1 has remained consistent with his behavior since the beginning of school. There will be a day or two that he is focused, ready, participates in class and his work is of the highest quality. And then, there are many days when he is drawing on his sneakers, tuning out the lesson, and not following through, and he requires frequent cues and reminders to get back on task.

Sincerely,
Mrs. S1Teacher

Well that clears things up quite readily. And, while I still wish I had some alert sooner than the end of the marking period, at least I know how to direct my energies on these issues going forward. I sent her a reply…

Mrs. S1Teacher,

Thanks so much for the clarifications. They will help a great deal going forward. I may ask a favor in the near future if it’s not too much of a burden, but will see what my discussions with S1 yield mid-week. I’m out of town until Tuesday night and I will certainly chat with him on Wednesday and see what direction we can take on getting him refocused and remaining there.

I will start by noting any discussions we have regarding his requirements for that evening’s assignments in his homework book. I’ll keep them brief just so we can make sure you and I have the same understandings with regard to S1’s work.

Sincerely,
Mister-M

This is how something like this should be handled once you obtain all of the actual facts and not act on the bizarre interpretations of the PEW, who would rather prepare to “go ballistic” on the teacher rather than focus on what is important - getting S1 back on track from the “horror” of Bs and back to his usual high level of work.

Apparently, PEW did not get a response from Mrs. S1Teacher.  While not disclosing yet that I did, she sent me the following if I had asked if she heard from her:

LM,

No but I talked to Mrs. Principal today…Miss S1Teacher did not respond to my email about the zero..and she did not send it home with S2 like I asked. Mrs. Principal said that Miss S1Teacher said she spoke to me about, which was kind of shocking because I haven’t had a conversation with her since the conference. Mrs. Principal said that she spoke to Miss S1Teacher about the zero and Miss S1Teacher led her to believe it was regarding incompete work, not a test…so I said that in the email she sent me it said it was a page, which I am taking to mean a test that you allegedly signed off on….which she took as 1/10 of his grade….and now I am doubting anything she says. Mrs. Principal said she thinks that you, me, Mrs. Principal, Miss S1Teacher and S1 should sit down all at the same time so S1 knows we are all on the same page, because Miss S1Teacher led her to believe that the problem lies with S1 (which I’m not saying it doesn’t) however I told Mrs. Principal before we do that I would like Miss S1Teacher to explain the circumstances of how a zero was gotten and how it became 1/10th of the grade…before we talk to S1. I don’t want him to think he’s in trouble because he’s very smart and his grades are good…but I think he’s tricking you and tricking me when it comes to homework assignments and studying for tests…and completing assignments. I always catch him in lies when it comes to homework. He’s always telling me he has one thing, when he actually 3….he always tells me he studied and when I quiz him, it’s clear he didn’t. So we do all need to be on the same page where he’s concerned, but I don’t want him to think he’s bad because he’s not…he’s just lazy. His work is sloppy, his desk was a mess, when she sent me his stuff home when he was sick it was a big giant pile of trash that he was saving in his desk. No wonder he can’t make heads or tails out of what to bring home. Anyway…..to make a long story short, Mrs Principal is going to have Miss S1Teacher call me with an explanation about the zero tomorrow and then we’ll go from there. The original meeting was scheduled for 3:30 on Thurs, but I may have to postpone that. Miss S1Teacher seems to contradict herself…and I don’t know why she would tell Mrs. Principal she spoke to me, when she didn’t…and I don’t know why she would say you signed off on something that she can’t produce. We’ll see. I told Mrs. Principal that from what I’ve learned thus far, I’m thinking including the zero as part of his grade was not entirely fair…and I’m willing to work with S1 but I may come back to her and ask that it be changed after the fact (not that it really matters in fourth grade) but it’s the principal of the thing.

~PEW

PEW is hung up on the wrong issues here and it’s more of the same - “not MY son.” S1 got his grade because he is apparently disorganized, dishonest, and doesn’t do his assigned work. That much is clear. Still, she doesn’t want him to “think he is a bad boy.” Please. His work habits and organizational skills clearly need improvement and ongoing monitoring.  The bottom line is this - she’ll address anyone, everyone, whoever she can with the utmost show of force and involvement and blame anyone else she can… except the person responsible for his predicament.  Our son.  I’m not even sure if she’s addressed any of what has been reported by the teacher with him.  It’s a sad testament to the way she approaches everything as a parent.  She’s so focused on calling the staff on the carpet for inconsequential issues that she’s long since lost sight of the main issue.

I agree with the Principal’s suggestion of a group meeting and united front as much as I’m not looking forward to the experience as it involves PEW, I’m willing to give it a shot.  I make a weak effort to get her re-focused on the real problem - S1.

PEW,

Okay. I was sure there was some confusion as to whether or not it was an actual test. Even if she didn’t yet produce it, I did sign a stack of paperwork that included what you describe - some pages as part of a larger package that were “0″ because they were incomplete. So that much is true. It was on a scout night, so while we went over some of the stuff that was incorrect, we didn’t go over all of it. I told S1 to bring the paperwork back home after he showed Mrs. S1Teacher that I had signed it so that we could work on it together. That said, I was unaware of the assignment for him to complete it for reconsideration by Mrs. S1Teacher. It did not come back from school before the weekend of our last exchange.

I agree with Mrs. Principal that it’s probably best for S1 to see a full united front on this issue and that a meeting with Mrs. S1Teacher should include all of us so that S1 can’t “wiggle out” of the issue going forward. It would be great if we could make it this week. It is my thought that S1 is responsible for the situation. And while he has backstepped to Bs, I think that getting him re-focused will easily restore his work to As. That’s where our focus should be.

~LM

As for S1’s backslide, I wonder if this coincides with his recent disclosure about having a girlfriend, coincidentally about the length of time as the last marking period… or maybe his attention is lacking because he has too much exposure to late nights… WWE… too much video-game time at mom’s… or… his home life at one place or the other or both… we’ll soon see.

Oh, and I will very likely ask PEW what her efforts will include. I’ll bet, there will continue to be no limitations to the television (or types of shows they watch) or video-game time.

In any event, as of yesterday, PEW still hadn’t heard from Mrs. S1Teacher…

LM,

I still have not received an email or phone call from Miss S1Teacher Have you? I am postponing the meeting tomorrow because they wanted to include S1 in it and since she hasn’t answered my questions regarding the zero I’m not prepared to have S1 be part of any meeting.

~PEW

So, I sent her a copy of the email that opened this post.  She replied, but only to ask me if I would be available for a 3:30PM conference at the school today.  I am.

To be continued…