Dear Psycho Moms
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Just a little letter from a real mother, about the things you say that I hate, and that make all mothers look like idiots.
“I gave you time with the children” - Children are not yours to give. They are not property, they do not belong to you. You did not buy them at Macy’s. Children are people, that have their own feelings and their own rights. Your feelings are not their feelings. They may not want the same things as you. They have a right to have a mother and a father. You do not give your ex the right to see his children, he had the right inherently given to him when he conceived the child with you. You do not give him the right to speak to his children, or to participate in any area of their lives, it is their right to have their father in their life, whether you still care for him or not. Even if you believe he’s not the best father in the world, you had a child with him, so I guess I’d have to question how great a mother you are as well since you chose to sleep with him at least once. If you believe he is responsible for supporting his child monetarily, while denying him his right to be involved with his child, you are scum.
“You only want them so you don’t have to pay child support” - Any mother who utters these words should also consider that by saying this you also open up the line of reasoning that you want the children only because you receive child support. Beyond that fact is that child support is money that is supposedly needed to SUPPORT THE CHILDREN. That means the money given in child support is spent on the child’s needs such as clothing, school supplies, food and housing. Now, if a father has the children more time, that means his expenses for the children go up, so he is not saving on child support, he is simply spending what he would be giving you in child support on things that are now supporting the children in his home. Unless of course you were receiving more than you actually needed in child support and were using it to support yourself. All that means is you are a selfish, manipulative bitch. You should not accept more than your child needs, otherwise you are the one using the children for your own monetary gain.
“I’m a single Mother, woe is me” - Unless your ex is dead or abandoned you, and NOT because you fought him for custody or never told him you were pregnant, you are NOT a single mother or single parent. Your children have a father, that wants to be in their lives. If you cannot handle the time you have with the children, their father is more than willing to take extra time with them. He is more than willing to take care of them and have them benefit from all he has to offer, including his income, without you having to benefit from it. If you have ever denied your ex time with your children, denied a phone call, hired a babysitter or dropped them off with your parents or a friend instead of sending them to their father, you have chosen to act like a single mother to the detriment of your children. You are not a single mother. You may be a single woman, but you are not a single mother. Get over it.
Sincerely,
Sane Mom
July 10th, 2009 at 11:41 am
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I could forward this to our PEG
July 10th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Awesome! That is great! But as we all know that does not apply to any of the PEW’s because they are perfect.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I totally agree with the last one especially.
There was an episode of Six Feet Under where one of the characters was estranged from his wife (he cheated) and she said *to him* that it was tough being a single mother to two kids…and he replied that she wasn’t a single mother because he was there for his kids! If someone knows this scene better than me, please fill in the details!
I prefer the more honest term, when appropriate: divorced mother. It shows your status without implying anything about the father. It’s fair to everyone involved.
It’s amazing to me how people can be subtly mean with the use of little passive/aggressive phrases or outright digs by choosing certain wording.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
BRAVO! I couldn’t have said it better. Although I could add about 10 more to this list….
July 10th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
How about?
“I guess you don’t want to see your kids” - when you are working and she just wants to drop them in your lap because she has something to do. Oh, and the kids are within hearing distance.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
An absolutely fabulous post that I’m about Tweet the livin daylights out of for you. Thank you so much for sharing this.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Robert, Yes, but most say “divorced single mom” for a double whammy and more tears and support *rollseyes*. (Even though SHE most likely divorced him after treating him like shit for years.)
I could have added a lot more to the letter, but these are the three that I hear the most, especially in news stories, and they just piss me off to no end. Especially when the reporters completely fail to acknowledge that Dad has been fighting for custody from psycho mom and can’t even get a return phone call.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Well said! I’ve heard both that first and second statement directly from my BF’s PEG! Things like that make me sick - a father (should) have just as much right to be with his child/children as a mother. It is so sad, that unfortunately it doesn’t usually work that way. I give thanks every day that my ex and I do not go through things like this!
July 10th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
If I hear “I have always offered you reasonable options when it comes to the kids and my attorney agrees” I think I’ll puke. This post really resonates with me…
July 10th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
This is at the crux of BPD.
[the children and others for that matter] “….have their own feelings and their own rights”
This is the reason you see chronic and blatant projection. The inability of the BPD to separate his/her feelings underlies SO MUCH of their irrational and hysterical behavior and allows for the justification absolving them from all responsibility for their actions (…if I did it it is because you made me do it).
July 10th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
I agree with the last one. I am a single mom. I can honestly say that, not because he abandoned me cause I could care less, but because he abandoned his daughter. He was in her life til she was 7 then decided not to see her til she is 18, because of his girlfriend, and so far she has not seen her dad but knows she can cause I will not hold her from him, he has a right to see her, but he chooses not to, so that is his lose!
July 13th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Beautiful. My sentiments exactly.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:50 am
i agree except with the last one. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying you’re a single parent (minus the “woe is me”). at least where i come from, it means that you are unmarried and that -during your time (in most cases it’s 50-50 here) with your child- you do the parenting alone. it’s hard (and obviously at the same time very rewarding) work for any single father or mother being a single parent. i have never inferred ‘i’m a single parent’ to mean that you raise your child completely alone. shared parenting here is a given. now if they said ‘i’m {child’s} only parent’ then that’s different.
i hope no one jumps on my back about this. i realize maybe you’re talking about a different set of people who abuse this statement and do say it with the “weary-eyes” expecting a pat on the back.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:02 am
This letter needs to be sent to my PEG!! She does all of these things on a regular basis. She just dropped the son off at a babysitters house while she left town to go back home instead of bringing the son back to his dad 8 hours early like she normally does. She wanted to screw us out of time with the son but all she does is screw the son in this case. I love this letter and would love to send it to her. She needs to grow up and realize her life really could be bad. Favorite line, “You are a single woman not a single mother.” COMPLETELY TRUE
July 14th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Please add this one to your list:
“You were late with MY child support”; or “You don’t pay ME enough child support”; or any other variations on the theme of “I am entitled to MY child support”.
Listen, Mom, it’s not YOUR child support. That money is not for you. And oh, by the way, if you do not also work for a living, and if that money really is your only means of “income”, then I had better not see you with a professional manicure or pedicure, wearing designer clothes, or driving a luxury car — because you took money away from YOUR OWN CHILDREN to give yourself those luxuries. While I’m at it, if you don’t think that there is enough money in your household to meet your expenses, quit griping about it and go get a job (or, get a raise, or a better job, or some education… in other words, do something about it besides gripe). Finally, if I EVER hear you uttering those complaints about “YOUR” child support in front of your children — making those poor babies believe that their Daddy doesn’t take care of them — I am going to have to bitch-slap you into next week.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:50 am
to quote JB: “While I’m at it, if you don’t think that there is enough money in your household to meet your expenses, quit griping about it and go get a job (or, get a raise, or a better job, or some education… in other words, do something about it besides gripe).”
Interesting that this could be applied to our very own Mister-M!
July 14th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
@ what?
Mister-M wrote: On the job front, nothing new to report. Despite nearly 100 resume submissions and hundreds of total “contacts” - 2 phone calls. 1 interview. Other than that… *crickets*
On this post: http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/job-loss-update-060509/
He has hardly been idle on this front. I hope he will have positive news soon.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
@what - also, you fail to realize the difference between an ex wife complaining that child support doesn’t support HER, while Mr M is simply going after the child support that is owed his children, he is not requesting or demanding more than what is owed based on his income versus her income. The state says his children are entitled, so he is enforcing it, just as a mother would. We don’t believe child support in itself is manipulative, it’s when a parent uses it for their own financial gain. Trust me $400 a month isn’t going to pay even the groceries, he’s taking care of himself.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
yeah right, he’s just lazy, except when it comes to this blog. if he put half as much energy that he expends in this blog into finding a job, he’d be gainfully employed by now. but see therein lies the problem. he expends all of his (albeit a psychotic delusional obsession) energy on here like a mad scientist reporting every word uttered, every eyebrow raised, rewriting history to suit his needs (read: his needs=being the perpetual victim, getting attention/being the dominating person by attacking the alleged aggressor’s back, getting an emotional ‘high’ from it so much so that he needs that high now like a drug addict needs crack). it’s entertaining for sure but one must wonder about the author’s own sanity to be so obsessed beyond reason.
then there’s the issue of advertising on here and selling merchandise. so make up your mind, are you unemployed or self-employed, mister m?
wonder how you report that income to the court & govn’t if at all? man better be careful Mister-M, PEW could find this if someone had the know-how. hm i wonder who could figure that out..
July 14th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
@what:
I truly pains me that for nearly three decades, I dedicated my career to making computers easy to use — so that now even people with sub-marginal IQs can still go online and spew idiocy.
Specifically, what I said was “if you don’t think there is enough money in your household to meet YOUR expenses…” (emphasis added); it certainly seemed clear to me that I was making a distinction between the personal expenses of an adult, and the standard expenses of a child — who by all rights should be able to expect that BOTH of his or her parents will be willing to step up and meet his or her NEEDS.
Quite a number of divorced mothers enmesh their identity with their children and then find it difficult to distinguish between their children’s needs and their own wants. (I’ve not personally witnessed this phenomenon with divorced fathers.) Perhaps that is why you struggled so much with my original remark?
Child support is a stewardship. Right this very minute I can name you three different women that I know personally, who receive no income other than CS — and all three of them drive a brand new Mercedes and signed their kids up for free lunch at school. You’d have to be some kind of ethical contortionist to be okay with that.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
you call a mom that doesn’t work but gets CS lazy and that they need to get off their butt and get a job.
so what do you call Mister-M?
I hate to say it but 100 job applications? where is he applying? LOL. there are TONS of jobs available. it’s just that Mister-M has too big of an ego to be a customer service phone rep making 30K, right?
July 14th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
@JB nope JB not my situation, LOL but nice try. i don’t get CS. don’t have anything against single fathers–oops wait is that OK to say or is it only bad to say ’single Moms’? just checking. since you guys are the psychotic authority on this LOL. side-note: you guys are crazy, saying Single Father RIGHTS? start saying CHILDREN’S RIGHTS. It is the right of the CHILD to have both PARENTS in their life EQUALLY (barring abusive situations).
just think Mister-M is being a lazy substandard person and a psycho spending all his time on here when he could be doing something making decent money but that’s probably just too beneath him, right? he’d rather get 400 from unemployment, the rest from his ex, to provide for his children so he can sit on his butt in front of the computer obsessing about his ex and get bravo feedback that he so desperately needs to feed his psychotic addiction, therefore not needing to worry about how to put dinner on the table.
now go scurry to come up with some delusional response. cuz you know i’m right. mister-m could get a REAL job anytime he pleases. he’s just too damn obsessed to get away from his online little biz/”blog” LOL.
he’d be a decent (albeit again psycho) person if he’d go get a job even if he STILL needed CS bc he was making less than PEW. even then, that’d be respectable. what ISN’T respectable is what he is doing now. being a lazy person.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
LOL @ what…
Lazy? Trying to find a job in this economy is some of the hardest work I’ve ever had to do!
I’ll tell you what, what… you have my email, send me job listings offering $30K to be a customer service phone rep, and I’ll be HAPPY to take it! I swear!
You see, the problem you’re failing to realize is that I have to find a job that pays me more than unemployment. AND… lest we all forget… if I take job making considerably less than what I was making beforehand, the family court will sure as shit impute my income at somewhere near where I made before, charge me child support at that rate, and then I’m still going backwards.
One more point, genius… my unemployment compensation is already paying me equivalent to $30K per year, so even if I took the job you propose, PEW still will have to pay me child support (assuming my income wouldn’t get imputed, which is unlikely at this point).
Delusional response? Nope. Reality, smartass.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
RELAX, people… what’s beliefs, assuming they are something that isn’t simply referred to as “being a troll” - are predicated on the belief that I would prefer to be lazy and not find work as opposed to finding work and…
- Keeping our home.
- Keeping custody of the children.
- Keeping the cars running.
- Keeping food on the table.
- Keeping the kids involved in activities when we can.
- Keeping our relationship from being further strained.
Let “what” rant. It’s a grim reminder of the deeply held beliefs that someone would want to give up everything in life that is important to him just to be “lazy.”
July 15th, 2009 at 5:42 am
We’re not fooled….”what” is a PEW….
July 15th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Let “what” rant. It’s a grim reminder of the deeply held beliefs that someone would want to give up everything in life that is important to him just to be “lazy.”
She may be psycho, if your posts are true, but LOL so are you my friend, so are you! maybe more!
Yup, that you are! “good luck finding a job in this economy!” LOL are you KIDDING me!! go on monster.com RIGHT NOW and tell me there are not THOUSANDS of jobs available in your area. if you say no, you are LYING.
You’re excuses backpedal and make no sense MisterM! “even if i could…” SO WHAT?! so instead of working doing something to provide at least a little for your own kids instead of skimming off your PEW, you’re going to sit and wait for 4 years until the economy gets better in your opinion and that HIGH paying job appears out of the heavens. WOW does that sound Lazy or what?!
But have fun being a lazy @ss and not a real man like us fathers who go out and WORK instead of being glued to the computer. And i sure as heck hope PEW finds this site. I’m working on it!
Oh and what about the $ you make on here MisterM? you forgot to address that. You’d just lie anyway though LOL.
@Gypsy: LOL I AM A PEW? i’m not even a EW let alone a PEW, PEG, EG… I’m a REAL single father who doesn’t sit on his @ss hoping everyone else will provide for him til my opportunity of having it made in the shade falls in my lap. and i certainly don’t obsess over my PEW every minute of the day like MisterM does LOL.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Look at “What” failing to address any of the facts I put forward for “him.”
I don’t know if s/he is a PEW or a PEH, but whoever it is certainly can ignore the reality just like the rest of them.
I won’t re-explain the circumstances as I’ve already done so, shown what to be the misinformed idiot that s/he so clearly demonstrates and will continue to allow him/her to troll on.
Oh, by the way… your use of “Hide My Ass” doesn’t do a very good job of hiding it.
July 15th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Completely addressed the facts, you just didn’t get an answer you like to support your lazy habits.
Ohhh good one MisterM oooooooooh… lol. are you KIDDING ME? your facts are in reality PATHETIC EXCUSES to sit on your FAT ASS scamming and skimming off of the GOVERNMENT and your EX. you’re the one ignoring reality. holy shit you’re crazy.
you’ve got a BIG problem, a BIG psychological one. WOW. *shaking head* seriously, misterm, i TRULY feel sorry for your kids that they have you for a father. Poor things, i hope they don’t inherit your craziness.
what you fail to understand is that you are pathetic excuse for a father–you’re one of the ones that make the rest of us look like shit. who cares if you get your income imputed. least you’d be a working citizen of this country. it disgusts me that our country’s bravest men and women risk their lives protecting filth like you and it disgusts me almost equally that you are in the same gender category as me. MAN UP.
BTW, $ from this site?? still no answer
and whoa, DW said your unemployment was 400/month. now it’s 30K/yr? hmmm…
LOL about HMA.com guess it does a pretty good job of hiding my ip cuz you would’ve said it otherwise. it gives you a proxy ip addy. so good luck with that.
July 15th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@what you might want to work on reading comprehension - the $400 is how much child support will be for PEW, not how much LM earns in unemployment. Other than that, you aren’t worth the time. Enjoy your reading!
July 15th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Also, I do find it amusing that people believe unemployment goes on forever and ever. Yes, I’m sure LM is just sitting on his ass so he can lose everything he owns when unemployment runs out, because he enjoys not working SO much. At least make an argument that makes sense.
July 16th, 2009 at 6:33 am
we all know how PEWs think, @what is one. please just delete those comments I can’t stand hearing WHAT s/he has to say. please I have ringing in my ears! our PEW brought all her children to court this week, the attorneys in 25 years have never seen that. the only other children there were with mother’s in stilettos and skin tight clothes? wtf? oh and she defended herself. best thing to happen in the 2 years of hate she has been spewing. keep fingers crossed. there may be an end to this.
July 16th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
When my husband tries to see the kids, he is told he is not thinking about them by making them miss a game/party/tv show/”insert other teen activity here”.
But then if he tries to be flexible to their teenage whims, he doesn’t care enough to try and see them. READ: travel to them and stay in a hotel and see them during the few minutes they have nothing else to do.
July 20th, 2009 at 8:48 am
@Sarah - I agree! ‘what’’s posts were amusing for a while - even educational to a certain extent - but s/he’s really started to stink up the place.
I know this is meant to be an open forum and everything, and of course no way to prevent ‘what’ from simply posting under another name (although that smell will give him/her away) - but Mr M, it’s even getting a little tiresome watching the exchanges. Think about it … do you really need another low contact situation going on in your life?
Then again … maybe I just take things too seriously
July 23rd, 2009 at 8:48 pm
I like the one they jason said. My husbands PEW actually told the kids that their dad didn’t want to see them. In reality she was refusing to drive to the court ordered meeting place and told my husband he could come and get them. It doesn’t matter that she lived 6 hours away at the time. She of course denied saying this to the kids, but his then four year old daughter called asking why her daddy didn’t want to come see her. He being the more mature individual said that he did want to come see her, but that mommy didn’t have any gas to meet him and he would see her another weekend
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:54 am
ASSWIPE
August 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am
What do you think your kids would think if they read this when they were…say, 30 years old?
There are better ways than this surely, it’s just so undignified.
August 24th, 2009 at 11:52 am
I don’t know what they would think, Dan. But let me ask you to imagine a scenario where you’re in a constant state of battle to retain shared custody of your children… and you’re in a constant state of battling systematic parental alienation efforts by not only your ex-spouse, but her family as well…
What difference does it make how they come to know the truth, as long as they know the truth?
If they discover this site, that’s something I have to live with and deal with, but there is nothing at all undignified about sharing my story and helping others who felt as isolated about what they were going through as I did.
Nothing undignified at all.
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
For what it’s worth, in all the time I’ve been playing around on blogs, comment-accepting websites, and other such, I have yet to meet an adult male who expresses himself as “What?” does. Most of the people I’ve seen who “speak” thus have been either teen boys, or women. “Cuz” and “ooooooooh” are not typically adult-male expressions.
And it seems to me that “What?” knows where you are and who you are. Peculiar. (Also peculiar is that “he” berates you for spending time working on this site, but “he” seems to have plenty of time to write you these berating, vicious, nasty comments.)
Of course, it’s probably not the PEW herself. Seems to me that you figured out her and her sock-puppets pretty fast. It’s likely to be one of her dear female friends or relatives. In any event, it’s someone who feels a personal stake in putting you “in your place.”