The Psycho Ex Wife

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Continuing from “How Things Happened” - we move through my notes on the custody evaluator’s report to her impressions and observations.  I’ll repeat myself ad nauseum, as I go through this again, it’s painful.  It’s excruciatingly painful how this evaluator just cherry-picks from the events of the sessions which will, of course, cast doubt on my concerns while highlighting PEW’s unfounded myriad of accusations.

Impressions and Observations:

The parents have been able to co-parent effectively. However, the tension created by the custody petition has currently made that somewhat difficult. For her part, the mother discusses concerns about the children in an appropriate manner. The father also discusses concerns in an appropriate manner, but tends to become easily frustrated with the mother. They are both caring, concerned parents who have good relationships with the children. Their greatest difficulty is trying to compromise on issue they don’t agree on, such as where the children will attend school. It is my impression that they should be able to continue to co-parent effectively in the future.

To understand just how utterly astounding this ridiculous language is, you really needed to be in the sessions with us. What’s baffling to me is that for 2 of our 3 joint sessions, PEW was, at times, hysterical. Crying, sobbing, popping off without taking a breath about all of the things I’ve allegedly done from a two-page, handwritten list. I was a drug abuser. I was an alcohol abuser. I was a child-abuser. I was a homosexual. I beat her. I beat the kids. She had called the cops on me for spousal abuse and had police reports to prove it (a lie and never was she called on that in any venue despite repeatedly making that claim)… and the list goes on.

At one point, I was clearly frustrated, but under control. I interrupted her reading from this list of accusations and rants and asked the CE, “I have to interject, exactly how long are we going to sit here and entertain these false accusations? How long do I have to be subjected to these falsehoods until we ask her to support her allegations?” The CE dismissed my objection and allowed PEW to continue. On this and this alone, she chooses to mention that I am “frustrated with the mother” without context. On the flip side, she makes not a single mention of PEW’s hysterical crying jags as she rolled through her list of false accusations.

ALL of my concerns I was prepared to support with objective evidence and the CE refused to review that (against Custody Evaluation, Inc’s own procedures, I might add).

Finally, exactly how laughable is it that the CE would contend that we were “able to co-parent effectively” and would continue to be able to do so in the future? At that point, there were approximately a dozen petitions and other filings. We had several hearings. AND… we were sitting in her office expressing our fears regarding each other’s ability to be a good parent to the children (falsely or otherwise).

Thank goodness for Custody Evaluations, Inc. that all clients must sign a waiver exempting them from being called to testify on their reports. This is why that waiver is in place. They can do, say, report and recommend anything that they want without repercussions.

Discussion of the Children:

I observed the children in the presence of both parents individually. The children were seen in a play setting with each parent. S1 is 6-years old and in kindergarten. He presents as a verbal, polite child who appeared comfortable talking about his family. S2 is 3-years old and is a good looking child who is very talkative and curious.

The children were first seen together with their mother. The children share a room at their mother’s and it was apparent that S2 looks up to S1. The mother indicates that the children generally get along well, but like most siblings they end up arguing on occasion. The mother reports that both children are healthy and have no developmental delays. S2 has been tested for possible allergies. She indicates that S1 has developed some behavior problems which she believes is a result of the parental separation. She says he becomes angry with her when she corrects him which results in S1 hitting and scratching her. The mother would like S1 to receive counseling and attempted to gain the father’s support in this matter. The father did not feel S1 needed counseling because he does not see these behaviors in his home.

PEW played and joked with the boys. She relates to them in a warm, relaxed manner which they respond to. The mother is able to set appropriate limits with the children, and appears to have good parenting skills. The children are both bright and have good attention spans. They appear to have received good parenting. During the meeting with the mother, S1 began asking PEW for his father. He said that he missed his father and wanted to see him. The mother handled this appropriately, telling S1 that his father was in the waiting room and would see him shortly.

The children separated easily from their mother to be seen with their father. S1 cuddled with his father on the couch. It was apparent that he misses his father and struggles with adjusting to the parent’s separation. However, while he was with his father, he wanted to check on his mother to touch base with her and reassure himself she was still waiting for him. S1 is a very talkative child who spent most of the time with his father talking to him. The father relates to the children in a warm, affectionate manner. He has a close relationship with the children and good parenting skills.

When you take out the introductory paragraph relating specifically to the boys, you’re left with the descriptions of our interactions with the children. Hindsight being almost perfectly clear, the first thing you might notice is that the CE makes a concerted effort to really be descriptive about PEW. 241-words to be exact. Me? 106-words. Included in the description of “with mom” is a dig at dad for apparently being uncooperative on the counseling issue with S1. CE also makes a point of praising mom’s handling of S1’s inquiry about me. CE talks about what PEW describes as their home environment and the blame she places on the children when they act up (without being so glaring about it as I) and her concerns about S1’s alleged behavioral problems.  Nothing negative about PEW.  The kids abuse her.  The father abuses her.  She is just a poor, persecuted woman.  She bears no responsibility for anything that goes on her life.

A very quick, bland description of their interaction with me. No mention of play with dad (if you can call a bin with plastic dinosaurs in an office as “play environment.”) She describes S1 reassuring himself with mom’s presence in the waiting room when, in fact, I handled it much the same way as she describes the PEW handling it.  She is praised for her handling of the situation.  I’m not even mentioned when something similar happens and it’s handled almost exactly the same way.

Finally, despite PEW being forthcoming about how the children acting out with her to the point of violence, she concludes that we both have good parenting skills and somehow manages to conclude that PEW sets appropriate boundaries for the children. In 20-minutes of observed interaction. 20-minutes. In a “play setting.” In a counselor’s office. This is your evaluation of your parenting ability, folks. On this, the evaluator will make her recommendations. Give any of you a good feeling?

Next segment… Impressions & Observations, The PEW.