Childhood Obesity Crisis - The Beginning
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In the posts Childhood Obesity Crisis Looms Part I and Childhood Obesity Crisis Looms Part II, I provided details about the history and concerns regarding our diametrically opposed approaches to the children’s diets, especially the types and frequency of snacking. It obviously became much worse after our split because, there was no ability to mitigate what went on when the children were with her.
The following demonstrates a clear example of how things were going to be. It reached a point where literally every single day that the children were to be with me, they would be delivered mid-afternoon with some sort of a snack just being finished up. What precipitated this email was a 4th consecutive day of them being dropped off with rather large ice-cream cones.
PEW,I’m not asking you this to be a pain-in-the-ass. This is important and I hope that you will have no problem with it.
Today would mark the 4th consecutive time you’ve dropped the kids off immediately following a trip to get ice cream. I am asking you to please stop that practice.
#1 - It makes it incredibly difficult for me at dinnertime when they’ve had ice-cream at 2:30PM. I don’t need that kind of problem when I’m trying so hard to get them to eat more of the right things and snack a little less.
#2 - It makes it more difficult for me to use an after-dinner snack as a reward for good behavior when they’ve had a snack like that already, and mere hours before dinner. So, not only does it make for a bad eating habit, it also undermines my work to give them an after-dinner snack when they’ve earned it.
If you feel you must give them an ice cream snack, please give it to them at lunchtime or something and not right before you drop them off to me.
Thanks.
~LM
It was August 16th, 2004. No provocative language. A straight-up plea for her to take more seriously the nature of what the kids were eating and, more importantly, when they were eating it.
Not only did she not reply. She didn’t stop the practice. This is one of those classic examples of giving the high-conflict spouse and excuse to do more of what you would genuinely like them to not do. What sucks about this particularly situation, well - it actually did with most - was that it was to the kids’ benefit. That didn’t matter as long as it was something with which I didn’t agree. That’s the shame of it all. She just kept right on doing it and if you read the other posts linked in the opening of this one - you’ll see just how bad things have gotten with S1.
September 5th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I went to pick up my kids mid afternoon at a mutually agreed upon meeting place since ex and them were returning from a week of vacation.
They were bouncing around like little monkeys, and I was happy to see them so happy.
Well, as the ex was pulling stuff out of the car, trying to find all the essentials they need to keep with them (bag for camp, bathing suit, hat, sunscreen etc) he pulls out a bag of dark-chocolate covered coffee beans. Offers some to me, I take 2, and then pours each of the kids a handful. Then he takes out a chocolate bar, and breaks off a good sized chunk for each of the kids and offers me a piece. Apparently, they had been snacking on this during their 3 hour trip home from vacation.
I was flabbergasted. Didn’t say anything, except “Oh, now I know why they’re so wired.”
Who feed a 6 year old coffee beans?
September 5th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
“This is one of those classic examples of giving the high-conflict spouse and excuse to do more of what you would genuinely like them to not do.”
If you could bottle the solution to getting PEWs or EDs to actually do what you wanted them to do, instead of doing the exact opposite, you’d be a millionaire.
How frustrating!
September 5th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
I put the snacking, the coffee beans, etc., under the heading of “How to Passively-Aggressively Sabotage Parenting Time for the Other Parent”.
Wind the kids up; wear them out; over tire them; make sure they have already seen the cool new movie or done the cool new activity; mix up their sleeping and their eating schedules; “warn” them about dangerous it can be around their other parent (and that evil step-parent, when applicable); cry and make them feel guilty for going; demand that they call you continuously; remind them of all the fun things they *could* be doing if only their really mean other parent weren’t selfishly insisting on seeing them. If the exchange is in a public place, make sure the kids are in rags, so that the other parent cannot take them out to eat or anywhere else without a trip home first.
These behaviors are so common it’s truly disgusting. And sad. And then the sabotaging parent has the audacity to say “What, Me?” as though they are completely innocent. And the one that will get my blood boiling the fastest: “Well, I suppose little Johnny wouldn’t mind going to his other parent’s house if it were a better environment there.” (add self-righteous sniff Here).
Grrrrr… how we destroy our children because we cannot manage to be adults.
September 5th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
JB - I'm pretty sure that I've experienced nearly every single one of those items you list.
Now that this story has reached the part where we've been apart and the shit is just starting to hit the fan, you'll see it… particularly when we get to "next summer" (2005) where her PA was probably at it's most obvious peak (that is, she wasn't at all covert about it).
Toss in there "throwing out the clothes you send them to her in because they allegedly don't fit right."
I have to actually thank her for doing that because it was right then and there that parallel parenting inadvertently became a part of my actions. I gave her two options:
1 - I would wash, store, and then dress & return the children in whatever it was she sent them to me wearing.
OR…
2 - She could send a bag with the clothes that she wanted them to wear home.
Never again have I sent them back wearing any clothing other than those they wore or she supplied (except if I didn't really care about whether or not it vanished).
September 5th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Has anyone ever tried reverse psychology? “I love it when you feed the kids ice cream and candy! Please keep feeding them junk! It’s awesome.”
I’ve seen this advised before, but does it work?
September 8th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
It is so silly, yet apparently so common, that voicing valid concerns to a malicious parent is heard as “Oh goody! Now I know what to keep doing to aggravate everyone!” Kids’ well-being? Not even considered.
January 27th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
[...] Posted later: Childhood Obesity Crisis - The Beginning. [...]
January 27th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
[...] (Posted later: Childhood Obesity Crisis - The Beginning.) [...]
March 7th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
[...] see the history, you can read: Child Obesity Crisis Looms series. This is another chapter, I [...]