The Psycho Ex Wife

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After a welcome respite and a wonderful holiday season, we snap back to the reality of closing out the year 2005.  Now, it wasn’t too long ago I wrote about the PEW’s crazy neighbors… the one with whom she feigns friendship in order to party occasionally, share in some camaraderie that is hating on the abusive ex-husband, and force-friend the relationship between the two household’s children.  The story involved the boys sharing with me (in 2008) - the neighbor children’s complete and total obsession with guns and gun play.  I discussed “Joker” and “Goblin” in the post: Mark It Down - We Have a Civil Discussion.  The other benefit of this bizarre relationship between those two households is further described in the post: The Inevitable Discovery of Internet Pornography.  Despite Joker’s and Goblin’s obvious behavioral issues (primarily Joker, the older one, S1’s age), the fact that PEW makes the children play together means PEW herself doesn’t have to interact as much with the boys.  In the former post, I express my ongoing concerns about the health and welfare of the children due to Joker having access to bb guns and a crossbow (and Lord only knows what other, even more deadly weapons) and strongly suggest to PEW to end the relationship between the children.  This plea is reinforced by ongoing expressions from S1 that he doesn’t even like Joker and is made to play with him by PEW.

It is interesting to note that my fears were earlier expressed in October of 2005.  The following is an email I sent to PEW that followed a phone discussion that included this very topic.

PEW,

Just a follow-up to our conversation - I write because it’s easier to keep from getting sidetracked with you when I have a genuine concern about something.

After speaking with S1 and his describing most of the time he plays with Joker- the play involves guns… and that the video games he plays at Joker’s “almost all have shooting and guns” <<< S1’s words, not mine… I just want to tell you that I am really concerned and want to make sure that you are aware of this.

It concerns me for a [several] of reasons:

1. When it’s time for me to pick him up, he asks to bring the toy guns with
   him to play with them.
2. He asks me to buy him toy guns.
3. His description of the time he spends with Joker.

I would really like to know what the names of the games are that Joker plays that involve guns and killing and shooting. I can’t believe that there are ANY that are appropriate for the 6 - 7 year old range. I would like to think that you would want to know, too, so that we can research them and find out just how appropriate they are for children (as impressionable as S1)… particularly given the stressful family situations he is experiencing. The last thing we need to experience is that he learn that these guns are an outlet for any anger/upset he may be feeling.

Please find out what the titles of those games are and let’s look into it.

It is probably very likely that they are not ‘age appropriate’ games and S1 should not be playing them… or watching others play them, and Lord knows… given the realistic look of that gun I saw him with last Friday, the last thing we need is a cop or someone else mistaking it for the real thing.

The Relation Between Toy Gun Play and Children’s Aggressive Behavior

Community Norms on Toy Guns

Information Generally Not Available on Toy Gun Issues Related to Crime, Injuries or Deaths, and Long-Term Impact

~LM

Oh, I know… how dare I express genuine concerns regarding a real serious issue involving our children. Did I expect anything less than a caustic reply? I don’t really remember, but probably not. This was just one of those things that I legitimately had to try and see addressed.

LM,

I’ll tell you what concerns me…..the fact that you left a loaded gun on our closet floor while S2 was crawling. That’s really more of a concern than toy guns.

Your concerns have already been addressed. I have many conversations with the kids about why I HATE toy guns. Why I WON’T buy guns. The boys know guns are dangerous. Our neighbors are wonderful people. Nice people. The kids love playing together. Should I tell S2 he can’t play with his new best friend?? We don’t have toy guns in our house. You should really stop haranging me and try to be a better parent yourself.

~PEW

Should we be surprised at this point that she fabricates a story to deflect attention from the serious concern involving our children?  Should we be surprised that she is excusing the behavior of the neighbor’s children because they can be used by PEW when it’s convenient for her?  Should we be surprised that PEW believes that allegedly having a discussion with the children about gun dangers is enough when she does nothing to limit their exposure to gun play and violent killing video games that her “wonderful neighbors” allow their (then) 5 and 7 year old children to play?  She didn’t even take the simple step of at least finding out what the games were.

PEW,

#1 - Stop making up stories.

#2 - Stop making excuses. I didn’t say he should stop playing with the neighbors. However, when I came to pick him up the last two times, all he talks about is the gun-play with Joker. What further disturbs me is the video games. I repeat, I’m not harranguing you… YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED, particularly about the video games - I can think of no age-appropriate gun/killing games for children in his age range. But instead of getting yourself informed as to what type of games our children are playing, you want to continue to blather on about unrelated issues.

Find out what the games are or give me Joker’s family’s name and number so that I can call and respectfully inquire the names of the video games that they are exposing the children to.

Check out the links I sent you. Right now, S1 is nearly obsessive about wanting to play with toy guns and those video games are a serious concern. Find out what the children are playing, I beg of you, and get over yourself.

This lashing out is ridiculous. I asked nicely. I’ve accused you of nothing. I asked you to find out what the boys are playing with and what the video games are - and, as usual, you express no care. Thanks for nothing, again. As usual, the boys will pay the price for your indifference.

You hate guns… but let them play with toy guns, even standing there doing/saying nothing while S1 BEGGED me to take the toy gun, which you are telling me isn’t his and you hate, to [our home] with him.

You won’t buy guns, but let them play with them.

The boys know guns are dangerous, but you let them play with them.

You hate guns, won’t buy guns, explained to them that guns are dangerous, but let them go over there and play killing-games… and if they are anything like the ones I have seen, you should be seriously concerned. But nope… you’ll fabricate stories that have absolutely nothing to do with anything rather than do something that is important for the children… just make excuses like you do with your father’s antics, with your sister’s antics. More of the same, to our children’s detriment.

~LM

AND THEY’RE OFF!!!  Well, to no avail, at least I let her know how mind-numbingly absurd her positions are.

LM,

He played a video game ONE time over there because Mrs. Neighbor babysat for me because it was Yom Kippur. I am not going to let S1 play video games over there anymore. He is NOT obsessed with toy guns. He doesn’t talk about them at all to me. He hasn’t asked me to buy him one. Doesn’t play “gun play” over here.

How did you get so obsessed with guns that you owned 5, now in the custody of [the Sheriff's Department]? Did you play “gun play” as a child? You can be assured that (custody evaluator 3, for whom I haven’t picked a name yet) will see this ranting email along with countless others.

If you are so concerned about the kids and my “stability” you never would have picked up and moved 400 miles away. That’s the only obvious thing I can see here. You are the one making up stories and harrassing me…..AGAIN.

~PEW

Yeah, this “ONE TIME” story looks familiar to anyone who has ever been a parent. She’s laying the groundwork for bullshit like…

• “I only had ONE sip of beer!”
• “I was holding this bag of weed for someone else!”
• “I did not have sex with that woman!”

I had to laugh at this one, because I’ve never owned “5″ guns and those that I did own were in the hands of the Sheriff due to the restraining order against her after she stole them from the marital home and subsequently made threats with those very same guns.  Guns she didn’t return after a court order.  Guns she only turned over after a bench warrant was issued for her failure to comply with the court’s order.  They were there for MY protection, not hers.

More to the topic at hand, the boys WERE playing guns and I had witnessed it with my own eyes during several custody exchanges done at the home.  Oh, and of course the “move away” excuse A-GAIN.

This mess is wrapped up with my final answer:

PEW,

Concern does not equal harrassing. I expressed (again) a genuine concern to you in a nice way on the phone, and (again) you went off on situations that had nothing to do with the concern I was expressing.

Also, while you were standing there last Friday, were you oblivious to S1’s begging me about the guns, while showing me the fake revolver that you say isn’t his? The last two times I came there, the first things out of his mouth were about guns and both times he had one while I was picking him up. That’s a fact.

The 3 guns that I had are in the custody of [the Sheriff] because you stole them and subsequently made a threat against me regarding them during the break-in incident last September, resulting in the restraining order currently against you. As usual, you revise history again.

I tried (again) to express a genuine concern and rather than get cooperation and meaningful discussion from you, I get a diatribe about unrelated issues.

Thanks.

~LM

Reality was never something with which she made any effort to come to grips. This continues today and probably will for the rest of her life…

One thing I am not - is anti-gun.  I believe in responsible gun ownership by law-abiding citizens.  I believe in teaching children proper respect for guns and notifying a parent or other authority if a firearm is encountered.  This isn’t about “guns.”  It’s about monitoring the children’s behavior.  It’s about knowing and controlling what kind of video games that they’re playing at the neighbor’s home.  It’s about recognizing the serious issues regarding the neighbor’s children’s aggressive and violent behaviors and how it is impacting our own children’s behaviors.  All of that takes a back seat to her delusions and blaming everything on me and/or my relocation.  What a shame for the kids.

Is anyone surprised that these issues escalated over the years to our children being shot by the neighbor’s child(ren) on several occasions?  Is anyone surprised that these issues escalated to the “wonderful” neighbor’s child(ren) flashing a deadly crossbow at our kids later?  Wow, what great friends they are.  S1 tells me as much when he speaks about how crazy Joker is and how much he despises spending any time at all with him.  My understanding is that Goblin isn’t nearly as bad as Joker and that he and S2 are fairly good friends, but unfortunately, based on my own observations and the experiences described here on the blog - that household’s environment is simply too scary for it be something I feel comfortable with cultivating.  BUT… as with most everything else that goes on at the PEW household - it’s out of my control.  So, I just continue to teach the children what is right and what is wrong with those situations and hope they can keep themselves safe.  Sadly, I don’t have much hope for Joker’s future.