Ever Problematic - Child Custody Exchange Logistics
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In October of 2006, right before the major-major hearing on child custody, came another situation that was a total clusterflock for several reasons. One, PEW seemed to take some sick pleasure in willfully defying the court’s orders. Two, I still had a tendency to use provocative language from time to time. Other than habitually defending one’s self against false accusations and irrational behavior, there is no more foolish a way to escalate a conflict with a PEW faster than using “triggering” language. We were still in the middle of “The Very Clear Court Order is Unclear to PEW” mode.
However, that’s not the interesting part of this exchange. The interesting part of this exchange is the sense of entitlement that is so often talked about on this blog. It’s a really excellent example of how psycho ex’s expect the entire world to bow to their whims. If you thought PEW’s repeatedly asking me to come back or move in, or share a residence with her moving out while DW and I move in alternating weekly took unmitigated gall - well, this one goes one step further.
October 2006…
LM,
I am asking the judge for attorney’s fees. That’s the whole reason my house is for sale….it’s not fair to the kids. You did this to us…..you should FIX it. What the hell did you think was going to happen?? These poor kids……
~PEW
Well, of course, everyone should know by now that everything bad that happens in PEW’s life is my fault. Always was… always will be. This is one of two times she put the house she bought in 2005 up for sale because she couldn’t afford it and that was before the foreclosure issue that cropped up in 2008. By the way, that was also my fault.
I ignore, but reply about the forthcoming custody exchange. Of course, I didn’t ignore it because I knew about low-contact. I ignored it because of the litigation that was forthcoming the following week. However, I open up my email with a stupid comment that would serve to give her cause to escalate and me right along with her…
PEW,
I was wondering if you were going to follow the Judge’s interim order regarding exchanges and meet this weekend for the exchange or continue to defy Judge [Contempt]?
Please let me know so I can make appropriate arrangements. I expect to be going to [grandmom's] again.
~LM
Oh to have learned about and gained the discipline to work low-contact magic so many years before I actually did…
LM,
I’m not defying Judge [Contempt]. If I am going to be doing driving, provisions will need to be made to the support order. You have already caused me and the children undue financial hardship with your unfounded litigation. I intend to show the Judge next week why I should not be driving. In the interim, you always have the option of leaving DW and moving back up here…..the judge said she would certainly be willing to give you MORE time with the children. You need to start doing the right thing for a change.
~PEW
Ah. Money. So, when she’s not claiming it’s about the “safety” of the children, she reveals the true motivation - money. And of course, there was the obligatory “leave DW” request and move back. And, staying truly consistent, me wanting more custodial time with the children is unfounded litigation despite being what we had agreed to from the very outset. Her fighting against me having more custodial time, well… that’s not unfounded. Nor were all of her falsely sworn petitions and testimony.
But that’s not all…
LM,
here’s a thought for ya….POE and DW have NOOOO family in [home state], how bout they ALL move to [custody state]. You know why that’s not happening……because DW thinks her own children are more important than ours……and so do you obviously.
~PEW
Now THERE it is! Now, ignore the fact that POE and DW actually DO have family in reasonable proximity to where we were living. Focus on the reality, as warped as it is, that she would have the reasonable expectation that all of these people would sell their homes, leave their jobs, move away from their family - simply for PEW’s convenience. I think that beats the few stories of her requests for me to move back in with her, or to do a “birdnesting” custody arrangement where we would even dare move into and out of her home on a weekly basis. POE, DW, their kids, and I should I just up and leave our jobs, sell our homes, kids leave their schools, their friends, and relocate closer to PEW because that’s what she thinks is right and reasonable.
Only in the mind of a PEW…
July 8th, 2010 at 8:07 am
Ugh. “You know why that’s not happening…” Yes, because no one in their right mind would consider that idea let alone suggest it. I must say, though it does not follow low contact principles, it makes me giggle to see you open an e-mail by questioning whether she’s going to abide by a court order.
July 8th, 2010 at 11:50 am
Nothing screams “I hate you, don’t leave me.” Like a PEW who, in a single conversation, accuses you of causing her unneccesary harm and hardship, and also suggests that you leave your partner and move back where she is.
Ugh.
July 12th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
I had to laugh when I read this post because I have never read or heard anywhere else of a PEW requesting a bizarre and completely inappropriate living situation other than in my own life! My husband and I have been married for two and a half blissfully happy years and our PEG (never married, thank God!) could be the twin of yours. I am addicted to this blog because it’s like reading about our own life and beyond comforting that we aren’t the only ones dealing with this kind of endless crap.
When my husband left PEG for me, she had a complete and total meltdown and her solution was psychotic denial. In between raging and sobbing fits she begged him to stay with her “for two more weeks” as if that would make any difference! Like he would look at the flabby, deranged sham of a human being and decide that in comparison with me, his best friend and love of his life, she was worth staying with! She couldn’t stop him from leaving her so her response was to pathetically beg for more time, as if two weeks or two hundred years would ever make the difference! She then “demanded” that he wait “two months to a year” to introduce his kids to me (the kicker is that we had already met! Haha!). She threw out all these bizarre time demands and actually seemed to think that H would agree to them!
When she was forced to acknowledge reality (denial only gets you so far) she couldn’t handle it and tried every obvious trick in the book to try to get him to stay. This woman seriously had no pride and degraded and humiliated herself to a shocking level. She was being dumped for the second time by the same man and left for another woman and she didn’t have the dignity to accept it and save even a small amount of pride.
After my H moved in with me and she couldn’t deny that it had really happened, she had the gall to beg H to live with her on the weekends (and I assume stay with me during the week)!!!!!! She was really that nuts!!! There were more crazy shenanigans that I won’t go into, but I remember being floored that she was really that deranged.
She wound up threatening to physically attack me while I was at work and I came extremely close to getting a restraining order.
Best of all, after she realized that the polygamy thing wasn’t going to happen, we realized that her perception of reality was even more shaky than we thought. Our PEW really, genuinely thought that although H was marrying me (he had never married her) he would maintain a full “family” dynamic with her! She thought that he would be married to me, but come to her house after work to take care of the kids and make dinner, then hang out until they were put in bed, THEN he would come home to me, only to leave before dawn so he could be at her house before the kids woke up!!!! In addition, she assumed that H, the kids and herself would be spending time “as a family” and that I would be somewhere in the background like an abandoned mistress or something!! She used to call him and tell him that she had ordered pizza and what movie did he want to rent etc…She was and is absolutely nuts. When she realized that H would be spending absolutely no time with her at all and that as his wife, I was his family and the step-mom to his kids, I was the one who would be at the heart of the family unit, not her, she completely and totally lost it and that’s when the unnecessary and vengeful litigation began…
So, do I pretty much have a clone copy of your deranged PEW or what?
July 12th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
My PEH came up with variations of the “live together” scenario. The first was that I could divorce him and he would move to the basement (um hell no). He then tried to get insurance on the condo he rented by adding it to my policy as a “second home”. When he finally did move out 6 WEEKS after he signed a lease on a empty, immediately available condo he moved his valuables and furniture but not his clothes! (I put them in trash bags and handed to him at the door).
When his mom died after the divorce was final he again suggested moving into my house so he could rent out his moms condo and make $$$.
He lives 3 miles from me and still does not exercise more than 50% of his parenting time.
Why? I figure his only reason for living so close is to spy on me.
July 15th, 2010 at 5:59 am
Giselle - Although your PEW does have issues, I felt a bit sorry for her actually on reading your story. You seem to think that its funny that her husband dumped her twice, finally to come and be with you “This woman seriously had no pride and degraded and humiliated herself to a shocking level. She was being dumped for the second time by the same man and left for another woman and she didn’t have the dignity to accept it and save even a small amount of pride.” Only the “other woman” would ever make an insensitive and hurtful remark about another human being who’s whole life was being turned upside down by the person she loved. Very nasty.
Also, your comment “Like he would look at the flabby, deranged sham of a human being and decide that in comparison with me, his best friend and love of his life, she was worth staying with!” is disgraceful. What does her physical condition have to do with anything? This website is not about calling other people derogatory names and trying to shame them when they are the ones being hurt at the time. You sound horrible in all honesty. Although she is not acting in a “normal” manner now, I think you yourself need to examine your own behaviour before you post malicious comments like that on a site that does not condone language or actions like yours.