The Psycho Ex Wife

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If you’re dealing with a psycho ex-wife or ex-husband, you’re sure to experience a level of projection, false accusations, general chaos, and terror that few will truly believe without having experienced it themselves.  The following examples of what you likely have experienced is not all-inclusive, but it will serve as a foundation for what you’ve gone through.  If you’re about to go through a divorce and/or custody matter with a psycho ex, consider this a primer for what you will go through for some time to come.

Everything I believe is truth: If it wasn’t true, how could I believe it? Proof you say? There is no need for proof, I believe it so it must be so. And because I believe it, everyone that loves me also believes it.

Everyone else is responsible for my faults: I’m perfect, and those things that aren’t perfect in my life are someone else’s fault. I overeat because of you, I spend too much because of you, I never went to college because of you, I lost my job because of you, the Judge ruled against me because you manipulated them.  This list can go on forever.

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Since the discovery of ThePsychoExWife.com, we’ve watched PEW go through a couple of stages.

The first stage, of course, was her contention that she would never email or talk to us again.  From there, it was eliminating child support, and filing an emergency petition to take the boys away from LM.  None of these has happened as of yet.

The second stage was one that none of us were present for, except the boys themselves. This is where she badgered, belittled, screamed, and threatened them, telling them, “I will drag your ass to court and make you choose me.”

The third stage, in case you missed it, was PEW writing comments, denigrating LM (link), DW, (link) family, and friends (link).

But the most bizarre stage was the final stage. She began commenting to herself to prop herself up.  I guess to herself and maybe the few other members of her family reading here who are probably not aware that she was both Liz and Bob (among others). Just like in real life, PEW has to make up fictional people that are on her side.

So, we’ve been discussing where to go from here.

This site wasn’t started to put PEW down.  If we wanted to do that, we would have responded to each and every one of her disgusting emails, text messages, and phone calls. We would have sent this site, with her readily identified, to everyone at her work, her family, her friends, everyone.  We didn’t do that and we certainly didn’t tell her about this site.  It’s not about her. It’s not about our alleged hatred of her. This site is about going through a divorce with a psycho ex-wife and what we must do in order to keep her out of our lives.  It’s to let others know they are not alone, and our hope to teach them how to handle their own situation better. In that regard, we want to keep this site focused on telling our story and what we’ve learned (and continue to learn) without interacting with PEW.  We have no need to interact with her.

Going forward, we will continue posting our back story in chronological order, without posting what is currently happening.  We choose to do this for two reasons. One - we do not want to respond to PEW, and if we post her emails and other antics with our response for you to read, she will also be reading.  Two - there will invariably be more court battles and we certainly don’t want to give her any knowledge of how we will be positioning ourselves.

Before we forge ahead, we offer an open-letter to PEW, PP, and anyone else supporting them:

PP - Please get help. Your family is not helping you and they won’t, especially PEW. (We’ve seen this before with EE’s illness and the priority they placed on preventing their embarrassment even as he sought to obtain help for himself - even disgustingly making fun of his plight while he was right smack in the middle of it.) She wants you to continue to fuck up your life because it makes her feel better about herself. The boys love you, they want you to get better. Check yourself into a rehab program, get back on your medication, and take control of your life. Yes, your Dad “fucked you up,” but the only one that can change, is you. Stop making excuses and get the help you deserve so you can be happy.

PEW - Let me spell a few things out for you. You are an abuser. You are abusive to everyone in your life. LM never abused you. A woman who has been abused for 10-years doesn’t contact her abuser 21-times in a single day. She doesn’t ask him to come back to her once she finally got free and is “happier than ever.” She doesn’t come to a website that he writes and try to engage him. Only someone who has no fear of someone does this.  Someone who was truly abused wants nothing to do with their abuser.

• Calling CPS with false abuse allegations and making your own children go through interrogations is ABUSE
• Alienating your kids and telling them “I will drag your ass to court and make you choose me” is ABUSE
• Lying to them about their stepmother and how she calls you up all the time and calls you names is ABUSE
• Telling the kids not to tell anyone when PP gets drunk and falls down the steps, scaring the hell out of them as they thought she was dead - is ABUSE
• Having PP move-in when she is so clearly out of control is dangerous to the children, and exposing them to that kind of situation is ABUSE
• Lying to them about their father and how he abandoned them and abused you is ABUSE
• Alienating your kids by withholding phone calls and visits from their father is ABUSE
• Telling the children about this website is ABUSE
• The shit you allow your father to do to them and teach them is ABUSE

Why you would think I, or anyone else, would believe anything you say when you have lied about me, is beyond comprehension. Further, you are welcome for the following things:

• The 16-hours of driving I did with LM every other weekend for 3 years to make sure “your” kids were safe
• The hours I have spent shuttling “your” kids to sports and other classes, including the 3.5 hours I spent 5 days a week every swim team season
• For helping to teach “your” children how to swim and dive
• For helping try to teach “your” children to ride a bike
• For helping teach “your” kids how to tie their shoes (while you continued to buy them slip-ons and velcro), dress themselves, and go to the bathroom without making a mess
• For helping teach the boys about nutrition and exercise, and even the nutrition place mats I bought for your house
• For all of the gifts, clothes, and events I’ve paid for over the last 5-years, while you lied to them about how I don’t care about them and my kids get so much more than they do
• Especially for not telling them every time you denied us taking them somewhere fun, like NYC, Orlando, among other places.
• For not putting you down to the children when you called CPS on us and they were crying wondering why you didn’t love them… every time the kids wondered why Dad didn’t call when he actually had… every time the kids reported the names you and your family have called me… every time they express abject fear that the day is coming when you will FORCE THEM TO CHOOSE… every time this, that, and the other… I’ll stop here as the list is long and exhaustive and frankly, we already know that you just don’t give a shit anyway.  For everything I do for them because I love them and LM - you’re welcome.

You need to apologize to your children, and MEAN IT. Don’t tell them you are sorry when you still intend to alienate them from their father and force them to choose you. Your children love BOTH OF YOU. Your children want BOTH OF YOU in their lives. Your children love their stepbrother and stepsister, and yes, they even love me. They have enough love to go around, and you should be grateful they have so many people in their lives that are willing to fight for them, in the face of your personal attacks. Most stepmothers would have left by now, but I can assure you I’m going to be around forever, because LM is a wonderful person, a wonderful father, and we have an amazing relationship. Something you might have some day if you get help. We implore you, for the sake of your boys, let them be happy, let them love both of their parents, stop interrogating them, stop threatening them, and let them be children.

As always, we will treat the children with respect, we will not denigrate you to them, but we will teach them how to deal with your outbursts on their own, because they don’t deserve to be abused by you, or anyone else. Get help, and think about this letter every time you yell at them, every time you ask them a question about us trying to get information that will help you take them from their father, every time you tell them they will be going to court when they are 12, and remember that you are abusing them.

The madness ends when you choose to stop it. On this website - your madness ends today.

Sincerely,
DW

PS - Much like everything else you speculate about, don’t profess to know what our current marital status is.  You don’t.

PPS - To anyone reading who might know any of us, if you encourage or support any of the things that PEW perpetrates on us, especially the children, you should be ashamed of yourselves.  You’re just as bad as she is.

Interesting information consistently comes to light and as much as I talk about it, I still feel as though I don’t talk about it enough, particularly when it comes to the ongoing societal propagation of myths surrounding information about “domestic violence against women“.

I happened upon another corner of the internet where I found this comment, regarding my site specifically, among a few others that were mentioned by another poster… It will be paraphrased for copyright reasons, but I’ll direct you to the thread which discusses domestic violence and you can see the exact content for yourselves (if you want to dig through the mess and find it)…

When I see videos like that and read websites like the ones you’ve mentioned, I see men who are used to asserting their dominance over others encountering for the first time ever, a system of power in family court that doesn’t automatically defer to their words or their command.  The family court system doesn’t defer to their own narrowminded view. Some may have legitimate problems and maybe they continue to work to solve them.  Still, their voices express rage at not being able to dominate the system or their exes anymore. Further, the animation is atrocious. You might not want to link to that outside of certain kool-aid drinking societies.

The topic is “Women Abusers On the Rise?” The particular writer in this instance belongs to one of those kool-aid drinking societies - the one that will find any excuse to shake a finger at the “male-dominated, patriarchal society” that radical feminists and their ilk so often like to dredge up as justification for their one-sided view of everything.  It is a common theme in his (assuming it’s a him) responses throughout the thread.  I guess it’s okay to blame a victim of such abusive behavior if the victim has a penis.

There is always an excuse or justification for women’s violence.  If a man is complaining, it’s because he’s “lost control and dominance over his victim.”  He’s not the only person on this earth who believe that my blog is demonstrative of someone who has “lost control” over the poor, helpless victim of the PEW.  While granted, all you get here is my one-sided story and you only have my word that these experiences are the truth - if you reversed the sexes, I absolutely guarantee you this guy would be praising this site as an expose’ on the control and dominance that men try to exert over their wives throughout this country and the world! Numbnuts like him are just that transparent.

And jackasses like this lead the charge when people (informed men and women alike) point out why, as prevalent and public as domestic violence against men has become lately… it’s still an alarmingly under-reported crime by male victims.

On that note, please check out this timely report recently put forth by RADAR (Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting), which serves to dispel 50 of the Top Myths often reported as fact (either in the media or by organizations looking to pull more billions of taxpayer dollars to fund their “causes”).

Domestic Violence affects men, women, and children in profound ways.  However, I’ve had enough of the blame-men society in which we struggle to live and the wealth of resources that are (mis)directed to “violence against women’s” initiatives and not equally distributed to domestic violence committed against men and children (especially male children).

I would suggest that, in addition to forwarding the link to everyone you know so that they may educate themselves on the realities of domestic violence (or, at the very least, make them think twice about parroting such gross misinformation)… that you print it out and keep it handy for those face-to-face discussions that you may periodically encounter by someone you know who has had some of that “Kool-Aid” that the above referenced poster spoke about so erroneously.

It covers quite a bit of ground in a short and well-supported report, including:

• The DV Superbowl Hoax (which I’ve previously made fun of).
• The numbers comparison between deaths in the Viet Nam War and women’s deaths from DV.
• Marriage License = Hitting License.
• The overblown reports of total costs and medical costs associated with DV “against women.”
• The “1-in-4 women have been a victim of rape or attempted rape in their lifetimes” claim.
• False allegations of DV or rape are “almost non-existent.”
• The false reference to an alleged “March of Dimes” report about partner-battering being a leading cause of birth-defects.
• Women are just as likely to be “controlling” as men (contrary to popular belief, which has been changing as of late).

And many, many more.

THE CONCLUSION continuing from Part 6, mercifully.  To close out this series that sets the stage for what would be an extremely difficult summer of 2005… are 3 email exchanges that finish up the series of emails that went back-and-forth over the course of 5 days.  We close out rather anti-climactically, with her repeating her same old mindless lies and my repeating my same old mindless truths.

PEW:

Listen, you had almost 50/50 custody of the kids. Then you left town. Please stop saying that I am trying to prevent you from spending meaningful time with them. You did that all by yourself.

LM:

Again with the fictional account of reality. Firstly, I didn’t have “almost 50/50.” You and your attorney saw to that when you amended our agreement after we reached one that was truly 50/50. After you got done chopping out my “every other Monday” and refusing to allow extra weekdays - it was more like 65/35, which was advantageous to you because then you marched right out and filed a petition to modify the support order to increase your stipend (after saying you weren’t) because again, that’s more important than time with the boys. I won’t even start with your repeated threats and hanging Sonya’s recommendation over my head, which - I remind you yet again, recommended almost exactly what I am asking for during the Summer - a reversal of primary. Try not to forget that. Even Sonya’s report, which you like to throw in my face - recognized the importance of appropriately significant time with the boys. However, your uncanny ability to ignore that reality would mean you would have to admit to yourself that what I ask for IS in the best interests of the children - Sonya’s recommendation reflected that and I am hoping that Gloria’s report also reflects the sentiment she offered during our sessions about that importance.

Also - and I will continue to reiterate this - with few exceptions, the situation would be very close to the same whether I lived in [any of several surrounding communities] or [home-state]. You would have primary time during the school year and I would probably be having to fight with you just the same for primary during the Summer. Stop trying to portray the relocation to [home-state] as being “the only” reason that the situation is what it is. It’s not the reality, as usual.

PEW:

I truly think you’re losing it when I read your emails. That is why I am not going to comment further because I think you are having a nervous breakdown or something.

LM:

Don’t count on it, PEW.

PEW:

Like I said, you will get to spend a good amount of time with the boys over the summer and throughout the year. You’ll get extended weekends and christmas vacation etc…. That’s the best I can do.

LM:

It’s not the “best you can do.” It’s all you’re willing to do because all you care about is you.

PEW:

I have to take the car in for service and new tires, once I do that maybe I’ll start meeting you halfway.

LM:

I won’t hold my breath. Apparently, the car is reliable for EVERYTHING ELSE in your life except the “safety of the children” during their treks to [home-state] that you so often pontificate about but actually do nothing to mitigate. One can hope, though.

That’s the end of the first of three emails that will bring this segment of my disaster to a conclusion. More scatterbrained topics, historical re-writes, and mindless drivel from the both of us.

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Continuing from Part 5, where PEW made overtures of my returning to her if I “changed” - she does the mirroring thing where she again projects, even using similar language to my own often used against her.   You’ll notice that with each new allegation - there is a complete lack of supporting evidence.  In fact, there isn’t even an effort to at least detail in text anything that would support her claims.  She just randomly tosses out thoughts and accusation.  Of course, those hooks would deeply embed in my cheek and I would be caught in the madness.  This is not the conclusion, I’m sorry to say.

PEW:

When I read this….I wonder if we were sharing the same life for the time we were married. Do you actually believe yourself? Just as you claim, you “revisionist history” so do I.

LM:

Yes, but the difference between you and I is that I can substantiate the overwhelming majority of what I claim with stuff written or typed by you. Further, I can substantiate the claims I make about myself in much the very same way. The public you and the private your are two vastly different things, and all of those people who “love you” and your public personna would be aghast at the way you conducted your life in private.

PEW:

I guess your family and friends have your story and my family and friends have mine. Who’s right, who’s wrong, who really cares anymore? For someone who is “over it” you certainly put alot of energy into trying to correct my account of the way things were. I’m tired of going back and forth too.

LM:

True, and the energy I put into this has one purpose and it’s not dwelling on the past… it’s precisely what I have repeatedly claimed it was - recounting actual events in the face of your storytelling. When your storytelling and whining about our marriage stops - so do my corrections. Think about it.

PEW:

I’m saying that you’ll get to spend ample amount of time with the kids, until we get the report from Gloria.

LM:

Yes, as I figured - until you get what you hope is appropriate ammo to use against me. I hope the roll of the dice is worth the consequences for you, because you are fighting against what is good for the children. Keep that in mind when you go to bed at night. The children want to spend more time with me. The children need to spend more time with me. What SHOULD this all mean to you if you really gave a rat’s ass about the children? What it means is that you are fighting against the children.

PEW:

I’ll also get to spend an ample amount of time with them because that is what is fair. So the summer, until we get to court, will be split 50/50.

LM:

So what you’re telling me is that 2 months primary for me and 10 months primary for you isn’t “fair.” You know who it isn’t fair to? You. Why? Because it’s about you and not the children. This situation shouldn’t be left up to Gloria. She said that herself. This should be decided by us and by fair-minded people. However, clearly, someone who believes that 2 months of primary time with their father isn’t “fair” - can’t possibly be a rational, clear thinking adult with the best interests of the children in mind. Only more vindictiveness and if the children suffer - you couldn’t care less, as long as you could cry long and hard about how little help you get.

PEW:

As usual, I’m not going to respond to any of the things you’ve said because it’s all “bull”. I will say one thing though, I have many meaningful long term relationships with people. I still have my best friend from Kindergarten, high school, my old neighborhood. I am close with my family, cousins, Aunts/Uncles. Neighbors like me, co-workers, bosses, teachers, doctors.

LM:

Who are you trying to convince here? You sure are working hard to convince yourself (it seems). You have superficial relationships with most of them, and those who don’t agree with your stories or question your version of events - GONE! POOF! Just like that! Just like so many counselors, coworkers, friends, etc…

PEW:

How many meaningful relationships do you have? Not many. You’re not close to anyone LM. Not your brothers anymore, I doubt you even talk to MCB much.

LM:

Do you even have a clue what you’re talking about? Clearly not. I have many meaningful relationships with friends, many friends of 20+ years. MCB, Lisa, Brian, Dave, Christine, Paul - several people you never even met. But I know it makes you feel good to think that I am just a lost, suffering soul without someone who considers themselves as great as you think you are. As for my family, we have our occasional disagreements, but please don’t delude yourself into thinking what you’ve written above.

Just another case of you working very hard to accept your own distortions as reality. It still isn’t working on my watch, PEW. Count on that.

PEW:

Who has the credibility in a situation like this? The guy who is anti-social and backwards, or the person well-liked by pretty much everyone who meets her? That aint you. Most of the people from [our workplace] hated you.

LM:

Other than Toni, you should think twice about mentioning the people at [workplace]. The people at [workplace] always have liked me and still do. I assure you that the same couldn’t be said for you. But again, you pacify yourself with these warped distortions of reality. Remember, I’m the guy who had to bail you out (twice) from major, unprofessional blowouts at work. But again… stories that matter not here anymore except to pacify your desire to dwell on the past and work so hard to convince yourself of how great you are.

PEW:

You had major falling outs with a majority of your friends (fantasy football and otherwise, ie: Don)

LM:

One guy. One. 1, PEW. A guy who doesn’t speak to me because he cheated his friends for money. Nice example you picked there.

PEW:

LM, you have never had the ability to get along with anyone.

LM:

False.

PEW:

I on the other hand, have successful relationships with some pretty difficult people.

LM:

Pretty difficult people who support you. You abandon those who question your version of events, including friends, neighbors, coworkers, whomever. You have successful relationships with people who believe your distortions of reality. And that’s fine. Having people blindly having faith in you works for you. It’s easy to cast aside people who would question your fabrications and have actually either seen or heard you in action… or had the opportunity to see your own words on paper. Those are the people you quit on time and time again.

PEW:

What does all this mean to you, you might ask? It means that reality is, you are the one with the problem. I may not be perfect, but the drama that you portray in your little stories is just not reality. Wake up, look around at the faces around you….anybody look familiar? I didn’t think so.

LM:

You have your sister, who is “there” for you because she provides you what? MONEY. Oh, that, and you can’t function without having someone there to help you. That’s why you spend all of the time you do at your parents and having your sister around. You can’t handle life on your own. I hope her rent is worth the risk involved, as Gloria said. Think about it… how often are you actually ALONE with the children… one-on-one (or two as it were)? Probably NEVER at this point, because you can’t handle them on your own, either… so much so that you would risk exposing them to the potential consequences of the next backslide by your sister.

Thinking of the children? You’re not really, PEW. Just keeping them as your last weapon against “big, bad LM.” Very sad for them.

They’ll see some day. I hope that you’re working now on the answers to the questions that are sure to come from them. I know I am.

She doesn’t. She hasn’t. She won’t.  To be continued…