The Psycho Ex Wife

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We’ve occasionally discussed what we thought might happen should the website be discovered.  We’re pretty sure that any number of things might occur and we’re pretty convinced that none of them would be particularly good.

We often speculate what might occur…

• PEW would call CPS (again).
• Maybe get her dumbass father to leave us a nice voice-mail again so he can say things like “whore” and “slut” and be all tough-guy on our asses.
• PEW would call her normal brothers and see if they would beat me up on her behalf (despite them knowing how absolutely off-the-chain both PEW and Psycho-SIL are).
• Threaten court (again).
• She would project all of her self-hatred outward onto me (again).
• She’ll definitely “tell my dad” on me.  My dad, not her dad.
• She’ll tell others in my family.
• Maybe she might send an email, that might look like this:

LM,

I have decided that tomorrow I am sending a letter to [CSE] asking them to terminate your child support payments to me. Then I am taking the entire contents of your www.thepsychoexwife.com website to court with me….I’m asking for an emergency hearing…because you have lost it. The whole scary thing is printed out, particularly the part where DW says she hates our kids…and they have social and behavioral problems…someday if they choose to be like me “they will have to go their own way”? I’m scared….this is scary…I’ve read it all and with every new article, it just got scarier. You are a scary scary individual….and DW is JUST as scary. You do not have to pay for the braces…..I did not realize how sick you actually were. I will pay for the braces by myself. I’m going to consult with a child psychologist and find out if the kids should know about this, because I can tell you…despite what they tell you, they are very loving and affectionate to me and I am to them as well….I’m thinking you and ugly have a big HATE expedition going on over there….it’s not healthy….and it’s weird since I granted you without a fight 50/50 custody…gave you a huge break on child support….I don’t even know who you’re talking about on that website, but it aint ME. Please don’t kill me….because as I was reading it that’s all I was thinking, you’re nuts. Keep your money…make love to it, wallpaper with it….make a loin cloth out of it….use it for psychotherapy (highly recommended) just stay the fuck away from me.

This is the last email you will ever receive from me.

you’re sick…. PEW

Well… that’s what I imagine it would look like if just such a discovery were to occur.  And if just such an email would actually be the result, I might be inclined to have the following thoughts based upon quotes from just such an email:

(more…)

I mentioned, briefly, in Part 1 of the Differing Approaches - Educational Issue post, that PEW let on that she had found a project website that DW had been working on.  She discovered a long “abandoned” section where DW had made some negative comments about PEW (of course, without mentioning any specific name).  The comments were in relation to a specific event and simply described how she was acting like a psycho ex-wife again. I say “abandoned” because the last comment DW made on this project site was in October of 2008. The comments to which PEW refers was even before that.

LM,

I read some nasty comments written by DW about me on myspace and elsewhere. I am taking back what I said about the child support and if you moved to [My Township] I would do away with it. I won’t…forget that. I try so hard to be nice to you. I’m going to start my own website and post embarrassing stories about you and DW, how bout that? You do realize that I may look like a psycho to her….but to the people around me, you two look like psychos? So childish….after reading some of the shit she puts out there…I’m not sure I want her anywhere near my kids…I don’t think she’s wrapped too tight herself.. Just because she can…doesn’t mean she should.

Ridiculous….your girlfriend just screwed you right out of your favorite thing….money.

~PEW

Well, firstly - she did make an offer to drop child support if I moved into her township in preparation for her apparent forthcoming death. She wanted me to do so to ensure that the boys would still go to school in her township. As I’ve previously said, she even wants control of our lives from “The Great Beyond.”

Then, she went ahead and did the very same thing she bitches about in her email. Idiot.

I ignored her for obvious reasons. Therefore, I didn’t screw myself out of anything because like so many other empty promises she’s made, this one was never going to happen. It was just another crazy email.

She added…

As for the nasty attitude, have I ever called you psycho or crazy in any public domain?? What happens between you and I is not fodder for DW. You’re not even married to her….she’s not their stepmother…..she’s not even nice to them. As for her saying she’ll have another opportunity to have me arrested….no she wont….not ever.

~PEW

The answer to her first question is an unequivocal and resounding YES!!! There are many public records that will support that, too. As for having another opportunity to be arrested… that comment is a direct reference to what DW wrote about - PEW’s threats to show up at our place, unannounced. The extent of her comment was that she would welcome her to try so that she could call the police and have PEW arrested for doing so.

She adds again…

Have her delete the crap….or I will retaliate the same way….and she won’t like what I say about her. I can say alot… DELETE IT!!!

~PEW

It probably would have been deleted regardless, but of course, now DW won’t. Wouldn’t want her believe that DW deleted it because she “ordered” it and not because the project has advance beyond the stage it was in back then. So, DW will wait a while before folding that up.

So, in reply to our continued “NO CONTACT” on the subject, she started her own blog. She has not continued with it.  However, not before I could get a couple of screen shots to share some of the details. She only had one blog post and it was rather… mundane. However, her cover info was a treat to read.

PEW’s About Me Page:

I am digressing my ex’s girlfriend bashes me to my kids… and everyone and anyone else who will listen.  So, I decided to put a few tidbits out there for her, too.  See during our 4 year custody battle, she was the only person my ex could get to listen to him, so she fanned the flames of nastiness making him next to impossible to deal with… AND she’s super ugly to boot.  So, until she deletes what she has written about me… I am going to blog as much as possible about the kind of person she is and the kind of person he is.  I will call her [strange name that isn't DW] and I will call him [stranger name 1 or even stranger name 2, neither of which are Mister-M].  This is going to be good stuff, so stick around!

Projection.

Who I’d Like to Meet: DW’s Ex-Husband.

General:

I am basically a devoted mother of two young sons and I always do what’s best for them.  It’s a struggle with their dad being a total deadbeat, but somehow I manage.

That is hysterical.  If only she knew what an insult this is to any parent of children with an ex (wife or husband) who has willfully and deliberately vanished from their lives and refuses to support them.  I’m really beginning to believe that there is no one or no group that she won’t insult.

Books:

The one I’m going to write someday.

Heroes:

MYSELF - for being the very best parent, friend, daughter, sister… that I know.

This was truly my favorite.  It exudes narcissism.  The Psycho Ex-Wife REALLY loves The Psycho Ex-Wife!  She’s her own hero and is the best of everything to everyone.  You know what?  She truly believes it, too… with every fiber of her being.

She ended up deleting the blog and sending this…

LM,

You probably called at 5 to curse at me and insult me as usual…sorry to disappoint you. I changed my mind….I don’t care what DW has to say about me…I’m over it.  Here is what I am saying to you….I look at what you’re doing on the internet for a reason…and that is for the next time you inevitably drag me into court. It’s not stalking, I am gathering important information for the future.  What you two put out there for the public is to be looked at by anyone, even me.  It’s all good stuff for me, so just keep on doing what you’re both doing.   AND…I hope DW isn’t thinking of cooking up another “cyberstalking” case…because it’s a bunch of crap, I don’t really care what she’s doing, unless it effects my kids….I only care about what you’re doing….because everything you do always effects the kids on some level….eventually.  What I do is totally LEGAL and SMART.  I need to do it because of the history here.

I can’t afford to have bullshit in my life right now…..so I’m letting it go.

~PEW

I called at 5PM to talk with the boys, though, it is her desire that I was calling to talk (fight) with her.

I speak often of the eerie similarities I’ve seen, read, and experienced - all associated with the behaviors of the psycho-ex spouse.  I often joke that “they are all working from the same super-secret terror manual.” While somewhat morbidly humorous, with each passing day it’s hard not to believe that these people are following a script that details the behaviors necessary to create a maximum amount of terror for their targets.  Aside from the many blogs I read, our very own Psycho Ex-Wife Forums have yielded more of the same stories.  When you consider that our fledgling forums currently have just over 100 registered members, it’s still unnerving to see that nearly all of those who have contributed there have experienced not 1, not 2, but many of the same situations across a broad spectrum of topics.

Parental Alienation - though this can happen to varying degrees regardless of the divorce circumstances, some of the “subgroups” within this topic seem to be fairly common among disordered ex-spouses, whatever that disorder may or may not be.

• Bad-mouthing the ex.
• Making promises of fun times upon return from the ex, including trips, parties, etc.
• Buying gifts, animals, toys, games, etc. while the children are with the ex and telling the child about them so that the kids become focused on them and all they want to do is return to the psycho ex-spouse alienator.
• Other methods of undermining the parenting time of the “normal” ex by whatever means necessary in order to elicit a desire in the children to return to the psycho-ex.
• Bad-mouthing the new person in the normal ex’s life.

Clothing Issues.  This is another one of those bizarre subjects and one I was surprised to find is completely common.

• A failure to return to the normal ex, clothing sent over on or with the children to the psycho-ex’s residence.
• The psycho-ex disposes of the clothing sent over on/with the child.
• Sending the children to the normal ex that is dirty, torn, or ill-fitting.

The Psycho Ex wants the normal ex back.  This occurs despite unsupported claims of systematic abuse perpetrated on the psycho-ex (and/or the children of the marriage) by the normal ex.

• Pleas to return to the psycho-ex.
• Efforts to undermine a new relationship that the normal ex may now be involved in.
• Blaming the new partner in the normal ex’s life for the break-up of the marriage, even though that new person wasn’t even known to the normal spouse until after the demise of the marriage (and often telling the children the same.)
• Suggesting that the normal ex move-in with or move closer to the psycho ex in exchange for promises to offer more custodial time or drop child support issues.
• Send love letters or letters imploring the normal ex to remember “all of the wonderful, loving times” that they allegedly had together.

Employment similarities.

• The psycho ex is employed in some sort of child-care capacity (day-care, teacher or teacher’s assistant for instance).
• They are a psychologist or work in a psychologist’s office.
• They are a “counselor” of some sort.
• They work for a pediatrician.
• They work in the mental health field generally.

Custodial Interference.

• Failure to show up for exchanges, many times during important events (holidays, Father’s Day, birthdays, etc.)
• Making plans during the other parent’s custodial time that “prevents” the child from being exchanged for scheduled parenting time.
• Showing up at events scheduled during the normal ex’s custodial time and causing a scene or otherwise monopolizing the child’s time during that event.

The animal obsession.

• They have more than what is usually an acceptable number of pets: dogs, cats, birds, lizards, hermit crabs, gekkos, fish etc.  They can’t pay their bills, but have the money to (attempt to) care for all of these extraneous creatures.
• They buy and abandon and then buy another and abandon and then buy another and abandon dogs, cats, etc.
• Their homes reek of animal waste so the children do, too.  Or their clothes.  Or their bookbags.  And so on.

They call Child Protective Services on the normal ex.

• Repeatedly, despite CPS repeatedly finding the false claims to be just that - false (or in CPS terms “unsubstantiated”).
• Making other false accusations relating to the children and constantly threatening to do same.

They’re dying or have multiple, mysterious illnesses.  They usually never die nor do they ever spend any appreciable time (if any at all) at the hospital or otherwise laid-up.

• They have cancer.
• They’re having surgery for some unspecified condition.
• They are constantly going to the doctor or hospital and having tests for mystery illnesses.
• Nothing ever really ever really materializes, but they do tell the children that they are suffering from some debilitating disease which further entrenches the love and care from the children and their allegiance to the poor, suffering psycho ex.

Cellphone Issues.

They supply cellphones to the children and send them over to the normal ex’s home with them.  They often have camera phones.

• They have the children take pictures inside the normal ex’s home.
• They call and text excessively - at home, at school, at extra-curricular events and at all hours of the day and night.  This is also a form of custodial interference because they are “in the normal ex’s home” with unfettered access to the children and further undermines the time the children are to be spending with the normal ex.

They don’t like your household rules.

• They have few boundaries or expectations for the children, so anything you try to teach them is “boot camp.”
• You’re a control freak - this accusation often made as they make demands on you to control how you parent.
• They call normal situations that require respect, responsibility, and accountability - “child abuse.”

Stalking.

• They drive by the normal ex’s house or workplace.
• They vandalize the home or vehicles of the normal ex.
• They research the normal ex on the internet, stalking their blogs, businesses, or other projects.
• They have friends or family do the same.

This list isn’t all-inclusive.  If you were to go to the forums, of which there are just over 100 members at this time, a person who has not gone through what these people have gone through end up scratching their heads reading the similarities.  Many of the stories are so identical that you will often see the phrase “parallel lives” bandied about.

While discussing things over dinner last night, DW and I were talking about this very subject.  We still can’t get our heads around these uncanny similarities.  While we often speaking of their intellectual growth being stunted or stopped at age 6, 8, 10, 12, or whatever, we remain unconvinced that the explanation ends there.  DW wondered if there has been any studies done or brain scans of those with Borderline Personality Disorder (as an example) to see if literally if there is a particular section of the brain is damaged or otherwise malfunctioning.  Assuming there is, it must be relegated to the frontal lobe because they have absolutely no inhibitions the things they do generally.  They say what they want to say, do what they want to do, and they have no qualms about doing so.  There is that little something that is missing that is supposed to tell a normal human being, “STOP!  What you’re doing is wrong!”

Well, one such study reports: (Neurobehavioral Study of Borderline Personality Disorder)

The existence of an “organic” subgroup of borderline personality disorder (BPD) has been postulated. This report is of a case-controlled, chart-review study of BPD. The control sample consisted of patients with a variety of psychiatric diagnoses. The study found that 81% of the patients with BPD and 22% of the control patients had a history of brain injury, either developmental (44%), acquired (58%) or both. Furthermore, there was a positive correlation between the summed number of developmental and acquired brain injuries and the score on the retro-Diagnostic Interview for Borderline. A pilot neuropsychological study showed that seven of nine subjects with BPD had evidence of frontal system dysfunction. These results help to support the hypothesized existence of an organic BPD subgroup.

Still, it doesn’t satisfactorily explain just how similar in minute details these situations are amongst all these people.  Perhaps maybe they are part of a larger, secret terror society that does work out of a written manual full of these “standard operating procedures.”  I sure would like to find a copy.

Well, continuing from the last post about PEW exaggerating and worrying beyond what is entirely reasonable regarding S2’s illness, she began at 8:35AM and continued all… day… long. Yes - it was the dreaded email & text barrage accompanied by some voice-mail as well.

8:35 AM text message from PEW:

How is S2?

8:54 AM text message reply from LM:

Fever went up right B4 bed last night. Keeping him home today even though he felt fine and wanted to go to school. We’ll see how he does today.

That should have been sufficient, but I knew (and all of you readers know) that it clearly was not. Despite being a full and complete update regarding his status while I was in the parking lot at work, the terror campaign was only just beginning. I go to my meeting.

9:05 AM text message from PEW:

What did it go up to? see this is what im talking about he should not still be having that after 9 days call me please

No reply.

9:11 AM voice mail from PEW:

So you’re playing game at S2’s expense now?

No reply.

9:12 AM text message from PEW:

LM???

No reply.

9:16 AM phone call from PEW: No voice mail left.

9:31 AM email from PEW:

LM,

I know you like to torture me but this is serious. S2 needs to have lab work or something. The chest x-ray would be good too. It’s been since Sunday, that is 10 days. What if they mis-diagnosed him or something. I didn’t want you to go to Dr. [Ihate] for a reason. S2 should NOT have a fever anymore. I know you think I’m a hysterical nutcase, but you have no idea all the possible things that could be causing this. I AM FREAKING OUT and you are being really mean by not communicating with me.

Nothing bad better happen to my son.

~PEW

Why would I think she’s a hysterical nutcase? No reply.

9:48 AM text message from PEW:

Ok its on… joint custody isn’t going to work!

No reply.

9:50 AM text message from PEW:

My petition has been ready 4 two months i just have to add ur latest

No reply.

11:18 AM phone call from PEW: No voice mail left.

12:14 AM phone call from PEW: No voice mail left.

12:48 PM text message from PEW:

Since u wont call im coming over i want to see S2

I tell DW and she thinks we should call the cops and alert the landlord now. I hesitate because I don’t want to cause a scene in front of S2 and I’m not thinking she’s going to leave work to come over to the cottage. I reply. Text message from LM at 12:56 PM:

I gave you an update this morning. Stop harassing me, please. When there is something new to report, I will tell u. Call him tonite.

I regret replying at all because I believe she was just fishing for the right button and threatening to come here was a good one. However, I also wanted to make sure I remind her that there is nothing new to report and therefore, nothing further to discuss.

12:59 PM text message from PEW:

LM this is not up to u i want him to have labwork either call to discuss or return him to me or i will get the authorities involved AGAIN

No reply.

1:02 PM text message from PEW:

U cant make unilateral decisions especially when it comes to stuff like this what was the temp last night.

I joke with DW that I should text back that it was 135-degrees. No reply.

1:15 PM text message from PEW:

Is it still [LM's home address]?

No reply.

1:21 PM text message from PEW:

Ill be over after work do i need to bring a cop with me.

No reply.

That’s 16-TIMES IN LESS-THAN 5-HOURS. 16-times. 16.

In any event, I left work after the meeting and came home. S2’s been in good spirits and fever free though DW reported that he did throw-up a little bit after one of the coughing fits. Laughing. Smiling. Jovial. I’m checking his temperature almost hourly. He’s eating. He’s drinking. He’s just got that nasty cough lingering and if not for the fever spike before bed last night, he’d be in school today.

I called the doctor and explained every last detail between yesterday’s visit and the time I called in the afternoon. They say that as long as he is fever-free, there is nothing else we can do for him. Keep up with the antibiotic and the albuterol treatments and monitor his temperature. If his fever spikes again, call us immediately.

I explain to the person on the phone that mom is freaking out and wants me to take S2 to the hospital for lab-work and a chest x-ray. She says, exasperatedly, “Oh, no!” and further explains that there is nothing more that the hospital is going to do for S2. The medicine and rest need to work it out unless something changes to warrant further attention.

That’s what we’ll do.
…..

Worthy of note:

1. PEW wasn’t concerned about his well-being when I dropped him off on Sunday 10/12.  He was sick that evening with a fever.  However, she pressured me to hurry up and get there (to drop off S1’s cellphone charger).  He was packed in the car when I arrived about to head out with PEW and Aunt PP.  When I gave her “the look” she said to me, “oh, he’s feeling a lot better!”  (It was an hour later.)
2. PEW doesn’t like Dr. [Ihate] but he did no more or less than the doctors that she likes would have done on Monday.  When his symptoms worsened and she visited the doctor she likes - that doctor did more because there was more going on.
3. When she called the doctor she liked to explain her side of the situation yesterday in a weak attempt to get an “I told you so” - she gave the same advice as the doctor she hates.  Go figure.
4. PEW is an idiot.

I look at the clock now and it’s 2:52 PM. Check back for more updates as the day progresses. No texts, voice mails, or phone calls for 1-1/2 hours now. In the meantime, I’ll be preparing for her threatened visit.

…..

Updating at 9:30 PM. I believe that the onslaught is officially over at 21 separate contacts for the day. It far eclipses the 10 phone calls followed by a police visit a few summers back.

6:03 PM phone call from the PEW: Normal child-interrogation phone call.

6:10 PM text message from the PEW:

U didn’t tell me he threw-up. That’s new.

No reply.

6:11 PM text message from the PEW:

I’m calling the dr. in the morning

No reply.

6:14 PM text message from the PEW:

103.3 is pretty bad after being on an antibiotic for 10-days

No reply. Though, I must say to you that it hasn’t even been 10-days he’s been sick. The usual embellishment from her. He’s been on the new antibiotic for 5-days because she concluded that the amoxicillin was ineffective after 24-hours, doctor and pharmaceutical expert that she is. In her mind, this child is on the literally on the verge of death.

6:26 PM voice mail from the PEW:

LM, it’s PEW, ummm listen, I think you should just bring S2 back and if he gets better towards the end of the week I’ll give him back to you but if you’re not willing to take them to the doctors and aren’t willing to do what needs to be done, then just bring them back to me and I’ll do it.

At 7:45 PM, I called her and calmly gave her a very short update regarding S2, his day, my call to the doctor and their recommendations. I then hung up the phone. I followed-up by putting in writing (over DW’s objections) essentially what I said on the phone so that I have documented evidence that I actually gave her a second update regarding S2’s illness for the day. I also told her to never contact me more than 1 time per day for any sort of update ever again. If there is something I feel she should know - I will email her with the information as I always have, without fail, for the last 4-years.

As an aside - while discussing with the boys how S2’s week went last week, S1 complained that S2 was “manipulating” PEW and Aunt PP into giving him “lots of milkshakes, running down to the convenience store and buying him all kinds of candy” and how he’s essentially been eating like crap the entire week he was the most sick. I must admit that it took a great deal of restraint on my part to not show outright anger at the news - I just let them spill the beans - and then calmly explained to them both that when they are sick, that’s the last thing that they need to be eating and that no matter how much they love their junk… when you’re seriously sick, that’s when you need to be eating the smartest.

Then, I went for a walk in the crisp, dark, evening air.

And after all that…

After filing the petition for a restraining order on September 2nd, 2004, a hearing was scheduled for the following week on September 8th. PEW was appropriately served her notice and showed up with her legal representation. After lengthy discussion with my attorney, he was confident that I could handle this on my own and effectively told me to stick to the facts as I had presented them in the petition and do not deviate. Explain the story, provide your evidence (police reports and calls) and it should be granted.

Now, many attorneys do their “pro bono” work as may be required by their firms during restraining order issues. I was approached by one and decided to go ahead and take it. With a few hours to go until it was our turn, I filled him in on all of the details and he agreed that it was quite likely that I would get the restraining order.

I requested the following:

• Restrain Defendant from abusing, threatening, harassing, or stalking Plaintiff and/or minor children in any place where Plaintiff may be found.
• Evict/exclude Defendant from Plaintiff’s residence and prohibit Defendant from attempting to enter any temporary or permanent residence of Plaintiff.
• Award Plaintiff temporary custody of the minor children and place the following restrictions on contact between the Defendant and the children: “Any agreed-upon visitation requires an exchange no closer than the driveway of the marital residence with no entry into the home.”
• Prohibit Defendant from having any contact with Plaintiff and/or minor children either in person, by telephone, or in writing, personally or through third persons, including but not limited to any contact at school, business, or place of employment, except as the court may find necessary with respect to partial custody and/or visitation with the minor children.
• Prohibit Defendant from having any contact with the Plaintiff’s relatives and Plaintiff’s children listed in this petition, except as the court may find necessary with respect to partial custody and/or visitation with the minor children.
• Order Defendant to temporarily turn over weapons to the sheriff of this county and prohibit Defendant from transferring, acquiring, or possessing any such weapons for the duration of the order.
• Order Defendant to pay temporary support for Plaintiff and/or minor children, including medical support and payment of the rent or mortgage on the residence.
• Direct Defendant to pay Plaintiff for the reasonable financial losses suffered as a result of the abuse, to be determined at hearing.
• Order Defendant to pay the costs of this action, including filing and service fees.
• Order Defendant to pay Plaintiff’s reasonable attorney’s fees.
• Grant such relief as the court deems appropriate.
• Order the police or other law enforcement agency to serve Defendant with a copy of this petition, any order issued and the order for hearing. The petitioner will inform the designated authority of any addresses, other than the Defendant’s residence, where Defendant can be served.

So, my pro bono attorney meets with the other side to try to get the lay of the land and see what he can make happen. When he returns after a lengthy discussion, he informs me that the other side is willing to accept the petition with one exception - that the children be excluded from the restraint.

When I explain to him that the greater portion of my fear is that the children could ultimately be harmed by her increasingly escalating behaviors, the attorney explains that I have a solid case on the firearms issue. She will be found guilty and the court would very likely impose all of that which I have asked for, except the temporary custody of the children. I allow myself to be talked into it. We avoid the hearing by allowing everything relevant to my own protection to proceed, most importantly, her immediate turning-over of the firearms to the Sheriff’s department. And again, I get another lesson in the mother-favoritism in family court.

Another hindsight lesson for anyone in a similar spot is here. While I will always suggest that you default to listening to the attorney’s advice, I will now suggest that you follow your gut… follow your instincts… do a risk/reward analysis. I believe I made a mistake in listening to this attorney’s advice as I had nothing to lose by going to a hearing. In that situation, where there is truly no downside to proceeding - PROCEED and see if you can get all of the relief you’ve asked for. I wasn’t going to jail. I wasn’t going to be sanctioned. I had the complete upper-hand. And I gave away a potentially strong opportunity to gain primary, if not sole, custody of the children because of PEW’s criminal behavior. I let the “expert” talk me into this because of the mantra “always listen to your attorney.” Well, folks… I’m hear to tell you that attorneys can be wrong. Attorneys make mistakes. Attorneys can give bad advice. Assess each situation on its own merits and if your instincts are telling you to follow through with the hearing and there is literally no downside to trying to push through and get what you asked for - JUST DO IT!

I thought that between winning the hearing over the schooling issue followed so closely by these events and subsequent restraining order being accepted by her without a fight/defense, I had a couple of major tools needed to protect myself and gain primary custody of the children. I would be able to protect them from her madness. My confidence level was quite high.

Still, following the advice of the pro bono attorney and not following through on the hearing, even though I still get the PFA, was probably another of several big blunders on my part. My high confidence level would soon be shattered as we go through the custody evaluation and panic begins to take hold.

The restraining order was entered for a duration of 18-months. I received exclusive possession of the marital home (though she wasn’t required to make any contributions to the mortgage or upkeep, which pretty much was the same as when we were married). She was required to turn over the stolen firearms to the Sheriff’s office.

In an early example of PEW’s penchant for willful disregard of court orders, I received a call from her 2-weeks after this hearing. She explained to me that her neighbors told her that a couple of Sheriff’s officers were looking for her at her place earlier in the day and if I had anything to do with it. I told her that I did not.

It turns out, she hadn’t turned over the firearms to the Sheriff’s department and a bench warrant was issued for her arrest. In keeping with her ability to get out of certain trouble - she turned over the firearms shortly thereafter. Still, she had to go before the court and explain the delay in compliance. I wasn’t there for it, but I’m sure she turned on the crying faucet, made some lame excuse, and was not sanctioned for her willful disobedience of the court’s orders. She is contempt of court, she is already in violation of the PFA by continuing to hold the firearms - and NOTHING is done. No sanctions. No arrest. No penalty whatsoever. 4-years later, I’m no longer surprised when these things happen to me or anyone else.