The Psycho Ex Wife

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This is a long one. Get your popcorn ready.

Once the original (pre-relocation) custody agreement was put in place, she immediately filed for a modification of support (despite previous claims that she wouldn’t in order to get things settled).  Just to be clear, the amount of support I would be left to pay would have been the same given the arrangement.  Staying or going didn’t change that.

My first attorney would make a huge mistake here that would be the last one I would allow.  In what would prove to be the first of many disagreements over appropriate childcare, my attorney would mistakenly indicate at the support conference that I was okay with PEW’s arrangements for a private babysitter (a friend).  While I don’t think it would have changed the contentiousness that would exist over the issue, I just couldn’t stand for such a glaring error.  I mean, it was precisely the opposite of what I had conveyed to him.

The figures were something like this:  for 3-months (before my health insurance kicked-in) - my child support figure would be 45.5% of my net income.  After 3-months, it would go down to 40.0% of my net income.  Given my possible living arrangements in the area, after rent for an apartment, I would have been left with less than $1,000/month with which to take care of all other regular expenses: food, insurances, gas, utilities, clothes, shoes, phone, etc.  That meant no savings nor planning for my own future, let alone the future of the children.  That was impossible even minimizing things.  Had I gone bare-bones basic, I likely would have been left with a place to live that those in the family court cartel would have scrutinized as being inadequate for the 2 children, which likely would have led to a further erosion of my custody time (and a likely further increase in child support). Remember - this child support figure was calculated using a licensed, certified childcare facility. This is important to remember because almost immediately after this was entered as the order, she would not put the kids into the childcare center we had agreed to.

Making matters worse, PEW was “padding her financial stats” to make sure that I ended up paying for things she claimed at a high rate of expense, when she was paying out less than disclosed to the court.  Her primary area of making extra money was by exploiting the childcare arrangements for which she would later be found in contempt of court. This would be the first example of this:

LM,

I was just offered a job yesterday that I am taking. It is a regular mon-fri 9-5 workweek. Here’s my question for you. I’d like to see if one of the mom’s at S2’s school would consider watching him for the rest of the school year, so that he could finish out the year at [St. Church's], but at the same time I’m thinking and wondering if you’re going to give me a problem with paying her. Most people want cash for this, they don’t want to claim it as income. The problem is when we go to the support conference, If it’s not an actual day care setting….are you going to have a problem paying half?

Also, it would be nice to work out this custody thing so I can start making arrangements for them to go to summer camp on the weeks they are with me. Also, what are your plans for them in the summer? Will they be going to camp? Staying home while you’re at work?

I really had to make this work move because of you moving. There was no way I was going to be able to cover those 2 or 3 weekends. It’s too much and I called a nanny service and I’d have to pay more than I make.

~PEW

So, the shenanigans are already starting. The only point I’d like to make here is that her last paragraph is a lie. She didn’t make his job change because of my moving, as much as she would like to portray that as reality. She was planning this move for sometime as previous posts have detailed. She leveraged her stay-at-home-during-the-week status to win the primary custody recommendation from the custody evaluation. PEW repeatedly informed me that she would be taking a 9-5 job for since the summer of 2004. Further, given how normal interview processes take, she was fully involved in job-seeking before I ever disclosed to her that I was taking a new job and relocating… it was only about 2-weeks later that she told me this.

This was followed up by another custody settlement plea from her…

LM,

I am writing this to beg you to please re-consider what you are trying to do with the custody. I spoke to two other attorneys who informed me that you’ll never get every other weekend because it’s too much for the children. They said none of the judges would go for that. The summer deal, we can tweak it, but I’m not going for all summer. I can’t just drive over there and visit at will. You were always welcome here when you were around the corner, but you never took me up on it. I don’t think the kids (especially S2) could be away from me ALL SUMMER. If you want to split it this summer 50/50, 2 weeks there, 2 weeks here, 2 there, 2 here….I can do that.

~PEW

Followed by…

LM,

I can’t keep spending thousands of dollars on this attorney. I’m going broke. I want to get the kids into a house.

Same for the support. If the attorney’s could just work together then we wouldn’t have to go to a conference. There are guidelines in place for just that reason. They come up with a figure then we agree or disagree and that saves us from having to sit up in [court house] for a whole afternoon and me having to pay my attorney a whole weeks pay to sit there with me.

Working with me on this would go a long long way to burying the hatchet….PLEASE

~PEW

Sad. Pathetic. It’s all about what she wants. Her plea is centered around her belief that the children won’t be able to handle being away from “her” all summer. I guess all of her posturing and fighting over the course of the prior year to minimize their time with me wouldn’t adversely affect the children, right? My proposal was to reverse the custody arrangement for the summer and that would be “too much” for the children to handle. But the 9-months that they’re in school and I am living that arrangement, well, that doesn’t matter so much.

Conveniently, she wants to pick a provider that wants to make sure she is paid in such a way as there is no accounting for the actual costs. No surprise there.

Oh, and if I just accede to her demands, THEN she’ll bury the hatchet. Yeah, right between my eyes as she’s always done.

PEW,

The problem is when we go to the support conference, If it’s not an actual day care setting, there is no accountability for the costs associated with your friend, JM. Further, we can’t claim it on our taxes. Finally - we could get into a heap of trouble due to the whole nanny tax issue that seems to be all over the news lately.

At this time, I have not made any plans for them for the Summer as the custody issue remains unresolved. If you are not amenable to having primary custody revert to me during the Summer, we’ll have to go to court to resolve the matter, unfortunately.

~LM

Her reply…

LM,

You still didn’t answer the question about child care. If it is a private home setting till June for S2 are you going to give me a problem with sharing that expense? I’m sure people aren’t going to want to report it as income. If it is going to be a problem then I guess I’ll have to go with a traditional day care. Which I may have to do anyway if I can’t find someone.

I got one of the mom’s at [St. Church's] to watch S2. JM, she’s the president of the CYO. She also subs for S2’s teacher so he already knows her. It will be $160/week. S1’s will be $15/day. In sept. it will be a little more for S2 because he’ll be going full time, 5 days/week at a nursury school, I’m not sure which one yet.

~PEW

$160/week with her “friend.” This was far more expensive than other options available to us for S2. It’s important to remember that he would be watched for exactly 3 half-days. Of course, S1’s aftercare, which amounted to pretty close to the same amount of time over a full week at school, would only be $75. Something doesn’t add up here.

I told her that I was not in agreement with her unilaterally choosing JM to watch S2 and things escalated from there. She told me that she didn’t have to consult with me on childcare. Wrong. She absolutely did.

(more…)

Given the rather significant change in circumstances that was pending, I contacted my attorney and asked him to float a custody proposal to the psycho ex-wife’s attorney.  THIS time, I wouldn’t make the same mistake as I did in the fall of 2004.  I would account for the summer.

Dear PEWAttorney1,

As per our telephone conversation, I write to confirm that LM has accepted a change in jobs and will be relocating to [home-state].

We would propose a modification of the custody schedule as follows:

• During the school year, LM would have the children every other weekend with PEW having primary physical custody.
• During the summer, LM would have primary physical custody commencing one week after school ends with the children being returned one week prior to school commencing in the fall.
• PEW would have one additional week of vacation of her choosing.

As for the holidays, alternate Easter weekends with PEW having the children in 2005.

Alternate Thanksgiving weekend (defined as Thursday through Sunday) with LM having the children in 2005.

Alternate Christmas (defined as Christmas Eve through Christmas Day) with PEW having the children in 2005.

Mother’s Day weekend with Mother, Father’s Day weekend with Father.

LM advises that the distance is approximately 3-1/2 hours and would propose that the parties split the driving by either meeting half-way or by one party driving to pick-up and the other party driving to drop-off.

Finally, I have spoken to LM about the matter of child support and he is getting together the necessary financial documents which I will forward to you as soon as I receive them.

I look forward to hearing from you at your convenience.

Sincerely,
LMAttorney1

Yeah, looking back, it’s kind of weak.  Still.  Anyway, I expected a counter.  What I didn’t expect was that it would be so ridiculously restrictive as to be completely worthless in terms of a settlement.  The PEW was a pathological persuer of conflict and she had an enabling attorney to whip her into a frenzy.

Dear Mr. LMAttorney1,

I have reviewed your client’s proposal with my client.  The proposed schedule is too onerous for the children.  PEW will agree to the following partial custody with your client:

1. Two weekends per month.  One in [home-state].  One in [custody-state] at the father’s expense.  If father would like a second monthly visit in [custody-state] to be with one of his local family members, PEW will assist with the driving.  As for the one visit in [home-state], PEW will meet half-way in one direction work schedule permitting.  LM is to provide transportation solely for the other visit.  The visit to [home-state] must be Friday to Sunday as Saturday to Sunday is too much traveling for the boys in too short a time period.
2. The summer shall be shared 50/50.  If this is acceptable, we will discuss a schedule.
3. If our client’s can agree on a basic custody schedule, we can fine tune the holidays.
4. Based on your client’s history, PEW will insist that a custody order include a provision for monthly drug testing as this move means the children will spending extraordinary time traveling in a car.  We can make this provision apply to both parties if LM would like.

Based upon our previous conversation, it is my understanding that LM will be adding the children to his health insurance after 90 days of employment.  Based on this, PEW will temporarily add the children to her health insurance policy.  I remind you that this cost will be $276.00/month.  Be advised that PEW will have to seriously alter her work schedule to accommodate LM.  If she loses her job as a result, there will be no health insurance and support will have to be adjusted until she can find new employment.

Very Truly Yours,
Asshole Attorney

With terms like that, why bother having custody at all, eh?  What a joke.  It would have been less offensive for them to respond on the firm’s letter head, “Our response to your custody proposal is NO.”

Dissecting the response to demonstrate how ludicrous it is beyond the surface text:

Item 1:

They expect that I will agree to something that will become a court order that will, in part, require me to impose upon my brothers, who themselves have families and lives to lead.  So, that part is impossible.

The driving “assistance” must have been conceived by an imbecile.  For visits that would take place in [home state] she would “assist with the driving.”  Ummm… if I have to come all the way back to [custody state] THERE IS NO ASSISTANCE WITH DRIVING THAT WOULD BE AVAILABLE TO ASSIST WITH! So, she put in a provision that would require her to do - nothing.  Good for her.

The primary motivation behind taking the new job and relocating was due to the financial strain I was under with a $1,400+ per month support order that was forthcoming.  So, in order to make things more difficult, I would have to bear the expense of hotel and eating out for 2-days and 2-nights during my mandatory [custody-state] visit.  No, being cooped-up in a hotel room for the weekend wouldn’t be “too onerous on the children.”  What a loon.

Keeping in mind, her current job at the time had her working 2nd-shift Friday nights and back-to-back double-shifts Saturday and Sunday.  So, when she says “schedule permitting” for assisting with the one-way driving for the one permitted visit to [home state], her schedule wouldn’t permit it at all!  Perfectly idiotic.

Zero concessions there.

Item 2:

The summer will be 50/50 and if I agree to that, we will discuss a schedule.  Can you say, “billable hours?”  What the hell would there be to discuss, exactly?  Further, it’s not enough that she has primary custody for fully 9-months of the year, she can’t even relinquish primary custody to me for the not quite 3-months that make up the summer.  The only thing should could have done to be a bigger bitch about this was to say, “no.”

Item 3:

IF I agree to their basic custody schedule, we can “fine tune” the holidays.  What the hell is there to fine tune?  Did I ask if anyone reading knew of the term “billable hours?”  It’s a rather basic, standard holiday custody schedule and they were prepared to nitpick the shit out of that, too.

Item 4:

No shot.  I actually verbally agreed to it, but told them that they would have to bear 100% of the costs of the testing and I would be the one choosing both the test method and test facility.  Needless to say, they didn’t go for that.

As for her closing statement, I actually heard a rumor that she was going to be taking a new job working regular hours.  If you’ve been following along, she only worked this job and this schedule as leverage to win the custody war.  She said all along that afterwards, she was going to switch to a regular job and put the children in daycare.  I will post soon about her taking a  new job at the same time I was and making good on that threat, too.  Her plan worked to perfection, God bless her… and she played everyone of the professionals in the system like a seasoned fiddler!

It also meant that the whole dramatic “alteration of schedule” and possible “job loss” was complete bullshit, too.

We had researched case law that without any ambiguity, supported the custody request I  was making.  Mom gets primary during the school year.  Dad gets primary during the summer.  Of course, the same should be applied with the genders reversed, which I also suggested but was turned down, unsurprisingly.

Some 2-weeks later she made a new overture about settling the custody matter.   I had enough of floating proposals on anything, so I emailed her saying…

If you have a proposal, please have it drawn up and sent to my attorney for review. Sorry, but given past mind-changes and alterations/changes made (by you) after agreements between you and I had apparently be struck, it is simply the only way to proceed.

She sent me a proposal that was no different than the one detailed above. I kid you not. So, in an effort to wrap this mess up, I offered three scenarios on a “take-it or leave-it” basis and then I would just go to court because I did still manage to believe that I had a good chance of getting more than the shit they were proposing. Here was my last attempt:

PEW,

Scenario 1:

My preference would be to have primary physical custody of the children during the school year and you to have primary physical custody during the Summer. If that is something you would agree to, just reverse the following two scenarios. If it is not something you would agree to, please consider the following two scenarios.

Scenario 2:

1) I get the boys every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night, beginning March 11th.

2) In the Summer (after school ends), you get the boys every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night.

Effectively, you have primary physical custody during the school year, I have primary physical custody during the Summer.

Scenario 3:

1) I get the boys every other weekend from Friday night until Sunday night, beginning March 11th.

2) After S1’s school year is over, the following Summer schedule is proposed:

- 6/26 evening until 7/3 evening with Father.
- 7/3 evening until 7/10 evening with Mother.
- 7/10 evening until 7/31 evening with Father.
- 7/31 evening until 8/7 evening with Mother.
- 8/7 evening until 9/4 evening with Father.
- 9/4 evening we revert back to school year every other weekend schedule with you having primary custody.

Effectively, you have primary physical custody during the school year, I have primary physical custody during the Summer.

Our current holiday schedule would remain the same with some tweaks necessary for days/duration.

If you agree to none of these, I will simply understand and we will have to find out what happens in court. I will not engage in a back-and-forth and back-and-forth with you as we’ve done in the past because that hasn’t worked. I’ve offered three very reasonable scenarios. I don’t need you to reply about who you’ve talked to and what they’ve said about who will win what. A simple choice of a scenario or a polite refusal to accept any of them will suffice, please.

~LM

Needless to say, there would be no agreement. We would go through another custody evaluation (CE2) and have several hearings before the matter would be settled, if you can call it that, again.

Mixed amongst the recent Easter holiday discussion, the psycho ex-wife brought up the support modification issue again, claiming to want to settle out of court rather than go to a conference and possible subsequent hearing.  The last installment of this series was the 3/18/2009 Job Loss, Child Support Modification Update.

LM,

I’m probably going to have a conflict with the conference date, so I may have to ask for a continuance. Can you tell me specifically what you want the support reduced to? maybe we can just avoid this altogether.

~PEW

I’ve spoken before that the 50/50 shared custody circumstances require a slightly different approach to child support. Simply put - the higher-earner pays the lower-earner to “equalize the income between the households” in shared-income model states. (It has nothing to do with supporting the children.) In our state, for the purposes of child support, the higher earner is always the NCP. If job/pay circumstances change (involuntarily) - they’ll change the designation of the parents so that someone is always paying support if the disparity in income is large enough.  It’s in the state’s best interests to do so.

Long-story short, barring a change on the job front, PEW will have to pay child support to me for the time being. This assumes that neither the conference officer or subsequently the judge (if it comes to a hearing) deviates from the state statutes - always a possibility.

PEW floated the idea of me running the numbers, and I did so, roughly, accounting for income difference and factoring in the expected health insurance and child care costs. It looks like she’ll likely have to pay somewhere between $200 and $300 per month. She’ll be stuck with arrears going back to the date I filed for the modification (March 4th). This arrears will also include everything that I am still paying to her based upon my employment income because of how slow the process is and her failure to agree to vacate the order so that I could obtain the state’s health insurance for the kids at no-cost. (Previously detailed.)

I’ve hesitated to disclose my findings to her (assuming I am correct) because I know it will drive her over the edge. PEW is one of those women who don’t believe women should have to pay child support. She is one of those who believe only fathers should be required to pay and it’s a crime against humanity when a woman has to pay child support.

So, I try a different tactic, reminding her of what my UEC is [gross pay] and suggest she run the numbers because “I just haven’t had the time to do it.”

I send back:

PEW,

As for the support modification, I still haven’t gotten around to running the numbers. My UEC is [this much] gross pay if calculated out to a yearly figure. I think in this instance, I’d rather prefer you make the first offer anyway.

~LM

Obviously, a consistent pattern of being unable to effectively negotiate or settle anything with PEW is what drove my suggestion that she run the numbers and toss out an offer. In reality, I just wanted to get a sense of what she is thinking in order to prepare for the inevitability that we’ll be going through the formal process.

LM,

As far as the support, you pay the health insurance for one, I’ll pay for the other. You pay for your childcare weeks and I’ll pay for mine. I think that’s fair. Then you pay nothing to me, only your expenses. We split the medical 50/50. I mean, I really don’t think it matters that your yearly salary is [x-figure] on unemployment because I hope to GOD you’re looking for a job. Your losing another job shouldn’t make me suffer again and lose my house etc.

~PEW

As I figured. It’s my fault she’s in a perpetual state of financial crisis. If she loses her home, it will be my fault. She shouldn’t have to pay child support according to the same statutes as we’ve used when I made more money than her. That’s something only men and fathers are required to do.

Of course I’m looking for a job. Looking hard. In this mess of an economy, it’s probably going to prove to be significantly harder than it was when the last company I worked for closed-up and relocated. It took my nearly 9 months to find a job in 2007. I pray it doesn’t take me nearly that long to find a new one.

In the aftermath of the Easter discussion, she wrote:

LM,

I’ll see you on the 27th at the conference, I’ll rearrange my plans, I’m not cutting you ANY slack at all.

~PEW

This, I already knew.  Next installment:  The Support Conference.

Continuing from Negotiating with a Terrorist Part V…

At the end of the last exchange, I drew my line in the sand and was prepared to hold my ground.  Giving in again only meant that she would up the ante as she has consistently done in the past.  I was tired of her “pay me more money or I’ll litigate” threat and essentially told her to go ahead and litigate. So she came back with this…

PEW:

LM,

Well, I want primary physical custody. Sun night thru friday. One weekend per month.

I’ll take the car and the $5g, since that’s what you’re stuck on.

Just like we talked about, but I’m not giving up primary after all I went though. It was [custody evaluator #1's] proffessional opinion that the children’s best interest would be served that way and that’s the way it should be. Like I said, I’ll be filing for a court date on monday. Please spare me wasting my time reading any more useless emails. I have nothing else to add. I was never taking the $5g in lieu of the van. I was taking it because of the fact that you’ve made alot more money than me in the 401k. You’re not thinking about the kids, you’re thinking about #1, and that’s you.

~PEW

Comment: Knucklehead just refuses to get it. It doesn’t matter how much money was made or contributed to the 401Ks. We were splitting the combined 401Ks 50-50!!! Keep in mind, she was getting half of both my contributions and earnings which occurred during a period of time where she was contributing NOTHING… and still she thinks she’s getting “ripped off.” Entitlement of the highest order.

LM:

PEW,

Then everything should be at your attorney’s office today. I will call the realtor and schedule a meeting time once everything is signed off. Additionally, I will sign the consent for divorce, too.

~LM

PEW:

LM,

Then everything should be at your attorney’s office today. I will call the realtor and schedule a meeting time once everything is signed off. Additionally, I will sign the consent for divorce, too.

~PEW

There, the negotiation ended. Or so I thought. A couple of things occurred which would see me screw myself unintentionally out of custodial time with the children. I made the mistake, my attorney didn’t catch it, and I was stuck. Further, one mistake I did find was corrected before it became a huge problem. My attorney’s administration made a typo that turned that $5,000 into $50,000. I nearly pooped myself because I knew the agreement was already on its way to her attorney. But my frantic phone calls and emailing her detailing the nature of the error ultimately got it corrected.

Soon thereafter, I got this… (more about the money for who?)

PEW:

LM,Your attorney will be getting the agreement back with a few minor changes. One being that the $70/month alimony will end upon the divorce decree not signing the agreement. I think that was really the only issue.

~PEW

Minor changes? In PEW’s mind only.   APL wasn’t “$70/month” - it was a little over $200/month.  The minor changes included:

1. Giving her a “90-day warranty” on the car.  Yep, anything goes wrong with the car, I pay for the repairs.
2. Instead of the alimony ending when we sign-off, the alimony will continue until the divorce decree is issued (buying her a few extra months of cash, surprise… surprise…)
3. I pay her back any lost profit due to having to defer a payment of the mortgage.   The unmitigated gall of someone who never contributed a dime towards the mortgage except in the rare emergency situation and who had paid NOTHING towards it in years.

Still, I signed-off on all of them.  I was out of time.  I was out of money.  I was out of patience.  I just wanted it over and I had gotten 50/50 custody of the children back… or so I thought.

But, the “negotiations” were over at this point.  We both signed-off on the agreement, I put the house up for sale, and began to look into finding appropriate housing for the future, very sad that the boys had to be uprooted again with unforeseen changes coming againt to their lives due to the sheer greed (and nothing else) of their idiot mother… who will have spent more in legal fees than she got in this settlement.

Continued from Negotiating with a Terrorist - Part IV…

With the costs of everything to this point in time (December 2004) and the Psycho Ex-Wife having had the house reappraised at a higher figure than when she decided to walk out… I was sinking fast and couldn’t stay in the house much longer. It was time to start getting out from under the strain and take the next step in this process. The housing market was RED HOT at that time, but we still couldn’t be certain how long it might take to sell the marital home.

LM:

PEW,

I didn’t jerk you around. We came to an agreement, and again, you rescinded. I’m very sorry about that. I’m very sorry we have to go to court.

I’ll be in touch about what we’re going to do about the mortgage… I can’t pay it, so our option are:

- Default.
- You and I have to sign-up for an interest-only refinance asap so that I can continue to afford to make the payments without our credit getting wrecked.

Please let me know right away how you wish to proceed because this is a HUGE issue that has a significant impact on both of our futures.

Please advise right away and I can schedule an appointment with the bank to refi the loan into an interest-only mortgage until the equitable distribution matter is settled. We need to hurry because the mortgage was due yesterday and the grace period expires very soon. The interest only refinance is the only way for us to protect our credit.

~LM

PEW:

LM,

No, you can move out. I’ll move in and pay the mortgage until it sells. The house needs to get up for sale regardless. Don’t try to threaten and manipulate me. I need to call [my attorney] ASAP obviously if you are about to default on our mortgage.

~PEW

Comment: Call her attorney for what? Is the attorney somehow magically going to make me pay a mortgage that I don’t have the ability to pay? I wonder if there will come a day that she’ll realize that she probably more than doubled her legal fees with such silliness.

LM:

PEW,

I’m not threatening nor manipulating you. My finances are what they are and WE’RE in a bind because WE can’t come to a fair agreement. I offered all I can and you want to litigate (again).

I’m giving you the courtesy of a head’s up and we need to do something about this. I can’t “move out” today, so if you want to go ahead and pay the mortgage for December… let me know. Otherwise, instead of reacting angrily, please consider the options that we have before us… and I will start asking around to see if I can get into someplace quickly.

~LM

PEW:

LM,

If I am going to be living there for Dec. I’ll pay the mortgage. I was willing to move into the house in Sept and share expenses. You didn’t want that. You get out. I’ll pay the mortgage. What happened to listing it? Who is this person your brother used? Do you need me to make the call?

Basically what we’re litigating over is the Van. How bout I drive the van till may? Then we sell it.  This is another one of those situations where if it’s not your way it’s the highway, there’s no negotiating. I don’t want to litigate this but like I said…..you want to split hairs, I might as well, I’ve lived in hell this long what’s a few more months.

~PEW

Comment: Is that what you call breaking into the house without warning, threatening to shoot me, and then starting fights for two days… “offering to stay in the house and share expenses” ??? This is the type of fiction she creates for herself regularly and worse, actually believes! Again, she is trying to leverage her cash payout by using the threat of more legal fees to get me to spend it one way or the other. Is there any doubt that she cares about nothing else? Not the kids. Not even herself. Dumb as a rock.

LM:

PEW,

I told you before… I cannot give you the van and the cash.

I’m flexible here, you are not. You can tell yourself otherwise from now until doomsday… but all I’ve done is come up and up and up with the settlement offers.

You make the choice:

- 50/50 house, van, no alimony… we’re settled.
- 50/50 house, $5,000 cash, car, no alimony… we’re settled.

YOU made the decision the other night. If you insist on litigation, we’ll put the house up when the judge says so.

Don’t you realize that even if [your attorney's] 60/40 is in the offing, and let’s use 100G for the sake of simple math…

You would get 60G I would 40G… and then IF [your attorney's] conservative estimate for pre-marital equity is accurate… it becomes 55G.

The offer on the table is 50G + 5G cash and the car.

Why you want to litigate this defies explanation unless you are just out to be vindictive and make this difficult not only on me, but on the boys?

Is your object to bankrupt me so that the kids have no future… no two happy homes to reside in? I mean, are you really thinking of the children here?

Is approximately $55,000 dollars and a car in perfect working order just not enough for you?

You say sell the van? I’m offering you half of what is expected to be gotten by selling it, and then what are you left with in May? No vehicle? How does any of this make any sense, PEW, I don’t understand.

[Your attorney's] response is to go 50/50 (non-house sale) and if we don’t force litigation, she will pursue more in court. I’ve done what I can to do a similar proposal, post-sale.

I’ve offered 50/50 post-house sale (since we know I can’t keep it)… and an even swap on vehicles (either car and cash or van and no cash).

Do you think a judge will look favorably upon your agreement to settle and then rescind again? This really seems silly to me. I want to settle. I’ve made every effort to settle. You’ve agreed and now you’ve backed out again. Every time I offer something more, you ask for something additional, even after you agreed. What happened to the good feelings and positive outlook we had in the last few days to turn you so angry and defiant again?

~LM

Comment: She is a stone-cold frigging idiot. (And so am I for repeatedly trying to use rationale and logic with twisted personality like The PEW.)

PEW:

LM,

I’m not angry or defiant. I just was thinking about the fact that I have to drive S1 to and from school for the rest of the year. I’m not so confident that the car is going to be reliable. I don’t want to litigate like I said. You’re the one who is not negotiating. All I asked for is more time to think and all the sudden you’re defaulting on the mortgage…..taking me to court etc… It’s more of the same from you LM….more of the same. I do want friendly, coparenting, and all that….I also want what is fair and equitable. Is there no price on what you’ve done to me this year?

~PEW

Comment: Oh, but of course… the oft-used price tag for the alleged horrors she has suffered all these years. I cannot begin to remember how many times those of you who have written told me that you’ve heard this one in various versions. The projection continues… she’s the one not negotiating, she’s the one threatening to call her attorney, she’s the one threatening court, she wants more time while complaining at the same time about how much time it has taken… and she still writes (and believes) that it’s me who is doing it. “Batshit crazy” is a term I’ve seen used in similar circumstances.

LM:

PEW,

I do not want to get into a debate over who has done what to whom… who has filed what against whom… we had made our apologies for how things have transpired during our recent discussions… and I thought we agreed to move on.

I’m not “defaulting” on the mortgage… we have options and we’re going to have to work together to protect both of our interests. That likely means agreeing to refi to an interest-only mortgage so that I can maintain the house while we get matters settled and put it up for sale. If you want to be stubborn and uncooperative, there is a risk there… for BOTH of us.

I have negotiated to death here. My first couple of offers were in an effort to be fair based on the sale price of the original appraisal. You didn’t agree, and I can appreciate that. I’ve come up more than twice since then and now we are at 50/50 based upon the post-sale price of the house and me going with [your attorney's] extremely conservative pre-marital equity figure.

We came to terms the other night and now you are backing out and accusing ME of “taking you to court” and “my way or the highway.” I asked you what you expected and you told me. I asked you if you would take the car and $5,000 cash instead of the van and you said yes. If you want the van, tell me so, but don’t now say… “I want the van and $5,000 cash.” That’s not negotiating PEW and contrary to your contention, it is “your way or the highway” - not mine.

I’m negotiated out. You are walking away with a little bit more than 50% of everything. That’s fair. That’s equitable… and it stops the contentiousness, the litigation, the costs, and the heartache. The court will look at facts and figures, not at how much harm you feel has been perpetrated upon you with all of the filings that you have initiated and my reaction to same.

Continuing this way is only robbing the boys of our ability to provide them the best future possible. I’m praying you realize that before everything goes really south and we have credit problems, continue to pay lawyers… continue to roll up costs… The money we spend is taking from them.

I’m not backing out of our agreement here. If you DON’T want the car and the cash, take the van. But don’t come to me saying, I want the van and the cash… and then accuse me of being the one saying “my way or the highway.” It’s not fair, and it’s not the truth. You’re the one with the choice here. All you have to do is tell [your attorney] to switch from the car and cash to the van, sign it, send it back, and I’ll sign off on it. If you are going to hold out for the van and the cash, I’m sorry about that.

~LM

Repeat myself much? The only think I left out was Graaaawwwwkk! POLLY WANNA CRACKER!!!

It’s almost over, folks… to be continued in the conclusion…