The Psycho Ex Wife

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A reader recently asked me:

I’ve always wondered why the money is so important to them and why it’s such an issue? In our case again, the power was turned off in the home of  [PEW] a few weeks back (misapplied payment by the utility company is the story) but in the same week she is bragging to the children she is going golfing (pardon my judgmental side but isn’t golf expensive?) and then this past weekend whisked the children off to an expensive water park resort for several days.

Now, by “them” - the readers means one or more of the following:

• The perpetually high-conflict ex-spouse.
• The ex-partner suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.
• The ex-partner suffering from any personality disorder or other mental illness.

The money is “so important” to them for two major reasons:

#1 - It’s your punishment for doing them so wrong. A perpetual fine that has nothing to do with the children. In their sick minds, each child support check is, to them, validation that you did do them harm and this is your penalty for having done so.

#2 - It’s keeps the ex (you/DH) tied to them. You can NEVER be truly free of them if you’re paying child support. Even if you have zero-communication otherwise, that check keeps you tied to them. This makes them happier than you can imagine.

~Mister-M

On the job front, nothing new to report.  Despite nearly 100 resume submissions and hundreds of total “contacts” - 2 phone calls.  1 interview.  Other than that… *crickets*

Today, I re-upped with my attorney.  A painful experience financially.  As it’s been more than 2-years now since I’ve needed her for anything other than in an advisory capacity… the retainer went up (to $2,000) as did her hourly rate (from $225/hour to $295/hour).  Ugh.  The road just got a bit rockier.  That’s $2,000 that is desperately needed on the home front.

Also, D-Mac isn’t available for the continued date 3 weeks from now, so it will likely be continued again, not that it matters anymore.

Unfortunately, this is our only option.   Had I gotten stuck with what happened at the last conference/hearing, the costs would have been much more than this retainer.  The worst-case outcome is something we don’t really want to think about.  And I still shake my head that this is all about her latest, fruitless effort to uncover my fictional hidden income.  I’m figuring her attorney already cost her $2,000, what with all of the subpoenas, motions, and the 5-hours (or more) from the original hearing.  Again, all for a situation that is (we hope and pray) - temporary to the short side of time.

One evening late last week, my phone rang.  I was surprised to see my tax preparer’s name pop up on my display.  My taxes are done.  Refunds paid.  Pretty straightforward, single W-2 easy squeezy tax return year.

I came to know of “Pete” the tax preparer through a friend.  Pete is somewhere on the top side of 70 and he is a retired accountant and tax preparer.  One of the nicest, most pleasant men you would ever want to meet.  As sharp as anyone I know.  He and his wife are great people.  He is also extremely informative and helpful when it comes to taxes and tax prep.

I answer the phone pleasantly enough only to be greeted with what was a mild panic attack on the part of Pete.  It seems he was on vacation for the prior couple of weeks with his wife.  He returned to find a DHL Express Letter at his door-step.  Inside, a subpoena to appear and testify at the hearing which had already passed a week earlier.  Poor guy.

He was upset and thought he might be in trouble for not appearing, repeatedly explaining he was on vacation.  I managed to calm him down by explaining that the matter was continued until a later date and that he would be in no trouble.  (I’m guessing he had never been subpoenaed before.)

He asked the obvious questions and his panic turned quickly to irritation.  Why was he needed?  What the hell information could he provide?  I asked to speak frankly and he gave me the green light.  So, I replied, “Quite simply, Pete, my ex-wife is a crazy bitch and I’m very sorry that you’ve been bothered with my personal mess.  She thinks I have some hidden income and I guess her and her attorney believe that you are privy to such information despite being provided a W-2 and a copy of my tax return.” He agreed that he has nothing to testify about that isn’t on the tax return and was going to call PEW’s attorney and tell her so.

After some idle chit-chat, we hung up.  I hope he is still my tax preparer when I call him again next year.  I haven’t heard from the friend from whom I got the referral and I’ll just hope that word doesn’t get back to her.  I’m sure that this guy doesn’t need this kind of stress.

The collateral damage a PEW can cause is limitless.  She has twice failed in her attempts to prove to the court that I have “hidden income.”  That’s because I don’t have any hidden income.  My bank accounts and debt load is a testament to that reality.  It does still astound me the expense she will incur to embark on this journey a third time given her financial predicament.  What’s really astounding is that her scumbag attorney, Bulldog, will extract fees from PEW rather than tell her, “PEW, it’s very likely that this layoff situation is a temporary predicament.  This isn’t going to cost you a whole lot of money to do this by the book, after all, your children are entitled to your financial assistance in these troubled times.” Okay, I can actually hear some of you laughing at that last part.  Trust me, though, there are some good attorneys out there who would give you the straight scoop on where you stand.  I have one of them.  I wonder how long it will be before this one bails on her client?

Leave it to PEW to think a life-long accountant and tax-preparer would risk fraud and the wrath of the IRS for doing a $200 basic tax return.

This morning, I had an interesting, short discussion with the children about the changes made at the Psycho Ex-Wife’s home regarding computer access and supervision.  This was to follow-up on our story called The Inevitable Discovery of Internet Pornography.

The questions were simple:

1. Did PEW password protect the computer?  (Power-On Password)
2. Did PEW password protect the screen-saver?
3. Did PEW obtain any software program to prevent the boys from going places that they should be?
4. Does PEW monitor their activities and periodically check to see what they’re doing online?

This wasn’t an interrogation.  The questions were part of a more age-appropriate follow-up discussion regarding use of the computer and internet in the aftermath of our discussions two-weeks ago.

The answer to each one of those questions is a resounding “NO.”  Of course, I’m not surprised as I’m sure you aren’t, either.  Despite the alleged realizations and promises to make change in the wake of the internet-porn mess, nothing has changed.  It’s a shame that people like PEW cannot make even a minimal effort to protect the children in this age of technology and unrestricted availability of all sorts of “information,” particularly the bad kind.  It’s another example of why our children will struggle with discipline and responsibility.  S1 explained, “Well, it’s because mom doesn’t want to have to always be typing in a password and doing stuff like that.” As if he needed to explain that to me.  When it comes to parenting, it’s tough enough to accept that she barely has the most rudimentary of skills in that regard.  Interestingly, she always seems to come up woefully short on issues that are of the utmost urgency.  It’s the path of least resistance almost all the time with her, unless she sees an opportunity to “go ballistic” on someone or something.

The discussion closed with a reminder about safe-surfing while at PEW’s house and any other place they may be and have internet access.  Here’s hoping that lesson sticks.

Popping into the infrequently used “civility” blog post category comes this rare moment of cooperation that is devoid of any craziness.  As promised, when they occur, I will post them!  Stamp me surprised as civility is usually the furthest thing from PEW’s mind when a court date (conference) is right around the corner.

This weekend is a Boy Scouts camping activity for the children.  It had actaully slipped my mind until I checked the schedule earlier this week, but not before the boys had arrived for their week with me.  One of the things that PEW and I do not have our own respective collection of - is camping gear… at least not completely.  While I did have 3 sleeping bags, one of them is, well, pretty much shot.  That’s to be expected of a sleeping bag that, I kid you not, is at least 30-years old.  That left me with 2 adult sized ones.  I know that PEW has purchased sleeping bags for the boys a few years back and we have exchanged them when needed for prior camping excusions.  Still, with the forthcoming support conference, I had to prepare for the usual level of irrelevant topics that would venture far from, “can you send me S2’s sleeping bag?”

PEW,

If possible, can you bring to work (I can meet you at lunchtime or some time convenient for you):

• S2’s sleeping bag.
• S2’s pocketknife… he tells me it’s in “the big brown thing in the computer room… bottom row of drawers, farthest to the left.”
• S2’s hiking boots.  Up in the bedroom, in the closet, with the leaves on them.  The ones I have for him are too small by a size or too large by a size.
• S1 seems to think you may have foam pads that would serve as a bag-pad in the lean-tos.  If you do have them, can we get those from you?

Thank you.

~LM

Mister-M, master of the bullet-points.

LM,

The hiking boots I have are a size 1-1/2 for S2. They are from last year. I don’t think they will fit because I think he’s in a size 3 now. I’ll put them in the bag anyway and he can try them on. If not you could probably pick up a pair at Kmart for like $15 I think that’s how much this pair was.

actually…what size shoe did you just buy him. I can run into [the store] because I got a $20 gift card for spending $100….I can see if they have any clearance left over. It’s my late day I don’t have to be in work until 10:30

~PEW

Really? PEW spending? Fair enough. If neither of us had a pair that fit, I figured I’d have to do that anyway.

PEW,

3-1/2 on the sneakers… very slightly oversized. He tried on the 4-1/2 hikers I have here, but he was swimming far too much in them for a hike… I think he’ll blister.

I’d go no higher than a 4, and a 3-1/2 will probably be perfect.

On a separate note… AFTERCARE… make sure you’re not getting charged for time they’re not there. Spring Break Week (before Easter) - we didn’t use any aftercare. This week, same thing. I intend to do that to keep costs down until I get a job and will continue to call [Manager] (as I’ve done) to let her know each one of my weeks.

I’ve been picking them up at regular dismissal time.

~LM

Good dialogue. Spirit of cooperation. Focus on the children having the best, most comfortable time… saving us some money on aftercare…

A couple of quick phone calls were exchanged.  Long story shortened, she popped into the store, picked up a new pair of hiking shoes for S2, and did so without any martyrdom about how she pays for everything and does everything in the history of ever for everyone who has ever walked the planet since it came to exist because she is just that wonderful hysteria!

She brought all of the items (she could find) with her to work today and the children have early dismissal.  So, continuing to give as good as I get, I will pick the boys up first and then swing by to pick up the extra camping gear so she can see them and wish them well for the forthcoming weekend.  Her workplace is between our home and their school.

What a wonderful experience.  Too bad we’ll be right back into the pits after Monday next week.  Stay tuned…