The Psycho Ex Wife

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I’ve been forthright in telling you that I have made mistakes. I still sometimes make mistakes. Sometimes, I go ahead and make the mistake because something in my gut tells me it’s the right thing to do. How ironic that only a day after breaking down the article “How to Appropriately Handle Hostile Emails” would I be so tested.

This morning, I get an email from PEW that falls under my “can-respond” rule of “urgent matter pertaining to the children.” She had asked me about building a car to S1’s Cub Scout Project for the Pinewood Derby. I told her I would and wondered how long she had it as it is due in a month. In addition to blaming her delaying letting me know about this matter on my lack of communication, she takes off on me regarding the boys’ behavior:

(1/10/2008, 9:30AM from PEW):

LM,

Also, with regard to the boys……the lack of communication is seriously hurting in school. Now it’s looking like S2 is going to have to go to [Mrs. S2GuidanceCounselor]. We cannot continue this way and it’s totally up to you to make a change. I couldn’t be more communicative with you. You on the other hand didn’t even let me know that you lost S2’s EDM calendar. S1 is doing the sloppiest work I have ever seen him do. His book bag is a mess….he’s not using the new folder or homework book I bought for him and the only way this will improve is if we’re both on the same page. If things between us do not improve, come April I am going to have to ask JC for another custody evaluation by a psychologist. I’m not messing around with the kids lives. Look at what happened to [your nephew]. Do you want that for your children?

~PEW

Strangely, during the weeks they are with me, they both mostly get good reports. During the weeks they are with her, they don’t. Further, S1’s writing has been greatly improved since I recently told him how to properly hold a pencil, how to tilt the page for a right-hander, and to take his time and keep his letters in proportion to one another. His bookbag isn’t a mess when he’s with me, in fact, I find it difficult to understand how it’s possible to make a “mess” of a bookbag.

This reply is in keeping with the article I reviewed yesterday. It’s not perfect, but still is in the spirit of the article’s suggestions.

(1/10/2008, 10:15AM reply from LM):

The communication thing is an absolute necessity because of your abusive behavior. There is no other way around it. It has been a part of our lives since 1995 and apparently will not change. Your emails, your voice mails, almost the entirety of what you call “communication” is horrifyingly adversarial and always has been. At this time, I expect it always will be.

Increasing communication with you will only expose me to more of your unacceptable behavior and language, and I’ve told you repeatedly, I will not reply to any communication that includes same.

~LM

From there, she escalates, not unexpectedly:

(1/10/2008, 11:53AM from PEW):

LM,

How you define abusive is absolutely essential here. You have always tended to embellish on that topic. First, how many times have I been kind to you, only to turn around and have you stab me in the back? (Christmas is a perfect example) Then, I become distraught and call you a name….and you call that abuse or harrassment? When under the circumstances that would be a totally normal reaction to this situation….. Time and time again, I extend the olive branch….only to have it rammed down my throat later. There have been plenty of occassions since 1995 that you have treated me in a less than respectful way, you have cursed at me, called me names, etc..etc… I can absolutely guarantee you that I would not email you in a harsh way if you would stop with your vindictiveness with regard to the children. I’m not always going to agree with the things you do, if you had the common courtesy to respond to my concerns (like with the bus stop thing) I might understand your perspective and move on and sometimes we may have to come to a compromise. It’s called “co-parenting”, which you seem unable to wrap your head around. If we can’t communicate with regard to the children, the 50/50 arrangement is not going to work for them. When you say my communication is “horrifyingly adversarial” I need you to give me an example?? 99% of the time, I state my business in a respectful way……1% of the time, I give you attitude……You need to look at the definition of the word “abuse” and “harrassment”. You are trying to victimize yourself when you’re not a victim. I’m not the only one here stuck in a cycle of behavior….why do you never look at yourself to find solutions to our prediciment? You haven’t done anything differntly since day 1 of this process. I was so excited after we met in November and now I’m just as mortified as I’ve been the three dozen times before when I had “high hopes” for a better relationship.

You do what you feel you must…with regard to the communication…..if the abuse is too much for you….maybe you should treat me a little nicer. I am the mother of your children. Why is it so inconceiveable that we could be friends? You’re the one that is preventing that. But I will tell you this right now, come April……if things are status quo…..I’ll be requesting an evaluation for the boys. As far as the hearing on Jan 24th…..I’m keeping that because so far I see no remorse on your part for what you did.

~PEW

More of the same. Delusional. Simply delusional. The projection is plain to see, as well as her clear abuse of the court system, knowing her petition is false, but she will keep the hearing simply because I’m not remorseful enough for her. And something in my gut is telling me that this is the email where you have to give her a dose of reality. My gut is telling me that even though it will absolutely mean nothing to her, every once in a while you have to bury the borderline in an avalanche of reality. You do. It may have no impact, but my gut is telling me that just the fact that she will have to read reality is enough for me.

The following reply violates every covenant of how to appropriately handle hostile emails. I know it does. I am holding back for the moment, but I really have a strong compulsion to send this… email not-yet-sent:

(1/10/2008 - The as-yet unsent Email Bomb from LM):

Okay, you asked, I will do this… one more time. If you take everything you have written and read it back to your self, replacing LM with PEW, you will have reality. Examples of your “communicativeness” since the November 2nd hearing, which doesn’t include harassment by voice mails, text, or when you involved the kids in the issues.

1. You’re a bastard.
2. you are an evil person
3. Get a set of your own and be a father……
4. total psycho for a father
5. You disgust me.
6. You’re a sick person
7. because their SICK father
8. grow up and be a man!!
9. Get to a psychiatrist LM, you need help badly…..you need medication or something.
10. You’re an idiot.

Now I know you will read that list and come back with “well it’s ALL true, therefore it’s not abuse.” Yes, I know, you are always the victim, and I always deserve what you dish out. Show me a single e-mail where I have called you a name, questioned your mental imbalances, or any other form of abuse.

What did you do “kind” over Christmas? You filed in court to interrupt my holiday, yet again, before Christmas was even here. Is that your idea of an olive branch? Then when you found out you were wrong, you started on a barrage of e-mails detailing how awful I am and how you have been victimized by me yet again, when in fact, I had Christmas because of your actions last year. It had nothing to do with anything I had done. Just another thing you will never take responsibility for. A normal person would say “you know what, I messed up last year, I’m really sorry, is there any way I can come down to [your area] on a weekend before or after Christmas and spend time with the kids?” But no, you instead begin a harrassment campaign and file in court, even though you are wrong.

Then you say you are the “better” person and are going to withdraw the petition since you were wrong, and yet, here we are, and you haven’t, so I guess you aren’t the “better” person after all. Talk about no remorse, I still haven’t received an apology for last year, or any of the false petitions and reports you have filed. You send me bizarre e-mails detailing how I should remember the times we made love by the fire (this, after numerous and patently false accusations of ME “not being able to move on after you divorced me”) - it’s pretty clear you are the only one still thinking of any allegedly “good” times - all while you continue to tell me what an asshole I am and how you will be taking me back to court, yet again, to take the children away from me. Where is that olive branch? It’s jammed up my ass where you always jam it, PEW.

We cannot co-parent because you have no idea what that means. Co-parenting does not mean that you tell me what to do, like your “suggestion” that I allow the kids to watch more TV and play video games or I will be to blame when we have rebels on our hands. We already have rebels on our hands, because of your parenting style, which is throw them in front of the TV or computer and repeatedly fail to instill any discipline when they act out. You’re too busy buying their love and being all buddy-buddy with them because there is always big bad daddy to punish them, why should you bother? When the teacher asks for your input, you tell them to “talk to the counselor” because “I don’t know what to do.” When I didn’t live up there, their behavior issues were because I wasn’t around. Now you conveniently blame their behavior issues on the fact that I have 50% custody. You will always have me to blame when something goes wrong, just as you have always done. You have never taken responsibility for a single thing in this mess, other than to say you made the mistake of marrying me. Spare me the story again, I assure you it was a much bigger mistake for me.

All this from the woman, the so-called “respectful woman who only wants to co-parent,” who has called CPS with a false allegation on us, making your own children be interrogated, called the sheriff’s office, and so much more, for no reason other than your petty jealousy that I and the children have a life, too, beyond you. They happen to like their Father, DW, SD1, and SS1 and have a good time with us and that, for some inexplicable reason - is a threat to you. I know you had it in your head that if I got a job up there I would leave DW and move back in with you, which defies explanation. Why you would think that when you have done nothing but try to convince everyone how I abused you for ten years is beyond me. Why you have this idea that you are anywhere near as beautiful, nice, or smart as DW, is beyond comprehension. I am there for the children, not for you. What kind of a woman who swears she was abused by me for ten years, would invite me to live in her house? Your story doesn’t match up and it never will.

I will do what I believe is an appropriate parenting style, teach my children right from wrong, not bad-mouth their mother despite all she has done and continues to do, continue to encourage their relationship with you and remind them that you love them. I will instill discipline and responsibility in them, despite the shit you tell them - all the things someone equipped to co-parent does. My experience is that you have little to none of that and that is why co-parenting is not possible with you.

I suggest you move on with your life.

Here it is, broken down for you in chronological order:

12/4/2007: You start criticizing my parenting with absolutely no knowledge of how things are done in my home. They get more than enough television and videogames at your home and you’re dictating to me that they should have more tv and videogames at my house?

“LM,
Just a heads up for you…..you are way way way too strict on our boys. This is not 1950 anymore…there IS TV, there ARE video games…..”everything in moderation”…..you need to loosen up before we have a couple rebels on our hands. I’m really starting to get annoyed with the whole situation.”

Communication like yours above doesn’t deserve a response.

12/11/2007: After lengthy pre-hearing discussions and acknowledgement from you to the judge no fewer than three times, you start down the path of holiday destruction again, attempting to ruin my time with the children by feigning confusion (again):

“LM,
I’m trying to figure out the holidays…..I’m assuming you’ll drop them off on the 23rd…pick up again on christmas eve, bring back on Christmas day? Can you let me know.”

I responded by letting you know what we agreed to both prior to the hearing and you re-affirmed several times for Judge [Contempt] at the hearing. You then went ballistic.

12/11/2007: Abusive, harassing tirade in reply to a one-sentence, factual reply regarding the agreement:

“You cannot have them three weeks in a row. That is bullshit, we weren’t operating on this arrangement then. You had the whole summer and then moved up here too. You’re a bastard.”

Is that your 1% disrespectful e-mails? I guess I should expect I will have 99% nice ones coming now. Communication like yours above doesn’t deserve a response.

12/11/2007: As you always have, you continue with your demanding, bullying tactics:

“when were you planning on returning them? I want them on Sunday the 23rd.”

I had already answered you. You didn’t deserve a reply to your demand. You continue with your deluge of hate mail…

12/11/2007: You threaten legal action, like you always do, despite having no grounds nor justification. You are abusing the legal system to try to get your way and using the children as leverage and trying to guilt me, as you have always done:

“It would make sense for you to get the days you missed from the 24th to the 27th, but not the whole week??? That is not the intention of the make up time form last year. I am sick to my stomach that you are going to do this to them. I am filing tomorrow in the hopes that they will get us in before Christmas.”

Hmmm, maybe the next one will be nice. Is that the olive branch? Do you know what an olive branch is? Threatening communication like you’ve done above doesn’t deserve a response.

12/11/2007: You sit at your computer sending email after email after email despite my having already told you what the schedule was, a schedule we agreed to. A holiday schedule that was what it was due to your being found in contempt of court for custodial interference the previous Christmas:

“It’s hopeless to even talk to you….you are an evil person…”

Guess I was wrong, still not nice. Communication like yours above doesn’t deserve a response.

12/16/2007: excerpt of another email trying to leverage the children as a guilt mechanism to have me bow to your demands, just as you always have:

“You have been so cruel”

Maybe you had your numbers backwards? Maybe it’s 99% disrespectful and 1% respectful? Communication like yours above doesn’t deserve a response.

12/18/2007: You set me up for failure by informing me with 1-day’s notice that S2 needs Christmas cards for his classmates. You knew about this assignment long before that and put
me in a serious bind. I don’t do that shit to you.

“Also, I forgot to give you his list for his Christmas cards that Mrs. S2Teacher wants them all to do for their party on thursday the 20th.”

Not only is that deliberate behavior, it’s inappropriate and sets up S2 to look bad when the assignment cannot be completed on time. That apparently doesn’t matter to you in your efforts to make me look bad, but throwing your children under the bus in your quest to make me pay is nothing new.

12/18/2007: Despite me telling you the facts about the agreement, you persist:

“What else do you need to convince you that you’re wrong?”

It doesn’t deserve a response.

12/19/2007: You persist:

“are you going to bring the kids back “per the order”?”

12/20/2007: Now, after having explained both in email and over the phone, you persist with your badgering (it’s called harassment at this point, PEW):

“I’ll dig mine up. What does it say about Christmas? do you remember? I can’t figure out for the life of me how you decided that you would get the whole week next week?”

It doesn’t deserve a response.

12/20/2007: After going home and reading the petition which was subsequently made into the order, you send no fewer than 6-emails, all without response… all within the span of about an hour making fun of me, my parenting, my partner, falsely accusing her (again) of abusing the children, my manhood, my psychological stability… vulgar language, and the list goes on.

12/26/2007 - 12/28/2007: You continue to persist, again citing “confusion” over the language of the order demanding I bring the children home for New Year’s. You flood me with emails again. It is also the first time you bring up the Pinewood Derby cars, knowing I am out of town, knowing that you had them for approximately 2-weeks, and again, deliberately setting me up to be the bad guy with no consideration for S1, who would also suffer if we can’t make it happen due to your inability to communicate.

“what time and where for monday? also, are you going to make the Pinewood Derby cars with the boys or should I have my dad do it?”

On 12/31/2007, I relent and explain to you the order again, in a polite, respectful manner. You respond with threats, false accusations, insults, namecalling, everything you always do, always have done, and it appears – always will do, including threatening more of your abuse via the legal system:

“total psycho for a father”

“They hate it there”

“You disgust me.”

“I’m filing for another hearing”

“You’re a sick person”

“their SICK father”

“you’re a sick sick person”

“I hope your holiday is ruined”

“Get help.”

“grow up and be a man!!”

“Get to a psychiatrist LM, you need help badly…..you need medication or something.”

1/2/2008: In response to my offering you to take the children a few days early so that you could celebrate and enjoy a full weekend with them comes your attempt to manipulate me into giving you the children earlier, this perhaps could be considered blackmail, which I’m sure the judge will appreciate:

“If you let me pick them up today and have them for the rest of the week I’ll consider cancelling the hearing.”

This is clear evidence of you using the legal system to harass and manipulate both me and the children. Not good, PEW. Not good at all.

I’ve now grown tired of entertaining your mindless ranting and have sufficiently wasted all too much of my time to set you straight on reality. There have been several more of this variety since then, but this should paint a very clear picture of your “communicativeness” and “olive branch extending” efforts. Disgraceful. This will be the last time I do this as a courtesy to you. All future evidence will simply be brought to court since you can’t live without going in front of the Judge for no discernable reason whatsoever. I just want to live in peace. For someone that supposedly has a new boyfriend, you spend an awful lot of time trying to engage the ex-husband you left. If anyone needs psychiatric help here, it’s you. Only I’m serious and not saying it just to be insulting.

I don’t need any more of your communicativeness. Thank you.

~LM

————————————————————

I want to send it. I won’t. I will “send it” (figuratively) when it’s useful - in court, as evidence of what I continue to have to overcome in order to have a peaceful, normal life with my loved-ones.

LM let PEW have the boys 3 days early, nice guy that he is. Of course it wasn’t at all because he believed she deserved it, it’s just not often that we are in a position to take advantage of a kid free weekend. (Of course turned around she would scream “seee you don’t want your kids you asshole.” Um, yea, whatever.) After the weekend was over, the craziness comes out:

(1/07/2008)

PEW
Was S2 complaining of a stomach ache while he was with you?

LM
Yes. Twice. He’d go into the bathroom and either pass gas or go #2 and be fine (according to him).

PEW
Well according to S2 he didn’t go #2 the whole time he was away…..and I tend to believe that because Saturday morning he had the hugest bowel movement I ever saw in my life, followed by diarrhea for the last three days. I had to take off today and take him to the Dr’s. Maybe you shouldn’t ignore complaints of tummy aches. See this is a perfect example of how you harm the children…..the kid didn’t crap for 3 weeks??? Some would say it’s more emotional that manifests itself physically. You’re an idiot. Great idea, keeping a 6 year old from his mother for three weeks.

Fellow mothers beware! If your child doesn’t see you for THREE WHOLE WEEKS he will take the biggest shit of his life! Um, what a fucking freak. Seriously, I would like all of you to try to NOT take a shit for 3 weeks and see how much pain you are in. If this kid had 3 weeks worth of shit compacted in his intestines, I’m pretty sure we would have known about it, not to mention the doctor. Besides that fact is I know everytime he shits because he doesn’t FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET. That’s what Mom is for! Also, does someone have a high opinion of themselves or what? Awww, her poor baby missed her sooooo much that he couldn’t even make his body function *insert rolleyes*. I’m sure she’ll be adding this to her long list of our wrongdoings to present in court this month, can’t wait!

Continued from: Reinterpreting the Order Again

I decide to break no/low-contact in order to make sure she’s clear my position on the order, though I did tell her on the phone before hanging up in her ear as she started to go off. Due to a number of emails and text messages since then, I send the following this morning:

(12/31/07, 11:28AM)

PEW,

In response to your latest barrage of emails, voice mails, and text messages threatening me with more litigation, I will offer you the following information regarding your latest misinterpretation of the court order.

New Year’s Holiday is defined as December 31st through January 1st. Father has odd years. Mother has even years. As the “holiday” as defined begins in 2007, this is my year. The language of our orders haven’t changed since the first one. Further, our history confirms my recollection of the order and not your latest revision. You had New Years Holiday in 2004 (three years ago) and 2006 (last year) under this same language. I had New Years Holiday in 2005 (two years ago). This is now 2007 and is my year. Historically, whoever had Christmas, the other had New Years. The only reason it’s different this year is because prior to you being found in contempt of court, this would have been your next scheduled Christmas (followed by my next scheduled New Years).

I believe that this explanation is exceedingly clear and you will refute it. Just be assured that as I had informed you over the phone, the children will not be coming home today despite your orders for me to do so. Please stop with the incessant harassment. Stop with the unnecessary and unsupportable litigation.

~LM

After sending this, she calls to wish the boys Happy New Year. After chatting with the boys, I overhear S6 run into his bedroom and say to S9, “Mom said that dad is holding us here when it’s supposed to be her time with us! She said we are supposed to be with her and not with dad!”

Engaging the children in such issues is another violation of the court order and another in a long line of efforts to alienate the children against me. I walk out of the bathroom and into their room and the following discussion takes place:

Remaining calm, I simply explained to them, with their assistance (they know the week-on week-off schedule) what the situation is.

Me: My week was the week before Christmas, correct?
Them: Yes.
Me: Normally, Christmas week would have been mom’s this year, but trust me when I tell you that a special circumstance came up and I was supposed to have you for Christmas this year. Okay?
Them: Okay.
Me: That means, where are you supposed to be this week?
Them: With you.
Me: Please believe me when I tell you that I would not keep you from being with your mother. You are with me because that is our schedule and mom isn’t supposed to be telling you any differently. It is not your business to deal with, okay?
Them: Okay. Sorry.
Me: There is no need to apologize, I just want to make sure you know the truth.

I really don’t like having such conversations with the children. I’d really like for them to just be little kids and not be burdened with such bullshit, but alas, their mother - being the selfish, psycho that she is, will not hesitate to cross any boundary in order to create havoc. She doesn’t care about these children or the impact her behavior has on them.

Soon thereafter, I get 2 calls from her on the house phone. Ignored, no voice mails. 2 calls on the cellphone. Ignored, 1 voice mail. So far, two emails.

(12/31/2007, 1:36PM Voice Mail from PEW)

LW, it’s PEW. Those boys are supposed to be coming home. Today. I don’t know why you haven’t left yet. It’s almost 2 o’clock. I don’t know why you haven’t left yet. They want to come home. They don’t even want to be with you anymore. They want to come home and be with me. You had better bring them home today!

Followed by email at 2:05PM:

Listen LM,

You’re wrong, it says this is my year and even if it wasn’t what kind of father would keep the children when they don’t want to be there for three weeks. They both just told me they want to COME HOME, but they said if they say that to you they’ll get in trouble. What the hell is that?? I’m not going to litigate because I ENJOY it, quite the contrary….I hate it which is why I didn’t dispute your latest shenanigans with “moving” back to the area….which is NOT what you did. You lied to JS. You don’t live up here. This situation isn’t working out and you know it….the kids are NOW suffering emotionally because they have a total psycho for a father and I am helpless to protect them. AND to top it all of, you’re now holding them hostage at your [home state] when they want to be with me. They hate it there when D9 and S8 aren’t there. Not to mention the fact that they each got like 3 gifts and DW’s kids “got a whole bunch”. You disgust me. I’m giving the 50/50 thing six months (the end of April) to work for the boys and then I’m filing for another hearing. So far I have [neighbor] telling me that the first day you had them, you left them at the bus alone and drove away……I have the teacher telling me that you refuse to give S9 a snack and a decent lunch….I have [another apparent spy at Cub Scouts] telling me that you single S9 out at cub scouts and do not allow him to participate in the snack there…..I have countless emails from the teachers about the children’s behavior when they are with you…..I have S9 telling me about your “table topics” game where you ask the question “if something happened to your mother and she couldn’t take care of you, who would you want to live with?” what kind of sick game is that??? I have your total inability to communicate on any level…..then there’s the fact that you don’t LIVE up here…you DON’T EVEN WORK UP HERE all the time…..YOU are the reason 50/50 isn’t going to work. And I will prepare the judge for that on January 24th when I go in to discuss this bullshit with her. You’re a sick person, even if I am wrong what kind of father would keep children when they clearly miss their mother. I’m going to litigate more because it’s the ONLY THING I CAN DO. I hate spending my time this way, but when I hear my kids voices and they’re wispering that they miss me and want to come home because their SICK father will get mad if he hears them…….it infuriates me. Some day JS is going to see what I see….and what the REST of the world sees in you…..you’re a sick sick person…..EVERYONE knows that you don’t care about what’s best for those boys. I hope your holiday is ruined just like you ruined mine and the kids. Get help.

~PEW

My commentary: My, my, my - the rage is now out of control. Points worth addressing:

- My children just told me this morning, after being told we’re heading back to [work state] tomorrow that they didn’t want to go back and they were just having too much fun here. Of course, they also have to go back to school, which I’m sure is a bummer to all kids who’ve had off for 10-days. That’s not to sa
y that they don’t miss their mom. A divorce arrangement sucks all the way around, but when you have a raging maniac for a mother, you will say what will appease her and they know if they tell her that they’re having a blast with me, she’ll get upset. That’s because she does get upset.

- I did “move back up there.” I have residences in both places. I work in mom’s home state. It was an absolute miracle that I obtained this position and took it for two reasons: 1) I needed a job. 2) TO BE WITH MY CHILDREN!!! During my weeks where I don’t have custody of the children, I can work from the home office and make a point of scheduling any travel I may have for those weeks where I don’t have custody. Further, if business circumstances require it, I’m even up at our apartment in the work state because I have to be. Reality, PEW… catch it!

- Christmas presents: DW’s children had more because their father brought over all of their stuff along with their grandmother. Of course, PEW has always been about everybody being “even” - even when circumstances just don’t call for it or allow it.

- On the first day I had the boys during the 50/50 arrangement, I took them to the bus stop which is at the corner of her street and her neighborhood spies. While awaiting the bus, I notice I’m parked on the wrong side of the street and right under the sign which reads - “No parking, this side of street.” As their buddies are assembling at the bus stop, they get antsy and want to get out. I let them, telling them, “I’m parked illegally, so I’m going to drive around the block and park on the proper side of the street.” They bolt to the corner and I start to roll around the block when… the bus arrives! While at the stop sign, everyone boards and I roll to work. I wasn’t at work 30-minutes when the raging phone voice mail comes. One of the neighborhood spies called her in work and reported that I just dumped them at the bus stop and abandoned them.

- When the boys aren’t packed a nice lunch, they are given money for a school lunch. I got one email from S9’s teacher saying that they get to lunch late and asked me if I could pack a morning snack for S9, which I have done every single day since. Boy, can PEW embellish and twist reality into abuse or what?

- One day, S9 was punished (loss of snack) for misbehavior in school. The day in question happened to be a Cub Scout meeting where all the kids get a snack at the end of the meeting. S9 was not allowed to have a snack because it was his punishment and I couldn’t allow Cub Scouts snack time to undermine my disciplinary decision. It was one instance in dozens of meetings since September. Of course, PEW doesn’t believe in discipline of any kind… so I could see where she might be upset.

- Table Topics is a fun game where we all ask questions of each other. Pretty much no topic is off-limits (within reason). They even sell “table topics cards” which was one of the gifts from Santa this year. The question she bastardizes is this: If you could live at anyone’s home except your parents for one year - whose home would you choose? S9 chose his best friend’s house. S6 chose his grandmother’s house (my mother). D9 and S8 chose their grandmother’s house. I’m not entirely sure how PEW twisted into what she described above. The question was “for a year” - I’m not sure any of us could die for only a year.

Welcome to my nightmare.

Followed by email at 2:07PM:

LM,

I like how you always portray yourself like such a “victim” too….I’m always threatening you right? or harassing you? grow up and be a man!!

~PEW

Followed by voice mail at 2:26PM:

LM,

I just responded to your email and I also wanted to let you know that now thanks to you your father and stepmom won’t get to see the kids because I was supposed to take them down there on the 11th which is obviously not going to happen if they don’t get their Christmas presents until the 6th. So, I hope you’re happy. You ruined everything for everybody as usual because that’s what makes you happy. See you on the 24th!

Followed by email at 2:37PM:

LM,

By the way…..ALL of the stuff that was on their Christmas lists is here. The jerseys, the Webkins cow, the wrestlers, the lego people, Nintendo DS, …..because I can afford it??? no, I can’t afford it….but I know their only little once and they only believe in Santa for a few years and you RUINED it. Get to a psychiatrist LM, you need help badly…..you need medication or something.

~PEW

My commentary: Hey, I was out of a job for 9-months and we have a lot of recovering to do from that. My kids had an excellent Christmas and got some of the things on their rather lengthy list, which, in it’s entirety, would have cost close to $2,000 each. I know she can’t afford it, but she’s never been one to let that stand in her way. I think it’s wonderful that she can (and always has) catered to the boys’ every whim. It’s why they appreciate things so little. It’s why they expect a toy every time the wind blows. It’s why everything that isn’t perfectly balanced for them “is just not fair!” It is just another issue which we have to manage as a result of PEW buying the children’s loyalty instead of teaching them how to grow up to be well-adjusted young boys who appreciate the things that they have, the people who love them, how to keep and maintain friendships, how to handle adverse situations appropriately, how to understand discipline and have self-discipline… and the list goes on. The very basic things that help to establish a well-rounded youth she is completely incapable of providing and/or teaching.

All I ever want is a peaceful, fun, joyous holiday with some semblance of normalcy. I seriously can’t remember one in the last handful of years dating back to when we were still married. She sets out to destroy them - it’s part of the illness. She makes everyone suffer for her issues. There is nothing anyone can do about it.

Despite all of this harassment - we are having a dynamite holiday season - it’s just that for us, we have to plan for such antics and it sucks.

Happy New Year.

This has all just taken place in the last hour or so…

The main terms of the current custody order can be found in this post: Thanksgiving Comes Early …take a look at the Holiday & Special Occasions breakdown.

If you’ve been following along, you already have seen how she alleges “confusion” about the schedule and understands better than the written order what the court’s “intentions” are. No, she doesn’t. As it has always been, it’s her way or the highway.

I’ve continued with my no-contact as she’s tried to engage me with her alleged confusion over the schedule. How confusing can one-week-on/on-week-off actually be? For the BPD who wants attention from her ex-husband, it can be as confounding as a Rubik’s Cube. I had the week before Christmas, the week of Christmas to make up for last year’s mess, and then back to our regular schedule - the week after Christmas as it is my next scheduled week. She will get the children back on January 6th as per the schedule. Except that she doesn’t like that.

As I’ve not answered her half-dozen or so posts asking me ad nauseum when she is supposed to get the children next, because the schedule is clear - she has tried to engage S9 in finding out when they are coming back. This is a no-no, according to the court order, but she insists on pulling one or both boys into the fray when I don’t pay her attention. When S9 asks me after a routine phone call this week, I simply tell him, “Son, it’s not your job to worry about when the schedule is for your mother. She knows the schedule and it will be taken care of.” Evasive, but if I answer him and then he goes back to her, it will only escalate from there and I have a spy on my hands again.

In any event, at some point in the last few days I told S9 that he would be going back to PEW “next weekend” and during tonight’s phone call with her - he told her that. After he is done, he passes the phone to S6 for his chat. When he is done, S6 approaches me and says, “Mommy said she needs to speak to you.”

LW: Yes?
PEW: I don’t know what you’re doing, but the court order says I’m supposed to have them for New Year’s!
LW: PEW, read the order again, it’s clear and it’s not open for discussion. *CLICK*

Of course, it’s not going to end there. Three consecutive phone calls in the next 2-minutes results in two angry voice mails.

Voice Mail 1:

PEW: LW, the schedule that you drew up says that I have the kids on even New Years. So that means that this New Years is mine. It says mother has them on even years, father has them on odd years. So, that said, we still have a court date for January 24th and I’m expecting my kids. So I think that you better rethink whatever it is that you’re thinking and reread your proposal that you put together. The one that is now a court order, okay?

This is getting beyond ridiculous it really is… I can’t even believe… I’m expecting them home and you’re pulling this crap. I think you better rethink this… whatever it is you’re doing! *CLICK*

Minutes later…

Voice Mail 2:

PEW: Okay, your petition, section C under item 5, is New Years holiday to include December 31st through January 1st. Father shall have custody in odd year and mother shall have custody in even years. And, as defined… in that… ummm… the previous order… is… it defines even years are January 1st and then the… ummm… odd years are… you know… the even and odd is determined by the New Year. So it’s already been defined. I don’t know what it is you’re doing or why you’re doing it. But the kids need to be home on New Year’s Eve. So, I’ll see you then! Wherever! Ummm… whether it’s at [new exchange point] or you want to drop them off at my house that’s fine, but this is your petition that is now an order and we have a court date on January 24th. So, it’s not… this isn’t… this isn’t… ummm… me just being wrong again, this is what you wrote! *CLICK*

Our commentary: This madness never ends. This madness is what I’ve dealt with since 1994. This madness is what we’ve dealt with since 2004. This madness is what we’ll deal until who knows when. Some people crack “until the children are 18.” Reality is… it goes well beyond that. There are graduations, college, possible marriages, grandchildren… and as long as we are both alive - this madness will continue.

Not only does she read the order, she recites it into the voice mail and still doesn’t get it.

THE NEW YEAR’S HOLIDAY IS DEFINED AS DECEMBER 31ST THROUGH JANUARY 1ST.

The holiday begins in 2007. Father gets odd years. Normal people see this for what it is. Clearly defined. She has decided to interpret this as “New Year’s Day is 2008 - therefore - the holiday is an even year.” Except, Psycho, that the holiday duration is defined and it starts in the odd year.

Did I mention who had December 31st through January 1st last year? No? She did. The holiday as defined began in 2006. Did I mention who had it the year prior to that? No? I did. The holidays as defined began in 2005. Father has odd years, mother has even years. Does anyone who is not apeshit psychotic not understand this schedule?

After being granted my continuance for the hearing on being in contempt of the future on December 14th, the crazy email barrage again started with renewed vigor.

December 16th, 2007, 10:17PM:

LM,

I am upset about this situation with Christmas. I wasn’t trying to ruin your Christmas last year, I even offered for you to have the boys the day before Christmas. Regardless of saying that I didn’t think it was fair for me to have to drive them out to [Exchange Point] on Christmas eve I wound up getting very sick. I’ve never kept them from you….you did get them on the 27th last year and I even offered to bring them out on the 26th. I didn’t fight this 50/50 arrangement because I know they need their Dad. This is so wrong, not just for me but for them. The summer was the same thing….I’ve never done anything like that to you, what you pulled after I came and spent the weekend down there was terrible. You are totally breaking my heart. I am so distraught, I can’t bear the thought of not seeing them for three weeks straight and not a day during the Christmas season. I do believe the order said that the “Christmas holiday” was your this year but not the whole week….she never uttered those words. She didn’t say “Christmas Break” or “Christmas Week”, she said the holiday, which is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I’ve been praying everyday that you somehow move past the hatred you have for me and do the right thing. Why are you doing this? I AM their mother remember……I know you wish you could change that but you can’t and they love me very much. Please please do the right thing. I am just sick about this. You have been so cruel and I don’t understand it at all.

~PEW

Our commentary: This is followed by a series of short, nonsensical emails telling me that she has proof of how “wrong” I am about the holiday custody arrangement and that she has proof. Dumbass doesn’t (or won’t) realize that my position is lock-solid supported by all of the documentation. However, since that doesn’t meet with her warped reality - it might as well not exist.

She sends me copies of the Contempt Order from March and the copy of the Custody Order from November. Both obviously support my position. The order from November refers to the terms of my petition which are entered as “the order.” It is quite clear. When she goes home on the 20th of December, she digs out her copy of the petition and makes the astounding discovery that she is completely wrong! LET THE CRAZY-MAKING BEGIN! (We respond to none of what follows.)

12/20/07, 7:55PM:

Well LM, I got home, I reviewed the petition/proposal that you filed in September. It appears, as usual that I overlooked the fine details…I’m sure you’ve looked at the transcript from the Nov 2nd hearing by now and realize that she asked me if I agreed with everything else but the two items I brought up and I said “yes” Of course when I originally reviewed everything, I was focused the driving issue and overlooked Christmas that you put in there that you would have the kids the entire week of Christmas. You always “beat me” on the technicalities but that won’t happen in the future, I assure you. I’m sure your “Legal Eagle” DW, has been telling you that you have me beat……but that’s because she’s not truly “A Mother”…..if she was she would never think this was a “great” idea. I’m going to withdraw my petition because I’m the “better” person…..and EVERYONE knows that. My family knows, your family knows, our old friends know, my friends know, my company knows, the school knows…..but most importantly YOU know that I’m a WAY nicer person than your girlfriend and you’re upset that I divorce YOU. I can’t compete with someone who is as manipulative and intelligent as you (and your girlfriend) who is apparently the gonads behind this whole thing because I happen to know that you are not this MEAN……and that’s exactly what this is… manipulation….. deceit…. payback…. whatever it is…it’s wrong and it sucks for me that I’m not as SMART as you and your girlfriend. Worst of ALL..it sucks for S9 and S6….they love being here..they love the fun we have together, just like you used to LOVE spending time with me….because when I’m with them I AM the person you fell in love with……because they LOVE me back. Let me give you some advice though….this Judge…is starting to see your true colors…read between the lines. Read what she is saying to you on November 2nd and in that contempt hearing…..she’s not just sick of me….she’s kinda sick of you too. Do what you feel you must with Christmas…..I will live through this just like ALL of the other atrocities that you’ve inflicted on me over the past 4 years….will it EVER stop?

~PEW

Our commentary: She is withdrawing this petition because she knows that if she sets foot in that court in front of Judge Contempt again - with this complete and utter bullshit - the consequences could be quite severe. When things turn in my favor - it’s because I’m “manipulative and evil and DW is my gonad-set and running the whole show.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Reality is - PEW gives me pretty much everything I need on a silver platter to use against her while avoiding, at all costs, anything that could put me at odds with the court. Oh, make no mistake, DW is one smart cookie and has assisted every step of the way - but DW doesn’t give me the evidence. DW doesn’t file all of the petitions which, during testimony, I turn around on her. She’s her own worst enemy and for that - I am thankful.

DW is the same person she tried desperately to get all “buddy-buddy” with, attempting to convince her that I was the spawn of satan and that she would soon see my “true colors.” When that doesn’t work - demonize!

Followed at 8:39PM by:

LM,

against my better judgement…I’m also going to say that I think that DW calls the shots..I have a really really really hard time believing that you are THIS mean. We spent some really good good times…..especially during the holidays. You and I had some good times at this time of year and I won’t ever forget that….remember the time I made you and MCB sing the SOUND of MUSIC?? that was right before I found out we were pregnant with S9. And we made love many times by the light of the Christmas tree…..particularly one time I remember when you asked me to marry you…by tie fire up the mountains……….LM…..remember the good not the bad…..our boys want to see their mommy during Christmas….

~PEW

Our commentary: Oh holy shit. Now, you will see some e-mails later on, but PEW has been trying to get LM back for 4 years now, only he could never see it. This psycho would actually ask him to move back in with him several times per year, and he couldn’t see it, thinking it was just about money, HA. As he read this, he looked over his shoulder and said, “sign into my e-mail account, and ah, yea, you are right.” LMFAO. I died when I read this, I mean seriously, I could not stop laughing for 2 fucking hours. This whore has tried to convince everyone she meets that LM is a sociopath that abused her for ten years, and yet here she is reminding him of how they made love? She is one fucked-up cookie.

Followed at 9:11PM by:

LM - in summary…………I know who calls the shots..and it’s NOT YOU. sad…~PEW

Followed at 9:23PM by:

LM - I got it…..worry more about squaring youself with not letting the mother of your children see them because it bothers your girlfriend.

~PEW

Followed at 9:41PM by:

LM, also, by the by the boys tell me that DW’s not so nice when “daddy’s” not around…what’s that all about??? a little resentment that’s what I’m thinking?? how about…….how insecure can you get after four fricken years….???? you need tp start thinking of ourboys particularly S9 in light of the trouble he’s been having since youu came to town????0 how long do you think your NON communication thing is going to fly with the teachers….this every other week has sucked….because your girlfriend doesn’t want it to work??? Get a set of your own and be a father……Regards. PEW

P.S. I know you wont respond because DW won’t allow it….because she’s a warped individual…I can’t help who you fall in love with.

Our commentary: Holy shit! Look at how the truly Psycho Ex-Wife operates. Demeaning, insulting behavior. A gross inability to accept responsibility for her actions. An innate ability to rewrite history, to create a new reality out of fiction that she actually believes! See back when LM only had weekend visits the boys had problems because he wasn’t around, oh, but now they have problems because he IS around. We have lots of these examples where she gets to argue both sides of an issue, it’s a win-win for her, where someone else always gets the blame

My guess is that she’s probably gone back to hitting the bottle pretty hard. Have another drink, you pig. Of course, these emails are not so different from others sent from work or other places where she would be hard-pressed to get away with being drunk. Sadly, rather than face and accept the reality of all that she has done and the consequences for her actions, the coping mechanism is to lash out, insult, demean - just like a bully to prop themselves up to make their sad, pathetic life more meaningful and reaffirm just how important they think they are.

Reality is dangerous to the BPD. Reality would mean she would have to lay there, in the dark, alone, and say to herself - “what the fuck is wrong with me?”

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