The Psycho Ex Wife

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Well, it’s been a month from hell and it’s time to start dealing with more adversity and unnecessary litigation and associated crapola that comes with it.  There is bad news and there is also… bad news.  We continue to be thrown challenges from everywhere, and with a lot of hard work - we shall overcome these, too.

The Job

I’m very sad to report that the new job which I started at the beginning of the year is no more.  I was laid-off from a job that was fun, exciting, rewarding, and one about which I had much hope for growth.  This economy is kicking everyone’s ass and mine is no exception.  I’m tired of the boot prints on my rear-end.  This, much the same as the others, was a result of business conditions.  They loved my work.  I broke my ass to impress and impress I did.  Due to some technical snafus which prevented the business growth they had planned for in the beginning of the year combined with me being the lowest man on the proverbial totem-pole meant I would be part of the 25% cut from the workforce.  I left with a great recommendation and much praise for my work, but not much else.  Complicating matters is that due to the length of my layoff last year, I am ineligible for unemployment compensation, rendering my income to exactly $0.  While I have appealed the decision, I’m not hopeful that I will come out on top of this one.  So, it’s back to the work, the very hard work, of finding work.

Child Custody

PEW has sued me for full custody of the children again.  This is the child custody situation to end all child custody situations.  Frankly, I wish the judge would have said, “No, you two have been through no fewer than three custody evaluations and I am not going to entertain any more of your bullshit.” Suffices to say that this child custody petition may be the worst in terms of frivolousness than the many which have passed before it.  Due to pending litigation, I will refrain from sharing the details of her mindlessness.  A hearing which was to take place on Tuesday, June 1st, was averted because a custody evaluation was requested, agreed to, and granted.  Yes, it will be the county-run  custody evaluation program, rife with all of its faults and my usual doubts rooted in experience.  Yes, it will be the FOURTH custody evaluation in SIX years.  The bottom line is that PEW has sued for custody of the children because she is angry and full of rage.  Beyond that, she simply has no grounds for pulling this latest stunt that will again prove to be quite costly and add monumental stress to already stressed-out children.

Child Support

Also seemingly never-ending, is the madness that has been trying to get an appropriate child support modification which, at the time of my refiling so that I could prove something that doesn’t exist (answer PEW’s completely unsupported challenge that I have hidden income) - would ultimately be based upon my new income for a fair and appropriate child support figure.  After the filing, obviously I was laid off again, which became yet another significant change in circumstances warranting consideration for a change in child support.  The hearing scheduled for Friday, June 4th, was averted when we agreed to simply suspend the child support since I have NO income now.

So, as you can see, we’ve been dealing with a lot for the last month which accounts for the slow trickle of blog posts.  Frankly, I didn’t have the energy to do it with all of the circus-crazy-madness that has been swirling around our lives.  The level of new research, printing, organizing, and preparing for not one, but two hearings was taking far too much time away from everything.

In any event, the PEW is escalating like a rabid dog.  The insults, vulgarity, put-downs and rage are flying.  All we can do is shake our heads and pray for the day when she’ll wise the hell up and stop the crazy train and thoughtless, baseless, and completely unnecessary litigation that will, some day, circle around and kick her so hard in the ass that she’ll need plastic surgery to get it off of her shoulder and back down where it belongs.

Please send your positive vibes our way and keep us in your thoughts if you would be so kind.

Child support modifications.

Whether you have to pay more or pay less, few things are as frustrating as the dog-and-pony show that is going through a child support modification with a psycho ex.  My psycho ex-wife is no different.  When you’re high-conflict and your psycho ex-wife is money-focused and can’t function without it, not that they could really financially function all that well with it, the child support modification becomes a long, drawn-out process.  I really believe the courts should have a streamlined option.  The streamlined option would be one where they show which party wanted to go to hearing how many times and just skip straight to the hearing.  Stop with the “child support conferences” which only prolong the agony.  We know we’re going to a hearing.

Our last update on this issue came way back in August of 2009: Job Loss/Child Support Update 8/7/09 - Hearing Loss. While it was more a hearing “concede” than it was a loss, I was spending $2,000 either way… testifying or in the child support, assuming I could find a job sooner rather than later. To this day, there is no question in my mind that “averaging” my income is a misapplication of the statute regarding imputed income. However, judges and their boundless “discretion” really can do whatever they want. I simply wasn’t going to participate in a hearing in order to give me an appeal opportunity that I couldn’t afford to see through.  That’s why so many of these child support modifications are wars of financial attrition.  The cost-benefit associated with fighting for what is truly right - fails.  Last year, too much money I didn’t have was spent to have the end result be - keep paying the same.  Of course, this was my fault as I didn’t handle the situation properly, but that’s water under the bridge.

A chance meeting at an internet cafe yielded me an exciting new job with wonderful new people and opportunities.  This job takes advantage of long dormant skills and has me working on projects that are not only interesting to cover, but fun to cover, too.  Though it came with a downgrade in income compared to the arrangement I had at the previous job, in this economy one doesn’t refuse a job when offered.  I’m more excited for this job opportunity than I’ve been about any other in my adult life.  Of course, this means an adjustment to child support.  It should mean a downward modification based upon the state guidelines, but that, as always, remains to be seen.

So, job started January 4th.  I filed for the modification on January 4th.  The child support modification “conference” was scheduled for January 29th.  Situations like this is akin to watching the movie Titanic over and over and over again.  You know the ship is going to strike the iceberg and most on board will die - but there isn’t anything you’re going to do to stop it from happening again.

I found out before the holiday and shared the news with the children who, in turn, let PEW know.  This prompted an email:

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Announcement #1:

As you all know, in March, LM lost his job. When not searching all of the usual internet job sites and pouring over newspapers for work, we have been working on a project to help others going through custody issues as we receive hundreds of e-mails each month asking for solutions to problems. We spend a lot of time helping, but we wanted to find a way to help more people in a much more efficient manner, and create a business around it so that LM can continue to support the family. So, it is with great pride and hope that we share with our readers that we have created a new website with which we hope to help many more people through difficult custody issues.

Mr Custody Coach is geared towards people going through high conflict divorce and custody situations, to help them create custody agreements that will minimize problems, and deal with other issues such as false allegations and parental alienation. That doesn’t mean we can’t help those looking for ideas and assistance with planning for low-conflict/no-conflict divorce and custody arrangements!  We can help with that, too!

We have put together a great team of experts and have planned a full compliment of plans including: conference calls, guides, programs, and private forums where you can get specific advice for your unique situation. We are also launching a radio show where you will be able to listen to experts such as Randi Kreger and Bill Eddy discuss issues many of you are dealing with in your current relationships and raising children in the midst of a hostile custody situation.

We are making this announcement for several reasons, the first of which is to ask for your help in launching this website. If you have a blog or website of your own, or know someone else that does, we would greatly appreciate a link, for which you can find several suggested links at the end of this post. Links are critical to helping spread the word far and wide.  We would also be happy to write a guest post for you on any custody or divorce topic, parenting & step-parenting - just shoot us an e-mail! If you believe you have a website that has readers who could benefit from the help of a custody coach, you might also consider joining our affiliate program where you can earn a commission each month for every member you send to us. You can read more about that and join here.

The second reason is to let you know if you need additional help creating a custody agreement that works, want to go low-contact but aren’t sure how to implement it, want to protect yourself from false allegations, or need to create a custody plan to take to your attorney, you can join Mr. Custody Coach for just $29.95 per month, and you can even get a 15% discount by entering the code 2045255B23 when you become a member.

Announcement #2:

At the request of many people who have followed the blog and/or joined the forums, we are adding a “donations button” to both locations. We are very grateful and appreciative that readers would think so much of us and what we provide for all. We have resisted doing so out of pride and a profound sense that we didn’t want to impose upon the readership, make anyone feel obligated, or otherwise turn anybody “off.” However, it does cost money (which DW has so graciously paid for the last 2-years) and take time to dedicate to our cause and our desire to help everyone seeking assistance.

So, we’re doing it. We are not going to make a big deal about it. You are under NO obligation to make a donation. It is there if you wish to at any time. You can also choose to become a member of Mr. Custody Coach if you want to gain additional information to help your custody case instead of just donating.  Sign up for a month and come take a look around.

We hope that we have helped every single one of you who come here and if you feel that our assistance moved you to do something like that, we are very thankful. The truth is, everyone here helps us in some way, shape, or form every day. For that, too, we thank you all very much.

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It’s been a while since the last job loss & child support modification update from June 24, 2009, but barring any unforeseen circumstances, the hearing will finally take place at the end of this week.  This morning I woke up to the following bizarre email in my inbox.  It’s similar to others seen that have been proffered before, but it’s no less annoying.

LM,

I’m trying to touch base because I got the recommendation and it seems like a total waste of time to me to go to a hearing? To be honest, I don’t know how you are affording rent and all the other expenses of staying up here, PLUS the gas and everything? I don’t even think it’s been a good arrangement for the kids to go back and forth between the houses during the school year. I spoke to the kids and they said they would rather stay here during school and see you on weekends. This is not what the judge intended and you know it. I’ve offered this before and I’ll offer again….if you’re going to stay up here, then on your weeks, you and DW stay here and I’ll stay at my parents. There’s no hidden agenda except that the kids have the stability of staying in this house because honestly, now that [Psycho-SIL] is gone, I don’t know if I can keep it. It’s the only constant thing they’ve had. It is seriously time to put all the crap aside…I didn’t do anything to deserve this. I don’t see how it can be a bad thing your you and DW, it’s much nicer than the apartment and I will even clear my stuff out of the bedroom.

~PEW

This is a typical effort by her.  Once she believes she has the upper-hand in a legal situation, she tries her very best to come across as a reasonable person willing to just stop the litigation and “do the right thing.”  I’m not even saying she doesn’t have the upper hand, however, the Support Master’s recommendation isn’t the only way to conclude this matter.  It’s not even the first way.  As long as the right thing is giving up custody, paying her money, and giving-in to her every demand, no matter how unreasonable.

If she were a normal, reasonable, understanding person, I would explain to her a few things:

1. We’re not “affording it.”  Unemployment insurance, while paying me a decent sum, isn’t covering all of the normal expenses for the cottage because I’m still paying child support out of it at a rate that was agreed-upon based upon my employment income.  Because the state is continuing to award YOU money out of my unemployment, it’s been very, very difficult.
2. Of course she doesn’t think it’s a “good arrangement for the kids” because it’s not her arrangement.  If it’s not “what the judge intended” - the judge wouldn’t have ordered it.
3. She is again speaking to the children about legal matters which is in violation of the court order.  I can assure you of this, the children have, on several occasions, volunteered that they are very happy with the week-on/week-off arrangement.  Going back to the very beginning, it’s all that they ever wanted after I was relegated to non-custodial status and they were often upset at how infrequently they were able to be with me.
4. She suggests similar situations depending upon how the circumstances could be changed to benefit her.  Back in 2007 when she was the “NCP” during the summer… she repeatedly said that week-on/week-off would be most beneficial to the children.  Imagine that!  One time, when S1 was being particularly difficult with her, she suggested that she have full custody of S2 and I have custody of S1.  Imagine that!

There is a hidden agenda.  As long as there exists a situation where I will pay her money, that’s the “best situation for the children.”

As for the recommendation from the Support Master’s office, I will say again… the calculation is done based upon imputing income to me.  The dreaded “earning capacity.”  However, my earning capacity is only as good as there are people willing to hire me.  Right now, I can assure you that I have never gone through a period so long where I couldn’t even get so much as a phone call.  Generally, imputing one’s income is only supposed to be done where there is some meaningful evidence that someone is willfully unemployed or underemployed.  So, unless the court believes that I want to lose the cottage, lose our home, lose custody of the children, lose my relationship with DW, SD1, and SS1… ignore my pages-long job search log… etc. - it’s simply inappropriate to be applying imputed income to me at this (or any other) time.  The manufacturing sector is sunk and companies simply aren’t paying top-dollar for middle-managers in this horrendous economy.  In my case, they’re not paying “any-dollar.”

Imputing income is one of what appears to be three available options.

Finally, even if it was a reasonable arrangement, her house is a shithouse.  She fails to mention what she would do with that crazy-assed dog of theirs.  Her hateful neighbors with the crazy, ARMED children who commit violence against ours and damage their home.  Lord only knows what kind of things we would be accused of if things broke, failed, went missing, were out of place, etc.

I’d rather go to jail.  And truth be told, if things don’t go “our way” on Friday… it won’t likely be very long before I go through the very punitive cycle of losing everything… credit, license, jail… because I simply won’t be able to afford any of anything.  This is a very scary predicament when you consider that my unemployment compensation is slated to run out in one month.

Following-up the 4/28/2009 Job Loss & Child Support Modification Update - the conference was completed and I made a beeline for the van.  There was more work to do.  With only 2-weeks until the hearing, I had to act quickly and since I didn’t have the children or DW with me, I had the time to do it.  Nice day.  No interruptions.  Might as well run all over town while I could.

I’ve had my own suspicions of PEW regarding “hidden income” which I’ve mentioned previously.  Psycho-SIL has been living with PEW and the children for quite a while now.  Over a year.  I’m doubting highly that she has been living there for free.  It’s also the reason I believe she didn’t press the child support issue sooner, despite an ongoing pattern of threats.  You see, even at an assumed “family-discount” rent rate, added to her regular job’s net income, the amount of child support I have been paying is about right in-line with what I would have been paying all along - given that I would have (again) made an issue of it and it would have come out in court.  So, all of her parroting about “giving me a break” on the child support, aside from being false for previously mentioned reasons, is also a farce for this one.

Back in 2005 when I raised the issue of Psycho-SIL moving in with PEW for serious reasons related to her untreated bi-polar disorder and child support calculations, PEW had her “move-out.”   Of course, after the custody order and child support order were calculated and set in stone, Psycho-SIL promptly moved right back in.  Looky there!  PEW working the system for her own financial benefit again!

Well, aside from the fact that Lacey, the support master, didn’t ask PEW about any additional income, I chose not to bring this issue up, either.  Save it for the hearing.

Which brings me to errand #1.  I drove home, took care of a few loose ends, and promptly returned to the court building with a couple of hours.  I downloaded a subpoena to “produce documents and things.”  Filed it with the court and got it signed, stamped with the official court seal, and was off to do errand #2.  What do I want PEW to produce?  Her last 12-months of bank records, receipts, cancelled checks, and any other documents that demonstrate how much Psycho-SIL is paying for rent at PEW’s home.

Which brings me to errand #2.  This one would be a little more difficult.   Serving PEW with the subpoena.  This is something I do NOT recommend others do.  In the past, I’ve always gotten someone else to do the service.   This time, I didn’t have the time to put something together and I didn’t want to wait a week to do so.  My out?  She requested a copy of my tax return for 2008.  I told her that I would not provide her with anything that she didn’t first provide me with from her side.  She promptly emailed me a copy of hers.  So, in keeping with my promise to her, I called her up, told her I had some errands to run and was it okay for me to swing by her workplace to hand-deliver it.  I could meet her out front.  Her first reply was, “Well, uh, you’re not going to gun me down in the parking lot or anything like that are you?” Gee, that never gets old.  I laughed at her and said, “Absolutely not.  I don’t have a fax machine and I have to pass by your workplace on the way to other errands anyway.” She agreed to meet.

So, I folded the subpoena in with the copy of the tax return, wrote her name on the envelope, and drove the few minutes to her office where she was waiting outside.  She approached my open window and I handed her the envelope with the obligatory, “Here’s the copy of the tax return you requested.  Oh.  And you’ve been served.” With that, I drove off.

Which brings me to errand #3.  Off I drove to the courthouse in the neighboring county to pull up on the computer and print out some records regarding PEW’s foreclosure.  She was able to avoid losing the home back in October, though we’re unclear how.  I’m also not sure what help these documents will provide, except that if she should choose to lie under oath about it, she’ll have some explaining to do as to why she had her sister living with her all that time, contributing nothing financially to the household, while she failed to pay her mortgage for many months.  Looking through the foreclosure documents, however, one thing does stand out.  They were served on her sister, at the PEW’s home address, signed, sealed, and delivered.  One of the documents in the packet was the evidence of service by the Sheriff’s Department.

From there, I drove home to DW.

When I arrived home, the only “backlash” I got was this email from PEW:

LM,

This is not a complete tax return LM….and does me no good. That’s ok though, I’ll have the attorney subpoena the rest of your stuff.

~PEW

It was page 1 and page 2, absent all the other schedules.  That’s all she needs.  She’s looking for the hidden income.  She has a copy of my W-2.  If she matches it to the tax return, she’ll see that’s all I made and all I claimed.  She’s not too bright.

Next installment:  I have a consultation with my attorney.