The Psycho Ex Wife

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Courtesy of “sane1″ - another wonderful contribution from a reader comes this meaningful poem, written in our Fantasy Email Forum - a repository for emails and other messages that will forever remain unsent as the messages would be lost on them anyway (and usually they are a strong vent full of highly inappropriate language even if the underlying message is very important).  It also goes to show that not every “Fantasy Email” vent is a caustic one…

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From the “cyber email bag” came another profound email reply that will never be sent, but will be shared with as many people as we reach just the same.  It will reach people who will learn the importance of good family and great friends and how wonderful a loving support system is to getting through and beyond the mayhem that a psycho ex can bring down upon you. Thank you, “sadie”, for your submission.

Dear PEW,

Have you ever wondered why you keep “winning” the battles and losing the war? Have you wondered why your best efforts to deliver that fatal blow to my and DF’s relationship and our relationship with SS’s never hits the mark? Why it is that all the chaos and misery you fire into our lives doesn’t keep us from enjoying a strong relationship, a happy family life with our kids, and a loving and supportive home? It’s because you aren’t what you think you are.

You don’t have the power to destroy people’s lives. You have the power to make others feel unhappy, insecure, angry, but guess what? We normal people have the power to bring happiness, security, and peace to each other. So, you take your shots, cause some conflict, some hurt, some anxiety, and then we all step in and undo it with compassion, patience, and love for each other.

You don’t have the power to change people from who they are to what you want them to be. You can run them down, and make up lies about them, but guess what? We normal people have the power to celebrate and appreciate each other for being who we are. So, you take your shots and cause others to feel badly and doubt themselves, and then we all step in and undo it with admiration and respect for each other.

Everything you do is tossing pebbles at a mountain. You can’t win because you aren’t enough of a person to win. You simply don’t have what it takes, and you never will.

Sincerely,
The Normal Ones

Amen.

Just a little letter from a real mother, about the things you say that I hate, and that make all mothers look like idiots.

“I gave you time with the children” - Children are not yours to give. They are not property, they do not belong to you. You did not buy them at Macy’s. Children are people, that have their own feelings and their own rights. Your feelings are not their feelings. They may not want the same things as you. They have a right to have a mother and a father. You do not give your ex the right to see his children, he had the right inherently given to him when he conceived the child with you. You do not give him the right to speak to his children, or to participate in any area of their lives, it is their right to have their father in their life, whether you still care for him or not. Even if you believe he’s not the best father in the world, you had a child with him, so I guess I’d have to question how great a mother you are as well since you chose to sleep with him at least once. If you believe he is responsible for supporting his child monetarily, while denying him his right to be involved with his child, you are scum.

“You only want them so you don’t have to pay child support” - Any mother who utters these words should also consider that by saying this you also open up the line of reasoning that you want the children only because you receive child support. Beyond that fact is that child support is money that is supposedly needed to SUPPORT THE CHILDREN. That means the money given in child support is spent on the child’s needs such as clothing, school supplies, food and housing. Now, if a father has the children more time, that means his expenses for the children go up, so he is not saving on child support, he is simply spending what he would be giving you in child support on things that are now supporting the children in his home. Unless of course you were receiving more than you actually needed in child support and were using it to support yourself. All that means is you are a selfish, manipulative bitch. You should not accept more than your child needs, otherwise you are the one using the children for your own monetary gain.

“I’m a single Mother, woe is me” - Unless your ex is dead or abandoned you, and NOT because you fought him for custody or never told him you were pregnant, you are NOT a single mother or single parent. Your children have a father, that wants to be in their lives. If you cannot handle the time you have with the children, their father is more than willing to take extra time with them. He is more than willing to take care of them and have them benefit from all he has to offer, including his income, without you having to benefit from it. If you have ever denied your ex time with your children, denied a phone call, hired a babysitter or dropped them off with your parents or a friend instead of sending them to their father, you have chosen to act like a single mother to the detriment of your children. You are not a single mother. You may be a single woman, but you are not a single mother. Get over it.

Sincerely,

Sane Mom

It’s FANTASY EMAIL TIME!

I believe that the email bomb from Psycho SIL is more than deserving of a fantasy email reply.  Fantasy Email Replies are those emails that you might like to send, but you cannot.  They are dangerous.  They are unproductive.  They can hurt you in a situation such as a high-conflict divorce and custody battle.  But I’ll be damned if they don’t feel good just to write them down and let it all out!  So, go on and re-read her unsolicited communication.  Below is how I might have like to respond if I didn’t know any better.  In reality, all I did was forward it to my attorney and ask him to send the other side a copy with a firm “cease and desist” request, which he did.

Dear Psycho-SIL,

First, you should not threaten me. What you wrote are threats, but I realized a long time ago that you are too big a moron to recognize that reality. I offer you the following positive response that is beneficial to both of your nephews: Go fuck yourself. Now, regardless of what is apparent to all of those idiots who enable the crazy behaviors of you and your sister, one thing is for certain – the less time the children spend with you and your family, the better. That is what is best for the children and for me.

It is great to hear that you finally settled your imaginary lawsuit. My only wish is that I had on tape the discussions I overheard between you and the PEW where you planned your “accidental fall” at the hospital in the aftermath of your gastric bypass surgery. Nothing quite demonstrates craziness (not that your long and checkered past didn’t do that already) than deliberately smashing your face on a table at the hospital in order to commit fraud – something with which you have extensive experience. Had I been in a position to prove your fraud, it would have been a delight beyond what I can put in words to have been able to be a surprise witness for the hospital, waltzing in with taped evidence of your plan to commit this crime. I suppose it is a good thing that your former customers (Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe) were willing to take you on as a client. My guess is – they weren’t one of the customers that you stole from during your short career as Regional Manager of Computer Store.

The fear I have given the knowledge of your unlimited resources is steep. It’s obvious from the fact that you’re now living in that palatial estate known as “your parent’s basement” that you’ve spared no expense in the aftermath of your victory. Can you feel me shaking in my boots?

As for your list of demands… I will not return the van to the PEW. I’ve paid for it completely. Twice. Once when new. Once one I gave PEW half the current value of the van in trade with a car (which I also paid for entirely) and $5,000 cash. Of course, if your sister wants to give me the car and the cash back, I would actually consider it! However, we both know how much PEW covets cash. The type of “man” I am is the one who sat back, laid out all of the (more than) fair options and simply awaited PEW’s decision, which she made of her own accord. As for her regrets – may I offer you both the toughest shit possible.

Regarding therapy for the children – I have very little problem with doing so, as they need it in order to manage both the changes that are occurring in their lives and, hopefully, to be able to manage the craziness, irresponsibility, and lack of discipline that your family will undoubtedly try to instill in them. There are already enough bullies on your side of the family – I’m not interested in seeing them groom two more. Further, when I am convinced that this is not yet another effort to pin some mental illness or other label that will result in the boys being drugged like so many other children are, unnecessarily, nowadays, this will occur. His anger-management issues are a direct result of your sister’s (and your) frequent, unexpected explosive behaviors, in addition to what they may have seen or heard within their household. S1’s eating and weight issues are a direct result of your entire family’s inability to either eat healthy or get any meaningful exercise. Have any of you looked in the mirror lately? There is enough flesh and weight to sink a barge. When you speak about health, eating, and weight management – all you and the family needs to do is take a good hard look in the mirror (or several of them) to find the root of their dietary issues. Finally, I can assure you that your concerns regarding the children meeting DW are dwarfed by my concerns (and those of other health professionals) regarding the significant presence and influence you have in their lives as a diagnosed bi-polar with substance abuse problems and a lengthy criminal history. I would welcome you to subpoena whoever you want. You have my 100% guarantee that you will be quite surprised as to what most of them will testify to regarding PEW.

Regarding the climate control in our home – I will keep the heat on, as I have always done, 68-70 degrees. Unlike your sister, the inside of the home does not need to be heated to the level of a tropical paradise. Anything higher than that is a waste of energy and money, things that have never concerned your sister because she was not responsible for paying for any of that, either. As for the lighting issue, all I have ever asked is that lights be turned off in rooms that are not in use. Again, for normal people in this world, that is standard operating procedure. After all, shouldn’t we all be making reasonable efforts to reduce our carbon footprint?

As an additional reality check – as required by the court order, I already pay the larger percentage of unreimbursed medical expenses in addition to paying a substantial sum of money to carry the children on my insurance plan. Given your past expertise in the “fuzzy math” necessary for you to gain financially regardless of who you rip-off in the process, I can understand your demand. Still, it will not happen. The children do not live nude while in my custody, they have nice clothes (when your sister isn’t throwing them out) and are dressed well for school. Your delusions are laughable and it would appear it may be time to increase the dosage of your meds. Ooops! My mistake, you’re not taking any (at least not legally).

Finally, I don’t harass the PEW. Quite the contrary in fact and I have years worth of evidence to demonstrate this. Some of the unmitigated craziness includes you and others in your family as well. Even your own brother believes you’re a nutcase who is a “total drama queen who could go off at anytime.” (That’s a direct quote, I can send you a copy of the email if you’d like to review it.) I won’t be just dealing with you, you crazy psychotic bitch. The only scary part of this entire email is that you’re in some bizarre place right now where you actually believe you have the power, authority, and connections to follow-through on your threats. One order of yours I will follow-through on, though. Discussions will be between attorneys – and it starts with this email. I have a feeling that even your crazy-assed sister is going to be shocked, surprised, and quite pissed at what you’ve tried to do. My only hope is that it serves to undermine her case, further support the grave concerns I have with regard to her having so much custody, and the likely significantly increased exposure the children will have to you and the rest of your family. You’re a frigging loon.

Most Sincerely,
LM

In yesterday’s post… OOPS! …I Did It Again, PEW was baffled, as usual, by the children’s reaction to my taking them a few days early. What I actually said was much different from what I wanted to say. It… is relegated to a FANTASY EMAIL REPLY (a.k.a. “emails written and unsent”)

PEW,

Here is the bigger picture.

For the most part, they get pretty much everything that they want with you. They don’t get that with me because some of the things that they get/do/engage in with you are not appropriate in my view. I can’t control that. They get WWE. Vacations that you can’t afford while being at risk of losing your home. They stay up too late on school nights. They get to see age-inappropriate movies. They get toys, games, action figures nearly every time you go to the store. Get get get, want want want. They’re not responsible for cleaning up after themselves. They don’t have to get exercise. They get to play videogames for hours on end and watch television for hours on end. They don’t get effectively disciplined. They essentially get to do whatever THEY want, almost all the time (if not - all the time). The list is virtually endless.

I teach them self-discipline. Personal responsibility. Respect for themselves and others. Teamwork. Good sportsmanship. That they cannot be quitters. I MAKE them engage in activities that will teach them very important life-lessons in addition to fun stuff… especially when they think it “sucks” or just “don’t feel like it.” Give a 7- and 9-year old the choice between “all fun and games all the time” and “in addition to fun and games, I have to learn things and help others and do chores” - they will choose “all fun and games all the time.” I’m an adult and that would be my choice, too.

But the biggest reason of all is this: When they whine, cry, and throw temper tantrums when they may have to do something that doesn’t suit their whims - your typical first course of action is to appease them without any real thought. That’s why they freak out. When they do - you immediately jump to their defense or try to find ways to satiate their desires because it’s the quickest way for you to get them just to shut up without “having to be the bad guy.” You said it yourself just the other day. That’s your biggest concern and that’s your biggest problem.

Unfortunately for you - you still haven’t realized that every situation isn’t all about how to make the children have their way. You will continue to be manipulated in that fashion until you do.

~LM