The Psycho Ex Wife

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I tend to be falsely accused of sharing information about court hearings and other litigation-related matters with the children.  This is simply due to PEW’s penchant for projection.  It’s something we know that she does with the kids regularly.  In fact, she shares so much inappropriate information with them it amazes me every day that they do as well as they do in school and other areas of life.  When a psycho ex-wife or psycho ex-husband is falsely accusing you of something, there is a very strong chance that they are doing the exact thing (or something close to it) which they’re accusing you of perpetrating.

Bottom line is that we just don’t do it.  While there have been occasions where we have been approached by the children with questions (exclusively prompted by things said by PEW), we handle those carefully, in age appropriate ways, and move away from any unnecessary details.

The very night after the end of the crap detailed in “Custody Exchange Logistics” - I got a voice mail from PEW describing how S1 was really upset and it had something to do with the court stuff.  I replied via email:

PEW,

Got your voice mail. Perhaps if you could be a little more specific, I might be able to understand what S1 was upset about.

I can assure you that I don’t speak to S1 about our ongoing issues in any capacity. During last night’s phone call, all we discussed was school and homework. He told me that he was doing good but that sometimes he didn’t understand what he was doing regarding math and reading. He told me that you try to help him and I told him that if he could tell me what it was he was having trouble with, I could certainly help him, too. I told him that I thought it would be a better idea to do homework when he came home when stuff was “fresh in your mind” instead of watching television and doing his work so late in the evening. He understood that. He seemed a little frustrated, but that was all we discussed.

This past weekend, we did nothing but play, watch a couple of shows, and watch the tide come in and go out, and have a party. The weather and full moon made the back bays flood and there were some interesting sights to see as a result. There was no discussion (there never is) about our predicament. He did express some concern about having to move again. It was a short discussion and I assured him that we would make sure that the transition to a new place would be as smooth as we could make it, though I don’t really know how that will be accomplished.

Do you have any idea regarding where you are moving to or when? It’s certain a very important issue.

~LM

That was it. I gave her a detailed explanation and her voice mail was very confusing and out of left field (as they often were).

LM,

I won’t have to move at all if the judge awards the counsel fees. If we do have to move, the kids can thank you some day for that. As far as last night, he specifically got off the phone and started crying about “the feud” as he called it. I find it hard to believe that OUR kids don’t hear anything from your end, since DW’s kids seem to know quite a bit, as evidenced by my conversations with them at the courthouse over the summer. I told S1 that it’s already been settled, they are staying with me and will continue to see you as much, if not more as they do now. Unless you move back, in which case they would see you ALOT more.

You need to do some serious examination of your conscience.

~PEW

And just that fast her concern about the kids vanished as she went into her usual blame mode and money grabbing scheming. Shocker.

I would ignore that, but she would offer a follow-up…

LM,

by the way, it was 7:45 when we were doing homework last night, not “so late in the evening”.

~PEW

Their bed time at the time was 8 o’clock during school nights. That would make it “late in the evening” for the boys aged 5 and 8. Duh. Pure genius, she is.

Another commonality with the high-conflict ex is their ability to turn their own logic on a dime.  Her problems and any problems regarding the children were originally due to my involvement in their lives and my proximity to them and all she wanted was me to go away and get the hell out of their lives.  When I was relegated to non-custodial parent status and 200-miles away, her problems and any problems regarding the children were due to my absence from their lives and the distance I was away from them and all she wanted me to do was move back (and sometime even suggested I move in).

Of course, now that I’m back, all she wants is to minimize my custody again and have me go away.  And people wonder why I’m alarmed by her craziness, her unnecessary and excessive child custody litigation, and it’s ultimate impact on the children.

Be prepared if you have one of your own.  This shit will never stop.  Push-pull, pull-push, stay-go stay-go go-stay, SPLITTING, I hate you - don’t leave me, etc.

The summer of 2007 was no different than most in one respect.  That one respect was that it would have some major malfunction due to the destructive nature of the PEW.  2005 were the threats from her, her family, and the alienation efforts of all of them.  In 2006, it was serious ramp-up of the parental alienation, particularly via the phone calls to the children as we had them as primary custodians for that summer.  In 2007, it was the phone calls to the police, the sheriff, and false allegation of child abuse with child protective services.  Hell, even having the children hold hands is child abuse to PEW.

June of 2007 was sad enough.  My last surviving grandparent, a grandmother, passed away.  I had the children in [home state] and would have to travel to [custody state] to attend.  It was because of my time at the funeral that PEW would call Child Protective Service and file a false allegation of child abuse against DW as she was watching all of the children.  Technically, it was against both of us, but since I wasn’t there, we know that her motivation was to hang this false allegation of child abuse right at the feet of DW.

On the weekend in question, it was the one and only time she would come to see the children engaged in their swim team activities.  A major swim meet was taking place and she actually did come to [home state] to witness their efforts.  It was generally uneventful.  She kept the boys with her at the hotel for the weekend and engaged in some interesting activities around the area.  She came to the swim meet and there were no problems.  All exchanges were uneventful and overall, everything appeared to go “swimmingly.”

What we didn’t realize at the time was what was taking place behind the scenes and all during the following week which results in this timeline of events…

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Folks, this is a really long one.  If you think you’re going to try to do this all in one sitting, better wrap yourself in a Snuggie and have a nice, strong drink at the ready.

Go on, take your time… I’ll wait…

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(This is me, waiting…)

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We often fail to realize “things” when we’re right in the thick of it.  Thus, comes the beauty of hindsight.  You see, PEWs like mine never learn from the past and therefore are always doomed to repeat it.  I annoyingly speak of projection when it comes to PEW, but it simply cannot be helped.  One of the unfortunate by-products of my long layoff in 2007 and my long layoff last year is the dreaded trips to the courthouse for the waste-of-time conferences followed by the inevitable hearings.  Child support has to be adjusted one way or the other (and sometimes not) and this gives PEW the opportunity for PEW to recycle her old tricks, like her magical math that grossly over-inflates child care expenses and health care expenses and whatever else it is she can fabricate in an effort to maximize the child support number.  It’s especially nice for her when her fictional figures get rolled into the equation by the courts, because when she doesn’t actually incur those expenses, that’s cash-money directly into her pocket.

Dateline, early 2006. As discussed in general many times in the past, I had grown tired of being “ripped off” by PEW’s magical math.  I also had grown tired of “taking the (bullshit) high road” and simply sacrificing substantial credits due me when things were to be righted, just to avoid going to court.  While I wasn’t particularly smart and certainly not in low-contact mode, I was definitely trying to rattle the cage by calling her on her fuzzy math, even when it was just blowing smoke to expose her lies.

It was tax time and I was foolishly relying on PEW for some information I needed to do taxes.  I requested the tax ID numbers of the school, the church (for S2’s pre-k), and the babysitter she reportedly was paying $165/week to watch S2 for three half-days per week.  This was not good for either PEW or “Janice” because I was blustering about claiming my percentage of childcare costs that were part of the CS figure.

PEW wasn’t giving it, not only because she flat-out didn’t pay Janice what she had told the court, but Janice would also have to report the amount PEW told the court, every single week, as income… did I mention every single week for the school year?  Looks like this was a serious catch-22.  While ultimately I let it drop, her lies to compound her lies might make for great reading.  At the same time, you can have a chuckle about how ridiculous high-contact continued to make me look.  We’ll pick it up after the initial requests and back-and-forth…  I had called her on the figures she gave to the court and she replied:

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Oh, what a treat when she comes out of nowhere with both barrels a’blazin’!

With the very fewest exceptions, I make the children lunch every single day they are with me.  I rotate their different favorites, toss in a snack, some fruit, and a drink.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Every rare once-in-a-while I get lazy.  Most times I make lunch the night before and have it ready to go.  Fewer times, I make it in the morning during breakfast.  Rarely, I just don’t frigging feel like it and give them each $2.10 to buy the school lunch.

So, imagine my surprise when I get this gem without warning…

LM, If you are having the kids buy lunch when they are with you send them with lunch money. I put money in the account so they can buy when they are with me if I want them to. Last week S2 owed $10 from the previous week that I had to pay so that he could buy. And now I just got low balance notifications, so if they are buying… send money cheapskate!!!

Isn’t it amazing how condescending someone can be when they’re collecting child support from a parent who has more than half of the total custody time, is unemployed and is thus making significantly less money than her?

Originally, I was disinclined to respond, but was curious.  If you remember the Food Deprivation Series, you know that this is a discussion not worth pursuing, but still ironic since less than one year ago, she was encouraging them to buy lunch when they were with me and I was packing lunch.  So I figured I would ask the boys about it.  Smart and savvy they are - it would appear that they occasionally “forget” to use the cash I give them since they are in the habit of just going through the line, giving their pin number and moving on to chow.

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I urge them to “not forget in the future.”

PEW,

I send them with money the rare time I send them without a homemade lunch. One time last week, I left the house without my wallet and I will send them home to you with $4.20 this week. I actually meant to do it last week.

Other than that single time, I always send them with lunch money.

I spoke to the boys this morning and they said that sometimes they forget to use the money when I send it with them, so that might account for the shortfall. Of course, it’s probably in their bank here or there.

Way to overreact like a petulant child, again.

~LM

Yes, I tossed a dig in there.  A rare moment of weakness.  As expected, it comes with another reply.

[drum-roll please...............................................................................]

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The monotony that was our discussions continued from Part 5.  I sound ridiculous.  She sounds ridiculous.  We repeatedly go over and over and over the same old bullshit.  This phone call I initiated.  She had the option  of coming to get the children.  If she wasn’t coming, I was going to make plans for the day.

PEW:: Hello?
LM: Good morning
PEW:: Good morning, what’s up?
LM: Well I called to, well first, everybody got their recorders on?
PEW:: Yep
LM: Okay good, I got my recorder on, you know, so everything stays accurate and truthful. Ah, tell me what’s up, are you coming down to get them?
PEW:: I want to meet you in [exchange point], LM.
LM: I can’t do that
PEW:: Why not?
LM: The same stuff I explained last night, I’m not going through it again
PEW:: Okay well then let me talk to S1 and tell him that his dad just decided
LM: Oh no, you’re not gonna tell him any such thing
PEW:: Yes well cuz that’s what happened
LM: That’s not what happened
PEW:: Daddy was supposed to bring you home, daddy decided not to
LM: No that’s not what happened, daddy has simply said to mommy that the boys can come home any time you want on Sunday, that’s what I’ve maintained. I didn’t tell him what you allege I told him, and I didn’t tell you what you allege I told you
PEW:: Well I got it in writing so don’t worry
LM: Okay
PEW:: Anyway
LM: You have it in writing but won’t send it to me where I said I was going to bring them home to [you].
PEW:: No, we’re going to court on Wed
LM: Okay
PEW:: Okay so you think that you…
LM: Well I gave you the opportunity, I said, hey if I made a mistake and said I was gonna bring them back to [you], send it to me
PEW:: Well first of all why would I ever say I was coming to pick them up in [LM's house], what kind of idiot would do that?
LM: The kind of idiot who says she misses her kids, that’s what kind of idiot
PEW:: You’re trying to play with my emotions
LM: No I’m not doing any such thing. I gave you two viable options. Sunday is exchange day, or whatever day you wanna call it. If you miss your kids…
PEW:: You are seriously…
LM: …and you want the kids, come get them
PEW:: Well I’ll tell you what LM…
LM: I have to come up to [there] anyway on Tuesday.
PEW:: Umhmm
LM: If you can’t come down and get them today I’ll bring them up on Tuesday
PEW:: Well let me tell you something right now LM, I think that you are seriously, seriously, mentally disturbed, and I’m going to ask my lawyer, I don’t care how much it costs, I’ll sell this house, and I will make sure that you never get to take them out of the state again, ever
LM: Please don’t call me names
PEW:: Ever, that’s where we are going on Wednesday. Okay, just so you know when you get to court my position is they should never ever go out of state again because of this
LM: Because of this
PEW:: And because of you hurting them emotionally, physically, yes

False allegations.  A mainstay of the psycho ex-wife.  I won’t accede to her demands.  When I don’t - the accusations of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse come to the fore.

LM: What are you talking about?
PEW:: You can’t be trusted, you’re a sociopath
LM: I’m a sociopath?
PEW:: Is that right?
LM: Yes
PEW:: Did you get that on tape?
LM: Please dispense with the name calling
PEW:: It’s not a name it’s a diagnosis okay?
LM: You’re not qualified to make a diagnosis
PEW:: And until you are evaluated by a real psychologist, or psychiatrist I’m not letting the kids come down there. There is something, seriously, seriously wrong with you.

As if she had that authority or power…

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