The Psycho Ex Wife

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The summer of 2007 was no different than most in one respect.  That one respect was that it would have some major malfunction due to the destructive nature of the PEW.  2005 were the threats from her, her family, and the alienation efforts of all of them.  In 2006, it was serious ramp-up of the parental alienation, particularly via the phone calls to the children as we had them as primary custodians for that summer.  In 2007, it was the phone calls to the police, the sheriff, and false allegation of child abuse with child protective services.  Hell, even having the children hold hands is child abuse to PEW.

June of 2007 was sad enough.  My last surviving grandparent, a grandmother, passed away.  I had the children in [home state] and would have to travel to [custody state] to attend.  It was because of my time at the funeral that PEW would call Child Protective Service and file a false allegation of child abuse against DW as she was watching all of the children.  Technically, it was against both of us, but since I wasn’t there, we know that her motivation was to hang this false allegation of child abuse right at the feet of DW.

On the weekend in question, it was the one and only time she would come to see the children engaged in their swim team activities.  A major swim meet was taking place and she actually did come to [home state] to witness their efforts.  It was generally uneventful.  She kept the boys with her at the hotel for the weekend and engaged in some interesting activities around the area.  She came to the swim meet and there were no problems.  All exchanges were uneventful and overall, everything appeared to go “swimmingly.”

What we didn’t realize at the time was what was taking place behind the scenes and all during the following week which results in this timeline of events…

(more…)

The monotony that was our discussions continued from Part 5.  I sound ridiculous.  She sounds ridiculous.  We repeatedly go over and over and over the same old bullshit.  This phone call I initiated.  She had the option  of coming to get the children.  If she wasn’t coming, I was going to make plans for the day.

PEW:: Hello?
LM: Good morning
PEW:: Good morning, what’s up?
LM: Well I called to, well first, everybody got their recorders on?
PEW:: Yep
LM: Okay good, I got my recorder on, you know, so everything stays accurate and truthful. Ah, tell me what’s up, are you coming down to get them?
PEW:: I want to meet you in [exchange point], LM.
LM: I can’t do that
PEW:: Why not?
LM: The same stuff I explained last night, I’m not going through it again
PEW:: Okay well then let me talk to S1 and tell him that his dad just decided
LM: Oh no, you’re not gonna tell him any such thing
PEW:: Yes well cuz that’s what happened
LM: That’s not what happened
PEW:: Daddy was supposed to bring you home, daddy decided not to
LM: No that’s not what happened, daddy has simply said to mommy that the boys can come home any time you want on Sunday, that’s what I’ve maintained. I didn’t tell him what you allege I told him, and I didn’t tell you what you allege I told you
PEW:: Well I got it in writing so don’t worry
LM: Okay
PEW:: Anyway
LM: You have it in writing but won’t send it to me where I said I was going to bring them home to [you].
PEW:: No, we’re going to court on Wed
LM: Okay
PEW:: Okay so you think that you…
LM: Well I gave you the opportunity, I said, hey if I made a mistake and said I was gonna bring them back to [you], send it to me
PEW:: Well first of all why would I ever say I was coming to pick them up in [LM's house], what kind of idiot would do that?
LM: The kind of idiot who says she misses her kids, that’s what kind of idiot
PEW:: You’re trying to play with my emotions
LM: No I’m not doing any such thing. I gave you two viable options. Sunday is exchange day, or whatever day you wanna call it. If you miss your kids…
PEW:: You are seriously…
LM: …and you want the kids, come get them
PEW:: Well I’ll tell you what LM…
LM: I have to come up to [there] anyway on Tuesday.
PEW:: Umhmm
LM: If you can’t come down and get them today I’ll bring them up on Tuesday
PEW:: Well let me tell you something right now LM, I think that you are seriously, seriously, mentally disturbed, and I’m going to ask my lawyer, I don’t care how much it costs, I’ll sell this house, and I will make sure that you never get to take them out of the state again, ever
LM: Please don’t call me names
PEW:: Ever, that’s where we are going on Wednesday. Okay, just so you know when you get to court my position is they should never ever go out of state again because of this
LM: Because of this
PEW:: And because of you hurting them emotionally, physically, yes

False allegations.  A mainstay of the psycho ex-wife.  I won’t accede to her demands.  When I don’t - the accusations of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse come to the fore.

LM: What are you talking about?
PEW:: You can’t be trusted, you’re a sociopath
LM: I’m a sociopath?
PEW:: Is that right?
LM: Yes
PEW:: Did you get that on tape?
LM: Please dispense with the name calling
PEW:: It’s not a name it’s a diagnosis okay?
LM: You’re not qualified to make a diagnosis
PEW:: And until you are evaluated by a real psychologist, or psychiatrist I’m not letting the kids come down there. There is something, seriously, seriously wrong with you.

As if she had that authority or power…

(more…)

As June 2005 rolled around and our 2nd battle over custody began in earnest, I was relegated to begging.  At least, that’s how I view this very long exchange between the Psycho Ex-Wife and I as I read through this entire exchange again.  Though I appear to be rather lucid and on-point, I’m really begging here.  We had begun some of our sessions with Gloria, the 2nd custody evaluator, by this point.

It’s also exemplifies, in a rather powerful way, just how futile it is to engage in debate and discussion with a high-conflict ex-partner.  It’s especially useless when they have a personality disorder.  (Thankfully, it was around this time where I discovered information about Borderline Personality Disorder and began to educate myself to avoid this type of insanity going forward.)

• It is full of examples that really encompassed all that was wrong with communicating with the PEW:
• Getting off of the original topic into other stuff.
• Her ability to completely re-write history.
• Her knack for backing out of agreements.
• Her lies and false accusations.
• Her need for attention from me and even DW.
• My useless attempts as setting her straight on reality.
• More…

This also continues the discussion about the summer schedule for 2005 and some other stuff that occurred, too. It’s broken up as we replied to specific issues in each subsequent email. So, without any further adieu, the marathon email waste-of-a-discussion starts… she titled this “A Few Things” —

PEW:

I am attempting to communicate, once again without going through a lawyer (since your lawyer never calls me back anyway) Please keep your responses, brief and to the subject:

LM:

As always.

PEW:

1. I would like to spend either a Sat or Sun (my days off) with the boys before they go away. I never agreed that you would have them this weekend (realizing that you do have them for Father’s day) I would like to spend this sat. or next sat with them doing something special. So which one would you rather have?

LM:

You did agree when you agreed to every other weekend. When I asked you to swap the weekend of the 4th with the weekend of the 11th, it was to swap those two weekends. If you were unwilling to swap the 4th and the 11th, it was important that you say so then, not come to me later and tell me that I cannot have the boys some later weekend, particular when that weekend is Father’s Day weekend.

As for the following weekend, I have to travel and made arrangements to fly out of and into [custody-state] airport. If you want to spend a special Saturday with them, do it on the 25th and I will arrange to pick them up later in the day (after dinner time). That is when my plane arrives and if I am too early, I will do some visiting until after dinner.

PEW:

2. Please let me know what your plans are for them while you are at work. If they will be staying with DW’s nanny. I would like her full name and background. What is her training? etc….. If they are going to camp, the name and # of the camp, please. If you can’t provide this before they are scheduled to come down, then I can’t send them.

LM:

At this point, I need for you to tell me that you are, for the time being, amenable to the schedule. As you have not said so, I’ve made no “camp” plans and at this point don’t intend to. We are meeting with Nanny this week to discuss everything and, as I have repeatedly stated previously, will get you the information as soon as everything has been detailed. Expect that they will be home and doing activities with Nanny, DW, and/or the kids while I am at work.

PEW:

3. In the future please have them keep their shirts on when in the sun for longer than an hour. Also, S2 is very fair and should wear nothing less than SPF 45. S1 should probably wear this as well, he is very badly burned. I will buy a bottle for you.

LM:

They had SPF 45 on their faces and SPF 30 on their bodies. It was applied at 11AM and then reapplied after lunch at about 1PM. S1 is not “very badly burned,” so please dispense with your latest embellishment. He was slightly red and had cream applied when we got home. He was not uncomfortable, slept without incident, and other then mentioning minor discomfort when putting a shirt on or taking it off – was otherwise unaffected. You need not buy any sunscreen for me. We have plenty. As for the future, yes – I will leave shirts on for prolonged exposure to the sun. Thanks for the tip, but we’re already on that one.

PEW:

4. Privacy issues….Especially in the after shock of what happened at school….both boys have said to me in the past few weeks that they have seen your [big penis]. I’m not so sure it’s a good idea for them to see you going to the bathroom if you have an erection. Please use discretion. S2 and S1 have both commented about this in the past several weeks, several times.

LM:

Your comment above is just plain disgusting and another complete fabrication. #1 – They haven’t been with me down here for a month. So, your assertion that they have told you anything of the sort “for the past several weeks” is a lie. #2 - S2 saw me going to the bathroom when he had come in to wash his hands. He laughed at me and, as I usually do and am responsible for teaching them, I said, “privacy” and he turned to give me privacy. #3 – IF S1 has said anything, perhaps he has seen me when we are at urinals next to one another during our prior pit-stops. It’s hardly inappropriate, PEW. And your intimation that it was somehow sexual will not be taken lightly. Futhermore, there is no connection to the school incident.

PEW:

5. Why doesn’t DW get out of the car and speak to me, when you guys drop the kids off? Don’t you think the kids are going to be effected by this? I would say “Hi DW, how was the weekend?” We could act like normal people. She doesn’t have to like me, but if she’s going to be their future stepmother, she should really make an attempt to at least acknowledge their Mom. If we can’t have conversations about the kids, how are they supposed to be spending two weeks at a time down there?

LM:

First, we didn’t have much time to stay and chat. Also, what effort do you make to interact with her? The few times she has been cordial, she has initiated the contact (each time at the apartment). How about you come out of the house and come on down to the van and say “Hi, how are you, DW?” Is it because this is another thing that has to be done only your way? Make an effort, PEW, it’s not that difficult. Communication it a two-way street. At the apartment, she came up for introductions. When we had little time, she has said “hi” at the van in the parking lot.

Also, if you would consider making an effort and meeting us half-way instead of making up repeated excuses, we could actually sit down and have a cup of coffee and chat for 10 or 15 minutes, exchange information, and talk like reasonable adults do. If you continue with making us to come all the way to your door, both directions during pick-up and drop-off, the most you’re likely to get is a wave and a smile. You need to try making an effort here, too. She’s already done so.

At the very least she cares enough about S1 and S2 to make sure they are travelling safely. A thank you from you about the efforts she makes (at least in regard to that) is long overdue.

PEW:

6. Since you guys live so close to a lake, can you please either teach the boys to swim, or get swimming lessons?

LM:

We’re working on that.

PEW:

Please be brief. I’m begging you. If you can’t answer the question, then I will let your lawyer know that I can’t do the summer arrangement because adequate information was not provided.

LM:

You ask questions and make disgusting, false accusations about things which require a bit more than what you probably feel is “brief.” So, I guess you’ll have to deal with my replies such as they are. Sorry I couldn’t be any more “brief” for you.

This would end exchange #1. It’s a rather bizarre mish-mash of issues which, in a normal situation wouldn’t be entirely unreasonable. However, she is not normal, half the issues she raises are false (one, disgustingly so), the others already in the works or a dreaded negotiation. It would be the one and only time she would stray that close to an accusation of sexual abuse. Admittedly, I did call her on the phone, a one-sided conversation, and told her in no uncertain terms that if she dared attempt to levy sexual abuse charges against me, there would be hell to pay.  Notice, also, her inability to take responsibility for teaching the children something important (again, and always).  Swimming.  Her parents own a pool that they were at almost constantly.  They also have a vacation home at a beach area… but it’s my responsibility solely to teach them to swim.

Onto the second exchange…

PEW:

1. First of all, I was implicating anything sexual or disgusting.

LM:

Go back and re-read what you wrote. You absolutely did.

PEW:

2. S1 IS badly burnt and did wake up several times last night and was crying when he took off his shirt.

LM:

If you say so. I wasn’t there. I can only communicate how he acts when he is with me, which, as we know, is different from how he acts when he is with you. But that’s a discussion for another day.

PEW:

3. I will be spending this Saturday the 18th with my kids. You can pick them up on Sunday morning or bedtime Sat night.

LM:

I will take this as your admission that you will not comply with the current custody order. I will notify my attorney accordingly.

PEW:

4. I will make arrangements for the kids for the summer then, since you refuse to give me the name of this “nanny” and tell me what her background is.

LM:

This will mark (at least) the fourth time that I told you that I will be meeting with her. I reiterate (for a fifth time) – as soon as I meet with her and get the information you request, I will send it along. Please try to pay attention to these emails.

PEW:

5. DW doesn’t wave or smile, what are you talking about? She blew me off the past several times I tried to say Hi.

LM:

You are a liar.

PEW:

As far as my meeting you half way, maybe if I had a more dependable car, I could do that.

LM:

This is a lie, too. Apparently, your car is dependable for *everything* except the concern you’ve repeatedly expressed about the children’s travel but, as yet, have failed to demonstrate with action. It’s only another story you tell to anyone who will listen. It’s dependable for work… for visiting your parents… for going to the beach with and without the children… for going to fishing tournaments with the children… for doing everything, that is, except doing anything to mitigate your oft-repeated but unsubstantiated claims about the “wear on the children” having to travel 3-1/2 hours to see their father.

PEW:

I won’t be talking to you directly again. They boys will be going to the YMCA summer camp in [local-town] until we go to court.

LM:

I’ll be sure to send the YMCA our current custody order so that they run no risk of interfering in the enforcement of it.

This would end exchange #2.  It’s events like these that I speak about when talking about questioning one’s own sanity.  If you didn’t stay on-the-ball, you could get lost in trying to determine the real from the fiction.  This marathon exchange would see me working very hard to take back reality from PEW’s fiction.  Although it is another wasted attempt to set her straight… it is as much about setting myself straight.

Part 2 (and subsequent parts) will see this discussion get more bizarre and spread to other issues, as was usual with her.

It’s FANTASY EMAIL TIME!

I believe that the email bomb from Psycho SIL is more than deserving of a fantasy email reply.  Fantasy Email Replies are those emails that you might like to send, but you cannot.  They are dangerous.  They are unproductive.  They can hurt you in a situation such as a high-conflict divorce and custody battle.  But I’ll be damned if they don’t feel good just to write them down and let it all out!  So, go on and re-read her unsolicited communication.  Below is how I might have like to respond if I didn’t know any better.  In reality, all I did was forward it to my attorney and ask him to send the other side a copy with a firm “cease and desist” request, which he did.

Dear Psycho-SIL,

First, you should not threaten me. What you wrote are threats, but I realized a long time ago that you are too big a moron to recognize that reality. I offer you the following positive response that is beneficial to both of your nephews: Go fuck yourself. Now, regardless of what is apparent to all of those idiots who enable the crazy behaviors of you and your sister, one thing is for certain – the less time the children spend with you and your family, the better. That is what is best for the children and for me.

It is great to hear that you finally settled your imaginary lawsuit. My only wish is that I had on tape the discussions I overheard between you and the PEW where you planned your “accidental fall” at the hospital in the aftermath of your gastric bypass surgery. Nothing quite demonstrates craziness (not that your long and checkered past didn’t do that already) than deliberately smashing your face on a table at the hospital in order to commit fraud – something with which you have extensive experience. Had I been in a position to prove your fraud, it would have been a delight beyond what I can put in words to have been able to be a surprise witness for the hospital, waltzing in with taped evidence of your plan to commit this crime. I suppose it is a good thing that your former customers (Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe) were willing to take you on as a client. My guess is – they weren’t one of the customers that you stole from during your short career as Regional Manager of Computer Store.

The fear I have given the knowledge of your unlimited resources is steep. It’s obvious from the fact that you’re now living in that palatial estate known as “your parent’s basement” that you’ve spared no expense in the aftermath of your victory. Can you feel me shaking in my boots?

As for your list of demands… I will not return the van to the PEW. I’ve paid for it completely. Twice. Once when new. Once one I gave PEW half the current value of the van in trade with a car (which I also paid for entirely) and $5,000 cash. Of course, if your sister wants to give me the car and the cash back, I would actually consider it! However, we both know how much PEW covets cash. The type of “man” I am is the one who sat back, laid out all of the (more than) fair options and simply awaited PEW’s decision, which she made of her own accord. As for her regrets – may I offer you both the toughest shit possible.

Regarding therapy for the children – I have very little problem with doing so, as they need it in order to manage both the changes that are occurring in their lives and, hopefully, to be able to manage the craziness, irresponsibility, and lack of discipline that your family will undoubtedly try to instill in them. There are already enough bullies on your side of the family – I’m not interested in seeing them groom two more. Further, when I am convinced that this is not yet another effort to pin some mental illness or other label that will result in the boys being drugged like so many other children are, unnecessarily, nowadays, this will occur. His anger-management issues are a direct result of your sister’s (and your) frequent, unexpected explosive behaviors, in addition to what they may have seen or heard within their household. S1’s eating and weight issues are a direct result of your entire family’s inability to either eat healthy or get any meaningful exercise. Have any of you looked in the mirror lately? There is enough flesh and weight to sink a barge. When you speak about health, eating, and weight management – all you and the family needs to do is take a good hard look in the mirror (or several of them) to find the root of their dietary issues. Finally, I can assure you that your concerns regarding the children meeting DW are dwarfed by my concerns (and those of other health professionals) regarding the significant presence and influence you have in their lives as a diagnosed bi-polar with substance abuse problems and a lengthy criminal history. I would welcome you to subpoena whoever you want. You have my 100% guarantee that you will be quite surprised as to what most of them will testify to regarding PEW.

Regarding the climate control in our home – I will keep the heat on, as I have always done, 68-70 degrees. Unlike your sister, the inside of the home does not need to be heated to the level of a tropical paradise. Anything higher than that is a waste of energy and money, things that have never concerned your sister because she was not responsible for paying for any of that, either. As for the lighting issue, all I have ever asked is that lights be turned off in rooms that are not in use. Again, for normal people in this world, that is standard operating procedure. After all, shouldn’t we all be making reasonable efforts to reduce our carbon footprint?

As an additional reality check – as required by the court order, I already pay the larger percentage of unreimbursed medical expenses in addition to paying a substantial sum of money to carry the children on my insurance plan. Given your past expertise in the “fuzzy math” necessary for you to gain financially regardless of who you rip-off in the process, I can understand your demand. Still, it will not happen. The children do not live nude while in my custody, they have nice clothes (when your sister isn’t throwing them out) and are dressed well for school. Your delusions are laughable and it would appear it may be time to increase the dosage of your meds. Ooops! My mistake, you’re not taking any (at least not legally).

Finally, I don’t harass the PEW. Quite the contrary in fact and I have years worth of evidence to demonstrate this. Some of the unmitigated craziness includes you and others in your family as well. Even your own brother believes you’re a nutcase who is a “total drama queen who could go off at anytime.” (That’s a direct quote, I can send you a copy of the email if you’d like to review it.) I won’t be just dealing with you, you crazy psychotic bitch. The only scary part of this entire email is that you’re in some bizarre place right now where you actually believe you have the power, authority, and connections to follow-through on your threats. One order of yours I will follow-through on, though. Discussions will be between attorneys – and it starts with this email. I have a feeling that even your crazy-assed sister is going to be shocked, surprised, and quite pissed at what you’ve tried to do. My only hope is that it serves to undermine her case, further support the grave concerns I have with regard to her having so much custody, and the likely significantly increased exposure the children will have to you and the rest of your family. You’re a frigging loon.

Most Sincerely,
LM

January 2005 was a very busy month.  After having caved-in and operating from a very weak position in terms of just about everything associated with the divorce and custody at this point, PEW and her “associates” simply ramped-up the terror campaign.  So, if you have any thoughts that giving-in reduces the interactions and craziness associated with a high-conflict and disordered ex-spouse - think again.  It gives them carte-blanche to press the pedal harder to the metal.  Psycho-SIL (PP) decided to interject herself into the festivities, as she would do from time-to-time.  To read her bio, click here:  PP, Her Story. Think diagnosed bi-polar, stalker, substance-abuser, sick twisted bitch.

Apparently, she was going to stand up for what was fair for her little sister.  Apparently, the agreement to which PEW signed off after making some serious alterations wasn’t good enough.  So, the big, fat, tough-ass decided to flex her email muscles…

LM,

First, I don’t want you to email me back that I should not threaten you. These are not threats. They are merely statements of fact which I will act on immediately if I do not see positive responses to my requests or suggestions that are most beneficial to my nephews. It’s been apparant to many people, both in my family and professionals that have been dealing with your divorce and subsequent custody issues, that you have only been concerned for what is best for YOU-not your two little boys.

I finally settled my lawsuit on Monday. Suffice to say that with pain & suffering, after my attorneys fees have been taken out, I won’t have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Halfway through my case, I changed my representation to [Dewey, Cheatum, & Howe LLP], as they were former customers of mine at [Company from whom I embezzled funds and got fired] and I felt that they were more at the level necessary to deal with the legal team that the University Hospital had working for them. It was the best decision I ever made.

I’m telling you this because I want you to know that I now have unlimited resources to pursue the necessary legal remedies to get my nephews the proper support from their father without their mother having to go through a constant onslaught of harassment on every tiny issue.

First and most importantly, I want you to return the van to PEW. Why any kind of man would want his former wife, someone he once loved to be driving his two young sons, whom he supposedly still does love, around in a less safe, less mechanically sound vehicle 90 percent of the time, merely so he can feel safer when he makes the out of town drives to see his new girlfriend and her family, I just don’t understand. Especially coming into the worst driving weather of the year-I’m at a loss-what kind of a MAN are you, I mean, REALLY? However, my attorneys think that based on the piles of harassing emails PEW received from you trying to get her to agree to the deal, telling her you wouldn’t sign the divorce decree etc, we can get a judge to see that PEW signed that agreement under duress. No problem. Oh, and she will NOT be paying for the repair on the car - you knew that was the inferior car when you gave it to her.

Secondly, I want you to sign an agreement immediately for both the boys to go to therapy. Supposedly this is already in the works but I’ll believe it when I see it. I want you to pay for half of the co-pay for each of them. Not only to deal with the divorce issue but I suspect S1 will need separate sessions for his weight problem and his anger management issues - both of which you are directly responsible for. You will pay half of those co-pays also. Your Mommie Dearest technique of not letting him leave the table for extended periods of time from the toddler years on no doubt led him to his now unhealthy eating style. His sudden outbursts of anger are something many people have witnessed in you over the years both personally and professionally. My lawyers are willing to subpeona your work colleagues, former friends and neighbors, your first wife, your former in laws (1st-wife’s and PEW’s), S1’s teacher at [Good Churchschool] that you bragged to about making him sit at the table for hours etc……as I said, I’m willing to do whatever it takes…..I’m also concerned that you would introduce the boys to your new girlfriend and have her stay over the same night, without easing them into a comfortable relationship with her first. Obviously, no one can stop you from having someone new in your life but any professional is going to question your method of how you “helped” your sons adjust to this newest change in a long series of recent changes…..

Third, You will keep the heat on at least 72 on so that it is warm before the boys get to your house. They do come home sick everytime from your house and everytime I was ever at your house when PEW still lived there you were always harping on her to keep all of the lights out and the heat low. After all, she gets stuck paying for all of their doctor copays, their meds, their clothes etc. I could not believe the emails I read the other day from you. You never buy them any clothes. PEW and my mom buy all of their clothes and nice ones. You send S1 to school looking like a ragamuffin. You should be ashamed of yourself. Frankly, I don’t know how you look at yourself in the mirror.

Finally, unless I think of something else, don’t harass my sister anymore. Have your lawyer talk to her lawyer. Plus, don’t bother trying to talk to her about this-just deal with me. She obviously knows at this point that you have manipulated her and that my father and I need to take over for the boys’ best interests. Let me know if you are going to give her back the van - If I don’t hear from you by 2PM Friday, I’ll begin to put things in motion on my end. If you aren’t willing to do the van thing and the other things I’ve mentioned above, stop harassing her and let her get on with her life, start doing right for the boys once and for all-we’ll be going to court for full custody-and it won’t be [PEW Attorney #1] you will be dealing with next time-and it won’t be pretty because you’ve made a lot of enemies over the years and I intend to have my team of lawyers from [Dewey, Cheatum, & Howe LLP] call each and every one of them if necessary. By the time we are done with you, any proceeds YOU make from the house will be gone.

Just remember, YOU brought this on YOURSELF, trying to squeeze every last penny out of PEW at your sons expense. Let me know how it’s going to be.

~Psycho SIL

Wow!  This crazy psychotic bitch really, truly believes that she has all of these connections and all of this power to influence!  The above is pure fantasy.  Quite deserving of a fantasy email reply, wouldn’t you say?