The Psycho Ex Wife

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THE CONCLUSION continuing from Part 6, mercifully.  To close out this series that sets the stage for what would be an extremely difficult summer of 2005… are 3 email exchanges that finish up the series of emails that went back-and-forth over the course of 5 days.  We close out rather anti-climactically, with her repeating her same old mindless lies and my repeating my same old mindless truths.

PEW:

Listen, you had almost 50/50 custody of the kids. Then you left town. Please stop saying that I am trying to prevent you from spending meaningful time with them. You did that all by yourself.

LM:

Again with the fictional account of reality. Firstly, I didn’t have “almost 50/50.” You and your attorney saw to that when you amended our agreement after we reached one that was truly 50/50. After you got done chopping out my “every other Monday” and refusing to allow extra weekdays - it was more like 65/35, which was advantageous to you because then you marched right out and filed a petition to modify the support order to increase your stipend (after saying you weren’t) because again, that’s more important than time with the boys. I won’t even start with your repeated threats and hanging Sonya’s recommendation over my head, which - I remind you yet again, recommended almost exactly what I am asking for during the Summer - a reversal of primary. Try not to forget that. Even Sonya’s report, which you like to throw in my face - recognized the importance of appropriately significant time with the boys. However, your uncanny ability to ignore that reality would mean you would have to admit to yourself that what I ask for IS in the best interests of the children - Sonya’s recommendation reflected that and I am hoping that Gloria’s report also reflects the sentiment she offered during our sessions about that importance.

Also - and I will continue to reiterate this - with few exceptions, the situation would be very close to the same whether I lived in [any of several surrounding communities] or [home-state]. You would have primary time during the school year and I would probably be having to fight with you just the same for primary during the Summer. Stop trying to portray the relocation to [home-state] as being “the only” reason that the situation is what it is. It’s not the reality, as usual.

PEW:

I truly think you’re losing it when I read your emails. That is why I am not going to comment further because I think you are having a nervous breakdown or something.

LM:

Don’t count on it, PEW.

PEW:

Like I said, you will get to spend a good amount of time with the boys over the summer and throughout the year. You’ll get extended weekends and christmas vacation etc…. That’s the best I can do.

LM:

It’s not the “best you can do.” It’s all you’re willing to do because all you care about is you.

PEW:

I have to take the car in for service and new tires, once I do that maybe I’ll start meeting you halfway.

LM:

I won’t hold my breath. Apparently, the car is reliable for EVERYTHING ELSE in your life except the “safety of the children” during their treks to [home-state] that you so often pontificate about but actually do nothing to mitigate. One can hope, though.

That’s the end of the first of three emails that will bring this segment of my disaster to a conclusion. More scatterbrained topics, historical re-writes, and mindless drivel from the both of us.

(more…)

Continuing from Part 5, where PEW made overtures of my returning to her if I “changed” - she does the mirroring thing where she again projects, even using similar language to my own often used against her.   You’ll notice that with each new allegation - there is a complete lack of supporting evidence.  In fact, there isn’t even an effort to at least detail in text anything that would support her claims.  She just randomly tosses out thoughts and accusation.  Of course, those hooks would deeply embed in my cheek and I would be caught in the madness.  This is not the conclusion, I’m sorry to say.

PEW:

When I read this….I wonder if we were sharing the same life for the time we were married. Do you actually believe yourself? Just as you claim, you “revisionist history” so do I.

LM:

Yes, but the difference between you and I is that I can substantiate the overwhelming majority of what I claim with stuff written or typed by you. Further, I can substantiate the claims I make about myself in much the very same way. The public you and the private your are two vastly different things, and all of those people who “love you” and your public personna would be aghast at the way you conducted your life in private.

PEW:

I guess your family and friends have your story and my family and friends have mine. Who’s right, who’s wrong, who really cares anymore? For someone who is “over it” you certainly put alot of energy into trying to correct my account of the way things were. I’m tired of going back and forth too.

LM:

True, and the energy I put into this has one purpose and it’s not dwelling on the past… it’s precisely what I have repeatedly claimed it was - recounting actual events in the face of your storytelling. When your storytelling and whining about our marriage stops - so do my corrections. Think about it.

PEW:

I’m saying that you’ll get to spend ample amount of time with the kids, until we get the report from Gloria.

LM:

Yes, as I figured - until you get what you hope is appropriate ammo to use against me. I hope the roll of the dice is worth the consequences for you, because you are fighting against what is good for the children. Keep that in mind when you go to bed at night. The children want to spend more time with me. The children need to spend more time with me. What SHOULD this all mean to you if you really gave a rat’s ass about the children? What it means is that you are fighting against the children.

PEW:

I’ll also get to spend an ample amount of time with them because that is what is fair. So the summer, until we get to court, will be split 50/50.

LM:

So what you’re telling me is that 2 months primary for me and 10 months primary for you isn’t “fair.” You know who it isn’t fair to? You. Why? Because it’s about you and not the children. This situation shouldn’t be left up to Gloria. She said that herself. This should be decided by us and by fair-minded people. However, clearly, someone who believes that 2 months of primary time with their father isn’t “fair” - can’t possibly be a rational, clear thinking adult with the best interests of the children in mind. Only more vindictiveness and if the children suffer - you couldn’t care less, as long as you could cry long and hard about how little help you get.

PEW:

As usual, I’m not going to respond to any of the things you’ve said because it’s all “bull”. I will say one thing though, I have many meaningful long term relationships with people. I still have my best friend from Kindergarten, high school, my old neighborhood. I am close with my family, cousins, Aunts/Uncles. Neighbors like me, co-workers, bosses, teachers, doctors.

LM:

Who are you trying to convince here? You sure are working hard to convince yourself (it seems). You have superficial relationships with most of them, and those who don’t agree with your stories or question your version of events - GONE! POOF! Just like that! Just like so many counselors, coworkers, friends, etc…

PEW:

How many meaningful relationships do you have? Not many. You’re not close to anyone LM. Not your brothers anymore, I doubt you even talk to MCB much.

LM:

Do you even have a clue what you’re talking about? Clearly not. I have many meaningful relationships with friends, many friends of 20+ years. MCB, Lisa, Brian, Dave, Christine, Paul - several people you never even met. But I know it makes you feel good to think that I am just a lost, suffering soul without someone who considers themselves as great as you think you are. As for my family, we have our occasional disagreements, but please don’t delude yourself into thinking what you’ve written above.

Just another case of you working very hard to accept your own distortions as reality. It still isn’t working on my watch, PEW. Count on that.

PEW:

Who has the credibility in a situation like this? The guy who is anti-social and backwards, or the person well-liked by pretty much everyone who meets her? That aint you. Most of the people from [our workplace] hated you.

LM:

Other than Toni, you should think twice about mentioning the people at [workplace]. The people at [workplace] always have liked me and still do. I assure you that the same couldn’t be said for you. But again, you pacify yourself with these warped distortions of reality. Remember, I’m the guy who had to bail you out (twice) from major, unprofessional blowouts at work. But again… stories that matter not here anymore except to pacify your desire to dwell on the past and work so hard to convince yourself of how great you are.

PEW:

You had major falling outs with a majority of your friends (fantasy football and otherwise, ie: Don)

LM:

One guy. One. 1, PEW. A guy who doesn’t speak to me because he cheated his friends for money. Nice example you picked there.

PEW:

LM, you have never had the ability to get along with anyone.

LM:

False.

PEW:

I on the other hand, have successful relationships with some pretty difficult people.

LM:

Pretty difficult people who support you. You abandon those who question your version of events, including friends, neighbors, coworkers, whomever. You have successful relationships with people who believe your distortions of reality. And that’s fine. Having people blindly having faith in you works for you. It’s easy to cast aside people who would question your fabrications and have actually either seen or heard you in action… or had the opportunity to see your own words on paper. Those are the people you quit on time and time again.

PEW:

What does all this mean to you, you might ask? It means that reality is, you are the one with the problem. I may not be perfect, but the drama that you portray in your little stories is just not reality. Wake up, look around at the faces around you….anybody look familiar? I didn’t think so.

LM:

You have your sister, who is “there” for you because she provides you what? MONEY. Oh, that, and you can’t function without having someone there to help you. That’s why you spend all of the time you do at your parents and having your sister around. You can’t handle life on your own. I hope her rent is worth the risk involved, as Gloria said. Think about it… how often are you actually ALONE with the children… one-on-one (or two as it were)? Probably NEVER at this point, because you can’t handle them on your own, either… so much so that you would risk exposing them to the potential consequences of the next backslide by your sister.

Thinking of the children? You’re not really, PEW. Just keeping them as your last weapon against “big, bad LM.” Very sad for them.

They’ll see some day. I hope that you’re working now on the answers to the questions that are sure to come from them. I know I am.

She doesn’t. She hasn’t. She won’t.  To be continued…

After the exchange detailed in Part 4, she “took a few days” to think about what I wrote.  Clearly, it did no good. In fact, this would be one of several times I’ve shared where she encourages me to “come back to her.” Yes, even amongst all of this back-and-forth about how horrible I allegedly was… how she has gotten past everything… how she is glad to be rid of me… right here she makes overtures of taking me back. I kid you not.

PEW:

I had to think about this for a few days, but here is all I can say to you. Yes, it is sad that our family broke up. All you had to do, was listen to me when I talk, not scream in my face when we disagree, be respectful, let me make some decisions about how and when and for what we were going to spend money on, and we would still be together.

LM:

Wow. Most of this stuff is so patently false or inaccurate that I would almost think you were joking. As usual, I will offer you a dose of reality:

1 – Listen to you when you talk: I listened to you when you talked. I listened when you demanded. I listened when you threw hysterical fits to get your way. I listened when you repeatedly threatened divorce and or walked out because things were not done in accordance with your demands. I listened when you called me the most horrible names and tossed out the most unconscionable insults, cursed me, wished me dead in front of the children, threatened divorce and threatened to walk out (and sometimes did) dozens and dozens of times during the course of our marriage, I listened when you disparaged my family and friends. I listened to it all and I guarantee you that I listened for so much longer than any reasonable man would have or should have. I did so under the clearly misguided belief that with the proper guidance, the marriage could be saved. However, you never gave that guidance any chance of working because occasionally, you would hear things about you that you didn’t agree with – and, as always – quit. This is not to say that I didn’t make mistakes, I most certainly did. However, I made significant efforts to get guidance with controlling my volume in the face of your viciousness and horrible mouth. I might add that I was successful in that endeavor.

Conspicuously absent from your assessment above – is your complete lack of self-control and your expert ability to mentally and verbally abuse another person like no other I have encountered in all of my life, either directly or indirectly – and its impact on our ability to discuss much of anything like reasonable adults. It was you who flat out told me that you weren’t going to stop calling me names and being insulting, all the while demanding that I wouldn’t raise my voice when you started in with one of your verbal assaults, and still – I went and addressed my issues (years before) the end of our marriage even though you wouldn’t do the same.

2 – Be respectful: I was. And for the better part of our 8-year marriage, I maintained that in the face of your venomous diatribes against me and mine. Yes, on occasion, I got loud in the face of your verbal assaults. I sought guidance for that. You never did for your lack of self-control issues, which remain in place - even today.

3 – Let you make decisions regarding how, when, and for what we would spend money on: That’s all I ever did. When I did the bills – you complained. When I gave the bills to you – you complained. When I re-acquired responsibility for the bills – you complained. We got central air-conditioning on your say so. We got cars when you decided you no longer wanted what you had (3 times). We moved on your demands and under threat of divorce. We moved to the location you wanted on your demands and under threat of divorce. But seriously, that is all water under the bridge.

The bigger issue is this – that you have the audacity to dare even mention this in the face of the reality that is for years – FOR YEARS – all I ever wanted to do is sit down and create a budget WITH you. A budget that would be worked out together to determine a spending and savings plan so that we could really determine what we had coming in, what we had going out, and figure out how to save in order to spend on those things that we desired to obtain. Not one time did you ever agree to work together to make a budget. Not one time. Your idea of a budget is to go out and secretly get your own credit card, run up $6,000 worth of debt in 6-months, and then divorce me knowing that I would be “on the hook” for half of it. The whole idea behind preparing a budget was to do just what you allege I wouldn’t do (make smart decisions on saving & spending), but your paranoia that it was being done to somehow “track” only what you spend was too powerful to allow you to recognize the importance of a budget given our track record and our inability to actually save money for the future – our future and our children’s future. I can’t remember how many times you would justify the desire to go deeper into debt by telling me how much MORE in debt your friends were. Brilliant logic.

Finally, we would not still be together. Ultimately, your desire to control and dominate everything in our relationship and use whatever threats and tools of manipulation available to you ensured it wasn’t going to survive. Even today you continue to use the children and my desire to spend meaningful time with them as a weapon, which is the saddest part of all. 2 months, PEW. I’m asking for primary time for 2 months out of the year and appropriate meaningful time during the balance of the year that will be least disruptive to their school schedule. That’s the bottom line and you continue to fight against it.

PEW:

If you are so distraught about how the boys lives are right now. Change and then come back. I would love for them to have an intact family, but LM you were unbearable. There are two very distinct sides to your personality. There is the funny (hilarious), the loving, etc… Then there is the other side, selfish, controlling, tempermental, moody, impulsive, etc….

LM:

More unbelievable projection on your part and I have the documentation to prove it. I’ve already listed examples of your controlling and manipulative behavior in this email. I could make a list that would be nearly unending if I thought there was any purpose in doing so. I allowed myself to be forced to make huge, life-affecting decisions based upon your moodiness, unpredictable temperament, and threats that define you as the controlling person you always have been and probably always will be. As for selfishness – you lived the “if you get something I have to get something of equal or greater value” mantra. It was almost obsessive. Remember – it was you who said “if you get that motorcycle, I’m divorcing you!” It was you who said, “if you get that motorcycle, then I am getting a diamond ring that costs at least as much!” This, despite the fact that my father gave me the money to buy that bike when I told him I couldn’t justify spending the money on it. And what did you say when I told you that? You told me that I should not get the bike anyway because there were other things that you wanted to see that money spent on. When did I ever do stuff like that to you? Never. When your parents gave you money, did I ever say something like that? Did I ever demand “a cut” of it? Did I ever question what it was you were going to spend that money on? Never. Let’s not even get started about your antics over most holidays regarding what you got, how you got it, when you got it, and everything else. If I went out to visit a friend on a given day or night (a rare occurrence), you were all about making sure you got even, this – despite the fact that I never stopped you from doing things on your own, with your friends, and always encouraged you to do so. You made everything “tit-for-tat.” My goodness it’s so hard for me to fathom that you either believe you are not this person or just simply will go through life failing to acknowledge the significance of the horrifying things you did and said in our marriage.

Reality, PEW. This is the reality.

PEW:

If you can get that side under control, then I would most certainly welcome you back into my life. If you can’t acknowledge it then there’s nothing I can do to help the kids beyond what I am already doing.

LM:

That “side” that you embellish to no end is in control and has been very much in control to everyone except you and those you convince to propagate such embellishment (and in some cases, outright fabrication). That’s the way you work. Surround yourself with those who tell you, “Yeah, yeah, PEW – you’re right! You were horribly abused! I can’t believe you put up with that bad guy for so long!” and eliminate from your life those who say, “PEW, you know, I’m not so sure that your portrayal is all that accurate” or similar. It’s what keeps the distortions alive and kicking in your mind. Without those who would question your judgment, your versions of stories, your portrayals of who I am and how I operate – friends, family, counselors, whomever – you can be happy in your world of animosity, anger, and bitterness towards “Big Bad LM.” Think about it, you would tell people, the court, the counselors how you “feared for your safety” and “feared for your life” living with me. Yet, lived in the same house with me for nearly 4 full months after deciding you wanted a divorce (because I was so horrible) when I told you to take your time if you’re hell bent on following through with divorce and moving out, and find a place that is appropriate for you and the kids. When I bring this contradiction of your distortion and the actual reality to your attention, you get confused and cross-eyed trying to explain away how your distortion and the reality don’t quite match up. Your house of distortion will crumble under the weight of reality.

What needs to happen is for you to wake up and realize that there is nothing left for us to fight about. I’ve moved on from our marriage. You should have, too. You need to begin to move forward whether you accept “my version” of events or “your version” of events about a past that is long gone. We are divorced, PEW – none of that matters now. Very little of what I wrote above matters now. What is of paramount importance now are the boys. Stop wasting precious time, energy, and money fighting against their spending meaningful time with me. I am tired of these emails back and forth, however, I will no longer allow you to type these revisions of history without challenge. I’m sure you must be becoming tired of it, too, and if not – that is another problem. The boys are handling things as best as possible right now and this crap between us needs to stop, too. I repeat – the schedule I have suggested is not unreasonable given the circumstances. Are you really going to sit back and await Gloria’s report on the chance that it might not recommend what I request so that you can use that as a battering ram against me? More bitterness, anger, and hostility? Is that the chance you want to take when all of this BS could stop with an agreement? All of your blathering on about the “detriment of the children” and they seem to be handling things as well as can be expected, but if you think that eventually they aren’t going to be impacted by this ongoing animosity over how much time you are “willing to allow” them to spend with a father who loves them dearly – you are tragically mistaken. What the heck are you going to tell them if they discover that you fought so hard to prevent them from spending this time with me? I hope you’ve given this a great deal of thought.

Thank GOD I would discover low-contact in June of 2005. It would take some time to effectively employ it, but I gotta tell ya… this is an exhausting read even years later.

I’d like to think that my empassioned plea would crack the disordered facade of the Psycho Ex-Wife.  However, like having invisible deflector-shields that simply push reality out and around her rather than allowing it to have an impact - it simply never happened.

Will Part 6 be the conclusion?

Continuing from Part 3… This exchange focuses primarily on the events of the second custody evaluation sessions and a debate over who is bitter, angry, and dwelling on the past…

PEW:

LM, I am not bitter or angry. I am not trying to get back at you for anything.

LM:

But clearly you are. It was evident in the custody evaluation. It is evident with each new embellished or fabricated accusation. It’s clear in most everything you do or say. Out of one side of your mouth, it’s all about how I don’t help and how I am “not there” for the children and yet – you are fighting tooth & nail to prevent just that from happening in a capacity that is least disruptive to the children’s educations at this point. You talk and talk and talk and type and type and type and yet, you can’t (or rather won’t) resolve the huge conflict between your words and your actions. If there is one thing that I am angry about regarding the divorce – it’s the effect it has on the kids, which you have yet to take responsibility for. They had a loving home with two parents, you took that away from them as well as the only house they had known. I had no illusions about our marriage, I was there for the kids, not for you. As with everything else in your life, someone else is to blame so that you can play the “victim”.

PEW:

I couldn’t be happier to be rid of you, however you do make things very difficult for me where the kids are concerned. I feel bad for them that you “use” the kids because you are still angry about my filing for divorce.

LM:

Is that what you believe? You’ll notice that in the evaluation – you repeatedly attempted to badmouth me and “tell the whole (alleged) truth.” You were repeatedly stopped or otherwise interrupted by Gloria. How many times did she say, “that happened a long time ago, we need to focus today and the future” ??? Only you spoke of the past wrongs that have been allegedly perpetrated upon you during your marriage. I certainly wasn’t the one dwelling on the past and the marriage. I was the one dwelling on the children and their future.

PEW:

The years I spent with you were the MOST unhappy years of my life. The only good thing to come out of being with you are S1 and S2……

LM:

Hey, I understand your feelings. You don’t have to repeat them to me. You made that clear when you attempted, and then quit (again), marital counseling.

PEW:

if only you could put aside your anger and just help me parent them and stop wanting more more more for yourself.

LM:

That’s precisely what I am trying to do. Isn’t this the part where you tell me that I am the “greedy” one for wanting to spend the majority of two months out of the twelve in question with my sons? I can’t help parent them if you CONTINUALLY FIGHT my time with them. Or am I supposed to just be the disciplinarian over the phone so you can be the “good” parent you so strongly want to be? You want to be the one that buys them things, and then send them to the phone so Dad can reprimand them and correct them when they misbehave. That’s not parenting. You continually say, and so do ALL the counselors they have seen, that they need time with me, yet you fight me in court to take that time away? There can only be one reason for that PEW, it’s all about you and not the boys. It never has been about the boys with you.

PEW:

Always wanting things your way, which is the way it always was. I find your assertion that it’s “my way or the highway” hilarious.

LM:

You wanted me to sell the house. You ultimately got it. You wanted the car and $5,000 cash. You got it. You wanted to modify the custody agreement (twice) after we had worked things out. You got it. You wanted alimony to continue until we got our divorce decree. You got it. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, PEW. You keep deluding yourself into believing it’s the other way around. More classic projection on your part. Throughout this divorce, and it’s proven in court documents and attorney work product, it has been ME giving in on property settlement and custody agreements in order to end the fighting. That ends here. Those boys need me and I will fight for the time I am entitled to, and the type of parenting they need.

PEW:

You are the one who keeps bringing up the past by continually saying, I filed for divorce and what a terrible decision it was. It wasn’t terrible. THIS is terrible, but every day I pray that you’ll get over it and just be happy that you met DW. If she even “likes” you, consider yourself lucky and move on because you are NOT an easy person to get along with. God Bless her, the poor thing.

LM:

More distortions of reality, PEW. My reminders to you that you filed for divorce, are only to bring reality back to you when you, yet again, lay 100% of the blame for all of your problems at my doorstep. Like living in an apartment for a year - your choice for not taking the settlement. Driving the car – your choice over the van because you wanted that money. The list goes on. The truth is out there, PEW, you just need to face it. Someday you will be an adult and understand what your actions have caused and hopefully you will take responsibility when those boys ask why they didn’t see Daddy as much as they wanted to, it’s because of you. They will someday see the court documents and wonder why, when you say I’m such a good father and that they needed me, that you stopped me from seeing them. They will know the truth in time.

PEW:

I am waiting to go to court and whatever the judge decides on the summer and the school year, I’ll live with, but first I’m going to make sure that the “whole” story is told.

LM:

Right… and, as usual, this conflicts with your assertion that you are not bitter and angry, an assertion made in the opening of this very email. And what is the “whole” story PEW? Again, it’s you living in the past as you keep saying you are moving on. Mark my words right now, should the judge give me more time than you think I should have, for whatever reason, you will say the judge was wrong and was duped, because you can never accept that you are wrong and responsible. It’s a sickness.

PEW:

I want the kids to have a good relationship with you, but not at THEIR expense, or at the expense of their relationship with me because you could have been here in [custody-state], co-parenting, like a good father should, but this is what YOU chose, not me.

(more…)

As we continue on from Part 2, the discussion continues on custody but also gets sidetracked by discussions regarding my alleged “deadbeatedness” - another break from reality. She starts by telling me that she’ll provide me the alleged receipts she was paying Mrs. JM for watching S2 for three half-days per week - a total of $160/week. Receipts that she would ultimately never produce.

PEW:

I had the copies of the checks to Mrs. JM and [childcare center] sitting on the table to give you when you dropped them off.

LM:

Okay. You can mail them or put them in the bag for the forthcoming weekend. I also have copies of the health insurance cards made and laminated. They are the same (one card for both boys) but I made two copies of it. I was going to just mail them to you.

PEW:

If anything I’ve paid way more than what is in the support order because of days off etc….for S1 when he can’t go to [childcare center]. I am also going to ask the judge that you pay for part of S2’s tuition for this year. Also, my salary is not going to wind up being $31000 for the year, so we might be going back to a support conference anyway. I have missed a lot of time with the kids being sick etc……not that I mind being there for my children. It’s just hard when you have NO other parent around.

LM:

For someone who doesn’t mind being there for the children, all you do is complain about it. So much so that even Gloria floated the idea of switching custody, which I would welcome.

PEW:

Listen, you don’t set me straight on anything with your emails. It’s all your little fairy tail in your head…everyone knows that LM. Nothing you ever write is true.

LM:

Documented facts say otherwise.

PEW:

That’s fine about the 25th, but I am not agreeing to the summer proposal. Not at all, you’ve refused to work with me, so until you have a court order.

LM:

6 revisions to the original request says otherwise. Thank you for the understanding regarding the 25th. I truly do appreciate it.

PEW:

You’ll have them for the two weeks you requested and every other weekend after that. I’m not in contempt of anything. You better talk to your lawyer before you start making threats.

LM:

I repeat, I’m not making threats. There is a court order in effect. There is an interim agreement for the balance of the school year which we both agreed to in front of the master. I am not threatening you. I am reminding you that there are consequences for taking a hard-line that is not in compliance with orders/agreements currently in existence. Remember? You asked for “no surprises” and “no underhandedness.” Again, doing so in the face of your combativeness to no benefit of my own.

This would end the 5th or 6th exchange. She lies about having receipts or canceled checks for Mrs. JM (because she wasn’t paying her anywhere near $160/week, if she was paying her anything at all). She ramps-up the projection, telling me that “nothing” I ever write is true. She thinks she’s entitled to an increase in support for time she misses from work. She (again) complains about having to care for the children.

The only good thing was that she backed-down in the face of me holding my ground on the upcoming weekend that was in question. The next back-and-forth…

PEW:

I’ve never complained about “being there” for the children. I’ve only complained that you are not there for the children therefore making it very much more difficult for US.

LM:

No, you complained about how much of a burden is was for you… a burden that would exist whether I was in [Neartown1] or [home-state]. [Neartown2] or [Neartown3]. [Neartown4] or [Neartown5]. A burden that exists because you wanted a divorce. As usual, your lack of foresight prevented you from understanding just how difficult life becomes for everyone involved when you make such a decision.

PEW:

There are no documented facts, just you and your ridiculous claims. Speaking of documents though, I can’t wait to go to court, because I have a few documented suprises for you.

LM:

I’m sure you do. While I want to focus on the future and the children, you want to focus on telling everyone who will give you 5 minutes to speak how awful I allegedly was during our marriage. Heck, even Gloria struggled to get you re-focused on the matter at hand and not complain about what happened a year ago or longer.

PEW:

And your revisions were ridiculous. You are ridiculous. I am the only one who ever made concessions, since day 1 which started May 1st 2004.

LM:

No they weren’t. Each time you created a new “issue” - I revised the schedule to accommodate each new roadblock. Each time, you would come up with something new after I gave up MORE meaningful time during the Summer, and then I would adjust again. That’s the reality. First it was the travel frequency. Then I adjusted. Then it was the time away from Mom. Then I adjusted. Then there were adjustments for vacations (normal). Then you requested adjustments that would chop more weekends out of the schedule. Adjustments for a Special Saturday. I mean, just as with most “negotiations” in the past - once I adjust to your latest “issue” - you come up with a new hoop to jump through. Then, you agree to my proposed Summer but “don’t want to make it a part of an official order” because you want to see how the kids adjust? Rarely do your requests amount to much more than superficial delays and roadblocks. As I’ve said before, I will say again - it’s a matter of “control” for you. There is really is nothing more (of major concern) that needs to be ironed out. If you agree to this reasonable Summer/School schedule, it doesn’t leave a whole lot for you to hold over me now does it?

PEW:

The court order that we agreed to in front of the master is for every other weekend. That’s it, that’s all….that is the court order…..and it was “temporary” remember? I was trying to be nice by letting you try that situation out first. I didn’t have to agree to that.

LM:

The agreement in front of the Custody Master was for the remainder of the school year so as not to disrupt the school schedule. That’s what we agreed to. And no, you didn’t have to agree to it, but the end result of that decision would have been “no agreement” and the existing order would remain in force until we had a modification hearing.

PEW:

Again, I can’t wait to get in front of a judge this time. You are not going to get every other weekend and you’re not going to get the summer proposal. You’re not. No judge would give that to you when you’ve been so irresponsible and cavalier no matter what Gloria puts in her report.

LM:

Perhaps not, but one thing is for certain, I’ve neither been irresponsible nor cavalier on any of these matters. That’s simply another one of those things you tell yourself and others in order to convince yourself you are “the righteous one” through all of this. I’ve been exceedingly responsible, from providing financial support, providing emotional support and remaining in constant contact with the boys (when you actually answer the phone or have them call me back when you’re not available when I do call). Your problem is that you can’t dictate all of things that I do and I am not there to say “how high” when you say “jump.”

If you would just wake up someday and decide that you are no longer going to be angry and bitter about the past and come to agreement on what is very reasonable Summer and School schedule, the overwhelming majority of “issues” are gone. However, that will leave you nothing to argue about and cry “victim” over, and right now, you don’t appear ready to move on.

I suppose court will tell what the ultimate outcome will be. Just remember, should I end up not receiving the schedule I have requested - I hope that when you sit down in the aftermath you will find that your efforts were worth it. That using the kids to “get back” at me was worth it. And when you’re whining about how I am not there for the kids and can’t help you and don’t do things with them - it will be because you fought to make it that way. Though that won’t be your version of reality - it will be reality just the same. What a total tragedy that you can’t think of the kids and agree to let them spend primary time with me for 2 months out of a 12 month year because of your bitterness. You never have bridged the yawning chasm that is the gap between your contention that the boys need me in their lives more - and your efforts to prevent it. You couldn’t do it in the custody evaluations. You can’t do it during our discussions (via email or voice). Your argument that it “needs” to be with me living in [custody state] is self-serving and has nothing to do with the children.

Are you exhausted yet?

She’s already prepared to dismiss Gloria’s report if it doesn’t go in her favor.  I can tell you this… Gloria had her pegged in our sessions and was really concerned (details later), particularly about Psycho-SIL living there.

The only other comments I’ll make here was to note her comment about “having documentation” that would surprise me.  After 5-years, not one surprising document has been produced.  There aren’t any.  Not a single police report despite her telling people that there were.  Not a single bad review at any workplace.  No police record.  Nothing.  To this day, though, she still believes a great many things that simply don’t exist… including all of these “documents” that show how awful a person I am.

Part 4 looms… and you’ll watch me repeatedly beg her to just stop the madness. Of course, you know now that it’s 2009, fully 4-years after this exchange… and she hasn’t. And she won’t.