The Psycho Ex Wife

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On or about March 16th, 2006, I had gotten a phone call from PEW. S1 was misbehaving and back-talking PEW because she didn’t give him a taffy as a snack. He said some very rude things and, despite what most readers already realize regarding the abusive behavior of PEW’s entire family toward one another, the blame can only be laid at one person’s feet. If you guessed mine - well, give yourself a taffy.

What was most alarming about this crazy phone call (and subsequent crazy emails) was PEW’s suggestion regarding how to deal with the situation. She suggested that I take full custody of S1 and she would retain full custody of S2. More of the same “I can’t handle the kids” stuff. While we know that she would never follow-through on such a plan, that she dared suggest it, on the phone, and in front of the children - knocked me for a loop. PEW’s parenting plan is to bail-out when the going gets tough.  See:

1. PEW Can’t Stand to Be Around the Children
2. You Should Have Custody of Them
3. PEW Can’t Handle the Kids - Wants to Settle (Not)

Though I had long previous refused to do any regular discipline over the phone, on this occasion I did opt to speak at length with S1 regarding the entire situation and how unacceptable his back-talk to PEW was, particularly when he clearly realized he was completely wrong.

After the entire debacle concluded, I sent an email to PEW:

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Folks, this is a really long one.  If you think you’re going to try to do this all in one sitting, better wrap yourself in a Snuggie and have a nice, strong drink at the ready.

Go on, take your time… I’ll wait…

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(This is me, waiting…)

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We often fail to realize “things” when we’re right in the thick of it.  Thus, comes the beauty of hindsight.  You see, PEWs like mine never learn from the past and therefore are always doomed to repeat it.  I annoyingly speak of projection when it comes to PEW, but it simply cannot be helped.  One of the unfortunate by-products of my long layoff in 2007 and my long layoff last year is the dreaded trips to the courthouse for the waste-of-time conferences followed by the inevitable hearings.  Child support has to be adjusted one way or the other (and sometimes not) and this gives PEW the opportunity for PEW to recycle her old tricks, like her magical math that grossly over-inflates child care expenses and health care expenses and whatever else it is she can fabricate in an effort to maximize the child support number.  It’s especially nice for her when her fictional figures get rolled into the equation by the courts, because when she doesn’t actually incur those expenses, that’s cash-money directly into her pocket.

Dateline, early 2006. As discussed in general many times in the past, I had grown tired of being “ripped off” by PEW’s magical math.  I also had grown tired of “taking the (bullshit) high road” and simply sacrificing substantial credits due me when things were to be righted, just to avoid going to court.  While I wasn’t particularly smart and certainly not in low-contact mode, I was definitely trying to rattle the cage by calling her on her fuzzy math, even when it was just blowing smoke to expose her lies.

It was tax time and I was foolishly relying on PEW for some information I needed to do taxes.  I requested the tax ID numbers of the school, the church (for S2’s pre-k), and the babysitter she reportedly was paying $165/week to watch S2 for three half-days per week.  This was not good for either PEW or “Janice” because I was blustering about claiming my percentage of childcare costs that were part of the CS figure.

PEW wasn’t giving it, not only because she flat-out didn’t pay Janice what she had told the court, but Janice would also have to report the amount PEW told the court, every single week, as income… did I mention every single week for the school year?  Looks like this was a serious catch-22.  While ultimately I let it drop, her lies to compound her lies might make for great reading.  At the same time, you can have a chuckle about how ridiculous high-contact continued to make me look.  We’ll pick it up after the initial requests and back-and-forth…  I had called her on the figures she gave to the court and she replied:

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Anyone else have occasional problems regarding “unreimbursed medical expenses?”  I already know you probably do.  I’m not sure what chapter unreimbursed medical expenses is in the Divorcing a High-Conflict Spouse Manual.  I just know that it’s in yours.

This is the wrap-up of a story that actually started in the post Following a Path from Dentistry to Impotence and extended a little further in 2005 Thanksgiving & Christmas Planning Debacle, Part III and Part IV.  Overall, the unreimbursed medical expenses issue hasn’t actually been a big one in our history.  This circumstance was different because PEW used the incorrect insurance cards for the boys’ cleaning.  When it was repeatedly getting rejected, she had to pay out of pocket for the services and then expected me to repay her for the unreimbursed medical expenses “on demand.”  No surprise there.  Well, I couldn’t, but I did extend effort effort and courtesy to get the situation rectified with the actual dental insurance carrier.  An unfortunate clerical issue permitted this issue to drag on for months.  It started in October 2005, continued through December of 2005 (obviously) and didn’t conclude until almost February of 2006.

In the former post, I simply suggested that I would file the claim “long-hand”, submit the paperwork, and just send her the check when I got it.  For obvious reasons, they wouldn’t send a check to her.  My insurance.  My claim.  My check.  I had no problem giving her the money, but I certainly wasn’t going to pay the immediate price for her oversight.  She would have to wait.

In the latter post, by November 21st, 2005, she was asking me to call the insurance company and expedite payment directly to her.  In Part IV of that series, there is a little more where I explain that the insurance company had no record of her submitting the claim form I sent her, so nothing was done.  In light of this news, I had them email me a new one and took care of sending in the information myself.  This was interpreted by the PEW as me “sticking it to her.”  It doesn’t matter to such a self-centered freak that her failure to use the appropriate insurance cards led to the issue in the first place.  It also didn’t matter that she probably never sent in the claim form to have the matter rectified.  Yep, that’s me sticking it to her.

Just after Thanksgiving, 11/28/2005, comes this:

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In Part 3 of the Thanksgiving-Christmas headache, S2 had taken ill. This would lead to a bunch of tangential arguments and debates that were not uncommon from PEW.  Let’s conclude, shall we?

At the end of part 3, she brings up a reimbursement for dental expenses that she made into a complete disaster by not using the correct insurance cards I had given her. Then, she couldn’t get the claim situation straightened out. From there, she would badger me incessantly for the money back, too impatient to wait for me to get the reimbursement back and forward it to her. Entitlement. She screws up and I’m supposed to pay her back for her mistake immediately.

PEW,

I would love to be able to reimburse you, but unfortunately I am in no position to do that at this point. Worse… is I just called the insurance company and they have no record of receiving a claim form from you. They are emailing me one, but I imagine that I would need for you to send me all of the associated information. They said that the turnaround time on a faxed claim form is 7 business days. They won’t send it directly to you, they will send it to me, I can sign it and send it along to you. That’s the best I can do. OR… if you have a copy of the completed claim-form, the fax hotline is [fax number]. The could save at least a day.

~LM

Sounds like a good deal, right?

LM,

As far as the dentist, you are responsible for that $255.00. That’s ok though LM, anything to stick it to me. I’ll get it from you when we go to court…..that and my lost wages. I will fax the receipts tomorrow.

And No, the [Rocky's] cannot babysit for S2. I was looking for a family member.

~PEW

Oy-vey. That last comment was based on a suggestion to help her out of a jam she was in. She wanted the help but wanted to dictate who could do the covering for her. Unfortunately, my only available option was friends who didn’t believe her bullshit for one second and so they were painted black. (Many were in the aftermath of the split.)

I’m guessing she didn’t like that reply about the dentist, because what she did next without my knowledge completely defied explanation. In part 3, you’ll recall she described what the doctor said as “walking bronchitis” which she turned into pneumonia because the doctor wanted to spare her feelings. You know, because doctors do that. They tell you that a serious illness is something lesser so that the parent isn’t upset.

S2 was doing fine. The medication was working and he was well on his way back to health. Two days before Thanksgiving, she calls my oldest brother, the Thanksgiving dinner host, out of the blue and tells him that S2 has pneumonia. He immediately calls me with worry, not only for S2, but for every other guest that will be there, not the least of which is his daughter, my then 2-years old niece. His concern is legitimate based upon the information he was given. The unfortunate part was that the information he was given was totally exaggerated and he was wondering if I should be bringing an allegedly very ill child to Thanksgiving and putting everyone else at risk. I had to reassure him that everything was just fine and there was no reason for us to stay home.

Now, I can only think of one reason why PEW would pull such a stunt. That reason is to prevent us from spending Thanksgiving Day with our family. There was no other reason for her to make that call. No one in my family had heard from PEW in a long time at that point and they didn’t want to hear from her. But PEWs have a knack for rolling the grenade into the room and running.

When I find out, I’m understandably pissed.

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In Part 2 of the 2005 Christmas and Thanksgiving mess, things started to spiral out of control.  In today’s segment, the fallout will see a “double-reverse” and, as usual, we’ll make due with what we managed to obtain.

PEW,

I’m not “bargaining” with you, either. This is a simple matter of finding out if I can follow through with already arranged Thanksgiving plans without you using the children as pawns to prevent me from picking up S2.

Since you still cannot do that, I say again, I am left with no choice. I will no longer continue to knuckle-under under your threats. Sorry if that “breaks S1’s heart” - but I will explain to him that unfortunately, you and I were not able to work out the schedule.

Since I cannot plan for Thanksgiving holiday time nor Christmas week time, I will simply follow through on my usual weekend time because that’s the way you want it. That’s what’s really sad - your desire to be a ‘hard-ass’ again is what is ultimately breaking S1’s heart.

~LM

Of course I will continue to avoid bad-mouthing PEW to the children at all costs. It’s not good for them and it’s not good for me. Anytime any truths need to be shared, they should be shared carefully and in an age-appropriate way - a word of advice all normal parents should follow, even in situations such as these.

LM,

Why can’t you just come up here, stay and take him to the party? Or you leave them both here for the weekend and keep your Thanksgiving plans the way they were?? This is insane.

~PEW

Well, she got one thing right. It was certainly insane. One thing she never got through her thick head is her belief that I could just impose on other friends or family members to house me and the children whenever I asked. These are people with lives, children of their own (some very new additions), and plans of their own that weren’t going to be simply dropped whenever I wanted them to host me and the children for several days.

PEW,

1) Because I can’t afford a hotel room for the weekend.

2) Because you won’t keep a story straight on either my Thanksgiving weekend plans or what I have in mind for Christmas (either the morning of the 26th thru the 3rd or the morning of the 26th thru the 30th).

If you can commit to making sure I can keep my plans for Thanksgiving and let me spend Christmas week with them, I won’t risk losing any time with them.

It’s only “insane” because you’ve said “no” to both Thanksgiving and Christmas. And since I can’t count on you not to “revoke” your agreements once plans are set, I’d just as soon keep the schedule the way it is.

If something should change on the “housing front” for the forthcoming weekend, I would do it. If it doesn’t, I can’t. But you need to stop this “yes” and then “no” BS so that we can BOTH plan accordingly.

~LM

I couldn’t make it anymore clear. I also couldn’t understand that it wasn’t possible to make it clear because clarity isn’t a PEW strong suit. It’s always all about the engagement and nothing more.

In her next follow-up, she’d write, “You mean to tell me you can’t stay with…” …and she made a list of family and friends that I should be able to stay with, over the holidays, simply because I asked. Maybe this is also part of the borderline’s lofty sense of entitlement. Perhaps in her mind, no one else’s family plans during the holidays should take a back seat to her expectations of them.

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