The Psycho Ex Wife

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I just discovered that the money machine that is our family court system is operating at peak money-taking efficiency.  It was my mistake as I read the court order, which indicated that the matter was “generally continued and consolidated with the matter scheduled for conference on 6/24/2009.”  I interpreted that to mean that the hearing was continued until that date and the usual and customary post-conference hearing would take place when we couldn’t come to an agreement.  Tomorrow’s event is NOT a hearing, it is just a conference.  Who knows, maybe we’ll get the whole thing settled tomorrow and avoid a hearing altogether, right?  Anyone daring to hold their breath?

Separately, I had Psycho-SIL served to appear tomorrow.  Fortunately, it wasn’t wasted as a person can be subpoenaed to come for a child-support conference.  When the provider I use called me to confirm that he was successful, this is what he told me…

Gloating Server Guy: Mister-M, I just wanted to let you know that I served Aunt DUI and you can come pick up your receipt.

Mister-M: Great, thank you!

GSG: Yeah, when I drove up, she was sitting there on the porch smoking a cigarette.  I got out of my car and approached her and asked, “Excuse me, Psycho-SIL?”  She looked startled and without any provocation blurted out, “UHHHH, I DON’T LIVE HERE!  I’M JUST HERE TO LET OUT THE DOG!”

Mister-M: (laughs)

GSG: I told her that I don’t care why you’re here, this is a subpoena to attend and testify.  You’re served.  She asked me, “Oh?  When is it?”  I told her, “Tomorrow” and left to get in my car.  She said, “Oh, SHIT, you’re kidding me?!?!?!”  And I said, “No, ma’am.  Have a good evening.”

So, I told him when I would come pick up the receipt and it ended our conversation.  I hung up thinking to myself… do you know when you can just tell that a person takes particular pleasure at being the bearer of potentially bad news?  Gloating Server Guy sounded just like that as he described the encounter.

Continuing from the last update…

Yesterday, I had a consultation with D-Mac (my attorney) in preparation for our hearing on June 24th, 2009… tomorrow.  My last visit to her office on the 5th was to sign-up to the tune of $2,000 and $295/hour to handle this latest disaster.

Well, the news isn’t all that great, but not a total disaster, either.  There are about 10 different ways to approach this, but let me start by amending my suggestions from earlier posts and discussions…

If you have been laid off from your job, you should file for a downward modification at the earliest possible moment, EXCEPT… if you have unpaid vacation time or severance coming to you and you’re going to blow through that money in order to try and keep your head above water.  Wait until those funds have been exhausted or the weeks with which those funds are going to cover you have passed.  THEN file.

Allow me to explain why, if it already isn’t patently obvious.

After much haggling and negotiation with my ex-employer, I received, in addition to my 3-weeks unused vacation time, a 10-week severance.  As I was collecting unemployment during that time period, I was technically “making more money” than when I was employed for that period of 13-weeks.  The fact that I filed for a downward modification right away will now bite us in the ass a little bit.  Since the modification is retroactive to the date I filed, PEW will almost definitely be entitled to an UPWARD modification for that period.  Since we had deviated from the guideline, that means probably double what I was paying and I will owe her an additional $1500 retroactively before any child support will come from her to me.

This is where I get extremely frustrated with the system.  Nevermind the financial problems that we’re trying to manage as a result of this unexpected layoff.  Nevermind that the children are not going to “do without” anything while they are with PEW, who is gainfully employed and make a nice wage.  Nevermind that we’re struggling to keep everything afloat as a result of the layoff and the abysmal job prospect situation.

The guideline says this, so your situation, no matter how negatively following it will impact your children, DW and her children, and will further set us back… no matter that this money is desperately needed on our side of the equation… the long and short of it is - PEW is “entitled to it.”

So, make sure when you move to file for your downward modification… make sure you do it after the number of weeks for which you have been paid on your way out the door has passed.

Had I simply waited until after those 13-weeks had passed, this situation would be far less complicated.  The bottom line is this, there will very likely be an upward modification which would extend through those 13-weeks.  Then, the situation will reverse.  That’s pretty much how it should go down tomorrow and the only outstanding issues will very likely be her allegations of my “hidden stash” and/or “hidden income source” and my trying to get a real figure with regard to Psycho-SIL’s rent.

I’m also disheartened that yesterday’s consult and tomorrow’s hearing will likely burn through the entire $2,000 I paid D-Mac to handle this matter for me… another $2,000 that would better be spent on the household and for survival.  What I should have done was withdrawn the petitions way back when.  The problem with that is, I didn’t think that the severance was really going to come through (it didn’t… until May).  Reason?  During my last layoff in 2007, the company for whom I worked promised 3 months of severance and 3 months of continuing health insurance provided I stayed with the company through their relocation across the country and helped them with the transition.  Once that was all done, I was summarily dismissed with no severance and no health insurance.

—–

The other, unrelated matter, we discussed was the situation with Aunt DUI (Psycho-SIL) living at the house with PEW and the children.  I learned that I would be unable to obtain a protective order for the children as I cannot impose on the other parent (via Restraining Order) who can live with her or otherwise interact with her.  That matter can only be handled by petitioning for a change of custody.  Our discussion was rather simple…

Mister-M: Okay, so I’ll file for full custody as a result of Psycho-SIL’s drunken, criminal behavior.  Then, PEW will have her move out and I won’t get full custody.  Isn’t that the way it will work?

D-Mac: Yes, it is.

Mister-M: That’s what I figured.  Okay, then… however I can still follow through on a custody modification that would prohibit PEW from leaving the children with Psycho-SIL, allowing her to babysit the children, allowing her to be the driver when the children are in any vehicle… correct??

D-Mac: Yes you can.  A petition for modification of custody is your only recourse in this situation if you want her out of the house and to protect the children in some way.

Mister-M: Okay, we’ll deal with that later.

D-Mac: I would suggest that you give PEW a deadline to have Psycho-SIL out of the house and then file.

Mister-M: Very good.

So, I’m tired, a little aggravated, a lot anxious.  We’ll see what unfolds tomorrow.

On the job front, nothing new to report.  Despite nearly 100 resume submissions and hundreds of total “contacts” - 2 phone calls.  1 interview.  Other than that… *crickets*

Today, I re-upped with my attorney.  A painful experience financially.  As it’s been more than 2-years now since I’ve needed her for anything other than in an advisory capacity… the retainer went up (to $2,000) as did her hourly rate (from $225/hour to $295/hour).  Ugh.  The road just got a bit rockier.  That’s $2,000 that is desperately needed on the home front.

Also, D-Mac isn’t available for the continued date 3 weeks from now, so it will likely be continued again, not that it matters anymore.

Unfortunately, this is our only option.   Had I gotten stuck with what happened at the last conference/hearing, the costs would have been much more than this retainer.  The worst-case outcome is something we don’t really want to think about.  And I still shake my head that this is all about her latest, fruitless effort to uncover my fictional hidden income.  I’m figuring her attorney already cost her $2,000, what with all of the subpoenas, motions, and the 5-hours (or more) from the original hearing.  Again, all for a situation that is (we hope and pray) - temporary to the short side of time.

One evening late last week, my phone rang.  I was surprised to see my tax preparer’s name pop up on my display.  My taxes are done.  Refunds paid.  Pretty straightforward, single W-2 easy squeezy tax return year.

I came to know of “Pete” the tax preparer through a friend.  Pete is somewhere on the top side of 70 and he is a retired accountant and tax preparer.  One of the nicest, most pleasant men you would ever want to meet.  As sharp as anyone I know.  He and his wife are great people.  He is also extremely informative and helpful when it comes to taxes and tax prep.

I answer the phone pleasantly enough only to be greeted with what was a mild panic attack on the part of Pete.  It seems he was on vacation for the prior couple of weeks with his wife.  He returned to find a DHL Express Letter at his door-step.  Inside, a subpoena to appear and testify at the hearing which had already passed a week earlier.  Poor guy.

He was upset and thought he might be in trouble for not appearing, repeatedly explaining he was on vacation.  I managed to calm him down by explaining that the matter was continued until a later date and that he would be in no trouble.  (I’m guessing he had never been subpoenaed before.)

He asked the obvious questions and his panic turned quickly to irritation.  Why was he needed?  What the hell information could he provide?  I asked to speak frankly and he gave me the green light.  So, I replied, “Quite simply, Pete, my ex-wife is a crazy bitch and I’m very sorry that you’ve been bothered with my personal mess.  She thinks I have some hidden income and I guess her and her attorney believe that you are privy to such information despite being provided a W-2 and a copy of my tax return.” He agreed that he has nothing to testify about that isn’t on the tax return and was going to call PEW’s attorney and tell her so.

After some idle chit-chat, we hung up.  I hope he is still my tax preparer when I call him again next year.  I haven’t heard from the friend from whom I got the referral and I’ll just hope that word doesn’t get back to her.  I’m sure that this guy doesn’t need this kind of stress.

The collateral damage a PEW can cause is limitless.  She has twice failed in her attempts to prove to the court that I have “hidden income.”  That’s because I don’t have any hidden income.  My bank accounts and debt load is a testament to that reality.  It does still astound me the expense she will incur to embark on this journey a third time given her financial predicament.  What’s really astounding is that her scumbag attorney, Bulldog, will extract fees from PEW rather than tell her, “PEW, it’s very likely that this layoff situation is a temporary predicament.  This isn’t going to cost you a whole lot of money to do this by the book, after all, your children are entitled to your financial assistance in these troubled times.” Okay, I can actually hear some of you laughing at that last part.  Trust me, though, there are some good attorneys out there who would give you the straight scoop on where you stand.  I have one of them.  I wonder how long it will be before this one bails on her client?

Leave it to PEW to think a life-long accountant and tax-preparer would risk fraud and the wrath of the IRS for doing a $200 basic tax return.

I wanted to add some random details, observations, and interactions from yesterday’s conference and hearing experience.

The 2008 Tax Filing

Bulldog, PEW’s counsel, was overtly combative.  While I’m certain that it’s perhaps just part of her general nature, I’m also fairly safe in assuming that it’s combined with the stories PEW has told her.  She was indignant about having a “full copy” of my 2008 Tax Filing, which I came prepared to offer.  Of course, it matched my W-2.  There was no other income.  There simply wasn’t.  Bulldog wanted a copy and held my original on her side of the table in front of her after reviewing it…

Mister-M: (reaching across the table) “I would like to have my original tax filing back, thank you.”

Bulldog: (putting her hand over it) “No!  I’m going to need a copy of it and the conference officer can make us a copy.”

Mister-M: “I understand that.  I just wouldn’t want to see it get misplaced and I end up leaving without it, I’ll take that now, thank you.”

Bulldog: (picking it up and placing it at the end of the table between us and the conference officer) “No, we’ll just leave it here at the end of the table so that Gertrude can make us a copy of it.”

Mister-M: Picks it up from the end of the table without comment and places it back in his folder.

As I always do when I prepare for court, I had 4 copies of everything.  Bulldog seemed surprised that when she would ask for a copy of something, I’d simply slide it from my folder and offer her one.  The only thing I didn’t bring copies of was the 2008 Tax Filing.  At the end of the session, I pulled the Tax Filing from my folder and said to Gertrude, “Ms. Gertrude, would you kindly make a copy of this for Bulldog?  Thank you.” Gertrude made the copy, redacted all of the critical financial identifiers, and gave her a copy.

The Hidden Income Discussion

When it became clear that there was no documentation of any hidden income on my part and while Bulldog was dictating what numbers Gertrude should be putting into the system, I piped up…

Mister-M: “It would appear that you forgot to also include the rental income that PEW gets from her sister, Psycho-SIL.”

Bulldog: (stammers a touch) “Well, it isn’t much, but we have no problem including that, I… I just don’t think it’s going to make much of a difference.  She’s only contributed $2,350 dollars in payments since September 1st, 2008.  But, you know, much of that goes for food, and electric, and other utilities and things like that.”

As if any of the additional details matter.

Mister-M: (directed at PEW) “So, you’re claiming that PP has only paid you approximately $275/month in rent since she’s stayed with you?”

Bulldog: “Well, Psycho-SIL is moving out on June 1st and she’s been saving her money to get her own place and that’s how PEW has been helping her out.”

That’s what some scumbag attorneys are for… running bullshit interference on behalf of their client.  I thought bullshit-proof boots were enough.  Obviously, I should have brought waders.

Bulldog: “How much is your mortgage payment?”

Mister-M: “[A lot more than that]“

Bulldog: “Well then, we should also factor DW’s half of the mortgage payment as rental income for you!”

Mister-M: (openly laughs) “Uh, absolutely not and you know it, Bulldog.  DW hold title to that real estate and has a financial interest in it.  What she pays is not rental income and is a far cry from the situation between PEW and Psycho-SIL.”

Bulldog: (Silence).

Now… with my attorney back on board, I don’t expect the same result in calculations, obviously.  Further, the subpoenas will all be done properly, so we’re going to find out just how long Psycho-SIL has lived there.  It was longer than 7 months ago.  I hate that this is going to come at considerable expense, but the consequences of not doing this the proper way and with appropriate legal counsel (in the face of a 20-years experienced family law attorney) is significant.  I have no choice.  I don’t.

Idle Chit-Chat with HR Manager by PEW

As our time approached, we were the only ones in the waiting area.  And with that fake, typically sickeningly-sweet voice, she asked HRManager (who has never met PEW) incessant questions about nearly every single person who ever worked at the last place of employment.  PEW hasn’t worked there in over 10-years.  Very few people there liked her when her time to leave ended.  I felt bad for HRManager, who at one point, rolled her eyes at me.  Why?  It wasn’t chit-chat between friends, it was practically an interrogation.  Of course, HRManager felt obligated to answer every single question she posed.

She even asked in a nice way about people who openly dislike her, people who remain close friends of mine.  If I wasn’t scared shitless about what might happen at the hearing, I probably would have laughed.  Even people who were friends with her during her employ there got sick of her crap and haven’t spoken to her in a decade, yet… here she is asking questions of HRManager as if she’s close to these people.

The Phone Call

I wasn’t 10-minutes out of the proceeding when my phone rings.  Caller ID: PEW.  Message…

It’s PEW, Give me a call.  I figured we could talk and we can avoid the whole thing… this whole continuance in June or, uhhh… whatever hearings are coming down the road.  So, bye bye.

Yes, because negotiating with a terrorist has ever worked before.  She’s like a broken record.  Also, notice the language.  She’s tipped her hand.  “Whatever hearings are coming down the road…” That’s PEW-speak for “I’m filing for custody of the children.”

The Email

And arriving right on time, not 5-minutes before this is actually about to be posted, comes the email…

LM, I think you should give me a call to see if we can work this out.  I don’t want to be tied up in court again and I’m thinking you don’t either.  The recommendations of my attorney are for an increase in support and modification of custody and I’m torn about what I should do.  Call me.

The Psycho Ex-Wife is now on attorney #3.  My fantasy reply to her would be something along the lines of: “You’ve gotten bad advice from attorney’s before and when they find out the truth about you, they’re gone… ain’t nothing I can say that will stop you from doing it again.  Dumbass.  Everybody will lose… again!”

*IGNORE*

And that’s the truth of the matter.  Another attorney is whispering promises in her ear that she cannot possibly come through with, and I’m sure that we’re going to be looking at another round of custody hearings.  On what grounds?  That I lost a great job in an abysmal economy?  Oh, joy.