The Psycho Ex Wife

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My family often marvels about how much time I have to spend in court and doing court-related activities like conferences, evaluations, etc.  I often marvel, too.  One of my family members surmised that the amount of litigation that the psycho ex-wife puts us through is a new disease.  Thusly, he coined the name of the new disease as:

LITIGITOSIS

I still laugh at the way the word sounds as it rolls off of the tongue.  Litigitiosis.  Essentially, litigitosis is a disease of excessive frivolous and vexatious litigation.  PEW has severe litigitosis.  At this time, there is no cure and we’re not sure that there will ever be one because the Family Court players pay a lot of money to the pharmaceutical companies to not research and develop medication for this disease.  There is too much money to be made from excessive frivolous and vexatious litigation and personality disorders are the engine that powers the money making machine.

PEW would project, errr… I mean have other people believe, through her innate ability to spin a yarn, that I am the excessive litigant.  Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, that’s simply not true.

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Well, it’s been a month from hell and it’s time to start dealing with more adversity and unnecessary litigation and associated crapola that comes with it.  There is bad news and there is also… bad news.  We continue to be thrown challenges from everywhere, and with a lot of hard work - we shall overcome these, too.

The Job

I’m very sad to report that the new job which I started at the beginning of the year is no more.  I was laid-off from a job that was fun, exciting, rewarding, and one about which I had much hope for growth.  This economy is kicking everyone’s ass and mine is no exception.  I’m tired of the boot prints on my rear-end.  This, much the same as the others, was a result of business conditions.  They loved my work.  I broke my ass to impress and impress I did.  Due to some technical snafus which prevented the business growth they had planned for in the beginning of the year combined with me being the lowest man on the proverbial totem-pole meant I would be part of the 25% cut from the workforce.  I left with a great recommendation and much praise for my work, but not much else.  Complicating matters is that due to the length of my layoff last year, I am ineligible for unemployment compensation, rendering my income to exactly $0.  While I have appealed the decision, I’m not hopeful that I will come out on top of this one.  So, it’s back to the work, the very hard work, of finding work.

Child Custody

PEW has sued me for full custody of the children again.  This is the child custody situation to end all child custody situations.  Frankly, I wish the judge would have said, “No, you two have been through no fewer than three custody evaluations and I am not going to entertain any more of your bullshit.” Suffices to say that this child custody petition may be the worst in terms of frivolousness than the many which have passed before it.  Due to pending litigation, I will refrain from sharing the details of her mindlessness.  A hearing which was to take place on Tuesday, June 1st, was averted because a custody evaluation was requested, agreed to, and granted.  Yes, it will be the county-run  custody evaluation program, rife with all of its faults and my usual doubts rooted in experience.  Yes, it will be the FOURTH custody evaluation in SIX years.  The bottom line is that PEW has sued for custody of the children because she is angry and full of rage.  Beyond that, she simply has no grounds for pulling this latest stunt that will again prove to be quite costly and add monumental stress to already stressed-out children.

Child Support

Also seemingly never-ending, is the madness that has been trying to get an appropriate child support modification which, at the time of my refiling so that I could prove something that doesn’t exist (answer PEW’s completely unsupported challenge that I have hidden income) - would ultimately be based upon my new income for a fair and appropriate child support figure.  After the filing, obviously I was laid off again, which became yet another significant change in circumstances warranting consideration for a change in child support.  The hearing scheduled for Friday, June 4th, was averted when we agreed to simply suspend the child support since I have NO income now.

So, as you can see, we’ve been dealing with a lot for the last month which accounts for the slow trickle of blog posts.  Frankly, I didn’t have the energy to do it with all of the circus-crazy-madness that has been swirling around our lives.  The level of new research, printing, organizing, and preparing for not one, but two hearings was taking far too much time away from everything.

In any event, the PEW is escalating like a rabid dog.  The insults, vulgarity, put-downs and rage are flying.  All we can do is shake our heads and pray for the day when she’ll wise the hell up and stop the crazy train and thoughtless, baseless, and completely unnecessary litigation that will, some day, circle around and kick her so hard in the ass that she’ll need plastic surgery to get it off of her shoulder and back down where it belongs.

Please send your positive vibes our way and keep us in your thoughts if you would be so kind.

I’ve made reference to this incident several times in related blog posts.  This one will lay out our direct discussion about the events of the hearing on June 30th, 2006.  On that fateful day, I made a huge mistake that has not been repeated since.  I had the kids for a couple of weeks and PEW had asked me specifically if she could see the boys the day of the hearing at the courthouse.  It made sense (on the surface) because my mother would be taking care of all 4 kids during the day and she could just meet us there as a few of her plans were to be done in the vicinity of the courthouse or visiting some old friends who worked nearby.

The usual points of interest are here… her contradictions, her fabrications, her condemnation of something that she had previously done (and the children actually did spend the entire day at the courthouse)… but worse, was her deliberate attempt to engage my mother in a confrontation in a crowded courthouse lobby.  This was particularly sad because my mother is a “stay out of it” person when it comes to my drama, primarily at my stern request.  Rather than be dismissive and more importantly, because she truly cared and wished to convey her sympathies - it was her inquiry about PEW’s grandmother’s recent death that prompted PEW to act out like the impulsive mental child that she is.

Preceding the hearing and still trying to parlay my settling at the child support conference into a possible settlement on the child custody issue - I get this email the day before the hearing…

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It’s hard for me to convey just how exasperating it is when something that should be so simple can be blown up for the most specious of reasons.  It’s hard for me to justify on behalf of the court why things cannot simply be kept simple.

Here’s a summary of what should have happened and what actually did happen.

The Facts as We Know Them:

PEW and I now make fairly close to the same income.  The disparity is so slight that the income “equalizes” at approximately $130.00, which is how much money I have to pay in order for both households to have the same income, which is what sometimes happens when the custody arrangement is 50/50.  Due to this reality, the burden for all of the other necessary expenses (childcare and healthcare) are shared equally.

There is no disputing this.

Regarding childcare for the school year, now that I have an actual total for the actual costs for the school year from the provider, we are in agreement that the figure is what I presented to the court.

There is no disputing this.

Regarding health insurance for the children, we disagree on which health insurance should cover the children.  However, we are in agreement as to the costs associated with the state’s health insurance plan and my employment health insurance plan.  I know that the plan offered by the job is far superior to the plan offered by the state, not that the state plan isn’t wonderful when you have no other opportunities to obtain insurance at reasonable cost.

While we disagree on the cost/benefit associated with each plan, there is no disputing the costs for one or the other.

That’s all that needs to be considered.  Armed with this information, here are what should have been the possible outcomes:

OPTION 1: This was what I intended to request of the court for reasons that will be summarized after…

1. $130.00 dollars flows from me to PEW due to the income difference.
2. I am given responsibility for paying the childcare provider.  Half of the cost flows from PEW to me.
3. I cover the children with my excellent work plan.  Half of the cost flows from PEW to me.

With Item 1, there is no issue.  With item 2, the issue is that she has been in arrears for fully 2 years, sometimes quite substantially - we’re talking many months behind.  I believe I can keep current with the provider and eliminate any risks that childcare will no longer be offered because PEW won’t pay.  With Item 3, it’s a simple dispute.  My plan offers superior coverage, but comes at a cost that is approximately $200/month more than the state plan.  The end result is that PEW would pay me some form of “child support” in the form of her half of the costs of the childcare and health insurance less the amount above for the difference in income.  For the sake of round figures, that amount would be approximately $125/month.

Pretty sound reasoning.  If the court disagreed with my reasoning, then…

OPTION 2:

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Child support modifications.

Whether you have to pay more or pay less, few things are as frustrating as the dog-and-pony show that is going through a child support modification with a psycho ex.  My psycho ex-wife is no different.  When you’re high-conflict and your psycho ex-wife is money-focused and can’t function without it, not that they could really financially function all that well with it, the child support modification becomes a long, drawn-out process.  I really believe the courts should have a streamlined option.  The streamlined option would be one where they show which party wanted to go to hearing how many times and just skip straight to the hearing.  Stop with the “child support conferences” which only prolong the agony.  We know we’re going to a hearing.

Our last update on this issue came way back in August of 2009: Job Loss/Child Support Update 8/7/09 - Hearing Loss. While it was more a hearing “concede” than it was a loss, I was spending $2,000 either way… testifying or in the child support, assuming I could find a job sooner rather than later. To this day, there is no question in my mind that “averaging” my income is a misapplication of the statute regarding imputed income. However, judges and their boundless “discretion” really can do whatever they want. I simply wasn’t going to participate in a hearing in order to give me an appeal opportunity that I couldn’t afford to see through.  That’s why so many of these child support modifications are wars of financial attrition.  The cost-benefit associated with fighting for what is truly right - fails.  Last year, too much money I didn’t have was spent to have the end result be - keep paying the same.  Of course, this was my fault as I didn’t handle the situation properly, but that’s water under the bridge.

A chance meeting at an internet cafe yielded me an exciting new job with wonderful new people and opportunities.  This job takes advantage of long dormant skills and has me working on projects that are not only interesting to cover, but fun to cover, too.  Though it came with a downgrade in income compared to the arrangement I had at the previous job, in this economy one doesn’t refuse a job when offered.  I’m more excited for this job opportunity than I’ve been about any other in my adult life.  Of course, this means an adjustment to child support.  It should mean a downward modification based upon the state guidelines, but that, as always, remains to be seen.

So, job started January 4th.  I filed for the modification on January 4th.  The child support modification “conference” was scheduled for January 29th.  Situations like this is akin to watching the movie Titanic over and over and over again.  You know the ship is going to strike the iceberg and most on board will die - but there isn’t anything you’re going to do to stop it from happening again.

I found out before the holiday and shared the news with the children who, in turn, let PEW know.  This prompted an email:

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