The Psycho Ex Wife

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The conclusion of this story wraps up what was started in Orthodontist Braces Update - 2009 Edition.  Not unlike so many of our other issues, this one is protracted.  So, the related events in 2009 pre-dated my 2010 job.  That employment started us on the path to getting S1’s braces taken care of and yet… more bizarre circumstances will occur…

In December, when the final details were hashed out, PEW knew I had gotten a job.  Now, keeping in mind that she was having financial issues of her own, the braces battle had gone into remission.  My new job would change all that.  I had barely gotten through introductions at my new place of employment when I got an email, my first day on the job…

LM,

Waiting to hear on the braces? If I don’t hear back by friday, I’m going to take off one day next week to file the paperwork for a court order. This can’t wait any longer.

~PEW

Are you kidding me? Waiting to hear “back” on the braces? Her last communication, aside from the “fuck you fest” was that she wasn’t pursuing the braces and she couldn’t afford it. Now, she’s “waiting” to hear back from me? Whatever story works on any given day.

I suggested waiting to find out what kind of insurance coverage I would be getting. I suggest this in the interests of not only saving myself money, but saving her money, too. The company is in the process of reworking their insurance and also trying to get it to me ahead of schedule. Worst-case scenario is waiting until April 1st, 2010. We go dormant on this issue (because there were others) again until February 3rd…

LM,

Did you find out if your new insurance has any coverage for orthodontics? we need to get this taken care of

~PEW

I reply with the update…

PEW,

I should know next month what the status of dental insurance will be. Whether it becomes available or not, we should be able to proceed. The company is in the process of securing a dental plan and they “should know” by March 1. If they don’t, they don’t.

~LM

Either way, we were going to move ahead anyway. Most orthos offer fairly decent payment plans for their fairly expensive procedures and I was working again.

LM,

we’re not waiting another month for something that is just a “possibility”. I was told to shop the price around because [Ortho1] said $5k and [Ortho2] said $7k and some people in work are saying that’s way too much. I’ll let you know what I find out.

~PEW

Remind me to someday thank PEW for letting me know who the mystery orthodontist was. I was able to call and confirm that he had seen S1 and his conclusions were the same as [Ortho1], however he said it really wasn’t a formal consultation. I would ultimately schedule one with [Ortho2].

More of PEW’s genius at work. Again, this wasn’t an emergency. If dental insurance was on the docket, the savings would probably start at $1,000 and end up maybe being more. Given the fact that she has been a financial mess (while being gainfully employed, collecting rent from her sister, and collecting child support), let this be an example of PEW’s financial acumen.

Nevermind that we’re absolutely going to wait because there isn’t much else she can do about it.

PEW,

Yes, we are.

I heard [Ortho1's] $5K price is about the norm from a dentist who highly recommended both him and [Ortho2]. If you find something better, let me know and I’ll run the name past him, too.

I’m very happy with using [Ortho1].

~LM

Drumroll please…
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You’ll recall that there has been much discussion about high-conflict ex-spouses using “braces” (orthodontia, of all things) as a tool to put additional financial pressure on the struggling normal ex-spouse.  Well, it’s time to bring you up to speed on S1’s braces issue - we’re under way!  I haven’t done an update since last August when I posted: The Orthodontist War Heats Up.

In an email where we had to discuss childcare arrangements because summer camp had been completed with a few weeks left to go, she wrote to me:

By the way all of the appointments with the Orthodontist are cancelled including tues. I will take care of that issue.

Yes, she went ahead and made the first 3 appointments unilaterally.  Fortunately, by that time, I had called and explained the situation and the orthodontist’s office understood.  They were to call me when ANYTHING changed regarding the children - and so far they have.

Interestingly, they had called me on Monday, 8/24/2009 to remind me about the appointment PEW had scheduled for the 25th.  Imagine their surprise when I told them that PEW emailed me the previous day to tell me she had already canceled the appointments.  She hadn’t.  I think it validated the “difficulties” I had carefully described regarding the situation.  So, I intended to show up for the “re-consult” that was scheduled for PEW (primarily), which also confirms that she has been blathering on about stuff about which she has no clue regarding dentistry, orthodontia, and how it pertains to S1.

On the morning of 8/25/2009, I got a call from them again.  PEW called and canceled all appointments.  They asked me if I wanted to meet with them anyway.  I said, “Yes, I do.” I went to the appointment and the first thing I did was apologize profusely to the office staff who have been dealing with this latest “crisis,” and at the same time, thanked them for their understanding and for calling me when something changed.  I then handed them a letter I drafted and signed that, in effect informed them of the joint-legal custody and joint-decision-making requirements of our custody agreement.  It further instructed them that due to the elective nature of the procedure and my current unemployment situation, no work was authorized without my prior written consent.  You see, back in the late spring or early summer, I floated the idea of moving ahead if PEW was willing to pay for things while I was seeking employment.  She said she would think about it.  Subsequent to that, she said “no.”  I had anticipated being able to find a job before she had paid for half, and even if I didn’t, it was on me to pay for the second half anyway.  How we paid for half didn’t really matter as we were both responsible.  There were a number of ways to arrange things so that we could move ahead sooner rather than later, otherwise, we would have to wait for me to get a job.

Anyway, they understood, accepted it, and filed in S1’s folder right before my eyes.  They added what they said at the initial consultation - “Mister-M, the bottom line is this, no one ever died from having crooked teeth.  When you’re in a better position to take care of this, just know we’ll be ready.  He has time.” Thank you.  My guess - she found another orthodontist to do the work, probably has scheduled appointments and will attempt to do an end-run on me.

Now, bringing things up to speed a little bit more quickly.  While not entirely low-contact, it was an important matter pertaining to the children which required dialogue.  I would love to have gotten S1 started last year.  Had I been working, this would have been a non-issue.

LM,

I’m making an appt today for S1 to get his first round of spacers. I will then submit the bill to [child support enforcement] for your half. You’re too much.

~PEW

I reply:

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Well, it’s been a month from hell and it’s time to start dealing with more adversity and unnecessary litigation and associated crapola that comes with it.  There is bad news and there is also… bad news.  We continue to be thrown challenges from everywhere, and with a lot of hard work - we shall overcome these, too.

The Job

I’m very sad to report that the new job which I started at the beginning of the year is no more.  I was laid-off from a job that was fun, exciting, rewarding, and one about which I had much hope for growth.  This economy is kicking everyone’s ass and mine is no exception.  I’m tired of the boot prints on my rear-end.  This, much the same as the others, was a result of business conditions.  They loved my work.  I broke my ass to impress and impress I did.  Due to some technical snafus which prevented the business growth they had planned for in the beginning of the year combined with me being the lowest man on the proverbial totem-pole meant I would be part of the 25% cut from the workforce.  I left with a great recommendation and much praise for my work, but not much else.  Complicating matters is that due to the length of my layoff last year, I am ineligible for unemployment compensation, rendering my income to exactly $0.  While I have appealed the decision, I’m not hopeful that I will come out on top of this one.  So, it’s back to the work, the very hard work, of finding work.

Child Custody

PEW has sued me for full custody of the children again.  This is the child custody situation to end all child custody situations.  Frankly, I wish the judge would have said, “No, you two have been through no fewer than three custody evaluations and I am not going to entertain any more of your bullshit.” Suffices to say that this child custody petition may be the worst in terms of frivolousness than the many which have passed before it.  Due to pending litigation, I will refrain from sharing the details of her mindlessness.  A hearing which was to take place on Tuesday, June 1st, was averted because a custody evaluation was requested, agreed to, and granted.  Yes, it will be the county-run  custody evaluation program, rife with all of its faults and my usual doubts rooted in experience.  Yes, it will be the FOURTH custody evaluation in SIX years.  The bottom line is that PEW has sued for custody of the children because she is angry and full of rage.  Beyond that, she simply has no grounds for pulling this latest stunt that will again prove to be quite costly and add monumental stress to already stressed-out children.

Child Support

Also seemingly never-ending, is the madness that has been trying to get an appropriate child support modification which, at the time of my refiling so that I could prove something that doesn’t exist (answer PEW’s completely unsupported challenge that I have hidden income) - would ultimately be based upon my new income for a fair and appropriate child support figure.  After the filing, obviously I was laid off again, which became yet another significant change in circumstances warranting consideration for a change in child support.  The hearing scheduled for Friday, June 4th, was averted when we agreed to simply suspend the child support since I have NO income now.

So, as you can see, we’ve been dealing with a lot for the last month which accounts for the slow trickle of blog posts.  Frankly, I didn’t have the energy to do it with all of the circus-crazy-madness that has been swirling around our lives.  The level of new research, printing, organizing, and preparing for not one, but two hearings was taking far too much time away from everything.

In any event, the PEW is escalating like a rabid dog.  The insults, vulgarity, put-downs and rage are flying.  All we can do is shake our heads and pray for the day when she’ll wise the hell up and stop the crazy train and thoughtless, baseless, and completely unnecessary litigation that will, some day, circle around and kick her so hard in the ass that she’ll need plastic surgery to get it off of her shoulder and back down where it belongs.

Please send your positive vibes our way and keep us in your thoughts if you would be so kind.

The thrilling conclusion continuing from Part I on the childcare situation that was part of the 2007 contempt of court matter…  we continue to trade emails and accomplish absolutely nothing, as we were prone to do in the high-contact days of 2006…

LM,

Please call Neighbor at 1-XXX-GUNSFORKIDS She is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known….or even better maybe you could sit down with her on friday for a little bit and discuss whatever concerns are bothering you……PLEASE

~PEW

Uhhhh, no.

PEW,

I’m not going to continue to do this contentious dance with you.

You can’t stick to any agreement nor order. That much is clear. We had an agreement that is in accordance with the orders, and you have violated that and are immediately being uncooperative in putting things back the way they were.

So, I will contact [attorney] accordingly about your refusal to put S2 back into the agreed-upon childcare facility of YOUR choosing - AUCF, and do what is necessary to make that happen.

~LM

Oh, yes I am gonna continue this dance! I’m a rockhead!

LM,

I am agreeing to look at alternatives. If you want to make it happen quicker then you’ll have to make some phone calls. I did not “choose” AUCF….how was I supposed to know, having never driven there in rush hour traffic that it would take me almost a half hour to get there and a half hour from there to work? I just assumed if it was set up by the district it must be logistically feasible….BUT IT ISN’T…..they even agreed with me when I called the district about how ridiculous it is that there is only ONE location for AM CARES.

Let me know what alternatives you come up with. I am not obligated by the court order to immediately take him back to AUCF. It says “or agreed upon license day care facility”. Find one that we can agree on. I don’t have time to make a million phone calls…..

~PEW

She keeps saying this despite the fact that it was working perfectly fine right up until the time she found a way to shave the overall costs of childcare that was rolled into the child support order by placing S2 with Neighbor. Talk about transparent.  The next one shocks me…

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And so it continued, in 2006, it was one mad email exchange between two knuckleheads after another.  The court re-affirmed that the children were to be put in the agreed-upon childcare facility after PEW pulled them out the first week of the school year and placed them with her neighbor.  This, of course, occurred after a child support order was put in place that accounted for the costs of the agreed-upon child care facility - a figure she would later claim (falsely) she was paying the neighbor to watch S2.  The ink wasn’t even dry on the order and she informed me that she was filing a “motion for reconsideration” on the childcare issue.  This was the week following the hearing.  Soon thereafter, she classically flip-flopped and, of course, I would go right along for the latest email rollercoaster ride…

LM,

I’m not filing a petition for reconsideration, because I can’t afford it. But here is what I am going to do. I am going to list out for you all the reasons why Neighbor’s is best and why going to [Agreed-Upon Childcare Facility (AUCF) is NOT:

Going to Neighbor's:
1. S2 loves going there.
2. He can take a nap in the morning if he's still tired.
3. Neighbor's son is our son's best friend and they play together all morning. They get along great.
4. Neighbor takes him to the bus stop, right outside of her house.
5. Neighbor gives him individual attention and affection that he would not be getting at AUCF.
6. He now loves kindergarten, whereas before going to Neighbor's he was crying everyday when I dropped him off and everyday when I picked him up. (ask S1, it was horrible)
7. He gets to eat a "hot lunch" at Neighbor's at least twice a week, instead of the usual cold sandwich.
8. It's only for 7 more months.

Going AUCF:
1. He would have to get dropped off earlier, making his day a 10 hour day instead of the current arrangement of 5 hrs. (stressful for a five year old)
2. He cried everyday and was extremely tired every night.
3. S1 would have to be enrolled in before care because he wouldn't be able to take the bus at 8:20 due to the fact that S2 would need to be dropped off at 8 so that I could be in work on time.
4. Additional costs due to "before care" for both kids.
5. I would have to wake both of the kids up ealier in order to get out of the house on time.

Be reasonable LM....put aside your absolute hatred of me for one second and consider making a gesture of goodwill here towards your sons.

~PEW

"Be reasonable, LM" = Do what I say now that I've unilaterally changed things for the millionth time. Not acquiescing to my demands = being unreasonable. Only in the mind of a PEW... followed by...

LM,

I've been thinking more about this. If your intent is to file contempt charges against me, then I'll look into putting S1 in a licensed facility in [Mytown]….Not AUFC though because the distance is just not feasible. The order says something like “agreed upon” licensed facility, right?…..so I’ll look into a few and get back to you with some names and we can decide which one you want him to go to. That’s the option here…..AUFC is not one of the options.

I gotta tell you though, if that’s what you are going to force me to do….. you’re doing the WRONG thing. S2 is quite happy and healthy where he is.

~PEW

This is a common trait of a PEW. You must remember that this was, in fact, an agreed-upon childcare facility. This facility was actually chosen by PEW. The children went there all summer long while she had the same work schedule. The children started off the school year there and it was incorporated into the child support number. This was all about her pocketing the difference between what the actual cost of AUCF was and the lesser amount (later proven in court) she was paying to neighbor. Again, when we talk about the projection of accusations, particularly when it comes to something being “all about the money” - there is no mistake - it is her and she had been doing this for 2 years (at the time).

Further, in keeping with common PEW traits, you’ll notice that ANY facility is now okay with her, except the one we agreed to. How often do I talk about PEW’s either never agreeing to any settlement offer on any issue or reneging on agreements that you rarely actually have happen or flat-out disregard orders to stick to agreements? Just another example folks.

PEW,

I think [Neighbors] are very, very nice people. That said, their children are out of control, despite your ongoing assertions to the contrary. I grow tired of listening to S1 tell me stories about how [Older Neighbor Kid (ONK)] constantly is BEATING on not only his own brother, but on our S2 as well. It’s no wonder they behave the way they do and still engage in physical confrontations with one another, others, and at school. I have no idea what kind of movies or games they are playing, but I am still disturbed by the fact that every time I come over there… [ONK] is “armed to the teeth” with toy firearms and when he is not shooting me and others, is showing off his substantial arsenal. I still haven’t been told the types of video games they have despite repeated requests. The list goes on.  Their children are BAD (at least ONK) and the potential negative influence on ours is already evident. I once asked S1, “well what does [their Mom] do when ONK is hitting the kids?” He said, “Oh, she beats him.”

Great.

I don’t want them being watched by [Neighbors], and it is nothing personal. It is about “giving a shit” (as you so eloquently put it) about the boys. It’s not an environment that I want the children spending MORE time in than they already do. He’s tired in the morning because you don’t put either child in bed at a reasonable hour. Try 8PM, like they should be going to bed every night.

Now, as far as AUCF, I simply don’t believe you. I think S2 puts on the show for you because, as I have always maintained, that’s an act that he ONLY DOES FOR YOU. Always has and always will unless you put a stop to it. When I spoke to S2 about his time at beforecare and aftercare and he always told me he enjoyed it and the things he would do while there. Never once did he ever tell me he hated it. The fact remains that the only reason that you pulled him out was to pocket the money and I wish you would stop with the fiction that you’re paying [Neighbor] “the same amount” as the childcare facility… particularly when you spent so much time complaining about what the nanny was paid when what you ALLEGEDLY paid [Mrs. JM] and [Neighbor] (when factored out to a 5-day week) was FAR MORE money for FAR LESS time with the children than Nanny.

Please, stop lying.

Finally, I ask you to read the things you write… because most of this is about financial and logistical convenience for you, NOT the children - quite surprisingly, parroting the same issues I’ve brought up to you when it comes to travel and exchanges… and you haven’t done a single thing to make life easier on THE CHILDREN (even where their safety is concerned) since you started these things rolling.

So, there is your answer. If you want to send me a reply, feel free… I won’t address it any further.

It’s AUCF or some other equally qualified facility. I suggest you do so rather quickly as I am considering a petition to the courts for modification of support, even if it is just for the credit I’m owed since you pulled S2 out of the agreed-upon childcare facility. I also find it interesting (and I’m sure that the court will, too) that S1 didn’t previously need “beforecare” and you now use this threat to continue to try to be manipulative.

I don’t have “total hatred” for you, actually - it is you who is driven by hate and revenge. If you would simply do what has been ordered and/or agreed to, there would be no contentiousness… but as always - you are constantly looking for the next thing to be combative about. You need to stop it sooner rather than later.

~LM

Even today, I still roll my eyes at myself when I write “I will not address it any further” because we all know by now (at least back in the day) that it was a near impossibility.

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