The Psycho Ex Wife

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The conclusion of this story wraps up what was started in Orthodontist Braces Update - 2009 Edition.  Not unlike so many of our other issues, this one is protracted.  So, the related events in 2009 pre-dated my 2010 job.  That employment started us on the path to getting S1’s braces taken care of and yet… more bizarre circumstances will occur…

In December, when the final details were hashed out, PEW knew I had gotten a job.  Now, keeping in mind that she was having financial issues of her own, the braces battle had gone into remission.  My new job would change all that.  I had barely gotten through introductions at my new place of employment when I got an email, my first day on the job…

LM,

Waiting to hear on the braces? If I don’t hear back by friday, I’m going to take off one day next week to file the paperwork for a court order. This can’t wait any longer.

~PEW

Are you kidding me? Waiting to hear “back” on the braces? Her last communication, aside from the “fuck you fest” was that she wasn’t pursuing the braces and she couldn’t afford it. Now, she’s “waiting” to hear back from me? Whatever story works on any given day.

I suggested waiting to find out what kind of insurance coverage I would be getting. I suggest this in the interests of not only saving myself money, but saving her money, too. The company is in the process of reworking their insurance and also trying to get it to me ahead of schedule. Worst-case scenario is waiting until April 1st, 2010. We go dormant on this issue (because there were others) again until February 3rd…

LM,

Did you find out if your new insurance has any coverage for orthodontics? we need to get this taken care of

~PEW

I reply with the update…

PEW,

I should know next month what the status of dental insurance will be. Whether it becomes available or not, we should be able to proceed. The company is in the process of securing a dental plan and they “should know” by March 1. If they don’t, they don’t.

~LM

Either way, we were going to move ahead anyway. Most orthos offer fairly decent payment plans for their fairly expensive procedures and I was working again.

LM,

we’re not waiting another month for something that is just a “possibility”. I was told to shop the price around because [Ortho1] said $5k and [Ortho2] said $7k and some people in work are saying that’s way too much. I’ll let you know what I find out.

~PEW

Remind me to someday thank PEW for letting me know who the mystery orthodontist was. I was able to call and confirm that he had seen S1 and his conclusions were the same as [Ortho1], however he said it really wasn’t a formal consultation. I would ultimately schedule one with [Ortho2].

More of PEW’s genius at work. Again, this wasn’t an emergency. If dental insurance was on the docket, the savings would probably start at $1,000 and end up maybe being more. Given the fact that she has been a financial mess (while being gainfully employed, collecting rent from her sister, and collecting child support), let this be an example of PEW’s financial acumen.

Nevermind that we’re absolutely going to wait because there isn’t much else she can do about it.

PEW,

Yes, we are.

I heard [Ortho1's] $5K price is about the norm from a dentist who highly recommended both him and [Ortho2]. If you find something better, let me know and I’ll run the name past him, too.

I’m very happy with using [Ortho1].

~LM

Drumroll please…
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You’ll recall that there has been much discussion about high-conflict ex-spouses using “braces” (orthodontia, of all things) as a tool to put additional financial pressure on the struggling normal ex-spouse.  Well, it’s time to bring you up to speed on S1’s braces issue - we’re under way!  I haven’t done an update since last August when I posted: The Orthodontist War Heats Up.

In an email where we had to discuss childcare arrangements because summer camp had been completed with a few weeks left to go, she wrote to me:

By the way all of the appointments with the Orthodontist are cancelled including tues. I will take care of that issue.

Yes, she went ahead and made the first 3 appointments unilaterally.  Fortunately, by that time, I had called and explained the situation and the orthodontist’s office understood.  They were to call me when ANYTHING changed regarding the children - and so far they have.

Interestingly, they had called me on Monday, 8/24/2009 to remind me about the appointment PEW had scheduled for the 25th.  Imagine their surprise when I told them that PEW emailed me the previous day to tell me she had already canceled the appointments.  She hadn’t.  I think it validated the “difficulties” I had carefully described regarding the situation.  So, I intended to show up for the “re-consult” that was scheduled for PEW (primarily), which also confirms that she has been blathering on about stuff about which she has no clue regarding dentistry, orthodontia, and how it pertains to S1.

On the morning of 8/25/2009, I got a call from them again.  PEW called and canceled all appointments.  They asked me if I wanted to meet with them anyway.  I said, “Yes, I do.” I went to the appointment and the first thing I did was apologize profusely to the office staff who have been dealing with this latest “crisis,” and at the same time, thanked them for their understanding and for calling me when something changed.  I then handed them a letter I drafted and signed that, in effect informed them of the joint-legal custody and joint-decision-making requirements of our custody agreement.  It further instructed them that due to the elective nature of the procedure and my current unemployment situation, no work was authorized without my prior written consent.  You see, back in the late spring or early summer, I floated the idea of moving ahead if PEW was willing to pay for things while I was seeking employment.  She said she would think about it.  Subsequent to that, she said “no.”  I had anticipated being able to find a job before she had paid for half, and even if I didn’t, it was on me to pay for the second half anyway.  How we paid for half didn’t really matter as we were both responsible.  There were a number of ways to arrange things so that we could move ahead sooner rather than later, otherwise, we would have to wait for me to get a job.

Anyway, they understood, accepted it, and filed in S1’s folder right before my eyes.  They added what they said at the initial consultation - “Mister-M, the bottom line is this, no one ever died from having crooked teeth.  When you’re in a better position to take care of this, just know we’ll be ready.  He has time.” Thank you.  My guess - she found another orthodontist to do the work, probably has scheduled appointments and will attempt to do an end-run on me.

Now, bringing things up to speed a little bit more quickly.  While not entirely low-contact, it was an important matter pertaining to the children which required dialogue.  I would love to have gotten S1 started last year.  Had I been working, this would have been a non-issue.

LM,

I’m making an appt today for S1 to get his first round of spacers. I will then submit the bill to [child support enforcement] for your half. You’re too much.

~PEW

I reply:

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Whatever your denomination, we sincerely hope that your holiday season is full of love, great friends, amazing family, and that you have a minimum of upset from those who would see fit to sabotage such a great time of year.

From all of us to all of you, may the holiday season be bright, colorful, and your year ahead be better than all those that have passed!

Oh, what a treat when she comes out of nowhere with both barrels a’blazin’!

With the very fewest exceptions, I make the children lunch every single day they are with me.  I rotate their different favorites, toss in a snack, some fruit, and a drink.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Every rare once-in-a-while I get lazy.  Most times I make lunch the night before and have it ready to go.  Fewer times, I make it in the morning during breakfast.  Rarely, I just don’t frigging feel like it and give them each $2.10 to buy the school lunch.

So, imagine my surprise when I get this gem without warning…

LM, If you are having the kids buy lunch when they are with you send them with lunch money. I put money in the account so they can buy when they are with me if I want them to. Last week S2 owed $10 from the previous week that I had to pay so that he could buy. And now I just got low balance notifications, so if they are buying… send money cheapskate!!!

Isn’t it amazing how condescending someone can be when they’re collecting child support from a parent who has more than half of the total custody time, is unemployed and is thus making significantly less money than her?

Originally, I was disinclined to respond, but was curious.  If you remember the Food Deprivation Series, you know that this is a discussion not worth pursuing, but still ironic since less than one year ago, she was encouraging them to buy lunch when they were with me and I was packing lunch.  So I figured I would ask the boys about it.  Smart and savvy they are - it would appear that they occasionally “forget” to use the cash I give them since they are in the habit of just going through the line, giving their pin number and moving on to chow.

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I urge them to “not forget in the future.”

PEW,

I send them with money the rare time I send them without a homemade lunch. One time last week, I left the house without my wallet and I will send them home to you with $4.20 this week. I actually meant to do it last week.

Other than that single time, I always send them with lunch money.

I spoke to the boys this morning and they said that sometimes they forget to use the money when I send it with them, so that might account for the shortfall. Of course, it’s probably in their bank here or there.

Way to overreact like a petulant child, again.

~LM

Yes, I tossed a dig in there.  A rare moment of weakness.  As expected, it comes with another reply.

[drum-roll please...............................................................................]

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It’s the annual rite of passage for most of us dealing with the high-conflict ex-spouse.  It’s exacerbated if you’re dealing with a borderline or other personality disorder.  This holiday season is shaping up to be no different than those past.  They were predominantly chaotic and terror-filled when married to PEW.  It’s simply been status-quo since the split if you’ve followed this blog regularly.

Like clockwork came the pre-Thanksgiving email from PEW which indicated confusion over the holiday schedule.  We have Thanksgiving in odd years, PEW in even years.  If I had to pick one thing that has been clear and consistent since our split - it’s been Thanksgiving.  Her repeated emails this year were met without reply for as long as I could make it happen in keeping with low-contact principles.  I’ve actually gone back several years and reviewed emails in advance of Thanksgiving.  Unsurprisingly, they stop just short of being copied & pasted from one year to the next, this, despite clear language in the court order which details the custodial arrangement during Thanksgiving that has been the one true constant during this entire mess.   The court order reads:

Thanksgiving to include the entire weekend of Thanksgiving. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

It doesn’t get much clearer than that.  It’s what we’ve practiced since 2004, though there have been disruptions along the way.  These are the disruptions we can count on every single year around holiday time.  This year would be no exception (11/10/2009):

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