The Psycho Ex Wife

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Another of the Psycho-SIL Criminal Series…

Date: 9/11/2008, Thursday

Time: 11:23PM

Location: [Zippy's] Bar

Perpetrator: Psycho-SIL

Report Summary by Officer CS:

On Thursday, September 11th, 2008 at approximately 2323 hours, Officer [Coopersmith] observed a [perfect description of PEW's exact car] exit the parking lot for Zippy’s Bar, [address of Zippy's] onto northbound [Drunkenville] Road.  Said [PEW's Car] did not exit said parking lot using the driveway entrance/egress curb cut-out; instead, the vehicle drove down the sidewalk, off the curb, and onto the roadway. The vehicle was subsequently stopped and the operator arrested for DUI.  Arrested: Psycho-SIL, [PEW's Address]

Our commentary: Another middle-of-the-week drunken escapade for the Psycho-SIL.  For some inexplicable reason, this particular police station was reluctant to give me the level of detail that the other departments have provided to this point.  I had a lengthy and friendly discussion with the Sergeant about the “Right to Know Laws” and rather than press the issue - I thanked him for taking his time to discuss the matter with me.  He completely understood my concern when I described to him why I was after more detail - the children’s well-being is at risk due to her significant, long-term problems with substance abuse.  So is the general public’s.

Specifically, I wanted to know what the breathalyzer test revealed as my previous reports were mistaken and based upon the statute regarding DUI.  There is a very strong possibility that she blew higher, much higher than the .16 I previously stated.  Reviewing the documentation, she was guilty of the “highest rate of alcohol” that has a minimum threshold of .16. It’s called “.16+” and my money, given the level of intoxication on her previous arrests - is on the “plus.”

You’ll notice that she is driving PEW’s car and is reportedly living at PEW’s address.  So, with all of the frequent lying PEW does about Psycho-SIL’s alcoholism and not putting people at risk and “she hasn’t had a drink in 6-months” bullshit over and over and over again - PEW is letting her drive her only means of transportation.  She is letting a drunk drive her car to go to bars.  The same car that, if it’s involved in a deadly accident, will put her car, her home, but most importantly - the children’s living situation at great risk.  So much for the bullshit contention that Psycho-SIL would never put the children’s lives at risk or in jeopardy.

She ended up being found guilty and faced approximately $1,500 in fees and fines and was placed in a diversionary program that would reduce her license suspension from 1-year to the 2-months it was.  (If you’ll recall, she still drove with that suspended license.)  It was her “first offense.”  At least, the first she was officially caught offense.  I’m fairly certain that she drove drunk with a fair amount of regularity given the frequency of her actual arrests and citations - combined with my own personal observations and experiences dating back to the days of being married to the PEW.

I really wonder if her family is going to wake the hell up to this nonsense, step up, and get this girl the help she so desperately needs before she kills someone (including her nephews or nieces)?

As we continue on from Part 2, the discussion continues on custody but also gets sidetracked by discussions regarding my alleged “deadbeatedness” - another break from reality. She starts by telling me that she’ll provide me the alleged receipts she was paying Mrs. JM for watching S2 for three half-days per week - a total of $160/week. Receipts that she would ultimately never produce.

PEW:

I had the copies of the checks to Mrs. JM and [childcare center] sitting on the table to give you when you dropped them off.

LM:

Okay. You can mail them or put them in the bag for the forthcoming weekend. I also have copies of the health insurance cards made and laminated. They are the same (one card for both boys) but I made two copies of it. I was going to just mail them to you.

PEW:

If anything I’ve paid way more than what is in the support order because of days off etc….for S1 when he can’t go to [childcare center]. I am also going to ask the judge that you pay for part of S2’s tuition for this year. Also, my salary is not going to wind up being $31000 for the year, so we might be going back to a support conference anyway. I have missed a lot of time with the kids being sick etc……not that I mind being there for my children. It’s just hard when you have NO other parent around.

LM:

For someone who doesn’t mind being there for the children, all you do is complain about it. So much so that even Gloria floated the idea of switching custody, which I would welcome.

PEW:

Listen, you don’t set me straight on anything with your emails. It’s all your little fairy tail in your head…everyone knows that LM. Nothing you ever write is true.

LM:

Documented facts say otherwise.

PEW:

That’s fine about the 25th, but I am not agreeing to the summer proposal. Not at all, you’ve refused to work with me, so until you have a court order.

LM:

6 revisions to the original request says otherwise. Thank you for the understanding regarding the 25th. I truly do appreciate it.

PEW:

You’ll have them for the two weeks you requested and every other weekend after that. I’m not in contempt of anything. You better talk to your lawyer before you start making threats.

LM:

I repeat, I’m not making threats. There is a court order in effect. There is an interim agreement for the balance of the school year which we both agreed to in front of the master. I am not threatening you. I am reminding you that there are consequences for taking a hard-line that is not in compliance with orders/agreements currently in existence. Remember? You asked for “no surprises” and “no underhandedness.” Again, doing so in the face of your combativeness to no benefit of my own.

This would end the 5th or 6th exchange. She lies about having receipts or canceled checks for Mrs. JM (because she wasn’t paying her anywhere near $160/week, if she was paying her anything at all). She ramps-up the projection, telling me that “nothing” I ever write is true. She thinks she’s entitled to an increase in support for time she misses from work. She (again) complains about having to care for the children.

The only good thing was that she backed-down in the face of me holding my ground on the upcoming weekend that was in question. The next back-and-forth…

PEW:

I’ve never complained about “being there” for the children. I’ve only complained that you are not there for the children therefore making it very much more difficult for US.

LM:

No, you complained about how much of a burden is was for you… a burden that would exist whether I was in [Neartown1] or [home-state]. [Neartown2] or [Neartown3]. [Neartown4] or [Neartown5]. A burden that exists because you wanted a divorce. As usual, your lack of foresight prevented you from understanding just how difficult life becomes for everyone involved when you make such a decision.

PEW:

There are no documented facts, just you and your ridiculous claims. Speaking of documents though, I can’t wait to go to court, because I have a few documented suprises for you.

LM:

I’m sure you do. While I want to focus on the future and the children, you want to focus on telling everyone who will give you 5 minutes to speak how awful I allegedly was during our marriage. Heck, even Gloria struggled to get you re-focused on the matter at hand and not complain about what happened a year ago or longer.

PEW:

And your revisions were ridiculous. You are ridiculous. I am the only one who ever made concessions, since day 1 which started May 1st 2004.

LM:

No they weren’t. Each time you created a new “issue” - I revised the schedule to accommodate each new roadblock. Each time, you would come up with something new after I gave up MORE meaningful time during the Summer, and then I would adjust again. That’s the reality. First it was the travel frequency. Then I adjusted. Then it was the time away from Mom. Then I adjusted. Then there were adjustments for vacations (normal). Then you requested adjustments that would chop more weekends out of the schedule. Adjustments for a Special Saturday. I mean, just as with most “negotiations” in the past - once I adjust to your latest “issue” - you come up with a new hoop to jump through. Then, you agree to my proposed Summer but “don’t want to make it a part of an official order” because you want to see how the kids adjust? Rarely do your requests amount to much more than superficial delays and roadblocks. As I’ve said before, I will say again - it’s a matter of “control” for you. There is really is nothing more (of major concern) that needs to be ironed out. If you agree to this reasonable Summer/School schedule, it doesn’t leave a whole lot for you to hold over me now does it?

PEW:

The court order that we agreed to in front of the master is for every other weekend. That’s it, that’s all….that is the court order…..and it was “temporary” remember? I was trying to be nice by letting you try that situation out first. I didn’t have to agree to that.

LM:

The agreement in front of the Custody Master was for the remainder of the school year so as not to disrupt the school schedule. That’s what we agreed to. And no, you didn’t have to agree to it, but the end result of that decision would have been “no agreement” and the existing order would remain in force until we had a modification hearing.

PEW:

Again, I can’t wait to get in front of a judge this time. You are not going to get every other weekend and you’re not going to get the summer proposal. You’re not. No judge would give that to you when you’ve been so irresponsible and cavalier no matter what Gloria puts in her report.

LM:

Perhaps not, but one thing is for certain, I’ve neither been irresponsible nor cavalier on any of these matters. That’s simply another one of those things you tell yourself and others in order to convince yourself you are “the righteous one” through all of this. I’ve been exceedingly responsible, from providing financial support, providing emotional support and remaining in constant contact with the boys (when you actually answer the phone or have them call me back when you’re not available when I do call). Your problem is that you can’t dictate all of things that I do and I am not there to say “how high” when you say “jump.”

If you would just wake up someday and decide that you are no longer going to be angry and bitter about the past and come to agreement on what is very reasonable Summer and School schedule, the overwhelming majority of “issues” are gone. However, that will leave you nothing to argue about and cry “victim” over, and right now, you don’t appear ready to move on.

I suppose court will tell what the ultimate outcome will be. Just remember, should I end up not receiving the schedule I have requested - I hope that when you sit down in the aftermath you will find that your efforts were worth it. That using the kids to “get back” at me was worth it. And when you’re whining about how I am not there for the kids and can’t help you and don’t do things with them - it will be because you fought to make it that way. Though that won’t be your version of reality - it will be reality just the same. What a total tragedy that you can’t think of the kids and agree to let them spend primary time with me for 2 months out of a 12 month year because of your bitterness. You never have bridged the yawning chasm that is the gap between your contention that the boys need me in their lives more - and your efforts to prevent it. You couldn’t do it in the custody evaluations. You can’t do it during our discussions (via email or voice). Your argument that it “needs” to be with me living in [custody state] is self-serving and has nothing to do with the children.

Are you exhausted yet?

She’s already prepared to dismiss Gloria’s report if it doesn’t go in her favor.  I can tell you this… Gloria had her pegged in our sessions and was really concerned (details later), particularly about Psycho-SIL living there.

The only other comments I’ll make here was to note her comment about “having documentation” that would surprise me.  After 5-years, not one surprising document has been produced.  There aren’t any.  Not a single police report despite her telling people that there were.  Not a single bad review at any workplace.  No police record.  Nothing.  To this day, though, she still believes a great many things that simply don’t exist… including all of these “documents” that show how awful a person I am.

Part 4 looms… and you’ll watch me repeatedly beg her to just stop the madness. Of course, you know now that it’s 2009, fully 4-years after this exchange… and she hasn’t. And she won’t.

Pay attention, folks… this is a back to history post!  Keep your eyes on the category labels.  Maybe in a few years I will have completely bridged the gap between history and present day!

By this time, the news had already broken about my job change and relocation.  If you need to catch up, just click on the 2005 category label and go back a page or two.  She was about to be abandoned by her first attorney and I was about to release my original attorney in favor of D-Mac who specialized in family court and divorce matters.

A lot had transpired up to this exchange and I was pushing PEW to agree to a reversal of the every-other-weekend situation for the summer to maximize the time I had with the children.  It was early April of 2005 and we had informed The Psycho Ex-Wife about our planned summer vacation time (story for later, mentioning it here to let you know we gave her more than 3-months advanced notice).  I was moving for primary custody of the children myself, but anticipating another round of custody evaluations, I was fairly convinced that the matter wouldn’t be settled by the end of the summer. For the summer, I proposed the following schedule via email:

PEW,

In an effort to resolve this and perhaps avoid the expense of Custody Evaluations, Inc. and eventually a court date (and associated legal fees)… I suggest the following schedule:

After S1’s school year is over, the following Summer schedule is proposed:

6/26 evening until 7/8 evening with Father.
7/8 evening until 7/10 evening with Mother.
7/10 evening until 7/22 evening with Father.
7/22 evening until 7/29 evening with Mother.
7/29 evening until 8/5 evening with Father.
8/5 evening until 8/7 evening with Mother.
8/7 evening until 8/14 evening with Father.
8/14 evening until 8/21 evening with Mother.
8/21 evening until 9/4 evening with Father.

9/5 we revert back to school year every other weekend schedule with you having primary custody.

~LM

Straight-forward and specific. There is no ambiguity here. I can also tell you, there was no flexibility on my part with regard to this schedule. For 9-1/2 months out of the year, she was potentially going to have primary custody. It wasn’t too much to ask that for 2-1/2 months, I enjoy the same schedule.

Her reply:

LM,

I’m tired of your criticism. You moved 400 miles away from your children. You aren’t here to help out with the day to day stuff….at all. Don’t blame it on me. Anyone who keeps a file on their spouse the way you did deserves to get divorced. You moved to [home state] for LM, not for the kid’s future, who are you kidding. You are a sick sick person LM. I heard all the stuff you’ve told our friends and your family about my “alleged” mental illness and it just sickens me that you think people actually buy it. I’m telling you ONCE and for ALL to stop harrassing me or I will take legal action against you for harrassment. I am doing the best I can with the kids ALL BY MYSELF. There is nothing wrong with my state of mind except that I married a controlling, overbearing abusive abusive person. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

As for your schedule, NO….I want to go back to Custody Evaluations, Inc. because I have alot of things that I believe need to be addressed with regards to you and YOUR behavior. It’s already cost me over $20000.00, what’s another $5-10K.

STOP CRITICIZING ME…..THAT IS WHY I DIVORCED YOU!!

On another note, my “friend” [Kevin] is coming with me on Friday to keep me company on the long ride. Please extend the same courtesy to him that I extend to DW.

~PEW

Harassment? I offered a summer schedule. That’s it. “All the people I told” were perhaps maybe some in my family and at that point, I was still believing it was bipolar disorder. I hadn’t learned about borderline personality disorder until a few months from this time. The last thing I was doing was broadcasting it to anyone beyond that.

Notice her martyrdom, too. She hasn’t been doing anything with the kids “all by herself.” Further, the only reason she was having them more than I was… her fight for primary custody. Funny how that works. Spend tens-of-thousands of dollars to fight for primary custody and then cry “poor me” about having it.

All the rest of it - pure projection.

Back in January of 2005, I discussed our mutual disclosure of seeing people. She wasn’t specific, nor was I, until it was time for there to be interaction between the children and DW. At that point, I had disclosed the address and phone number so that she knew where I was taking the children at her rightful insistence.

My reply:

PEW,

I will absolutely extend you the same courtesy. Please be advised, that I would like the same courtesy from Kevin that DW extended you, including full name, address, and phone number. I believe I deserve the same courtesy in that regard in knowing who it is my children may be spending time with.

Thanks in advance.

As for Friday night… where are we meeting? I would like to plan our respective departures to minimize the downtime for either side. Also, if you would kindly pack whatever clothes you would like them to wear when they come home, I would greatly appreciate it.

~LM

It seemed a reasonable request.

LM,

The kids don’t go to Kevin’s house LM. He doesn’t spend the night here, we don’t spend the night at his place. I have class, I don’t just shack up with the first person that comes along. The reason I wanted DW’s name and Address is because you were taking them to her home 400 miles away. The phone number so that I could reach you in case of emergency. So no, you may not have that information. You LIVE with DW, I do not LIVE with Kevin. If you need to reach me in an emergency you have my parents phone #’s, my sister’s #, my brothers #’s.

We are meeting at [an exit 20 miles closer to PEW]. I have never gotten off there so I don’t know what is there yet. My estimated departure time is approx 6:30pm.

And like I said before….STOP HARRASSING ME PLEASE.

~PEW

There she goes again with the mindless harassment accusation. Interestingly, she is unwilling to disclose the information about her boyfriend as I was willing to disclose the same about my girlfriend. The disclosure was made before we were living together, I might add, and given as it was someone with whom the children would be interacting. Fairness doesn’t register with psychos, though. Additionally, more take-take-take. Rather than meet where we had previously arranged, she changed the location to a spot more convenient for her. Always remember that as you read these and future posts. Her concern about travel time with the children and me is only a concern when it’s not convenient for her. In this situation, we had a planned weekend getaway with all of the children.

As I was blind copying DW on all exchanges, DW chimes in to me only…

LM,

She harrassed you about my address and phone way before you were living here and before the boys even spent time here. Of course we know that’s a one way street.

She needs to be clear that if we have a set time it needs to be set. We will be leaving at 7 the next morning, I do not plan on getting in at midnight again, which could be later for us now considering the fact that we have further to drive. And if she is seriously concerned about her children, she should think of meeting us on Mon as well as we are driving 12 hours, 8 of it with her children.

DW

You also might want to make her aware that I read everything and she needs to make sure she doesn’t talk about me like that again. Not to mention stop harrassing you.

She’s correct. However, PEW doesn’t care.

The purpose of this post is to establish a time-line for PEW’s relationship escapades. She would later lie about this in court, not that anything would happen (and in reality - it really didn’t matter). In January of 2005, she informed me that she had been seeing someone since October (of 2004). I couldn’t tell you if it was Kevin all this time, but at this point, it’s April of 2005 and she’s disclosed a relationship again.  Later, she would say that by this time, she was only seeing Kevin “for three weeks.”  One would think that after all that bellyaching about the children meeting DW “way too soon” (at 6- or 7-months)… the kids meeting Kevin after 3-weeks would be an offense punishable by death!

This is a long one. Get your popcorn ready.

Once the original (pre-relocation) custody agreement was put in place, she immediately filed for a modification of support (despite previous claims that she wouldn’t in order to get things settled).  Just to be clear, the amount of support I would be left to pay would have been the same given the arrangement.  Staying or going didn’t change that.

My first attorney would make a huge mistake here that would be the last one I would allow.  In what would prove to be the first of many disagreements over appropriate childcare, my attorney would mistakenly indicate at the support conference that I was okay with PEW’s arrangements for a private babysitter (a friend).  While I don’t think it would have changed the contentiousness that would exist over the issue, I just couldn’t stand for such a glaring error.  I mean, it was precisely the opposite of what I had conveyed to him.

The figures were something like this:  for 3-months (before my health insurance kicked-in) - my child support figure would be 45.5% of my net income.  After 3-months, it would go down to 40.0% of my net income.  Given my possible living arrangements in the area, after rent for an apartment, I would have been left with less than $1,000/month with which to take care of all other regular expenses: food, insurances, gas, utilities, clothes, shoes, phone, etc.  That meant no savings nor planning for my own future, let alone the future of the children.  That was impossible even minimizing things.  Had I gone bare-bones basic, I likely would have been left with a place to live that those in the family court cartel would have scrutinized as being inadequate for the 2 children, which likely would have led to a further erosion of my custody time (and a likely further increase in child support). Remember - this child support figure was calculated using a licensed, certified childcare facility. This is important to remember because almost immediately after this was entered as the order, she would not put the kids into the childcare center we had agreed to.

Making matters worse, PEW was “padding her financial stats” to make sure that I ended up paying for things she claimed at a high rate of expense, when she was paying out less than disclosed to the court.  Her primary area of making extra money was by exploiting the childcare arrangements for which she would later be found in contempt of court. This would be the first example of this:

LM,

I was just offered a job yesterday that I am taking. It is a regular mon-fri 9-5 workweek. Here’s my question for you. I’d like to see if one of the mom’s at S2’s school would consider watching him for the rest of the school year, so that he could finish out the year at [St. Church's], but at the same time I’m thinking and wondering if you’re going to give me a problem with paying her. Most people want cash for this, they don’t want to claim it as income. The problem is when we go to the support conference, If it’s not an actual day care setting….are you going to have a problem paying half?

Also, it would be nice to work out this custody thing so I can start making arrangements for them to go to summer camp on the weeks they are with me. Also, what are your plans for them in the summer? Will they be going to camp? Staying home while you’re at work?

I really had to make this work move because of you moving. There was no way I was going to be able to cover those 2 or 3 weekends. It’s too much and I called a nanny service and I’d have to pay more than I make.

~PEW

So, the shenanigans are already starting. The only point I’d like to make here is that her last paragraph is a lie. She didn’t make his job change because of my moving, as much as she would like to portray that as reality. She was planning this move for sometime as previous posts have detailed. She leveraged her stay-at-home-during-the-week status to win the primary custody recommendation from the custody evaluation. PEW repeatedly informed me that she would be taking a 9-5 job for since the summer of 2004. Further, given how normal interview processes take, she was fully involved in job-seeking before I ever disclosed to her that I was taking a new job and relocating… it was only about 2-weeks later that she told me this.

This was followed up by another custody settlement plea from her…

LM,

I am writing this to beg you to please re-consider what you are trying to do with the custody. I spoke to two other attorneys who informed me that you’ll never get every other weekend because it’s too much for the children. They said none of the judges would go for that. The summer deal, we can tweak it, but I’m not going for all summer. I can’t just drive over there and visit at will. You were always welcome here when you were around the corner, but you never took me up on it. I don’t think the kids (especially S2) could be away from me ALL SUMMER. If you want to split it this summer 50/50, 2 weeks there, 2 weeks here, 2 there, 2 here….I can do that.

~PEW

Followed by…

LM,

I can’t keep spending thousands of dollars on this attorney. I’m going broke. I want to get the kids into a house.

Same for the support. If the attorney’s could just work together then we wouldn’t have to go to a conference. There are guidelines in place for just that reason. They come up with a figure then we agree or disagree and that saves us from having to sit up in [court house] for a whole afternoon and me having to pay my attorney a whole weeks pay to sit there with me.

Working with me on this would go a long long way to burying the hatchet….PLEASE

~PEW

Sad. Pathetic. It’s all about what she wants. Her plea is centered around her belief that the children won’t be able to handle being away from “her” all summer. I guess all of her posturing and fighting over the course of the prior year to minimize their time with me wouldn’t adversely affect the children, right? My proposal was to reverse the custody arrangement for the summer and that would be “too much” for the children to handle. But the 9-months that they’re in school and I am living that arrangement, well, that doesn’t matter so much.

Conveniently, she wants to pick a provider that wants to make sure she is paid in such a way as there is no accounting for the actual costs. No surprise there.

Oh, and if I just accede to her demands, THEN she’ll bury the hatchet. Yeah, right between my eyes as she’s always done.

PEW,

The problem is when we go to the support conference, If it’s not an actual day care setting, there is no accountability for the costs associated with your friend, JM. Further, we can’t claim it on our taxes. Finally - we could get into a heap of trouble due to the whole nanny tax issue that seems to be all over the news lately.

At this time, I have not made any plans for them for the Summer as the custody issue remains unresolved. If you are not amenable to having primary custody revert to me during the Summer, we’ll have to go to court to resolve the matter, unfortunately.

~LM

Her reply…

LM,

You still didn’t answer the question about child care. If it is a private home setting till June for S2 are you going to give me a problem with sharing that expense? I’m sure people aren’t going to want to report it as income. If it is going to be a problem then I guess I’ll have to go with a traditional day care. Which I may have to do anyway if I can’t find someone.

I got one of the mom’s at [St. Church's] to watch S2. JM, she’s the president of the CYO. She also subs for S2’s teacher so he already knows her. It will be $160/week. S1’s will be $15/day. In sept. it will be a little more for S2 because he’ll be going full time, 5 days/week at a nursury school, I’m not sure which one yet.

~PEW

$160/week with her “friend.” This was far more expensive than other options available to us for S2. It’s important to remember that he would be watched for exactly 3 half-days. Of course, S1’s aftercare, which amounted to pretty close to the same amount of time over a full week at school, would only be $75. Something doesn’t add up here.

I told her that I was not in agreement with her unilaterally choosing JM to watch S2 and things escalated from there. She told me that she didn’t have to consult with me on childcare. Wrong. She absolutely did.

(more…)

I use the term “conclusion” loosely.  This is a recurring theme and I have no expectation that it won’t be brought up again at some point in the future.  For this round, it is the conclusion because there is nothing more to say on the subject to the PEW.  To catch up, start with Part A.

In the years prior to discovering low-contact methods, I played a significant role in the escalation of these discussions.  In the years since, by employing the methods learned (and written about), I have restored an amazing level of sanity to our lives, if not hers.  As always, I’d just as soon not engage in discussions with her about anything.  When you have children, no-contact is not really possible.  This will be one of those times where I will make an attempt to discuss the matter with her and set her straight on reality.  Of course, I go into this knowing it is extremely likely a wasted effort.

There are two different discussions which take place.  One is a phone discussion with the PEW.  Two is a discussion about food, health, and fitness with the children, who are obviously aware at this point that PEW is making an issue out of things.

The discussion with PEW follows.  In an effort to keep it brief and (hopefully) readable, we’ll go the bullet-point method.

My main points:

• I let her know up-front that the conversation needed to stay on-topic or I would hang-up the phone.  Though a couple of tangential issues were offered, I was able to quickly redirect her back to the topic at-hand.
• I let her know that despite whatever the children may have been telling her, the accusations were false, unfounded, and I laid out for her what our typical meals consist of (previously documented in this series), acknowledging that she “only had my word that it was the truth” and that there was nothing more I could or would provide her on the issue.
• I let her know that it was my fervent desire that she file the petition.  I wanted the opportunity to go before the judge and see her reaction when she “trotted out the ridiculous notion that the children weren’t getting enough to eat and have her simultaneously explain how it is even possible with one child slightly overweight and one child significantly overweight.”
• I told her that her instructing S1 to buy lunch whenever he felt like it while on my custodial time was “reprehensible” and that she should only ensure that there is enough money in the account to cover her custodial time, while also pointing out that most of the school lunches are garbage anyway.

Her main points:

• When the kids tell her that they aren’t getting enough to eat, should she not believe them?  (My answer was: YES!  As I don’t take everything that they tell me as completely accurate, she shouldn’t either.  They are kids and will often attempt to manipulate us in an effort to get what they want when they want it.)
• I need to take some responsibility for the situation.  (My answer to that was NO!  I feed them normal meals.  I don’t obsess about their weight.  I don’t restrict their diets or snacks.  And the responsibility for their poor eating habits… what they eat… how much they eat… when they eat… and their over-snacking is 100% her responsibility.)
• The kids get plenty of exercise when they are with her including going for walks and playing with friends, playdates, they swim at her parents during the summer, etc.  (This is not entirely true in that the frequency with which she claims they get “plenty of exercise” is overstated according to the kids. They spend a big chunk of their time watching TV and playing videogames at home.  When they go on playdates and play with neighbors, they often are… watching TV and playing videogames.  I did not say this to her - this is just for the readers’ info.)
• There are “plenty of successful fat people in the world who have great jobs, gorgeous wives, families, money, etc.  (I told her that this reality matters not to me.  I told her that barring a contributing medical condition that has been ruled out in both of our boys, that being overweight was not necessary to achieve those results and very likely will cause potential future health problems.  She only needs to look within her own family to see that.)
• She reiterated her contention that in the summer of 2007, I “starved” the 17-pounds off of S1.  (I reiterated to her was patently untrue and previously explained that his participation in swim team, summer camp, and normal daily play activities were completely responsible for his weight loss.  I added his sense of pride and his noticing how much better he felt by summer’s end.)

The discussion was, at times, animated as she would toss in her ridiculous accusations.  I did call her an “asshole” once and a “big fat liar” for doing so.  Childish, yes.  This was certainly wrong, if still true, and is the risk one takes when choosing to break low-contact.  Worthy of note:  She continued to offer up her opinions on a variety of issues surrounding the central one without ever offering a shred of suggestion as to what should be done differently… only that they should be done differently.  All the time she does this.

The conversation was over after we each said our peace.  (more…)