The Psycho Ex Wife

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I was reflecting in Thanksgiving Reflections Part I about one of the lowest lows I have experienced in my life. It coincided with Thanksgiving 2004.  Thanksgiving has also seen some of my highest of highs.  In 2005, there was some drama which I’ll cover at another time.  With Thanksgiving right around the bend, I want to recall Thanksgiving of 2007.

The details of what transpired in the fall of 2007 are covered in my post Thanksgiving Comes Early.  November 2nd, 2007 would be the day that I finally managed to get 50/50 custody.  Full shared parenting.  Though it came at considerable financial expense, I can tell you after a full year of this arrangement, it was worth it.  It was worth the heartache.  It was worth the tears.  It was worth the debt.  How we managed to get to that situation would be a long, dramatic road.  It would also be the last time I would see the inside of a courtroom - a streak that is still alive - and one that I hope will continue.

My family was getting together for Thanksgiving after a hiatus in 2006.  Good times.

I had the children for the second time (last time in 2005).  Good times.

It was a full house at my brothers and a wonderful, wonderful holiday.

S1 was really excited for the holiday season.  He had prepared a poem that he had written for a school project.  After prayers, he had the floor in front of a house that had no fewer than 40 guests.  He stood in front of everyone and calmly read it.  It had the usual Thanksgiving themes, but also closed with humor about saving room for dessert.  It was a big hit and his face beamed with pride (as did mine) as he was met with applause and laughter prior to us all sitting down for an amazing meal. I still smile at the photos and the memories that are relegated only to my brain from the holiday season positives that were so many.

This Thanksgiving, though it is without my children as it is PEW’s year - I reflect with a huge smile on how far we’ve all come.  This year, we are going to my brother’s again.  This year, DW, SS1, and SD1 will be part of my family’s Thanksgiving festivities.  Our crazy life has been full of successes and failures.  Yet, we press on.  DW and I love and support each other in ways that I hope all of you have the chance to experience.  While it will never be as easy as we dream - we make the best of our lives and our respective custodial arrangements… work arrangements… travel arrangements… the craziness that PEW often throws our way.

We are thankful for everything that we have.  We are thankful for the hopes and dreams for ourselves and our children.  We understand that there are countless numbers of people who would actually give a lot to have the craziness, love, hopes, and dreams that we have because they have it so much worse than we do.  We pray for all of those people.  We pray for those people who manage to have it so much better than we do.  We hope and pray for all that the future holds for them better and brighter things.

The bottom line is this, and I know it’s not easy for a great many in this world - but I hope that each and every one of us, no matter how bad or good we may have it, have something about which to smile and give thanks for.

I thank all of you who follow this blog for putting in the time and effort to read it and make your contributions through comments and emails.  Your feedback is meaningful.  Your thoughts and ideas helpful.  You help us more than you could possibly know.  I hope that we do the same for you.

To all - Happy Thanksgiving. May your futures be full of happiness, health, and successes in all you do.

Several readers have sent email after reading Appropriate Means of Contact With High-Conflict Personalities and the following was a great question:

Dear LM and DW,

I found your site today, and I am so grateful!

I think that establishing a low-contact relationship would be the best thing for me with my ex-husband. I am sick and tired of getting e-mails & voice mails which cause me to go on the defense about my life and parenting skills, and I’m suffering due to this as well. I could write a blog in itself about Inappropriately Replying to E-Mails, unfortunately. I definitely feel your pain!

Enough about my problems, though. Here is my question, and I’ve been unable to find this on the site. When you instituted your ultra-low/low-contact relationship with PEW, did you officially tell her or just start doing it? If you could fill me in or direct me to where on the site this is talked about, I would REALLY appreciate it.

Thanks a ton. I will be forwarding a link to your site to all of the divorced parents I know.

~LC

LC,

I sense a little fear or apprehension as you consider moving towards low-contact. That’s to be expected simply because you’ve been “reacting” for so long that you’ve been trained to respond that way. I struggle to this day with it and still occasionally make mistakes. It takes practice not to get caught up in the emotional response.

Answering your question - I let her know. Further, given my mad organizational skills - I knew exactly where to find the email I sent her on the very topic from April of last year. Here you go:

PEW,

I will once again ask for you to cease all of your abusive communications with me via email, phone, or any other medium.

You only should need to contact me with critical issues relevant to the children, and that you can do by phone. That would include things like they are hurt, in the hospital, something serious happened with regard to school, or some other serious trouble. The only exceptions to that requirement are governed by court-orders (vacation notice, changes in scheduling in keeping with the order, changes in pickup/dropoff location & times, etc.), or any situation where you choose not to comply with a court order.

If the children have a party or some other activity of interest that may conflict with custody arrangements, they have the capability of asking, you don’t need to. No calls about weather reports, no calls asking for directions, no allegedly idle chit-chat. No contact regarding legal matters.

I will take care of the children when they are with me and you will take care of the children when they are with you.

This is a necessary step due to your inability to maintain any semblance of self-control, certainly via email, but as we’ve experienced - with just about any medium.

Contact in keeping with these appropriate arrangements should be made by phone and be devoid of any abusive, harrassing, or combative language. In keeping with the agreement(s), any changes that require approval by both parties in writing can be done after the situation is discussed on the phone.

Thank you,
LM

There you have it. Use it if you want with appropriate modifications to suit your specific circumstances. Since then, we’ve gone from phone to email primarily, but the rules are still the same. I reply to nothing that is outside of the scope of my boundaries. Neither should you. All phone calls from her number, unless I’m expecting a call from the children while they are with her - I let go to voice mail first to avoid getting caught up in something I don’t want to be.

Do re-check that article and click on the blue text to the full article from BPDFamily (click on the doctor’s name) - it’s more in depth.

Wishing you the best.

~LM

——————————–

I’m adding this on 2/22/08. I was posed this question at another blog and I thought it was great because it’s a part of the equation I hadn’t considered.

The topic was how the children react when Dad enforces his appropriate communication boundary of hanging up the phone on his PEW when the barrage of hate-spew viciousness comes through the phone at him. When the kids finally get their chance to “talk” to Dad, the same situation ensues and they freak-out on him for “hanging up on poor, dear, PEW.”

Despite all the explanations in the world to his children… he ends up looking like the bad guy. And, as you can imagine, basically gets engaged in the same type of angry and frustrating conversations with his kids that he is trying to avoid with the ex. Any suggestions, Mister M?

I sure do! The same thing.

I work very hard to teach my children that they can be angry at me, mad about something, and be able to communicate that with me without being in complete freak-out mode. It works. They can turn it off like someone threw a switch. Yes, you bet your behind it’s tough, especially when a kid is 3, 4, 5 years old. But you do it.

On the phone, “Child, the issue is between your mother and I. When mom talks to me inappropriately, I have to protect myself. I will do the same with you, so if you cannot get yourself under control and talk to me in a normal tone of voice, I will hang up the phone.”

I will NOT argue with my children. I will have discussions with my children. Ever since they were young, I would simply pretend not to hear them until they “talk to me with your normal voice, otherwise, I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

If they’re older, they’ll understand the same thing in a more grown-up way. You talk to me like that you’ll get the same treatment. I will hang up the phone until you can talk to me as appropriately as I will talk to you.

Don’t be afraid to explain to them without DEMONZING momster that she is being rude and disrespectful and it will not be tolerated.

I can’t think of a single time where a mutual freak-out session ever accomplished anything productive. Stopping it accomplishes one of two things:

1. The communicating parties settle down and talk to each other normally, hopefully accomplishing something.
2. You shield yourself from the abusive behavior by SLAMMING THE PHONE DOWN IN PEW’S EAR WITH EMPHASIS while sitting back in your chair and relaxing in the knowledge that there were probably a few seconds, hopefully longer, where she was yelling like a frigging maniac at nothing… and then you laugh.

Continued from: Reinterpreting the Order Again

I decide to break no/low-contact in order to make sure she’s clear my position on the order, though I did tell her on the phone before hanging up in her ear as she started to go off. Due to a number of emails and text messages since then, I send the following this morning:

(12/31/07, 11:28AM)

PEW,

In response to your latest barrage of emails, voice mails, and text messages threatening me with more litigation, I will offer you the following information regarding your latest misinterpretation of the court order.

New Year’s Holiday is defined as December 31st through January 1st. Father has odd years. Mother has even years. As the “holiday” as defined begins in 2007, this is my year. The language of our orders haven’t changed since the first one. Further, our history confirms my recollection of the order and not your latest revision. You had New Years Holiday in 2004 (three years ago) and 2006 (last year) under this same language. I had New Years Holiday in 2005 (two years ago). This is now 2007 and is my year. Historically, whoever had Christmas, the other had New Years. The only reason it’s different this year is because prior to you being found in contempt of court, this would have been your next scheduled Christmas (followed by my next scheduled New Years).

I believe that this explanation is exceedingly clear and you will refute it. Just be assured that as I had informed you over the phone, the children will not be coming home today despite your orders for me to do so. Please stop with the incessant harassment. Stop with the unnecessary and unsupportable litigation.

~LM

After sending this, she calls to wish the boys Happy New Year. After chatting with the boys, I overhear S6 run into his bedroom and say to S9, “Mom said that dad is holding us here when it’s supposed to be her time with us! She said we are supposed to be with her and not with dad!”

Engaging the children in such issues is another violation of the court order and another in a long line of efforts to alienate the children against me. I walk out of the bathroom and into their room and the following discussion takes place:

Remaining calm, I simply explained to them, with their assistance (they know the week-on week-off schedule) what the situation is.

Me: My week was the week before Christmas, correct?
Them: Yes.
Me: Normally, Christmas week would have been mom’s this year, but trust me when I tell you that a special circumstance came up and I was supposed to have you for Christmas this year. Okay?
Them: Okay.
Me: That means, where are you supposed to be this week?
Them: With you.
Me: Please believe me when I tell you that I would not keep you from being with your mother. You are with me because that is our schedule and mom isn’t supposed to be telling you any differently. It is not your business to deal with, okay?
Them: Okay. Sorry.
Me: There is no need to apologize, I just want to make sure you know the truth.

I really don’t like having such conversations with the children. I’d really like for them to just be little kids and not be burdened with such bullshit, but alas, their mother - being the selfish, psycho that she is, will not hesitate to cross any boundary in order to create havoc. She doesn’t care about these children or the impact her behavior has on them.

Soon thereafter, I get 2 calls from her on the house phone. Ignored, no voice mails. 2 calls on the cellphone. Ignored, 1 voice mail. So far, two emails.

(12/31/2007, 1:36PM Voice Mail from PEW)

LW, it’s PEW. Those boys are supposed to be coming home. Today. I don’t know why you haven’t left yet. It’s almost 2 o’clock. I don’t know why you haven’t left yet. They want to come home. They don’t even want to be with you anymore. They want to come home and be with me. You had better bring them home today!

Followed by email at 2:05PM:

Listen LM,

You’re wrong, it says this is my year and even if it wasn’t what kind of father would keep the children when they don’t want to be there for three weeks. They both just told me they want to COME HOME, but they said if they say that to you they’ll get in trouble. What the hell is that?? I’m not going to litigate because I ENJOY it, quite the contrary….I hate it which is why I didn’t dispute your latest shenanigans with “moving” back to the area….which is NOT what you did. You lied to JS. You don’t live up here. This situation isn’t working out and you know it….the kids are NOW suffering emotionally because they have a total psycho for a father and I am helpless to protect them. AND to top it all of, you’re now holding them hostage at your [home state] when they want to be with me. They hate it there when D9 and S8 aren’t there. Not to mention the fact that they each got like 3 gifts and DW’s kids “got a whole bunch”. You disgust me. I’m giving the 50/50 thing six months (the end of April) to work for the boys and then I’m filing for another hearing. So far I have [neighbor] telling me that the first day you had them, you left them at the bus alone and drove away……I have the teacher telling me that you refuse to give S9 a snack and a decent lunch….I have [another apparent spy at Cub Scouts] telling me that you single S9 out at cub scouts and do not allow him to participate in the snack there…..I have countless emails from the teachers about the children’s behavior when they are with you…..I have S9 telling me about your “table topics” game where you ask the question “if something happened to your mother and she couldn’t take care of you, who would you want to live with?” what kind of sick game is that??? I have your total inability to communicate on any level…..then there’s the fact that you don’t LIVE up here…you DON’T EVEN WORK UP HERE all the time…..YOU are the reason 50/50 isn’t going to work. And I will prepare the judge for that on January 24th when I go in to discuss this bullshit with her. You’re a sick person, even if I am wrong what kind of father would keep children when they clearly miss their mother. I’m going to litigate more because it’s the ONLY THING I CAN DO. I hate spending my time this way, but when I hear my kids voices and they’re wispering that they miss me and want to come home because their SICK father will get mad if he hears them…….it infuriates me. Some day JS is going to see what I see….and what the REST of the world sees in you…..you’re a sick sick person…..EVERYONE knows that you don’t care about what’s best for those boys. I hope your holiday is ruined just like you ruined mine and the kids. Get help.

~PEW

My commentary: My, my, my - the rage is now out of control. Points worth addressing:

- My children just told me this morning, after being told we’re heading back to [work state] tomorrow that they didn’t want to go back and they were just having too much fun here. Of course, they also have to go back to school, which I’m sure is a bummer to all kids who’ve had off for 10-days. That’s not to sa
y that they don’t miss their mom. A divorce arrangement sucks all the way around, but when you have a raging maniac for a mother, you will say what will appease her and they know if they tell her that they’re having a blast with me, she’ll get upset. That’s because she does get upset.

- I did “move back up there.” I have residences in both places. I work in mom’s home state. It was an absolute miracle that I obtained this position and took it for two reasons: 1) I needed a job. 2) TO BE WITH MY CHILDREN!!! During my weeks where I don’t have custody of the children, I can work from the home office and make a point of scheduling any travel I may have for those weeks where I don’t have custody. Further, if business circumstances require it, I’m even up at our apartment in the work state because I have to be. Reality, PEW… catch it!

- Christmas presents: DW’s children had more because their father brought over all of their stuff along with their grandmother. Of course, PEW has always been about everybody being “even” - even when circumstances just don’t call for it or allow it.

- On the first day I had the boys during the 50/50 arrangement, I took them to the bus stop which is at the corner of her street and her neighborhood spies. While awaiting the bus, I notice I’m parked on the wrong side of the street and right under the sign which reads - “No parking, this side of street.” As their buddies are assembling at the bus stop, they get antsy and want to get out. I let them, telling them, “I’m parked illegally, so I’m going to drive around the block and park on the proper side of the street.” They bolt to the corner and I start to roll around the block when… the bus arrives! While at the stop sign, everyone boards and I roll to work. I wasn’t at work 30-minutes when the raging phone voice mail comes. One of the neighborhood spies called her in work and reported that I just dumped them at the bus stop and abandoned them.

- When the boys aren’t packed a nice lunch, they are given money for a school lunch. I got one email from S9’s teacher saying that they get to lunch late and asked me if I could pack a morning snack for S9, which I have done every single day since. Boy, can PEW embellish and twist reality into abuse or what?

- One day, S9 was punished (loss of snack) for misbehavior in school. The day in question happened to be a Cub Scout meeting where all the kids get a snack at the end of the meeting. S9 was not allowed to have a snack because it was his punishment and I couldn’t allow Cub Scouts snack time to undermine my disciplinary decision. It was one instance in dozens of meetings since September. Of course, PEW doesn’t believe in discipline of any kind… so I could see where she might be upset.

- Table Topics is a fun game where we all ask questions of each other. Pretty much no topic is off-limits (within reason). They even sell “table topics cards” which was one of the gifts from Santa this year. The question she bastardizes is this: If you could live at anyone’s home except your parents for one year - whose home would you choose? S9 chose his best friend’s house. S6 chose his grandmother’s house (my mother). D9 and S8 chose their grandmother’s house. I’m not entirely sure how PEW twisted into what she described above. The question was “for a year” - I’m not sure any of us could die for only a year.

Welcome to my nightmare.

Followed by email at 2:07PM:

LM,

I like how you always portray yourself like such a “victim” too….I’m always threatening you right? or harassing you? grow up and be a man!!

~PEW

Followed by voice mail at 2:26PM:

LM,

I just responded to your email and I also wanted to let you know that now thanks to you your father and stepmom won’t get to see the kids because I was supposed to take them down there on the 11th which is obviously not going to happen if they don’t get their Christmas presents until the 6th. So, I hope you’re happy. You ruined everything for everybody as usual because that’s what makes you happy. See you on the 24th!

Followed by email at 2:37PM:

LM,

By the way…..ALL of the stuff that was on their Christmas lists is here. The jerseys, the Webkins cow, the wrestlers, the lego people, Nintendo DS, …..because I can afford it??? no, I can’t afford it….but I know their only little once and they only believe in Santa for a few years and you RUINED it. Get to a psychiatrist LM, you need help badly…..you need medication or something.

~PEW

My commentary: Hey, I was out of a job for 9-months and we have a lot of recovering to do from that. My kids had an excellent Christmas and got some of the things on their rather lengthy list, which, in it’s entirety, would have cost close to $2,000 each. I know she can’t afford it, but she’s never been one to let that stand in her way. I think it’s wonderful that she can (and always has) catered to the boys’ every whim. It’s why they appreciate things so little. It’s why they expect a toy every time the wind blows. It’s why everything that isn’t perfectly balanced for them “is just not fair!” It is just another issue which we have to manage as a result of PEW buying the children’s loyalty instead of teaching them how to grow up to be well-adjusted young boys who appreciate the things that they have, the people who love them, how to keep and maintain friendships, how to handle adverse situations appropriately, how to understand discipline and have self-discipline… and the list goes on. The very basic things that help to establish a well-rounded youth she is completely incapable of providing and/or teaching.

All I ever want is a peaceful, fun, joyous holiday with some semblance of normalcy. I seriously can’t remember one in the last handful of years dating back to when we were still married. She sets out to destroy them - it’s part of the illness. She makes everyone suffer for her issues. There is nothing anyone can do about it.

Despite all of this harassment - we are having a dynamite holiday season - it’s just that for us, we have to plan for such antics and it sucks.

Happy New Year.

This has all just taken place in the last hour or so…

The main terms of the current custody order can be found in this post: Thanksgiving Comes Early …take a look at the Holiday & Special Occasions breakdown.

If you’ve been following along, you already have seen how she alleges “confusion” about the schedule and understands better than the written order what the court’s “intentions” are. No, she doesn’t. As it has always been, it’s her way or the highway.

I’ve continued with my no-contact as she’s tried to engage me with her alleged confusion over the schedule. How confusing can one-week-on/on-week-off actually be? For the BPD who wants attention from her ex-husband, it can be as confounding as a Rubik’s Cube. I had the week before Christmas, the week of Christmas to make up for last year’s mess, and then back to our regular schedule - the week after Christmas as it is my next scheduled week. She will get the children back on January 6th as per the schedule. Except that she doesn’t like that.

As I’ve not answered her half-dozen or so posts asking me ad nauseum when she is supposed to get the children next, because the schedule is clear - she has tried to engage S9 in finding out when they are coming back. This is a no-no, according to the court order, but she insists on pulling one or both boys into the fray when I don’t pay her attention. When S9 asks me after a routine phone call this week, I simply tell him, “Son, it’s not your job to worry about when the schedule is for your mother. She knows the schedule and it will be taken care of.” Evasive, but if I answer him and then he goes back to her, it will only escalate from there and I have a spy on my hands again.

In any event, at some point in the last few days I told S9 that he would be going back to PEW “next weekend” and during tonight’s phone call with her - he told her that. After he is done, he passes the phone to S6 for his chat. When he is done, S6 approaches me and says, “Mommy said she needs to speak to you.”

LW: Yes?
PEW: I don’t know what you’re doing, but the court order says I’m supposed to have them for New Year’s!
LW: PEW, read the order again, it’s clear and it’s not open for discussion. *CLICK*

Of course, it’s not going to end there. Three consecutive phone calls in the next 2-minutes results in two angry voice mails.

Voice Mail 1:

PEW: LW, the schedule that you drew up says that I have the kids on even New Years. So that means that this New Years is mine. It says mother has them on even years, father has them on odd years. So, that said, we still have a court date for January 24th and I’m expecting my kids. So I think that you better rethink whatever it is that you’re thinking and reread your proposal that you put together. The one that is now a court order, okay?

This is getting beyond ridiculous it really is… I can’t even believe… I’m expecting them home and you’re pulling this crap. I think you better rethink this… whatever it is you’re doing! *CLICK*

Minutes later…

Voice Mail 2:

PEW: Okay, your petition, section C under item 5, is New Years holiday to include December 31st through January 1st. Father shall have custody in odd year and mother shall have custody in even years. And, as defined… in that… ummm… the previous order… is… it defines even years are January 1st and then the… ummm… odd years are… you know… the even and odd is determined by the New Year. So it’s already been defined. I don’t know what it is you’re doing or why you’re doing it. But the kids need to be home on New Year’s Eve. So, I’ll see you then! Wherever! Ummm… whether it’s at [new exchange point] or you want to drop them off at my house that’s fine, but this is your petition that is now an order and we have a court date on January 24th. So, it’s not… this isn’t… this isn’t… ummm… me just being wrong again, this is what you wrote! *CLICK*

Our commentary: This madness never ends. This madness is what I’ve dealt with since 1994. This madness is what we’ve dealt with since 2004. This madness is what we’ll deal until who knows when. Some people crack “until the children are 18.” Reality is… it goes well beyond that. There are graduations, college, possible marriages, grandchildren… and as long as we are both alive - this madness will continue.

Not only does she read the order, she recites it into the voice mail and still doesn’t get it.

THE NEW YEAR’S HOLIDAY IS DEFINED AS DECEMBER 31ST THROUGH JANUARY 1ST.

The holiday begins in 2007. Father gets odd years. Normal people see this for what it is. Clearly defined. She has decided to interpret this as “New Year’s Day is 2008 - therefore - the holiday is an even year.” Except, Psycho, that the holiday duration is defined and it starts in the odd year.

Did I mention who had December 31st through January 1st last year? No? She did. The holiday as defined began in 2006. Did I mention who had it the year prior to that? No? I did. The holidays as defined began in 2005. Father has odd years, mother has even years. Does anyone who is not apeshit psychotic not understand this schedule?

PP is the never-married, 40-something sicko sister of the Psycho Ex-Wife. PP has been diagnosed as Bipolar. She has had several stays in a mental health clinic in the late 1990s after a weak attempt at taking her own life. She is an alcoholic. She may even be Borderline herself.

She fancies herself a know-it-all about everything all-the-while having succeeded at nothing. Professionally, she came close - but managed to destroy that and it’s been downhill ever since.

Some of her creepy background:

• She’s been in and out of one disastrous relationship after another. Can’t keep a man around to save her life, because she cuckoo. She’s as much a psycho as her sister.
• Has thrice stolen identities and never been held legally accountable. Stole the identities of her namesakes: her mother and two aunts (who didn’t press charges). She’s also declared backruptcy no fewer than 2-times, wrecked the credit of aforementioned family members, and at our last investigation (2-years ago) had roughly 2-dozen financial judgements against her.
• In one sexual relationship, with a cousin (how close a cousin, I can’t recall) - she became so obsessed with him that she began to stalk him. Dozens of phone calls per day. Sitting outside of his house and workplace. In one extremely bizarre situation - she claimed to have been pregnant with his child in an effort to “win him back,” but chose instead to have an abortion. That abortion never actually happened. She just made it all up and really played it to the hilt, trying to drag who would become an ex-roommate into the ploy, insisting that this girl took her to have it. When people tried to check out the story, the roommate wanted nothing to do with anything and cut all ties with anyone associated PP.
• Once had a nice job that paid extremely well - a “Regional Director” of a well-known computer and electronics retailing company. That much is true. She really had the leadership position over a significant quadrant of the United States. After rising high in the company to this position, she was caught embezzling from the company and stealing from customers and was given a choice - be arrested or resign. She quit. The best she has been able to do since then (about 10-years ago) was waitress, but was fired from many of those jobs for being drunk on the job. She is now allegedly a paralegal - but I doubt that highly.
• Was allegedly the recipient of a sexual proposal by PEW’s first husband, which ultimately led to the end of that marriage. Now, however, I don’t believe it. I’ve actually tracked the first ex-husband down, but haven’t had the guts to pick up the phone and call. He was also allegedly a raging alcoholic, but given the level of projection I’ve dealt with from PEW, I’d be willing to bet that there is a fantastically different version of events from his side. Should I call him? Tell me what you think with a comment. That could be fun or be a complete bust.
• Has vacillated between 120-pounds and somewhere at the high-end of 200s before having her first of two gastric bypasses in the late 90s or early 2000s. Still in the marriage at that point, I remember imploring her that she was going to die because she chose to put away cheesesteaks at a rate that a professional eater would envy. She figured, with the bypass, she could continue to eat like she was eating (a binge eater) and expect the weight to stay off. Instead, she fucked up the surgical results which saw her return to the hospital to have it corrected.
• She’s a drunk, in case I didn’t already cover that.
• She’d be drunk at work. Binge drink. Drink and drive. One time, the one side of her car was so fucked up that both right side rims were bent beyond repair. I confronted her about what the hell happened. She couldn’t remember. Really, she couldn’t. The night before, apparently, she went to a bar. Sometime between the time she was in the bar and that damage occurred - she blacked out. For all I know, she may have killed someone. At least once cited for public drunkenness.
• Her and PEW would have EPIC fights. I only wish I had recorded some of the voicemails left at my home for PEW, which sounded as if they were left by Satan himself… at least - that’s what I imagine Satan sounds like. These two fucking idiots would argue over who had a worse life and who wanted to commit suicide more times.
• Her current living arrangements are bouncing from relative’s house to house - including PEWs (which drives me bonkers but there is nothing I can do about that right now), her parents, and an aunt or two - the alcoholic ones.
• Ah yes… and an expert on everything and has now taken up her sister’s cause. As an alleged paralegal for a family law firm, her advice to PEW has been treated as expert and sound. PEW has lost pretty darn near every case brought before the court in the last 18-months as a result. I hope she keeps advising her.

Which brings me to one of her emails sent to me from PEW’s account prior to the contempt hearing. Everyone ready? She joined the fray during the Christmas 2006 debacle and here is her contribution to the issue:

12/23/2006, 1:46AM, written by PP (a.k.a. The Psycho Ex-SIL)

LM,

It’s PP. I showed the court order to the family law attorneys at the firm I work at and they said that the judge was not clear in regards to exchanges for holidays. You and PEW can both have any interpretation that you want but I can assure you that if you go back to court for “clarification”-since YOU were the one to move out of state and continually lied to the judge, over and over again, it will go against you.

PEW will NOT be at the [exchange point] on Sunday and you can show up at her door with the police if you want but there is nothing in the court order saying the police can do anything to her in any way. If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at your lawyer for not having the sense to ask the judge to spell it out PEW’s not keeping you from the boys, she just isn’t driving on a “holiday”-she is perfectly fine with driving her next scheduled turn. You can try to jam your OPINION down her throat like it’s law, as usual, but it still doesn’t make it TRUE. If I recall, several weeks ago she went out of her way to drive to be nice, when it wasn’t her turn, and this is how you repay her, as usual.

If these matters go back to court, we will bring up how you were non-compliant several weeks ago and made the boys drive HOURS longer than they had to just to spite PEW when you were in [paternal grandmother's state]. THAT IS crystal clear in the court order. Also, your insistence in moving S6 from a loving, caregiver-again, just to mess with PEW, when it’s CLEARLY in S6’s best interests to stay with [neighbor], will go against you badly-and just wind up costing you more money. We’ll also bring up how S9 works himself into a state of such anxiety when he’s going to your home for the weekend that we don’t know what to do for him. 48hrs of being weighed, measured and harassed continually about his weight sure sounds like a good time for an 8year old. Maybe if you’d just shut up about it, it would work itself out.

I know you feel like you had some kind of victory in court but the judge gave you the absolute MINIMUM she had to in every way. If your lawyer is telling you that you have any grounds on any of the above situations, I suggest that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and she just wants to continue to bleed you financially even though you have a losing case. Stop harassing my sister because we are not going to deal with your crap for the next 13yrs until S6 reaches 18. If you thought [PEW's attorney] made a fool of you and DW in court the last time, trust me, we will get somebody even tougher for the next round if you INSIST on continuing the nit-picking and harassment of my sister in this manner. This is the reason you two divorced, remember?

You are a disgrace as a father or you never would have moved to [home state] in the first place. All of your bull**** is your attempts to salve your own conscience about that decision. Let the boys get on with their lives, would you? In the least traumatic way possible at this point? You NEVER put the boys interests/feelings/concerns first-just what YOU think is best for them. Truly, I’m starting to think you are severely unbalanced based on the continual hounding of PEW via phone calls, emails, name-calling etc. I mean, I always thought you were unbalanced but I think you are so bitter over the divorce you have pushed yourself over the edge trying to make PEW PAY for leaving you and taking your SONS. Pull yourself together, DW. There is nothing more pathetic than a desperate man grasping at straws. It’s really very, very sad. I better not hear that DW is harassing my sister ever again or she’ll be in court for defamation of character, harassment etc.

You’re right, we’re done communicating about this. If you really want to see your sons for this visit, you better let PEW know when you’ll be HERE to pick them up.

Merry Christmas. PP

Our commentary:

I cannot begin to convey the level of projection in this email. Obviously, you think you only have my side of the story. You have hers, too. Just keep reading. The email above accuses me of doing/being everything that PEW is and does. It’s not just a “reasonably close” description - it’s dead on. Dead. On. Dead on. Two of the biggest points of projection are:

1. The Custody Hearings of October 2006 were a rousing success for me. When I tell you that I got everything for which I had petitioned except primary custody - I’m not lying. She fought every point on my petition. Granted, primary custody was a big one, but a whole bunch of important issues were addressed - all of them in my favor.
2. Her attorney made a fool out of no one. I kept calling him by his first name instead of “Mr. Attorney” and he lost his temper asking the judge to yell at me. (Believe it or not, it was not intentional.) And DW, who has extensive litigation experience, was rock solid on the stand. Uncrackable. And DW frustrated her attorney at every turn. That’s not an exaggeration.

This is what her family does - bully, belittle, project, threaten, blowhard, blowhard, blowharder.

The beauty of this email is that it was one of my exhibits and the judge has another one of her sarcastic moments towards PEW with it…

More Highlights from the Contempt Hearing of March 2007:

JUDGE: PP writes in this email packet an email to your ex, and it’s really — it says, “LM, it’s PP. I showed the court order to the family law attorneys at the firm I work at.” –What does PP do for the law firm?

PEW: She’s a paralegal.

JUDGE: Right. And this is an email that PP sent on your address, your email address, to LM on Saturday, December 23rd in the afternoon. Oh, I’m sorry, 1:46AM, so it was like Friday night, late Friday night. So she had talked about this case with the family law attorneys in her firm, is what that email says. PP then talked to you about what the family lawyers said, didn’t she?

PEW: You know what? PP lies a lot. I don’t know if she actually spoke to — I think she was trying to call LM’s bluff or something. I don’t know why she does the things that she does. But, I don’t really want to speculate on that. I didn’t ask her about –

JUDGE: You’re saying that PP didn’t talk to you about what to do if you’re not taking children that you’re supposed to take for a custody exchange, how to not be in contempt? She didn’t tell you anything about that?

PEW: I — yeah, I know what it means to be in contempt. I think it means that if I willfully, maliciously violated the court order, then I should be held in contempt. But that’s not what happened!

Our commentary: How about JC mocking PP’s advice (and lack thereof) to PEW, right there in the record? Again, I know the text doesn’t convey JC’s “‘tude” - but it was out there in all of it’s glory. A 60-something, 30+ year veteran of family court affairs, stopping only just short calling her a flat-out liar. She’s wearing her disdain for PEW right out there on her sleeve

Judge Contempt has PEW, and pretty much the rest of the dysfunctional fucktards that are her family, pegged. That’s good for me.

Buy enough t-shirts and I’ll spring for the transcript of the hearing in August of 2007 where PEW, again pro-se - takes Judge Contempt on mano-y-mano after filing a petition to have her recuse herself from the case! I’ll just make that complete clusterfuck a post in and of itself - no commentary from us. Frankly, as I sit here recalling that hearing, I know that there is nothing I can say that will do it any more justice than JC’s own words will.