The Psycho Ex Wife

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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder

by Authors: Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

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After having read this amazingly insightful book which gives a methodical look into the root causes of borderline personality disorder and the associated effects it has on the sufferer’s life and those who have attempted to have relationships with them, I am put in a position to present two separate reviews of Stop Walking On Eggshells. One review is of the creation and development of the borderline personality disorder. The second review is of the suggestions offered to the non-sufferers in managing their relationship, should they choose to do so, with the person who has this devastating disorder.

Authors Mason and Kreger likely could not have done better in breaking down borderline personality disorder; from its origins in the patient’s childhood through the chaos and terror that they suffer and perpetrate on others into and throughout adulthood. They provide invaluable information to the reader by identifying the behaviors, symptoms, and traits of the borderline person. Mason and Kreger do a terrific job of breaking down the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria into understandable language. If you have a relationship of any kind with a person suffering from BPD, this book could be considered second-to-none in helping you understand why they behave the way they do. Having suffered for more than 12-years (ongoing in the aftermath of divorce with children) – it was somewhat of a relief to find out that I really wasn’t going insane. I was not the cause of her drama and chaos. My often intense level of confusion left me questioning my own mental health and, at times, what was reality. Of particular interest where the excerpts of the thoughts and feelings of both the BPD and non-BPD throughout this book. If you’ve suffered such intense abuse at the hands of a BPD, their “thoughts” about how they feel and how they should be treated or understood can be a bit unnerving. Conversely, you will find some measure of relief as the non-BPDs recount their feelings and experiences.

In that regard, this book is a must-have if you need a comprehensive understanding of the person you’ve encountered who is or may be suffering from borderline personality disorder.

The second part of my review must be read with consideration that I’ve had a long-term and ongoing relationship with a now ex-spouse who I strongly suspect of suffering from BPD. I say that simply because she has never been professionally diagnosed.

If you’ve had any level of experience with a BPD sufferer, there is a lot in this book that will strike you as “easier said than done.” Worse, it might make you feel as the BPD made you feel - like you aren’t or weren’t good enough to handle the situation that confronted you so intensely. You may be offended.

Perhaps I was expecting a more sympathetic view towards the non-borderline and what I was met with were suggestions and coping mechanisms that were without a true sense of the level of suffering that has been levied upon the non-BPD. If this is you - the way in which these suggestions are delivered could rise to the level of offensive. If this is not you, it will be viewed with a vastly different understanding. The difficulty in practical application of these techniques is something that you couldn’t possibly fathom without having been “in the trenches” yourself. Offering a BPD’s viewpoint about how a non-BPD should be more understanding of their suffering and how to better handle them is tantamount to a perpetrator of torture telling their victim to understand better why they do what they do and how to accept it.

I strongly believe that Paul Mason and Randi Kreger needed to do a better job of conveying to readers that the “matter of fact” delivery of suggested methods of dealing with a borderline are impractical in day-to-day application and virtually impossible to achieve with a BPD when you are “under fire.” I know that this description sounds dramatic, but those who have been there would understand that language completely. I know psychologists who refuse to work with people having borderline personality disorder because of their level of chaotic, terroristic, and incredibly manipulative behavior. To expect an untrained person to handle it well under the circumstances is unrealistic. I also understand that there are those who don’t necessarily have a choice to avoid dealing with a BPD, for example, parents of a child with BPD. For those folks, these suggestions could prove to be a life preserver of sorts.

Overall, for a complete understanding of the development of borderline personality disorder, the impact on the sufferer, and the impact on those around the sufferer, this book should be at or near the top of your list.

~LM