About The Psycho Ex Wife
Have your own psycho ex? Get a FREE Report on "Why Co-Parenting Doesn't Work", or learn how to win child custody with a custody coach.
The Psycho Ex Wife is the true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who is strongly suspected of suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband’s new partner.
We are NOT anti-mother or simply pro-father, we believe all children deserve BOTH parents, unless there are serious issues which prevent one parent from providing a stable, loving environment. An environment where the children are encouraged to love and be loved by both parents.
We offer a view few judges will ever see. For attorneys, custody evaluators, guardians ad-litem, and judges, a custody case ends with their decision. They make a ruling and walk away with nary a care as to how clients can, and do, go against the orders they have handed down. They don’t have to deal with the ongoing parental alienation the children hear as soon as the losing parent goes home, the withheld phone calls due to a parents anger, the hundreds of e-mails, voice-mails and direct confrontations, or false abuse allegations, until of course one party files in court yet again. When a judge gets tired of “frequent filers” (a direct quote from our judge) they now have parenting coordinators to whom they hand off annoying clients. We wish we could hand the psycho ex-wife off, but alas, we can’t. We are stuck dealing with her and so you must suffer with us. (Ha! Just kidding, we have fun, too!) Yes, some of it will have a humorous slant, too.
We hope that by sharing our story, we will effect change in the divorce cartel. We don’t sugarcoat issues, although we do try to protect the innocent. You will read actual e-mails, transcripts, false child abuse charges, and custody evaluations, the result of over $80,000 in legal fees (not including the psycho ex wife’s legal bills) and 4-years of litigation.
We now include or will be offering soon: advice columns (from us and soon - from real experts), workshops, book reviews, tales from the real world (this means you), articles with review & analysis, and more! It is our sincere hope that our ideas, suggestions, and insight will be helpful to you, the ones you love, and who love you as you work your way through your own unique situation. We realize that these issues are not gender-specific and hope you’ll understand that our posts will very often be rooted in our own experiences. With that in mind, we hope you will stick around to the end - a lot of the information we offer is helpful to both genders!
October 21st, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Glad I found you guys..ready to enroll in any typeof crusade vs phsyco ex- wives…dealing with mine for 5 years!….false acussations of sexual abuse(classic0 , visitation cancellations( another classic from the book) etc….Gotta stop this!..America is going downhill because of this epidemic war aginst its man!….gotta rebuild our confidence…it will take at least a generation to get back to balanced court rulings..but we gotta start NOW!!…gotta keep this country being the #1 in the world…do not want to work for chinese!…Seriously , but all my resources are commited to keep my relationship with son , and defending and attacking this phsyco ex!!!
Let’s keep fighting..it is not for us..it is for our children!
October 24th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
here here. I have a leaching and bitter psycho ex girlfriend that I had a child with 1 year ago. With god’s help and my faith the child will be alright. I can’t begin to tell you how much raw emotion, manipulation, bitterness and vindication I have witnessed in the past year. I have been a loving, caring and supportive role model and father figure to her 3 previous born children whose dad never supported them. I have paid her countless monies, been brought under false allegations, and been given limited access to my son. Court ordered paternity instructions that I filed just to see my son are in place. what a joke the judicial system is in our country.She frequently dodges any and all things she wants to, makes situations present where her boyfriend of a few months is in quasi/pseudo control of her and recently stated I couldn’t talk to or see my son, what kind of mother lets this happen? There;’s so much more. I sleep good at night however because my god is bigger than anything she can devise. Takes a lot of energy to dream up the crap she does.
October 24th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
it is really obscene the way courts let this gals do whatever they want…be ready Jay to face , when you are allowed to see your son freely, acussations of molestation, abuse or both!….yes I know God will give each what they deserve , but in the mean time??The glorious day of your son’s childhood are going to fly and never get back!…unless you believe in reencarnation…I do!…..gotta make this a National movement against phsyco ex’s like they are doing in Chile…they are taking this issue to a Congress level….keep fighting and never ever surrender your son…he needs you!
October 31st, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I’m so glad I found this website. It absolutely boils my blood the way my ex-wife treats my husband and his children. I have a daughter from an ex-boyfriend, and I would be DELIGHTED to have him try and be HALF as involved as my husband is with his children. These women have NO IDEA what a real bad father is, or they would thank their lucky stars they didn’t give their children one. They won’t have to explain to their babies why they don’t have a Daddy and why Daddy can’t remember their name or their birthday or what size they are. It makes me sick.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:56 am
WOW!
There are 2 wonderful boys in the middle of all the garbage that ahe throws and it is so unfair what we have to put up with it - but even more unfair what she does to those boys!! The 12S is about at the end of ‘dealing with her’ and may end up here fulltime (they have 50/50) at his request.
I am so glad I found you guys!
I am the other half of someone going through dealing with a PsychSupreme BM ..actually - “his apprentice” as she has called me
Being able to relate? Heck it sounds like you know the Psycho Ex we are dealing with personally LOL.
As I have stated on other ‘places’ on the internet - it is a real mix of emotions finding others stories … while it’s comforting knowing “we aren’t the only ones” it is also disturbing knowing “we aren’t the only ones” lol.
I have bookmarked this site and intend to be back here often.
I am so sorry that you all are going through this but thankyou for sharing.
November 1st, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Nice response from all of you guys and gals….not all men are righteous but neither all women are!..I have been dealing with this situation for 5 years , my son was 4 , now he is 9!! When this whole mess started we used to talk about Thomas and friends , then it was Cars, Madagascar , and NOW it is the Presidential election our topic!…what am I saying ??..time flies and these phsycos do not realize that our kids will grow faster than they think , and they will leave them as soon as they realize how they act…but that really does not satifies me…why ? because in the mean time , life passes and time I have lost with my son will never be back!…we are immortal….for a limited time….now I see at FVC the new generations of kids comming , victims of all this Justice for all mess…in the interest of whom is this all made up??…certainly not the kiddos..that´s BS…it is all in the name of a out of control femminism…look out America…open up your eyes law Makers and Judges…our future as society is at stakes…do something and do it NOW!!…it is not for us fathers..it is for our kids and their future!!
November 2nd, 2008 at 7:11 pm
My husband and I have been separated for a year. Our separation was caused by his affairs and addiction to internet porn. He has always been loose cannon sort of a guy — you never know what he thinks or feels.
Our children are young adults at this point which is wonderful. Easier for everyone.
My husband has never been close to his children. People think that a cheating husband is just cheating on the wife but he is also lying to the children and is absent from the home. I can always remember the year of the first big affair. He missed our holiday picture in 1994.
So now he is seeing a girl (married 2 children) the same age as our oldest child. Instead of telling the kids himself he let them hear about it from friends.
And he blames me because his relationship with the kids is weak. The time to build a relationship with the kids is when they are young. He was always too busy for them. He is always angry and sullen about something.
When we separated I was just so releived — I felt like I had been walking of eggshells for a lifetime. I am so glad that I the children are old enough to see everything clearly for themselves.
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 pm
I can sympahtise with a lady like you Kathryn..there are some fathers that….well , you decribed it as you lived it better…however , that does not makes a reference to all men be declared guilty and then have to prove that we are innocent of charges we have ever never commited!…and the worst thing of all is that when you prove your innocence ( like me) , the courts just say…Nothing!…it is like inviting liars and accusers to do it again, and again!!…shame and punishment on those who deal with cheating and iternet porn , but what happen to us that have never done it and are accused of ” probably” doing it????..what happens to our lives , and our mental stability??? not even a sorry we get!!..there is where the problem is!….justice should be all about BALANCE…not leaning towards either side…before the game starts!
November 6th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I really really think that she is bi polar.. i know some of yall are just kidding, but i seriously think that the ex is… My husband and his ex were seperated for 4 years before getting a divorce 3 years ago.. you would think that she would have gotten over him by now, but she just nit picks on everything that he does… he has 2 amazing daughters and a wonderful son in which I love like my own children. It seems like everyday she calls him up to say yet another thing.. His oldest daughter is going into 6th grade next year-middle school… The elementary that her mother is districted in is great, but the middle school is the worst i have ever seen… the elementary is a magnet school.. and then the middle school has taks grades that are math-52% and science 45%—-thats the average… here lately the oldest has been talking about going to a middle school that her grandmother works at… the psycho told the oldest that she doesnt even know if she is going to be able to go to middle school next year… This would mean that she would have to come live with us– and she wants to– we live an hour away from where they do now… the oldest has ADD and has a difficult time in math, but we have not even recieved her first report card.. how the heck are u goign to tell an 11 year old child that she is not smart enough to pass!!! Father’s should have rights too!!! My husband is the most amazing father— he would do anything for those kids… What are we to do??? any suggestions!!
November 6th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I would recommend that the older one gets an advocate…she is getting to an age where her voice can be heard!…and must be…gee ,if they ( courts) think fathers are all screwed up, at least children sould be given the benefit of the doubt!…of course she is ADD…what other mean of defense does she have?? it is a a natural reaction to all this stress caused by the bi-polar phsyco!…Thank God that she has you on her and her father´s side…THAT MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE !….it will hard for court to pin down dad…now they will have to pin down 2! plus the girl!….God when will they open their eyes!…hope it helps.
Blessings
November 7th, 2008 at 5:45 am
How can an employed father of a toddler intentionally refuse to pay child support for 1+ years, but still say that that child is his 1st priority? The man’s wife of 10 years(who has never ever cheated on him and who was fatihful to her marriage vows) and mother of this child has been financially supporting their child all by herself. Doesn’t “Actions Speak Louder than Words”?
November 7th, 2008 at 7:40 am
They sure do. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding any individual situation (except my own and some others very close to me)… but it certainly could be willful or it could be for some other reason.
November 8th, 2008 at 11:06 am
There are some for sure!…but what about paying full amount , children not getting what they should get , but having to put some more $$ because ex supports somebody on the side , and then on top being acussed of child molestation , so she can get rid of obligations of taking child to visitation??,,there are some on BOTH sides!…not only fathers..that is the point!
November 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I have been with a man for 15 years now who has 4 adult children. Over the years , 2 of the children have told us that their mother was diagnosed as bipolar. They were told they must never tell anyone, and that includes the ex’s new husband. When the ex wife is on meds.. life is blessedly uneventful. When she is off its horrendous. And this has gone on and on for years. The kids now deny that their mother is bipolar and as adults identify with her personally.If Moms bipolar then so am I. Which we have no doubt the possibility exists. Their lives are very secretive, they visit occasionally but don’t share, the relationship has gone from bad to worst to better to ok back to bad - depending on the mindset of their mother at the time. We hear only a portion of the stories, most made up and all based on the view of a mentally ill mother. The worst part is that some of the lies told to the kids about their father have been repeated so often the adult children believe they were witness to it. After many years and an unprovoked attack by the ex my husband tried to talk to his kids about the situation. They lashed out at him and on me. My husband has had enough and is now ready to sever all ties with his children. We have worked so hard for all these years to keep the peace and keep the silence thinking that when the kids became adults they would see the truth… instead.. they have their own version of it whih is not based in reality. They deny ever telling us that she is bipolar and get very upset with us for believing it. They are very ashamed of the diagnosis and are fearful about their mother knowing that they told us. For those of you reading this with similar situations and younger children.. get professional help now. It will not go way, it will not get better on its own. I do not know how to help my husband hang in there.. or if he even should… His self esteem gets innilated with every interaction with his kids and the relationship is very unhealthy.. They accuse him of things and refuse to listen if he tries to offer his opinion. They seem to NEED to believe what they have been told and are not open to listening to him at all. He has tried to call family meetings.. they won’t come.. he has tried one on one conversation that end with the kids angry. He tries to focus the conversation on himself and his kids and they bring up their mothers old and untrue stories for which their is no way to defend without calling their mother a liar which he knows he can’t do. He limits his interaction with them , as they all live far away, and whenever he has interactions with them he is critisized for it. They don’t like his tone of voice, or if he invites them to do something with them, they complain the whole time. When they do visit they sit on the couch and watch tv or sleep the whole time. Children of bi polar parents should be encouraged to get counseling not encouraged to hide it and be ashamed of it. They then grow up into adult children of a bipolar parent and I fear it will be a very lonely existence… everyone that questions their mothers erratic behavior (because they dont know she is bipolar) gets cut out of their lives. They have become very cult like in their us against the world attitude and their complete closed mindedness to hear anything but what their mother tells them. If you are a bi polar parent and reading this.. please get your kids into counseling so they can better understand and function. Anyone who has any advice - please feel free.. we are desperately trying to hold onto some form of relationship with the kids (who all say they love their dad very much) but its become extremely unhealthy for him and I wonder is their ever a time a parent should give up? If you asked me that question 15 years ago I would have said NEVER… but believe me when I say we just don’t know how or what else to try anymore.. I’ve talked him out of severing all ties with his kids so many times and the situation just seems to get worse. Or maybe it seems worse because we have expectations of them as they get older that they are pyschologically unable to meet. Should I butt out and support his decision?
November 15th, 2008 at 4:11 am
I only scanned some of the content on this page, but I must ask: Is this truly how it is on the other side?
I am a 34 yr old mother of 2 who is divorced from the oldest’s father and I have been diagnosed with BPD. I was wondering if there is a group out there for “the psycho ex-wives” to go to, or a place on here that would make it easier for “us” to understand “your” perspectives.
The ex and I had our share of problems and both admit to partial responsibility for the demise of our relationship. However, our daughter was right about 6 when we split and she moved in with her father’s parents and it took 5 years for the divorce to finally be done and over with. It’s been almost a year and a half since the date the divorce became final with my ex-husband getting custody, and our daughter still lives with his parents. I have remarried and have a son now, and the timing seems very very bad, but I have often wondered of the question posted by Ellen: Is there ever a time a parent should give up?
The custody was decided outside the courtroom but took a lawyer for my ex to make a joint decision into a forced command. I knew I needed help and that my life was in turmoil. I also knew that my child needed stability. We decided that since I was having trouble finding and holding a job and wouldn’t be able to support her to the standards she was used to, that I should allow him to have custody and we would have bimonthly visits and no child support.
That’s not what happenned. By the date of the final hearing to dissolve our marriage, I had sought treatment, met someone new, and was quite pregnant and supposed to be on bedrest. I ended up having to take a bus across several states to make it to the hearing and because the divorce and custody matters were taking place in three different places, I had no lawyer. None would represent me and I didn’t have financial backing. He screwed me one more time~in court.
I still haven’t been able to hold a job. I pay child support to him and might get to see my child once a mo. due to distance (and gas prices.) Every trip at this point is made by me and I have to do it all on my own. I am even required to have supervised visitation with a 3rd party of HIS choosing and I have no say in the matter. (btw, that was a mjor event in the breakup of marriage.) My son will be 1 yr old in a few short days, and I have been an excellent mother for him. So why should I still be fighting the visitation and custody issues on my daughter? Is there a point that I should give up? She’s gonna be 13 next summer, and I barely know who she is any more.
I need help and guidance, and I’ve been reaching out for it. But noone seems to be able to guide me on these questions. It’s hard to fight. I despise the conflict. Sometimes I wish I’d never met the ex, but I know that I wouldn’t have a beautiful young woman as my daughter. Or do I? She tells me that she doesn’t want to be my child, or for me to be her mother. How does anyone handle that?
I love my daughter very much. I know I haven’t always been the best, but I have been trying to do better. I believe I’ve succeeded as does my new husband, who my daughter seems not to like. From the sounds of it, the creator of this site has had a bad experiance with his ex and I’m sorry for that, but it’s not just the “healthy” ones that have problems.
November 15th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Jennifer,
You have provided a very unique perspective on this very issue.
This isn’t necessarily how it is on the “other side” for all people who are involved with a BPD. This is only my story. Some have it much worse… some have it much better.
I will shoot you an email and post here in case you come back - a place that may prove very helpful for you.
http://www.bpdrecovery.com
I truly do wish you and your entire family the very best as you work through these issues.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Have a question for you guys….ex phsyco insists on allegations of sexual molestation to my son from me…I will go on and on throgh whatever they might want (CPS; POLICE ,etc) , and nothing will come come out because there is NO MOLESTATION WHATSOEVER EVER!…however i just found out that ex has a “friend” who is answering my son´s phone calls when he is with me…can someone help me to understand if she´s got a boy friend ,why she insists in harming my relationship with my son and try to separate us as much as she can??????
Thanks for any advice !
November 17th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Fernando, the easy answer is that she’s sick, twisted, bitter, angry… any number of adjectives.
The more difficult answer is the one we can’t give because we don’t know. We’re not her. We don’t understand all of the dynamics that went into creating and then dismantling your relationship.
Some people simply have it in them to do whatever it takes to try and make another person suffer as deeply and for as long as possible. Sometimes - that’s just the answer.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Thanks Mr M….having somebody to help us “understand” really helps!
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:51 am
[...] The Psycho Ex Wife is the true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who we suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband’s new partner. We are not simply anti-mother or pro-father … Read more [...]
November 25th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I would imagine that I am classified as the psycho ex-wife by of course, my ex and his then married, adulterous assistant. I have been told that the way they justify their relationship to others is to tell them I trapped him (we willingly had 3 children and no I did not climb on myself to get pregnant)and he stayed because of the kids (23 years of marriage). What I don’t get is she was married, having an affair with a married man, with 3 children and he was her supervisor and I am the one that is seen as psycho.
I don’t know why lying is easier than telling the truth. The kids 24, 18, and 14 (all boys) all know what he did and her part in it, however, he lied about how they met and how they knew each other, like I wasn’t in the picture at all to discredit both of them. He is still lying today about stuff he doesn’t need to lie about.
He was with her 4 years, he left 3 years ago and we have been divorced 2 years. To date she is divorced,no longer his assistant and they are living together for a year and has never met his mother. She will have nothing to do with the situation and the boys don’t want to either. He is disappointed in the boys if they do not accept her and do what he wants, controlling oh yes. The use of emotional abuse has run a muck and he fights so hard for acceptance and approval and to no avail. Is he a sociopath? I think so.
What does this tell the kids how to treat women and the lack of respect their father has for their mother and for that matter all women. I don’t get it.
November 25th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Crystal,
You can only be “classified” as a “psycho ex-wife” based on your actions… not the misguided notions of an ex-spouse who did what you report yours did.
It’s one thing to be labeled something… it’s entirely another to act like that label on a consistent, long-term basis.
I’m certain I’m a psycho ex-husband to the PEW… it doesn’t make it fact.
November 26th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
You are right M….your actions is what classifies you , not the “other”´s perceptions..now, lying is easier because is the root of all evils!! Truth is hell!
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I appreciate the input and I try to constantly think about what Father Frank told me during counseling, the people they tell their lies to and anyone who will listen, unless they are paying your bills, they are not important enough to think about. I sometimes wonder why I do not know why I cannot get at least this through my head. It is painfully clear that I have always seeked approval from others and as stated “other’s perceptions” are important, but to what extent. I know I have to be the bigger person and I try, but when is Karma going to kick in, really, when?
December 4th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Crystal..that´s the unethical and immoral part of this system…as alec said…who is the one that produces the money for everybody???..the liar!…attorneys, couselors,judges,bailiffs, police inc¿vetigators, CPS,DRO…etc….money, money, money….religion??…thye only care about money!( with few exceptions!)….keep fighting for what you love , there is when this karma is going to kick in!
December 5th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I have been married to a wonderful man for two years. We both have kids from our previous marriages. I have a good working relationship with my ex, mostly because we are both sane people. My husband has a total wacko for an ex and she, for the last year, has been taking him (us) to court to extend alimony and get more child support. He has paid for 7 years and is totally current. He had paid a few days late here and there so she took him to court for contempt of the divorce decree. He got 30 days jail, suspended unless he (us) are late again. Are you kidding me! The court system has nothing better to do than try to put good people in jail for being a few days late on child support. We are self employed and the money does not flow the way it would if you get a regular pay check but there is no room for us to pay even 1 day late!! Not to mention we have to pay her court costs for all of this. The ex is a paralegal and works 10 hours a week and we pay for all of her other expenses. This system is broken. Mothers, which I am one, do not have the right to ruin families and the courts are allowing this to happen. Where is the simple common sense and fairness?
December 11th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I typed in to Google “I married a man with a Psycho ex-wife” Believe me I was shocked to see your website come up….happily so. I married my dream husband almost 3 years ago. I got 2 bonus children, whom I absolutely Love & Adore…but with them came a mentally ill psycho ex-wife with Narsisistic personality Disorder, plus a whole lot of other DX’s. We have spent 10’s of thousands of dollars..over the years…we have had/have a restraining order for the past 3 years, which she always fights us on. I could go on forever…but won’t. I will be reading your story here online. PS it feels good to not be alone…Thank you! Linda
December 12th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
regarding net´s case…no wonder gm, chrysler, bank of america,aig , and countless other compenies are going bankrupt…america is nuts trying to put people in jail!..i really would like all those judges and para legals get the economy out of trouble getting a real job and producing something they can sell to the world instead for harming people that is indeed producing!…not all problems in life are solved putting people in jail!! wake up!..before it is too late!..or is it??
December 16th, 2008 at 2:18 am
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and have recently married. He has two beautiful kids G10 and B8. Whilst they can be hard work at times, I get along very well with them. Their mother on the other hand is pure EVIL!! She is actually psycho!!! She suffers from Psychotic Depression… but that’s something the Australian Family Court system doesn’t seem to mind too much about!!
We have spent $50,000.00 so far on litigation… just to get the kids less than half the time. We are always supportive of the kid’s relationship with their mum, but she is awful about us to the kids.
It seems the nicer we are… the nastier she gets. We are at our wits end. Every time we think it’s over… she pops up with some new rubbish to try to argue about.
And apart from fantasising about her getting hit by an anvil (loony tunes style)… there is very little we can do to change things. We just hope that the kids don’t follow in her footsteps.
Good luck everyone!! Looks like we’re not alone!!
December 16th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
This website is GREAT! When I met my husband, it took very little time for me to identify that his ex has BPD (I’m a nurse). But, it’s unbelievable to me that the gardian, counselors, lawyers, and judge not only refuse to address her crazy behaviours …they seem to be on her side most of the time. What would be extremely helpful would be to have some guidelines on dealing with someone with BPD. We have to push for my husband’s PEW to stick to agreements. (I think that is really important for this personality disorder.) When she goes against agreements or doesn’t get her way, she tries to get as many people involved as possible to justify her behaviour..and lies, lies, lies! Of course, it seems all of these “professionals” are more than willing to help her excuse away her bad behaviour. Someone, please have a mental professional post a list of “do’s” and “don’t do’s” on dealing with BPDs!
December 16th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Heh… I’m dead glad you’ve done this website and all that seems to be in it. I feel sympathy for your story and the plight that it portrays- for save the situation with the child, your story mirrors mine.
Your armchair diagnosis is probably spot-on; I was married for 11 years to a woman who’d had a child. Like daughter like mother- the child self-committed herself for cutting at the age of 18 in one of her more lucid moments and was diagnosed with Bipolar-Affective Disorder AND Borderline Personality Disorder. My ex exhibited the same behaviors over time and met 7 to all 9 of the DSM IV diagnostic criteria. She is to this day, even though we’re divorced, and legally so (She was too off in her own little world to realize she HAD to respond to the Citation in the divorce filing within a given time or she’d default)- she’s still slandering myself and a friend of ours; with things ranging from the friend is dating me/sleeping with me and living in “her” house, I stole her camping gear and renaissance festival costuming (”garb”) and handed it all to the friend, having attempted to rape two women at the campgrounds at one of the festivals, and having illegally divorced her.
It comes as no surprise to see a borderline personality disordered person acting the way you describe- I watched it play out with not just ONE person, but the daughter, the people she brought into our lives as “friends”, and the people that she decided were more fun to have sex with than myself. I’ve watched several dozen of these dramas play out as an eye witness.
People need to know that this stuff DOES happen.
People need to know that the stuff we’ve got as laws are more due to us listening to the insane than there’s a real problem present and someone’s pleading loudly enough because the problem’s real. By the time people realize the person’s “crying wolf”, the action’s been done and the damage has been done.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
No wonder the economy is broken!..50K,25K( my case) i´m out!….does not get the job done to get nicer…but neither to fight…kind of in the middle’ should I say??…the kids will realize who is right and who is wacky…but….in the mean time??….the law system is afraid of these BPD´s…..let´s do something before it is too late!
December 17th, 2008 at 5:27 am
[...] The Psycho Ex Wife is the true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who we suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband’s new partner. We are not simply anti-mother or pro-father … Read more [...]
December 17th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
we are pro sanity..that´s it. As simple as that!
December 19th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
the war continues..now she has filled for a PO for my son!…after she was denied several for her…dunno how long can i stay fighting…5 years and counting….how sick can someone be??
December 25th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Happy Holidays!….hope the faith continues to go on and change the biased legal system we live in….blessings to all of you!
December 28th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Wow this is like deja vu! My son and his daughter’s mother went through the same thing this Christmas. It never fails she wins no matter what. Nothing is more frustrating and draining than dealing with narcissistic sociopaths!!!!!
December 28th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
To avoid chmass blues and frustrations, my son and i celebrate chmass all year long!…the only way to get around careless rulings and devious mother strategies…very sad , but we have been left no other way around….that ´s the only way we can get over the endless hurdless put to keep our normal father-son relation!…what a shame…
December 29th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
I was married to my, now ex-wife, for 6 1/2 years straight out of highschool. We had a girl 5 years into the marriage. I had always suspected her to be somewhar “bi-polar” but never gave it much thought. After the baby was born it got incredibly worse. She decided to take the full 12 weeks FMLA which left me with ALL of the bills. Up until that point everything had been split 50/50 (we had the same job) Bills were starting to pile up (and I caught hell for it) and even though I wanted to spend every moment with my new little girl I had to do something. I started taking on as many shifts as I could just to make ends meet. That’s when it all started snowballing to our bitter end. Then, (according to her) I didn’t love her or the baby any more and I was having an affair with every girl on my myspace friends list and every girl at work. (again, supposedly) I eventually got fed up and realized that this wasn’t what I had signed up for and filed for a divorce a year & a 1/2 later. She was putting my job at risk by getting Loss Prevention involved at my work saying I was sleeping with employees she just didn’t know who… and this was after the fact that we were no longer together. I mediated with her divorce lawyer (I had to fire mine) and gave up our home and everything in it. All I wanted was joint custody of my daughter. My ex said that she would say or do anything to keep me from seeing my lil girl and she is still holding true to her word today (almost two years later) She uses her as leverage. She had a “child under 3 provision” put in our divorce decree, and I was only allowed to see my daughter under supervision. I pay $286 a paycheck which is 20% of my paycheck and carry health insurance on my child. She has a lot better paying job than me now and we have joint custody but I feel I’m getting the short end of the stick. Working hourly at a drugstore, that really doesn’t leave much to pay the bills. Now, it’s still like pulling teeth to see my daughter. And when I pick her up or drop her off, she has something to say to me like “don’t paint her nails, don’t do this, don’t do that.” I get to see her twice a week and only when it’s convenient for her. She has since remarried and tells people that my daughter doesn’t need me, that she has already found a replacement. I recently got remarried and I know that’s a big problem for her. She told me that she didn’t want my “now wife” spending too much time with my daughter, etc. etc. And today CPS came to my house to ask me why my 3 year old says “booby”. What the hell?!?!? ANYBODY! DOES IT EVER GET BETTER? Somebody had told me once that it might have gone better if I HAD cheated on her, that way there would have been a basis for her actions…
Sorry for the ranting. She’s done a hell of a lot more to me and my wife. I just needed to get some of it off of my chest…
All Psycho Ex-Wives Are Precocious Succubi Sent From The Depths Of Hell To Gnaw On The Souls Of Men!
January 1st, 2009 at 11:32 am
Michael , it is amaiing how , with very minor differences( boy vs girl , 3 vs 4 years old, lenght of marriage) but the coincidences are just unbeliavable!…there is got to be something in the air( or spiritual world) that has contaminated the spirits and souls of these ladies!!…the want to vanish ex hubbies from their lives no matter what!…now they are allowed by cps, dro´s,judges etc to get away with those accusations!….of course would have been better to cheat on that person..probablly she would have been satisfied on her devious desires…dont know…now , my question is…how long would it take her to do the same to the replacement(?) that she did to you??…nad how are you going to be able to keep and develop your relationship with your daughter????????? which at the end end is the only thing that really matters???
January 1st, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I have a question.. not sure if anyone knows the answer. My boyfriend (fiancee’) and I are having to deal with his psycho soon to be ex. He had me listen in on their phone calls where is says one minute that she wants him to step up and be a man and be responsible when it comes to the kids. He offers all the time to pick the kids up, gives her money for them, asks to spend time with them.. but she refuses and says she doesn’t want his help. She goes back and forth all the time. Now she is saying that she won’t let him have visitation because she doesn’t want ME to ever set eyes on “HER” kids. Can she legally do that?? I don’t think she can refuse him visitation, but can she have it written so that I am not to be in the house when the kids come over to visit even though it is my house?? By the way they live in NY. Anyone know the answer??
January 1st, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Michelle, while I have seen it, in rare instances, occur from time to time, in each case the couple was unmarried. Again, VERY rare. Does he have a legal, court-approved custodial arrangement with the ex? Reality is, during his custodial time, she has no control over who/where he and the children choose to spend their time together.
January 2nd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I’m in the same boat it appears. I brought a birthday card from my boyfriend to his son and since today is his birthday, I thought I’d give it right to his mother. I asked at the ** if she was working and he went back to look and out she came! That shocked me. I told her hehad given me the card to mail but since it was her son’s birthday today, he might like it today. Then I left.
She immediately called his mother and said that she was told by his family that we were engaged and there’s no way in hell Ian will ever see the card and she had ripped it into little shreds. She also said she asked me if I was one of his crack girlfriends and I told her I was an addict in recovery. LIES all of it. I was warned, but couldn’t possibly believe someone would do this to their own child. Oh well. It wasn’t like I looked beautiful or anything, my nose and lips were all red from blowing my nose so much and I have NO makeup on.
Ugh. Good to know I’m not alone.
I’m wondering if I should EVER marry this guy when he’s got this kind of ex.
January 7th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Phsyco x´s are so wicked and twisted that whatever they do is right( boyfriends, lying,cheating,abusing children) and no matter what ex hubbie does is WRONG…if they do not find anything wrong…bingo..they create situations that will at least cause lost time of “visitation”( I really hate that word…the non-custodila becomes a visitor , no more, in our chldren´s lives!…so this a matter of control….just that…”I want to control your life, through the children”…..and they do!!
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I have to reply to Michelle and Hoosier gal(and any other stepmom or soon to be out there) - I am in the same situation (or at least very similar). I married my wonderful husband 5 1/2 years ago knowing when I met him he was going through a messy divorce and that his ex was mean but had no idea what was coming! We have been in court every year for 6 years (counting before I was there - and 2008 was the first year without court or legal papers of any kind, only threats from her that led nowhere because she finally realizes she really doesn’t have a leg to stand on and if we do go to court, because of the way she has lived her life since the last time we were in court, she won’t end up with what she wants and really stands to lose more - but, that doesn’t keep her from trying to force us to do her will by demanding something and trying to start an argument and see if that will work). From reading this site I realize I have alot to be thankful for even though dealing with her as often as we have had to (which has gone in spurts and is always AWFUL!!) has finally taken a toll on my health, I realize from these posts it could actually be alot worse!! She is the most selfish, hateful woman I have ever met - but she has never stooped to lying about my hubbie or me, although that may only be because everyone in this community and all of her family know him and she knows they would never believe her! The worst she has done in that department is to project her own behaviors onto us (the twisted thing is that she actually believes it happened that way - when she says it or thinks it it becomes the truth to her and she’ll argue it to her last breath). She has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder - and anyone dealing with a person with BPD realizes there is no reasoning with them. We are blessed that she at least has the self standards to keep herself out of drugs but she jumps from man to man and house to house like it’s nothing - all the while dragging my 7y/o ss with her. She has never thought twice about yelling and cussing my hubbie out in front of their son and whatever she is mad about generally comes out of nowhere and is nothing to anyone else but her (and usually it hasn’t even happened but she assumes we will do something like she would do it and so gets pissed based on that assumption.). And, we know she has tried to coach ss on how to feel about us and to not want to come to our house and that she doesn’t hide how she feels about us at all (it’s hard for us to do that sometimes but we try very hard not to let him see how we feel or the problems she creates) My husband swears he could kill her with his bear hands after dealing with her for 10 years now (and I do believe he could since no one has ever made me feel so ANGRY as she can, and bitter for the things she has gotten away with that the court didn’t understand, and I daydream about fiery crashes or a call telling us one of her suicide attempts meant to get sympathy and her way has actually done the job!), the only thing that keeps him from it is knowing he’ll have to face God with blood on his hands - not that we obsess over her or this situation, most of the time we are able to forget she exists and it’s alot easier now that she has moved 2 hours away. Anyway, I wanted to say to the girls that there is hope and it is ALL worth it. The kids of those kind of women are bound for a life of instability and anxiety and their only hope is to have all the stability and unconditional love and rational examples of how to live while they are with the other parent. And, you CAN seperate your life with your husband from the life you both have in dealing with the evil ones. My husband and I have a great relationship, we’re happy, our kids (we have a 5y/o son together) are happy and know they are loved. My ss knows that his mom is the instigator in what drama comes up and he is beginning to not want her to come to his events or to even tell her about them (too bad the courts won’t agree). We fought for years - they had 50/50 with very frequent fighting and incidents of attempted control and emotional upheaval, then she up and moved to try and keep me away from his school/teacher (I was only dropping off papers at his preschool). It backfired on her terribly. She rushed into a marriage to make it look like that’s why she moved but she still lost custody (still has joint, darn it), he lives with us and visits her e/o w.e. and some time in the summers. We got it court ordered that she stay in therapy with her current therapist and the most important thing we got court ordered (I believe) is that ALL communication MUST be done via email!! That has saved so many verbal attacks and allowed us to have everything documented and forced her to be reasonable even when she didn’t want to so that she didn’t look bad. It is the number one thing I attribute to the peace we have most days now (besides the fact that if these people have enough rope they will hang themselves over and over again). She has tried several times to go around that order but we ignored/walked away from her or simply said “email” and walked away and then as soon as we got home we sent an email documenting in a calm,factual way what had happened and what she had said and reminded her what the court order said. She hated it but has since at least gotten used to it and likes to think she’s smart enought to catch us up in something but never can because we are very careful to be writing every email as if the judge is going to be reading it…there’s a good chance that someday she might. Anyway - if the man is worth it then it’s all worth it - we know the kids are worth it and we are their only hope for a happy, well adjusted life!! Just make sure you have a way to release stress (exercise works for me, and venting by writing), and that you do not allow yourself to dwell on that person or what they have done/may do past having documented it, when you are done writing that episode is over, that person no longer exists until the next thing you need to document, or after you step out of the courtroom take a breath no matter how it went, talk it over with your attorney and know that just by having gone to court you have laid another brick in the road - you have your wonderful life and family to go enjoy - tell yourself it doesn’t matter what they do or say they can’t touch you, your family, your life or your peace and joy. At least these are the things that have worked for me - and I realize our case has gone better (which I attribute to the power of prayer and faith which allowed God to work on our behalf)than some have because some do have bad judges, but you can only control what you can control and the rest has to be let go and moved on from for your own health and sanity. Parents have rights up until the courts take them away and if you still have joing custody no one can tell you you can’t see that child or what to do when you have them - whatever teh PEW says is just wind blowing (just make sure whatever you do won’t get the kid in trouble when they get back to the evil one if possible since they have no problem using them - but write it down if your kid tells you they got reemed and send an email on the issue to the ex letting her know you know and it won’t be tolerated). Sorry, this has gotten incredibly long and so I will sign off with one more thought for what has helped us immensely - DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. I send ourselves emails and keep them in the same file as all the ones between us and her, that way it is time and date stamped. It’s a good place to vent as well. Our next step, if she forces our hand and files a petition for something will be to bring in an expert witness to inform the judge on what BPD is and how it is virtually impossible to share custody positively with those people. My goal in writing was to offer those ladies, and anyone else, some hope in these situations - it may take awhile and it may get worse before it gets better, and it may never get better (depending on the judge) but it will always be worth it because at least you can say you did everything you could to protect them and will continue to until they turn 18…they may never understand your sacrifice or thank you for it but you’ll KNOW you did/are doing the right thing and all you can for them. Good luck to everyone and may God bless the kids in the middle!!
January 24th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Hello! This is a great site and a great comfort for people like me to know that I am not alone. I am the wife of an amazing, loving husband and have two bonus-kids, both young boys. My husband’s ex is a complete lunatic and has done everything in her power to get revenge on both me and her ex. She wavers on who she focuses her anger on and in general I am her target. My husband was one of my best friends and I was secretly in love with him while he was with his ex (whom he never married), but I respected that he had a girlfriend and so never, ever crossed a line and kept my feelings completely hidden. Well, my husband was secretly falling in love with me as well and this was compounded by the fact that he was completely miserable with his ex and only staying with her for the sake of their two kids. She had gotten pregnant against his wishes both times (he left her, but shared custody of his first son, and was separated from her for about six years). When he agreed to try again with her, very clearly and honestly for the sake of their son, he made her promise that she would take birth control (which he paid for) and she lied to him and immediately became pregnant again. He felt too depressed and trapped to leave her at the time and felt like he was just living for his sons and putting up with her until they were older and understood the situation and he could leave and not devastate them at a young age. His ex constantly lied to him, hid a promiscuous past that put him at risk for stds, and was just a bad match for him. He comes from a really nice, great, loving family and she comes from a scary, dysfunctional family that can only be described as white trash. Two of her siblings have/had heroin problems and she allowed the children to be babysat by them, knowing they had drug problems (my husband did not know about this at the time). She is really stupid and uneducated and after trapping him with her pregnancies she completely let herself go and became overweight and wears clothes that would be rejected from Goodwill. She is a slob and spills food on herself and doesn’t notice. Her house is filthy and she doesn’t ensure that the kids take regular baths, brush their teeth, get haircuts, etc…She herself is completely disgusting (and happens to be remarkably ugly) and she models a total lack of self-care for the kids. She feeds them junk food, encourages their temper tantrums and gives them whatever they want. Both kids are good kids, but both have severe behavioral problems due to her horrible parenting. This was the main reason my husband left her (in addition to being repulsed by her mentally, emotionally and physically). He wanted to give the kids a stable home and work with them on becoming happy and emotionally stable and well-behaved. They have improved by leaps and bounds by the love and structure that they have in our home, but we still constantly have to fight against her negative influence. Instead of spending time with her kids, she puts them in front of the tv and lets them play endless video games. The other day, the oldest told us that he estimated that he had played 8 hours of games in a row. She doesn’t want them to read and sees that as my “evil” influence because I told her that I want them to be well educated and go to college someday if they want to. She is intimidated by me and thinks anything I do, even if it is positive, is evil and an attempt to steal her children’s love from her. She is psychotic when it comes to the kids and clearly uses them as pawns to try to hurt my husband and to lash out at me as their step-mom. They really like me and that sticks in her craw worse than anything. Other than the kids, when my husband left her, she refused to believe it and even though he explained that he was leaving her regardless of his new relationship with me working out or not, she was in complete denial and called me a “filthy home-wrecker” among more abusive and nasty names. She accused my of “seducing” her husband even though are getting together involved a mutual confession of feelings (initiated by him AFTER he had broken up with her). We had a long serious talk about our future and the implications of our decision on the kids and she accused us and me specifically as destroying her whole life and ruining her kids lives forever. She went completely nuts and tried to make “rules” such as the kids couldn’t meet me for three months. She was very unstable and my compassionate husband did everything he could and spent hours letting her rant about us, hoping she would get all her anger out. She did tons of illegal things that constituted harassment and I almost got a restraining order. She saw none of her behavior as wrong because she felt that I “stole her man” and therefore she could be as horrible to me as she wanted and be justified. When we got engaged, she had people spying on my myspace page on the internet and found out that way and called my husband, screaming and threatening to tell me that she had tried to seduce him recently. She’s so crazy that she didn’t realize that I knew about her seduction (pathetic and gross) attempts and that it just made her look crazy, degraded and pathetic and had no reflection on my husband (who handled it as well as he could). When we got married, she seemed in shock, but told us that we were getting married just to hurt her (narcissistic personality disorder maybe?) and has continued throughout our happy marriage to predict our divorce and tell her “friends” that he will come back to her some day. She is completely obsessed with him even though she showed no signs of it during their relationship. She confessed after their breakup that she had “just known” from the first unplanned pregnancy that they were meant to be together forever and than nothing could keep them apart. She didn’t tell him this during their six year separation and only told him this after he finally left her for good and married another woman. She used the kids and custody classically to get revenge and fortunately we got 50/50 so that little revenge plan didn’t work. She really has nothing left except nasty comments and we are beginning to think they are funny. She is still completely insane and we believe that she has borderline personality disorder among others, but our lives are happy and stable and it does get better. If you have a good husband that can set clear boundaries and keep them and puts your marriage first that you will have stress, but make it. We are extremely happy despite the craziness and planning on having our own child when the kids are older. Anyway, that’s my story in a nutshell and I just wanted to give encouragement and support to the other woman who are experiencing similar things. Stand up for yourself, put your marriage/relationship and the kids first and don’t let the crazy ex get to you. They are pathetic, angry and alone and they just want to hurt others and get attention. The best thing you can do is ignore the nasty insults and behaviors and follow court processes for serious transgressions or anything that endangers the kids or you or your husband. Good luck out there!! Keep up your spirits because it does get better!
January 29th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I appreciate this website. I know that my hubby and I aren’t alone in dealing with his ex-wife. But, sometimes you tend to forget that. His ex-wife has done everything from following us around town, driving past our house, sitting on the other side of the fence at my hubby’s parents house just to watch us with the kids, to getting on her knees and telling their children that she is one of my children and teaching them to beat up my kids. She’s very scary. She mentally abuses their four boys to extremes you wouldn’t believe. The problem is they bring it to our house and into my kids lives. At one point I was afraid to leave his kids with mine b/c she has told her kids to beat mine up, so the boys tell us and we confronted her and she said she did do this. Now, she’s trying to convince them one at a time that they have a mental disorder. The oldest she told him that he has a learning disability and needs help, the second to oldest she’s told him he has a mental disorder and it’s ok that when he’s violent, the third she’s told the school he has ADD, and the baby she just tells him he should hate us. She has taken it as far as telling the school that the kids have something wrong and had all this testing done just for the schools to tell her they don’t see anything wrong with these children. We just tell them there is nothing wrong with any of them regardless of what their mother tells them. Other than that we don’t talk about her at all. We leave her out of all discussions. But, this is putting a strain on our marriage. I have a daughter who has recently become very ill and has had 2 week hospital stays and multiple dr visits and I just can’t handle his ex-wifes crap right now. Any suggestions on how to keep her crap that she does to his kids from effecting us right now? We are very encouraging to the boys and would never be anything but. Is it wrong to ask them to keep mom’s issues at her house unless there is something wrong or bad going on? We just don’t want to hear it anymore. My hubby has fought for his kids with the school’s and they told him as long as one parent agrees to what they want to do then they don’t need him. And she keeps moving them from school to school b/c the school’s are figuring her out. She’s asked to move out of the county so she can move them to yet another school and he told her no. His oldest hasn’t been in the same school twice yet and he’s in fourth grade. Trying to keep my spirits up but not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
February 9th, 2009 at 3:12 am
[...] The Psycho Ex Wife is the true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who we suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband’s new partner. We are not simply anti-mother or pro-father … Read more [...]
February 9th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
My godson just divorced the “tart without a heart” last week. She has denied him access to his children, ran up his credit cards and had child protective services visit him and his new girlfriend today.
It boggles my mind that a woman could go so far as to literally quit work to devote so much time keeping a father from visiting his kids when so many men would just say: “to hell with it. I’ll just have to wait until the kids are of age.”
I am a woman and do not understand where these women get off doing that? I wish that I could help him but I live in another state halfway across this country and cannot fund him with an attorney.
At some point he must have been worth something to the beastie thing because she risked her life twice to bear his children. If he was so terrible she would not have gotten pregnant over six years apart.
Has anyone won joint custody in a situation like this?In southern Cali?
February 13th, 2009 at 12:57 am
My husband’s ex-wife is the craziest PSYCHO on earth. She NEVER sleeps with her EVIL, manipulations, and psychotic agenda with their child as a weapon. It is sickening. And, while I love my step-daughter, I can’t help but feel if it wasn’t for her my marriage would be wonderful. Our quality of life suffers, going thru constant torture. It’s a horror I would not wish on anyone. I do hold resentment, and at times (though I know the child is innocent) I can not interact with his daughter with a pure heart, happily of freely. I am sure the chidl can sense the sadness and possibly the wall I sometimes put up. The child knows her mother is crazy. The Courts support the mother at all costs. The only time these psycho exes meet justice is only after they have murdered the husband and his new wife. Then, all of a sudden, the signs of obsessiveness and all the stalking is truly addressed. We have no right to peace or a life….she’s got that child and that is all that matters to the Courts…To Hell with all others.
February 16th, 2009 at 12:22 am
I really think I must take the prize, my husband was married to the queen of the psychos, and Im starting to wonder if hes caught some of it!!!!!
Ours is the stuff movies are made of, infact we often joke about one day there being a movie made about this case and have even discussed who will play each of us. (Cathrine Zita-Jones for myself and I think Steve Martin, or sean connery for my husband and Courtney Love for the Psycho!!! or though my husband is not happy about steve martin.Ha ha….. oh well you have to be able to laugh sometimes don’t you?
Im afraid this story is really twisted but involves, sex, lies, a prostitute, a boyfriend that has been in the psyciatric hospital as a pediphile, four tries at laying sexual abuse charges, attempts to lay psychological abuse charges, cases being throwen out of court, cases not getting to court etc…. etc……etc…..Over $400,000 in legal fees, a ruling by the human rights commision in geneva, and still no access to children and its still going.
February 16th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Sean and Courtney married when she was 21 and he was in his late fourties. She moved into the home that he had inherited from his father. The bussiness his father had started, that he now runs is situated on this property. They were together 16 years.In 2000 they were experiencing problems, Courtney was going out all nightand not returning until after 4am several times a week, leaving Sean to look after the children. This led to arguments and harsh words coming to a head. One morning when Courtney arrived home at 5.30am they argued and out of frustration Sean threw a water glass into the fireplace smashing it. Courtney used this incident to take out an interim protection order against Sean but continued to live in the home with sean and the children for a further three months. She then announced that she needed some “space” to “sort herself out”,and that they would go out for family outings etc… Sean bought her a brand new microwave, washing machine etc…. As well as her taking all furniture etc..that she wanted eg tv,beds,sterio,video etc…On top of this she asked if he could see it in his heart to continue paying her her weekly allowance until her welfare payments came through. She had been recieving this from him for the whole sixteen years they had been together.(Shes never had a job in her life)All this he did thinking they could work through what ever problems they might have and would get back together. Mean while he was turning to his best friend Dick for advice and support.Dick was having problems of his own financially and couldnt afford to register or warrant his car etc…so Sean offered to pay these for him to help him get back on his feet.During this time Courtney would return to the house when Sean was known to be out and removed all the family videos and photos including the ones of Seans parents,grandparents etc… She then went to his office and removed all the negatives as well as taking the car registration papers which she later changed into her name and sold. Well you guessed it, Courtney had left to be with Dick, Dick had been giving Sean all the advice under the sun about not going to lawyers etc.. by this time the protection order was past the time of appeal, she had moved out and thats when all of the bills started arriving. It turns out that in the last month before she moved out she and dick had been using the orderbooks from Seans family business to stockpile groceries, furnishings, petrol vouchers etc……She then stopped Sean from having any access to the children unless Dick supervised the visits. When Sean protested about this his lawyer said..”well if you don’t agree to this you won’t get to see your children before christmas”, so he accepted it. Dick supervised the visit in a provocotive manner and constantly tried to bait Sean with comments, luckily Sean is a gentle giant and didn’t raise to the bait.(I don’t know how he managed this) at the end of the visit Dick told him that Courtney said he was only aloud to give the children one christmas gift each.But that he,Dick would see to it that the children got the rest of the gifts at christmas. Courtney continued to resist any other person except Dick to supervise the visits between Sean and the children this was especially heart wrenching to Sean as this was the person sleeping with his wife. Sean decides to take a small pocket tape recorder to tape Dicks comments to prove Dick was being provocative. This is evident on the tape but what is puzzeling is one of the children calling Sean “poppa” he says “what did you call me?” they say “thats what mum and Dick said we have to call you” This becomes important later on as in four years the children will refer to their dad as Mr Connery and will nolonger be calling him Dad.(they had always called him Dad, and this is only four months since they split up.)Finally Sean gets neutral supervised access organised through Barnardos. He gets one visit. This is when I meet him and we start being seen around town together. When he goes for his next visit she cancels it saying
they are going away for a holiday, then when the next one is due one of the kids is sick, then theres another excuse, then he gets one visit but hes not aloud to talk about what the kids do at home, what they do at school etc….. Then she acuses him of whispering to one of the little boys.Sean is a very softly spoken man,and as it turns out the boy has glue ear and needs gromits, which she decides not to get and that she will treat the problem herself.Finally Seans Lawyer says if she tries to obstruct the next visit the police will be called.the day before the visit the police turn up at Seans company and arrest him as Courtney has made a statement that one of the children has confided to Dick that Sean has sexually abused them. Of course all visits stop, Sean is interviewed, Courtney and children are interviewed, children see psychologist. After nearly a year the Police say they are not laying any charges, there is nothing to lay charges for!! Just when visits are due to be resumed, within weeks… “oh the child has remembered more” another year….children are interviewed again, children are examined internally, police come back with a letter to say there is no evidence of sexual abuse and that there will not be any charges layed…yep she even tries this whole thing a third time and yes it stalls visits again.And no the police never lay any charges. Meanwhile Dick and courtney are putting those children through hell, they are putting the kids in the car and at times driving for up to an hour to be in places they know Sean will be at a certain time (he goes to the same church every week and has been going there for elevin years) and then ringing the police to try to lay breach of protection orders. They tried this FIVE different times in five different locations and only one ever got to court and then the judge dismissed it.They have tried psycological abuse (that was throwen out of court) They have tried breaking the family trust (this is for the bussiness that Seans dad started 55years ago that Sean inherited) The business has been audited this didn’t get them anywhere. We are still getting regular prank phone calls. Our friends are getting the same prank phone calls. One of our friends is a school teacher and someone rang up and left an anonamous call that did they realise that they had a pediphile at their school!! Sorry Ive been raving here but its just so frustrating and THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING, you wouldn’t believe how these two have evolved. I think of them as a virus that keeps mutating and every time they get knocked back they just figure out how the system works and tries another tact. This has been going on for over eight years, Dick is collecting a sickness benefit and Courtney is on a sole parents benefit, getting legal aid for all her legal fees so can continue bringing litigation while Sean has to pay to defend himself against these constant allergations.He has spent over $400,000 dollars so far in legal costs and its still going.Sean says that the legal system is wrong and he feels sorry for all those dads out there that can’t fight for what is right and have to give up fighting because they can’t afford too. He has even taken his fight to the human rights commission in geneva and won!!! But thats all in the rest of the story as I said you wouldn’t believe it.The good bit is, even though we didn’t buy groceries this week as we can’t afford too with all the latest legal bills we have the most fabulous vegi garden that we spend our weekends in and this weekend Sean has spent it building me a small green house for valentines day.
February 16th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I just want to comment on something Stepmom has said:
“These women have NO IDEA what a real bad father is, or they would thank their lucky stars they didn’t give their children one”
Agreed! Most of the stories we hear in the media are unfortunately stories of dead-beat fathers. So many divorced men take very good care of their children, often taking up brunt of the care, while their ex-s complain and sit on their asses or trying to undermine these men’s lives. I see this every day with my boyfriend. She pushes her daughter every opportunity she gets, she claims that she cannot take or pick up her daughter from school because she had to work late, yet she tells my bf at every opportunity she gets to what a bad father he is. He takes care of her 90% of the time, the mother has the daughter on the weekend, so she does not do any of the dirty work. She just goes shopping with her daughter and to the zoo. Well, it’s easy to do when you don’t do anything else. She doesn’t even cook.
I see it other places. I used to work with a guy who raised his daughter on his own becasue the mother was a junky.
February 17th, 2009 at 3:01 am
Response to Angelia, it does happen in southern cali. My husband has sole custody of his three children. It’s expensive, time consuming, exhausting, and emotionally draining. Sometimes it hard not to blame the men for choosing such evil women. The best advice i was given is document everything, letters, e-mails, phone calls, money exchanged, everything. These women believe they have the upper hand and they really act with entitlement and righteousness. They are their own worst enemy. Try not to let it consume you, this battle and the ex has been a thorn in my side for over 10 years.
February 17th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Just found this site — WOW. Same thing, slightly different cast of characters, only 1 kid (13yo), never married, more money (I’m well into 6 figures now).
After dealing with my own PEW (Girlfriend, “PEG” in my case) for 13 years, the experts are finally all aligned. Minor’s Counsel, Therapist, and Mediator have each filed reports recommending sole legal to me and supervised visits only for PEW until she enters and progresses in therapy. When the report from Minor’s Counsel came out, it was scathing. I was practically moved to tears reading it. They finally GET IT!
The custody hearing, which has been continued repeatedly for nearly 2 years, was scheduled for this past Friday. Family members flew across country to witness the proceeding. Two hours before the hearing, we get a phone call and learn from my attorney that the judge was rushed to the hospital with chest pains that morning. My first thought was “how did she manipulate the judge into a heart attack?”
Now we have to wait until April. Sigh.
Thankfully, the judge transferred primary physical to me on a temporary basis a few months ago. At least our daughter is somewhat removed from the toxicity of BPD exposure.
I am so excited I found this blog — so much reading to do!
February 17th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I googled restraining order against spouse ex’s gf, and found this site.
My husband and I have been married for 6yrs. We share a 2 year old, and he also has an autistic child from his previous relationship, they were never married.
The PEW im dealing with is over the top psycho! Before my husband and I were married, her and a friend of hers attacked me, i ended up getting 11 stiches just above my left eye. Lately i’ve really been regretting not pressing charges against her, maybe if i did none of this would be happen till this day. We’ve literally gone back to court every single year since getting married because the ex is never happy with the court order. Theres always something she’s unhappy about or simply just wants to manipulate. Lately i’ve had enough that i’ve started to be a mean person too and not just the supportive wife to my husband. What kind of a wife am i to stand back and let this biatch cause an extreme amount of anxiety and stress to my husband. PEW has asked me countless times to meet up alone, and i’ve declined all invitations. I have even begged her countless times over the years to leave us alone & to limit her contact with me and my husband. I love my husband, i’ve stood by him despite how hard its been for me. But now i worry what it will do to our daughter, will she have to grow up being in this environment to have her brother’s mother constantly causing our family greif. It makes me so sick to see this PEW hug and kiss my daughter when she see’s her. She’s fake and full of evil. And i have no clue where she thougth she was comfortable enough to even get close to my daughter. She doesnt do it infront of me, but im told she does when she see’s my daughter at my mother inlaw’s house.
Im happy to have found this site, im tired of feeling like no one else understand the kind of life my husband and i are living. I hope one day PEW will move on to a new obsession and leave us alone.
For anyone that knows. I was attacked by the PEW 7years ago, i have also called the Police a couple weeks before our wedding because i was sent an ananoymous email saying it would rain blood on our wedding day. When police went to her house she denied everything. And nothing really came out of it besides the ananoymous emails stopped. Is it too late to use this to file a restraining order against her? The more we ignore the more pushy and angry she gets, that as much as i hate to admit this, i am terrified of her. DO we have to have a good physical evidence to file a restraining order?
I just want PEW to leave us alone and understand that just because my husband and i have a relationship with her son does not mean we owe her anything or need to have a relationship with her too.
February 17th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Fed up, I know how you feel. I have to say I don’t like going into town by myself incase I run into the PEW in our lives. Infact I have just seen my husbands PEW an hour ago while going in to pay an account.
There was no parking space infront of our post office so I hung a right around the corner into a side street….still no parks so went right into the next street thinking if I get a park in this street I’ll just walk through that ally back to the main road and then I saw one, “sweet theres a park” I indicated and swung straight in feeling that sense of achievement at finaly getting one (as you do). Well blow me if shes walking right past that park as I pulled in. I honestly wasnt looking at the people on the foot path I was looking for a park so got quite a shock to see her there. She just shot me with one of those evil death ray looks of hers.Theres nothing quite like that initial feeling of sickness and fear that overwhelms me, my hands shake and my palms sweat when I see her.I know its irrational as she has not hurt me physically, but in the past she has yelled and screamed and verbally abused me, including outside my husbands church and also once in a local charity shop. But its the the amount of financial devastation she causes thats harder to cope with. She will go home now and write up some kind of twisted version of what she thinks happened with all her fabrications added in and then its her word against mine. (she gets legal aid, we don’t) As I said before she is such a psycho she thinks if she sees anyone known to my husband they are obviously stalking her and she goes and tries to lay charges against HIM!!!! Sometimes I wonder if its all worth it, I wouldn’t recommend this situation to anyone. Maybe I’m the psycho one for putting up with all this crap. My dh often comments that its not her, its her dead beat boyfriend brainwashing her into doing all these terrible things. (One time he even said he thinks shes been hypnotised!!!!) NO YOU FOOL ITS HER BECAUSE SHE HATES YOUR GUTS!!!! Of course I don’t actually say that.But it makes my blood boil. Im sick of being nice about it.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Has anyone had experince with the bf’s PEW who wanted withold the child until she did a home inspection? In fact she kept demanding to see our house and refused to let the child stay over until she did. She had no court order or anything like that. She pulled that once, when we moved in together, my bf showed her the house and the child new room. She saw that we just got a new bed for the child and she immediately started demanding that my bf buys a new bed for the child at her house too. Among other things. My bf takes care of the child about 95% the time. He takes her and picks her up from school, makes her dinner etc…then drives her to her mothers house. The mother never picks her up or takes her to school. She does not feed dinner to her. She is a negligent and emotionally disturbed individual who should be taking her psych meds. She refuses to go to therapy. She controls and manipulates the child, yet she has already lost control over her. The child hes no respect for her. They have screaming fits.
Two years later we moved again and she demanded an “inspection”. I put my feet down and told that I do not want that toxic PEW anywhere near our house. She had no legal grounds, she just wanted to stick her nose into our business. It is one thing to be civil, which I have tried very hard from the beginning, but all she wants to do is revenge and blame. In a normal situtation, I think I would have no problem letting the bio mother come and visit on limited basis, but she is not a normal person by far.
March 1st, 2009 at 1:47 am
Its ironic and depressing to read so many many posts about PEW’s. My live-in mate of 10 years(we are not married; he will never do that again) has one - and we’ve been dealing with her for 10 years. I don’t even have to repeat all she’s done - I simply can point to the many emails in here and say ‘ditto’. From breaking in to our house and attacking us, to stealing over $80k from his business account before we could close it, to physically abusing his son by beating with a wooden spoon, making both his son and daughter read books that corporate punishment is showing love; to calling the cops on him during his visitation weekends to say he is kidnapping them and taking them out of the country, and on and on and on.l Yet, the court system and social services continues to let this b**** have custody.
The kids are so mentally messed up, they don’t know what is up or down. They come over like “PEW secret agents”, reporting everything back to her when they visit (she sits them down and interrogates them after they get home), so she can twist events and poison them against him.
He can’t see his daughter any more because the sicko narcissictic, walking personality disorder PEW went and ininusated to social services that he was sexually abusing his daugheter - false, but that pretty much did it for him. End of seeing his daughter. As he put it….he’d sacrifice his soul for his child, but not so that some vindictive miseralbe f’ed up woman can get some sick joillies out of it. So now he only see’s his son - yet the mind-games continue.
The court systems are horrid; there is no advocate for the children. We had a mediator/visitation expeditor for awhile - who actually sided with the PEW!! Well, that is until she finally after almost a year of begging, spoke with and found out about the sick insinuations the ex was doing to the father. Yet, even then the expeditor didn’t recommend anything to the court, just washed her hands of it all.
She slept with her lawyer (yep, we’ve got proof) on/off for 4 years for “services” and dragged us to court constantly, every year, 6-9 months every single year dealing with that all. Now she found someone online, moved over 50 miles away, and picked up and moved in with him in the courts of 3 months. Pulled the kids out of school and gave zero notice to them, then told us via email a week after she moved.
We went to their schools, only to find out that the b***** had put her new boyfriend’s name as the 2nd emergency contact, and did not put the father’s name anywhere. Last month, that same boyfriend who the kids barely knew for a month before they were up and amoved - decided to physically push around his son and has been intimidating him ever sense.
The kicker - she’s manipulated, emotionally abused, and physically abused both children. So neither has a backbone to stand up in court on it - they are petrified and just are not mature or emotionally strong enough to stand up in court. Without that, we’ll never win anything in court.
So to that earlier blogger who said ‘he is giving up’. I feel for you and your hubby - my man has gotten there. He will not see his daughter at all, until she is grown and away from her mother’s sick control. He is almost in the same place with the son - the kid is so wrapped up in the lies and manipulation done by his mother, that he is starting to do the same sick behaviors.
So, now 12 years into this; 10 of which I’ve been with him….we have cut all communication with the ex except emails and only related to visitation. Her move 50 miles away, has helped in that. My kids are grown and on their own; and I too resent this constant financial and emotional drain on all our lives. We’ve given up, we fought and finally won some changes in court - but nothing that made any real differences. Its amazing how little the court cares about all this - to change custody at this point would take an act of god; not happening. We gave that up last year in the latest court battle.
This site is a great venting place. But, sad as it is, there is a point where you just say enough. We reached that in 2008. I see cutting with the son’s visitations soon (having a spy show up every 2 weeks to feed the ex’s sick obsessions); nothing is changing and this is so tiresome.
How long is someone supposed to keep fighting? Someone on this blog said ‘there is no reason a father shouldn’t see his kids”. Quite obviously that person has never lived through the hell we have been through these last 10 years; he is at 12 years of dealing with it.
To say I never signed up for this is an understatment. I was never buddies with my ex, but we had an unwrittern agreement to never haul our kiids through court and mess their heads up. Both are grown, graduated through college, healthy and pretty darn normal. Yes, I sucked up not getting child-support (he hid is money, as he owned a cash-based company - couldnt’ prove his income!) and awas scared every time they went over that they’d come back hurt caise my ex was so irrespoinsible with them. So, there are times that I think - how long can even I keep dealing with this?
March 4th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
I’m a middle-aged (it pains me to say it) grandmother of a beautiful little girl. I have raised 2 young men and have been divorced from their father since they were little boys. My oldest son had a relationship with the mother of my granddaughter, tried to do all the right things. He proposed, modest ring, flowers, promises. Helped her through a complicated pregnancy, helped her parent her older child, also a product of non-wedded bliss, from another man. Nothing was ever enough for her. Money was tight, they couldn’t go out enough for her. Her family made fun of him because he can cook. (It was a good thing too, otherwise it was a can of whatever.) She made up drama if they had a disagreement and went running home to her parents anytime she couldn’t get her way. Now they are no longer together. He has had to take her to court numerous times to exercise his rights as a parent. His visitation is at her whim, though he has joint custody, she pulls the rug out anytime she pleases and without notification. They work at the same place, he’s aware she bad-mouths him to his co-workers, and if he’s dating someone from work, finds a way to cozy up to them too. Now she called the police when they had a disagreement about her cancelling his days with his daughter without notification, and tells them he has threatened her. (Not!) It seems no matter how hard he tries to deal with this woman without being confrontational, she feels she can make up any bull*^#! and feel justified. He is a loving, patient, and kind father, encouraging his daughter’s learning and creativity. He’s learned how to fix his little girls hair, worries when she;s sick, makes sure she eats healthy meals, arranges play dates with her friends, reads, reads and reads to her some more. I just don’t get it. I am so tired of men portrayed on tv as incompetent idiots. I am so tired of the minimization of the role of the father. Children have lessons to learn from their father too. Children need the security of 2 parents working together in the child’s best interest. No matter what their feelings about eachother may be. My children’s dad and I have been divorced now for 20 years. Our relationship has evolved certainly. There have been times of tension and dispute. But….we never burdened the kids with it. We did not allow our families to discuss it in the presence of our children. We treated eachother with respect and upheld eachother in decisions about the kids. After all these years, we still consider eachother partners in our children’s and grandchild’s life. It breaks my heart to think my granddaughter and son may be facing years and years of this psychotic behavior, and I worry about the well-poisoning effect this may have on this little girl and her relationship with her daddy. In the meantime, we’re off to court again. Thank God for competent attorneys. Let’s hope the money doesn;t run out.
March 4th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
One last note. In my thanks I forgot to thank God for my ex-husband, the father of my sons and grandfather of our special granddaughter. He continues to step up to the plate for his son, as his son does for his daughter, and also pays the attorney fees.
March 5th, 2009 at 11:20 am
This site is very sad. Sad because it retells all the horror stories I went through and am still going through.
Great, so I get to look forward to 14 more years of this crap? Awesome!!!
My story is not unlike any of these. Sexual allegations, PPO’s to get me out of the house, abuse allegations, stealing my personal property, lying about her income, etc, etc. Watching my PEW do or say anything in court to “look good”. Hell I even remember our ref catching my PEW in a bold faced lie, under oath, and gave her 3 chances to “clarify” her story before agreeing on an answer. The whole time I felt like I was taking crazy pills.
I have walked in to 2 court rooms for custody hearings. I’ve walked out with my ass bleeding and a $20k bill.
My favorite thing is watching my PEW do or say the exact opposite that she hung me in court with. It makes for great entertainment.
The best part is the PEW remarried. Now this cat is okay on some levels. But here is my problem: He gets every other weekends with his daughter, but because he’s f*cking my ex, he gets to play the roll of father to MY daughter.
So after 2+ years of this crap, my new wife and I have come to a 2009 resolution” I won’t take any crap. If I’m lied to, I’ll call out the liar point blank. If someone steps over a boundry, I put htem back in their place….like dear old step dad telling me when and how I should call MY own daughter. Wrong move buddy.
See, I’ve been through hell with this. I have the famed McDowell blood in me. I can fight forever (its a gift I know). And so I shall continue to fight. Fight for my rights, fight for my family, and most of all, fight for my daughter and to keep her smart and sane from the nonsense my PEW feeds her.
To all the fathers who share my story, I ask that you never give up on your children no matter what the cost,
March 18th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Great site.! I too have been through a very similar situation. I want to say to all you fathers… there is hope. If you document like this website says, and do your best to do right… you can put your children in a place to be successful. I have been seperated for 6 years and divorced for 5. What started out as weekend dad now has full custody of all three of his children with NO PHYSICAL contact with their mother. On top of that, she pays me 1000.00+ a month and owes me 50k+ (I will never see it) of the original divorce settlement that was given to her based on her lies and half truths. you can do right by your children. My kids are happy, healthy and well adjusted. GO FOR IT. It can only get better!
One Happy Single Father of 3 beautiful and well adjusted children!
March 20th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
I am glad this site exists. I was beginning to feel like my hubby’s ex-wife was a rare and embarrassing person that made people either pity us or look at us funny.
The ex is bipolar, a drug user, and an alcoholic. She abandoned my stepson, age 7, when he was a baby and my hubby was a single dad until I came along. I am now like a mom to my stepson, and unfortunately he still has to see the ex-wife on weekends and during summer.
The ex really is nutty. She saw my hubby wearing a bandana, and accused him of being a porn star. She also thinks, for some odd reason, that I drive a Mercedes Benz when I drive a much cheaper car. Plus she has accused hubby of forging court papers that she herself signed. And she’s constantly moving because she turns almost everyone into her enemy (like calling her landlord a b**ch).
When she feels nice, she likes to ask lots of questions about my and my husband’s 4-month-old son, and wants to see him. My hubby finally told her she’s crazy if she thinks he would bring the baby to see her, so she stopped.
One time when she went to court with my hubby, she tried to lie to the judge that I (then his fiancee) was a minor! I am in my 20s! The ex is in her 40s and is older than my hubby, so she was so jealous of us.
Not to mention how she treats my stepson. A few years ago, she sent him home filthy with summer clothes on when it was winter, and two mismatched shoes that were ALSO on the wrong feet. She also recently sent him home in size 4T underwear, when he is 7 years old. And she calls him profane names, and has talked badly about me and hubby. Not that the courts care.
March 24th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
This is not an impossible situation, but you must be diligent and as willing to call your EW out as she does you. The one thing a BPD does not expect is that you are going to fight back veraciously. They have spent years putting you in a place where you avoid the conflict by letting them have their way. They expect it will not change now. But it does slow them down when you call them out.
Do not call out all the bad behavior when it happens. Give her the opportunity to lye, cheat, steal on several occasions before you bring it to light. Catalog the incident and move on if it does not have an immediate impact on your child. Don’t think that you are just a complainer and no one understands your situation. This all over the media and trust me when I say Judges have seen it personally - but it has to be compelling.
I went through the exact situation with my EW - protection order, arrest, allegations, custody disputes…. During the separation I made the best purchase of my life. A digital recorder to record phone conversations. My second best purchase was a PI.
The advice I received from my attorney was “give her enough rope and she will hang herself”. He was right. The more I called her out on her lies, the more she lied to cover them up, eventually, no one believed her because they knew she was a habitual liar.
Although I have sole custody of my children, it has not stopped. She will say or do anything to hurt me even if it means hurting the children. Accept that fact and don’t take it personally. You need to deal with a BPD from a place of emotional strength all the while keeping your children’s best interest at the forefront of everything you do.
Examine why you made the decision to get into a relationship with this personality in the first place. Understand that this all began with your decision. But that does not mean that you deserve this treatment. I am just pointing out that you need to investigate this history in order to release yourself from the shame and blame.
I do not pretend to have all the answers. Just an understanding that I should always do what is best for my children even if that means keeping my mouth shut. I hope they are able to have a healthy relationship in the future, but that is dependent on their mother and not me. I can only be there to support and help unravel the craziness so that they do not take it on as their own.
Good luck!
Mark
March 25th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
PSYCHOTIC PARASITIC PREDATORS.
Exacerbated and encouraged by the feminist agenda, to destroy the nuclear family and replace it with??????????
Pursued with extreme prejudice, a destructive divisive disease, a pervasive plague that contaminates contemporary society.
What happened to constructive common objectives based on LOVE!
A real woman wants to be a woman. To love and be loved. The feminists want her to be like their corrupt vision of a man. (controlling, abusive and powerful) An insecure IDENTITY crisis forms in the psych , which creates a psychosis. It often manifests itself as a bipolar condition. Stress to anxiety to depression, and worse.
Result
PSYCHOTIC PARASITIC PREDATORS.
Women have a propensity to feed on drama and conflict, and many seem to take sadistic pleasure in hurting others, and creating a self fulfilling prophesy where they can then cast themselves as the victim. A manifestation of their self entrapment and self harm, which is a tragic scream for what they really want, to love and be loved.
Many men also become psychotic and dangerous to women. Another self fulfilling prophesy of the feminist. The root cause may be the same. A man is conditioned to stop behaving like a man. An insecure IDENTITY crisis forms in the psych , which creates a psychosis. It often manifests itself as a bipolar condition. Stress to anxiety to depression, and worse. A tragic scream for what they really want, to love and be loved.
The most horrific and tragic damage created by the vile ideology of feminism is to our children.
All we can do is refuse to participate in this grotesque game. Fight hate with love. Have empathy for their pain and internal conflict. Reassure them about their insecurity. Be a man! ( A woman said “you’re a man, you can take it!!!!” I’m a fragile human being, so is a woman.)
The defensive position; don’t marry, don’t have children, man live with man! (it’s more secure and financially necessary to share costs)
DON’T PLAY A GAME WHERE THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST YOU.
Warn all young men you come into contact with.
You’re angel is far too easily corrupted by feminism.
My lovely angels were. What a tragedy for all concerned.
Until the rules change, we aren’t playing.
I seem to have a wonderful girlfriend now, but we’re not moving in together. I simply cannot afford to take the risk of another emotional, psychological and financial blow to myself or family and friends. I have no wish whatsoever to subject any other innocent bystanders to the repercussions of another break up. I’m too old at 56, and two divorces, aided and abetted by feminism, is more than enough for me.
I feel drained and exhausted.
If it wasn’t for my personal saving grace ( a sense of humour) and my Christian belief in forgiveness, I would have cracked.
I think feminists don’t believe in God? Maybe another clue to the source of their neo Marxist ideology?
NB! Yet another FAILED ideology of humanity, based on pride and arrogance.
“We can do better than God” Really?
I’m amazed at how much intelligence can be applied to doing something stupendously stupid, and self destructive.
Ask, who benefits from this situation? Who gains? Who loses? Who suffers?
Thanks if you read my rambling. I’m not a happy bunny. Does this make anyone happy?
Michael.
March 29th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
It was so nice to come across this site…I too have been dealing w/my husband’s ex for the last 3 1/2 yrs. I was starting to think I was the “only” one. The sad thing is after reading all of the comments…..there doesn’t seem to be any end. Even after the children have left the “nest”.
My husband and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and his ex started her crap 6 wks after we started dating. She is the one who divorced him, he trie for several yrs after to get her to try again to no avail…then when he decided to move on in his life, then all of a sudden she wanted him back. She doesn’t “want” him but doens’t want anyone else to have him either. From the harassing phone calls, the drive bys, following, turning the kids against their own dad, to having to hire security for our on wedding beccause of the threats from her, to the countless court appearances. From reading some the comments here I guess it could be worse, though at times it truly doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I have reached my limit more than once! Mister M..I wish you and your new wife nothing but happiness. Telling others about your issues helps get it off of your chest and not feel so alone in the world~
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 am
Well, i’m glad to hear that I am not the only one going through this. But let’s not forget the psycho ex-wifes family who involves themselves in something that they shouldn’t. It’s amazing who everyone take the mothers side. She may have carried them for nine months. But I have been carrying them ever since. The judges and the system everything is broken. They just go through the motions not looking at the facts or the true best interest of the children!
Carlos
April 3rd, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Bittersweet to see this site. Bitter of course that anyone has to deal with this type of mess, and nice to have a place to vent and ask for advice. My situation is alot like many of the stories that I have read. Dealing with a person who is crazy and bitter about life is no easy task. I have a 50/50 custody agrement for my son both legal and physical. I have done my best to communicate with the x and be civil. When trying to communicate with her I never truly get anywhere. At time of divorce she took off partied and did what ever she wanted I ended up having my son 28/30 nights of the first month 26/31 of the second month and about the same the third month. The sad thing is is that she despite all the documantation that I had she still belives that she was their and is a wonderful mother and is just the victim. Three years later she is still the victim in all of it and everthing in life. I could go on forever!!! We do need to find away to protect us and the people in our lives after from the crazy x’s. The mothers sane or not have to many rights over the fathers of the children. I understand the child support ,but many women abuse it making it harder for the man to move on with his life and start a new family. In my situation I take my son every chance I get every year I end up with mor days on the calendar spent with me than her but I am still obligated to pay. She has moved several times. I have stayed in the same place and have created a more stable home for my son!! What do you think can be done to give men more rights and protection against crazy x’s. lets all get together on this
April 5th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
my husband’s ex is psycho…but I also believe he played a part in her becoming that way…for the longest time, he was always at her families house for one reason or another, saying that they were his “friends”, or still refering them as his in-laws even though he had been divorced for over 6 yrs from them. It took counseling for him to see that he too was part of the problem and was enabling her into acting the way that she did/does. Thank goodness, so far, the court system has seen what a whacked out woman she is, even though their children havent figured it out yet. I think in time though they will. I still can’t tell you what a savior this site has been. After watching her drive by the house yet again, it is still so nice to know I am not the only having to deal with this. Even though I wouldn’t wish something this on my worst enemy.
April 14th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Oh My God, I can’t believe there is a site called thepsychoexwife. It was a girlfriend in my case. I’m from Canada and believe me the justice system so far has been against me too. My problems are just beginning as my daughter was only born 4 months ago but already she is trying to get a restraining order on me for no reason and if I want to see my daughter I’m, supposed to pay for profesional supervised visits, I said no way. I was’nt too impressed when she told me she was pregnant in the first place seeing how we were just broken up for about two weeks but once I seen my baby girl being born I finally realized what true love is.I tried to make it work with her even offering to let her and her 12 year old daughter live at my house. It all went down hill from there, luckily she never did move in with me because I’m sure I would now be living in the street. Anyways trying to get someone to believe me that she is a psycho and I have never harmed anyone is where I am at now. I am definitely not looking forward to the next 15 years or so. Sometimes I just want to give up and tell her that I don’t want anything to do with my daughter problem is not only am I scared for her well being but I love her so much
April 14th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Gerry… regardless of your love - if you haven’t already done so, I would urge you to get a paternity test. What you do in the aftermath is entirely up to you, but please don’t leave any options on the table.
April 14th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Thanks Mr m, I am seriously considering this, the only thing that’s holding me back so far is that it cost’s about 1000$ for the test, but I’m working on it.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
My story is like everyone’s here. In every post I read there is a similarity to my situation. Not one post didn’t have some aspect of what we (kids,me, gfriend) are going through. It is literally insane how these women are not known in the courts. Surely many “professionals” know that we have a new breed of woman that needs to be addressed.
If there is anyone in Portland Oregon what are your experiences with the family court here? Too everyone else. What are we going to do about this? We need to change this. Our young impressionable children love their mother, but shouldn’t be victims of these behaviors.
Enough is Enough.
Whats the next step?
April 14th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Do it yourself, Gerry… it’s a LOT cheaper than that…
http://www.gtldna.com/
April 23rd, 2009 at 10:47 pm
We had my daughter’s confirmation today. The physco ex makes dinner plans afterward, does even mention it. I ask why I wasn’t invited she states she doesn’t have to tell me anything. She goes back in the house slams the door and calls the police on me.
A once in a lifetime event and I’m barred from participating fully in it. What gives her the right to decide she and she alone spends the day of a special religious event with our daughter?
April 24th, 2009 at 7:07 am
Society and the Family Court Cartel. They believe that mothers are the ultimately authority over the children and that father’s are best relegated to slave and cash-provider.
Your job and rights were done the moment you impregnated her.
Welcome to the plantation.
April 27th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Unbelievable series of events this reported to me this weekend.
I’ve been looking into drivers education courses for Daugher1. Our school district just cut them from the budget, so its off to the private schools - choice of 2 in our area. I found the one to have the schedule that best fits Daughter1. It Costs $600 (even our high school would have charged $275). I forwarded this information to both exwife and daughter1. Now exwife is telling duaghter1 to cum up with $300 on her own, obviously I would contribute the other $300. Is this woman crazy - where is aughter1 to come up with $300? And what is exwife doing with her 6 figure income?
Next exwife had her PA boyfriend over for the weekend. They went out on a date Saturday night leaving the kids home on their own. Duaghter1 had to cook for 7 kids! One of the kids was the boyfriend’s, kid’s friend! I could just imagine what would happen if I did that.
Then for icing on the cake I find out daughter1 has been moved out of her room so exwife’s boyfreind’s kids have a room when they come to visit. Duaghter1 is rooming in with Daughter2 and neither has a problem with it, but kicking a kid out of their room to make why for boyfreind’s kids is just wrong.
Oh yeah exwife has money to redecorate daughter1’s old room, buy more beds (for boyfreinds kids), go out on dates to a fund raiser, buy a brand new SUV, but wants daughter1 to pay for her own drivers ed.
April 29th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Yesterday I learned psycho ex wife has filed a restraining order to stay from the children except for matters of visitation. Thats right - no more going to a little league game, track meet, soccer game if it doesn’t fall during my patenting time. No bringing over forgotten items on my way to work. She went to court on Friday and was granted it (in NY they grant anything asked for). On Sunday (not my parenting time) I’m taking daugheter1 to beach - psycho ex is aware of this - 2 days after she got a restraining order! I was unaware of it at the time and still have not been officially served. Childrens lawyer called me yesterday asking about a trial on May 18. That was my tip off. This is the ultimate alienation attempt.
May 7th, 2009 at 10:42 am
But what can you do about it???? How do you get it to stop???
May 15th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I feel bad for all the parents on this website that are going through these difficult situations. The sad thing is that the kids are the ones that suffer. I have an ex that I have been separated from for 5 years; 3 of those years he lived out of the country or out of the state. We are still legally married, but a year ago I filed for child support. My ex pays the mortgage on the house and I’m appreciative of that, but we have an Autistic son who requires a lot of expensive therapies and medications and dr appointments. I carry insurance for all 3 of our children, but even after insurance the out of pocket expense to me can be very large some months. I’ve been patient, asking him to help pay for a prescription or test here and there to which I always get (”I don’t have any money, and I’m 3 months behind on the house”) WHAT?????? Now keep in mind that he lives with his mother for free and does not contribute to any of her household bills. A year ago I filed for support and to this day he still has not been served. I call once a week and I just get “we’re very back logged ma’am”. I finally got fed up and e-mailed my governor (not really thinking it would work, but I had to vent). To my surprise I got a call this past Monday telling me that the governor’s office has contacted the Dept of Revenue and the Mr. P will be served within the next 14 days. I was floored. Now, it hasn’t happened yet, so we will see. But I have been very patient. He has even said, I want you out of the house as soon as possible and my response is, then I need my child support, because that is the only way I will be able to pay rent somewhere else. I’ve told him if he wants to speed up the process all he has to do is go to down to the DOR and turn in his financial information and we can get the ball rolling, but he doesn’t have time for that. This is also the very same reason we are not divorced. I’ve filled out the papers and the only thing we need to complete the filing is his financial information but he doesn’t want to relinquish it to me, not realizing that legally I’m entitled to it.
I spoke with the DOR representative today and she told me that he is going to be charged an arrearage amount from the day I first filed. Personally I don’t think this is fair since the DOR hasn’t really been on top of their game, but at the same time the ex hasn’t really been in a hurry to provide his info. I told the DOR that he does pay the mortgage and she said that they probably wouldn’t credit him for that but I can make the request that they do.
I commend the parents that live up to their responsibilities as far as visitation and support. Although I know its easy for non custodial parents to say “they don’t need that much support to raise a child” I always asked my ex if he remembers how much we struggled with 2 incomes and why he thinks I struggle less on 1 income. He never has an answer.
Mister M I don’t understand why you should pay support at all, but I don’t know what state you live in. In Florida if you have your children for at least 156 days out of the year in your visitation agreement, neither party is required to pay child support I hope things work out for you. Good luck
May 21st, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Wow … reading your background was as if I was reading my husband’s. My husband has gone through the wringer with Crazy Ex, and it’s never enough. I laughed out loud when I got to the part in your story about paying the toll on drop offs and pickups… our Crazy Ex tried to get my husband to pay her gas money for taking their son back to the airport for a flight she booked without talking to my husband about, on a day we were going to be out of town. It’s never ending.
I, have an ex-husband and a daughter with my ex. i would never, ever, treat him the way Crazy Ex treats my husband or their kids. Whenever he wants to see our daughter, I make her available. If there is a trip coming up, I give him as much notice as I can. I even reduced child support because he changed jobs and really couldn’t afford to pay the original amount - our daughter wasn’t doing without, so why should he starve to pay that ridiculous amount? I don’t ask for anything extra from him - I have a job myself and can provide for our daughter as well. The fact that some of other exes nickel-and-dime - it’s ridiculous!
Now my husband is sick and he’s afraid to tell the Crazy Ex because she will use it against him. This is the same woman who was “dying” from a brain aneurysm the month before he and I got married…. She’s that evil.
I will pray for you all the same prayer I pray for my husband - I pray that when his children are older, they will realize the brainwashing Crazy Ex did to them, and will come back to see him, before it’s too late.
hugs.
June 2nd, 2009 at 4:07 am
Crazy ex-wife, Ah long the topic of conversations between me and my fiance! We have a fairly unique situation in that my fiance’s little one has some kind of unknown syndrome. She has seizures & very little speech. She also is prone to ear infections & sinus infections and gets them pretty often. My finace has visitation every other weekend. Well, for almost a year now his ex has been refusing to allow him to pick up his daughter for overnight visits. So, basicly his visits are limited to Sundays and often not even every other Sunday. The ex states she is not well enough for visits. Although his daughter has had more illness recently, we believe she is manipulating the situation to keep him from his daughter. She has remarried and her new husband even called my fiance to ask if he could adopt his little girl! Of course, my fiance said “NO!” 2 weeks later we received notice of her request to increase his child support and that he is being dragged into court to try to further reduce his visitation. She is asking that he have one day a month!! Several days ago we picked up his daughter and she played here in the house and spent the last hour laying down watching a movie. The next day the ex called to vent her anger because we kept her for the whole day and now she was “exhausted and slept all day”. It it so hard to believe her because she has exaggerated and manipulated for so long. All we want is to see her every other weekend without interference and drama from the ex. The courts favor the mother totally in our experience and we do fear she’ll severely limit his time even more then she already has. We’ve had her charged with contempt for with-holding his daughter for overnights, so we’ll see where that goes. Probably no where. If anyone is in the same situation, divorced with a disabled child, please respond. We could use the support!!
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:07 am
I’M GOING THOUGH THAT AND I JUST FEEL LIKE IT IS A WAY FOR THE FEMALE TO CONTROL EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE MALE. IF SHE HAS YOUR CHILD AND YOU HAVE NOTHING SHE IS GOING TO PUT YOUR CHILD IN YOUR SIGHT JUST TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS FROM YOU. WE CAN NOT LET THIS BE. FIGHT AND KEEP FIGHTING.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I agree it is ALL about control. We go to court soon about this situation. I am living in fear that they’ll let his ex-wife say how and when we see the little girl due to her illness/problems. If they do that his ex will cut us out all together. Supposedly this is in the child’s “best interest” as she says. Of course only Mom gets to say what is in the child’s best interest and Dad is asked to “walk away”. Yes, she literally asked him to walk away from his child because that’s what SHE wants. I hate her with a passion. We’ll just keep fighting and fighting for our time with his little girl.
June 7th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Just finished reading this and sounds like i should follow suit. Like many of you (especially Mark, we’re like two peas in one seriously !@#$ pod) I’m dealing with much of the same. After PEW stabbed me 20+ times, the first of which i was asleep she also abused our 3 children. So, after losing a pint of blood guess who got to go to jail,yours trully, no i’m not kidding. Two weeks later i finally get to come home because the states attorney saw through the b.s. and PEW was charged. Two months later it happened again(yeah i was trying to be a good husband and help her through the BPD, i know glutiny) both of us got arrested this time but of course her bail was half of mine. Ultimately i have custody of all three children and PEW has supervised visits but now she has convinced the courts to involve DCF (for which her friend works) but still hasn’t lived up to her end of the now two year old agreement. I’ve lost three jobs two wonderful girlfriends(you know the kind where if you argue you don’t end up bleeding)but i’ll give up everything to keep my children safe from the PEW. Thanks for letting me vent, keep fighting the good fight, and remember “life ain’t fair, if you got a pair.”
June 8th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Thank God for this website! It’s been six years since my husband and his ex wife have separated and she still continues to blame me for everything! She has MS and I truly believe the disease is affecting her brain. She recently found me on facebook and started sending me emails, telling me to move out of her house and leave her husband so that they can start their life over. My husband is a doctor and is very well respected and she too is a doctor but refuses to work! She has been in contempt of court so many times. She has accused my husband of beating her, yet wants to have a life with him again? It just makes me realize how nuts she is! We once were dropping off her son at their meeting point and I got out of the car to give him a hug goodbye. She came over and told him to not hug me, that I took his daddy away and I unfortunately spoke up and defended myself. She then filed a harassment charge against me and said that i attacked her in the parking lot. SO NOT TRUE! I regret repsonding to her in front of my husband’s little boy, but I don’t regret speaking up for myself. My husband has told her why he divorced her, how unhappy they were, how fed up he was with the name calling in front of their son, and her constant beating him down mentally. She doesn’t even try to understand it, she just says that I moved in on her happy family and ruined her life!! ?? We can not rationalize with an irrational person, it is just frustrating! Especially when I would never wreck someone’s marriage!
June 9th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Wow, I’m so glad I found this website. What horible stories! And I thought my husband’s pew was awful enough already! But reading all your stories make me thankful that she’s not as bad. Though it sure has been stressful enough over the past 14 years and my marriage at time was quite rocky because of all the tension she caused. But if she were like one of yours, I don’t think I’d have been able to handle it. She’s an alcoholic and has depression problems. NOt sure if she has BPD. But this woman thinks that everybody BUT herself is supposed to provide for her daughter. She doesn’t believe that she herself has any financial responsibility towards her daughter at all. Her parenting skill and belief are also severely distorted. My sd, as a result, had had so much trouble in HS, but finally got wise up and moved in with us for her senior year. She just graduated last week!!! Thanks God. Though this pew is not the litigation-loving type, maybe she does, but never had any money for it and maybe because we paid more than what the court ordered and covered everything else on top of the basics. So she never had a good enough cause to take us to court. But what a piece of work! Everytime when there was any disagreement (mostly about parenting and sometimes money), she sure threw a big hissy fit, calling my dh names and everything. I can’t understand why he can be so civil to her… he said because of his daughter and I admire him for that. When my sd moved in with us, we continued to pay child-support for another two weeks. But that wasn’t enough. She asked for another 2 weeks but had no plans to send any $ our way to support her daughter for the rest of the year… not even a “thank you and sorry I know my obligations but I can’t” kind of things. So we said no more money. And my oh my she was pissed. She even dragged me into the email exchange calling both of us cheap and liars. I have no problems being called cheap because that is how we could make our financial obligations and save for college/retirement. But I do resent being called a liar. We never promised her more money! So of course I hold the grudge.
We live in a different state so for graduation the pew had to come to town for it. Guess what, my sd told her, without consulting with us first, that she could come and stay at our house. Amazing! either she has very little common sense or because we’ve been hiding our animosity too well. And this thick-skinned spycho would come if we had let her. I said no, hell no. I don’t even want her to set foot in my house for one minute, let alone staying. My sd is an adult now and we don’t have to associate with her mother anymore.
You all have my empathy. The US divorce court system sucks and is totally biased against the fathers regardless how screwed-up and disfunctional the mothers are. By doing that they screw the children, since kids growing up with disfunctional parents end up being disfunctional, either via genetics or lousy parenting. It is truely sad!
June 9th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
another petition for contempt on me today. 17 pages of lies again. another lawyer bill 2500, another gf lost that can’t deal with constant threats and verbal abuse,havin a wonderful day and its just lunchtime.thanks PEW
June 9th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Hello, Bull… very sorry to hear that. It might be time to file a counter-petition for contempt for her filing “unsworn falsification to authorities” and, at a minimum, go for your legal fees and other sanctions that would possibly have an impact on her unmitigated litigiousness.
June 23rd, 2009 at 1:28 am
my story is sick and twisted. I met my fiance now ex as he was just getting into the custody battle of the century. The ex broke into the house and attacked me in the middle of the night to kick it all off. I had a temp restraining order but the judge quickly took that away and slapped the father with a hefty child aupport and spousal support bill. I felt bad and told him i would help him out for a year. I gave him a car, paid the rent, bought his kids new wardrobes and beds in our 5 bedroom house to avoid unecessary contact with the crazy ex wife. she accused him of everything under the sun and he borrowed thousands of dollars from me to continue to fight to see his kids. tHe year turned in to two and then three..I grew weary of the constant drama and was ready to leave when I discovered i was pregnant. I stayed. Then the attacks from the ex ramped up when she discovered i was pregnant. She convinced the kids that i was the only thing standing in the way of them seeing their father and told them how to poison me. After the baby was born she sent the kids over with contagious skin diseases, sicknesses and refused to tell us about it. I was mama bear with my abay and trying to get some protection fromt he court. They gave nothing and told us we should jsut all get along. great if the ex wasn’t bi polar..psych evaluaion (that i paid for) revealed this. We filed , I paid and we fought as a result of the stress. The ex finally gave up after the custody battle but it was too late for us. I ran out of money and he ran out on me. Now he’s back in touch with her..buddy buddy and I’m worried about her being around my baby during his visitation. I know she is trying to get him back and the only thing that stands between him and her is the fact we have a child. Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel played by him –now he denies that he owes me a cent and barely gives us money to live. I live off of nothing and trying to get my career back. He wont help with the baby and is verbally abusive when I ask him for money for food. Help! Someone must know how I can keep her away from my baby. The money situation is something I will have to deal with in civl court. Thank you for reading and any advice.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Here’s a real winner:
Cops: Woodmere woman tried to set husband’s home on fire
BY SOPHIA CHANG AND JOHN VALENTI
sophia.chang@newsday.com john.valenti@newsday.com
10:23 PM EDT, June 25, 2009
A Woodmere woman poured lighter fluid on her estranged husband’s baby and throughout his Hewlett Bay Park home in a failed attempt to kill him, his fiancee and the baby because she was angry over money and custodial issues, authorities said Thursday.
Esther Hershko, 49, of Andover Lane, a former Hebrew teacher, never got the chance to light a fire early Wednesday in the home of Itzhak Hershko, her estranged husband, police said. Her husband’s Havanese dog went into seizures, alerting the homeowner, and a neighbor called police after seeing suspicious activity, officials said. Hershko was caught fleeing the house and her sport utility vehicle was found with matches and lighters inside, police said.
Two other relatives were in the home at the time, said Det. Lt. Stephen Palmer. One was the Hershkos’ son, 25, Palmer said. A cousin of the son, also 25, was also staying at the house.
Palmer said it was unclear if Esther Hershko knew her son and nephew were there.
The infant is a 5-month-old girl, believed to be the daughter of Itzhak Hershko and his fiancee, Dawn Ziccardi.
Esther Hershko was charged with five counts of second-degree attempted murder, first-degree burglary, second-degree attempted arson and fourth-degree possession of a dangerous weapon. She wore a hospital gown at her arraignment Thursday. Her clothes were being tested as possible evidence in the case, Det. Lt. Kevin Smith said.
Her Legal Aid attorney told Judge Robert Bruno that Hershko has cancer. Hershko is being held without bail.
She and her husband have been estranged for six years, said assistant district attorney Christian Kubic.
Around 4:30 a.m. Wednesday, Hershko entered her husband’s Heron Drive home through an unlocked glass door and poured charcoal lighter fluid throughout the house while the occupants slept, officials said.
Hershko also doused the baby, Kubic said. Palmer said the girl was sleeping in Ziccardi and Itzhak Hershko’s room.
When Hershko went outside to look for a match, she was met by police sent after a neighbor called 911 because of suspicious activity, authorities said.
There were no reported injuries, and police said the dog is expected to recover as well.
June 26th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I understand where a lot of you are coming from. I share my husbands 4 children from a previous marriage. We at one point had custody of the children, until she felt she could handle it again and lost. Since then her psycho mentality has increased to a point where he has barely any contact with the children. We even went as far as giving the oldest a cell phone to keep in touch. The courts dont care about who’s the better parent. They especially hate it when the step mom out shines the real mom. Ive been called a nuscience by the courts, all ive simply done is love those kids and provide for them. The courts still have hte mentality that the kids belong with the mom no matter if she is a crack whore or an abuser or is a leach to the welfare system. We have been dealing with this for over 4 yrs and 10,000 + dollars later. Every time my husband seems to lose more rights to those kids than gain. Its ridiculous! ITs gota stop!
July 1st, 2009 at 6:47 am
Just got done with another family court appearance. I was filing for a change of custody since my ex wife has broken virtually every clause in our custody agreement. She sought and was granted an order of protection barring me from seeing the kids any time other than court ordered visitation. That was done exparte - meaning I wasn’t present in court. Of course she lied, but the court keeps putting off the hearing date, now to October - 3 months! That’s justice? Of course they were quick to quash my 16 page complaint. They looked at each issue on its own rather than as an entire pattern of alienation. Motion dismissed.
I also had to endure ex wifes lawyer stating my 14 year old daughter was regularly having sex in my place and was hospitalized for some condition caused by this. Of course no medical records to back it up, not even the name of the hospital.
To top it off my 16 year old daughter threw a beer party at ex wifes house and now I’m being blamed as a bad parent for letting that happen. Even the kids lawyer is chiming in on that one. How can I control what goes on my ex’s house? Especially since there is a stay away court order in effect.
I’m just so frustrated at the moment I’m even thinking of walking away from the kids to spare my sanity.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:59 am
Mark… we understand completely and you wouldn’t be the first parent we’ve come to know who have just walked away from such madness.
July 6th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Yeah, I know how much this court system sucks. I haven’t seen my son in over there years and am still figting in court only to have a judge who dislikes me belives the lies of my ex. Not only have I moved on and am married to a beautiful wife but my ex took out a pre-paid phone in my current wifes name and then harassed herself and cop boyfriend by text message (how pathetic). Only to put countless charges in superior court againt myself and my name. I can’t believe this type of evilness, the alienation is inamigainable.
July 6th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
I can believe the level of evil a psycho-ex can put upon another. The stories I read, hear, and see are quite sad.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
This site is such a welcomed surprise. My husband has spent the last 7 years fighting a woman who is totally flippin nuts to see his children. He is paying a hefty child support which literally takes more than half his income. I support our household. There were five children born while he was married to this loon. One is an adult aged 21. and two of the other four have been proven (with DNA testing) not to be his biological children. She refuses to allow my husband visitation with his biological children unless he gets all of the children at one time, including the adult child who does not work or attend school. One of the children who is not his biological child is just as horrible and mean and nasty as he an be. The boy really doesnt want a relationship with my husband but apparently enjoys the drama he can cause. I dont understand it at all. It isnt that he doesnt care about all these children, he would just like to have some alone bonding time with the ones that are biologically his. Not sure why you need “visition” with a 21 year old though. It is a sad sad situation. Courts in our state say they dont care about DNA evidence because they were married at the time of conception so his name automatically went on the birth certificate - establishing the paternity. In court the judge actually said, The Court Frowns Upon Bastardizing a child… so you will have to keep paying regardless of your ex-wife’s infedility. I can see that my husband’s spirit has become broken over time and his heart is aching. I just dont understand why the man cant spend an afternoon with his own child. UGH!!
July 7th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
My finace’s ex-wife is constantly ranting and lying about him to their 2 kids (12 & 8). She tells them, & anyone who will listen, that he left her & the kids destitute. She has nothing & has to live with her parents. before they divorced, he borrowed money from her 401K to start a business.
When they divorced, he wrote a check for more than half of the repayment payable to the investment company. She proceeded to deposit it into her account & write checks against it, & then was surprised when she got overdrafts. He wrote another check payable to the investment company & she crossed it out & wrote her name in & attempted to deposit it, but the bank refused. By the time all of this got sorted out (over 3 months), the money had been used up by the business.
My fiance has been paying her cash every week plus his monthly support. This money is to be to pay back the 401K, 1/2 of her insurance premium (for her & the kids), and other extras for the kids. With the economy tanking as it has been, business has been down, so he reduced the amount of cash given to her each week (there never was a set amount to be paid per week mind you). This has prompted verbal tirades in front of the kids & anyone within ear shot (several blocks at some points), physical shoving matches, & countless voicemail & e-mail rants. She insists that that cash money was just a gift, that it was extra to help out.
My fiance’s accountant requires that any cash payouts be logged with the daily receipts, so we have a spreadsheet of all cash payments to her to date. She has submitted to him what she feels is owed her, broken down by loan payments, stocks, 401k, kids’s extras, tuition, clothes, food, etc. I took those debits, & deducted them from the total monoes paid her. We show he has overpaid her by appx 4K, but she is insisting nothing paid to her prior to the divorce being final counts. He just yesterday rec’d a letter from her new attorney that he has to respond to the charges by x date or be in contempt of court.
The financial issues aside, she not only is hurting the kids by bad-mouthing their father, she is now doing other things that are hurting the kids. She insists on dressing the 8 yr old boy in clothes w/ holes, don’t fit, or are unclean w/ a response of “have your father buy you new ones”. He is embarrassed by this, not to mention that he could benefit from being able to pick out his own clothes, and do for himself. He sleeps with her almost every night. When he stays by us 3x/wk, he wakes up & wants to crawl in with us. When we tell him he is a big boy & needs to sleep in his own bed, he then has meltdowns of not wanting to stay at dad’s.
The 12 yr old knows what is going on, but is constantly caught in the middle. She bears the brunt of Mom’s rants, & is constantly belittled for wanting to spend time with dad, doing things with me, etc.
What can we do to keep her for doing permanent damage to their self esteem?
July 9th, 2009 at 11:51 am
I’m a girlfriend of someone with an ex-vindicitive, controlling evil girlfriend on welfare and a 4 yr old. We are going through the same pain. Love all the character names on this site. Came across this site after a year of searching about legal stuff, child support, tax implications etc. I have spent more time helping fight for his rights then looking for a job. We had a slight victory last week. The beotch filed for court ordered support after she called him screaming at him for leaving a pair of his daughter’s tennis shoes at our house. Said you are getting served…and she was right papers were in the mail that afternoon. This, after he had been paying voluntary support weekly since he left her as well as paying her cell, phone and internet bills. These women are not bipolar, they know exactly what they are doing…the lies, screaming over the telephone, etc… it’s all about them trying to keep control and getting him back. so back to the victory… He immediately called Child support, set up appt and came prepared with the binder we put together that contained Canceled checks for support, an excel spreadsheet log of every ugly comment, visitation refusal, pet abuse, comment the child made to us about what mommy said, days child spent at his mom’s house, with us, etc….since June 2008, his and her expenses and income, and a itemized list of questions, concerns about child support etc… The mediator was shocked and started by saying she said you weren’t paying her support and she had to quit her job because you left. He let the flood gates open by presenting the binder and told them she was fired for embezzling $10,000 from the job and was to be arrested until her dad paid off the owner. the mediator said take your time deciding on health ins and I’ll give you a month or 2 to sign. Meanwhile the beotch kept screaming at him to sign the order…well he did last Thursday. Order will not go into effect until Aug 1st. The beotch called him screaming asking where the hell “Her money” is for the week. He said - I signed the order like you wanted and I am not to pay you directly it is in the system now. She hung up called Child support and they told her the same. She refuses to work and collects welfare ..treats child support like alimony. He did what she wanted and it backfired in her face. She probably will not see any money until Aug 25th. Here is my advice to the men: keep a written record of everything the beotch says and does and every comment your child makes that shows she is trying to alienate your child against you. Never ever give her cash support. Keep phone calls to minimum. It only causes more stress to you and others in your life. My stress was reduced significantly now that he doesn’t get the calls every other day about where the hell her money is…If only these beotches actually cared about their children…it’s only about the money and trying to control your life. The best thing he did was never get married to her. I cannot imagine it any worse.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
For those of you so graciously sharing your stories here, do consider joining the forums where you can get real time feedback and assistance from the community (including us).
Sometimes, I fear that these stories tend to get lost because posts like these age.
Check out the forums.
July 16th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I have found this site hilarious..and sadly true. I happen to be an ex-wife but I am also a remarried wife. I get to see both sides of the psychosis. On one hand, I have my ex-husband who quit his job 7 years ago and moved states to avoid paying child support. I haven’[t seen a penny in 7 years and my state nor his seems to care. He makes no attempt to contact our kids and hasn’t seen them in 5 years. These kids are teens/adults and there is no excuse for not calling/emailing/texting/FBing, etc. Oh..and he had the affair and left me. My ex-husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is in the same family as BPD.
On the flip side, we have my husband’s ex-wife–who also had an affair and left him–who screws with his visitation, is always asking for more and more money, sends me rambling emails about how they are still a family and I should butt out…her behavior continues to get worse. My husband has never missed a support payment (I wouldn’t be married to a man who did) and tries to have visitation as much as he can. We think his ex may be BPD as my son is BPD (diagnosed) and she has all of the same symptons/behaviors.
Looking forward to reading all you have on your site!
July 25th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Its NOT a contest but I’ve been following this site for the last year going through the second custody battle with my husband from a P.E.G!
OMG
How many here have actually seen their’s go to the nut hut!?!?!?!
<—-Waving big right over here!
We had a situation just recently 4 weeks now before the second custody hearing defending ourselves against LIES!! She takes off in the middle of night. We pick up his child in the middle of the night. She’s gone for two days and then calls and tells us to tell their daughter that her new husband has been in horrible car accident and crying “Thank God he’s still alive!”
Thank God we didn’t buy it! (you get real familiar with the PEG/PEW It’s like lie radar and you need to trust yourself when it goes into overdrive that you’re hearing another)
Instead we called the best interest lawyer she just had to have. (they have shared custody she wants sole)
ANYWAY …story proves itself out, after BIA investigates- her lawyer cracks and admits she was in the nut hut!
PEG was made to go without contact for a week.
Then she goes in to BIA with her sob story saying this court case (THAT SHE STARTED FOR THE SECOND TIME because I finally told her off after 5 years of her crap) has gotten to her and she’s sorry for lying. (We’ve got so much evidence on her. Right before she cracked her nut she received it which we think put her over the edge….all I can say is when you deal with one of these types WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN AND KEEP RECORDS OF EVERYTHING- PHONE, RECEIPTS, VOICE MAILS, EMAILS, EVEYTHING. That was a hard lesson learned fron the first time around- this time we were ready for her)
But now everybody feels sorry for her and wants us to SETTLE! If my husband did half of what this woman has done and been caught they’d nail his manhood to a wall of worlds worst fathers and he’d be lucky to get supervised visitation.
At this point we’re like “ok what about SD’s best interest, that’s what this is supposed to be about right?”
We were going for full custody after being hit with HER motion to change custody on the “change in circumstances” because their daughter was supposedly doing so poorly in school (straight A student- student of the month) and suffering emotional problems (2 therapists, a doctor and school teachers are scheudled to testify saying THAT’s CRAP she’s a great kid. PEG just got pissed cuz I told her we weren’t putting up with her Crap anymore) and all of this is because of WHO????
You guessed it, according to her US or ME..we’re the monsters here and I’m the “wicked step mother”.
Just wondering- sorry to go on but can you believe that?!?!? You get caught lying in the middle of a case about going having to go to the nut hut- attempt to tell your daughter her step father is just hanging on to life in the hospital and the court appointed BEST INTEREST lawyer for your child (a woman BTW) says “well maybe you guys need to start talking about settling and ending this case quickly because this is getting to be too much for her (the PEG)!”
Nevermind WE’VE got 12k in this defending ourselves, nevermind the lies she’s told, nevermind she’s NOT STABLE…nevermind she started it all…no…no nevermind that…
OMFG!
Signed,
“The Wife of a man with a PEG and see’s the system is BROKEN”
July 31st, 2009 at 8:17 am
I have found this site so funny… i am an ex wife nevermind the lies he told, nevermind he is NOT STABLE…nevermind he started it all…no…no nevermind that…
July 31st, 2009 at 8:59 am
The question is… are you a psycho ex-wife? We are critical of psycho ex-husbands and others who won’t get the help they need to stop tormenting their families and friends.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I have finally found my people! I am home! We could have written that whole thing ourselves and not been more accurate about our life! Hallueia someone gets it!
August 18th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
I would really like to hear what these “psycho ex wives” think. What are their reasonings to their actions? Why do they do the things they do? Do they feel a sense of entitlement? Territorial? Jealousy? Any ex-wives out there care to share?
August 29th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
LM & DW,
You have created quite the little fantasy world for yourselves here…it’s been very humorous..and a little frightening to read your interpretation of the “facts”….thank you so much for the entertainment.
Liz
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm
I thank God that Mr. P. never found himself a PEW. (And never will!) But this site is still beneficial even to me; I’m reading these posts and saying to myself: “No matter what, I will never, I MUST NEVER act like this!”
It prods my conscience, believe it or not; people can be horrible to each other even without suffering BPD, and some of the behaviors can become normal to a woman if she lets them.
Even if one never has to deal with a BPD, your site is helpful to remind us of how, as Proverbs says, a woman can tear down her own home with her hands.
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Liz,
You need a life.
September 8th, 2009 at 4:35 am
I think “Liz” might be my partners psycho ex wife! UGH
And she wonders why her kids call her that!
September 10th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
While I’m in agreement with people not going nutso. Most of these stories are about how men are getting screwed.
In the courts ernest effort to not favor the mom I had real issues sideswept while lies about me stuck. I was treated like the crazy, incompetent parent. When I filed true charges about him assaulting me, he was handed a piece of paper. When he filed false charges of me assaulting him and our child, I was arrested, quite dramatically, at work. Handcuffed, shackled, fingerprinted, mugshots, and put in a holding cell. Everything in his statement was lies.
When the other person is a sociopath and knows how to work the system and encounters people long enough to make themselves appear credible but not long enough for the other person to suspect the crazy you will have trouble. Whether that parent is the mom or dad. The abuse of the system needs to stop. As well as the imbalance of overcompensating.
September 12th, 2009 at 9:53 am
How do all of you cope with these dillusional rantings and lies from the ex-wifes. I am a step-mom. I had to seek psycological help. I could not grasp how his ex could do this to her own children. I would see them hurting but didn’t know what to do or how to help. He has been going through this conflict for 9 years now. You would think that by this time she would let go. I have been with my husband for 6 years now. I have educated myself throughly on the justice system and the mental health aspects of the case. I have gone through 2 custody evaluations with them. One trial which lasted a total of 5 days. Not to mention endless court appearances. I would like to submit my story as you have hoping that we can further help each other.
September 15th, 2009 at 1:22 am
My lovely partner-in-suffering Googled “evil ex-wife” and found your site. My PEW destroyed my 15-year-old daughter’s education and emotional future by seducing her to my PEW’s full-time custody with unsupervised Internet (wonder where those nude webcam teen girls come from?) and no school expectations, and now that she’s with mom full time I’m being sued for child support. Please, no one tell me to fight, as legal expenses have wiped me out, and no one will look hard at her because she’s the mom. I have learned the hard way that parents have the right to ruin their children. She’s OCD, her house is full of trash, she’s unemployed by choice and living off her parents, but she wears pink clothing to court and therapists think she’s wonderful… I had to put a switch on my doorbell circuit because she would stand on my front porch bashing the doorbell and screaming while I hid inside my house. And later, my kids would say “Mom and Dad are fighting” and would tell therapists that it is stressful when we fight, referring to her behavior at my house. Mediators, et al, would look to me while my PEW wilted into pitiful tears, none of them believing the chaos was entirely created by the lady in pink. These people cause so much pain, and they destroy children. I had a therapist once tell me that children will “gravitate to the sane parent.” Actually, that has not proven to be true. When the insane parent can offer a teenager the ways and means to rebel (how many parents help their own kids run away to a drug-using friend’s house?), that parent becomes an extremely attractive alternative to the other parent who expects school attendance and effort. No, the world is not about justice. There may be karmic balance in time, but for mow we are trying to avoid being wiped out by her aggression, and we appreciate your blog, very much. Except for your ex’s diagnosis of BPD, I could have written this blog and had thought of doing so often. I look forward to further posts!
September 15th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Bill - I’m very sorry to read of your plight and sadly, not at all surprised. Nothing in your story is beyond belief after what we’ve learned from our own experiences and the experiences of others.
September 18th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I have 2 wonderful sons that were abruptly taken from me after her affair with many men and now portrays the current as the sole father of my 2 wonderful kids. My ex is deeply disturbed and has been sense I have known her. My 2 great son’s one of which doesnt even remember me anymore he was too young and one who she has been trying to turn agaisnt me and at the times she was having her affairs.. I could tell you the terrible things she did to the kids while we were together, but its something i dont like to even think of but its constantly on my mind.. She is probably one of the most manipulative and selfish creatures I have ever met in my life. I love my kids more than anything in this world but she doesn’t allow them to see their own dad. Im completely at a loss what to do.. I havent seen my son’s in over a year..
September 19th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I was married for 3 years and got divorced 2 years ago. I have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. I love these kids so much and am petrified that they will turn against me or worse turn out like their mother. Since August of 2008 my ex wife has moved from Georgia to Mississippi to Washington to Mississippi to Indiana to Mississippi to Missouri and now to Louisiana. She “found” 6 different career paths and quit each, settling on substitute teacher for the time being. She has had 16 phone numbers and I have to beg for the number from her. My son (who turned 5 in late August) has been in 2 different pre-schools and a kindergarten in 3 different states. She never answers her phone and only calls me when the kids are sleeping, at school, screaming, or otherwise non-talkative. Visitation is sporadic, only when it is good for her. She lives 12 hours away and I usually have to do 70% of the distance in driving so a majority of my time with the kids is spent driving to or from them and they are asleep in the back seat. I was her 3rd husband and since our divorce she has almost married her 4th, 5th, and 6th husbands. One boyfriend of 2 months she told the kids was their new daddy. I’ve tried to reason with her and I’ve broke down crying and calling her parents asking for their help but they see nothing wrong with their daughter and I’m the bad guy although I’ve never missed a child support payment and I devote all of my time to the kids when I get to see them. She has joined a Pentecostal church and tells me I cannot cut my own daughter’s hair. Every time I ask her to bring the kids to me or take a menial job closer to me and where I met her she either ignores my calls for a month or threatens me. I try to be polite with her and I do not bad mouth her in front of the kids but this is a “person” that has threatened to accuse me of molesting my daughter, told me that I have had intercourse with my own mother, and has used a belt on my son when he was as young as 3 years old. I have a custody hearing set for next month but I’m afraid that she will either kidnap the children or if I do get custody continue her “craziness” during the next 15 years. I’ve considered suicide, homicide, and committing myself to a psych ward. I’d rather the state raised my child than that woman have 1 more day’s influence on my innocent children. I’m going crazy.
September 19th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
This site has helped me digest our situation for quite a while. This is my first posting and I am the current wife of 3 years to a man with a PEW. My husband is just now resuming visitation with his 11 year old son after a 2 year lapse. I was 8 months pregnant in 2007 when my stepson casually reported to us during dinner that he was told to “torture the baby.” This revelation was only one of a thousand psychotic occurrences over the past 6.5 years. My husband is a wonderful partner and father. But ENOUGH is ENOUGH. The courts don’t care and you drag your kids through hell trying to prove your point. They love their mothers whether their mothers are psychos or not. They have to grow up and put their foot down. I truly believe that these mothers (or psycho fathers in some cases) would have their children suffer for the purpose of punishing the ex. It is sadistic psychosis at its finest.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I just happened to stumble upon this site and I’m glad that I did. I feel horrible for the people who have been going through these things for years and years. Suprisingly enough, my husband and I have been dealing with his ex-wife for almost 3 years and honestly, I can’t wait for it to go to court this year.
His ex has done everything in her power to make us get a divorce. He has a daughter (7) and a son (3) with his ex and she is a piece of work. She bad mouths us in front of those kids, she calls us, harrassing us, and that woman is always the victim. It doesn’t matter what happens, she will turn it around to benefit her. She doesn’t bathe the kids, buy them clothes, or anything. She is bi-polar, with borderline personalities and won’t take medication because she think she is o.k. without it. And worst of all she uses the kids to get her what she wants, it’s like they are her personal little piggy banks…. it makes me sick… my husband and I take care of them through the week and she gets them on the weekends… and we have to sit and worry about their welfare everytime they are over there. Now believe me, I used to think that no child should have to ive without it’s mother…. but that should be when they have a mother who loves them, supports them and can provide a stable environment for them… none of which my husbands ex will do…. but you can bet she always is dressed to the “t” with new clothes, hair done, makeup…. and it makes me wonder, how in the world could you have kids and use them and abuse them and believe that you are a good mom????
September 24th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I appreciate reading all of the posts, I am just so full of anger and disappointment, I am not sure where to start. My boyfriend separated from his Bi-polar ex-wife 8.5 years ago and has 50/50 custody of the children. He and I have been dating for 7 years and she is convinced that I am the reason for their divorce. She has manipulated the children, referring to me as Ms. Yuk. She lies and creates constant drama, for example when at a wresting match for the son, I took the then-5-year-old daughter to the bathroom. She called the state police and they arrived in front of the whole school. After speaking with them at great length they realized they had been drawn into situation that only existed in one sick person’s mind, the ex-wife. She also refuses to admit she is bi-polar, even though when they adjusted her medication recently and she had to be institutionalized for 10 days, we were just supposed to tell the kids she was “sick”. She is hateful, forever making scenes, calling me names, just to upset us, swearing she will bankrupt us, take the children, will sue me, will fight me, will kill me. Everything is always high drama and she comes across as outright crazy until she starts telling people how I stole her husband, completely overlooking the chronology of events.
I am frustrated and angry and just started seeing a therapist to have a place to vent. I cannot stand that all that I do for the children, homework, parent-teacher conferences, soccer, summer camp, is all just ignored while irrelevant things, like I forgot to wash a particular swimsuit for swimming day at camp she rants and rants and calls me every awful name.
I am just reaching the end of being able to deal with this day in a day out. And what is really sad is that I love my boyfriend so much and he is such a wonderful father. I am truly saddened and really wish she would be diagnosed with a fatal disease that quickly puts her to rest.
The children are so torn and conflicted it is awful and hurtful to me because she does not work and everything is like a big party over there. No homework! No chores! No bedtime! Grades, who cares? Her house is a pigsty and when the kids are there everyone just sits around and watches TV and eats pizza. She does not work, she does not cook, she does not clean. The kids resent the rules at our house.
I am just really frustrated.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:50 am
I am so amazed how many of these cases are so similar to mine. I have been enduring a two year battle with my bitter ex. She more than likely has Borderline Personality Disorder but refuses to seek help. She says that everything is my fault. She has been alienating our kids for many years now. She started before I even filed for divorce.
We recently had a custody evaluator recommend that I receive permanent full legal and physical custody due to her alienation. I am awaiting a judges ruling now. October 19th I have a trial date and should get my answer. After receiving the report, my ex accused me of paying off the Forensic Psychologist that spent an entire year evaluating out family. She and her attorney filed a motion to have the report excluding from trial. It did not work for her. Unfortunately in the meantime she has caused so much damage to our daughters. I get very worried that she may be causing irreparable damage. I have been trying to do everything right and will not engage her in this “battle”. My ex has even tried counselor-shopping by looking for a counselor for our daughters that will write a letter on her behalf that says our kids want to be with her and not me. That also has not worked for her. The problem with her is that she will not stop at anything. She is not intimidated by the court in any way shape or form.
My ex has made numerous false allegations against me. I am a police officer so she knows that her allegations are going to be taken very serious and they will cause me problems at work. I am very fortunate that her allegations are so far fetched that she is losing credibility each time she makes an allegation.
I would not wish my situation on anyone in this world. I cannot express to anyone how much pain this has caused me. The most painful part is watching my kids being brainwashed by their own mother. I have made a decision to not bad-mouth their mother in front of them. Sometimes I think that is not a good move. I am told to keep taking the high road an do what I am doing. I am also told that my kids will someday realize what their mother has done. It’s very hard to believe that.
Thanks for reading this. It sometimes helps me to vent.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Karl,
Hopefully the children will eventually realize, but it won’t come without significant help. So, if they’re not already in therapy and assuming everything goes the “right” way later this month, be sure to get them some. Also, be sure you find someone who has experience dealing with parental alienation and (hopefully) seriously high-conflict divorce & custody.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Wow, reading these really helped me alot! I have a scumbag ex husband who truly is a troll from hell. But reading these post made me realize that men go through alot of the same of what women go through sometimes. My ex is a drug addict but he’s no victim!! He’s a vampire!! I think we should be strong and go on with our lives and never let them see us sweat!
October 8th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Has anyone ever had to take the ex-wife or husband back to court for contempt? I am so tired of my ex-wife treating my current wife like crap I am ready to go back to court. I have all kinds of emails texts and voicemails showing that she is talking bad about us in front of the kids telling them were bad people and triing to get the kids to hate us. We are not bad people and we have plenty of people who have witnessed the behavior of my ex. One minute ex says that my current wife is the best stepmom ever and the next minute we get the total opposite. were scum stepmom means nothing to them telling bad things to them. Is there anyone out there that has gone thru this? Are my kids going to see the that were not bad people when they are older? Ex-wife has been bacer acted 2 times.(sent to the crazy house). Can I get my kids into counceling from the court? My ex would never send them, she thinks everyone else is crazy in the world and not her. I dont want my kids to hate us any info would be awsome. thank you for your time.
October 10th, 2009 at 12:09 am
It feels weird to say - good job on creating this type of website - I can’t believe how many people are experiencing the crazy ex-wife with BPD … I think it’s great that people now have a place to come vent and maybe learn from one anothers experience.
I read about Jason (posted in April of 09) I am in Portland Oregon - and I am learning about the court system…I feel a bit uncomfortable posting my email address on here cause I’m afraid of my husband’s crazy ex wife find it - God knows what will happen.
So she left my husband for a man 20 years her junior - he dated a few women, then met me - that is when the stalking started - we finally got her arrested and received a 5 year protective order - she received mandatory psych evaluation and care (isn’t working)-but she continues to stalk us through the courts/legal system. We have two witnesses who are going to testify for us at the next hearing that she has threatened to “do whatever she can to inflict psychological and financial damage to ___(my honey).
After reading all the information on this site - I joined the forum and I feel for everyone…..and I’ll be honest here, the main reason I joined is because
I AM GOING TO TAKE THAT BITCH DOWN! Please help me accomplish this!:)
Gee, I wonder how many men are sitting on death row for murdering their PEW! Certainly, I have new found empathy. Let’s get ‘em! My honey and his PEW don’t have biological kids together - but she helped coparent his grown son…and man, did she mess him up too…he married someone just like her! Yikes! Thanks for letting me vent.
October 10th, 2009 at 12:13 am
For Jared,
You can take someone to court for emotional abuse but you will need a lawyer who is experienced in that. For your kids - they should probably be in counseling - and you knows, maybe a competant therapist will help you get custody because that is a type of abuse…emotional - and God knows what other types of crazy things she is teaching those poor children of yours.
October 16th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I would make it my life goal, to eradicate all these insidious BPD pyschos, if I could get a licence to kill.
The misery they bring to their children, partners, ex-partners and families is infinite. No accountability, no responsibility and a free reign to continue their sickening tirades.
In a way you feel sorry for them, as their life must be hell to live the way they do. However, I have been “fire fighting BPD since 2005″, have son 5yo. you would think after four years she would relent!??! No way, it’s getting worse. Heading to court, and no one who has power to do something, can seem to acknowledge it and do something, so the night mare contnues!
Every time I see my son, I see how it affects him, and how much he suffers. Childhood should never be distorted or devalued, it’s priceless.
Good mental strength, and an inner desire to expose this scenario, and the love of my son and family help me through. I am not a religious person, but do believe in karma. But where is it when you need it??
Frustration is immense, no matter what you do, you can never be right! Social work refuse to acknowledge situation, despite proof stating them in the face, it’s like the land of Ostriches!
I will never give up on my son, so therefore, she better seek mental help, or my mental strength will eventually drive her to mental hospital, as she cannot keep this up indefinetly, without suffering mentally and physically.
I can definetly agree withe the statement “you learn more in the face of adversity, than you ever would with plain sailing”. It has been life changing as far as I am concerned.
I honestly want to put my heart and soul into exposing this awful mess that so many people are caught in, to change law, speak to MPs, write a book, become spokesperson, offer free counselling for those suffering at hands of BPD, do whatever it takes. I am just brain-storming, I want to see an end to this misery, through acknowledgement and therapy. The ignorance surrounding this affliction, especially in UK, baffles me.
October 19th, 2009 at 7:32 am
People- my heart goes out to you. Get a shrink, spill your guts, go to 12 step meetings, and don’t for one second ever believe you are unique to this situation. Mine was just as horrible as any I’ve read on here, but I’ve learned to focus ahead, not behind.
So I am really rid of my ex wife of 10 years and it took 15 years, three psychologists and one psychiatrist to convince me that that I was NOT the crazy one.
My 2 adult sons are a mess of their own choosing. That hurts me, but such is the nature of parenting. It has nothing to do with my decisions- it’s theirs and I have to respect them for at least making decisions. I’ve pretty much had to write off my youngest son because of the garbage the ex pumped into his head, making him dependent upon her for everything, then he abuses her verbally for it. It’s their sickness, not mine. Oh well, life goes on, and that’s what I want to encourage you with.
One of the psychologists taught me this: “Life is difficult for EVERYONE on the easy days.” So have some faith in yourself and realize that difficult is temporary unless you decide to make it permanent.
I could go on and on with details, and I honestly feel like all I need to say is this: I don’t need to anymore. I destroyed a lot of friendships with my pain, but not anymore. Hope that encourages those who need it. I believe you and I know your stories are real.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Hey peoples where do I get a copy of the rule book psycho ex wife’s been hunting for one for years can not find it need to give it to my husbands ex partner she does not think she hurts him enough she needs more ammo the same stuff is boring and is their a book out on trashing the kids damage them more than ever who cares children are a weapon not to be cared for any titles like that or sillmar and before you jump down our throats yes we do have parental alienation in our lives two generations me from my mother father denied access totally and my children from their father towards me then my step children from their mother towards their father so yes we do know and now its not a joke but its not new either its from the fossil age but only just recently given a name and being dealt with if cases can be proven then they need to have the laws full extent put on them know excuses or plea bagging and no fairy smacking on the hand JUDGES need to get serious e and deal with these cases not go its just does not happen the alienate needs to learn their should be a automatic hand over of children with the alien-tor paying for all costs to get the children psychological dealt with but only after its proven beyond doubt IE schools atude interview friends on both sides talk to the kids about what mum and dad both say then have a burning off all files when case done start a fresh when alienate is better but do not make it a pension matter its to be made mandatory if you miss a payment or the alienate miss meeting the they loose the children all together they then only have supervised visits
all case files burnt when the children turn 21 by the children themselves
October 19th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Hey new wife you already got her back you got(your honey) no children then give him some of yours sweet revenge is best dished cold and loving my ex husband stalked me but threw his mistresses and girlfriend no different people Mistress is his best friends wife girlfriend her good friend and yes they all know each other but my revenge was to ignore them cut them dead they tried to find out who my new friends where.to the point of one of them becoming a party dealer and putting pressure on my children to get me to have party some length to go but i don’t hold those parties anymore invited to a few of theirs but did not go to them they soon gave up interest and stopped it all (got no where taken no where ) they even tried talking to new husbands ex we treat her the same their our mushrooms they feed on parental alienation and boy does it frustrate them wanting the information and not getting it annoys them to the point of parent alienate we joke about it as it helps to work threw it all my husbands ex helped write the book HEY explains alot if we find the book its so going down on the web for all to read and learn what Not to do as its more damage than Nazism or nuclear warfare terrorism is even better than parental alienator you don’t have to fight them on your own you find them as a country stand together not falling down in a heap that’s all alone just be strong stand in front beside and behind your (honey) let her know you are not leaving we moved states because of our mushrooms my choice saved a lot of hurt in the long run but destroyed me in making the decision still hurt but its getting better so stand tall ignore her and serve it all up frozen to the point of ice age no 3,4,5,6,or in our case for their life may it be long very long but ours even longer and new wife happy
October 21st, 2009 at 3:59 am
[...] The Psycho Ex Wife is the true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who we suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband’s new partner. We are not simply anti-mother or pro-father … Read more [...]
October 24th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Someone please tell me that there is a way to fight back. My husband’s ex-wife has made our lives hell for more than 6 years now and nothing happens to her. We are currently going through another round of child support issues in which the ex it claiming my husband makes over twice as much as he really does…and guess what, the state is taking her word for it, without proof of income or verification of any sort from my husbands employer. How can they do this!?!? We are going to be living in the street with our mutual children while she is living the life of luxury with her one child, making more money sitting on her ass they we make as two working adults!! My husband has never missed a child support payment since they seperated and yet the states of Iowa and Illinois are currently making him into a low life dad. His ex lived in Illinois, we live in Iowa, so between the two states not knowing what the other is doing, we are getting screwed by both. We have gotten a lawyer to help sort this out, hopefully, but in the mean time, she is going to be making every cent my husband earns…literally
October 30th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Mr M,
This thread has left me spent and speechless. I do indeed have a story to relate, but i’m over taken within a fog of hopelessness. Plz know that you and that wonderful woman who stands with you are not alone.
Many have seen my son and i together and said literally that what they saw could only be explained by one word; “contentment”. Yet i have been criminalized by the system into supervised visitation and it is killing me. I don’t want my son to know his Dad as they have made me to appear. This is unfinished. This whole mess. May God keep you in health and free.
I wonder if anyone is trying to gather this huge army of decent dads as the reenter society after being thrown in jail over lies,whims and bull?
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:50 am
I am dealing with two crazy people. One is an ex. God help us all. These types of people really need to be in straight jackets & belong in a mental hospitial of course. It’s just disgusting & horrible people have to deal with complete psycho ex wives or husbands. You don’t know what there up to or what will happen with these types of people .
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:51 am
Seems like calling the police does no good .
November 7th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
found site by accident…reading posts..am petrified…begiining divorce/custody fight with what I suspect is BPD…sudden onset,mid 40’s,probably decompensating for some time after death of family members…no insight,no compassion or concern for her own kids…and I am the target of her ‘borderline rage’.and of course has found true luv via facebook/old flame…not the person Ive known for 21 years…bad part is I am isolated…noone believes me except (maybe) attorney,a few distant friends,and a judge (kind of) have the kids for now…its been a long couple months…its gonna be rough…
November 28th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
You have saved my sanity! Thank you for this site and now I know I am not crazy or alone!
November 30th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
BPD ex wife, whore on top of it, left me Christmas Eve without any indication of things leading up in 2007…caught running with buff cop several days after lighting the advent candle of love together in 2007. Toddler, 3 years old, caught in middle, attorneys DO NOT care about your situation-only your ability to pay their astronomical fees, God is always there as an ear and strength, in the meantime I pray that she simply drops off the face of this cruel capitalistic world and my son and I can live happily everafter. Glad I found this site!
December 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
It’s unfortunate that some people cannot move on with their lives. In turn, they take innocent children and use them in any way possibe to get vengeance. It was such a disappointment coming to the realization that the courts don’t care how a man who is controlling and has what I believe to be BPD affects you period and still believes that a SPP is still the best thing for our 2 boys. He’s always confrontational, rufuses to communicate any other way than verbally (in which he insults and degrades me), and constantly plays games . He’s smart enough not to cross the line so everything is “he said, she said”. He has our boys living in this fantasy world with unrealistic expectations. It breaks my heart knowing what an impact he has in our boys. He is one of the cruelest people I have ever met in my life.
December 8th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
I don’t think that these stories are specific to men or women. The behavior is specific to a personality type. Typically, this type of person is emotionally immature and unable to be compassionate and fair. This type of person does not understand how their actions impact others, such as their children. This person is too self-centered to care.
Our story is much like the one originally posted. Is there not a way to document the long history of events and establish a pattern? Then, submit the documentation to the courts?
I’ve been pondering this nightmare project for awhile. I have 6.5 years of court battles and specific actions that precede the court proceedings which are mostly initiated by the “psycho” ex.
Anybody want to brainstorm what such a document should look like and what should be included as essential?
December 8th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Lisa - sad to say, the courts neither have the time nor the inclination to read the volumes of information it would take to establish a “pattern” of behavior. Their operation is to move people through the courts like cattle and move on to the next victims.
When dealing with family court, you unfortunately have to deal with the “here and now” and unless it’s an obviously willful violation of a judge’s order (and sometimes not even then) or something that puts the children in harm’s way imminently - they’re simply not going to entertain your efforts.
December 9th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
The best way we’ve been able to establish the pattern, on record, in our custody-change matter, is to pay $11,000 to a court-appointed evaluator to investigate and update a report over two years’ time. This person will be taking her summary and recommndation to the judge. I understand this certainly isn’t an option to many, if not most, people. Also, guiding one’s attorney or learning to do the legal work onself, are invaluable. We’re literally charting our evidence into simplified categories, then listing the corresponding evidence in Index format.
December 28th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Your site is great, but I need real help with this problem that I have with my ex-wife. I know for a fact that she is bipolar. I need a checklist or something that I can do when she shows no regard for the consent order (insults, taking our son out of state without my knowledge, etc.) Lies to her now present husband about how I attack her. I’ve moved on, but somehow she has not. She is very mean.
January 15th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
I have a good one! Father gains sole custody 5 years ago, psycho mother only has monitored visits bi- weekly. Of which it’s bee almost two years since she’s seen the children. All is good kids are now19,16,and15. Well now the “psycho” has decided to send my husband business partners and family members photos of her in her bra and g-string, yuck! I don’t know what else could be crazier. The torrorizing and harrassment never stops! God forbid she does the right thing maybe call her kids, send the a card, or even set up a visit, nope. I think she gets a sick satisfaction creating turmoil for my husband. It will be funny to show this to a judge, I wonder how that will go! I’ll post it!
January 18th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Well, lots of good information found here. It’s all redundant b/c my experience is all the same. I have 2 daughters now 9 and 10. Been divorced from Psycho with BPD for over 4 years. Attorney and court fees are now North of $40,000. Here is a twist…not only do I have to defend myself against her, but her parents as well. They are her bank roll, they pay all her bills b/c she is still unemployed. But, I was once the son that they had never had. I was gold to them while I was bank-rolling their daughter. Hey, she was off their payroll for awhile. But, when I left her, I didn’t foresee the vengence from such “christian” people, they would have you believe.
I found out my Ex was an alcoholic only after 4 months of marriage. Her father called me from our house one night to tell me that his daughter, my wife, was very lethargic and not responding to him. I hurried home from work to find her totally drunk out of her mind. He didn’t seem surprised that this was my conclusion. While he was searching the house for evidence, she lost consciousness and quit breathing. I dropped her on the floor to do CPR and she took a gasp. She did this a few times until EMT’s arrived. At the hospital, she was found to have a BAC of 3.1 and was also told she was about 8 weeks pregnant.
So, what does the Good Guy do? He tries to support his deceitful wife and tells her that this will be an experience that will help us grow together. Down the road, I was deceived time and time again. As it turns out, she was an Addict. I mean had an addictive peronality. This allowed her to be addicted to anything that could be destructive to a relationship, which is basically the definition of BPD. She used alcohol, credit cards, the bank account, RX drugs, the computer, pseudo physical ailments, etc., to constantly disrupt the harmony of a relationship and draw attention to herself. DON’T YOU ALL FEEL MY PAIN TOO?
Shortly before the divorce filing, she pulled a publicity stunt by putting a gash in the back of her head and claiming that I had attacked her at home. I didn’t know this until I pulled onto my neighborhood street and saw 7 police cars, a fire truck, and an ambulance in front of my house. I had to park down the road and walk to my house. I saw my young girls standing with a female officer in the garage. I heard other officers saying “that must be him, the husband right there.” I asked what was going on. They said they needed to talk to me. I immediately put them on the phone with a co-worker who verified I had just left work 20 minutes earlier. They concluded I was not involved. The ER doctor concluded that the wound was self-inflicted.
There would be yet another pseudo-suicide attempt after that…just for attention, though, not for real. Then, there the time when the school finally called me to discuss all the concerns for my girls while they are in the care of thier mother. There was even a thought that a degenerate boyfriend who had slept over with the Ex while she had the girls might have had inappropriate contact with my youngest. It turned out not to be true, but the thought was there. The girls had been late to school like 9 times in 3 weeks and missed 3 days altogether. My Ex Psycho was failing miserably at the most basic level of care for children.
So, one would think…Dad has a good job, stable home, very responsible, and loves and nurtures the children, and is truly concerned for their posisitive growth and development; the girls should be put in his posession for thier own safety. Well,,,,,,it happened through Child Protective Services. But, for only 10 days. The Psycho Ex claimed I had violated a restraining order by showing up at the house to get the girls picked up and to school, albeit, late one day. HA! How absurd, right! Wrong, the jugde reversed the CPS order and gave her visitation back.
A year later, the Ex almost kills herself again, like in the hospital with only a 30% to live. She survives. I get temporary full custody in the meantime. She recovers, and actually appears to have had an epiphany. I agree to go back to joint visitation while i maintain “domiciliary status,” decision making rights. My attorney screws this one up for me and I end up getting nothing. So, I am still on the band wagon just fighting for what is best for my girls. I finally have an attorney that i trust and seems to be on the cynical side of family law. He isn’t in favor of being the pony handler for his clients while dragging them across the show floor in the courtroom.
He doesn’t appease other attorneys with all the standard legal form language in communications. He lays everything out for me in simplistic lay person language. He doesn’t waste my time and money on petty requests from her attorney. My attorney is highly intelligent, unassuming, but full of confidence. He is great with angles and I am hanging my hat on him.
WE may not change the landscape of family court laws and procedures, or we may not change the fleecing of divorce parties, but if you can find a lawyer in your area like I have found, you will feel much better. It took me $32,000 to finally find this guy, though. Your shame is my shame…and your frustration is my frustration. But, KEEP FIGHTING FOR WHAT THE CHILDREN DESERVE. Let the crooked judges and ring leader lawyers rot in hell when they get there!
This was just an excerpt from my book that I am preparing to publish on Ebay - one chapter at a time!
January 19th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Well, many familiar stories. I’m not going to take sides there are terrible ex’s of both sex’s. MY dear ex is diagnosed Bi-Polar, was hospitalized 8 days last fall, got out, and dropped the nuke of false accusations and made my life hell for months, while I was stripped of contact. Is in Contempt interfering with or preventing phone visits, and is maliciously attacking me on any front possible, ( with assistance from psycho family members ) fake postings on websites, fake “confessions” impersonating CPS, harassing friends and family members, sending damaging Emails to employers, and the Court is too afraid to do the right thing. My son is 6, and the investigators found that he misses me terribly and that she made up false accusations, and still I wait and beg. The system is insane. If any fathers have any advice re: Washington state Courts, I would be grateful.
Sleepless and missing my little guy in Seattle
Prayer for our kids
1GoodDad
January 19th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Hello, I just found you site and I find it very interesting. I would like to share my store, but I didn’t know where the best place to share it. Should I put something on the message boards or leave a comment?
Thanks!
January 19th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Melissa,
The forums is a great place to post and get feedback from others going through such troubles. You could also send it to me directly and I’ll consider using it as a future “Reader’s Stories” article.
January 25th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
What a relief to find your personal account. The recreation of the past you mentioned… it’s hard when someone b-sh*t’s you like that about your own kid. There are days that even thinking about similar events makes me feel ill. It’s painful to be ready and willing to make your best, most considerate compromises, and have the other party set themselves on a pedestal, occasionally putting out carrots but never really conceding to anything. I’ve tolerated even bad parenting behavior, not making a peep about it, to not undermine the other party knowing that no parent will do a perfect job. Instead of appreciating this, they’ve started doing things to my kid I’m 100% convinced, due to their timing and nature, are intentional to make me feel protective but unable to protect. I’m to the point that I’ve given up even bothering to negotiate. I know agreements at this points, if they happen, are just delay tactics. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Your new partner is an angel for supporting you through this process. I’ve given up dating, figuring understanding people like that are few and far between.
January 31st, 2010 at 11:13 pm
Oh, my God. We’ve been through such hell b/c of a mentally ill ex-spouse, just like the other folks posting here. All I can do is offer the comfort that things DO get better with time. The kids grow up and become less vulnerable, and everything becomes less scary — you will get free from your PEW eventually. A wise counselor told us that my husband will always be considered evil by his ex, b/c he left her. Even though she psychologically tormented him to the point he was either going to have a breakdown, or leave. He chose to leave, so that his children would have at least one sane parent. In her sick world, he was supposed to go on taking her abuse forever. These people don’t see shades of gray, just black and white. The counselor helped us accept the situation, stop struggling, and we are working to reclaim our lives. Like another poster said, when the psycho ex is spreading false rumors about you, remember, God knows the truth, and the truth always comes out eventually. Good luck, everyone….
February 1st, 2010 at 5:01 pm
I was surfing the web looking for information on ex’s brainwashing their teens and found you guys. OMG…what a relief to know I am not alone. Hubby’s ex is back in court for the 4th time in 10 years for custody of her 15yo. She left the child when she was 3. I came along at 4 & it has been hell on wheels ever since. Now that the child started high school, mom is doing everything in her power to make said child want to move in with her. And it’s working. Child is telling guardian that she wants to move. We have done all the hard work, now Mom wants all the credit. Thanks for letting me sound off.
February 1st, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Pearl!
You’re so right! I totally agree with everything you wrote. Have heart Sandra B. it gets better as the children age and the sad thing is that kids already know something isn’t right. They can tell when their mom or dad is in the wrong. They love them because they’re their parent but they know something’s not right. My two stepdaughters are in the same boat but because they’re teens they now know that they don’t have to attend that pity party. My husband and I provide for them, they know we’ll give stability and they appreciate that. We’ve been put through such a roller coaster ride but at least watching them be able to break patterns matters. They think twice because they’ve seen bad behavior and what it’s cost. Every day can be a struggle but it’s worth it.
February 8th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
Awesome site! I’ve been dealing with a psycho ex-wife for 4 years now. I went to court today and she said that if I have money to buy a book that I was reading I should have money to put a $250,000 life insurance policy on myself. She’s been fighting me in court because the financial stress she’s put me through plus the emotional stress has put me on LTD with a nervous breakdown. Her child support went from 1285 a month down to $1000 and she completely lost all her marbles (not like she really had any before) I’m trying to establish a new relationship and support my kids plus help out with my step daughters and i’m forced to use food banks and have car payments bounce. It’s not bad enough that I had to file bankruptcy from having bad credit because I never had enough money to cover support. She seems to think that I have a money tree in my backyard. It’s really affecting my relationship with my kids too cause she’s telling them that i’m a deadbeat dad (didn’t realize that deadbeats payed 1000 a month in child support but anyway) I’d love to get involved on this site so send me an e-mail
February 9th, 2010 at 5:57 am
Ok so you are all annoyed over women…. I get it… Men can be just as vindictive too! I am a mother of 7. I have 2 step children, 1 child from a previous relationship and 4 from the marriage i am in, My partner has had a hell of alot of problems with his ex partner in regard to the children and she found all types of ways to make our life unbearable - until we stopped letting her. My ex husband sees his son whenever he wants - we have no court orders between us. As he works long hours and is often out of town we agreed that I should be the caregiver of the child. I have never stopped him from seeing his son and have not withheld phone calls or gifts or any other form of contact… We all ahve a great relationship - so this has been an extrememly lucky situation. Adults need to push their feeling for each other aside and do what is best for the child not what is best for their needs.. Its called being mature… some of you should try it. I am well aware of the psycho ex phenomonom. But that hatred had to start somewhere - it isn’t right for them to behave in this manner and involve the children but you can’t all sit there and act angelic as if you did nothing wrong - try rectify the wrong that you made with the ex and things will get alot smoother. My partner admitted that he was at fault for many of his ex’s grievences. Like I said before it may not be right for them to act like that but it stems from both parties - so try share the balme and play nicely - our kids are benefiting from it.
February 9th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Shaneen - maybe you should do some reading about personality disorders before you make the excuse that someone “must have done something” to trigger all of the hate and antics. Reality is… sometimes that’s simply not the truth. “Share the blame” is a convenient out for people who really don’t understand the depth of insanity that comes from dealing with someone who is just hard-wired for conflict and chaos.
February 12th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
[...] The Psycho Ex Wife is the true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who we suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband’s new partner. We are not simply anti-mother or pro-father … Read more [...]
February 16th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
WOW!! This website is amazing!! You wouldn’t believe some of the horrors my boyfriend deals JUST to be able to see his daughter! His ex is a bi-polar, psychotic, EVIL BITCH. Flat out. Cruel and harmful and doesn’t care about her daugher’s emotional well-being. Why don’t the courts try to help the GOOD fathers?? He pays his child support weekly and takes his daughter every weekend and she ADORES him! Are there any more resources that might help my boyfriend?? When does it end??
March 6th, 2010 at 8:58 am
thank the lord i’m not alone! my partners ex is ruining our lives! i try to be strong but the stress takes over and i take it all out on him. i know its bad and unfair - i just find it very hard to cope with! His youngest boy enjoys being around me but i feel as though the oldest boy acts as a spy when he visits us! He gets rewarded if he takes home the goods to his mum ie: £130 football boots for telling all that was said during a visit! We’ve jailed her twice - doesnt make any difference - she’s told him she’ll either see him dead or in the gutter! The 2 boys have a look in their eyes like life has let them down - its heart breaking! i’ve got a son too and he’s been protected from all this - he’s such a happy boy - i worry that he’ll be resented by them. i wish i could find a way to fix it for everyone. sometimes i think my partner should go back to her for the sake of the boys. obviously he never would but she’s no intention in going away! she’s made it her goal in life to ruin his!!
March 6th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Be careful… be very, very careful. This is a great site, and there is hope and help, but I’ve been through the same hell, and have a few words of advice and caution. First, you need to get the facts in your state. I’m not a lawyer, although with all I’ve paid I could have put myself through law school. My situation was extreme, and while I have sympathy for people with emotional issues, it’s crucial that you don’t allow them to drag you, your kids, and those you love down into their hellish nightmare. Most of us wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t already tried for years to help the PEX. That’s a given. But after that, you need to simply survive.
I ended up with sole custody, thank god. But my ex also played the court system, and after I got custody she used her alcoholism to get herself voluntarily declared incompetent, quit her job, and therefore can’t pay child support, and gets alimony from me. And the legal system actually condones this. I lost every asset I had, and am filing for bankruptcy right now, all to support an alcoholic who does nothing. Her rights are actually greater than my son’s. It defies belief.
So here’s just my advice of what to watch out for with a PEX…
1. False allegations - it could be regarding your kids, your alleged abuse of her, anything. Document everything. Tape record her if it’s legal in your state, save emails. Call the cops first if you have a halfway good reason.
2.Be the first to file a complaint with the police. Don’t be nice, be firm, don’t drop the charges, don’t give in, ever.
3. File a restraining order. Any threat or harrasment can work, and a PEX often makes a lot of them without even thinking. Learn what’s effective, you’d be surprised how little it takes. Represent yourself by going to the court and filing the complaint. Present your case simply, with proof or witnesses.
You can also use a restraining order in place of a divorce, at least temporarily. It keeps her away, and gives you time to get your plans together.
4. Get custody by being a good parent. Don’t badmouth the X or spouse to the kids, but do explain to them what’s going on in simple, honest terms. The kids are SMART, and they will see the truth. Talk to the court appointed guardian and get close to them, they will essentially make the decision.
5. Be wary of lawyers. I’ve dealt with 4, and even the best of them didn’t give a damn about anything but getting paid. Question them, use email as much as you can, take copious notes so they know you can call them on it when they’re wrong or reverse themselves. soemtimes you need them, and I essentially had to use them. Remember, it is an INDUSTRY, and guess who makes the laws? Lawyers. The ultimate example of the fox in the henhouse.
6. Don’t expect justice from the justice system. If you can leverage your PEX in any way, do it. But because she’s pyscho, logic probably won’t have much to do with it. But it’s worth a try. Find what’s important to her, and get control of it.
7. After you get custody, move. To another country if you must. Make sure you’re in a state that’s friendly to your situation and divorce. Avoid NY, MA, and I think TN. Make sure it’s no fault divorce.
8. Let your PEX know, in simple, calm terms that you will always be one step ahead of her, and that there are serious consequences when she tries to mess with you or your kids. And then, back it up with action. This helped me a lot. She was petrified of going to jail after I hauled her ass to court for violating the restraining order. and it was a relatively harmless violation, but it was a violation nonetheless. She knew I would take it all the way, and that’s how I got custody. But beware… me getting custody also helped absolve her of child support.
9. Stay close with the PEX’s family, friends, at all costs. No matter how unreasonable they seem. This was a big mistake I made, I became tired of how they’d question me, seemed to believe her crazy false allegations, and sided with her. If I’d stayed closer eventually they would have seen through her lies, as my son did right away.
10. If she is playing the “crazy” card and is using that, or disability, or whatever, against you… turn her own argument against her. Get proof that she needs to be instituionalized, and use it against her. Most PEX’s don’t want to go to an institution. If you can prove that she’s repeatedly been a danger to others, that could be the leverage you need.
11. Move on with your life. After 4 years of hell and numerous court battles I have my son, which is all that matters, and he’s growing up in a normal household. But I’ve lost everything financial I ever had, and the lawyers and judges essentially took my son’s college away from him.
Again, this is just my situation, and I hope few actually go through the same hell. For those of you who are the PEX, remember… you reap what you sow. Those of us on the other side would welcome a fair and reasonable solution. Meet us halfway, and you’d be surprised how much better your life can be.
March 9th, 2010 at 12:36 am
Wow…I was surfing the net about grounds for filing for a restraining order that would prevent my boyfriend’s ex wife from going near me or contacting me because I am so tired of her harassment. Last night she rang me several times to tell me she will kills me. My boyfriend was concerned but now thinks it was just empty threats…but given her condition and her drug abuse, I can’t help but worry for myself. It’s so good to stumble upon this site. I always thought that there should be some support site for people in my situation. I would write more, but for now I will read up and learn from other people’s similar situations.
March 16th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
After reading through some of the entries here I say it’s a toss-up on my status. He cheated, got caught, I put him out. Then the games commenced-he would call me and tell me we needed to talk: about her getting pregnant and me moving on in my own apartment(he would pay for) while he raised our kids. Fairly certain this was only to take the rental house from me because by the time he owed me his nickels and dimes he wouldn’t have anywhere substantial to live-and I was right; he moved into a pop-up trailer in her parents backyard. He didn’t really help raise our kids-2a-2p job, ran every time his volunteer fire pager went off, stayed gone just to come home in enough time to go to bed and start all over. Kept telling me after he put her out came back to me (30 days) and my 5 yr old gift later-that he couldn’t get away from her??? And I’m the psycho, umm sure. His kids told him they didn’t want to see him stated why: because he didn’t even know anything about them-routine things like socceer and scouts and they were terrified of her poisoning them when she cooked. He got visitation-eow; that lasted for 4 months. My kids were 15, 13 and 3. I don’t deserve CS—they are owed it. I could see if I was driving around a nice new vehicle, went to have my nails or hair done and the tanning bed all of the time or had mountains of new clothes him or his current (married) girlfriend could have a problem with it but so not the case. It is a vicious cycle with seemingly no end–good luck all