The Psycho Ex Wife

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In yesterday’s post… OOPS! …I Did It Again, PEW was baffled, as usual, by the children’s reaction to my taking them a few days early. What I actually said was much different from what I wanted to say. It… is relegated to a FANTASY EMAIL REPLY (a.k.a. “emails written and unsent”)

PEW,

Here is the bigger picture.

For the most part, they get pretty much everything that they want with you. They don’t get that with me because some of the things that they get/do/engage in with you are not appropriate in my view. I can’t control that. They get WWE. Vacations that you can’t afford while being at risk of losing your home. They stay up too late on school nights. They get to see age-inappropriate movies. They get toys, games, action figures nearly every time you go to the store. Get get get, want want want. They’re not responsible for cleaning up after themselves. They don’t have to get exercise. They get to play videogames for hours on end and watch television for hours on end. They don’t get effectively disciplined. They essentially get to do whatever THEY want, almost all the time (if not - all the time). The list is virtually endless.

I teach them self-discipline. Personal responsibility. Respect for themselves and others. Teamwork. Good sportsmanship. That they cannot be quitters. I MAKE them engage in activities that will teach them very important life-lessons in addition to fun stuff… especially when they think it “sucks” or just “don’t feel like it.” Give a 7- and 9-year old the choice between “all fun and games all the time” and “in addition to fun and games, I have to learn things and help others and do chores” - they will choose “all fun and games all the time.” I’m an adult and that would be my choice, too.

But the biggest reason of all is this: When they whine, cry, and throw temper tantrums when they may have to do something that doesn’t suit their whims - your typical first course of action is to appease them without any real thought. That’s why they freak out. When they do - you immediately jump to their defense or try to find ways to satiate their desires because it’s the quickest way for you to get them just to shut up without “having to be the bad guy.” You said it yourself just the other day. That’s your biggest concern and that’s your biggest problem.

Unfortunately for you - you still haven’t realized that every situation isn’t all about how to make the children have their way. You will continue to be manipulated in that fashion until you do.

~LM