The Psycho Ex Wife

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Folks, this is a really long one.  If you think you’re going to try to do this all in one sitting, better wrap yourself in a Snuggie and have a nice, strong drink at the ready.

Go on, take your time… I’ll wait…

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(This is me, waiting…)

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We often fail to realize “things” when we’re right in the thick of it.  Thus, comes the beauty of hindsight.  You see, PEWs like mine never learn from the past and therefore are always doomed to repeat it.  I annoyingly speak of projection when it comes to PEW, but it simply cannot be helped.  One of the unfortunate by-products of my long layoff in 2007 and my long layoff last year is the dreaded trips to the courthouse for the waste-of-time conferences followed by the inevitable hearings.  Child support has to be adjusted one way or the other (and sometimes not) and this gives PEW the opportunity for PEW to recycle her old tricks, like her magical math that grossly over-inflates child care expenses and health care expenses and whatever else it is she can fabricate in an effort to maximize the child support number.  It’s especially nice for her when her fictional figures get rolled into the equation by the courts, because when she doesn’t actually incur those expenses, that’s cash-money directly into her pocket.

Dateline, early 2006. As discussed in general many times in the past, I had grown tired of being “ripped off” by PEW’s magical math.  I also had grown tired of “taking the (bullshit) high road” and simply sacrificing substantial credits due me when things were to be righted, just to avoid going to court.  While I wasn’t particularly smart and certainly not in low-contact mode, I was definitely trying to rattle the cage by calling her on her fuzzy math, even when it was just blowing smoke to expose her lies.

It was tax time and I was foolishly relying on PEW for some information I needed to do taxes.  I requested the tax ID numbers of the school, the church (for S2’s pre-k), and the babysitter she reportedly was paying $165/week to watch S2 for three half-days per week.  This was not good for either PEW or “Janice” because I was blustering about claiming my percentage of childcare costs that were part of the CS figure.

PEW wasn’t giving it, not only because she flat-out didn’t pay Janice what she had told the court, but Janice would also have to report the amount PEW told the court, every single week, as income… did I mention every single week for the school year?  Looks like this was a serious catch-22.  While ultimately I let it drop, her lies to compound her lies might make for great reading.  At the same time, you can have a chuckle about how ridiculous high-contact continued to make me look.  We’ll pick it up after the initial requests and back-and-forth…  I had called her on the figures she gave to the court and she replied:

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From the “cyber email bag” came another profound email reply that will never be sent, but will be shared with as many people as we reach just the same.  It will reach people who will learn the importance of good family and great friends and how wonderful a loving support system is to getting through and beyond the mayhem that a psycho ex can bring down upon you. Thank you, “sadie”, for your submission.

Dear PEW,

Have you ever wondered why you keep “winning” the battles and losing the war? Have you wondered why your best efforts to deliver that fatal blow to my and DF’s relationship and our relationship with SS’s never hits the mark? Why it is that all the chaos and misery you fire into our lives doesn’t keep us from enjoying a strong relationship, a happy family life with our kids, and a loving and supportive home? It’s because you aren’t what you think you are.

You don’t have the power to destroy people’s lives. You have the power to make others feel unhappy, insecure, angry, but guess what? We normal people have the power to bring happiness, security, and peace to each other. So, you take your shots, cause some conflict, some hurt, some anxiety, and then we all step in and undo it with compassion, patience, and love for each other.

You don’t have the power to change people from who they are to what you want them to be. You can run them down, and make up lies about them, but guess what? We normal people have the power to celebrate and appreciate each other for being who we are. So, you take your shots and cause others to feel badly and doubt themselves, and then we all step in and undo it with admiration and respect for each other.

Everything you do is tossing pebbles at a mountain. You can’t win because you aren’t enough of a person to win. You simply don’t have what it takes, and you never will.

Sincerely,
The Normal Ones

Amen.

Anyone else have occasional problems regarding “unreimbursed medical expenses?”  I already know you probably do.  I’m not sure what chapter unreimbursed medical expenses is in the Divorcing a High-Conflict Spouse Manual.  I just know that it’s in yours.

This is the wrap-up of a story that actually started in the post Following a Path from Dentistry to Impotence and extended a little further in 2005 Thanksgiving & Christmas Planning Debacle, Part III and Part IV.  Overall, the unreimbursed medical expenses issue hasn’t actually been a big one in our history.  This circumstance was different because PEW used the incorrect insurance cards for the boys’ cleaning.  When it was repeatedly getting rejected, she had to pay out of pocket for the services and then expected me to repay her for the unreimbursed medical expenses “on demand.”  No surprise there.  Well, I couldn’t, but I did extend effort effort and courtesy to get the situation rectified with the actual dental insurance carrier.  An unfortunate clerical issue permitted this issue to drag on for months.  It started in October 2005, continued through December of 2005 (obviously) and didn’t conclude until almost February of 2006.

In the former post, I simply suggested that I would file the claim “long-hand”, submit the paperwork, and just send her the check when I got it.  For obvious reasons, they wouldn’t send a check to her.  My insurance.  My claim.  My check.  I had no problem giving her the money, but I certainly wasn’t going to pay the immediate price for her oversight.  She would have to wait.

In the latter post, by November 21st, 2005, she was asking me to call the insurance company and expedite payment directly to her.  In Part IV of that series, there is a little more where I explain that the insurance company had no record of her submitting the claim form I sent her, so nothing was done.  In light of this news, I had them email me a new one and took care of sending in the information myself.  This was interpreted by the PEW as me “sticking it to her.”  It doesn’t matter to such a self-centered freak that her failure to use the appropriate insurance cards led to the issue in the first place.  It also didn’t matter that she probably never sent in the claim form to have the matter rectified.  Yep, that’s me sticking it to her.

Just after Thanksgiving, 11/28/2005, comes this:

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