The Psycho Ex Wife

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Perhaps my most favorite of the Christmas Carol Series (I dare you to try singing this with the same bubbly enthusiasm as the original and not laugh your ass off), another JB submission that had me crying tears of laughter on more than one occasion already this holiday season - and that’s what this is all about…

She’s A PEW - sung to the tune of Let It Snow…

Oh, her e-mails are always frightful,
And her threats are all so spiteful,
She loves to just trash-talk you…
She’s a PEW, she’s a PEW, she’s a PEW…

Money-grubbing it is her forte,
Manipulation gets her own way,
You are frightened, you should be, too…
She’s a PEW, she’s a PEW, she’s a PEW.

When she finally goes to court
How she loves to lie to the judge;
She keeps asking for more and more…
All her life she’ll hold onto this grudge.

Unrelenting access denial,
PAS, always her style,
She’ll turn the kids against you…
She’s a PEW, she’s a PEW, she’s a PEW.

The real version, from the great Dean Martin:

Stay tuned for #4 in the Christmas Carol Series: Oh, Come All Ye Hateful

#2 in the Psycho Ex Christmas Carol Series, comes the compilation from reader GGRR and Mister-M, sung to the tune of Silent Night.  The Christmas Carol Series is our morbid attempt to add a little levity to the lives of those preparing for the struggle that often accompanies the holiday season dealing with a high-conflict psycho ex-wife or psycho ex-husband.

Let’s call this one: Un-Silent Night

Silent night, Things are all right
PEW’s in church, “seeing the light,”
Two weeks later she’s back to her tricks
Terror and threats thrown into the mix,
Then a cruel ema-il bla-ast,
Silence can ne-e-ver last…..

Silent night, not quite right!
Neighbors quake, at her sight
Profanities stream from e-ven afar
People just know for the course this is par
Christ, please save-us from ha-arm
Christ, please save-us from harm…..

Silent night, chaos and fright
Damn it to hell, I want things to be nice
Duplicate gifts, she’s such a disgrace
Have to be firm, boun-da-ries are in place
Will she e-ver real-ize
No-one believes all of her lies…..

The beautiful real version, as sung by Bing Crosby:

Up next, #3 in the Christmas Carol Series, She’s A PEW.

On the suggestion of a reader and after reading some submissions and laughing our asses off, we’ve decided to do a Christmas Carol Series to celebrate the holidays at ThePsychoExWife.com. Expect that it will be done to add a little levity to the lives of those preparing for the struggle that often accompanies the holiday season dealing with a high-conflict psycho ex-wife or psycho ex-husband.  We’ll kick it off with a submission offered by JB…

(To the tune of “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)  This one should be called, It’s The Most Blunderful Time of the Year.

It’s the most wonderful t-i-m-e…. of the year.
There’s the cool denigration
The snide commentation,
Destroy your child’s good cheeeeerrr…

It’s the most wonderful time — of the year!

Crush your kids — it won’t matter,
Your ego’s been battered,
You’re making your evil ex pay!
Just ignore their sad faces,
Spew hate - yes, just say it!
They should love YOU best anyway.

It’s the most wonderful time — of the year!

All the grand PASing,
“Oh, was that ‘your’ day?” messing,
And e-mail sarcasm galore.
All the slander and blaming,
Transparent game-playing,
And “I’m taking you back to court!”

It’s the most wonderful t-i-i-m-m-m-e…….

Of The YEAR!!

[frolicky musical flourish]

#2 in the Psycho Ex Christmas Carol Series, Un-Silent Night.

Oh, what a treat when she comes out of nowhere with both barrels a’blazin’!

With the very fewest exceptions, I make the children lunch every single day they are with me.  I rotate their different favorites, toss in a snack, some fruit, and a drink.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Every rare once-in-a-while I get lazy.  Most times I make lunch the night before and have it ready to go.  Fewer times, I make it in the morning during breakfast.  Rarely, I just don’t frigging feel like it and give them each $2.10 to buy the school lunch.

So, imagine my surprise when I get this gem without warning…

LM, If you are having the kids buy lunch when they are with you send them with lunch money. I put money in the account so they can buy when they are with me if I want them to. Last week S2 owed $10 from the previous week that I had to pay so that he could buy. And now I just got low balance notifications, so if they are buying… send money cheapskate!!!

Isn’t it amazing how condescending someone can be when they’re collecting child support from a parent who has more than half of the total custody time, is unemployed and is thus making significantly less money than her?

Originally, I was disinclined to respond, but was curious.  If you remember the Food Deprivation Series, you know that this is a discussion not worth pursuing, but still ironic since less than one year ago, she was encouraging them to buy lunch when they were with me and I was packing lunch.  So I figured I would ask the boys about it.  Smart and savvy they are - it would appear that they occasionally “forget” to use the cash I give them since they are in the habit of just going through the line, giving their pin number and moving on to chow.

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I urge them to “not forget in the future.”

PEW,

I send them with money the rare time I send them without a homemade lunch. One time last week, I left the house without my wallet and I will send them home to you with $4.20 this week. I actually meant to do it last week.

Other than that single time, I always send them with lunch money.

I spoke to the boys this morning and they said that sometimes they forget to use the money when I send it with them, so that might account for the shortfall. Of course, it’s probably in their bank here or there.

Way to overreact like a petulant child, again.

~LM

Yes, I tossed a dig in there.  A rare moment of weakness.  As expected, it comes with another reply.

[drum-roll please...............................................................................]

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It’s the annual rite of passage for most of us dealing with the high-conflict ex-spouse.  It’s exacerbated if you’re dealing with a borderline or other personality disorder.  This holiday season is shaping up to be no different than those past.  They were predominantly chaotic and terror-filled when married to PEW.  It’s simply been status-quo since the split if you’ve followed this blog regularly.

Like clockwork came the pre-Thanksgiving email from PEW which indicated confusion over the holiday schedule.  We have Thanksgiving in odd years, PEW in even years.  If I had to pick one thing that has been clear and consistent since our split - it’s been Thanksgiving.  Her repeated emails this year were met without reply for as long as I could make it happen in keeping with low-contact principles.  I’ve actually gone back several years and reviewed emails in advance of Thanksgiving.  Unsurprisingly, they stop just short of being copied & pasted from one year to the next, this, despite clear language in the court order which details the custodial arrangement during Thanksgiving that has been the one true constant during this entire mess.   The court order reads:

Thanksgiving to include the entire weekend of Thanksgiving. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

It doesn’t get much clearer than that.  It’s what we’ve practiced since 2004, though there have been disruptions along the way.  These are the disruptions we can count on every single year around holiday time.  This year would be no exception (11/10/2009):

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