The Psycho Ex Wife

Have your own psycho ex? Get a FREE Report on "Why Co-Parenting Doesn't Work", or learn how to win child custody with a custody coach.

Whatever your denomination, we sincerely hope that your holiday season is full of love, great friends, amazing family, and that you have a minimum of upset from those who would see fit to sabotage such a great time of year.

From all of us to all of you, may the holiday season be bright, colorful, and your year ahead be better than all those that have passed!

An email like this during the holiday season is about as great a gift to us as one can give.  It’s a gift from the writer to those who live a horrifying life with a personality disordered partner to others who believe there is no hope for themselves.  It’s very serious and illustrates just how far into the depths of despair someone can get when they become a willing captive in a relationship with a person who suffers from borderline personality disorder.  We likely won’t ever get the chance to hear from someone who has gone completely over “that edge.”  Today, we’ll read what it’s like from someone who has gone right to the edge and taken a peek over.  With his permission (edited for various protection purposes)…

Subject: Thank You So Much

Dear LM,

I would personally like to thank you for you have single-handedly saved me from my suicide. It’s been 2 months since I broke up with a girlfriend who suffers from BPD. After the break up I was unaware of how her manipulation had a strong grip on me. Right after the break up, a day after, I felt happy being out the relationship which lasted for 2 years  and 1 month.

I know I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend and I did cheat on her but I can now see why I did it. At  the start of the relationship she rewarded me with sex, items, but never ever true affection. Never having experienced a relationship I thought this was a normal act, but deep down I knew something was wrong with it.

There were times where she would seek to get intoxicated badly, or do some kind of drug so she could “feel normal once more.” I felt an odd vibe but I refused to associate it with any thing bad, even though my brain was screaming “CRAZY GIRL!!!” I was blinded by her reward system. I just ignored the warnings. Another big warning that I pushed aside was how her compliments never held a logical sense, like she was never really there when it was time to compliment and they always were the same thing. “You got a big penis.” “You are the only one that make me feel normal.” “I love.” “You are sexy.” The biggest one I should not have ignored was how she wanted our relationship to move so quickly.  In fact, before she broke up with me, she became upset that I didn’t marry her quicker.  When I told her this pace isn’t a normal pace, she grew even more mad and decided to break up. I was so hurt by her sudden decision that I was thrown in to a deep depression. I think I bombed my school semester. I began to have severe depression and anxiety attacks.  As a matter of fact, I was in such a shock that I started crying in my college math class and the professor excused me because she though I was crying because of the math difficulty.

She went from a woman who showered me with love to a woman who wouldn’t give me closure, would attack my weaknesses, twist my words in to things only she felt, and she took a cruel enjoyment out of hearing me crying and having a break down. I thought I deserved all this because I cheated on her, but little did I know that this wasn’t normal.  The woman I fell in love with was now my tormentor. How did she go from a caring person to a person who didn’t understand how much pain I was in? She heard me pleading with her about how much emotional pain she was putting me through and all I wanted was closure - to say something nice about me before I moved on with my life.  Instead she would tell me how that is not what she wants. I would ask her, “Do you want me to be part of your life?” and she wouldn’t reply any thing that was logical. I was becoming more mentally sick as I struggled with her to the point that I thought I was suffering from borderline personality disorder. Since she also used a lot of projection tactics on me, I was forgetting she was the one diagnosed and took on the role of the abuser.

I was so confused with her attitude that soon after - I became the blamed for not understanding that. “Back off you’re smothering and you don’t care about me.” Isn’t that ironic? Or she’d say, “You only want me for sex and you don’t find me sexy!”  Is that a normal thing to say? I thought I was so insane that I wanted to kill myself.

She lead me to believe I was mentally sick with an illness that lead me to hurt other people for my own pleasure.  This was not true and when I fought back her claims she would grow even more upset. A woman who I loved and care so for so much was tormenting me and I was not able to see through the fog to see her lashing out at me.  If I did, she would justify it by blaming me for cheating. Right when she went back to her home for college break she decided to drop me out of her life like I was not worth it. Blaming me for all her “shitty mood and how she didn’t wanted to deal with it any more.” I didn’t understand how she could throw me away like that after tormenting me. I don’t know why, but at the time my mind just wanted to hold on to her even if she was tormenting me.

I wanted to kill myself and been thinking it for the past week or so in until I found your site. Reading through it and seeing how I can relate to some of the actions you experienced, even though some are not as bad as yours, I was inspired to not end this way - not for a woman who isn’t normal. Never did she appreciated me emotionally.  Instead she appreciated how normal I made her feel/seem because now that I think about it, her biggest fear was that I knew who she really was inside. A sad tormented soul who rarely truly smiles and is slowly losing her grip on reality.  She is slave to her ever changing emotions.

Thank you for granting me a Christian’s gift of inner peace and knowledge and I hope you can inspire more borderline personality victims like myself to not give up.

Happy holidays to you and your family.
From your fan - Another Non-BPD

This was quite a bit to digest. I am grateful to all of those who have seen fit to share their stories with us. If we are able to help people, in some small way, wade through such messes, I give you my word that it’s a priceless gift to us. If we are able to help in bigger ways like this, all the better.

We certainly can give “ANB” our promise that there is a lot of life left to live and a lot of people worthy to share in his life, including family, friends, and other loved-ones. Obviously, it will take considerable time and a lot of work to get life completely turned around, but I give ANB our assurance that it’s the best thing to do. I replied…

Dear ANB,

Please try to take comfort in the reality that you are the furthest thing from the only one going through such turbulent relationships with a disordered significant other.

The most important thing for you to do right now is to get yourself into therapy in an effort to repair the damage done to you and your personality. Get back to the person you once were, get yourself healthy, and put your well-being at the top of your priority list. Getting better after such an unhealthy experience isn’t easy, but people do it every single day with the right guidance and the ability to be completely honest with your therapist in figuring out how things progressed to the point they did before it ended.

Be aware that the split from your ex is just the beginning of turning your life around. More important - is getting to the root of your own issues that allowed you to walk so far down this path and learning to avoid these mistakes in the future.

We’re grateful to have had a part in helping you get started. Now, it’s up to you to get the help you need to climb your way out of that hole and live the rest of your life to the fullest! Surround yourself with great friends, family, and love this holiday season and recognize that there is so much and so many to live for.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. We sincerely hope the New Year for you and everyone is better than all those that passed before it!

Sincerely,
Mister-M

We’ve exchanged some other pleasantries and I hope ANB stays in touch and gets back on track.  This is the foundation for a success story and we pray for ANB - that he continues to climb that mountain back to good health and lives a fulfilling life.

This is what the effort is all about.  And ANB - your story and willingness to share it will help others, too.  Thank you for a wonderful Christmas gift.

For the time being, the number of these types of emails are very few and very far between.  In fact, I think I’ve gotten three total hate mails, all of which I have posted.  This one was clearly a cry for attention and we debated a good deal as to whether or not we would entertain posting it on the blog as it would just feed the beast.  I can easily visualize this writer and his/her friends coming here each day to see if it’s shown up yet so they can brag about how clever they were in “taking Mister-M behind the wood-shed” via an email assault.

Well, I can’t help it.  This is just too funny and, in some ways, quite sad - and we couldn’t pass up the opportunity for the writer to share with his/her buddies how the educational system… or his parents… or his friends… or some combination of all of them have failed them so miserably.

Subject: blown away

To whatever your name is,

.. I wont be holding my breath. But if you do read this, whatever your name may be, selling books and doing wackjob shink analysis to people online is somthing you shouldnt mess with.

I found your sight disgusting. I really feel sorry for your kid and your lucky ex wife. I Think we’ll call those type of women LEW’s. She sure as hell is LUCKY EX WIFE…….We all know why shes crazy, who the fuck wouldnt be?

Im sure that you will keep that nicely underwraps thanks to a little thing called being addicted to pretending to be a shrink. You dont care how bad your advice is dude, you just love the whole “rockstar” syndrome that comes along with putting a book you made with some cheap assed costco software, and a jumblefuck web sight.

I can see your beedy eyes squinting over your laptop, feeling all important, while your in protective custody after one of your fans, flips the fuck out all over your retard ass. Dont even pass yourself off as a shrink dude.

Dear Abbey you are far from Son…

Here, this is what “you would say to you”……

You are doing the “mirror effect” your lookin in the mirror, and the “poor me” life your describing, that you LITERALLY BLAME ON your ex is what you have come to embrace. For a while now im guessing….

How do you look in the mirror? Or at your kid with honesty and love? Your doing the opposite a good co-parent should do. When you put the other parent down ASSHOLE you are putting your child down …..YOUR crazy wife is her mommy…..Deal with it ! Do somthing for others for once instead of for your own glorification….. You obviously dont have alot of family, and your ex obviously doesnt have any family support, because if her brother was half the brother mine is, thats if she had one, he would kick your knobby ass from here to TX.
Heres hoping you pull your head out of your ass…..for your childs sake if anything….

and i dont think your little “PEW” tags gonna be a new word. I bet you tried to patten it. I bet you
made a little entry in Wikapedia didnt you? yeah, so easy…..

Heres one…imagine my hand in the shape of an “L” going up to my forhead. Repeat ever so slowly after me…..L O O S E R . Thats right….Nuf said sugar.

Id be embarassed if you were my dad, then id go CRAZY Karowack on your ass…that little girl doesnt have very good odds dealin with life with a SINGLE parent thats anti co-parenting? Are u kidding me? What an excuse to not get along with the person who was suckered into marrying you.

Your are a very disrespectful iindividual..

Im not even calling you a man…..Disrespectful to mothers, and even fathers who do it out of love.
Parents who are PARENTING arnt constantly seeking a pat on the back for doing the right thing. You want a bunch of money for bashing the mentally ill, and once again i cant stress enough how most anyone would snap with ur garbage if they had to be around you for even a day…

Normal healthy PARENTS DONT WANT to be rewarded for doing somthing “heroic” and they sure as hell dont want to be the meek little victim guy. I cant even call you a man, dude…dam
You really stink of bitterness and tit for tat bullshit.

gag me.

I dare you to put this on your piece of crap low budget “crap for thought” sight.

By the way it was really disgracing to put Dean Martin on there with your fag song, who was known I might add, to be a bitchin dad and family man !!!!!!!
somthing i pray you will “get” someday…… …Im just kidding, im not waistin my thoughts on you..

May your book sales be used to take care of YOUR mental illness when YOUR hospitalized for a couple months. Your gonna need the cash. I bet your LEW wont be talking smack about her father either… Set the example skippy.

That’s the entire message, unedited.  I don’t even know where to begin.   I would go with the easiest wise-crack retorts, such as ask if s/he used a spell-checker before sending this.  I pasted it into MSWord and ran the spell-checker on the email.  It broke.  The engineers at Microsoft are going to have their hands full trying to figure out how this was even possible.

I want to convince myself that the writer of the above email is a pre-teen.  In fact, my reply to the writer was…

Dear [Writer],

You “dare” me?  What are you, 12? Maybe if you “double dog dare” me, I’ll do it.  Think about it.

Sincerely,
Mister-M

This, unsurprisingly, resulted in a follow-up hate-mail where the writer identified themselves as being 15. The problem is, I’ve seen tripe like this from people who are well into their adult years, replete with all of the same spelling errors, failed punctuation, improper word choice, etc. Our children can write with more eloquence and accuracy than this guy/gal, but then we’ve taught our children how to pick up a dictionary and a thesaurus.

My writing, both personally and professionally, is far from the picture of perfection.  This is a disgrace and let this be a lesson to the writer - when you can’t string together a coherent thought in written form, whatever your message may have been will be lost.

Subject: Time to get off the Victim bridge and swim on over to the Accountability shore!

Dear River,

i say that because d’nial aint just a river in Egypt, secondly that reminds me, you might want to break out some step recovery stuff to your lovely fan club. That would at least be refreshingly UNredundant on your part.

I know you dont have the nuts, anyway, Im sure im not the first to be appalled at your rambling, and the fact u have a fan club doesnt surprise me. Unfortunately alot of people will eat any of that crap up to feel ok and just to make sense how they could have “enabeled” that kind of behavior. You see M, YAs Im sure your heart knows, you are just as at fault! Your waisting alot of rehashing crap with a lot of downer emphasis that in no way is benefiting anyone but yourself. Your ego…And your dream of being somekind of selfhelp book dr.Phill in the making. We know thats not your calling. How many years has it been now M/???? 2 frickn many. Wake up! Snap out of it…
I understand that somtimes things dont go the way we want them too. Oh, yeah its called life…you know….

IF you have the balls to post my email, make sure to put [deleted personal info], and put my email too [email deleted]… (notice i didnt put any spaces and stuff so it should go thru to anyone whod like to chat. Im off work now and perhaps somthing good can come out of it. Im not going to pine away over all this shit. I could most certainly draw a crowd and help alot more people then your sorry winney crap does…
Get the tools to rehabilitate, and stop blamming your ex like a little girly man baby. Yes, i do think you must have had a sister or two growing up. Your way too tit for tat honey…
I dont mean to come off so rude, but at the same time im glad i did. Sorry , time to stop blamming everyone and ManUp….

Time to get off the Victim bridge and swim on over to the Accountability shore.

After all, you are a grown up right? In the mean time have whoever go and make you some tea and cookies while you think of somthing really witty to say. Witty to you that is. Im sure it will take some time on your part. You just take your time and let it all out. Purge that garbage out. I can tell your pretty close to the dry heave stage..Most of us who go thru this crap come out of it a little fucked up, but god willing were better people for it. I just cant help but sense a serious pompus ass. I couldnt help myself, my bad.. And guess what honey, My story is just as said and horrible and devistating as yours, and you dont see me cashing in on it. You my friend, have a mental illness just like your lovely ex. Just a different strain in the brain…

“terrorist” wife? Whatever dude.

by the way, Im not twelve, Im fifteen.

~[Name deleted]

Good grief.  So, I offer this writer a few scant seconds of fame via this website.  Lord knows, with their mastery of the English language and writing skills that would make a toddler’s doodling look like Hemingway  - this is about as good as life is going to get for this one.

Keep in mind that these are the types of people who are throwing their support behind the PEW.

Sincerely,

Pompous Ass

#5 in the Psycho Ex Christmas Carol Series, creativity continues to abound as we offer the bastardized version of Here Comes Santa Claus.  The Christmas Carol Series attempts to add a little levity to the lives of those preparing for (or by this time - fully involved in) the struggle that often accompanies the holiday season dealing with a high-conflict psycho ex-wife or psycho ex-husband.

Behold the light and bubbly - Here Comes Psycho’s Claws

Here comes Psycho’s Claws!
Here comes Psycho’s Claws!
Right down Psycho’s Claws Lane!
Crankin’ and Bitchin’ in all her venom
Delivering so much pain.
Brains are stinging, her poo flinging;
All that’s scary and fright.
Hang your head and say your prayers,
‘Cause Psycho’s Claws comes tonight.

Here comes Psycho’s Claws!
Here comes Psycho’s Claws!
Right down Psycho’s Claws Lane!
She’s got a bag that’s filled with insults
For bios and steps again.
Hear those curse words, see her flip birds,
What a beautiful sight.
Jump in bed, cover up your head
‘Cause Psycho’s Claws comes tonight!

SING IT!  Gene Autry’s original on a vintage player:

#4 in the Psycho Ex Christmas Carol Series, manibeaux started this one and Mister-M provided some additional touches.  This one is sung to the tune of Oh, Come All Ye Faithful.  This version should probably be called Oh, Come All Ye Hateful.

Oh come all ye hateful,
Come and bring the children,
Trash-talk and scream at me
In front of the kids.
Say I’m a liar,
Cheater and a loser.
“Oh come let us abhor him,
Oh come let us abhor him,
Oh come let us abhor him,
He sucks as a dad!”

O Sing, Mother of the Year,
Sing about your greatness,
Sing all that in the neighborhood, your unholy words.
Take from their Father, children loved so deeply;
“Oh come let us abhor him,
Oh come let us abhor him,
Oh come let us abhor him,
He sucks as a dad!”

All Hail! PEW, run from thee,
Born this nasty morning,
O Father! for evermore be thy name abhored.
Word of the Mother, too often believing;
“Oh come let us abhor him,
Oh come let us abhor him,
Oh come let us abhor him,
He sucks as a dad!”

The more pristine and more lyrically correct holiday version as sung by Twisted Sister:

Christmas Carol #5 awaits… Here Comes Psycho’s Claws