The Psycho Ex Wife

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The monotony that was our discussions continued from Part 5.  I sound ridiculous.  She sounds ridiculous.  We repeatedly go over and over and over the same old bullshit.  This phone call I initiated.  She had the option  of coming to get the children.  If she wasn’t coming, I was going to make plans for the day.

PEW:: Hello?
LM: Good morning
PEW:: Good morning, what’s up?
LM: Well I called to, well first, everybody got their recorders on?
PEW:: Yep
LM: Okay good, I got my recorder on, you know, so everything stays accurate and truthful. Ah, tell me what’s up, are you coming down to get them?
PEW:: I want to meet you in [exchange point], LM.
LM: I can’t do that
PEW:: Why not?
LM: The same stuff I explained last night, I’m not going through it again
PEW:: Okay well then let me talk to S1 and tell him that his dad just decided
LM: Oh no, you’re not gonna tell him any such thing
PEW:: Yes well cuz that’s what happened
LM: That’s not what happened
PEW:: Daddy was supposed to bring you home, daddy decided not to
LM: No that’s not what happened, daddy has simply said to mommy that the boys can come home any time you want on Sunday, that’s what I’ve maintained. I didn’t tell him what you allege I told him, and I didn’t tell you what you allege I told you
PEW:: Well I got it in writing so don’t worry
LM: Okay
PEW:: Anyway
LM: You have it in writing but won’t send it to me where I said I was going to bring them home to [you].
PEW:: No, we’re going to court on Wed
LM: Okay
PEW:: Okay so you think that you…
LM: Well I gave you the opportunity, I said, hey if I made a mistake and said I was gonna bring them back to [you], send it to me
PEW:: Well first of all why would I ever say I was coming to pick them up in [LM's house], what kind of idiot would do that?
LM: The kind of idiot who says she misses her kids, that’s what kind of idiot
PEW:: You’re trying to play with my emotions
LM: No I’m not doing any such thing. I gave you two viable options. Sunday is exchange day, or whatever day you wanna call it. If you miss your kids…
PEW:: You are seriously…
LM: …and you want the kids, come get them
PEW:: Well I’ll tell you what LM…
LM: I have to come up to [there] anyway on Tuesday.
PEW:: Umhmm
LM: If you can’t come down and get them today I’ll bring them up on Tuesday
PEW:: Well let me tell you something right now LM, I think that you are seriously, seriously, mentally disturbed, and I’m going to ask my lawyer, I don’t care how much it costs, I’ll sell this house, and I will make sure that you never get to take them out of the state again, ever
LM: Please don’t call me names
PEW:: Ever, that’s where we are going on Wednesday. Okay, just so you know when you get to court my position is they should never ever go out of state again because of this
LM: Because of this
PEW:: And because of you hurting them emotionally, physically, yes

False allegations.  A mainstay of the psycho ex-wife.  I won’t accede to her demands.  When I don’t - the accusations of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse come to the fore.

LM: What are you talking about?
PEW:: You can’t be trusted, you’re a sociopath
LM: I’m a sociopath?
PEW:: Is that right?
LM: Yes
PEW:: Did you get that on tape?
LM: Please dispense with the name calling
PEW:: It’s not a name it’s a diagnosis okay?
LM: You’re not qualified to make a diagnosis
PEW:: And until you are evaluated by a real psychologist, or psychiatrist I’m not letting the kids come down there. There is something, seriously, seriously wrong with you.

As if she had that authority or power…

(more…)

This part in the series is less about a discussion with the children and more about the forthcoming exchange after my interrupted week of vacation, a mess that was detailed in Custodial Interference Can Screw Vacation Plans.  During this week of phone calls in 2005, PEW tried to get the children to beg me to come home early and also told them that I had promised to bring them all the way back to her on Sunday, which simply wasn’t true.  Rather than cave-in, I appropriately explained the situation to the kids as a misunderstanding, but that PEW was either going to come get them on Sunday or I would deliver them to her when I came up that following Tuesday as I had to be in town for court anyway.  Still, she was relentless in trying to badger me to change my mind. (Click here to review Part 4.)

PEW: Hello
LM: Good evening
PEW: LM, you gotta tell me that you’re kidding me about this
LM: Oh, before we get started are we exchanging our mutual recording edicts
PEW: Yes
LM: You got your recorder on?
PEW: Yes, yes
LM: Okay good, why would I be kidding
PEW: Because, it’s, like you know that this wasn’t part of the agreement, it’s not fair, it’s not fair to do that to me, it’s not fair to do that to them
LM: Do what to you, do what to them?
PEW: I’ll meet you in [halfway exchange location], but to say that I have to drive all the way down there, that’s not fair, when the deal was that you were gonna bring them home on Sunday.

Guilt-tripping is a favorite tactic of a PEW.  Once you recognize it and don’t let it affect you, it’s a major-fail.  When guilt-tripping doesn’t work, just resort to creating a fictional “deal” that never happened, because that might work.

LM: Maybe in your head that was the deal, there was no deal, I didn’t make any deal with you about who was picking and dropping them off.
PEW: Well I have e-mails that say that you are going to drop them off on Sunday.
LM: No you don’t
PEW: Yes I do
LM: Well then if you do, send them to me
PEW: No
LM: And I’ll correct my mistake
PEW: Okay, I will, it might take me a couple minutes to find them but
LM: Not ones that say you can pick them up anytime Sunday, or they can come home anytime you want Sunday, ones that say “I’m going to bring them back to you”. There’s a difference. I didn’t tell S1 any such thing, but I know you told S1 that. I never told you I was bring the kids back to [your house], never

This was the truth and I would have kept my word, too.  If she could produce a single email or even a recording where I specifically told her that I would bring the children all the way back to her or even meet half-way - I would absolutely do it.  The truth is, it never happened and I knew she wasn’t going to produce such an email.  Still, she persisted in believing that she had them.

(more…)

In part 3 of the phone call series, PEW had ramped up her efforts to interfere with my parenting time by telling the children to ask me to bring them home early.  In addition to that, she went through the usual negative talk and prompting the kids to cry and complain about their time with us.  It’s abundantly clear from the discussions that she couldn’t care less about anything positive that might be going on with them, actively dismissing any talk of fun times and interesting things they were doing.

While I didn’t know it at the time of the last call, I had inquired about how their discussion turned so negative and PEW flat-out lied about what was said on the phone.  By this call the following night in July of 2005, I had listened to the recording and discovered the depth of her efforts and he lyi

PEW: Hello?
LM: Hello. It’s me calling.
PEW: Hello. Recording!
LM: Yeah?
PEW: Yeah.
LM: You are huh?
PEW: Yeah, I just wanted to let you know.
LM: Okay. I’m lettin’ you know, too. Uh, I’m also letting you know that I spoke to S1 last night about, uh, why it’s important for him to spend meaningful time with me until Sunday and contrary to your assertion last night on the phone, what he told me was that you told him to ask me.
PEW: He said he wanted to come home and I said you have to ask daddy.
LM: I don’t think that’s what took place, PEW.

Actually, I know what took place because S1 told me straight what had taken place.

(more…)

So we’re dealing with the second extended stay with me for the summer of 2005 and the daily phone calls have turned into the PEW imposing negativism on the children regarding their time with us.  Additionally, she uses these phone calls as efforts to perform what I term a type of custodial interference.  How so?  Well, what the manipulative mother does is buy the children things… toys, games, animals, what-have-you and then tell the youngsters about them.  It doesn’t take much to get a 4-year old and a 6-year old very excited.  When you tell the children about such treats when they are away from you, well then their focus becomes the goodies which await their return.  As you might imagine, the rest of their time with me would be spent obsessing about getting home to their gifts.

In Part1, it starts small.  In Part 2, she increases her efforts slightly.  In Part 3, she’ll put her work into full effect.

After our usual “the call is being recorded” exchange and acknowledgments, S1 goes first…

PEW: How you doing?
S1: Good
PEW: What did you do today?
S1: Um, we went to the park that’s all
PEW: Really, oooooo.
S1: Yea.
PEW: Umm, who, were you with Nanny Suzie today?
S1: Yea
PEW: Soooo… Ohhhhh, soo how’s everything going?
S1: Good
PEW: Good?

Again, without the context offered by the first 2 installments, you would think nothing of this.  With context, my first thought (if not yours) is that she’s questioning his reply that everything is “good.”

S1: Yea
PEW: Yeaaahh, I miss you
S1: I miss you too

The immediate shift from him to her.  It’s all about PEW.  Of course, she’s initiating the negative thoughts of missing her and lays the foundation for more of the same.

PEW: Sooo, what’s new anything?
S1: No
PEW: Noooo, so just you guys and daddy?
S1: Yea
PEW: Yea? DW’s still down the shore?
S1: Yea

From there she goes right into interrogation mode, digging for information about other things (in this case, where DW is and what she is doing).  The discussion is barely about S1, if at all.

PEW: Yea? Bummer, Sooooo ummm, you guys bored or what?
S1: Yes, but I’m also mad.

Right back to the negative talk.  She doesn’t even disguise it.  At no point does she ask enthusiastically about what they’re doing, how they’re doing, and keeping the discussion up-beat.  She offers doubt when the kids say things are good.  She shifts to discussion of “missing her” instead of what’s good in their lives with dad.  Her questions almost always gravitate back to something negative, in this case, suggesting they’re “bored.”  Who the hell does this?  A psycho ex does, that’s who.

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