The Psycho Ex Wife

Have your own psycho ex? Get a FREE Report on "Why Co-Parenting Doesn't Work", or learn how to win child custody with a custody coach.

This call will be little different from the last one shared in part 1, which demonstrated the subtleties of the malicious mother engaging in parental alienation and how it’s done over the phone.  Here in part 2, I’m going to go ahead and put out the front-end of the discussion as another in a great many examples of why we so strongly suggest low-contact.

In this particular case, I had to cut our vacation short due to an emergency situation at work that I needed to cover.  So, the boys and I came home mid-week while DW, SD1, SS1 and some other family stayed behind for the week.  I had informed her of this the day before another in a long line of phone-call barrages by the PEW, but that didn’t deter her.  Me?  As usual, I got sucked right into the childish back-and-forth with her demanding that the phone call flood never take place again, particularly while I’m at work. It’s July 13th, 2005:

PEW: Hello?
LM: Hey.
PEW: Hey, what’s up?
LM: Well, the first thing I’m gonna tell you is that, as always, I’m recording everything.
PEW: Okay, that’s good.
LM: And, I want to start by asking you why you felt it was necessary to call me 6 times today, text message, email, when I told you, when I get them home from work, I will give you call.
PEW: I, because I, hadn’t spoken, the last time I had spoken to S1 he was very upset. And I just thought it was very strange that I get this message from you that your vacation was being cut short and you’re back [at home].

First delusion - S1 wasn’t very upset.  However, I will give her the benefit of the doubt because in reality, S1 did tell her that he cried for her every day, despite telling her that everything was great and fun during the same conversation.

(more…)

I’m often asked to share the issues that we’ve had with phone calls and the children.  I’ve written many, many times about the problems had with phone calls and 2005 was what I believe to be by far the worst year for problems on that front.

For a period of a few weeks, I was openly recording all phone calls in order to protect myself from false allegations.  This was also done due, in large part to the threatening phone call from Psycho-SIL and the threatening phone call from Psycho-FIL.  Fortunately for me, for quite some time PEW would agree to the phone calls being recorded, even claiming to be recording them at the same time herself.

It was then I discovered the depths to which she would sink in order to sabotage the time that the children and I had together.  The pattern came into focus sharply and rather quickly.  When I had figured out what it was she was doing, I was incensed and it was probably due more to not having a clue what to do about it than the mere fact that she was such a selfish, manipulative witch that she would do such things to the children just to punish me.  Sadly, it’s not an uncommon occurrence based upon the stories I see, hear, and read on a daily basis.

The following excerpts are from a conversation that took place in early July, right around the time of the entire summer vacation debacle.  The discussion opened with our mutual “I’m recording the conversation” pronouncements and acknowledgments.  She first started out talking to S2 and the discussion was uneventful and short before S1 was on the phone.

(more…)

Despite the psycho ex-wife’s repetitive complaints about the costs of all of the contentious litigation - it never stopped her from getting attorneys involved and spending a lot of money on wasteful motions, proceedings, letters, and phone calls.  This post is a follow-up to: Spending a Lot to Get a Little.

I took a shot in May of 2005 to get it resolved, but the never-ending sense of entitlement prevailed and I just let it drop.  Out of nowhere, during a phone call in mid-August of that year, she had made mention of the $1,000 escrow that still existed from the settlement of the marital household.  I replied via email:

PEW:

With regard to that escrow acct. It is currently in [first attorney's] name. If you want to have it transferred to D-Mac’s, I’ll sign a release so we can split it up.

And suddenly, without hesitation, she gives the go-ahead to release it, probably because there was something else she wanted to buy.

LM:

That would be fine with me.

PEW:

Well I don’t know how to go about doing that. So can you find out?

LM:

Send a letter to D-Mac agreeing to release the escrow account, splitting the proceeds between you and I 50/50. She will call [first attorney] and he will disburse the checks accordingly.

About a month would go by before I heard anything more, about mid-September when she wrote:

PEW:

Any word on this?

It was shortly thereafter that the checks were cut and the last of the “equitable distribution” matters from our horrendous marital relationship was completed.

One of the many benefits of the Mr. Custody Coach website, are the radio shows.  Along with the efforts that are made to help people plan to win child custody in a more meaningful capacity, there are many articles and programs that discuss the issues that are an inherent part of the process.  The radio program helps support the many articles on the Mr. Custody Coach blog as well as the information that is accessed by the membership.

In addition to several important guests who have been a part of recent programs, such as Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute (discussing choosing an attorney) and Jan Elizabeth Brown from the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (discussing domestic violence issues and helping all victims regardless of gender) - Mr. Custody Coach has covered other important topics which are summarized below.  MRCC also has many other great guests and topics to come!

The best part is, even if you cannot listen live, the programs are available here and on the Mr. Custody Coach websites “on-demand” so that everyone can listen to the programs when it’s convenient for their schedules.  Please be sure to visit, sign-up if you’re in need of services, or even download the recently released e-book: Creating Custody Agreements for a low introductory price.  We are certain that you will find the information extremely helpful in preparing a plan in advance of meeting with an attorney so that you can spend your time and money on the implementation of your plan - where those resources are better allocated.  (The e-book is free with membership.)

SCHEDULE: Upcoming Shows

October 28, 2009 2PM EST - Low Contact: Why and How to Implement

Join us as we discuss what low contact is, how it will benefit your family and how you go about implementing low contact in your current custody situation.

PAST SHOWS

October 21, 2009 2PM EST - Choosing A Custody/Divorce Lawyer With Expert Bill Eddy

Bill Eddy joined us and discussed what you need to look for when choosing an attorney, particularly if your custody situation is of the high-conflict variety.  In addition, there was plenty of discussion about the characteristics of the high-conflict personalities both in litigants and attorneys and how people can make the best possible choices as they move forward with their situation.

October 14, 2009 2PM EST - Domestic Violence With Expert Jan Brown:

Jan Brown joined us to discuss domestic violence facts and fiction.  Additionally, discussion centered around the resources that are available to both men and women as well as some recent domestic violence law changes that have found resources to be unfairly geared towards only women while providing no benefits for battered men and their male children.

October 7, 2009 - Dirty Tricks Used in Custody Battles:

Michael and Lexi discussed several of the dirty tricks used in custody battles that many have experienced and are commonly a part of high-conflict divorce and custody disputes.

September 30, 2009 - Custody Agreement Do’s and Don’ts:

During the inaugural show, Michael and Lexi covered many of the “dos and don’ts” that need consideration when crafting a custody/parenting plan.  Depending upon individual circumstances, a shared parenting plan or a primary/secondary parenting plan may be implemented.  This helpful program discussed how the custody agreement can often create as many problems as it solves.

You can join and participate in the live programs for free!  However, you must register at blogtalk radio to participate in live chat here: Join The Chat During The Show

We hope that you will participate live, and if you can’t, simply come back, listen, and maybe learn some things.  You can do that here or at the Mr. Custody Coach website.

Another in the endless list of mindless tactics the psycho ex-wife uses is masking her penchant for making everything all about her by asserting that something is all about me.  She does this especially well when it doesn’t even make a shred of sense.  She often employs this tactic when it comes to DW and I making special plans for the children.  Almost anytime I needed her to be flexible to do something that would be interesting or beneficial for the children - she’d scuttle it.  Very often, she would claim that she had to “check with the children” first because I don’t do anything unless there is “something in it” for me.

Basically, she enjoyed interfering with any plans that may prove fun and interesting because it might give me a leg up on her one-person race to be the “funnest and bestest parent” in the eyes of the children.  While that is never, ever our motivation behind doing things involving the children - that’s the way a psycho ex-wife will take it.  She makes it a contest for the children’s allegiance, so she’ll go out of her way to make it difficult or impossible to allow us to do thing we want to do with the children.  It’s easy to do if it impinges on her custodial time, no matter how minimally.  Even when it doesn’t, such as with the vacation at the beginning of the summer of 2005, she’ll still go out of her way to ruin it, in part or in whole.

Such was the case with our short trip to visit New York City in the fall of 2005. This started on August 24th of 2005.

LM:

We are considering taking all of the children to New York City the weekend of October 21st.

The best way to go is to fly out of [airport closer to our home] and to do so on a Friday, so my hope would be to pick up the boys on a Thursday night (we get them excused from school on that Friday), and ideally, ask you to meet us in [halfway exchange point] on that Sunday evening for an exchange after we fly back into [airport].

Is a Sunday “meet exchange” on that weekend something you would be willing to do?

Please let me know as soon as possible so that I can make appropriate arrangements.

PEW:

New York City? With kids? What would you be doing there? I’ll let you know, but as of right now, I guess I’d have to say no. What is the benefit for them, I”m thinking that they are kind fo young to appreciate New York City?

S1 would be 7 years old by the time we took the trip.  S2 would be 4-1/2 years old.  SD1 would be 7 and SS1 would be 6-years old.  If SD1’s and SS1’s reaction to the news of the trip and the things we were going to do there were any indication, the boys would probably be equally as thrilled with the opportunity.  Actually SD1 and SS1 had been asking to go for several years and the trip was given to them as part of their birthday presents. However, because PEW doesn’t think it would be fun, they’ll never get the chance.

LM:

“I’d have to say no” is not an option for the trip. We would go sightseeing - Statue of Liberty, perhaps the circus at Madison Square Garden. I don’t need your permission to take the boys on a trip. I need to notify you in advance and make sure that you are able to contact them. They know what the Statue of Liberty is. They know what the circus is. They are excited about the possibility of going to see these things. They would love to go on a plane trip. That’s the benefit.

The only question I need an answer to is - would you be willing to meet in [halfway exchange point] on that Sunday?

Stop turning everything into something about you. No need to turn this into a fight, I just need to know if you would be willing to meet at [exchange point] on Sunday. Yes or no. Thanks.

This is where I look back and say to myself, “She already said no.  STFU.”

PEW:

Ok, well here’s my answer. If I didn’t have to pay another $10000+ dollars to fight your petition for primary custody(which you will lose anyway), I could afford to buy a car, because the one I have has 84000 miles on it and is not safe to drive back and forth from [exchange point] or the [my parents' vacation home] or to the [my cousin's vacation home] or anywhere. So, while you are ruining me financially I would not be willing to meet you in [exchange point]. If you want to drop it, and not fight me for custody, I can afford to buy the car, I’ll meet you in [exchange point].

As always - a  list of her demands must be met before she will even consider doing something that may be fun, interesting, and/or beneficial to the children. (Notice how she is perfectly fine with driving the kids to all of her families vacation homes, but it’s not safe for me to drive them to my home?)

LM:

Thank you for answering me.

PEW:

Oh and by the way, you do need my permission to have them during my custody time, which is that Thursday night and friday and I’m not inclined to cooperate with you while you are making my life a living hell.

All about her!  She doesn’t like the way I’m treating her, therefore - the CHILDREN will suffer!  Real bright, psycho.

LM:

I am not making your life a living hell. If your desire is to be so selfish as to deprive the children of a fun, educational experience because you’re not happy, that’s again not fair to THEM. As always, you make something that is supposed to be about the children into something about you, continuing your angry, selfish ways without regard to anyone but… yourself.

As for your ongoing complaints about how much everything is costing you, please understand that if you are not interested in cooperating for the reasons you’ve stated below, having to go through attorneys and court so that I can take S1 and S2 to see the Statue of Liberty is only going to cost us both more… and then, as always, you will fault me instead of faulting yourself for making things so difficult to satiate your desire to continue to be vindictive.

If you are telling me that you are not going to permit me to pick them up on Thursday night, I will get the attorneys involved because that is the way you want it to be.

This is called “contributing to the escalation of the conflict.”  And it’s incredibly stupid.  This tactic never works.  It has never worked.  And to threaten such not only makes me sound like PEW, I’d have done just as well to say, “I’m going to throw a big pile of money on the floor and burn it if you don’t comply with my request!”  Brilliant.

PEW:

You are making my life a living hell by trying to take primary custody of our children to [home state]. That would be hell for any mother. In addition to that fact, I was trying to make a nice life for the boys and I up here and you are going to make that next to impossible by depleting all of the money I have left, then forcing me further into debt to fight something that it would be next to impossible for you to win (unless you lie) in which case you’d have to get an evaluator to believe you, which won’t happen. It hasn’t happened yet.

It was at this point that DW simply said something to the effect of: Stop, LM. It’s not worth it. We haven’t even booked the trip and it’s already becoming an unfun trip. We can’t risk booking tickets at this point because she’s not cooperating and even if she ultimately does say yes, she can always say no later. Stop.

So I stopped. The answer was no and that’s when this discussion should have stopped.  The plans were made to take the trip without the boys because PEW said no.  Would that be the end?  Nope.  Over a month later on October 12th, a mere 9-days before our originally planned NYC trip date comes this gem:

PEW:

Are you still planning on taking this trip?  I need to know because I have to send a note in to school for both of them.

As if the entire prior rigmarole had never occurred.  The prior refusal and argument is just wiped clean out of her mental history.  Very typical.

This is why one should rarely, if ever, deviate from the custody order.  The difference for us at this point was that there wasn’t a clear custody order.  Still, even when the order and our living arrangements were clear, there were attempts to try to do what people normally do - be flexible.  That simply is a rarity in a high-conflict situation.  If you do attempt to deviate from the schedule and you get a “no” answer - don’t prolong your agony as I often did, just stop right there - you have your answer.